Woman's Essence Magazine February 2019

FEBRUARY 2019

NR. 2

HEALTH

Heart disease in Women

RELATIONSHIP

Loving yourself, should be your priority

FASHION & BEAUTY February...

Season of Love

Why the secret

to your success is

WHO YOU MARRY

THE WIFE

THE MOTHER

THE BUSINESS WOMAN

1

2

3

WHAT’S INSIDE 6 Editor’s Note 8 Business Mind Your Own Business! …A Word to the Wise…

Law is Good…

10 Women of Strenght Becoming a better & stronger woman, After surviving cancer

14 Fashion & Beauty 14 Insiders guide to How To Dress For a Date 18 February... Season of Love

24 Health Heart Disease in Women

26 Motherhood What it’s like to be a single mom on Valentine’s Day

28 Relationship Loving Yourself Should Be Your Priority!

4

20 February Special Why the secret to your success is who you marry

20 February Special

Why the secret to your success is who you marry 5

Letter from the editor...

It

is a wonderful feeling to give and show love. But the hard part is finding the right person who will deserve it. However, before searching for who to give your love to, start with giving all that love to yourself.

You deserve it! By showing yourself love, you are teaching people how to treat you. When they see your bright smile and feel your positive energy, they will know that they have to come to you correct. No games and no lies. Importantly, when you know how to love yourself, you will easily recognize people who don’t know how to love and you will not accept them in your life. People who don’t love themselves will only bring drama and pain.

They cannot give you love, all they can do is

6

take and abuse the love you will give to them.

It is imperative you take time to spend with yourself and love who you are. It is not about having someone in your life to feel complete.

You have to do it yourself. You have to realize only you have the power to your happiness. By depending it on the love of someone else will only bring you heartache. You have to believe in you and love yourself. To love yourself is the best gift you can give. Deepak Chopra discussed that you will have to make contact with your inner self by spending time alone and practicing the kind of love you aspire to receive. When you are ready, you will be able to form relationships where you feel loved and appreciated.

Woman’s Essence magazine is for and about powerful women all arround the world. About the Mothers , workers or business women , and about the Wifes. They all fit into one body.

Our mission is to engage, ins-pire and cultiver each soul that reads our magazine by sharing hopes, stories, dreams, etc.

This magazine would not be existing if not by each of our readers support.

We are looking for Inspiring Women Do you know a woman that is interesting and has all the assets to be on the Cover of WEmagazine?

Or are you the one and want to share your story with other women ? Is there a special project or organization you would like us to feature in our magazine?

Let us know!

Email your suggestions at admin@womans-essence.com Share your special events.

Are you part of a business or an organizations and have planning an event, seminar or important meeting?

Send us the details about your upcoming event or the flyer/advert design at advertisement@ womans-essence.com Share the Hapiest day of your life!

You recently got married and had an unique and special wedding event? If you want to share that with other women for inspiration and the joy of it, send us a short description of the event and yourself and your wedding photos.

Email your moment and photos at admin@ womans-essence.com or claire.guerre@womans-essence.com All photo submisisons must be 300dpi. If you have any questions related to this feel free to ask, we’ll assist you.

February 2019, Issue 2

Publisher Adriana Okpalaugo adriana.okpalaugo@womans-essence.com Editor-In-Chief Claire K.Guerre claire.guerre@womans-essence.com WE always welcome your comments and suggestions Contact us at: admin@womans-essence.com Follow us!

FACEBOOK www.facebook.com/womans.essence INSTAGRAM @womansessencemag PINTEREST www.pinterest.com/wemagazinee Advertise with us!

Email us at advertisement@womans-essence.com All submissions must be submitted as JPG or PDF, or 300dpi.

7

BUSINESS

Mind Your Own Business!

… A Word to the Wise… Law is Good…

“I

BELIEVE THAT WE MUST MAINTAIN PRIDE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THE ACTIONS WE TAKE, BASED ON OUR OWN DECISIONS AND CHOICES AS INDIVIDUALS, LINK DIRECTLY TO THE MAGNIFICENT CHALLENGE OF TRANSFORMING HUMAN HISTORY”.

(SGI PRESIDENT-DAISAKU IKEDA)

,,

I think that it’s fantastic that so many women are taking the lead and creating their own destiny through active planning and enterprise. However amongst all the breakthroughs and victories, I want to remind everyone that the rule of law is pivotal in establishing, protecting and maintaining any enterprise and or endeavor.

running our lives, women, especially women in developing countries, make daily business decisions and may also face daily injustices , yet they fail to take legal action or consult the law because of several factors; lack of time; ignorance and indifference; legal institutions entrenched in preserving sexist attitudes; community reaction, and gender-biased legislation In addition to getting caught up in the aimed at preserving the economic and soeveryday buzz of running a business and cial dominance of men.

8

By Alexandra Dolce

As a woman business owner, you have the right and the obligation to preserve your hard work and legacy. My recommendation to all of you is to USE the law to protect yourselves, your assets, your business and your family. This may seem daunting to some of you, but here are several suggestions.

First and foremost, when possible, retain counsel.

If you can’t afford an attorney, many countries have legal clinics that provide services at reduced cost or that provide referrals to attorneys that provide services at a reduced cost. You may also want to consult professors at a local law school. Many academics are willing to advise for free or for a nominal amount.

Second, if you can’t afford a lawyer on your own, set up a group fee situation. For example, a group of women will pay a fraction of the total costs of having a lawyer on retainer, and all women in the group will have access to this lawyer for her particular needs. Make sure there is an agreement delineating the rights and responsibilities of all parties, including that of the attorney involved. For instance, a group of women may pool funds to get legal counseling on business issues and /or business and personal issues for one year. That contract may provide that each subscriber, based on what is paid either monthly, quarterly or annually, will receive 2 hours of advice per month and a half-hour of over the phone or face-to –face consultation.

It’s your money, so be creative when requesting various services because it is important that everyone’s needs are met. For example, the group may decide to have unused hours rolled over into the next month, or you can also agree on transferring your hours to another member of the group if needed. Just remember to make sure all rights and responsibilities are clearly spelled out in the retainer agreement.

If getting counsel is totally out of your realm, then use the Internet for research. The Internet is an excellent resource for current information on laws that regulate your business and laws affecting many other aspects of your daily life. However, please make sure that the information is current, and do consistent research to see if any changes have been made or are expected. If you do not understand what you have read, ask around. Again, a local law school is always a great resource.

Why am I so adamant about this you may ask? I believe that as women we must always be ready to assert our prowess. If not, no matter how much money we have, we will never be taken seriously. So what better way to show what you’re made of then to have the law working on your side!

So until next time ladies… keep it real, keep it profitable and make it legal.

9

WOMEN OF STRENGHT

Becoming a Better & Stronger Woman

After Surviving Breast Cancer By Claire Guerre

As

women we are busy putting our family before us. We sacrifice our well-being to make sure our husbands and children have our undivided attention. Sharon Spencer’s concern was her son and getting him through college. However, her focus shifted to her health when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She took time to answer Woman’s Essence Magazine (For & About Powerful Women) questions regarding her battle with breast and how she became a woman with a new attitude Share with WEmag the woman you were before being diagnosed with breast cancer?

Before cancer I was Carefree healthy athletic and very outgoing. I loved life.

Do you remember what exactly were you thinking when the doctor gave you your diagnosis? Did you set new goals?

After being diagnosed I was shocked and devastated. It felt like I was in a bad What goal or goals did you set for dream. I promised myself that when I was yourself to achieve before breast finished with cancer I would help others cancer? Did you achieve that goal get through their battle. or goals?

To be honest my only goal before cancer What were your outlets to help you was supporting my son Aaron and getting cope with battling cancer? him through college.

Talking to others about my cancer was therapeutic for me. When I was physically able to go out I would go to restaurants and shopping to occupy my mind.

10

Who were your support team?

What did they do to support you?

I had a great support system. My friends are family were phenomenal. They offered to take me out listened and sympathize with me when I needed to vent when I cried they cried with me.

How did you tell your son about having breast cancer? How did he support you? How did you help him believe that you will beat breast cancer?

My son Aaron was home from college on his break and I sat him down and explained to him that I had breast cancer.

He did the breast cancer walk with his friends.

I kept reassuring him that I was strong and that everything would be fine and that I needed him to be strong for me and he was. he went online and educated his self about breast cancer. He was extremely supportive And I love him for that.

Who are you today after kicking breast cancer’s butt?

Today I am so much stronger and educated about breast cancer. After you go through breast cancer you know exactly how strong you are and what you are made of. I am more compassionate and I like the changes that I have made.

How has being a breast cancer survivor change you and the people around you who were also affected?

I look at life so differently now. I appreciate everything I take nothing for granted. I constantly thank God for allowing me to come through this battle and I continue to spread the word about cancer awareness.

Do you believe you are living in your purpose now? you know that you are living in your purpose when you are happy with what you are doing. I do poetry public speaking fundraisers and I walked the pink runway in October 2018.

I am very vocal about my battle because silence does not help others. I’m about educating and empowering other women about breast cancer.

How are you helping other women and their families who are battling cancer?

I visit other women battling breast cancer whether I know them or not. Often friends and co-workers lead me to cancer patients. I have formed friendships and great bonds with these women. I also speak to the families and share my story to strengthen them.

Are there new sets of goals for yourself to accomplish or have you accomplished your goals?

Although I have accomplished several goals there will always be new goals to overcome. Although I have made my mark in this world I will never be satisfied I will continue to think of ways to make the cancer battle a much easier one for those coming after me. I would love to organize a support group for children to help them understand cancer and a class about chemotherapy before women begin treatment. Out of your pain comes your purpose.

11

12

When you hear the word “Cancer”, it makes you so sad ~ some panic, some fight, but most people get mad.

You struggle with feelings that you’ve never had, but treatment is available, so aren’t you glad?

Oh the red devil chemo that makes you so ill ~ the fevers, the colds, that leave you with chills.

And oh don’t forget ~ the loss of the hair! That is the thing that most women fear~ and telling your family while hiding your fears.

The feeling of sadness~ the fight, the tears ~ This time next year where will I be?

The sleepless nights and uncertainty, it seems like forever.

The treatment will last, but as the Lord has promised, this too shall pass.

Before you know it, you’re over and done, and you say to the devil, “Ha, this time I’ve won!”

When you finish with cancer that made you so mad, You’ll walk with a strut that you’ve never had.

When you finish with chemo, proudly take a bow~ no hair, no eyebrows, but look at me now!

Though I’ve been through the fire, and oh it was bad, I’m a ten year survivor, and boy am I glad!

Poem CICK Spencer HERE

by Sharon

TO VIEW

13

FASHION & BEAUTY

Insiders guide to How To Dress For a Date By Diane Pollack

14

G

etting dressed everyday is hard enough! Now throw in trying to look and feel sexy for a date. The pressure is on... Does this top show to much cleavage? Is this outfit sexy enough for a date? Should I wear those sexy shoes, that absolutely kill my feet?And the questions go on...

You are probably nervous enough as it is, you really don’t need the pressure of finding the perfect outfit on top of that, now do you? I am going to try and make this easy for you.

A good place to start is by finding out the location or activity of the date. Relax....every place has a large range of what is appropriate, so as long as you stay within that range, you are doing fine. For instance, if you are going to play miniature golf, stilettos would be inappropriate (and you may ruin them too).

Now for drinks or dinner - This would be in the evening, hence upping the level of your look. you wouldn’t want to be too casual or sloppy, yet a cocktail dress would be overkill. Most anything in between will probably work. Now that you have the appropriate range narrowed down, what makes you feel fabulous?

What do you love to wear? A cute outfit with *jeans could be appropriate. Dress it up with a dressy and/or sexy top, heels, a dressy piece of jewelry or a smaller more evening bag. You can also have fun with skirts or dresses here depending on your style. But mostly wear what you feel good in.

Some ladies are pants ladies and some prefer dresses and skirts.

So think about if one is more your thing over the other than go for that, it is your choice here. * TIP: Dark wash jeans are dressier.

Have a coffee date? Coffee is probably in the day and a bit more casual than most evening dates. Jeans are very appropriate, just wear a cute little top with it or a fun piece of jewelry. Just make sure you look like you put some thought into it and not your ratty old jeans with casual un-thoughtful other pieces. Or maybe you prefer dresses. Just make sure that it is a daytime casual dress look, you don’t want to feel overdressed.

15

If you are coming from work, transform the business like attire, with a change of shoes, a small evening bag or a great piece of jewelry. And don’t forget about the makeup touch-up. You can go a little bolder than your daytime makeup here. Perhaps, slip off that blazer or cardigan to reveal a less covered up look. An arm, back or shoulder reveal is great. Remember your date will probably be coming from work too, so there is less expectation of a sexy outfit as compared to a Saturday night date.

Now here are some don’ts.

Of course, you want to look great, but please don’t wear anythingill-fitting or uncomfortable. Those killer heels may look hot, but could really ruin your date. You will not be happy if you are in pain and you will not be a fun date.

sexy or wearing too much makeup.

This can look cheesy and look like you are trying too hard. Every woman wants to feel sexy on a date. But every woman also has a different definition of what sexy feels like to them. A great guideline to go by is to focus on one area to highlight. If you show your legs than be a little more covered up on top. A low neckline could be your choice, but avoid the obvious like too much cleavage. A little mystery is sexier.

No trampy clothes please. When your boobs are the focal point, your date will not be looking or concentrating on what you are saying. Same thing goes for a way to short or way * TIP: Not feeling great about most of your body right now, everyone has too tight items of clothing. sexy shoulders.

If your strapless top keeps falling down or your clingy skirt keeps riding up and you are constantly adjusting it, Here are 4 tips for a woman to you are going to be too pre-occupied instantly feel sexy. with making sure your clothing is covering everything it should. Make sure 1) Sexy Lingerie - even if you are you wear something that will enable the only one who will know you are your focus to be on the date and not wearing it. worrying about having a wardrobe 2) Heels - how high they are is up to malfunction. On the flip side, make you. sure that you put some effort into the 3) Lipstick - a bolder color, red is a look. Don’t come straight from work great choice, if you dare. or the gym without some primping 4) Perfume - scent is very sensual. and showing like you care. A lack of effort shows. Don’t be sloppy, with At the end of the day, dress for you and be authentic. It doesn’t matter clothes hair or makeup. how sexy, cute or pretty an outfit is Just as every woman is different and if you personally don’t feel great in it has different tastes, so do their dates. or feel like it represents who you are.

But some things that can often be a turn off are trying to be too overtly

16

17

February...

Season of Love For some of us, Valentine’s Day is either the most beautiful and magical holiday there is, or a dreaded moment. Regardless, if you have met your soul mate, you are searching and in the dating social scene or single, proud and owning it, Valentine’s Day is a perfect moment to “deck the halls” with make-up and get glammed up!

If you are an enthusiastic or novice of make-up, a woman or a man (we have seen, recently, men breaking the barriers of makeup) you deserve to look your best. A natural look, which brings out your most special features (like: your lips, eyes or cheek bones) or a more dramatic look with strong colors, can be your choice of make-up for this holiday.

If natural is the way to go for you, do your make-up like you would normally do. To spicy things up, throw on a red lip (which is always classy) or use a gravity defying highlighter to show up that Valentine’s Day glow!

By NOVA

Nars Semi Matte Lipstick in Jungle Red $28 at Nordstrom

M.A.C Retro Matte Lipstick in Ruby Woo $19 at Saks Fifth Avenue

Here are some ideas of our top recommendations of lipsticks and highlighters that would give you that extra sparkle:

!

18

Make-up tip: if you have in your make-up kit, predominant matte lipstick, you can buy a clear lip gloss and swipe it Fenty Beauty by Rihanna Stunna over and BOOM! you have a shiny shade.

Lip Paint in Uncensored $24 at Sephora

Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Beauty Light Wand $38 at Charlottetilbury.com

Paese Cosmetics Highlighter Illuminating Powder Number 02, Fresh Pink

$17 at Ebay.co.uk

Too Faced Love Light Highlighter in Ray of Light $36 at Sephora.com

Put on a double highlighter layer, if you are feeling extra! *** All above availability and prices, depend on your local stores.

On Valentine's Day, you may feel pressured to invest in fancy makeup to impress (my opinion is you should do this every time you feel like it) but there is no need to blow-up your bank account; the local drugstore can produce truly excellent results for a fraction of the price.

If you feel feral and want to bring out that predator in you, a dramatic look is the way to go.

Make an impression with a smokey eye or a cat eye, to make your eyes pop.

Make Up Forever Artistic Smokey Eye

Pupa Kosmetik Eyeshadow Palette $36 at Pupa.it

Here are out top picks for smoky eyes and “panty dropper” eyeliner:

$33 at Makeupforever.com

Kat Von D - Tattoo Liner $20.00 at Sephora.com

Remember babes! You can do your smokey eye with all sorts of colors, not just black!

Here is our recommendation for Valentine’s Day make-up: Romantic vibes and a crossover of natural and daring looks!

XoXo Your Professional Make-up Artist Nova

19

Why the secret to your success is who you marry By Claire Guerre & Ruth Umoh | @ruthumohnews (www.cnbc.com)

B

efore falling in love with your soulmate, make sure in the relationship you will receive strong support in achieving your goals. Your partner will play an important role in your success. There are many couples who depended on their spouse in order to give 100% to their dreams. We watched former President Barack Obama rely on his wife former First Lady Michelle Obama to assist him in every aspect of the marriage to make sure he became president in 2008. She was behind the scene raising their daughters, working and being his cheerleader. It paid off for former President Obama. Currently he is supporting Michelle Obama with her #1 Best Seller book “Becoming.” Other couples are doing the same to ensure success such as Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan. She supported his goal and now they are living a very comfortable life. Ruth Umoh article shares information and research that being with a supportive spouse will give you the confidence to make better decisions leading to good results. If you want to be successful, you must say I do to the one who will allow you to focus on your goals.

We’ve often heard this saying: “Behind every successful man is nity...matter a lot for their long-term well-being,” Brooke Feeney, a good woman.” The expression also holds true for successful lead author of the study and professor of psychology at Carnegie women.

Mellon, says in a statement.

In fact, people with supportive spouses are “more likely to give themselves the chance to succeed,” according to a study published byCarnegie Mellon University.

Researchers studied 163 married couples and discovered that people with supportive spouses were more likely to take on potentially rewarding challenges. Those who accepted challenges experienced more personal growth, happiness and psychological well-being just a few months later.

“We found support for the idea that the choices people make at these specific decision points, such as pursuing a work opportu20

Many successful people have discussed the importance of having their spouse by their side. Former president Barack Obama attributes his political success to his wife.

“Obviously I couldn’t have done anything that I’ve done without Michelle,” Obama tells Oprah Winfrey in 2011. “You were asking earlier what keeps me sane, what keeps me balanced, what allows me to deal with the pressure. It is this young lady right here... Not only has she been a great first lady, she is just my rock. I count on her in so many ways every single day.”

21

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg noted the vital role his wife Priscilla Chan plays in his life in a 2017 Harvard commencement speech. The tech guru says Chan inspired him to volunteer his time and take on social work.

“Priscilla’s the most important person in my life so you can say, it’s the most important thing I built in my time here,” he says in the speech.

22

Of course, it’s not just women supporting their husbands. In a 2013interview with Winfrey, Beyoncé says that her husband, rapper and mogul Jay-Z, is extremely supportive and helps her “on so many levels.”

“I would not be the woman I am if I did not go home to that man,” says the Grammy winning artist. “It just gives me such a foundation.”

So what can one do to push their spouse to embrace new work opportunities? Express enthusiasm about an opportunity, reassure your partner and discuss the benefits of taking on a new role or challenge, says the study.

“Significant others can help you thrive through embracing life opportunities,” says Feeney. “Or they can hinder your ability to thrive by making it less likely that you’ll pursue opportunities for growth.”

23

HEALTH

Heart Disease in Women By Nandini Chattopadhyay, M.D.

“One of the most beautiful things in this world is a woman’s heart Its fragile, yet strong, delicate, yet resilient.

When a woman gives you, her heart, she gives her most prized possession.

If you love, nurture, cherish and protect it, She will give you the world.”

- Fawn Weaver.

Thus, it is very important for women to take heart attack symptoms unrelated to chest care of the very precious organ in our body. pain, such as: • Neck, jaw, shoulder, upper back or abTraditionally, known as the month of lo- dominal discomfort. vers and all things related to heart, • Shortness of breath February also reminds us to take care of • Pain in one or both arms our heart. It is American Heart Month. • Nausea or vomiting • Sweating It is often thought that heart disease • Lightheadedness or dizziness affects and causes death in men, howe- • Unusual fatigue ver the most common cause of death for both men and women is Heart Disease. Heart disease risk factors The difference is, the symptoms present for women differently in women compared to men. • Diabetes. Women with diabetes are 24 Women are more likely than men to have at greater risk of heart disease than are

men with diabetes.

• Mental stress and depression.

Women’s hearts are affected by stress and depression more than men’s

• Smoking. In women, smoking is a greater risk factor for heart disease in women than it is in men.

• Inactivity. A lack of physical activity is a major risk factor for heart disease, and some research has found women to be more inactive than men.

• Menopause. Low levels of estrogen after menopause pose a significant risk factor for developing cardiovascular disease in the smaller blood vessels (coronary microvascular disease).

• Certain chemotherapy drugs and radiation therapy for cancer. Some chemotherapy drugs and radiation therapies, such as those used to treat breast cancer, may increase the risk of cardiovascular disease.

• Pregnancy complications. High blood pressure or diabetes during pregnancy can increase women’s long-term risk of high blood pressure and diabetes and increase the risk of development of heart disease in the mothers.

How to reduce the risk of heart disease in women?

It is very important for women to stay healthy and exercise irrespective of their age. Eating healthy boosts overall metabolism and promotes good mental health. Eating a healthy diet encompasses whole grains, a variety of fruits and vegetables, low-fat or fat-free dairy products, and lean meats. Avoid saturated or trans-fat, added sugars, and high amounts of salt.

The Department of Health and Human Services recommends 150 minutes a week of moderate aerobic activity, 75 minutes of vigorous aerobic activity a week, or a combination of moderate and vigorous activity. That’s about 30 minutes a day, five days a week.

Guidelines from the American Heart Association (AHA) urge women to be more aggressive about cutting their cardiovascular disease risk. For some women, this includes a daily aspirin. But, the routine use of daily aspirin therapy to prevent heart disease in low-risk women younger than 65 years old isn’t recommended. However, one should always remember that aspirin at any dose should not be taken without seeing a doctor.

All women face the threat of heart disease.

But becoming aware of symptoms and risks unique to women, as well as eating a hearthealthy diet and exercising, can help protect one and all.

25

MOTHERHOOD

What it’s like to be a single mom on Valentine’s Day By Elise Free www.scarymommy.com

When you are a single mom, Valentine’s Day is not about heart-shaped chocolates, flowers and sexy lingerie. Nope.

Not even close.

Valentine’s Day is about waiting until the last minute, and on the 13th, rifling through the reject cards at Target, then spending hours stuffing Pop Rocks and Sweet Tarts into teensy-tiny-eensy-weensy envelopes, then emailing my kid’s teacher at 9 p.m. for the class list because I can only re26

member 5 out of 23 students. And after the valentines are sufficiently stuffed with pure sugar, I’ll hop on Pinterest to search for a “healthy” snack that parents will approve and kids will actually eat. It will be something that looks simple enough, but in reality will take at least five hours to assemble—a ladybug made out of chocolate-dipped clementines or watermelon hearts with a cupid made of grapes and toothpicks. Yes, this is my life. On the most romantic day of the year, I will be re-

constructing the god of desire out of fruit.

Holidays are redefined when you’re a single mom. My child’s teacher takes the place of the “other parent,” sending home cards from my child for all officially recognized public school holidays. Without macaroni hearts glued to construction paper, turkeys in the shape of my kiddo’s hand, and popsicle stick pumpkins, my fridge would be bare, and my heart, oh so empty.

Don’t cry for me, Argentina. I’m fine with it. At this point in my life, I don’t have time for a valentine. It is plausible.

I’m not hideous or sporting a Hunchback of Notre-Dame physique. Someday I will attempt a February the 14th date. But right now, I would be the most distracted valentine in the world.

“Here’s a card. I didn’t have time to sign it because I had to pick up books from the library, do the grocery shopping, make a couple calls, cook dinner, and clean a guinea pig cage, so by the time I made it to the pharmacy the only card left was in Spanish and addressed to somebody’s grandmother —“Feliz día de la de San Valentín abuelita!” All the candy was picked through too, but I did find a Smurfs Pez dispenser in the parking lot. So, Happy Valentine’s Day!” I have my daughter 100 percent of the time, save for a few weekends a year. Trying to find time to date is like trying to find a Barbie shoe at the bottom of a toy box or remembering what my boobs looked like pre-breastfeeding—pointless, disappointing and ultimately impossible.

This year, instead of making dinner reservations or shopping for a sexy black dress, searching for a witty and romantic card, or writing a poem, I’ll pick up my crackedout-sugar-junky kid from school. Her lips will have a neon pink frosting mustache, and for the next three hours, she will be coming down from her sugar high, shaking and jumping up and down on the sofa screaming, “Just one more gummy heart! Please Mommy! I need it. I neeeeeed it!” I’ll wipe off her frosting mustache, kiss her forehead, and tell her to take it one day at a time.

While everyone posts annoying sentiments on social media like, “I love my hubs!” next to a picture of a dozen roses or chocolates, I’ll look over at my kid, who after the sugar shakes and possibly a little vomit, finally fell asleep.

And you know what I’ll think?

I have never loved a valentine more.

27

RELATUONSHIPS

Loving Yourself Should Be Your Priority!

By Nyema Brown

Love

is a part of life. It is a relationship builder. It is a divine beauty. It is a hope for many people, if not all. It is a victory when you find it in the right things. Women are expected to love- unconditionally. Despite the condition of a woman’s heart, she is often expected to express an emotion she sometimes forget to express to herself. The suppression of self -love, particularly in women, can be so infectious it can cause damage to the heart and mind. The mind begins to seek love in anything and the heart is often broken because of the pressures to love. This has become a cycle in women because of societal pressures, gender expectations, and generations of women who valued everything and everyone before they valued themselves. The prescription is for women to begin expressing love for who they are, what they are, and who they are to others.

Who are you?

If you picked up a mirror right now and looked at yourself in it, what would you have to say about the woman you are today?

Will you describe all of your physical attributes and talk about what you need to change about them?

Will you compare yourself to another woman?

Will your mind expose all of the negative opinions others left? If you answered yes to any of these, the reason may be because of your level of self-love.

28

Self-love is a product of your being. How you treat and love yourself will become the template for how others will treat and love you. If you walk around with your standards low, with your expectations low, with your value low, with your limits low, with your energy low, with you circumstances low, with your money low, and everything is low around you, your love for your self will become low. When your self-love is low, others will have less respect, less expectations, less commitments, and less compassion for you. Ultimately this will make you become less valuable to others.

Dr. Myles Munroe said, “People are not looking for you, they are looking for what you are carrying. And if you don’t manifest what you are carrying, the world will ignore you.” In order to find the confidence to manifest your greatest self, you must first have self-love. You have to love yourself enough to show who you are and what you can do for others. Maybe you’re not there yet. Maybe you need more time, maybe you need some more healing, maybe you need to build up enough courage to get to that level. But ultimately it’s you who’s stopping you. You allow yourself to be perceived, valued, treated, and respected.

When you decide you’re going to be your own champion, your own cheerleader, your own dictator, your own obstacle mover- you will begin to take ownership for your life. If you want to be in a relationship, you must bring yourself. * Who you are will determine how that person will treat you. * Who you are will determine the foundation of the relationship. * Who you are will determine if you are capable of being a responsible and loving partner. * Who you are starts with you.

You have love yourself enough to figure out the woman you want to be in a relationship. And until you figure who you are and what you want to be don’t waste a person’s time. No one can give you the love for yourself. Self-love comes from yourself. Be your first friend, be your first lover, be your first coach, be everything you want to be to yourself so what you learn to do for yourself you also learn to do for others. And when you become conjoined with those like-minded people, there will be more of a chemistry and less catastrophes.

Self-Love Self-Love, you are the thing that makes my heart beat, Self-Love, you are the vison of myself that I see.

Self-Love, you are the imagination that I want to share, Self-Love, you are the one that is always there.

29

30