WorkLife - Feb 2020

FEBRUARY 2020

New hope for troubled children There are ways to find and unlock your child´s genius

Valentines Day and single?

Five good reasons to celebrate, even if you are single!

Let’s talk about sex Is it true that it can diminish your athletic performance?

Has your love life run out of steam?

We know 5 ways to revive a dull relationship

Sally Forrest

From Pharmacist to Feng Shui Teacher

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Peter Diaz

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Resilience

at work

The modern workplace is constantly changing.

That’s why you need to make sure your team can respond to anything that´s thrown its way.

The Resilience at Work course is what your individual team members need to be more tough – to strengthen their emotional and mental fitness.

It´s what you need to build a team of high performers.

This was an excellent experience. I have done training like this before, but THIS course has given me the tools and skills to use at work and at home.”

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Find out more about running this popular course in house for your team.

Email admin@thewmhi.com

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Mee

A

s I walked into the building, I had a sense that something was ‘off .’

I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but it just didn’t feel right. To top it off, the security guard at the main desk seemed grumpy and curt. Then I was made to wait far too long. When I finally was ushered into the meeting, people were pleasant enough but seemed to be going through the motions. Needless to say, I was glad to get out of that place.

Have you had a similar experience too? Ever walked into a room and felt that the energy wasn’t quite right? I have. Often. And often there was nothing wrong with the room.

Sometime the room was fairly new, modern and well appointed, yet…I don’t know.

Something was ‘off.’

Then years later I found out about Feng Shui. Feng shui transliterates as ‘windwater’ in English. Still doesn’t mean much but the definition is interesting. Wikipedia defines Feng shui as “a traditional practice originating from ancient China, which claims to use energy forces to harmonize individuals with their surrounding environment.”

Harmony between people and their environments. Now we are onto something.

Maybe that’s what was missing for me that day in that building and those people. There was no harmony with the building.

Since we spend so much of our time at work, we thought we’d bring you some traditional Chinese wisdom to see if you can introduce a bit of harmony to your physical surroundings. All in the pursuit to make your day even more mentally healthy. Why not?

So we caught up in LA last November with an acknowledged world leading Feng Shui expert, Sally Forrest. Emi Golding, our Director of Psychology, interviewed Sally and got her to explain a bit of her life, how life led her in the direction of Feng Shui and how she’s ended up now teaching Feng Shui to the Chinese! A remarkable interview, with a remarkable woman.

4 | FEBRUARY 2020

WORKLIFE

et Sally Forrest From Pharmacist to Feng Shui teacher

by Emi Golding

I know you’ll love this interview with Sally Forrest. But first a taster to whet your appetite: What you need to know about Sally is that Sally is a qualified pharmacist, has an MBA (from the time when MBAs were much harder to come by) and has extensive business experience as an HR professional. In short, she’s a smart cookie. So, how do you go from being a pharmacist to a Feng Shui master? Let’s have a look, shall we?

Her biography at the Assemblee Speakers site, of which she’s a member, says about Sally: “Sally Forrest is a 360 Entrepreneur having achieved massive business success while accumulating a lifelong experience of holistic sciences. She coaches businesses, entrepreneurs and start-ups to create success and scale it. Sally is also a global speaker, a bestselling author and a TEDx featured expert.

Sally is an MBA with extensive Business experience, and is also a qualified pharmacist. She is the Managing Director of SoulCentreŽ and SoulKidsŽ, award-winning brands based in Singapore.� Impressive CV indeed. However, what I personally like about Sally is her heartfelt no-nonsense humanity.

Sally explains that once upon a time she was part of a team whose job was to downsize (insert ‘fire’ here) people. Every morning she woke up with a heavy heart. She didn’t want to do this. This was not her life. So, Sally left. Where to?

To Thailand. You see, she’d met an old missionary with a great vision in Thailand and decided that they’d open an orphanage together.

While doing this, Sally realised that medicines were not readily available to most people. This is hard for most people but if you happen to be a caring pharmacist, this is an untenable situation! That’s what prompted Sally to search for alternatives to traditional medicine. She studied Meditation, Reiki, Chinese Metaphysics, Shiatsu, Colour Therapy, amongst other things, and these studies guided the decision in 2004 to found the SoulCentre in Singapore. The SoulCentre is now Asia’s Premier Personal Development Centre.

As you can appreciate by now is that Sally Forrest has the type of life experience that’s going to make this interview a treat. You are right! It is!

Check it out. Enjoy đ&#x;™‚

WWW.THEWMHI.COM | 5

Why celebrate

by Alison Skate

6 | FEBRUARY 2020

WORKLIFE

Consciously coupled, blissfully infatuated, happily single, or ready to mingle – it’s time to ditch the current paradigms on who is entitled to celebrate St Valentine’s Day. If there is one common thread that links all of the workshops delivered by the Workplace Mental Health Institute, it is that love equals compassion, and love cannot exist at the same time as judgment. All forms of love are equal, whether you love a man, a woman, your faithful golden retriever, or equally as important, yourself. So, why is this day that celebrates love, hijacked only by those who are in a relationship or seeking to be in a relationship?

We take a brief look at the origins of St Valentine’s Day and some of the reasons why it is a day for all to celebrate.

Historical origins.

This day of love is said to have originated in a Christian festival in ancient Rome called the Feast of Lupercalia, which was celebrated from February 13th to 15th. This drunken, naked feast saw young men sacrifice two animals and then ‘hit upon’ young women with the bloodied pelts of the sacrificed animals. The women - who lined up eagerly for this treatment – believed that this ‘pelting’ would ensure their fertility. The feast involved a lottery whereby men would draw the name of a young, single woman from a jar, resulting in a coupling for the three days of the feast and beyond for a period of up to a year. If the partnering was a pleasant one, the two would often continue the relationship in marriage. (And you thought Tinder was brutal!)

While this is a fascinating peek into the history of the date, a perhaps more direct link to St Valentine’s Day comes from the execution of Valentine, a priest who defied the law of Emperor Claudius II to perform marriage ceremonies for Christians in secret. Emperor Claudius II had decided that single soldiers fought more bravely in battle than married soldiers, and so forbade the marriage of any young men. Valentine’s defiance was one of the early examples of couples having to overcome obstacles of society, law and politics in order to marry the person they loved – a battle that seems to continue in modern culture, law, and politics.

Do it for the chocolate!

Synonymous with St Valentine’s Day are chocolates and flowers – neither of which is obligatory, of course, but why not indulge in the rich aphrodisiac that is cacao? Since the times of Aztecs, cacao has been considered a sexual stimulant. This was popularized in Spain in the 1600s with Giacomo Casanova referring to the drink of hot chocolate as the elixir of love. Perhaps the link to amorous behavior comes from the endorphins that are stimulated by cacao, or the polyphenols that result in vascular dilation. English physician Henry Stubbe suggested in 1662 that chocolate supplied the testicles with ‘sap.’

Celebrate self love.

So what if St Valentine’s Day is marketed at the loved-up couples – history tells us that this day has everything to do with love and defying convention. Let this day also be a day to celebrate the joy of being single, and self-love!

There are no other days of the year when self-love and

self-care are commemorated, so this presents an excellent opportunity to flip the ‘single and lonely’ script into a ‘happy today and any day’ story. Take yourself to dinner, connect with people you love in a platonic sense, treat yourself to time out, wear something that helps you feel great about yourself. Having the ability to exercise choice about relationships – whether being single or coupled – is a gift that not all countries or cultures allow, so celebrate this freedom! Being single is not a sad experience unless we choose to look at it through this lens. Singles Awareness Day (S.A.D) is a far less recognized celebration on February 15th, and while the intention of self-love is apparent, the acronym could do with a little work.

A bunch of marketing malarkey.

Commerce plays a big part in the popularity of the day of love. I’ve heard that some would prefer to honor the love in their relationship on any other day of the year except St Valentine’s Day, as it feels more obligatory than affectionate. Valentine was executed on February 14 in around 270AD. Valentine’s martyrdom was later canonized, along with at least three others of the same name, so if February 14th doesn’t suit, your celebrations can always be postponed to November 3rd, January 7th or – for those wanting to celebrate a female St Valentine – July 25th.

Socratic considerations.

Perhaps one final reason to commemorate the day of love is not because of the message that is conveyed to your loved one when sharing affection on February 14th, but because of the potential for an utterly unhelpful message to be interpreted in the absence of any actions or words.

Consider your answers to these questions: What is likely to happen if I show my love on Valentine’s Day? What is likely to happen if I don’t show my love on Valentine’s Day? What isn’t likely to happen if I show my love on Valentine’s Day? What isn’t likely to happen if I don’t show my love on Valentine’s Day? Now you are ready for the consequences of your decision!

WWW.THEWMHI.COM | 7

Unleash your child´s

Inner Genius

by Wendy Marquenie

8 | FEBRUARY 2020

WORKLIFE

You could just tell the father was trying hard to hold back the tears. He was failing. But it was also endearing. See, the reason he was feeling so emotional was that he had just heard the teacher say how was his kid was doing now at school. What a fantastic change! But to listen to his kid say, “I love reading now. It’s easy!” Just melted him to his core.

We love our kids, don’t we? As parents, we want the best for our children. We want life to be as easy as possible for them. We want to believe that every child has an inner genius locked up inside of them. We also want to show our children how to discover what makes them tick.

How do we unlock this inner potential in our children?

H

ave you ever thought about what you are thinking about? Thinking is interesting.

Thinking governs what things we react to and how we react to those things. More importantly, how we respond to something, or don’t, has a lasting effect on our children. Our children behave as we behave.

Our children also learn to think as we do. They copy, don’t they? Mostly what we don’t want them to copy, right?

That’s why we must be vigilant and implant good things in their minds.

It’s a wondrous thing. Every child has a mind and the ability to think. Each child is unique. There are approximately 7.53 billion people in this world, and no two people are alike in their thinking. We have thoughts flowing through us all day long. They come in through our five senses, what we hear, see, taste, touch, and smell. We have around 55 thoughts per minute and about 79,000 thoughts per week. Relax, we are not aware of most of those. They just come and go without notice. The take away is: we must learn to master our thoughts so we can also master our emotions. When we do that, we take charge of our attitude and self-image. In short, we take charge of our life. This is what we need to do.

And it is no different for our kids. Ask your children what thoughts they are thinking about regularly. Help them realize that most of their precious thoughts are the same thoughts they had the previous day. That can be the start of some serious realizations for their little minds, can’t it? Of course, you will have to make sure to tailor your communication for their age.

We need our children to think about what they are thinking about. And to shape what they think in a way that’s going to give them better results. Some call it positive.

Emmet Fox wrote a fascinating book called: The Seven Day Mental Diet. This is where you try and have only positive thoughts for one week. When a negative thought pops into your mind, you reject it immediately and replace it with a positive thought. What a brilliant idea, right? I wish I’d ‘thought’ of that one!

Try it now. Write down on the left-hand side of a blank page some of those recurrent negative thoughts and then on the right-hand side, replace each negative thought

with their polar opposite - a positive thought. Draw a line through the negative thought as if you were crossing it out. Notice how things shift for you internally. It’s a gift, right? A gift you can share with your kids also.

Think of a beautiful garden. Did you know that you can plant a beautiful flowering plant right next to a poisonous one and both will grow the same. Our thoughts are the same. Our negative thoughts will grow just the same as our positive ones. Have you ever thought about something you don’t want to happen and then it happens?

This is because, like a plant, you made that thought grow.

It is our positive thoughts that we want to grow much more prominent, and crush the negative ones.

When a baby is born, they cannot think one way or another, but as they grow, they absorb from their environment whatever is going on around them. The baby is taking into his mind all the negative and positive things coming in through his five senses. How do we get our children to change their thoughts into positive ones?

We train them to train their minds. Just like a muscle, we train our minds. Just as we would train our bodies. We can learn to train our minds to reject these negative thoughts and think about planting beautiful thoughts in our minds instead.

Train their mind so they can make those thoughts do what THEY want. It just takes practice. Remember – their little minds are constantly barraged with negative thoughts through their five senses. We can’t stop that. But we help train their mind not to make the negative comments grow.

Train their mind to say: NO – to the bad stuff - say NO to the negative thoughts.

We have the power in our minds to reject and not accept.

And remember: What you think – you become What you feel – you attract What you imagine – you create

Wendy Marquenie is Creator of Inner Genius Kids & Teens. If you would like to get in contact with Wendy, please email admin@thewmhi.com

WWW.THEWMHI.COM | 9

WAYS to revive a dull relationship Not feeling the Valentine’s vibes this month? We explore five ways to put the spark back into a dull relationship.

1.

Invest in your relationship Get some skin in the game! Anything that pays a dividend has to have some investment to start with – but unlike a financial portfolio, humans don’t come with high levels of compounding interest.

You may think that the cruise to the South Pacific in April 2018, which brought your loved one an unprecedented amount of joy, remains as secure emotional capital in the relationship account.

Wrong!

Humans have a tendency to bring their emotions back into a moderate range. Highs stay highs for a day, a week tops, then the levels of ecstasy begin to adjust to the norm. This is a good thing, as the lows we experience over grief and disappointment are also moderated eventually.

What this means for our relationships is that we can’t deposit all of our emotional capital in one big investment and hope that it will keep us in good stead for years to come. Regular – if not daily – gestures of love, trustworthiness, compassion, attention, and connection are essential to maintain or revive appreciation for the relationship.

A lot of money is not necessary for this kind of investment.

However, if the feelings in your relationship have shifted from mutual respect to contempt, an investment in professional counselling may be appropriate.

10 | FEBRUARY 2020

2.

Put the phone away A study of 1160 married people found that relationship happiness was negatively correlated with heavy social-media engagement. The phones were also noted to provide an alternative conversation (via texting friends), providing a barrier to the face-to-face communication that was needed in a relationship to address anger and dissatisfaction.

Commit to device-free time each day. Both parties have to agree to this for it to have any chance of success.

Allow calls to go to voicemail – assume that if it is an emergency, they will call again. Start with thirty minutes, or the evening meal, and gradually increase the amount of time available to connect with each other (and children) without the passive conversation distractions.

3.

Plan an exciting trip together The most popular time to book a holiday is on the morning of the first day at work after the most recent holiday. Researching and anticipating your next holiday has an equivalent boost to mood and excitement as the holiday itself. Sharing these preparations with each other encourages internal images and feelings that represent the togetherness and joy that you anticipate will be experienced during the trip. The mind gains as many benefits of the imaginary connection as it does with any actual connection that may be experienced in the planned journey.

WORKLIFE

4.

5.

Instead, decide to create cherished moments in your home town. Mark a date on the calendar, and take turns planning a night away, or a special date. This might involve organizing babysitters – take it in turns to make those arrangements, too. This can sometimes require delicate arrangements, particularly with young children or those with special needs. Still, it is vital to ask for this help for the benefit and health of your relationship.

Identifying your values as a couple can be straightforward.

However, we recommended that a relationship coach or mediator assists in the process.

Mystery dates and staycations A passport isn’t required to create special moments in your relationship. The expense of planning a week-long getaway can be prohibitive, and trying to get time off together from work can eliminate the opportunity for spontaneity. But just because spontaneity can be a challenge, it doesn’t mean you should accept a relationship rut.

In some cities, you may be able to book a Mystery Picnic.

This new venture provides guests with a set of sequential directions to delicatessens, bakeries, wineries and cafes to sample, and collect, pre-arranged food and drinks, to be added to their picnic basket. This certainly ticks the boxes of new experiences and can be done while young children are at school or daycare (who says the best dates can’t be mid-week?) And it removes the onus of responsibility on one person to plan a perfect day – it’s all done for you.

Identify your couples values Change is the only constant. What was important to you in the beginning stages of your relationship may have been superseded by new values. Having spontaneous fun and receiving displays of affection through gifts may be replaced with sharing responsibility and small displays of thoughtfulness. The changes do not represent an evolution to better values, just values that are appropriate for the current stage of the relationship.

First, each of you should identify your own relationship values by writing them down individually. Try to write at least 15 different values – the things that are important to you in a relationship.

Secondly, rank order the values from most important to least important.

Next, share your top eight values with your partner and explain what the value means to you with examples.

Listen as your partner does the same. This is a beneficial process.

Finally, collaborate to identify the five top values that are mutually agreed upon to form the basis of the relationship.

These five values guide discussions and decisions in the relationship. When there is a lack of spark, conflict, or disconnection, look to your values list to see if one or more of the values are not being met.

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12 | FEBRUARY 2020

WORKLIFE

L

et’s talk about sex.

In particular, the idea that sexual activity can be the cause of poor performance on a sporting field. A ban on intercourse in the days, sometimes weeks, leading up to a crucial athletic event has often been imposed by coaches or self-imposed by athletes in the belief that abstinence will create aggression or frustration that is converted to energy in the athletic arena.

It has even been reported that former World Heavyweight Boxing Champion, Muhammad Ali, abstained from sex for up to six weeks prior to a championship fight. Four-time World Super Middleweight Champion Carl Froch readily disclosed his three-month ban on intercourse in the lead up to a title bout. Froch said about the ban in a 2013 interview, “They don’t let a male [horse] stud mate before a big race because it takes away the horse’s drive and energy. “It’s the same in human beings. If a man abstains he keeps his strength. I feel stronger and fitter when I abstain because my body holds on to more testosterone.�

But does it? ‌ Really?

It’s a belief that has been around since the time of Ancient Greece, with Philstratus writing in Gymnasticus (an ancient guidebook for Olympians) that an athlete who entered the gymnasium in competition straight after sex had no chance of being crowned in any sport.

Napoleon Hill seemed to believe that the abstinence of sexual activity could translate into business success. In his 1937 book Think and Grow Rich Hill includes a chapter called, “The mystery of sex transmutation (The tenth step to riches)�.

In his book, Hill explains that sex transmutation involves â€œâ€Ś switching of the mind from thoughts of physical expression [of sex] to thoughts of some other nature. “When harnessed and redirected along other lines, this motivating force maintains all of its attributes of keenness of imagination, courage, etc., which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or any other profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches.â€?

Could it be true? What does science tell us about this concept?

Unsurprisingly, there has been very little by way of rigorous scientific study into the impact of sex transmutation on business or cognitive performance. Of note there were some correlations identified between the decline in cognitive performance and the decline in sexual activity – but nothing of a causal nature that would suggest cognitive performance is impaired by a period without sexual activity.

There is a slightly larger body of research regarding the impact of intercourse or abstinence on exercise performance, and the good news for some is that most of it debunks the myth of improvements in performance when an athlete avoids sex in the 24 hours prior to physical testing.

The myth is thought to be associated with the belief that testosterone (which is closely associated with muscle strength) is diminished in the post-coital period, thereby impacting upon an athlete’s strength, speed and agility.

The opposite could be true. According to endocrinologist Emmanuele Jannini, of the University of L’Aquila in Italy, abstaining from intercourse for three months causes testosterone levels to drop to pre-pubescent amounts. It’s a clear case of ‘use it or lose it’.

Another concern voiced by athletes, such as Froch, is that they would be more tired, or energy depleted, due to the physical exertion of intercourse. Unless these guys are doing some crazy one-handed push-up and burpees as part of their mating ritual, sex is likely to burn up less than 40% of the calories burned during a 30-minute light run.

Approximately 100 calories for males and 69 calories for females is the average. (I know, you are not average, I get it đ&#x;˜‰) University studies in Canada and Mexico are revealing that sexual activity may provide numerous benefits to health and physical performance.

Blood Pressure: A study published in Sexual Performance reveals there was no significant difference in athletic performance following sexual intercourse 7.6 hours before exercise. However, researchers did find that the more intense and pleasurable the orgasm, the lower the systolic blood pressure (unless you waste that valuable health benefit by lighting up a cigarette).

Pain Management: Female orgasm is better than paracetamol for dealing with pain. A study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine (2010) measured the effect on pain of PIV intercourse (that’s Penis-In-Vagina for those who were struggling with the acronym – yes, there’s an acronym), masturbation, and anal intercourse. When the female orgasmed with vaginal penetration or clitoral stimulation (more so than through masturbation) their pain was reduced significantly according to self-report measures.

Reduces Anxiety: An article in a later edition of the same journal (2017) revealed rapid and considerable increases in a hormone called prolactin (which triggers the production of breast milk) in both males and females, which leads to a sense of calmness and focus. The benefit of the prolactin surge is applicable to both males and females and the peak of prolactin after orgasm is at the two hour mark.

Take advantage of this period, as the effect is no longer observed after 10 hours.

So there you have it, and now we can put the debate to bed (boom-tish!) Sex has a number of health and wellness benefits, with few robust studies linking neither significant performance enhancement nor diminishment to intercourse. And nothing on business success.

Napoleon Hill might have had one thing right though.

In the book that was penned pre-World-War-II, where males dominated the workforce, Hill writes in his chapter on sex transmutation: “The men who have accumulated great fortunes and achieved outstanding recognition in literature, art, industry, architecture, and the professions, were motivated by the influence of a woman.�

We tend to agree.

WWW.THEWMHI.COM | 13

Why do New Year’s

Resolutions fail?

Six weeks ago, we were popping confetti and toasting to the new year, and declaring our resolutions for the year ahead.

The most common of these is to resolve to lose weight and/or to exercise more, save money, learn a new skill, quit smoking, and travel. 12 percent of us will achieve at least one of our New Years Resolutions. 88 percent will have failed in our resolutions by the middle week of February.

Let’s look at the most common reason for failure, and resolve to start the process again without waiting until December 31.

Thinking of the Result and Not the Process

Failing to Track Your Process

“I want to lose 15kg” is a resolution that describes the

This year, I committed to applying moisturizer each night

desired outcome rather than the process to which you make

before bed. I have already failed – I will be back on the

a commitment. ‘Resolution’ comes from the term resolute,

wagon tomorrow. Looking through my daily planner

which means determined, purposeful, and unwavering. To

recently, I noticed that each month contained a ‘habit

be resolute is not to focus on the point of achievement. It is to make an ongoing commitment to a practice or process.

So the typical weight loss goal shifts from a measure of lost weight to practices resolved to be observed daily. For example, ‘I resolve to walk 10,000 steps per day, at least six days per week’; ‘I resolve to buy whole food to form a balanced and nutritional diet’; ‘I resolve to stop eating two hours before going to bed.’

Creating a Behavioural Vacuum It can be very challenging to remove a regular behavioral pattern – or addiction – but even harder when we don’t plan and articulate a replacement to fill the void. When resolving

tracker.’ The first column on the page included a space to write up to ten habits at the beginning of the month, the second column consisted of 31 checkboxes so I could simply tick the box on the days I had met my commitment.

The third column provided a space to write a reward I would give myself for ticking a set number of boxes. This type of system increases the chances of success when utilized because it acts as an accountability partner.

The What lacked a Why A mission is pointless without a vision. What is the purpose of the resolution; why is it important to you to become a

to spend less time on your phone or digital screen in the

healthier version of you, and why is it important to cease

evening, carefully decide and commit to something that

smoking? What benefit will you gain by saving $10,000, and

will replace that habit. For example, the resolution may be

why is that benefit vital to you? Orientate yourself not only

instead to read thirty pages of a book each evening, or to

to the daily commitment that is required but the reasons for

read three books per month.

making that commitment, too.

14 | FEBRUARY 2020

WORKLIFE

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Mental Health Essentials takes the guesswork out of responding to mental health in the workplace.

Mental Health Essentials is a 1 day course, delivered on site at your workplace, to give your employees the tools to: •

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Know what to say and do, to communicate effectively with someone in distress Confidently handle a conversation with a colleague or customer who is having a panic attack, a psychotic episode, or thinking of suicide

To run this course in your workplace, email admin@thewmhi.com

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Know where, when and how to refer someone to further help

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Understand how drugs, alcohol and medication affect mental health

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Learn why its important to nip mental health problems in the bud, as they crop up

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Act quickly and with confidence when trauma hits your workplace

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Safeguard their own mental wellbeing in difficult situations

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Know how to look after themselves when assisting someone else with a mental health problem

Peak Performance Research & ProgramsTM

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