Tiffany Dionne Kelly, A Lost Girl’s Journey to Hope

“A Lost Girl’s Journey to Hope”

An interview with sex-tra cking survivor, motivational speaker, and author

Tiffany Dionne Kelly

BY WOMEN’S LIFESTYLE

TIFFANY DIONNE KELLY IS A SURVIVOR. She was

kidnapped at ten years old, sexually assaulted in her teens, and in her twenties, she was a young single mother of four, struggling to take care of her family while attending cosmotolgy school. She found herself in a relationship with a “Romeo Pimp”, that forced her in the dark world of sex tra cking.

After four years of abuse and explotiation, she found the courage to stand up for herself, and her children. Leaving her abuser, and Grand Rapids, Michigan as her tra cker went to prison.

Now as a advocate, motivational speaker, and author a four-part book series, Restore | A Lost Girl’s Journey to Hope. Ti any Dionne shares her pain, and her story to help encourage others to move into a purpose lled future on her journey of healing and restoration. WL: Because they they’re not old enough to give consent?

Ti any Kelly: Exactly, there, they’ll have the ability to give consent. So a lot of times when we see victims we’re not aware that they’re a victim because it appears as though they’re given consent. So, my story was I had what you call a Romeo Pimp or tra cker, and so what all that means is that we were in a relationship. He approached me and pursued me, much like somebody will pursue someone looking for a girlfriend. And so you know he was very charismatic. He was very funny, he seem to be really intelligent, and he’s saying like, he really liked me. And I found out much later that was not the case.

WL: Can you tell me more about where you were in life when this was happening?

WOMEN’S LIFESTYLE: When people hear about sex tra cking and modern slavery. I don’t think that they consider that it could happen in their community. ey believe it happens in the dark corner of the world, but this did happen here in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Can you share your story with us Ti any?

TIFFANY DIONNE KELLY: Well, sure, so just to start, I wanna give you a de nition of what sex tra cking is, and maybe you can, it’s a little bit easier to understand how this can happen anywhere. Sex tra cking is the commercial sex act that’s induced by force, fraud, or coercion, and if the person that is being tra cked is a minor, that will make it tra cking as well, the person that’s being sold, if the person being sold is a minor, that will make it tra cking as well. So that means that you can have a minor who appears to be consenting, but they’re still being tra cked due to the de nition of what tra cking is.

TDK: At this point in my life, I was in my mid 20’s. I was in school. I was in cosmetology school, and I was just in a very broken place. I had four children at the time. I did not have any money. I barely had the resources to go to school and take care of my kids. And I was in a very broken place emotionally, and so that really contributed to my exploitation.

WL: When you met the Romeo Pimp, what happened?

TDK: Yes, I met him while I was attending school. He was attending there as well, but one of the misconceptions about sex tra cking or human tra cking is that there has to be some movement, that there has to be like, crossing borders or crossing state lines or something like that and that the person might possibly have been kidnapped or something like that. Now I was kidnapped. I was kidnapped when I was ten years old, and those traumas that happened to me early on in life lead to that brokeness that I spoke about, right. And so I was taken when I was ten. I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager, on more than one occasion and what we know about young people is that when they’re broken, it seems as though people prey on them, right, so it’s almost like, I had prey written across my forehead.

WL: When you were ten, and you were abducted, can you elaborate on those circumstances?

TDK: I really cannot because, as we will talk about later, I’m an author, and that story is really played out in my book. I don’t want to give out too many details about that because I don’t want to give the story away, but I was gone for a pretty long time. I was gone for almost a year. Just about a year, I believe. And when I came back, I, you know, came back to my family, my family was very loving and caring, and everything but I did not get any help, I didn’t get any counseling or anything like that. Everyone was very broken and hurt and upset by what happened, and it’s kind of like, we just brushed it under the rug and kept it movin and so because of that trauma. It kept just being played out over and over and over again and my life as a teenager and I was looking for, I was broken. I have all the voids, and I was looking for something to ll that void, and, you know, men, in particular, took advantage of that brokenness.

WL: at is a lot to have to endure. When you were in the sex tra cking with the Romeo Pimp, how long did that go on, and did you still see your friends and family one that was happening?

“I was kidnapped when I was ten years old”

TIFFANY DIONNE KELLY

TDK: You know what? I did not see them as much, so what began to happen, it played out kind of like an abusive relationship. So think about somebody who’s involved in domestic violence. Early on, that person is being very charismatic. It seems like the relationship is amazing, and it also goes really, really fast, right, and so they reel you in very quickly with their charm and their kindness and everything. But then they start to encourage you to pull away, and they start to, you know, bring up the faults of others. ey start to, you know, point out like, you know this family member doesn’t really care about you, this friend doesn’t really have your best interests at heart and so slowly but surely you become isolated and so that’s what was happening with me.

And so all of a sudden, I looked around me, and all the friends that I had were other people who are being victimized as well, and so I didn’t really see. But I didn’t, I wasn’t as aware as I would have been. If you know, I still have my real friends and my life. at’s kind of when I stopped answering the phone, stopped going around them. And then it just kind of became normal to just totally lean on him as my source of support.

WL: So when you looked at your other friends, you kinda thought that it was normalized, and you’re like, this is just how it is, right?

TDK: at how we live? Yup, everybody that I was around was being abused physically. Everybody that I was being around was being exploited in some type of way, and, you know, we just all just kinda lived and kept it moving. Yup.

WL: Did your family ever notice any of this stu and say anything, or they didn’t really know or couldn’t tell?

TDK: At that time, like I said, I was pretty isolated from my family. It took place over a period of time to where they weren’t aware of why I was pulling away, you know, so their attention was probably somewhere else, it was diverted to something else, and they weren’t quite aware of what was happening. ey just knew that there was a change, and they didn’t like the change, and they would prefer that I would go back to my normal self, but they weren’t necessarily aware of why.

ere were a couple of occasions where I had a very close friend growing up, and she was around me, and the person that I was with, the guy that exploited me, and I remember him saying something to the e ect of “You know what this is just how Ti any is” or something like that. She got really upset, and she said, “No, this is not how Ti any is, this is how you are.” and she got very upset, and kind of confronted him. But again, that just made me kind of pull back from her as well, like I didn’t want people to see, you know, what was happening, and so, yeah, I was just more comfortable pulling away.

WL: Did your abuser present any threats, or how did they control you? What was your biggest fear of leaving that person, or did you even want to leave them, or didn’t you have the capacity to leave anymore? Were you too worn down from the situation?

TDK: I was de nitely very worn down, and that’s the interesting thing about this type of exploitation. When there is... so we call them Romeo Pimps, you know. So when they nesse you, you feel like you’re in a real relationship and so they will say things like “You know I love you,” “You know I care about you,” and your situation with them has taken place like, a regular relationship would in some respects and so they’re saying things like, again like, “You know I love you. You know I care about you.” And so their control is much more psychological. Alright? And so they use your emotions to kind of play tricks with your mind, and for example, I had children, and so, he would do a lot of things with my kids. He would pick them up from school. He would play with them. He would do all of the things that you want, you know, a romantic partner to do.

And then when I didn’t want to do something that he was requesting, he would berate me and make me feel like, how dare you tell me no and look at what I’ve done for you, and who else will want you and all these kids and who do you like, basically like, who do you think you are telling me no, in so many words. But it’s in the midst of a regular argument, you know. And so, I feel like I was being backed into a corner with my situation like I’m broke, I have these kids. I have this man who is seeming to help me, and why wouldn’t I do what he’s requesting me to do.

Very early on it was just very psychological, and now the rst time that I performed a commercial act, I didn’t want to go through with it. And I told him I do not want to go through it, and I called him on the phone, and up until this point, we got along pretty well. We hadn’t had any arguments up until this point and so, it is just like the mind game but we hadn’t had any real arguments so to speak. So I called him on the phone, I told him I didn’t want to do it, we’re actually at a strip club, and he was waiting on me to perform.

He had his friends out, and there were several people there that were waiting on

me to come out and perform. I told him I didn’t want to, and he got very angry and very irate, and I say that I was more addicted to the idea of being loved than any drug or substance or anything else that you could possibly be addicted to because of the traumas that I had endured in the past. So when I heard that anger, his voice and I felt like I was losing control of that.

I felt like I was losing control. I felt like I was losing something that I wanted desperately and so badly that I would kinda just do anything to keep it, right. And so I didn’t end up dancing that evening, and his friends were very concerned, and they were looking at him like what’s going on? Like, why are you so angry with her? And you know, I was fearful, and he hadn’t ever hit me, he hadn’t ever done anything to me physically up until this point. And so, but I was fearful because of his very quick change in attitude.

And so on our way home, I was kind of asking him, you know “what’s wrong, why are you so upset?” And he just went o on me. He went ballistic, he just totally went crazy. And he was telling me that he was ashamed of me. How dare I waste money like that? Because I had purchased items in order to be at the club that evening. How dare I embarrass him, how dare I make him look like a fool. And he’s screaming at me at the top of his lungs, and he’s pounding his st into his hand, and I felt like I was again losing control of the situation, and I felt like I wanted so desperately bad, and I got out of the vehicle to get away from him, and he chased me in the car!

at evening is when our relationship went from a regular relationship to me, to one to where there was a power and control, thing happening where he was de nitely in control when I was doing what he told me to do or else. So there became an “or else” attached at that time but up until that point there wasn’t, and so after that violence ensuded when I didn’t do what he wanted me to do, and it just went from there, and it escalated from there.

WL: How long was it before you nally had enough, and it was time to, to get out of this?

TDK: e relationship ended for good after four years.

WL: And the whole time you were doing the commercial work?

TDK: You know what? I did most of the commercial work took place over the course of a year and a half, and then it would continue in a situational way depending on what was going on and depending on what the need was.

WL: And then how did you get out of this, and what was the nal straw? Where were you, what were you thinking, or how did you nally decide it was enough?

TDK: e nal straw for me was... altogether, I have ve children, so me and that person had a child as well. e nal

straw for me was a situation where I was at my home. It was late in the evening, and he was upset about whatever it was he was upset about, I’m not sure what it was. He was sending correspondences through text and phone calls, letting me know that when he got to the house, I should be prepared for him to, you know, do something to me. Do something terrible to me, and so I was fearful, and I was sitting in my home, and I was planning in my head how to protect myself and my kids, and it didn’t occur to me to call the police because I had called the police several times before and they hadn’t o ered a whole lot of assistance and I was just like in this wait mode of fear. several hours later and he attacked me! And through the course of this ght my children came upstairs, my older two daughters came upstairs as they normally would when something was wrong. ey fought him o of me and called the police, and it was a really bad situation. He left.

e police came that evening and they were speaking with me and my children. I was concerned because the police didn’t

look like they really necessarily believed what we were saying, or, they didn’t look like, you know, they were paying too close of attention. ey weren’t taking any notes or anything. ey were just kind of listening to us speak, and all of a sudden it occured to me that me and my children we’re pretty calm. I think we were so calm because this was our normal, right? But we had gone through this so many times with this person that it was normal, and we just appeared too calm, and we didn’t look like we were in danger. So, they didn’t take it as that we were in danger.

So, I was sitting on the couch, and the o cer was talking to me, and he nally turned to my daughter. She was a preteen, and he turned to my daughter, and he asked her why she woke up that night because it was pretty late. It was pretty late, it was twelve, one o’clock in the morning, and she said, “I always wake up when my momma’s in danger.” And it was like a light bulb, like a switch went o in my mind. Like, I am always in danger with this person and it’s never gonna change. I’m always in danger. I’m always in danger.

en the o cer, it clicked for him as well in that moment. Like, okay, I see what I’m dealing with here, and he, you know, began taking notes, and the person who was exploiting me ended up coming back to the house that evening, and they arrested him and took him to jail, and he ended up going to prison. at was the end for me, and I knew that it had to be the end no matter how I felt and no matter how much I wanted the situation. It had to stop because I couldn’t let it keep, you know, continuing with my children.

And it was like a light bulb, like a switch went o in my mind. Like, I am always in danger with this person and it’s never gonna change. I’m always in danger. I’m always in danger.”

WL: But even though that happened, you still kind of wanted it (the relationship)?

TDK: Oh, yeah, de nitely, de nitely. I loved him and wanted to be with him and wanted the relationship to work, and I wanted it to be what it appeared to be. I wanted it to be a relationship and not one of victim and abuser.

WL: You’re out of the situation and at what point did you say you’re gonna write a book about your story and, did you also decide that you’re gonna become a speaker and advocate at the same time or, were those two di erent things?

TDK: So, I knew that I had to do something extreme to get out of the situation and stay out, or else I would just take him back because I had left him several times before and just went right back to the abusive situation. So what I did was, like I said, he went to prison, and I moved across the country. I moved to California. I had to put, you know, physical distance between the two of us and just totally cut all ties with him and people who had anything to do with him. And so, while I was there, I just spent a lot of time praying and, you know, just building myself up and my spiritual foundation. One of the things that was helpful for me was to start volunteering, and so I began volunteering with an antitra cking organization, and I just wanted to, you know, give back and help other women. I had gone to counseling, and my children went to counseling so, I wanted to give back. rough that, I was able to nd my voice and speaking and sharing and helping with something that was very ful lling to me. Continued on page 15