Choice 4 Change

CHOICE4

I HAVE THREE HOLES IN MY HEART NO SURGEON COULD REPAIR THEM NO SCAN COULD SEE THEM BUT I HAVE THREE HOLES IN MY HEART

A Choice4Change client is above all, a mum; a separated or bereaved mum, but always a mum. Celia Wyatt (MBACP) tells us about the work of Choice4Change

One of the most abiding themes for women in prison is grief and guilt over lost or separated children. Choice4Change (C4C) exists to help women with such heart-breaking losses. Through one-to-one sessions, C4C’s counselling aims to build a better understanding and acceptance of the past and to resolve some of its pain, to identify and acknowledge strengths, and to grow in self-respect, confidence and resilience. C4C is a project of Choices Islington, a Christian charity with an ethos of compassion, care and respect. The counselling is non-judgemental, accepting and respectful offered with warmth and care.

C4C uses its own bereavement programme called Time to Heal, which works through identifying deeper feelings, often pushed down and denied, and finding healthy expression of emotions of anger, guilt and shame about losing children. It has a strong focus on enabling grieving, especially where children have not died but are permanently separated. The programme moves on to consider issues of responsibility; how did this happen? Often, there’s a long and complex process of helping a mother to see she was not solely to blame and to recognize that others bear responsibility for what happened too. Forgiveness is used to help resolve anger towards others and the self, and as a long-term solution to feelings of guilt and shame. The end focus is on understanding acceptance and letting go in order to move on.

Although C4C is primarily a counselling programme, the service does include advocacy and practical support with re-establishing contact with separated children, including letterbox contact with adopted children. This is often a necessary step to set minds at rest about the child’s well-being; because a C4C client is above all, a mum; a separated or bereaved mum, but always a mum.

C4C loves working with women in

CHANGE

prison and walking the road with our clients. We watch with awe as women face up to their losses with courage and humility, voice the pain inside and start to find healthy, life-affirming ways of moving forward. It’s such an honour to be trusted with the pain and the sadness but also the hope. To see a separated or bereaved mother rediscover their selfrespect and hope for the future is deeply rewarding.

Currently, C4C is offered in three women’s prisons in Surrey: HMPs Bronzefield, HMP Downview and HMP Send. It operates as part of the psychological therapies service under the Mental Health Team and the NHS.

In response to the pandemic, the C4C counselling service usually provided in prisons is now also available for women recently released from prison. Counselling is offered remotely by telephone or online video. For more information please contact 07736 950345.

WHAT OUR CLIENTS SAY

“C4C helped me because I feel like I’ve offloaded something I’ve never been able to before. Before, whenever I spoke about losing my children I always used drugs, but this time I’ve learned to speak without using to block out the pain. The counselling’s helped me understand how my life

“I feel like growing up has made me as a mother. I have also learned

I’ve offloaded to see things how my daughter may see it.” something I’ve “The counselling has never been able to before.” helped me focus on positives rather than negatives. I have talked honestly and openly and this has lightened my burden and helped me move forward to a positive future. I’m no longer depressed. I feel more at peace with my son’s adoption and I’m definitely moving in the right direction to achieve my goals. I feel a lot happier, proud of myself, and feel like I’ve set the wheels in motion to achieve the future I want.” “Amazing to have a safe space where I can trust and tell the complete truth. I felt safe and understood which is hugely important to me and above all, not been judged.”