Whiskey River Soap Catalog Fall 2021

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Hey now.

Did someone say 82 new products? Hey now. That sounds crazy. About as crazy as putting stickers all over your face just because we told you to. It’ll look cool, we said. People love it when you put stickers all over your face, we argued. Well, we do love it, and we’re people! Kinda. We also love our new prank sticker pack and hope you will, too! And that’s not all. We have 82 new products in this catalog! (Did we say 82 yet?) From air fresheners to a coffee table book to new puzzles, matches, liquid soaps, candle tins and more, we’ve got you covered… in stickers, no less. And 82. New. Products.

Cover model Krystal displays her army green fingernail polish with our second-most meta product to date.

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Stick It! Prank Stickers page 34 Runner-up cover model Silver releases his first sticker album.

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Collections CANDLE BOOK

stickers

AIR FRESHENERS

MAGIC HALF-PINTS

Page 6

Pages 34-35

Pages 7-9

Pages 12-15

MADE IN CHINA. CAUTION: Keep out of reach of children and pets. Hang freely to avoid staining of any surrounding area.

Do not allow contact to upholstery, plastic, painted or varnished surfaces. Do not hang as to obstruct driver’s view.

© WHISKEY RIVER SOAP CO. • www.whiskeyriversoap.com

✓ Dog people suck ✓ Lint rollers in the car an air freshener for cat people

✓ My cat has an Instagram

warm milk scent

cat people ca n dl e

puzzles Pages 20-22

air

freshener

vintage paint can Candles Pages 23-25

MATCHbooks Pages 38-40

personal space rulers Pages 46-49

how to order Contact your local sales rep, or if you don’t know who the heck that is, give us a shout or send an email to sales@whiskeyriversoap.com and we’ll help you get connected.

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68 W. Main St.

TEL: (740) 973-9817

Newark, OH 43055

sales@whiskeyriversoap.com

Open 9 AM - 5 PM, M-F

www.whiskeyriversoap.com

matchboxes

liquid soap

soap

astrology

Pages 36-37

Pages 41-45

Pages 74-107

Pages 58-73 S O A P

F O

R

SAGITTARIUS A

N OV E M B E R 21 - D E C E M B E R 21

Smells like a disappearing act WANDERING WHITE TEA N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

FMK CANDLES

DUO candles

Pages 10-11

Pages 74-107

EMERGENCY AMBIANCE

bath bombs

phobia candles

Pages 16-19

Pages 54-55

Pages 56-57

pencils Pages 26-33

WTF? candles

journals

notes & info

pre-packs

Pages 50-51

Pages 52-53

Pages 109

Pages 110-111

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New !

Mini book of

Candles A hilarious retrospective of some of our favorite candles over the years.

A totable paperback perfect to take anywhere to entertain friends and foes alike. A great coffee table or bathroom read, if you're into that kind of thing.

Candle Lit. Volume One: 68 unique candles and descriptions; 5 ¾″ × 5 3/4″; velvet softcover, full-color pages. Sold in packs of 3.

candle lit. vol. 1 CB-1

$12.95 ISBN 978-0-578-92024-5

51295>

9 780578 920245

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New !

Air Fresheners

Know what stinks? Not you! Now that you have your very own candle air freshener to haul around with you, people will quit pinching their noses and running for the hills. Hopefully. You still have to occasionally bathe, you know.

Air Fresheners: 14 different candle air fresheners with unique scents. Air freshener size: 3 1/2″ W × 3″ H; package size: 5 1/2″ W × 6 1/2″ H. Double-sided, full-color. Sold in packs of 4.

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✓ Dog people suck

New ! air fresheners

✓ Lint rollers in the car an air freshener for cat people

✓ My cat has an Instagram

warm milk scent

cat people ca n dl e

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air

freshener

calm the f down RAIN STICK SCENT

cat people WARM MILK SCENT

CAL-F

CAT-F

teachers POISONED APPLE SCENT

trophy husband TRICKED-OUT PORSCHE SCENT

zero fucks CREAMSICLE SCENT

TEA-F

TRO-F

ZER-F

classy af DRY SHAMPOO SCENT

dog people GRASSY DOG PARK SCENT

it's fine PLAIN TAP WATER SCENT

CLA-F

DOG-F

ITS-F

middle child CRAZY GRAPE SCENT

namaste CALMING LAVENDER SCENT

okay moms SIPPY CUP WINE SCENT

MID-F

NAM-F

OKA-F

redheads SPICY CIDER SCENT

shit shows FIREBALL SHOTS SCENT

social anxiety VODKA VITAMIN WATER SCENT

RED-F

SHI-F

SOC-F

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FMK Candles!

New !

who would you rather?

Fuck, Marry, Kill, as described

by Wikipedia (sorry, teachers), is a popular social forced-choice question and answer game that has existed for decades. In the game, one person poses three names, typically either names of people in their personal lives, or names of celebrities. The other person then has to decide which of the three they would have sexual intercourse with, which one they would marry, and which one they would kill. The game has variously been described as “tasteless” and “juvenile”, which is obviously why we chose to create this awesome candle set.

Fuck, Marry, Kill Candles: Soy wax candle. Burn time: 40 hours. Jar size: 2 ¾″ D × 3 ½″ H. Sold individually in 4-packs.

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Rules say you have to choose.

Fragrance notes of sandalwood, opium, and resin

Fragrance notes of resin, orange blossom, and rose

Fragrance notes of grapefruit, kumquat, and tropical flowers

Back labels:

fuck

marry

kill

SECRET TRYST

WEDDING BOUQUET

PURE POISON

FMK-1

FMK-2

FMK-3

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You are getting

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verrrry sleepy

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New !

half-pints of

Magic

Ever wish you could simply light a magic candle and make all your dreams come true? Well, you still can’t. Sorry, kid. (Bet you still believe in the Tooth Fairy, too.) But hey, it never hurts to try, does it? Trust me, I’ve been burning the Success candle for a week now. Idk, I’m feeling kinda lucky!

happiness CAUTIOUSLY CONTENT MC-HAP

sex appeal SUDDENLY SEXY MC-SEX

karma NEARLY NIRVANIC MC-KAR

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Notes of basil, lime, and grapefruit

Notes of oak, rose, and leather

Notes of jasmine, cinnamon, and pink peppercorn

Magic Half-Pints: Soy wax candle.

Burn time: 40 hours. Half-pint can size: 2 ¾″ D × 3″ H. Net weight: 8 ounces. Sold in 4-packs.

success TOTALLY THRIVING MC-SUC

stardom FINALLY FAMOUS MC-STA

zen SERIOUSLY SERENE MC-ZEN

Notes of lime, sage, and peppermint

Notes of lavender, ocean breeze, and vanilla

Notes of patchouli, warm wood, and orange

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New !

Emergency

Ambiance Hey, know what this situation is severely lacking? That’s right. AMBIANCE. And boy have we got the perfect travel candle tins to give any emergency a little more aura!

Emergency Ambiance Travel Tins: 100% soy wax scented with fragrance oils.

Burn time: 4 one-hour emergency burns. Comes with “Emergency Ambiance” pack of matches under lid. Stainless steel tin size: 3 ⅛″ D × 1 ⅛″ H. 20 different 3-ounce candle styles sold in 4-packs.

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New Travel Tins

forgot to pay the electric

FUCK work

out of vodka

FOR-T

FUC-T

OUT-T

rude people

shit's fucked

sunday scaries

RUD-T

SHI-T

SUN-T

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bring your own ambiance.

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bad vibes

BECAUSE CHILDREN

EDIBLES KICKED IN

BAD-T

BEC-T

EDI-T

EVIL PRESENCE DETECTED

FUCK ALL Y'ALL

FUCK THIS MEETING

EVI-T

YAL-T

MEE-T

I MISS MY DOG

MERCURY IN RETROGRADE

NOT ENOUGH CATS

DOG-T

MER-T

CAT-T

OTHER PEOPLE

PARTY FOR ONE

PLEASE STOP TALKING

OTH-T

PAR-T

PLE-T

SOMEONE COUGHED

THIS PLAYLIST SUCKS

COU-T

PLA-T

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New !

vintage postcard

Puzzles

Wanna get your puzzle on? We’ve been hooked on these timewasters for months now. And when winter hits? You can burn them for warmth.

Puzzles: 1,000+ piece puzzles bagged and packed in sturdy, colorful boxes. Box size: 8″ × 10″. Puzzle size: 19 ½″ × 26 ⅞″.

6 different puzzle styles sold in 2-packs.

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no fucks falls

shit show valley

NOF-Z

SHI-Z

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BAD DECISION BLUFFS BAD-Z

FOMO MOUNTAIN FOM-Z

HOT MESS DESERT HOT-Z

THE ISLE OF SELF PITY SEL-Z

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Vintage Style New Notes of blackberry, amber, and sweet tobacco

flying fuck MIDNIGHT MAYDAY PAI-5

paint can candles Introducing the candles you didn’t know you needed... until right this second! Our new soy candles in vibrant vintage-style cans are tinted to look like you’ve just opened a fresh can of paint.

Paint Can Candles: 12-ounce soy wax candles hand-poured into paint cans designed with vintage-style labels. Candle can size: 3 ¼″ D × 3 ⅞″ H. Burn time: 40 hours.

9 different paint can candle styles sold in 3-packs.

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let that shit go SWEET RELEASE PAI-6

unfuck yourself MORNING DO-OVER PAI-7

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Notes of cucumber, mint, and vanilla

whoop ass SUCKER PUNCH PAI-8

Notes of lemon and coconut

New !

Notes of coffee and sweet pastries

f bombs BOMB POP PAI-9

Notes of cherry and lime

AW HELL NO

GOOD SHIT

FIG, LEATHER, & TOBACCO FRAGRANCE

TRUFFLE BUTTER FRAGRANCE

PAI-2

PAI-3

FUCK IT

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

BERGAMOT, TOBACCO, & YUZU FRAGRANCE

SMOKED VANILLA & TEAKWOOD FRAGRANCE

PAI-1

PAI-4

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Colored Pencils

Who doesn’t love colored pencils?

Turn that gray world Technicolor with our new Shit Show Colored Pencil Set. Colored Pencils: 8 brightly colored pre-sharpened pencils packed into a sturdy slide-out box.

Box size: 7 ⅝″ H × 2 ⅝″ W × 1″ L. Sold in 4-packs.

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SHIT SHOW PENCILS SHI-P

New !

Pencils

Some say that the pencil was inspired by the humble writing twigs used in ancient Mesopotamia, while some insist the first pencils originated high in the mountains of Tibet; others still postulate that the pencil always existed, it simply needed to be discovered. Here at Whiskey River Soap, we don’t really concern ourselves with all that history mumbo-jumbo, we’re too busy thinking up comedic quips for our made in USA pencil sets.

Pencil Sets: 8-pack of standard No. 2 pencils made in the USA. Box size: 7 ½″ H × 2 ½″ W × ⅜″ L. Sold in 4-packs.

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New !

New !

New !

New !

Pencils for cool dads

Pencils for the days of the week

Pencils for happy hour

Pencils for lefties

SO FUNNY, I FORGOT TO LAUGH Where in the heck are you and the other dads getting these so-called “jokes” from anyway, Corny Dads Quarterly? I mean, come on now… Does every conversation need a fart reference? Are you all a hive mind? I’m kidding, Dad. I totally respect the dad comedy. You’ve always said that money doesn’t grow on trees, but maybe dad jokes do!

WOW, WHAT A CONCEPT. No longer do you have an excuse not to use a fresh pencil each and every day!

Plus, we’ve even included (at no extra cost) a handy Blursday pencil for those days when you can’t be bothered to figure out what day it actually is. And honestly, if you’re buying these pencils, that’s probably gonna be pretty often.

POUR ME ANOTHER, PLEASE. Ahhh, it’s finally that magical time of the day again: when you can put all your office woes aside and c rack open a cold one. Or twelve. Here’s to another chance to find the answers to life’s questions at the bottom of a bottle. So what if it’s only 10 AM, who says happy hour has to start at five, anyway? Just don’t tell Brent from HR, okay?

YOU’RE WEIRD...

No, but seriously. Can you just suck it up and start using your right hand like everyone else in the developed world?

You’re making us look bad with all your creativity and success. It’s like you’re part of a secret club we can never join. And frankly, the rest of us have the right to feel left out.

See what I did there? That’s the best thing a right-hander can come up with. We need you weirdos.

DAD-P

DAY-P

HAP-P

LEF-P

New !

New !

Pencils with low self-esteem

Pencils for a midlife crisis

Pencils for GRAMMAR POLICE

Pencils for first world problems

CHEER UP, SILLY PENCIL! Life’s not so bad. There are still plenty of us out there who like you: elementary school kids, golfers, artists, and uhhh… did I say schoolchildren already? But hey, things could be worse. I mean, who wants to be a crayon, right? So hold your head high, humble pencil.

You’ll always have a place in our hearts and at our desks… at least until we toss you out.

WHO SAYS EXISTENTIAL DREAD CAN’T BE FUN? Congratulations, you’ve made it to middle age! All those years of being “financially responsible” means you can finally buy a motorcycle and the bitchin’ leather jacket to match. Or maybe a year-long silent meditation retreat is more your speed. Either way, you’ve earned it, after all. At least that’s what you’re going to tell yourself on the way to surf camp.

YOUR ANNOYING. Ahahaha. It’s so easy to get under your skin. Just wanted to shoot a quick message to let you know how impressed we all are that you finally figured out the difference between your and you’re.

Welcome to the grammar club, smarty pants. But as a club member, you now have to quit whining about other people’s grammatical errors. Trust me on this point, you’re still making some.

AWWWWW...

I hear you’re having a bad day.

First of all, your wifi sucks, so Shameless is totally lagging.

Plus, it’s 95 outside but you’re shivering under a blanket because the AC is SO freezing, and now your gluten-free muffin was the BEST glutenfree muffin you’ve ever had until you realized they gave you the one with almonds.

And we both know you said NO NUTS.

LOW-P

MIC-P

GRA-P

FIR-P

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Pencils for the passive aggressive I’M FINE. I mean, if you want, I can write an essay detailing the extent to which I’m fine. I’ll even laminate the cover if you need me to do that, too. I don’t mind at all. If that’s what you need to prove that I’m fine, I’ll do it. Heck, I might even make it a book, find a publisher and go on Ellen to promote the release, proving how fine I am.

I mean if that’s what you need.

I’ll do it.

PAS-P

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Pencils for teachers

Pencils for the middle child

Pencils for truth

IT’S A SNOW DAY SOMEWHERE....

But not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people’s children AND their classroom shenanigans.

And it’s not that you don’t love teaching. It’s more that nobody truly appreciates all the garbage you go through just to do your job. Isn’t it time people started thanking YOU for YOUR service?

WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? The only thing worse than being unnoticed is being unnoticed when your hair i s neon purple and you dress like you’re from the Matrix.

Um, hello? Being the first child ain’t all that. The only people who think so are: #1. My older sibling and #2. My dumb parents. All I haven’t even gotten to the part about the (cry)baby of the family. Oy.

I’M A FAKE VEGAN. Hey, wouldn’t it be nice if people just told the truth every once in a while? I mean, nobody wants to hear that Susan thinks your baby is weird looking, but does she have to go on and on about how ADORABLE he is, only to snicker with the entire Human Resources department behind your back? Susan, Susan, Susan. Just wait til you have a baby.

TEA-P

MID-P

TRU-P

Pencils for the office

Pencils for writer's block

Pencils for zero fucks

Pencils for introverts

OH COOL. It’s Monday again. Feels like I just clocked out. Know what I love about Mondays?

Nothing. In fifteen minutes, I’ll be sleeping with my eyes open for an hour-long meeting about employee morale followed by a “surprise” birthday cake and card everyone half-heartedly signs while doing a slow eye-roll.

Which is the same eye-roll I’ll be making when I read it, ’cuz it’s my birthday and even that won’t fix a Monday.

TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A BONE-DRY HACK? So the wordsmith’s well has run dry? Try this pack of Writer’s Block pencils. If these pencils don’t help you churn out regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire, I’ll eat my hat. It’s a fedora, by the way.

Cool vampires wear fedoras now. Put that in your crack pipe and smoke it. Or in your book. Either way, you’re gonna need these pencils ASAP. Even crap won’t write itself.

NO FUCKS. We hear you. You’re so over it you can’t even. This newlyconcocted bad attitude is just what the doctor ordered! Plus, none of us really liked it when you were just a simple, caring, average Joe. So kudos to you! Even though you couldn’t give a F. We know. Fresh out.

PEOPLE SUCK. That’s why you prefer to stay inside with your stuffed animal collection. But sometimes it’s a little hard to admit that in public. So we’ve carefully crafted a few extremely plausible excuses to get you out of all those pesky social obligations. Like happy hour.

Your niece’s school play.

Office parties. Your wedding.

OFF-P

WRI-P

ZER-P

INT-P

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Pencils for procrastinators TWO WEEKS. Go ahead, ask me anything.

Invariably, the answer will be “two weeks.” Wondering when I’ll get my grades up? Two weeks.

Get my grades up and start working out? Two weeks. Get my grades up, start working out, call my dad, visit my Nana in Florida, get married, buy a house, file for divorce, start my own business and run for office? Two weeks, pal. Two. Weeks.

PRO-P

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Pencils for Boomers vs.

Millennials PASS THE POPCORN. With the two largest generations in history at each other’s virtual throats on social media, this is the most epic battle since white or wheat. Who’s more entitled?

Who’s more maligned? And does it even matter? HEY. Of course it does. Ask any one of them. But really. Pass the popcorn. This is some serious entertainment.

BOO-P

Pencils for Nurses

Pencils for okay moms

MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER? You must be completely delusional if you think I’m a waiter, pal. In fact, I could argue that your very existence is at the mercy of my skilled, capable hands right now. So too bad if you don’t like the green Jello. Shut your trap and maybe I’ll come back to check on you. Key word: maybe.

CONGRATULATIONS. You’re the world’s okayest mom! Please don’t take offense! Face it, perfect moms are the absolute worst, what with their spotless car seats, healthy and organic snacks packed neatly in recyclable containers, and quick-draw first aid kits. Okay moms are where it’s at. Okay moms are where you want to live: sippy cup wine, the five-second rule, and naps that overlap into second naps.

NUR-P

OKA-P

Pencils for Cat People

Pencils for Dog People

HERE, KITTY KITTY...

I have a surprise for youuuu…

Darn it, where are you?

Remember that time you told me you wished you could be a little policeman? I’m sure you said that. And I’ve got JUST the costume for that! Come on, kitty, kitty. My Instagram followers are waiting.

IT WAS THE DOG, I SWEAR! Look, I don’t know if you know this about my dog, but he’s verrry gassy. So if you get a whiff of anything remotely off, it was the dog, ok? He’s also responsible for the missing cheesecake in the fridge. I don’t know how he does it!

The scoundrel.

CAT-P

DOG-P

Pencils for gravestone ideas I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK. Absolute genius last words to carve onto your gravestone.

Why bother with father, mother, son, daughter? Beloved pet, bah! Boooring. Really, the only proper way to go out is to get the very last word. That, or leave them wondering for all eternity. Who dis?

GRV-P

Pencils for little white lies OMG, CROSSFIT? YES. I looooove working out. If I could, I would do it 24/7.

It’s just that I have all these obligations and such since I took that sabbatical from work. Oh, yeah, technically they called it “fired” but I was going to take a creative break anyway. And I LOVE my free time! I mean, I don’t really have any, of course, and that’s why I’m not hitting the gym at the moment....

LIT-P

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New !

Second runner-up cover model Max pretends he’s a Velvet Underground fan.

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New ! stick it!

Stickers

PS-A

Hey, check it out! This new iPhone contains “real raisins”! Yeah, we know these stickers are silly. But so are we! And so are the crazy marketing claims that scream at us from every direction, every single day of our lives. Believe me, your Great Aunt Phyllis is going to love finding out that her pudding cups were manufactured by leprechauns.

Stick It! Prank Sticker Pack: Two 30-sticker sheets with header card, size: 5″ × 9 ½″.

Full-color. Sold in 8-packs.

35 35

New !

Matchboxes

Yeah, matches are USEFUL. And we know everyone likes lighting shit on fire occasionally… no? Just me and my student loan paperwork? Oh, ok. Anyway, throw some silly matches in with that candle you’re gifting! Leave it as the tip for your server! We know they will be just as surprised as you once they read what businesses are selling nowadays. Yikes!

NEW Matchboxes in Counter-top Display: Set C: 48-pack of matchboxes Set F1: 36-pack of matchboxes with swear words Matchbooks in Counter-top Display: Set A: 64-pack of 20-strike matchbooks Set B: 64-pack of 20-strike matchbooks Display box size: 6 ½″ L × 6 ½″ W × 2 ½″ H.

36 MATCHBOxes SET f1 MAT-F1

Set F1 6 colorful matchboxes with colorful language. Set comes with 6 of each style.

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Set c Sixteen ridiculously funny matchboxes. Set comes with 3 of each style.

48 MATCHBOxes SET c MAT-C

37 37

Set B Sixteen old school matchbooks. Set comes with 4 of each style.

16 VINTAGE-style matchbooks!

64 MATCHBOOKs SET B MAT-B

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Free

counter-top display

impulse or compulsion?

Does it matter? As long as you’ve got a counter-top covered with little “must-haves,” you’ll be increasing your sales with every ring of the cash register. A great suggestion for any humor or candle lover!

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Set a Sixteen old school matchbooks. Set comes with 4 of each style.

the original matchbooks!

64 MATCHBOOKs SET a MAT-A

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Liquid Hand Soap Each 8-ounce amber glass bottle is filled with all natural and organic liquid castile soap and scented with essential oils that we hope will encourage better hygiene in bathrooms everywhere.

Well, one can dream.

Variety Liquid Soap: Bottle size: 2 ¼″ D × 6 ¼″ H. 17 different 8-ounce styles sold in 4-packs.

Filled with organic, all-natural castile soap. Scented with essential oils.

New !

LEMON & FENNEL

WASH YOUR hands WAS-L

citrus cedarwood

friends FRI-L

41 41

New !

lime & peppermint orange & patchouli dad DAD-L

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mom MOM-L

tangerine lime

rosemary & mint

BETTER PERSONALITY

DIRTY FINGERS

BET-L

DIR-L

lemon basil

pine & lime

peppermint & cedarwood

PRETEND TO BE HAPPY

SNAKE OIL

VIRUS WHO?

HAP-L

SNA-L

WHO-L

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44

spearmint

peppermint

tea tree

DOG SALIVA

WHATEVER

PRETENTIOUS

DOG-L

WHA-L

PRE-L

lime

peppermint

grapefruit

USELESS MEETINGS

HAIRBALL

DRAMATIC

USE-L

HAI-L

DRA-L

orange FAKE NEWS FAK-L

lemon SILENTLY JUDGING SIL-L

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personal space

Rulers

NURSE RULER NUR-R

OFFICE RULER OFF-R

MANNERS RULER MAN-R

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You can hold it right there, pal. I don’t need to smell you to hear what you’re saying. Introducing handy fold-out personal space rulers to help others keep a healthy distance. Respect the personal space!

TEACHER RULER TEA-R

Personal Space Rulers: Box size: 25″ L × 1 ½″ W × 1″ H. Ruler size (folded): 12″ L × 1 ½″ W. Twelve different fold-out ruler styles. Printed on wood with gold metal rivet. Sold in 2-packs.

SOCIAL RULER SOC-R

STONER RULER STO-R

INTROVERT RULER INT-R

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step away, space invaders.

ROOMMATE RULER ROO-R

SCHOOL RULER SCH-R

FAMILY RULER FAM-R

DAD RULER DAD-R

MOM RULER MOM-R

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wtf

Candles

Our 100% soy wax candles aren’t the most polite on the shelf, but as you know, they won’t stay on the shelf for long! Like it or leave it, profanity is frickin’ hot. So we’re introducing these precious and delicious-smelling pastel candles featuring your grandma’s favorite F word!

What the F? Candles : Soy wax candle. Burn time: 40 hours.

Jar size: 2 ¾″ D × 3 ½″ H. Sold in 4-packs.

salty bitches SALTY DOG COCKTAIL (GRAPEFRUIT) FRAGRANCE WT6-C

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fuck this.

fuck that.

AMARETTO SOUR FRAGRANCE

SLOE GIN FIZZ FRAGRANCE

WT1-C

WT7-C

i fucking love you

what the actual fuck?

POMEGRANATE CHAMPAGNE FRAGRANCE

CUCUMBER ALOE DAIQUIRI FRAGRANCE

WT2-C

WT4-C

fuck yeah

oh my fuck

BLUEBERRY BOURBON FIZZ FRAGRANCE

VIRGIN BLUE RASPBERRY JELLO SHOT FRAGRANCE

WT5-C

WT3-C

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Pocket Journals

TOP SELLERS

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TEA-J

CAT-J

DOG-J

PRO-J

GRA-J

NUR-J

perfect size for collecting grievances. free display when filled!

Each pack comes with three different journals banded together. Journals are pocket-sized with rounded corners, blank pages and sturdy, colorful covers. So get your writin’ pencil ready. You’ve got some plagiarizing to do.

Pocket Journals: 3 different 4″ × 5 ½″ journals banded together.

Sold in 4-packs. Free display with Journal Pre-Pack (JP1).

OKA-J

WRI-J

ZER-J

MID-J

GOA-J

INT-J

WIN-J

DRA-J

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Bath Bombs Does life lack that certain effervescence it one possessed? Has the utter flatness of 21st century existence carved a yawning chasm in your soul?

Good news! Now you can fill that empty space with a hilarious bath bomb—well, at least until the fizzing stops.

DETAILS?

Bath Bombs: Handmade bath bombs shrinkwrapped and packaged in kraft brown boxes.

Ingredients on page 109. Net weight: 6 ounces.

Sold in 4-packs.

WHAT KIDS

BIRTHDAY BLUES

WINE STRAIGHT FROM THE BOTTLE FRAGRANCE

SAD BIRTHDAY CAKE FRAGRANCE

back:

D I never get carded anyway

D Forces someone else to watch the children D Pairs well with headphones

back:

D And I’m STILL 21. Pinky swear.

D Will you stop counting already?

D As long as nobody ends up in the hospital again WHA-B

BIR-B

NAMASTE

DAY DRINKING

OM FRAGRANCE (EUCALYPTUS)

TUB SANGRIA FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

D Gratitude for yoga pants

D Pairs well with daytime TV

D Downward dog anyplace, anytime, anywhere

54

D Helps pass the time

D Breathe

D Seamless segue into nighttime drinking

NAM-B

DAY-B

dog people

DOG-B

cat people

GRASSY DOG PARK FRAGRANCE

WARM MILK FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

D Smell like fresh grass

D Your delicious scent will make kitty love you

D Your dog will love it

D Kidding

D And then pee on you

D Cats hate everyone

zero fucks CREAMSICLE FRAGRANCE back:

D Tired

CAT-B

it's only frickin' tuesday GUM-SMACKING CO-WORKER FRAGRANCE back:

D Of

D Wake me up on Thursday

D It

D I’m already four coffees in D Yawn.

ZER-B

FRI-B

teachers

middle child

POISONED APPLE FRAGRANCE

PURPLE HAZE FRAGRANCE (GRAPE)

back:

back:

D Idk, CAN you go to the bathroom?

D Don’t you dare say “Wikipedia”

D Magnifies misery D Your sister’s wedding was beautiful

D I just realized I don't even like children

D Who are you again?

TEA-B

MID-B

55

Phobia Candles

56

chadophobia

duckophobia

fakeophobia

SMIRNOFF ICE FRAGRANCE

RUBBER DUCKY BUBBLE BATH FRAGRANCE

VODKA DIET SODA FRAGRANCE

CHA-V

DUC-V

FAK-V

friendophobia

recapophobia

shopophobia

NEGLECTED CACTUS FRAGRANCE

WATERMELON SHOTS FRAGRANCE

MARASCHINO CHERRIES & Q-TIPS FRAGRANCE

FRI-V

REC-V

SHO-V

Ugh, life is like, SO hard. Luckily for you, we’ve created this new set of soy votives to burn away all those pesky first world phobias!

First World Phobia Candles: Hand-poured soy votives.

Burn time: 20 hours. Box size: 3″ L × 3″ W × 2 ⅞″ H. Sold in 4-packs.

moistophobia MOIST MANGOES FRAGRANCE MOI-V

adultophobia

buzzophobia

guacophobia

APPLE JACKS FRAGRANCE

PEACH MARGARITA FRAGRANCE

FRESH GUACAMOLE FRAGRANCE

ADU-V

BUZ-V

GUA-V

57

Astrology We would like to think the Zodiac is our BFF. No, no, not the Zodiac Killer… we’re talking about astrology here, silly Scoripo. And luckily for you, we’ve got an entire assortment of products for each sign that go together—and there’s something for literally everyone. Bar soap, liquid hand soap, candles, pencil sets, matches, and notebooks! Just, please, do NOT forget about your favorite Taurus’ birthday again. We both know they’ll never let it go.

AST Candles: Our 100% soy wax candles. Each lid has a brightlycolored sticker that matches our Astrology Journals, Soaps, Matchsticks, and Pencil Sets. Burn time: 40 hours. Jar size: 2 ¾″ D × 3 ½″ H. Sold in 4-packs.

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AST Journals: Each spiral-bound journal features a cover in a color specific to its astrological sign, and matches the stickers on the Astrology Candles, Soaps, and Pencil Sets. Size: 7″ L × 5 ¼″ W × ½″ H; 100 lined pages. Sold in 4-packs.

AST Liquid Soap: All-natural and organic castile liquid hand soap scented with organic essential oils.

Bottle size: 2 ¼″ D × 6 ¼″ H. 12 different 8-ounce styles sold in 4-packs.

AST Pencils: 8 custom pencils made specifically for each sign. Each set features a “selfie pencil” with backwards writing to fulfill all your selfie needs… we see you, Leo. Box size: 8 ¼″ H × 3 ⅜″ W × ½″ L. Sold in 4-packs.

AST Safety Matchsticks: Glass bottles containing 50 safety matchsticks with custom colorschemes to match Astrology signs.

Bottle size 1 ¾″ D × 4 ½″ H. 12 different bottles sold in 4-packs.

AST Soap: Each 3 ½″ × 2 ¾″ × 1″ soap has a custom color-scheme and fragrance that matches its corresponding Astrology Candle.

Shrink-wrapped with a clear label.

Sold in 4-packs.

59 59

New !

Capricorn

aquarius

pisces

aries

GLOWING EMBERS

IT’S LIT

CREATIVE SPARK

FIRECRACKER

But still capable of a sick burn.

Let’s party!

I’ll make it happen someday...

We hear you, okay?

CAP-M

60

Each glass bottle has a label on the back with astrology sign traits in matching color scheme.

AQU-M

PIS-M

ARI-M

ASTROLOGY MATCHSTICKS

taurus

gemini

cancer

leo

SCORCHED EARTH

HOT MESS

SMOLDERING FURNACE

BRINGIN’ THE HEAT

Essential for going on the war path.

And damn good at it.

Too hot to handle.

Basically the surface of the sun.

TAU-M

GEM-M

CAR-M

LEO-M

virgo

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

HAIR ON FIRE

OLD FLAME

BURN BOOK

UP IN SMOKE

Remain calm. I repeat, remain calm.

Who I definitely won’t text later...

Don't make me add your name.

And poof! I'm gone in a flash.

VIR-M

LIB-M

SCO-M

SAG-M

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ASTROLOGY LIQUID HAND SOAP

CINNAMON

PATCHOULI

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

D ECEMBER 22 - J ANUA RY 19

J AN UA RY 2 0 - F E B RUA RY 18

F E B RUA RY 19 - M A RC H 20

CAP-L

AQU-L

PIS-L

GRAPEFRUIT

62 62

SPEARMINT

ROSEMARY

TANGERINE

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

MA RCH 21 - APR IL 19

A P R IL 2 0 - M AY 2 0

M AY 21 - J U NE 2 0

ARI-L

TAU-L

GEM-L

AQUARIANs have THE MOST FRIENDS.

wintergreen

lemonade

CAncer

leo

virgo

JUNE 21 - JU LY 22

J U LY 2 3 - A U G U S T 2 2

A U G U S T 2 3 - S E P T E M BER 22

CAR-L

LEO-L

VIR-L

basil

63

lime

eucalyptus

fennel

libra

scorpio

sagittarius

S EPTEMBER 23 - OCT OB E R 22

O C T O B E R 2 3 - N O V E M B E R 21

N O V E M B E R 2 2 - DE C E M BER 21

LIB-L

SCO-L

SAG-L

63

ASTROLOGY SOAP

Capricorn

Pisces

BERGAMOT BOSS

PROGRESSIVE PAPAYA

DRIFTWOOD DREAMER

Smells like the boss of everyone

Smells like a real do-gooder

Smells like some serious delusions

CAP-S

AQU-S

PIS-S

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

AGGRESSIVE AGAVE LIME

CHAMPAGNE CHIC

WHIMSICAL WATERMELON

Smells like you only ride shotgun

Smells like a gold-plated sundae

Smells like a split personality

ARI-S

64

Aquarius

TAU-S

GEM-S

CAPRICORNS ARE THE MOST INTELLIGENT.

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

MOODY MOJITOS

VANILLA VANITY

OVERTHINKING ORANGES

Smells like buried emotions

Smells like it’s all about you

Smells like making a list to make a list

CAR-S

LEO-S

VIR-S

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

FRENCH LAVENDER FLIRT

VINDICTIVE VIOLETS

WANDERING WHITE TEA

Smells like a peacekeeper

Smells like a supervillain

Smells like a disappearing act

LIB-S

SCO-S

SAG-S

65

ASTROLOGY CANDLES

Capricorn

Aquarius

Pisces

BERGAMOT BOSS FRAGRANCE

PROGRESSIVE PAPAYA FRAGRANCE

DRIFTWOOD DREAMER FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D Bossy AF

D Woke AF

D Head in the clouds

D Full-on workaholic

D New-agey

D Impressionable

D Fluent in sarcasm

D Social butterfly

D Consummate napper

“Capricorns are the most intelligent sign.”

“Aquarians have the most friends.”

“Pisceans are the unicorns of the zodiac.”

CAP-C

AQU-C

PIS-C

– a Capricorn

66

– an Aquarius

– a Pisces

Aries

Taurus

Gemini

AGGRESSIVE AGAVE LIME FRAGRANCE

CHAMPAGNE CHIC FRAGRANCE

WHIMSICAL WATERMELON FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D Good at behaving badly

D Excels at “me time”

D Epicurean

D Frequent ER patient

D Personal space invader

D Fickle flirt

D Born winner

D Absolute ruler

D Devious mind

“An Aries never comes in second. Ever.”

“Taureans are the classiest of all the signs.”

– a Taurus

“Geminis have the best sense of humor.”

– an Aries

ARI-C

TAU-C

GEM-C

– a Gemini

GEMINIS HAVE THE BEST SENSE OF HUMOR.

Cancer

Leo

Virgo

MOODY MOJITOS FRAGRANCE

VANILLA VANITY FRAGRANCE

OVERTHINKING ORANGES FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D Professional introvert

D Always right

D Trivia champ

D Secretly clingy

D Charming AF

D Spreadsheet master

D Grudge collector

D Easily flattered

D Impromptu party planner

“Cancers are the most creative sign.”

“Leos are the best looking sign.”

“Virgos have it all figured out.”

CAR-C

LEO-C

VIR-C

– a Cancer

– a Leo

– a Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

FRENCH LAVENDER FLIRT FRAGRANCE

VINDICTIVE VIOLETS FRAGRANCE

WANDERING WHITE TEA FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D People pleaser

D Basic sadist

D Class clown

D Passive-aggressive

D Devours the weak

D Commitment-challenged

D Late fee collector

D Power glare champ

D Escape artist

“Libras make the best friends with benefits.”

“Everyone wants to be a Scorpio.”

“Sagittarians have the nicest bodies.”

LIB-C

SCO-C

SAG-C

– a Libra

– a Scorpio

– a Sagittarius

67

ASTROLOGY PENCILS capricorn

aquarius

D E C E M B E R 22-J AN UA RY 19

J A NUA RY 20 - F EBRUARY 18

EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A CLOUD

UP FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING

MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY

SPIRITUAL GANGSTA

EVERY DAY I’M HUSTLIN’

POTENTIAL LIFE COACH

BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART

AQUARIANS ARE SECRETLY SMARTER

BOSSY AF

68

YOU HAD ME AT REVOLUTION

BECAUSE I READ THE MANUAL

BFF COLLECTOR

MY PAY STUBS ARE LIT

ENIGMATIC BUT ALSO DRUNK

Selfie Pencil (Backwards):

Selfie Pencil (Backwards):

CONTROL FREEEEEAK

WOKE AF

Back:

Back:

You are in avid pursuit of wealth and power, but are more grounded than a world traveler on a no-fly list. People like you because you’re filthy rich. And even though your source of income might be considered “iffy,” there’s nothing sexier than a bit of danger and a wad of cash.

You have a deep understanding of human nature and would excel at writing straight-to-DVD chick flicks. Your desire to save the whole planet keeps you mindful of d oing real work for the people.

That said, you’re mostly valued for your non-stop partying and unstoppable quest to obtain the latest everything.

CAP-P

AQU-P

pisces

aries

FE B RUARY 19 - M A RC H 2 0

M A RC H 21 - APRIL 19

TIME FOR MY SECOND NAP

I COULD’VE EASILY GONE PRO

STRAY ANIMAL COLLECTOR

FIGHT ME

WILDLY UNDERAPPRECIATED

I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT I’M DOING

DRINKS LIKE A FISH

FOR MY NEXT TRICK...

AMAZEBALLS IDEAS PENCIL

NEAR PERFECTION

MY ALONE TIME IS FOR YOUR SAFETY

UNFINISHED PROJECTS PENCIL

WILL ACCEPT FLATTERY

WROTE THE 1ST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB

Selfie Pencil (Backwards):

Selfie Pencil (Backwards):

TOTAL DREAMER

100%

Back:

Back:

You have a large capacity for helping those in distress. You are sympathetic to the world’s unfortunate, including every stray animal and helpless soul you meet.

People like you because o f your unbridled optimism. Might want to keep that in check, though.

Collecting parking tickets shouldn’t fondly be referred to as a “hobby.”

You are a natural competitor with very little patience for whiners.

You’re a doer, not a dreamer and are not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments. People like you because you look hot in shorts.

This is the year to take your shower singing act on the road.

PIS-P

ARI-P

CANCERS ARE THE MOST CREATIVE SIGN. taurus

GEMINI

APR I L 20 - M AY 2 0

M AY 21 - JU NE 20

INFLEXIBLE BECAUSE I’M RIGHT

VODKA IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL

WHO WERE YOU JUST TEXTING?

I MADE MEMES BEFORE IT WAS COOL

I NEED MORE MIDDLE FINGERS I HEARD THERE WOULD BE CAKE JUST CALL ME DICTATOR FOR SHORT TREAT YO’SELF IS ON MY FAMILY CREST CHAMPAGNE GOES WITH EVERYTHING Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CLASSY AF Back: You are extremely reliable and protective of loved ones. Both loyal and committed, you have a stick-to-itive-ness that others admire and you ensure there’s never a single drop left in the bottle of Dom Perignon. People like you because you appreciate the finer things in life and can party hard without a single hair out of place.

TAU-P

I DON’T WANT TO GOSSIP, BUT...

WAIT TIL YOU MEET MY OTHER PERSONALITY I DON’T CARE WHAT I SAID 10 MINS AGO GEMINIS ARE LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES I’M NOT SUPERFICIAL, JUST REALLY INTO LOOKS Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WORLD CLASS FLIRT Back: You are a natural flirt and tend to seek out mentors in the form of wise-ish (and sexy) bartenders. In terms of introvert and extrovert, you tend to swing both ways, depending on the day… or cocktail.

And even though you’ve been called “out there” on more than one occasion, people like you because you’re t he good kind of crazy.

GEM-P

cancer

leo

JUN E 21 - JULY 2 2

J U LY 2 3 - AU G U S T 22

CANCERS HAVE ALL THE FEELS

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO!

PROFESSIONAL INTROVERT

BUT LET’S GET BACK TO ME

I’M FINE!

DID SOMEONE SAY JELLO SHOTS?

NO OFFENSE, I JUST DON’T LIKE PEOPLE

LEOS HAVE THE MOST STALKERS

I’M STABBING YOU IN MY MIND

EVEN YOUR MOM LOVES ME

BECAUSE I ONLY NEED ONE FRIEND

SPOON-FEED ME COMPLIMENTS

I’M JUST GONNA STAY HOME TONIGHT Selfie Pencil (Backwards): GHOSTING MASTER Back: You’re no stranger to thumbsucking, but you’re not a total pushover, either. It’s just that you have all those FEELINGS and it sometimes makes you need hugs more than most. People like you as much for your creativity as they do for your desire to day drink under an afghan and watch Snapped marathons with your bestie.

CAR-P

MY AURA SHOOTS RAINBOWS & GLITTER Selfie Pencil (Backwards): HELLO GORGEOUS Back: You are extremely charismatic and irresistible to most everyone you meet. You are generally the only person in the room who counts—and you know it. It’s not your fault you were born for such greatness. People like you almost as much as you like you.

LEO-P

69

ASTROLOGY PENCILS virgo

libra

AUGUS T 23 - SE PTE M B E R 2 2

S E P T E M B E R 23 - O CT O BER 22

I COUGHED NOW I’M DEAD

THANKS FOR NOTHING

LIST-MAKING PENCIL

I’M SORRY I SAY SORRY ALL THE TIME

LET ME OVERTHINK THAT THAT TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF ME I EXCEL IN RANDOM WORST-CASE SCENARIOS SCHEDULING AN IMPROMPTU PARTY! VIRGOS FOLD TOWELS PERFECTLY Selfie Pencil (Backwards): NOBODY’S PERFECT (EXCEPT VIRGOS)

I’M DATING SOMEONE BUT WE CAN TEXT IT’S NO PROBLEM!!!!

EASILY DISTRACTED...

WHY CAN’T WE ALL GET ALONG? PRETTY PETTY, BUT STILL PRETTY Selfie Pencil (Backwards): ADORABLE AF

Back:

Back:

You are cautious and careful when sober, and tend to only let loose during pre-planned events. You have a firm grasp on the number of drinks both you and anyone else has ever had, and prefer to be in charge of the designated driver list. People like you because you look like a sexy professor and always have all the answers.

You’re a lover of art and all things beautiful and intellectual. That’s why you always date hotties with graduate degrees. Not one to enjoy alone time, you are at your best when in a solid relationship, or at least a decent one-night stand.

People like you because you tend to agree with everything.

VIR-P

LIB-P

scorpio

sagittarius

OC T OB E R 23 - N OVE M B E R 21

N O V E M B E R 22 - DECEM BER 21

CHECKMATE.

I EXIST, THEREFORE TACOS

WHO ARE YOU AGAIN?

VOTED MOST LIKELY TO LIVE IN A TENT

REVENGE IS BEST SERVED CONSTANTLY TWIRLING MY INVISIBLE MOUSTACHE EVIL MASTERMIND BEST FRENEMIES FOREVER PROFESSIONAL STALKER

LOL WHY R U SO SERIOUS? I NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE I DON’T DO FAKE RANDOM THOUGHTS SQUAD Selfie Pencil (Backwards): MENTALLY SINGLE

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): FIERCE AF Back: You are passionate and fierce and do not suffer fools gladly.

You have the ambiance and appeal of a leather-clad supervillain and tend to keep your own entourage in tow. People like you because you always have the best ideas for revenge.

SCO-P

70

Back: You are wild and free and enjoy traveling to the far ends of the earth with your band of merry mischief makers. Not one for long-term goals or commitments, you tend to disappear in the middle of the night for spur-of-the-moment road trips.

People like you because you always have the good party favors.

SAG-P

Light your candle

with NEW! whiskey river soap matchBOXes Swamp Thing Matchbox page 37

71

ASTROLOGY JOURNALS “I’m doing pretty good as far as geniuses go.”

– Kanye West, Gemini

The inside cover of each Astrology Journals cover has even more info including traits, description, colors, numbers, love matches, famous birthdays, and quotes.

capricorn

CAP-J

DECEMBER 22 JANUARY 19

aries MARCH 21 APRIL 19

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aquarius

AQU-J

JANUARY 20 FEBRUARY 18

ARI-J

taurus APRIL 20 MAY 20

pisces

PIS-J

FEBRUARY 19 MARCH 20

TAU-J

gemini MAY 21 JUNE 20

GEM-J

CANCER JUNE 21 - JULY 22 CAR-J

“I’m crazy and I don’t pretend to be anything else.”

– Rihanna, Pisces

leo

LEO-J

JULY 23 AUGUST 22

virgo

VIR-J

AUGUST 23 SEPTEMBER 22

sagittarius libra SEPTEMBER 23 OCTOBER 22

LIB-J

scorpio OCTOBER 23 NOVEMBER 21

NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21 SCO-J

SAG-J

73

New

Soap

Original Soap Handmade vegan soaps designed by our in-house soap artisans with fragrance blends to match each concept. Shrink-wrapped with a kraft brown label.

Soap dimensions: 3 ½″ L × 2 ¾″ W × 1″ H. Sold in 4-packs.

74

and

Candles You know how people say that two things “go together like soap and candles,” right?

Well they’re talking about our soap and candles. Many say it’s one of the greatest love stories of all time… and it started right here at Whiskey River Soap Co.

Duo Candles Always hand-poured and made with our exclusive blend of 100% soy wax and 0% bullshit. Fragrance blends match each concept and corresponding soap.

Glass vessel dimensions: 4″ D × 2 ½″ H. Burn time: 60 hours. Sold in 3-packs.

75

New

BLURSDAY BURNT TOAST FRAGRANCE back:

D Same shit D Different day D FML

SOAP: BLU-S

76

CANDLE: BLU-C

QUARANTINE NOSTALGIA ROSEMARY FLATBREAD FRAGRANCE back:

D Wake up D Eat D Repeat

SOAP: QUA-S

CANDLE: QUA-C

77

New

78

PERSONAL SPACE REESES CUP FRAGRANCE back:

D Back off D Seriously D Touch my monitor and die

SOAP: PES-S

CANDLE: PES-C

OFFICE NAPS COVID CANDY BOWL FRAGRANCE back:

D I just closed my eyes for a sec!

D I’m doing “market research” D Yes, with sunglasses on!

SOAP: OFN-S

CANDLE: OFN-C

79 79

INDOOR PEOPLE BUBBLE BATH BUDS FRAGRANCE back:

D Hot showers D Ice-cold AC D Netflix & chill SOAP: IND-S

CANDLE: IND-C

OUTDOOR PEOPLE SUMMER CAMP FRAGRANCE back:

D Enhances sunsets D Improves the taste of granola D Pairs well with bug spray

SOAP: OUT-S

80

CANDLE: OUT-C

New

THE COOL AUNT JUICY GOSSIP FRAGRANCE back:

D Your mom wasn’t always lame D Here’s 20 bucks D Wanna sip?

SOAP: AUN-S

CANDLE: AUN-C

THE FUN UNCLE BLACK ICE FRAGRANCE back:

D Illegal fireworks D Red Bull D Don’t tell your parents

SOAP: UNC-S

CANDLE: UNC-C

81

CAFFEINE ADDICTS COFFEE SHOP FRAGRANCE back:

D Good source of the jitters D Absorbs nighttime rest D Cheaper than coke

SOAP: ADD-S

CANDLE: ADD-C

NEAT FREAKS DESIGNER DETERGENT FRAGRANCE back:

D Alphabetized cereal D Color-coded closet D Coaster, please!

SOAP: NEA-S

82

CANDLE: NEA-C

New

83

Day Drinking MOJITOS FRAGRANCE back:

D Pairs well with daytime TV D Helps pass the time

top sellers

D Seamless segue into nighttime drinking

SOAP DAY-S

CANDLE DAY-C

Need we say more?

Seriously, these soap and candle styles are sure to clean house and then burn it down.

(In a good way.)

Social Anxiety VODKA VITAMIN WATER FRAGRANCE back:

D I have Ebola D My hamster ran away D I just found out I’m a hologram

CANDLE SOC-C

SOAP SOC-S

Dog People GRASSY DOG PARK FRAGRANCE back:

D Drawer of embarrassing costumes D Wet chew toys everywhere D Cat people are freaks

SOAP DOG-S

84

CANDLE DOG-C

Cat People WARM MILK FRAGRANCE back:

D My cat has an Instagram D Lint rollers in the car D Dog people suck

SOAP CAT-S

CANDLE CAT-C

Teachers POISONED APPLE FRAGRANCE back:

Fucking Meetings

D IDK, CAN you go to the bathroom?

BOURBON IN MY COFFEE FRAGRANCE

D Don’t you dare say “Wikipedia” D I just realized I don’t even like kids

back:

D Per. D My. D Last email.

CANDLE TEA-C

SOAP TEA-S

Shit Shows FIREBALL SHOTS FRAGRANCE back:

D I did what?

D So THAT’S how I got that bruise D It was fun, though, right?

SOAP FME-S

CANDLE FME-C

SOAP SHI-S

CANDLE SHI-C

85

Stoners CANNABIS FRAGRANCE back:

D Gateway soap D Antagonizes DEA

Alaska

D Approved for medicinal purposes

SOAP AKS-S

CANDLE AKS-C

SOAP STO-S

CANDLE STO-C

ARIZONA SOAP AZS-S

CANDLE AZS-C

Colorado is the standard UPC CODES FOR OTHER OPTIONS SHOWN BELOW AND AT RIGHT:

CANADA

Illinois

MASSACHUSETTS

SOAP CST-S

SOAP CAS-S

SOAP ILL-S

SOAP MAS-S

CANDLE CST-C

CANDLE CAS-C

CANDLE ILL-C

CANDLE MAS-C

MAINE

MICHIGAN

MONTANA

NEW JERSEY

SOAP MES-S

SOAP MIS-S

SOAP MTS-S

SOAP NJS-S

CANDLE MES-C

CANDLE MIS-C

CANDLE MTS-C

CANDLE NJS-C

NEW MEXICO

NEW YORK

NEVADA

OREGON

SOAP NMS-S

SOAP NYS-S

SOAP NES-S

SOAP OST-S

CANDLE NMS-C

CANDLE NYS-C

CANDLE NES-C

CANDLE OST-C

SOUTH DAKOTA

VERMONT

WASHINGTON

WASHINGTON, D.C.

SOAP SDS-S

SOAP VTS-S

SOAP WST-S

SOAP DCS-S

CANDLE SDS-C

CANDLE VTS-C

CANDLE WST-C

CANDLE DCS-C

CALIFORNIA

86

Birthday Blues

Zero Fucks

Grammar Police

SAD BIRTHDAY CAKE FRAGRANCE

ORANGE CREAMSICLE FRAGRANCE

JELLY DOUGHNUT FRAGRANCE

back:

back:

back:

D I never get carded anymore

D Tired

D Your/you’re

D And I’m STILL 21. Pinky swear.

D Of

D Their/there/they’re

D Will you stop counting already?

D It

D Things I’ve just learned since Facebook

SOAP BIR-S

SOAP ZER-S

SOAP GRA-S

CANDLE BIR-C

CANDLE ZER-C

CANDLE GRA-C

It’s Only Frickin’ Tuesday GUM SMACKING CO-WORKER (SPEARMINT) FRAGRANCE back:

D Wake me up on Thursday D I’m already four coffees in D Yawn.

SOAP FRI-S

CANDLE FRI-C

87

top sellers

Besties GRAPE HARD SELTZER FRAGRANCE back:

D No one else gets us D Who cares D Support your local girl gang

SOAP BES-S

CANDLE BES-C

It’s Fine PLAIN TAP WATER FRAGRANCE back:

D Whatever D I’m not mad D It’s fine

calm the f down RAIN STICK (OCEAN) FRAGRANCE back:

D Live D Laugh D Haha, fuck that

CANDLE ITF-C

SOAP ITF-S

WORKING FROM Home WHISKEY WITH A SPLASH OF COFFEE FRAGRANCE back:

D Pants-free devices

SOAP CAL-S

D Panic-based overcompensation D Usually buzzed

CANDLE CAL-C

SOAP WOR-S

88

CANDLE WOR-C

The Middle Child PURPLE HAZE (GRAPE) FRAGRANCE back:

D Magnifies misery D Your sister’s wedding was just beautiful D Who are you again?

TOP 10 CANDLES Fucking Meetings WORKING FROM HOME DOG PEOPLE BESTIES

SOAP MID-S

CANDLE MID-C

IT’S ONLY FRICKIN’ TUESDAY CAT PEOPLE CALM THE F DOWN

karens

ZERO FUCKS

SPIKY HAIR STYLING MOUSSE FRAGRANCE

DAY DRINKING

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D Stable genius

KARENS

D Blacklisted from Trader Joe’s D Facebook fanatic

TOP 10 soaps CANDLE KRN-C

SOAP KRN-S

Dog People Cat People BESTIES

Okay Moms SIPPY CUP WINE FRAGRANCE back:

D Pairs well with nap time D Is also tired of perfect moms D Your kids love you anyway

ZERO FUCKS CALM THE F DOWN THE MIDDLE CHILD OKAY MOMS WORKING FROM HOME KARENS BIRTHDAY BLUES

SOAP OKA-S

CANDLE OKA-C

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original soap and candles

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A New HomE TRENDY TERRARIUM FRAGRANCE back:

D A fresh start!

D A clean slate!

D It’ll be a mess in no time

SOAP ANE-S

CANDLE ANE-C

Awkward Moments SKETCHY OINTMENT FRAGRANCE back:

D Fly unzipped D Unwanted eye contact D Wrong person

CANDLE AWK-C

SOAP AWK-S

baking wizards FRESH ARTISAN BREAD FRAGRANCE back:

D It’s just science D Bake sale badass D Don't touch my starter!

SOAP BAK-S

CANDLE BAK-C

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Beer Whisperers OATMEAL STOUT FRAGRANCE back:

D The proof is in the beer belly D Some of us just want a buzz D Uh-oh: Craft weed is trending

SOAP BEE-S

CANDLE BEE-C

Being Awesome ONE SURFING LESSON (OCEAN SCENT) FRAGRANCE back:

D Dude.

D Fist bump!

D Awesomesauce.

CANDLE BEI-C

SOAP BEI-S

Emergency Ambiance Travel Tins page 17

Book Club WINE AND PAPERBACKS FRAGRANCE back:

D Pairs well with gossip D And wine D And more wine

CANDLE BOO-C

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SOAP BOO-S

Classy AF

Dad Bods

Dad Jokes

BLACK CURRANT FRAGRANCE

TOASTED MARSHMALLOW FRAGRANCE

CORNIEST CORN BREAD FRAGRANCE

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D Champagne in a Solo cup

D Pairs well with couch time

D Hey Dad, make me a sandwich

D Heels at the gym D Mani-pedi before sentencing

SOAP CLA-S

CANDLE CLA-C

D Poof! You’re a sandwich

D Builds unwavering confidence D Bring me another beer

D #sloweyerolls

SOAP DAD-S

SOAP DAJ-S

CANDLE DAD-C

CANDLE DAJ-C

Drinking Buddies MOJITOS FRAGRANCE back:

D Fancy meeting you here D Just like yesterday D Barkeep!

SOAP DRI-S

CANDLE DRI-C

Matchbooks page 38

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Take me back…

A Candle for Quarantine Nostalgia page 77

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Fake News

The First Child

First World Problems

ORANGE KOOL-AID FRAGRANCE

BRAND-NEW EVERYTHING (WINTERGREEN) FRAGRANCE

I SAID NO ALMONDS (ALMOND SCENT) FRAGRANCE

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D You’re fake news

D Reduces parental pressure

D Hot Pocket is still frozen

D No, you are

D Keeps younger siblings out of your stuff

D My AC is FREEZING

D Takes one to know one, poser news

D Is practically perfect, too

D Ripped jeans now too ripped

SOAP FAK-S

SOAP FIC-S

SOAP FIR-S

CANDLE FAK-C

CANDLE FIC-C

CANDLE FIR-C

Friday Feels LUNCHTIME COCKTAILS FRAGRANCE back:

D Enhances good vibes D Staves off Mondays D Is it 5 yet?

SOAP FFE-S

CANDLE FFE-C

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Gen X

Gen Z

Gettin’ Lit

FRESHLY LAUNDERED FLANNEL FRAGRANCE

NEVERENDING SLUSHIE (BLUE RASPBERRY) FRAGRANCE

UMBRELLA DRINKS (TROPICAL SCENT) FRAGRANCE

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D Promotes slacking

D Gaming is life

D Who cares if it’s only Tuesday

D Looks good in a flannel

D This soap is so cringe

D It’ll break up the week

D Pairs well with Nirvana

D JK, I low-key love soap

D Let’s do this

SOAP GEX-S

SOAP GEZ-S

SOAP GET-S

CANDLE GEX-C

CANDLE GEZ-C

CANDLE GET-C

#Goals

Hangovers

Happy Campers

UNICORN FARTS (RAINBOW SHERBET) FRAGRANCE

BLOODY MARY FRAGRANCE

NUKED S’MORES FRAGRANCE

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D Wrinkle-free everything

D Why do I do this to myself?

D Increases instances of squatting in the woods

D Last night was fun, lol

D Who needs plumbing?

D What’s on tap for tonight?

D Bugs are people, too

SOAP HAN-S

SOAP HAP-S

CANDLE HAN-C

CANDLE HAP-C

D Calorie-free pizza D Ex in a man romper

SOAP GOA-S

CANDLE GOA-C

Pencils with Low Self-Esteem page 29

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Astrology Matches page 60

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Hot Messes

Introverts

Karma

CHEAP LIP GLOSS FRAGRANCE

UNSCENTED

LAUGHING BUDDHA (SANDALWOOD) FRAGRANCE

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D Encourages late nights

D Great solo activity

D Ha.

D Enhances walks of shame

D Respects your space

D Ha.

D Knows the best happy hours

D Won’t ask you to an event

D Ha.

SOAP HOT-S

SOAP INT-S

SOAP KAR-S

CANDLE HOT-C

CANDLE INT-C

CANDLE KAR-C

Last Night

Lefties

A Man’s Man

TOO MUCH CHAMPAGNE FRAGRANCE

PRESCHOOL PASTE JAR (MINT) FRAGRANCE

BLIZZARD CAMPFIRE FRAGRANCE

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D Eliminates morning sun

D The old gross baseball glove

D Good for bear wrasslin’

D Washes away drunk texts

D Backwards coffee mugs

D Doesn’t talk much either

D Increases invisibility

D Dinnertime elbow wars

D Will drink you under the hand-hewn table

SOAP LAS-S

SOAP LEF-S

SOAP MAN-S

CANDLE LAS-C

CANDLE LEF-C

CANDLE MAN-C

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Midlife Crisis KUMQUAT TREE FRAGRANCE back:

D Won’t fade new tattoos D Mild on recent piercings D Likes 22-year-olds, too

CANDLE MIC-C

SOAP MIC-S

Millennials GREEN NEW DEAL SCENT FRAGRANCE back:

D Pairs well with avocado toast D And student loans D OK boomer.

SOAP MIL-S

CANDLE MIL-C

Morning People SUGAR CEREAL COMA FRAGRANCE back:

D What alarm?

D Stop talking so loud D I can cut you

Half-Pint of Magic candles page 12

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CANDLE MOR-C

SOAP MOR-S

MYSTERY BRUNETTE CHAMBORD & 7UP FRAGRANCE back:

D Enhances sense of mystery D Encourages speculation D Your hair is full of secrets

SOAP MYS-S

CANDLE MYS-C

Namaste OM SCENT (LAVENDER & EUCALYPTUS) FRAGRANCE back:

D Gratitude for yoga pants D Downward dog anyplace, anywhere, anytime D Breathe.

CANDLE NAM-C

SOAP NAM-S

Napping MTN. DEW SUGAR CRASH FRAGRANCE back:

D Midmorning nap D After-lunch nap D After-nap nap

SOAP NAP-S

CANDLE NAP-C

Liquid Soap page 41

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The Only Child CANDY APPLE OF MY EYE FRAGRANCE back:

D Sharing? Never heard of it D What are “other people”?

D My parents are my besties

SOAP ONC-S

CANDLE ONC-C

Soap for Office Naps page 70

parent teachers 2019 NOSTALGIA (SPRING GREEN) FRAGRANCE back:

D The quadratic WHAT? D Can’t YouTube show you?

D Field trip!

CANDLE PAR-C

SOAP PAR-S

Queens JUST BITE ME (CHERRY CANDY) FRAGRANCE back:

D Talk to the hand.

D I’m. Going. Out. And don’t even think of following me.

D (Text me later, boo)

SOAP QUE-S

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CANDLE QUE-C

real blondEs BARBIE PINK BUBBLEGUM FRAGRANCE back:

D Go ahead D Call me dumb again D I will eat you for lunch

SOAP BLO-S

CANDLE BLO-C

Redheads SPICY CIDER FRAGRANCE back:

D Yes, it’s real D I’m wearing red anyway D Can we NOT talk about my hair?

CANDLE RED-C

SOAP RED-S

Salty Servers STRAWBERRY MILKSHAKE FRAGRANCE

Shit’s Fucked candle page 17

back:

D Washes away bad tippers D Rinses off dietary restrictions D Separates the check for you

SOAP SAL-S

CANDLE SAL-C

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Single Ladies

Slightly Unhinged

Small Towns

LEMONADE FRAGRANCE

JELLO SHOTS FRAGRANCE

ROOT BEER FLOAT FRAGRANCE

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D Do whatever the F you want

D 20% scary

D OMG, high school sports!

D No in-laws

D Always exciting

D We’re getting a Chipotle???

D Should’ve put a ring on it…

D 35% scarier after cocktails

D Complain all you want, but you’ll miss it when you leave

SOAP SIN-S

SOAP SLI-S

SOAP SMA-S

CANDLE SIN-C

CANDLE SLI-C

CANDLE SMA-C

Sunday Funday

Matchbooks

MIMOSAS FRAGRANCE

page 38

back:

D Booze-soaked appetizers D Booze-soaked future plans D Booze-soaked Uber ride home

SOAP SUN-S

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CANDLE SUN-C

thirsty thursday DIRTY MARTINI FRAGRANCE back:

D Gin, not vodka D Vodka, not gin D Eh, just make it double & dirty

SOAP THI-S

CANDLE THI-C

tomorrow, okay?* DISTRACTING LAVA LAMP (FRUITY) FRAGRANCE back:

D It’s fine D I do this all the time D I'll get it done, soon-ish!

CANDLE TOM-C

SOAP TOM-S

*Soap styles come in 4 different colors, candle styles come in 3 diffrent colors.

The Trophy Husband TRICKED-OUT PORSCHE FRAGRANCE back:

D Looks good on your arm D Looks good in anything… or nothing D Jealous much?

SOAP TRO-S

CANDLE TRO-C

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Feel better now?

vegans LAWN TRIMMING SALAD FRAGRANCE back:

D OMG, no CHEESE? D Fake BACON? D Real booze, tho

SOAP VEG-S

CANDLE VEG-C

Let That Shit Go candle page 24

Matchboxes page 36

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military wives

Writer’s Block

The Youngest

CHAOTIC KUMQUAT FRAGRANCE

CHEAP WHISKEY FRAGRANCE

BABY LOTION FRAGRANCE

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D Anniversaries alone

D Zaps implausible plots

D You’ll get your turn

D Canceled vacation plans

D Eliminates derivative work

D You’re lucky to have all these hand-me-downs

D Extended deployment... again

D Better for your liver

D You’ll always be the baby

SOAP WIV-S

SOAP WRI-S

SOAP YNG-S

CANDLE WIV-C

CANDLE WRI-C

CANDLE YNG-C

Zero Carbs CUCUMBER WATER FRAGRANCE back:

D I. D Need.

D Bread.

SOAP ZCA-S

CANDLE ZCA-C

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Notes and Stuff 108

Fuck, Marry, Kill candles page 10

ORDER MINIMUMS: First order: $150.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River products.

Re-orders: $100.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River products.

TERMS: New accounts: Prepaid via check, money order, cash, or credit card..

Established accounts: Net 30.

Terms and Conditions of Credit All orders must be paid no later than 30 days from date shipped. A credit limit will be placed on your account. If your account exceeds this limit, pre-payment may be required. Customer shall pay Whiskey River Soap Co. all costs, expenses, legal and collection fees as incurred in enforcing the terms and conditions as allowed by law.

PAYMENT: Company check, money order, cash, credit card, PayPal, or ACH bank transfers

SHIPPING: Orders shipped via UPS Ground unless otherwise specified. Freight charges will be determined at time of shipping and will be added to each invoice. All domestic freight charges are capped at 15% of the wholesale order total. All shipments will be charged the actual freight cost of the order(s). Rates and service subject to change at any time at the sole discretion of Whiskey River Soap Co.

RETURNS: Returns are not accepted for any merchandise unless items are damaged or mis-shipped. For damaged or misshipped items, a return authorization number is required and must appear on all related correspondence. All returned merchandise must be received within 30 days of receipt of merchandise and be in 100% resalable condition for credit. A 25% restocking fee will be deducted for items received in poor condition and/or received beyond the 30-day return window. Return freight is the responsibility of the customer and must be prepaid by the customer.

PRICING: Prices are subject to change without notice.

This catalog and corresponding order form’s pricing supersedes all others. Current prices are effective from June 15, 2021.

NOTE ABOUT PERISHABLE PRODUCTS: Our products are perishable. Treat them as you would chocolate or a wounded kitten. They must be stored in cool, dry conditions to maintain optimum shelf life.

Do not place products in direct sunlight or leave in warm, humid environments like a hot car or a Brazilian discotheque.

FYI: Some of our candles have slightly revised copy on the labels because silly lines about “lathering up” don’t make a lick of sense on a candle and we adhere to a stringent 20% rule about making sense.

oleate, soy bean protein, coloring, fragrance.

Bath Bombs contain sodium bicarbonate, citric acid (for fizzing), food-grade PEG, alcohol, coloring and fragrance. Some contain small amounts of glitter.

’NOTHER FYI: All our soaps, candles and bath bombs are handmade, so no two look exactly alike. Expect some deviation!

NOTE: Bath bombs are just for fun.

Caution: For adult use only. Use only as directed.

Excessive use or prolonged exposure may cause irritation to skin and urinary tract. Keep out of eyes and mouth. Discontinue use if rash, redness, or itching occur. Consult your physician if irritation persists. Keep out of the reach of children.

MORE FYI GARBAGE:

Not-even-in-the-running for cover model Haley poses awkwardly per the boss.

CLAIMS: Any claims for damaged or mis-shipped items must be made within 7 days of receipt of merchandise by notifying your sales rep.

Claims must be supported with photos of product, tracking number, and outer carton.

INGREDIENTS: Some of our soaps contain a few extras, like glitter in Queens. The basic ingredients (which are all printed on the labels) are: Coconut oil, palm oil, safflower oil, glycerine, purified water, sodium hydroxide, sorbitol, sorbitan

Our candles are 100% soy wax with added color & fragrance. The end.

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Pre-Packs astrology pencil pack

astrology soap pack

astrology matches PACK

All 12 Astrology Pencil Packs (4 packs each sign, 48 total)

All 12 Astrology Soaps (4 soaps each sign, 48 total)

All 12 Astrology Matches (4 bottles each sign, 48 total)

AP1

AS1

PENCIL DISPLAY PD

SOAP DISPLAY DB

AM1

astrology CANDLE PACK

astrology liquid soap pack

astrology journal-pack

All 12 Astrology Candles (4 candles each sign, 48 total.)

All 12 Astrology Liquid Soaps (4 bottles each sign, 48 total)

All 12 Astrology Journals (4 journals each sign, 48 total)

AC1

AJ1 AL1

soap-pack Comes with 14 best sellers (4 soaps each) for a total of 56 soaps.

clean alternates

SP1

soap display

journal display

FREE when filled with soap.

Additional fee for extra displays.

FREE when filled with journals.

Additional fee for extra displays.

DB

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JD

pencil-pack Comes with our 12 best-selling pencil styles (4 packs each), a total of 48 pencil packs.

PP1

includes: Teachers Grammar Police First World Problems Dog People The Office Cat People Passive Aggressive Procrastinators Cool Dads Okay Moms Days of the Week Midlife Crisis

pencil display FREE when filled with pencils. Additional fee for extra displays.

PD

bomb-pack Comes with all 10 bath bomb styles (4 bombs each), a total of 40 bombs.

BP1

candle-pack Comes with our 6 best sellers (3 candles each), a total of 18 candles.

clean alternate

CP1

New !

chris' corner liquid soap pack Comes with 12 variety Liquid Soap styles (4 bottles each), a total of 48 bottles.

LS1

journal-pack Comes with our 10 best-selling journal sets (4 sets each), a total of 40 journal sets.

JP1

includes: Teachers Nurses Grammar Police Cat People Dog People Procrastinators Zero Fucks (CLEAN ALT: #Goals) Okay Moms Drama Queens Winos

includes: Silently Judging Dog Saliva Dirty Fingers Useless Meetings Pretentious Virus Better Personality Dad Mom Fake News Dramatic Hairball clean alternate: Whatever

Grumble grumble growl grumble grumble growl grumble grumble grumble growl grumble growl growl grumble grumble grumble growl grumble growl growl grumble grumble grumble growl grumble growl growl grumble.

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www.whiskeyriversoap.com • sales@whiskeyriversoap.com

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