11 minute read
How God Can Turn an Abortion Into Transformation
from NGPC 2017 Magazine
When a woman gets pregnant, her life changes. When she decides to have an abortion, it changes again. Fortunately, the change doesn’t have to stop there. If it did, women around the country would be hopelessly lost in the pain abortion causes. But as you’ll see here, another change is possible. Erin Berryman, a counselor at the North Georgia Pregnancy Center, shares her story.
I read a quote the other day and it really spoke to me, “Wise men learn by other men’s mistakes, fools by their own.” Meaning the best learning experiences in life aren’t actually making mistakes ourselves but watching and learning from other people’s mistakes. And that’s why I want to share my story with you.
My story is a story of rescue, redemption, and real freedom. The Lord has done so much to set me free. I am blessed beyond what I think I deserve. But He thinks more of me than I think of myself. He has blessed me with a husband who loves me fully and completely without question. The Lord has also given me three unbelievable blessings, two girls, who are 12 and 10, and a six-year old boy.
Keith, my husband, and I moved to Pickens county about two years ago and bought a farmhouse on a few acres that we’re slowly restoring. Keith works for Cherokee Fire Department and is the youth pastor at Foothills Community Church.
Recently I felt a calling to once again share my testimony and serve somehow in our community. I told God, you open the doors and I will walk thru them. Boy, did He open them! Working at the Pregnancy Center, I have been pushed and challenged in just the short time I’ve been there. Mostly by overcoming my fears of letting people see my life, who I was, and the choices I have made in my past. I have to remind myself that my past does not define me, but it did transform me in to the woman I am today.
First, let me give you a little background of me. I was raised in a small town in south Georgia, a place where you could ride your bikes any and everywhere. I experienced total freedom in my childhood – maybe at times too much freedom. I was the daughter of a beloved preacher and school teacher. We were extremely loved by our community and maybe that’s why I had so much freedom, I was everyone’s daughter and friend. I couldn’t get away with anything – but in actuality I got away with everything. I was constantly looking for ways to be bad and stand out.
My mom would let my brother and I ride our bikes to the gas station on Saturdays with one rule, she would say, “Erin, do not buy any more candy cigarettes.” I did and I would pretend to smoke all the way home and just eat the evidence. Most of our church congregation saw me, but never told my parents or they just didn’t say anything. My childhood was mostly fun. Normal ups and downs. I was the favored child of my dad and could really do no wrong in his eyes. I also spent most of my spare time at church with him. I was raised knowing who Christ was and that He died and rose again. I was born into a Christian family, so I assumed I was a Christian. My dad was a pastor, so how could a loving God exclude me from heaven. My parents’
marriage started to fall apart my freshman year in high school. Through some poor choices of my dad, he ended up jobless and, to survive, my mom had to find a new teaching job.
We ended up moving to Cherokee county in the middle of my sophomore year. My world was unraveling and lacking direction. My parents were so focused on fixing or rather just surviving this time, that I became lost. I started to attach myself to unhealthy friendships, dating boys I shouldn’t, wearing clothes to draw attention, and the candy cigarettes were replaced with the real kind.
I remember one night going out with some friends hoping that my parents would see what I was wearing and tell me to go change. They did see, but didn’t say a word. My heart was broken. I felt unimportant and invisible.
6 In the middle of my junior year, I met a boy and we started an unhealthy relationship, which quickly became physical. We were each other’s worlds and our lives revolved around each other. So much so there was no room for friends or family. In my mind this was normal, he was my boyfriend, he should be the most important part of my life. But in reality those types of relationships are extremely unhealthy. We dated for a year. But by the end of my senior year, I wanted out of the relationship. I was heading to college and desired freedom. But my life was so intertwined with his, it felt nearly impossible to get out completely. Days before heading off to the University of West Georgia, I “cut” the relationship off. We still talked off and on and at Thanksgiving break he asked if he could come see me on his way home to his parents. He ended up staying the night and we had sex. It was different this time though because we used a condom. In our past relationship we hadn’t been careful. So I don’t know what prompted us to be this time.
It made no difference. The condom broke and six weeks later I was in my dorm room with my friend watching a pregnancy test quickly give a positive reading. Fear and utter sickness overcame me. Not because I was pregnant but because now I was forever bound to this boy that I wanted freedom from.
Telling my parents was probably the hardest thing I had to do so far in my 19 years. They were so disappointed in me. So embarrassed of me. And more than anything I wanted to please
them and make them happy again. They quickly started talking about abortion all the while the father of the baby was wanting to marry me and start a family. The fear of him always being there increased, but I realized I could raise this child by myself. I was strong enough and all I ever wanted to be was a mom. My parents were relentless though. They even brought in a nurse to talk to me about how easy an abortion procedure is. And little by
One week later, beyond anything that I ever thought I could do, I was lying on an exam table. Florescent lights blinding me and my mom there beside me holding my hand. I think the realization hit us both when the abortion started. I looked at her and said, “I don’t want to do this.” And she tearfully said, “You don’t have to. We can leave right now.” But I knew that wouldn’t make her or my dad happy and oh how I wanted to restore their joy. I was a disappointment and this would fix it. At least I thought it would. Now my disappointment was just refocused – on myself.
The weeks that followed, I don’t have many memories. Thankfully, the abortion didn’t have any lasting medical effects on my body, unlike some others I've met. The nurse had prepared me for the physical part of the procedure, but I never imagined the emotional toll this would take on my spirit. When I slept, I dreamt of my baby, but always awoke to the horrible sound of the abortion procedure. United Community Bank.qxp_Layout 1 8/30/17 11:40 AM Page 1
I spent three years of basically spinning my wheels doing the same thing. I dropped my college classes because it interfered with my life of constant parties and bartending job. My last shift I ever worked there, I was offered a line of cocaine from my manager. It was right there in front of me and I wanted to give it a try, but fear overcame. The next day my new boyfriend broke up with me, which ended up being a big turning point for me. It was my first moment where I realized my worth wasn’t found in another person. I gathered my stuff and at 2:00 a.m., I crawled in my mom’s bed. I wonder what she thought … was she happy that her daughter had come home or disgusted because I wreaked of smoke. It didn’t matter she reached out in unconditional love and held me.
My phone rang early the next morning and it was my favorite Jesus-crazy cousin Elizabeth. News travels fast in our family and she wanted me to come help her and her Air Force husband move to North Dakota. A one week trip turned into three Marilyn Drake.qxp_Layout 1 8/9/17 11:02 AM Page 1
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months. As I stayed, I learned what I was lacking. She never shared the gospel of Christ with me because I knew it. I was raised in church, but she showed me through loving me that I was lacking a personal relationship with Christ. On a very cold night in North Dakota, I surrendered my life to Christ. Jesus had come and rescued me. I was ugly and he beautified. I was hopeless and He restored. I was undeserving but He gave.
The next couple of years, The Lord did a mighty work in my heart. I understood that my sins were wiped away and forgiven, but I struggled with forgiving myself. I had a friend tell me about a postabortion Bible study. It was there I learned how to start forgiving myself. Forgiveness and especially healing is a process.
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Erin with her family
Even now, when Satan attacks, I literally have to say out loud, “I AM FORGIVEN.” The healing comes in stages. New pains arise, like telling my story to my husband before we were married. Even now, sharing this with you. It’s difficult saying aloud that I had sex with someone else. It’s embarrassing and heartbreaking to have to say I didn’t wait for Keith. Telling my daughters that they have a sibling in heaven has been difficult too. Wiping tears away from their cheeks was a pain that I never imagined when I choose to abort my baby. Abortion will affect me in some way my entire life. No, the pain isn’t raw and excruciating like it once was, but moments like telling my kids never crossed my mind.
Although I deal with pain in some shape, form, or fashion nearly every day, God has been faithful not only to forgive and restore me, but bless me beyond what I deserve. The relationship I have with my parents has never been better. Healing has had to happen on both sides. Especially with my mom.
One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Philippians 1:6 – “And I am sure of this, He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” So, He’s not done with me, but He will continue to work on me until He calls me home. My blessings outweigh the pain and that’s a reminder of God’s love and grace.
Sex is a beautiful gift that God has given and should be enjoyed only in marriage. My story is just one example of the many consequences of having sex before marriage. If you or someone you know is pregnant and thinking about abortion, my hope and prayers are that you will call the pregnancy center and talk to me.
Or if you or someone has had an abortion, please call me and don’t suffer alone. This story isn’t easy to share. But, as I said to you in the beginning, our best learning experiences are from other’s mistakes. And that’s why I wanted to share my story with you.
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