Antonia Santamaría

Circumstances Antonia SantamarĂ­a

Introduction A few months ago I was diagnosed with Guillain Barré, an autoimmune disease that messed up all my nervous system leaving me five days in intensive care and fifteen others in the hospital. This disease left me without the activities we do in our daily basis such as walking, eating, going to the bathroom, seeing (I started to see double), and just being an independent 17 years old girl I used to be. It was a long recovery full of therapies, a bunch of emotional crisis and reflection in general. After this disease was over I went back to school in a wheelchair and kind of reinvented my life through a whole different perspective of understanding life. I decided to create a portfolio based in my disease and in my evolution since after this experience I would like others to understand the disabled people’s view and to know that life goes way further that just a social life and other superficial stuff we are used to. All my works were guided to emotions and feeling since I believe that is one of the most effective ways that you can influence others to have empathy and to understand what you are trying to transmit.

I wanted others to understand my specific disease (Guillain Barré) and how it was a mental and physical process to get through all of it. Through my work I wanted others to feel blessed that they are healthy and to never take for granted anything they have since in any second you can lose everything, exactly how it happened to me. I focused my portfolio on explaining my disease and the emotions I constantly had with the purpose of making the expectators feel my pain and be thankful for their health. I also wanted to illustrate my constant thoughts and concerns and my biggest support which was my mom. I tried being as varied as I could and I did both 2D and 3D works depending on what I wanted to transmit with each piece. I also explored many different materials and techniques I’ve never used before and this challenged me in taking risks and becoming a more diverse and experienced painter.

Antonia Santamaria

Feet I wanted for my first piece of my portfolio to be something really important throughout my disease. This was my feet. When having Guillain BarrÊ, a burning started in my feet which made them be my first thought in any situation. I spent everyday thinking on them, on where to place them so that they didn’t hurt, I always had an eye on them for preventing them from any rub or touch to prevent myself from crying of pain. I wanted them to be the first drawing others saw since literally for two months in a row I couldn’t think in anything more important beside my feet.

charcoal on paper 35cm x 25cm

Evolution I had to use a wheelchair for two months and this definitely changed my perspective of life. I was in the shoes of all the disabled people and understood their way of thinking. I wanted with this work of art to express my journey with the wheelchair. Express my nonconformity at first and how when weeks passed it became something more familiar and finally I reached liberation.

Monotype 25cm x 13cm and 19cm x 14cm

MOM She was my biggest motivation. The one that supported me when I didn’t even believed on myself. She stayed up everyday to take care of me, to calm me down. I made this work of art as a sign of gratitude. Without my mom my recovery wouldn’t have been scary and long. Thank you, I love you

Linocut 35cm x 50cm

Trapped & Dumb I remember the first time I went to therapies right after I left the hospital. The first thing they asked me to do was to write to see if I had lost that ability. I didn’t understand the purpose, obviously I knew how to write. Indeed I had no strength to even write my name correctly.

I felt dumb. I felt like as if I was writing with my left hand, it was no different. Now, the part of the cables was to show how in the Intensive Care Units I had all sorts of cables around my body. I felt trapped, kind of like a prisoner that depends on some cables to survive.

Drawings with left hand Pen on paper 35cm x 25cm

Trapped & Dumb

Trapped & Dumb

Weak I had two essential emotions throughout my disease; state of reflection and desperation. Sometimes I was just serious and in my head I was thinking in all the things I’ve missed from my senior year and the reason of why I had to live with this disease. The rest of the time I spent it screaming of pain, crying and feeling impotent.

plaster masks 19cm x 13cm

Myelin Is the name for my suffering.

The myelin is the responsible of protecting our nerves and preventing them to have contact with one another to avoid like a “short circuit”. Its like a cable. The wires are the nerves in our body and the external cover is the myelin. The Guillain Barré basically destroyed my nervous system by removing the myelin for my body.

The absence of myelin made me see double, write bad, walk silly, etc. I draw this piece of art to represent that nerves without myelin. To represent my constant wish of having it back to recover my life.

charcoal, watercolor and cable wires on cardboard 36cm x 48cm

My Reality The first time I realized there was something wrong with my body was when I woke up and start seeing double. I got very scared. It is not normal to see like that out of nowhere. This lasted almost three months in which I had to close one eye in order to see normal. I took this photographies in the bathroom since it was the most traumatic activity of the day.

Since my feet were burning I hated that the water touched them and the whole logistic of getting into the bathtub chair was hurtful and I always cried.

photography

My Reality

Photography

Ajeno I felt alien in my body. When I looked in the mirror, I couldn’t recognize myself, I was ugly, skinny, dumb, it was hard. I also felt pain, mostly in my feet like if they were nailing me nuts and bolts. It was horrible.

Oil pastels, nuts and bolts on cardboard 28.5cm x 21cm

Revive The Antonia I knew was melting. I thought I would never recover. Days passed like an eternity. I felt a burning sensation through all my body. I couldn’t even open my hands because they hurt. I felt very sad. But at the end I realized anything is forever. I understood that all that burning was just a flame of power that was being born in me. A flame full of strength, bravery and teachings for life.

Watercolor on paper 30cm x 40cm

Obsession Who would’ve imagine to learn again how to walk?

It’s actually amazing the mechanism humans develop to walk. Heel, tip toe, heel, tip toe. It was anything I could think of. When I saw someone, all I could watch was his/her feet. The way he/she walked. It was very difficult for me to walk again. I seemed silly, like a baby who is making their first steps. I realized how lucky we all are to be healthy, to be able to walk. I believe it is something we should take more for granted, because we never know when life will make drastic changes.

Collage 100cm x 70cm