Celebrating Families

November is Adoption Awareness Month

BY LISA SAVAGE

High school sweethearts Tim and Michelle Goff knew they wanted to marry and to have a family oneday. They just didn’t know the path Godwould choose for them.

They married in 1990, and after a couple of years, their friends started having kids. They figured they would, too.

But it didn’t happen. So after fertility treatments and still no pregnancy, they thought about adoption. About the same time, they moved to Ardmore from Jackson County and opened Ardmore Carpets. “We didn’t necessarily want to be pregnant,” Michelle Goff says. “We just wanted a baby.”

Tim Goff was adopted as a child, and the couple wasn’t opposed to that option. “We liked the idea of adoption because it had worked for me,” he says.

First, they became foster parents through the Department of Human Resources, thinking it would lead to adoption. They fostered 10 children over three years. “Those kids just weren’t ever available for adoption,” Michelle Goff says. “So we prayed about it and decided to move forward.”

The Ardmore couple, now married for 28 years, did adopt two infant children who they have watched grow: Sydnee, 19, and Graham, 16.

ADOPTION ISN’T EASY

Prospective parents consider a variety of approaches for adoption. After much research, the Goffs selected a facilitator in California called Lifetime Adoption, an organization that gave them greater flexibility in planning. As part of the process, they were able to speak to the organization's CEO, Mardie Caldwell. “She actually talked to us and said we should pray about it first,” Michelle Goff says. “Once we started the process, we felt at peace.” Prospective adoptive families must create a profile with information that can be viewed by birth parents considering adoption for their children. “People would say things like, ‘Y’all did this the easy way,’” Michelle Goff says. But adoption is anything but easy.

“It’s a long process,” she says. “You have to get fingerprinted, have a background check, a home study — they know everything about you, and you’re not guaranteed you’re going to get a baby. Your life is an open book.”

After a couple is approved by the agency assisting with the adoption, information is placed online and in other locations, such as medical facilities. Adoptive parents can pick whether they want an open or closed adoption or whether they want a boy or a girl. “But if you are too specific, it limits the choices,” Michelle Goff says. “We had waited 10 years, and we were ready for a baby.”

THE WAIT

The Goffs waited six months before they got the call that changed their lives. That call came on a Friday, and they flew to California on Saturday. Sydnee was 5 weeks old when they brought her home to Ardmore.

Their second attempt at adopting a child didn't go as smoothly. They got the call and flew to Nevada. The birth couple changed their minds about adoption after they saw their baby. “We were upset, but we knew it wasn’t right, so we came back home,” Michelle Goff says.

Two months later, they got a call and flew to Nebraska to meet Graham, a newborn. “We brought him home from the hospital two days later on my birthday,” Michelle Goff says.

The Goffs adjusted quickly to having two babies at home. They took the kids to work with them, and customers have seen the kids grow up at the carpet store.

OPEN ADOPTION

An open adoption means the birth parents or an adopted child can find records pertaining to one another if they choose to later on in life. That’s an option that is important to the Goffs.

Tim Goff was adopted as a child, and he met his birth mother when he was 25. He says nobody can replace his parents who raised him, but he is thankful now to have found his birth mother. Her parents were deaf, and she was young when he was born. “She didn’t think she could take care of me,” he says.

The family has always been involved in church, especially in the music ministry. Tim Goff sings at church, and he and his wife are in the choir. The kids inherited their parents’ talents. Sydnee led the contemporary worship service at Lindsay Lane Baptist Church before she went to college. She loves to sing. She also is involved in theater including directing plays. Graham loves music and plays tenor saxophone in the band. He also participates in ROTC.

The Goffs have always made sure to provide their children with every opportunity, including the chance to one day meet their birth parents if they wish. “We don’t hide that they’re adopted. We never have,” Michelle Goff says. “We are very thankful to have our family.” �

ADOPTION STATISTICS

• One out of every 25 U.S. families with children has an adopted child.

• About 40 percent of adoptions are from the foster care system.

• More than 100,000 eligible foster children are waiting to be adopted.

• The average age of a waiting child is 7 years old, and these children will have spent at least three years in foster care.

• The number of international adoptions dropped from 19,601 in 2007 to 4,714 in 2017.

• The majority of the children adopted are less than a year old.Source: U.S. Census Bureau and national child services agencies

Source: U.S. Census Bureau and national services agenices