Principal’s Thoughts

At Wilderness School we promise to promote, enable and nurture a True and Courageous Self. It is a high aspiration, but one that is increasingly relevant today.

What does it mean to be true and courageous?

The last 18 months have shown us how resilient we can be. We have learnt to go about our lives in a new way - being flexible, innovative, and creative. Having the optimism and positivity to face and consider new threats and possibilities has become progressively more important. Being able to bounce back from disappointment and respond positively to challenges are core dispositions for success.

How do we nurture resilience in our children? According to a series of reports by Harvard University’s Centre on the Developing Child, including its 2020 paper, Connecting the brain to the rest of the body, young people are not born resilient. They develop strategies and dispositions to overcome setbacks and hardship as they grow. We live in a society where increasingly, the social rhetoric is that we all deserve to be happy all of the time. That stress and anxiety are aberrant behaviours and should be avoided. Feeling calm and in control is positioned as the norm. Yet levels of anxiety and stress are present in our lives. These are normal and part of our range of emotions. They serve to protect us and give us signals when things are not as they should be. If we feel uncomfortable, or perhaps threatened, it is our body and our mind telling us something is not right. Anxiety is doing its job.

Dr Lisa Damour, an American psychologist and author of the best-selling book Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls, writes that we need to reset how we view or define mental wellbeing. She argues that you are mentally well when you experience “the right feeling at the right time, and you are able to manage it effectively”. Right feelings at the right time include tension, worry, sadness, grief and anger. For example, if a girl keeps putting off her homework when an assignment is due, she will start to feel anxious. That is the right feeling at the right time. Beginning the work will ease her anxiety. Procrastinating makes it worse, but the feeling will ease if she reads her stress as a reminder that things aren’t right and starts her homework. If children are led to believe that feeling sad or worried is wrong, we are preventing them from forming the healthy mechanisms they need to read their own bodies. We all feel stress and anxiety in our everyday lives. For the most part, these emotions are appropriate. Knowing how to manage them effectively will work to our advantage. Harvard researchers call this “positive stress” and argue that children experiencing manageable levels of stress can be growth-promoting. They state that “over time, both our bodies and our brains begin to perceive these kinds of threats as increasingly manageable and we become better able to cope with life’s obstacles and hardships, both physically and mentally”.

They identify factors that predispose children to positive outcomes in the face of challenge. These include a stable and supportive adult relationship with a parent or teacher who supports them to build a belief in their self efficacy and control over their lives. This belief in their own ability to cope with and adapt to adversity can only develop if we allow children to experience anxiety and learn to respond appropriately and proportionally with support and love. Even in the most challenging situations, children and adolescents thrive when surrounded by supportive, caring adults. These can be deep, enriching learning experiences, which incrementally expose them to “positive stress”, leading to a belief in their own ability to cope with and adapt to adversity — a valuable life skill that they will continue to call on for the rest of their lives.

There are exceptions. Feeling anxious for no good reason is an example. Or when the anxiety is much more intense than is relevant for the situation. Girls ought not to be anxious when nothing is amiss. A wellprepared student shouldn’t have a panic attack when taking a minor test. Stress is unhealthy if it is chronic – coming without breaks or any chance for recovery – or if it stems from emotionally overwhelming trauma. It is then that young people need our intervention and professional support. As we move towards the exams and final assessments, it is appropriate to remember that it is quite normal to be anxious. Anxiety is letting you know you have a job to do. As Dr Damour suggests, our role is to help them understand they can take stress and anxiety and turn these emotions into “fuel”. Encouraging them to determine the next steps, without fixing things for them, grows their coping strategies and builds resilience. These are important steps to a true and courageous self.

Jane Danvers Principal