I Kept Standing There

Ms. Kamaljit Kapur

This poignantly beautiful poem written by Ms. Kamal Kapur, parent of Arjun Kapur, Year 13, talks about how life goes through different stages, and how mothers experience a range of emotions as they see their children grow up.

I opened the door and showed him his room. His transition from sleeping in my room to his room. He clasped my hands as if never to leave me. I started negotiating with him. Telling him that he is no more a baby now. Now that he is a big boy, he must have his own room I kept standing there, convincing him to welcome his new space. He never closed his door. He wanted to see the outside world from his room. He did not want to feel isolated. He had his own fears & his own demons. He would invite me and share his space with me. I kept standing there, watching him playing and him nudging me to a part of his play.

I asked him to close the door, as he was growing up. Close the door when he is coming out of shower. Close the door, when he is changing his clothes. He would quickly finish his rituals and open the door. He would plan the family movie nights in his room with all the popcorn and tent accessories in his room. All planned very methodically and meticulously. I kept standing there watching his innocent acts He started closing the door on his own. He would be all quite if I opened the door. He would do polite talks and walk towards me. In between the conversation he would slowly slowly start the door closing process. I kept standing there wondering since when he started having these private moments. His door was always closed. He did not want to view the world from his room. He did not have any fears or hidden demons. He stopped inviting me to his room. There were no planned family activities in his room. The door came between us. Between us forever. I kept standing there, with the door closed on my face.