Making New Friends: It’s Never Too Late

Question from a reader

I’ve been divorced for about a year now, and struggle with loneliness. I miss the friends we shared as a couple, but I’m just not comfortable socializing with couples anymore. I’m 58, and it feels awkward to try to make friends at my age. Any advice for me?

Answer from Gwenn

You’re not alone. Unfortunately, what you are experiencing often happens in the aftermath of a separation or divorce, especially if it was acrimonious. Friends’ loyalties can be split and, just as you feel uncomfortable relating to your former “couple” friends, some couples may feel uncomfortable relating to a now-single friend.

So how do you meet new people and cultivate friendships as an adult? Here are a few tips:

• First, be your own best friend

Taking care of yourself matters. Loving yourself shows. When you feel good about yourself you radiate a calm confidence and kindness that invites people in.

Healthy, positive people attract and gravitate to other healthy, positive people where friendships can flourish.

• Do more of what you enjoy doing

You won’t make new friends sitting alone at home. Get out of the house and do those things that bring you joy, whether it’s practicing yoga, learning a new language, taking a cooking class, playing music or any number of activities that put you with others.

You’ll meet people who share and appreciate your interests and aspirations, which — to quote Humphrey Bogart in “Casablanca” — could lead to “the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

• Consider a support group

It’s not uncommon for new friendships to be borne out of compassion and empathy. A divorce or grief support group will put you in touch with others facing similar challenges.

A friend of mine met her second husband in a divorce support group. She shared, “We got to know each other as friends first, and have remained ‘best friends’ throughout our marriage. It’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”

• Say “yes” to invitations and opportunities to be with people

Circulating at neighborhood porch parties, gallery openings, retirement parties, weddings, etc. can be the ticket to making a new friend. You’ll be out and about with people with whom you share something