Whiskey River Soap Catalog Spring 2020

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Max and Zane share a warm, flat beer to annoint their brand new bromance.

PSST...

I T’S O U R

BI RTH DAY!

awwww...

Isn’t a blossoming bromance just the sweetest thing you ever did see, bro? Bro? Come on, don’t leave me hanging, brah.

Fine.

Moving on... didja know it’s our BIRTHDAY?!? That’s right! We’re 5 years old (but we act like we’re at least 7). This has been the fastest (and sometimes slowest) 5 years in history. For us at least.

For those of you who’ve been with us since the beginning, thank you! We love ya! And for those of you who are just discovering Whiskey River Soap, welcome to the club!

So check out the 44 fun new products (and all the other favorites) in this 5-year Birthday Issue and hope to hear from you soon.

Whiskey River Soap mascot Addie just can’t get over how old we are!

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Enjoy!

N EW

YEAR

PRODUCTS

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Abby said her hair isn’t blond enough to play Regina George, but we disagree.

N EW LIQUID HAND SOAP

YEAR

G N I T N U CO TO N I A G A 0 0 1

1 ... 2...

Please stop asking Varun to come to your useless meetings, Karen.

yep. you heard it here first.

We’re introducing liquid hand soap! And you know what that means... wait. You do? Can you fill me in? I thought it was pretty self-explanatory. You’re so deep! That’s why people largely avoid you at parties. Nobody wants to understand the profound nuances of why Susan puts raisins in her queso dip, ok? I’m just here to help.

I’m also here to tell you about this new liquid hand soap!

(I sort of wandered off there, sorry.) Each 8-ounce amber glass bottle is filled with all natural and organic liquid castile soap and scented with essential oils that we HOPE will encouage better hygiene in bathrooms everywhere.

Eh. One can dream.

Variety Liquid Soap: Bottle size 6.25" H x 2.25" W. 8 different 8-ounce styles sold in 4-packs. All-natural and organic castile soap. Scented with essential oils.

Astrology Liquid Soap: Bottle size 6.25" H x 2.25" W. 12 different 8-ounce styles sold in 4-packs. All-natural and organic castile soap. Scented with essential oils.

5

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Whatever

Pretentious

Product code: WHA-L

Product code: PRE-L

GRAPEFRUIT

LEMONGRASS

Dog Saliva Product code: DOG-L

LIME 6 6

TEA TREE

PEPPERMINT

LIQUID HAND SOAP

SPEARMINT

N EW

Useless Meetings

Hairball

Dramatic

Product code: USE-L

Product code: HAI-L

Product code: DRA-L

N EW!

YEAR

ORANGE

James is not listening to any of your nonsense.

FA KE N EWS .

Fake News Product code: FAK-L

LEMON

I DIDN’T H EAR TH E FA U C ET...

And Jessica is definitely listening.

Silently Judging Product code: SIL-L

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ASTROLOGY LIQUID HAND SOAP

N EW CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

December 22-January 19

January 20-February 18

•••

•••

CINNAMON SCENT

PATCHOULI SCENT

•••

•••

NECTAR OF THE GODS

PARTY SUDS

No-nonsense formula keeps your vast crew of underlings and germs in check

Progressive blend perfect for protest parties and event planning

Product code: AQU-L

Product code: CAP-L

PISCES

February 19-March 20 •••

SPEARMINT SCENT •••

MELTED DREAMS

Empathetic formula complements pipe dreams and serial pet adoptions

GEMINI

May 21-June 20 •••

TANGERINE SCENT •••

CRAZY SAUCE

Provocative blend of ingredients will enhance the sharing any and all secrets

Product code: PIS-L

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Product code: GEM-L

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YEAR

Sam channels Rosie the Riveter, who was definitely an Aries.

ARIES

TAURUS

March 21-April 19

April 20-May 20

•••

•••

GRAPEFRUIT SCENT •••

ROSEMARY SCENT

SUCKER PUNCH

•••

Over-the-top formula increases instances of challenges and barroom brawls Product code: ARI-L

Fiona is a swell name but we call her Princess Snoodle Doodle My Baby Boodle for short.

ROYAL ESSENCE

Specially formulated luxury blend for indulging and keeping it classy

Product code: TAU-L

ID D N E H T D N A G M O YO U H E A R A BO U T CH RIS?

No real Geminis here.

Sara is a classic Virgo.

Olivia needs you to know that she’s actually a Pisces.

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N EW

CANCER

June 21-July 22 •••

WINTERGREEN SCENT •••

BOTTLED EMOTIONS

Stop asking me so many questions.

I’m fine.

Moody mixture works whether you’re running hot or cold at the moment Product code: CAR-L

LEO

July 23-August 23 •••

LEMONADE SCENT •••

LOVE POTION

Extremely potent formula improves star quality and casts a wide net for new fans Product code: LEO-L

Haley wonders out loud... a lot.

VIRGO

August 23-September 22 •••

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LIME SCENT

LIQUID ANXIETY

Tightly-wound mixture encourages unsolicited grammar corrections and tallying up imperfections

Product code: VIR-L

N EW

YEAR

SCORPIO

October 23-November 21 •••

EUCALYPTUS SCENT •••

TEARS OF MY ENEMIES

Fiercely dramatic blend compels friends and enemies alike to fall to their knees Product code: SCO-L

Newly professional hand model Max has a new LinkedIn skill.

Nate wants to know if this is a good Tinder look.

LIBRA

September 23-October 22 •••

BASIL SCENT

SAGITTARIUS

•••

November 22-December 21

FLIRT SYRUP

•••

Fairly ambivalent blend is totally fine with whichever water temperature you prefer Product code: LIB-L

FENNEL SCENT •••

FUNNY STUFF

Randomly chosen ingredients that will linger long after you up and disappear again Product code: SAG-L

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N EW PEN CI LS! AY E E E E! PENCILS FOR CAT PEOPLE

PENCILS FOR DOG PEOPLE

Back side:

Back side:

HERE, KITTY KITTY

IT WAS THE DOG, I SWEAR!

I have a surpise for youuuu....

Look, I don’t know if you know

Darn it, where are you?

this about my dog, but he’s

Remember that time you told

verrry gassy. So if you get a

me you wished you could be

whiff of anything remotely off,

a little policeman? I’m sure

it was the dog, ok? He’s also

you said that. And I’ve got

responsible for the missing

JUST the costume for that!

cheesecake in the fridge. I

Come on, kitty, kitty. My

don’t know how he does it!

Instagram followers

The scoundrel.

are waiting.

Product code: CAT-P Product code: DOG-P

PENCILS FOR NURSES

PENCILS FOR BOOMERS VS. MILLENNIALS

Back side:

Back side:

MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?

PASS THE POPCORN

You must be completely delusional if you think I’m a waiter, pal. In fact, I could argue that your very existence is at the mercy of my skilled, capable

With the two largest generations in history at each other’s virtual throats on social media, this is the most epic battle since white or wheat. Who’s more entitled? Who’s more maligned? And does

hands right now.

it even matter? HEY.

So too bad if

Of course it does.

you don’t like the

Ask any one of them.

green Jello. Shut

But really. Pass the

your trap and

popcorn. This is

maybe I’ll come

some serious

back to check on

entertainment.

PENCILS FOR GRAVESTONE IDEAS Back side: I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK Absolute genius last words to carve onto your gravestone.

Why bother with father, mother, son, daughter? Beloved pet, bah! Boooring.

Really, the only proper way to go out is to get the very last word. That, or leave them wondering for all eternity. Who dis?

you. Key word:

maybe.

Product code: NUR-P

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Product code: BOO-P

Product code: GRV-P

PENCILS FOR PROCRASTINATORS Back side:

FREE

YEAR

DISPLAY

TWO WEEKS. Go ahead, ask me anything.

Invariably, the answer will be “two weeks.” Wondering when I’ll get my grades up? ?

Two weeks. Get my grades up and start working out?

Two weeks. Get my grades up, start working out, call my dad, visit my Nana in Florida, get married, buy a house, file for divorce, start my own business and run for office? Two weeks, pal. Two. Weeks.

They’re selling so well that we’ve decided to create EVEN MORE pencil sets! But don’t make a big deal out of it. I HATE drama.

NEW Pencil Sets: 8-pack of standard No. 2 pencils. Box size: 7 1/2" L x 2 1/2" H x 3/8" D

Product code: PRO-P

PENCILS FOR THE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Back side: I’M FINE. I mean, if you want, I can write an essay detailing the extent to which I’m fine. I’ll even laminate the cover if you need me to do that, too. I don’t mind at all.

If that’s what you need to prove that I’m fine, I’ll do it.

Heck, I might even make it a book, find a publisher and go on Ellen to promote the release, proving how fine I am. I mean if that’s what you need. I’ll do it.

Product code: PAS-P

PENCILS FOR ZERO FUCKS

PENCILS FOR TRUTH

Back side:

Back side:

NO FUCKS.

I’M A FAKE VEGAN.

We hear you. You’re so over it you can’t even. This newlyconcocted bad attitude is just what the doctor ordered! Plus, none of us really liked it when you were just a simple, caring, average Joe. So kudos to you! Even though you couldn’t give a F. We know.

Fresh out.

Hey, wouldn’t it be nice if people just told the truth every once in a while? I mean, nobody wants to hear that Susan thinks your baby is weird looking, but does she have to go on and on about how ADORABLE he is, only to snicker with the entire Human Resources department behind your back?

Susan, Susan, Susan.

Just wait til you have a baby.

Product code: ZER-P

Product code: TRU-P

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H OT S ELLERS! PENCILS FOR TEACHERS

PENCILS FOR FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

Back side:

Back side:

IT’S A SNOW DAY SOMEWHERE....

AWWWWW...

But not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people’s children AND their classroom shenanigans.

And it’s not that you don’t love teaching. It’s more that nobody truly appreciates all the garbage you go through just to do your job. Isn’t it time people started thanking YOU for YOUR service?

I hear you’re having a bad day.

First of all, your wifi sucks, so Shameless is totally lagging. Plus, it’s 95 outside but you’re shivering under a blanket because the AC is SO freezing, and now your glutenfree muffin was the BEST gluten-free muffin you’ve ever had until you realized they gave you the one with almonds. And we both know you said NO NUTS.

Product code: TEA-P

Product code: FIR-P

PENCILS FOR GRAMMAR POLICE

PENCILS FOR THE OFFICE Back side:

Back side:

OH COOL. It’s Monday again. Feels like I just clocked out. Know what I love about Mondays? Nothing.

In fifteen minutes, I’ll be sleeping with my eyes open for an hourlong meeting about employee morale followed by a “surprise” birthday cake and card everyone half-heartedly signs while doing a slow eye-roll. Which is the same eye-roll I’ll be making when I read it, ’cuz it’s my birthday and even that won’t fix a Monday.

Product code: OFF-P

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YOUR ANNOYING.

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Ahahaha. It’s so easy to get under your skin. Just wanted to shoot a quick message to let you know how impressed we all are that you finally figured out the difference between your and you’re.

Welcome to the grammar club, smarty pants. But as a club member, you now have to quit whining about other people’s grammatical errors.

Trust me on this point, p you’re still making some.

Product code: GRA-P

YEAR

PENCILS FOR WRITER’S BLOCK

PENCILS FOR LITTLE WHITE LIES

Back side:

Back side: OMG, CROSSFIT? YES.

TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A BONE-DRY HACK?

I looooove working out. If I could, I would do it 24/7. It’s just that I have all these obligations and such since I took that sabbatical from work. Oh, yeah, technically they called it “fired” but I was going to take a creative break anyway. And I LOVE my free time!

I mean, I don’t really have any, of course, and that’s why I’m not hitting the gym at the moment....

So the wordsmith’s well has run dry? Try this pack of Writer’s Block pencils. If these pencils don’t help you churn out regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire, I’ll eat my hat. It’s a fedora, by the way. Cool vampires wear fedoras now. Put that in your crack pipe and smoke it. Or in your book. Either way, you’re gonna need these pencils ASAP. Even crap won’t write itself.

Product code: WRI-P Product code: LIT-P

EXCUSE PENCILS FOR INTROVERTS Back side:

PENCILS FOR OKAY MOMS Back side:

PEOPLE SUCK.

CONGRATULATIONS.

That’s why you prefer to stay inside with your stuffed animal collection. But sometimes it’s a little hard to admit that in public. So we’ve carefully crafted a few extremely plausible excuses to get you out of all those pesky social obligations. Like happy hour.

Your niece’s school play.

Office parties.

Your wedding.

You’re the world’s okayest mom! Please don’t take offense!

Face it, perfect moms are the absolute worst, what with their spotless car seats, healthy and organic snacks packed neatly in recyclable containers, and quickdraw first aid kits.

Okay moms are where it’s at. Okay moms are where you want to live: sippy cup wine, the five-second rule, and naps that overlap into second naps.

Product code: INT-P

Product code: OKA-P

PENCILS FOR THE MIDDLE CHILD Back side: WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? The only thing worse than being unnoticed is being unnoticed when your hair is neon purple and you dress like you’re from the Matrix. Um, hello? Being the first child ain’t all that.

The only people who think so are: #1. My older sibling and #2.

My dumb parents.

And I haven’t even gotten to the part about the (cry)baby of the family. Oy.

Product code: MID-P

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ASTROLOGY SOAP

YEAR

Each soap has a custom color-scheme and fragrance that matches the Astrology Candles.

Shrink-wrapped with a clear label. Sold in 4-packs.

S O A P

F O

R

S O A P

F O

R

S O A P

F O

R

CAPRICORN D E C E M B E R 2 2 - JA N UA RY 19

AQUARIUS JA N UA RY 2 0 - F E B RUA RY 18

F E B RUA RY 19 - M A RC H 2 0

Smells like the boss of everyone

Smells like a real do-gooder

Smells like some serious delusions

PROGRESSIVE PAPAYA

DRIFTWOOD DREAMER

A

B E R G A M O T

B O S S

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

A

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

PISCES A

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS Smells like a real do-gooder

Smells like some serious delusions

Bergamot Boss fragrance

Progressive Papaya fragrance

Driftwood Dreamer fragrance

Smells like the boss of everyone

Product code: CAP-S

S O A P

F O

PISCES

Product code: AQU-S

R

S O A P

F O

Product code: PIS-S

R

S O A P

F O

R

ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

Smells like you only ride shotgun

Smells like a gold-plated sundae

Smells like a split personality

AGGRESSIVE AGAVE LIME

CHAMPAGNE CHIC

WHIMSICAL WATERMELON

A

M A RC H 21 - A P R I L 19

A

A P R I L 19 - M AY 2 0

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

ARIES

TAURUS

A

M AY 21 - J U N E 2 0

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

GEMINI

Smells like a gold-plated sundae

Smells like a split personality

Aggressive Agave Lime fragrance

Champagne Chic fragrance

Whimsical Watermelon fragrance

Product code: ARI-S

Product code: TAU-S

Product code: GEM-S

Smells like you only ride shotgun

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This soap is intentionally placed this way to irritate Virgos.

S O A P

F O

R

CANCER A

A

J U N E 21 - J U LY 2 2

S O A P

F O

LEO

R

S O A P

J U LY 2 3 - AU G U S T 2 2

Smells like buried emotions

Smells like itʼs all about you

MOODY MOJITOS

VANILLA VANITY

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

F O

R

VIRGO

A

AU G U S T 2 3 - S E P T E M B E R 2 2

Smells like making a list to make a list

OVERTHINKING ORANGES N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

CANCER

LEO

Smells like it’s all about you

Smells like making a list to make a list

Moody Mojitos fragrance

Vanilla Vanity fragrance

Overthinking Oranges fragrance

Product code: CAR-S

Product code: LEO-S

Product code: VIR-S

FREE DISPLAY

S O A P

F O

R

FREE ASTROLOGY DISPLAYS with PRE-PACK AS1 or AP1 see page 56

S O A P

F O

R

S O A P

F O

S E P T E M B E R 2 3 - O C TO B E R 2 2

O C TO B E R 2 3 - N OV E M B E R 21

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

Smells like a peacekeeper

Smells like a supervillain

Smells like a disappearing act

FRENCH LAVENDER FLIRT

VINDICTIVE VIOLETS

WANDERING WHITE TEA

LIBRA

A

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

A

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

A

R

N OV E M B E R 21 - D E C E M B E R 21

N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

French Lavender Flirt fragrance

Vindictive Violets fragrance

Wandering White Tea fragrance

Product code: LIB-S

Product code: SCO-S

Product code: SAG-S

Smells like a peacekeeper

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VIRGO

Smells like buried emotions

Smells like a supervillain

Smells like a disappearing act

ASTROLOGY PENCILS

YEAR

Yes! Pencils! Check out our 8-pack of custom pencils made specifically for each astrological sign. Each pack features a SELFIE PENCIL! The writing is backwards to fulfill all your selfie needs! (Yeah, we’ve seen your Insta....)

Each pencil box features a color sticker that matches the Astrology Candles, Soaps, and Journals.

Astrology Pencils: Box size: 8 1/4" tall x 3 3/8" width x 1/2" thick

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CAPRICORN

December 22-January 19

AQUARIUS

January 20 - February 18

Pencils:

Pencils:

EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A CLOUD MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY EVERY DAY I’M HUSTLIN’ BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART BOSSY AF BECAUSE I READ THE MANUAL MY PAY STUBS ARE LIT

YOU HAD ME AT REVOLUTION UP FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING SPIRITUAL GANGSTA POTENTIAL LIFE COACH AQUARIANS ARE SECRETLY SMARTER BFF COLLECTOR ENIGMATIC BUT ALSO DRUNK

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CONTROL FREEEEEAK

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WOKE AF

Back text: You are in avid pursuit of wealth and power, but are more grounded than a world traveler on a no-fly list. People like you because you’re filthy rich. And even though your source of income might be considered “iffy”, there’s nothing sexier than a bit of danger and a wad of cash.

Back text: You have a deep understanding of human nature and would excel at writing straight-to-DVD chick flicks. Your desire to save the whole planet keeps you mindful of doing real work for the people.

That said, you’re mostly valued for your non-stop partying and unstoppable quest to obtain the latest everything.

Product code: CAP-P

PISCES

February 19 - March 20

Product code: AQU-P

ARIES

March 21 - April 19

Pencils:

Pencils:

TIME FOR MY SECOND NAP STRAY ANIMAL COLLECTOR WILDLY UNDERAPPRECIATED DRINKS LIKE A FISH AMAZEBALLS IDEAS PENCIL MY ALONE TIME IS FOR YOUR SAFETY WILL ACCEPT FLATTERY

I COULD’VE EASILY GONE PRO FIGHT ME I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT I’M DOING FOR MY NEXT TRICK...

NEAR PERFECTION UNFINISHED PROJECTS PENCIL WROTE THE 1ST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): TOTAL DREAMER

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): 100%

Back text: You have a large capacity for helping those in distress. You are sympathetic to the world’s unfortunate, including every stray animal and helpless soul you meet.

People like you because o f your unbridled optimism. Might want to keep that in check, though.

Collecting parking tickets shouldn’t fondly be referred to as a “hobby.”

Back text: You are a natural competitor with very little patience for whiners.

You’re a doer, not a dreamer and are not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments. People like you because you look hot in shorts.

This is the year to take your shower singing act on the road.

Product code: ARI-P Product code: PIS-P

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TAURUS

April 20 - May 20

GEMINI

May 21 - June 20

Pencils:

Pencils:

INFLEXIBLE BECAUSE I’M RIGHT WHO WERE YOU JUST TEXTING? I NEED MORE MIDDLE FINGERS I HEARD THERE WOULD BE CAKE JUST CALL ME DICTATOR FOR SHORT TREAT YO’SELF IS ON MY FAMILY CREST CHAMPAGNE GOES WITH EVERYTHING

VODKA IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL I MADE MEMES BEFORE IT WAS COOL I DON’T WANT TO GOSSIP, BUT...

WAIT TIL YOU MEET MY OTHER PERSONALITY I DON’T CARE WHAT I SAID 10 MINS AGO GEMINIS ARE LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES I’M NOT SUPERFICIAL, JUST REALLY INTO LOOKS

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CLASSY AF Back text: You are extremely reliable and protective of loved ones. Both loyal and committed, you have a stickto-it-ive-ness that others admire and you ensure there’s never a single drop left in the bottle of Dom Perignon. People like you because you appreciate the finer things in life and can party hard without a single hair out of place.

Product code: TAU-P

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WORLD CLASS FLIRT Back text: You are a natural flirt and tend to seek out mentors in the form of wise-ish (and sexy) bartenders. In terms of introvert and extrovert, you tend to swing both ways, depending on the day… or cocktail. And even though you’ve been called “out there” on more than one occasion, people like you because you’re the good kind of crazy.

Product code: GEM-P

CANCER

June 21 - July 22

LEO

July 23 - August 22

Pencils:

Pencils:

CANCERS HAVE ALL THE FEELS PROFESSIONAL INTROVERT I’M FINE! NO OFFENSE, I JUST DON’T LIKE PEOPLE I’M STABBING YOU IN MY MIND BECAUSE I ONLY NEED ONE FRIEND I’M JUST GONNA STAY HOME TONIGHT

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! BUT LET’S GET BACK TO ME DID SOMEONE SAY JELLO SHOTS? LEOS HAVE THE MOST STALKERS EVEN YOUR MOM LOVES ME SPOON-FEED ME COMPLIMENTS MY AURA SHOOTS RAINBOWS & GLITTER

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): GHOSTING MASTER Back text: You’re no stranger to thumbsucking, but you’re not a total pushover, either. It’s just that you have all those FEELINGS and it sometimes makes you need hugs more than most. People like you as much for your creativity as they do for your desire to day drink under an afghan and watch Snapped marathons with your bestie.

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): HELLO GORGEOUS Back text: You are extremely charismatic and irresistible to most everyone you meet. You are generally the only person in the room who counts—and you know it. It’s not your fault you were born for such greatness. People like you almost as much as you like you.

Product code: LEO-P

Product code: CAR-P

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VIRGO

August 23 - September 22

LIBRA

September 23 - October 22

Pencils:

Pencils:

I COUGHED NOW I’M DEAD LIST-MAKING PENCIL LET ME OVERTHINK THAT THAT TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF ME I EXCEL IN RANDOM WORST-CASE SCENARIOS SCHEDULING AN IMPROMPTU PARTY! VIRGOS FOLD TOWELS PERFECTLY

THANKS FOR NOTHING I’M SORRY I SAY SORRY ALL THE TIME I’M DATING SOMEONE BUT WE CAN TEXT IT’S NO PROBLEM!!!!

EASILY DISTRACTE...

WHY CAN’T WE ALL GET ALONG? PRETTY PETTY, BUT STILL PRETTY

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): NOBODY’S PERFECT (EXCEPT VIRGOS)

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): ADORABLE AF

Back text: You are cautious and careful when sober, and tend to only let loose during pre-planned events. You have a firm grasp on the number of drinks both you and anyone else has ever had, and prefer to be in charge of the designated driver list.

People like you because you look like a sexy professor and always have all the answers.

Back text: You’re a lover of art and all things beautiful and intellectual. That’s why you always date hotties with graduate degrees. Not one to enjoy alone time, you are at your best when in a solid relationship, or at least a decent one-night stand.

People like you because you tend to agree with everything.

Product code: LIB-P

Product code: VIR-P

SCORPIO

October 23 - November 21 Pencils:

Pencils:

CHECKMATE. WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? REVENGE IS BEST SERVED CONSTANTLY TWIRLING MY INVISIBLE MOUSTACHE EVIL MASTERMIND BEST FRENEMIES FOREVER PROFESSIONAL STALKER

I EXIST, THEREFORE TACOS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO LIVE IN A TENT LOL WHY R U SO SERIOUS? I NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE I DON’T DO FAKE RANDOM THOUGHTS SQUAD

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): FIERCE AF Back text: You are passionate and fierce and do not suffer fools gladly.

You have the ambiance and appeal of a leather-clad supervillain and tend to keep your own entourage in tow. People like you because you always have the best ideas for revenge.

Product code: SCO-P

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SAGITTARIUS

November 22 - December 21

Selfie Pencil (Backwards): MENTALLY SINGLE Back text: You are wild and free and enjoy traveling to the far ends of the earth with your band of merry mischief- makers. Not one for long-term goals or commitments, you tend to disappear in the middle of the night for spur-of-themoment road trips. People like you because you always have the good party favors.

Product code: SAG-P

ASTROLOGY CANDLES

what’s YOUR sign?

Our 100% soy wax candles. Get the whole set! Each lid has a brightly-colored sticker that matches our Astrology Journals, Soaps, and Pencil Sets.

Astrology Candles: Burn time 20 hours. Jar size: 2 3/4" D x 3 1/2" H

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

Bergamot Boss fragrance

Progressive Papaya fragrance

Smells like the boss of everyone

Product code: CAP-C

Smells like a real do-gooder

Product code: AQU-C

PISCES

Smells like some serious delusions Driftwood Dreamer fragrance Product code: PIS-C

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ASTROLOGY CANDLES

ARIES

TAURUS

Smells like you only ride shotgun

Smells like a gold-plated sundae

Aggressive Agave Lime fragrance

Champagne Chic fragrance

Product code: ARI-C

GEMINI

Smells like a split personality Whimsical Watermelon fragrance Product code: GEM-C

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Product code: TAU-C

CANCER

Smells like buried emotions Moody Mojitos fragrance Product code: CAR-C

YEAR

LEO

VIRGO

Smells like it’s all about you

Smells like making a list to make a list

Vanilla Vanity fragrance

Overthinking Oranges fragrance

Product code: LEO-C

Product code: VIR-C

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

French Lavender Flirt fragrance

Vindictive Violets fragrance

Wandering White Tea fragrance

Product code: LIB-C

Product code: SCO-C

Product code: SAG-C

Smells like a peacekeeper

Smells like a supervillain

Smells like a disappearing act

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ASTROLOGY

JOURNALS notes from a boss

We are in love with our spiral-bound, lined Astrology Journals! Each one features a cover in a color specific to its astrological sign, and matches the stickers on the Astrology Candles, Soaps, and Pencil Sets.

Astrology Journals: Size: 7" tall x 5 1/4" width x 1/2" thick; 100 lined pages The inside covers have even more info on each astrological sign, including traits, description, colors, numbers, love matches, famous birthdays, and quotes.

CAPRICORN

Product code: CAP-J

Boss of the Universe December 22 - January 19

ARIES

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Product code: ARI-J

“I’m doing pretty good as far as geniuses go.”

—Kanye West, Gemini

AQUARIUS

Product code: AQU-J

PISCES

Spiritual Gangsta

Total Dreamer

January 20 - February 18

February 19 - March 20

TAURUS

Product code: TAU-J

GEMINI

First Class Rager

Self-Appointed Tyrant

Devious Minds

March 21 - April 19

April 20 - May 20

May 21 - June 20

Product code: PIS-J

Product code: GEM-J

YEAR

CANCER

Hypersensitive Soul June 21 - July 22 Product code: CAR-J

LEO

Product code: LEO-J

The Most Amazing Person on Earth

VIRGO

Product code: VIR-J

Clueless Perfectionist August 23 - September 22

July 23 - August 22

SAGITTARIUS

Product code: SAG-J

Casual Delinquent

LIBRA

The Self-Described Nice Person in the Room September 23 - October 22

Product code: LIB-J

SCORPIO

Product code: SCO-J

November 22 - December 21

Scary Ass Mind October 23 - November 21

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BATH BOMBS

new box size!

Brand-new boxes for our bestselling bath bombs! We’ve created a smaller, square-shaped box that still holds all the silly wording!

DOG PEOPLE

Smells like a wet, drooling dog Ok. It doesn’t. Unless your dog is also taking a bath.

Product code: DOG-B

TOP SELLER WHAT KIDS?

BIRTHDAY BLUES

I can’t hear you I can’t hear you I can’t hear you.

Which is cool, because I’m still 21.

Just like every year.

Smells like every birthday after 21

Smells like a locked door

Product code: BIR-B

Product code: WHA-B

NAMASTE

Smells like enlightenment Or a cult. And a whole lot of green smoothies.

Product code: NAM-B

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DAY DRINKING Smells like Saturday

And Sunday and Monday and Tuesday and you get the drill.

Product code: DAY-B

BUT I MADE THAT ONE FOR YOU

YEAR

CAT PEOPLE

Smells like a fizzing hairball What? It’s not like there wasn’t one in the tub anyway.

Product code: CAT-B

ZERO FUCKS

IT’S ONLY FRICKIN’ TUESDAY

And frankly, I don’t blame you. Much.

There’s no way in hell I’m going to make it to Friday, people.

Smells like you have none left to give

Smells like slowly dying

Product code: ZER-B

Product code: FRI-B

TEACHERS

MIDDLE CHILD

Or at least having PTSD about it.

Go ahead and dye your hair purple.

No one will notice.

Product code: TEA-B

Product code: MID-B

Smells like grading papers, even on your honeymoon

Largely invisible scent

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WTF CANDLES hey, what the?

Our 100% soy wax candles aren’t the most polite candles on the shelf, but as you know, they won’t stay on the shelf for long! Like it or leave it, profanity is frickin’ hot. So we’re introducing these precious and delicious-smelling pastel candles featuring your grandma’s favorite F word! And what the... one of these candles doesn’t even HAVE the F word on the label?!

Oh well. Who fucking cares.

WHAT THE F CANDLE? : Burn time 40 hours. Jar size: 2 3/4" diameter x 3 1/2" tall

FUCK THIS.

Smells like I’m over it Bye, Felicia.

Amaretto Sour fragrance

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Product code: WT1-C

I FUCKING LOVE YOU

Smells like, I mean, probably You know how temperamental I can be.

Pomegranate Champagne fragrance

Product code: WT2-C

YEAR

OH MY FUCK

Smells like someone’s knocked up

Product code: WT3-C

Who am I? Why am I here?

Why is this candle talking to me?

Virgin Blue Raspberry Jello Shot fragrance

FUCK YEAH

Product code: WT4-C

Smells like an existential crisis

Congratulations! Your life is now over.

Smells like a celebratory drink

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?

Cucumber-Aloe Daquiri fragrance

Product code: WT5-C

SALTY BITCHES

Smells like who you calling salty?

Fuck yeah!

Bitch.

Blueberry Bourbon Fizz fragrance

Salty Dog Cocktail (grapefruit) fragrance

Product code: WT6-C

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FIRST

WORLD

PHOBIAS

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL

Ugh, life is like, SO hard. Luckily for you, we’ve created this new set of soy votives to burn away all those pesky first world phobias!

First World Phobias Candles: Hand-poured soy votives. Burn time 20 hours.

Box size: 2 7/8" H x 3"" W x 3" D

ADULTOPHOBIA

BUZZOPHOBIA

The fear of pouring your own cereal milk

The fear of that next drink "WOULD I LIKE ANOTHER ONE? I MEAN, YEAH, BUT LIKE, I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY TOMORROW AND I DON’T WANT TO BE TIRED BUT I MEAN... IF EVERYONE ELSE IS GETTING ONE THEN MAYBE I WILL! BUT I SHOULDN’T, I GUESS. SO, NO. WAIT, COME BACK! YES."

"HI MOM! I’M HOME! I BROUGHT ALL MY LAUNDRY FOR YOU AND I NEED MY FAVORITE JEANS BY LIKE 7 BECAUSE I’M MEETING PEOPLE OUT AND DID YOU BUY MY CEREAL? CAN YOU MAKE ME A BOWL? I’M BEAT." Product code: ADU-V

Apple Jacks fragrance

CHADOPHOBIA

DUCKOPHOBIA

Peach Margarita fragrance

Product code: BUZ-V

FAKEOPHOBIA

The fear of frat guys showing up

The fear of ducking autocorrect

The fear of fake ass people

"ME, TODD AND CHAD HAD THE MOST EPIC PARTY ON SATURDAY. DUDE, I T WAS EPIC! WE ICED CHAD SO M ANY TIMES, IT WAS EPIC! DUDE, H E TOTALLY PUKED ON MY DAD’S NEW CLUBS AND THEN PASSED OUT. I T WAS EPIC! MY DAD IS SO PISSED YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE. EPIC."

"DUCK THIS MEETING!

"OMG. IT’S SO GOOD TO FINALLY MEET YOU. I’VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU. YOU HAVE THIS AMAAAZING AURA. AND LOOK AT T HAT OUTFIT! IT’S SO ORIGINAL. YOU MUST BE REALLY INTO RETRO. AND I JUST LOOOOOVE YOUR HAIR. DO YOU DO IT YOURSELF?"

Smirnoff Ice fragrance

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Product code: CHA-V

DUCK THIS MEETING! I MEANT... DUCK THIS MEETING! BLAH. DUCKING AUTOCORRECT."

Rubber Ducky Bubble Bath fragrance Product code: DUC-V

Vodka Diet Soda fragrance

Product code: FAK-V

GUACOPHOBIA

The fear of missing the twominute window of a ripe avocado

FRIENDOPHOBIA

"THE AVOCADOS LOOK AMAZING. BUT SHOULD I BUY ONE THAT’S NOT QUITE RIPE YET SO IT DOESN’T GET MUSHY BEFORE I USE IT OR DO I BUY THE RIPE ONE IN CASE I’M IN THE MOOD FOR AVOCADO TOAST IN THE MORNING... OR WILL I JUST LET IT ROT AGAIN OR... WHY AM I FREAKING OUT?"

The fear of connecting with someone and having to live up to it later

* AWKWARD SILENCE *

Fresh Guacamole fragrance

Neglected Cactus fragrance

Product code: GUA-V

Product code: FRI-V

RECAPOPHOBIA

MOISTOPHOBIA

The fear of hearing about your co-worker’s weekend

The fear of hearing a particular word "MOIST. MOIST. MOIST. MOIIIIIIST."

Moist Mangoes fragrance

Product code: MOI-V

"ME AND MY FRIENDS WENT OUT SATURDAY AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED AND WHO WE SAW AND WHERE WE WERE AND WHAT TIME WE GOT HOME AND WHAT I WORE AND LOOK AT MY SNAPCHAT AND HAHAHAHA ISN’T THAT SO FUNNY OMG AND THEN..."

Product code: REC-V

Watermelon Shots fragrance

SHOPOPHOBIA

The fear of the cashier judging you for your sketchy selections "I ONLY WENT TO THE STORE BECAUSE I NEEDED TO BUY MY GRANDPA LAXATIVES AND PRUNE JUICE BUT I ENDED UP GETTING MILK, CHEETOS, SEEDLESS GRAPES, FROZEN PIZZA, MOUTHWASH, A BAG OF CHARCOAL, A TURKEY SUB, DOUGHNUTS AND A NEW HAIRBRUSH SO THE CASHIER Product code: SHO-V WOULDNT NOTICE."

Maraschino Cherries & Q-Tips fragrance

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PARTY

FUN! I T ’ S

Y O U R

PA RT Y! And you’ll cry (and whine and bitch and complain) if you want to. Hey! At least there’s free booze. And to complement the copious amounts of alcohol and free-flowing feelings, we’ve got the perfect party accoutrements!

Emotionally Needy Napkins and Extremely Fickle Straws & Coasters will set the stage for your next drunken bitchfest. And don’t forget to invite me!

These cocktail napkins have issues. (Just like you and all your friends.) So stop taking them for granted and give them the attention they both crave and deserve.

NEW Napkin Set: 21-pack of 3-ply 5" x 5" bi-fold cocktail napkins made with recycled material. Made in the USA. Box size: 5 1/8" L x 5 1/8" H x 1" D

7 NAPKIN STYLES PER PACK (3 OF EACH) YOU TREAT ME LIKE GARBAGE I FEEL LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN NEED ME GO AHEAD. JUST THROW ME AWAY LIKE THAT. NOBODY TAKES ME SERIOUSLY. I’M JUST A STUPID NAPKIN. YOU BARELY NOTICE ME ANYMORE. MOST PEOPLE JUST IGNORE ME. Product code: NAP-E

YOU’RE PROBABLY JUST USING ME AND THEN YOU’LL THROW ME AWAY.

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I’m not saying I’m fickle, but I’m not saying I’m not, either. I like to have it both ways. That’s why these paper straws are so perfect for the fickle at heart. Am I taken or single? Depends on what and how many I’m sipping through this straw. And don’t forget paper straws are all the rage these days!

NEW Paper Straws Set: 20-pack of paper straws. Box size: 2 1/2" L x 7" H x 1/2" D

Product code: STR-E

F L I P YO U R COAS T E R? Well, I was chill until somebody broke out the PLASTIC straws.

Flip my coaster over because now I’m totally TRIGGERED.

NEW Coaster Set: 4-pack 4" round cork coasters (1/4-inch thickness) printed on both sides. Box size: 4 1/8" L x 4 1/8" H x 1 1/4" D

Product code: COA-E

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OLD SCHOOL MATCHBOOKS Yeah, matches are USEFUL. And we know everyone likes lighting shit on fire occasionally… no? Just me and my student loan paperwork? Oh, ok. Anyway, throw a matchbook in with that candle you’re gifting! Leave it as the tip for your server! We know they will be just as surprised as you once they read what businesses are selling nowadays. Yikes!

NEW Matchbooks in Countertop Display: 64-pack of old school 20-strike matchbooks with funny fake company names. Made in the USA. Box size: 6.5" L x 6.5" W x 6" H

ASSORTED MATCHBOOKS Product code: MAT-A

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I BRING MY LAX STICK TO BARS

YEAR

Tyler and Silver have no prob playing bros.

BROS KI.

BRO. BRA H .

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JOURNALS

with free display!

Each pack comes with three different journals (4” x 5.5”) banded together. Journals are pocket-sized with rounded corners, blank pages and sturdy, colorful covers.

So get your writin’ pencil ready.

You’ve got some plagiarizing to do.

3 different 4" x 5.5" journals banded together. Sold in 4-packs. Free display with Journal Pre-Pack (JP1).

Product code: OKA-J

Product code: NUR-J

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Product code: CAT-J

TOP SELLERS Why I Live for Summers Ways Teachers are Underappreciated

Product code: DOG-J

Product code: WRI-J

Product code: TEA-J

Product code: PRO-J

Product code: GRA-J

Product code: ZER-J

Product code: WIN-J

Product code: GOA-J

Product code: MID-J

Product code: INT-J

Product code: DRA-J

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NEW

Fun fact: Joe has worn the same shirt in every single catalog.

SOAPS & CANDLES MILENNIALS Smells like leave me alone, boomer

Your jealousy is showing.

Green new deal scent Back side: aPairs well with avocado toast aAnd student loans aOK boomer.

GEN X

Product codes: MIL-S / MIL-C Soap

Candle

Smells like teen spirit Which smells like Doc Martens and the girl with the most cake.

Freshly laundered flanned scent

GEN Z

Back side: aPromotes slacking aLooks good in a flannel aPairs well with Nirvana

Smells like soft boys and TikTok Say whaaaa?

You’re mystifying to the rest of us.

Baby lotion

Back side: aGaming is life aThis soap is so cringe aJK, I low-key love soap Product codes: GEZ-S / GEZ-C Soap

Candle

Product codes: GEX-S / GEX-C

Soap

Candle

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NEW SOAPS & CANDLES

REDHEADS

Smells like a fiery disposition and bathing in sunblock And don’t listen to what they say.

Of COURSE you have a soul.

Chelsey is a "real" redhead.

For now.

Spicy cider

Product codes: RED-S / RED-C

Soap

Candle

Back side: aYes, it’s real aI’m wearing red anyway aCan we NOT talk about my hair?

Testosterone light

Back side: aBro! aBroskiiii! aBrah.

Product codes: BRO-S / BRO-C Soap

BROMANCE

Candle

Smells like someone has a new friend It’s just so precious.

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NEW SOAPS & CANDLES We said to sit up straight, but Quinn had other ideas.

THE ONLY CHILD

Smells like an imaginary friend

Product codes: ONC-S / ONC-C

Or an entire circus.

Depends how lonely you are.

Soap

Candy apple of my eye scent

Back side: a Sharing? Never heard of it a What are "other people"? a My parents are my besties

Candle

FRIDAY FEELS Smells like my second favorite F word

It’s almost weekend o’clock and rady to get my drink on.

Lunchtime cocktails scent

BESTIES

Smells like petty gossip and a lot of venting So drink up, buttercup. ’Cuz we’re not doing this sober.

Grape hard seltzer scent Back side: a No one else gets us a Who cares a Support your local girl gang

Product codes: BES-S / BES-C

Soap

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Candle

Back side: aEnhances good vibes aStaves off Mondays aIs it 5 yet?

Product codes: FFE-S / FFE-C Soap

Candle

NEW SOAPS & CANDLES

When Jessey is busy thinking about what to think about .

OVERTHINKERS

Head shop scent

Smells like the moon landing was real

Or was it? Is Tupac still alive?

Why is White Claw so good?

Product codes: OVE-S / OVE-C

Back side: a Could a unicorn exist? a Are 12 toes a thing? a How much water can I drink before exploding?

Candle

Soap

We all know one, don’t we? Chris (not THAT Chris) plays the part well, doncha think?

THE TROPHY HUSBAND Smells like sittin’ back and lookin’ good Living your best life.

Tricked-out Porsche Product codes: TRO-S / TRO-C

Soap

Candle

Back side: a Looks good on your arm a Looks good in anything... or nothing a Jealous much?

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TOP SELLERS

CAT PEOPLE

THE FIRST CHILD

Smells like purring

And a fresh hairball under your foot.

Smells like you’re just more important

You just had to have your own soap, didn’t you.

Product codes: CAT-S / CAT-C Soap Product codes: FIC-S / FIC-C

Brand-new everything (Wintergreen) Back side: aReduces parental pressure aKeeps younger siblings out of your stuff aIs practically perfect, too

Soap

Candle

Warm milk scent

Back side: aMy cat has an Instagram aLint rollers in the car aDog people suck

SOCIAL ANXIETY

TEACHERS

Smells like a list of pre-planned excuses

Smells like grading papers... even on your honeymoon

Are you kidding me? I really did break my glass eye and set the waterbed on fire.

Or at least not having PTSD from it.

Product codes: SOC-S / SOC-C

Product codes: TEA-S / TEA-C

Soap Poisoned apple

Vodka Vitamin Water Back side: aI have Ebola aMy hamster ran away

aI just found out I’m a hologram

Candle

Candle

Back side: aIDK, CAN you go to the bathroom? aDon’t you dare say "Wikipedia" aI just realized I don’t even like kids

DOG PEOPLE

Soap

Candle

ZERO CARBS

Smells like unconditional love

Smells like starving to death

And drool. Lots and lots of drool.

Thank God for vodka.

Product codes: DOG-S / DOG-C Soap

Back side: aDrawer of embarrassing costumes aWet chew toys everywhere aCat people are freaks

Soap Cucumber water

Grassy dog park scent

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Product codes: ZCA-S / ZCA-C

Candle

Back side: a I. a Need. a Bread.

Candle

Cannabis scent

TOP SELLERS

COLORADO IS THE STANDARD Product codes: STO-S / STO-C COLORADO Soap

Product codes: VTS-S / VTS-C

Product codes: NES-S / NES-C

VERMONT Soap

NEVADA Soap

VERMONT Candle

NEVADA Candle

COLORADO Candle Back side: aGateway soap aAntagonizes DEA aApproved for medicinal purposes

Product codes: CST-S / CST-C

Product codes: MIS-S / MIS-C

Product codes: OST-S / OST-C

Product codes: WST-S / WST-C

CALIFORNIA Soap

MICHIGAN Soap

OREGON Soap

WASHINGTON Soap

CALIFORNIA Candle

MICHIGAN Candle

OREGON Candle

WASHINGTON Candle

Product codes: ILL-S / ILL-C

ILLINOIS Soap

ILLINOIS Candle

FUCKING MEETINGS Product codes: MAS-S / MAS-C

Product codes: AKS-S / AKS-C

MASSACHUSETTS Soap

ALASKA Soap

MASSACHUSETTS Candle

ALASKA Candle

Product codes: DCS-S / DCS-C

Product codes: MES-S / MES-C

WASH DC Soap

MAINE Soap

Smells like this could have been an email And this is why I drink.

Product codes: FME-S / FME-C

Soap WASH DC Candle

Bourbon in my coffee

MAINE Candle

Back side: a Per. a My. a Last email.

BIRTHDAY BLUES

THE WALKING DEAD

Smells like every birthday after 21

Smells like a nurse on a double-shift Who made that legal?

Which is cool, because I’m still 21.

Just like every year.

Product codes: BIR-S / BIR-C

Product codes: WDE-S / WDE-C

Soap

Soap

Sad birthday cake Back side: aI never get carded anymore aAnd I’m STILL 21. Pinky swear.

aWill you stop counting already?

Candle

Jello on my scrubs Candle

Back side: a Repels know-it-alls a Enhances card game skills a Smiles sarcastically for you

Candle

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TOP SELLERS

ZERO FUCKS Smells like you have none left to give

And frankly, I don’t blame you. Much.

TOP 10 candles

Product codes: ZER-S / ZER-C Soap

Fucking Meetings

Creamsicle scent

It’s Only Frickin’ Tuesday

Back side: aTired aOf aIt

Candle

GRAMMAR POLICE Smells like your annoying

Ahahaha.

It’s so easy to get under your skin.

Dog People Cat People Product codes: GRA-S / GRA-C Soap

Day Drinking

Jelly doughnut scent Candle

Birthday Blues

Back side: aYour/you’re aTheir/there/they’re aThings I’ve just learned since Facebook

THE MIDDLE CHILD

Middle Child

Largely invisible scent Go ahead and dye your hair purple.

No one will notice.

Okay Moms A New Home Product codes: MID-S / MID-C Soap

Zero Fucks

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Purple haze scent (Grape scented) Back side: aMagnifies misery aYour sister’s wedding was just beautiful aWho are you again?

Candle

#GOALS

Smells like perfect abs and a fabulous career

Unicorn farts (Rainbow sherbet) Back side: aWrinkle-free everything aCalorie-free pizza aEx in a man romper

TOP SELLERS

BOOK CLUB

Smells like why. Oh yeah, wine.

It would help if I got out of bed before noon. #fail

I’m in like four book clubs and I only read cereal boxes.

Product codes: GOA-S / GOA-C

Product codes: BOO-S / BOO-C

Soap

Soap Wine and paperbacks

Candle

Candle

A NEW HOME

A MAN’S MAN

Smells like new beginnings

Which, I guess smells like wet bear fur and salmon. Yum.

So try to keep that emotional baggage in the garage, ok?

Smells like Alaska

Product codes: MAN-S / MAN-C

Product codes: ANE-S / ANE-C

Soap Blizzard campfire scent

Back side: aGood for bear wrasslin’ aDoesn’t talk much either aWill drink you under the hand-hewn table

Candle

Smells like slowly dying

There’s no way in hell I’m going to make it to Friday, people.

Product codes: FRI-S / FRI-C Soap

Soap Trendy terrarium

IT’S ONLY FRICKIN’ TUESDAY

Gum smacking co-worker scent (Spearmint) Back side: aWake me up on Thursday aI’m already four coffees in aYawn.

Back side: aPairs well with gossip aAnd wine

aAnd more wine

Candle

Back side: aA fresh start! aA clean slate! aIt’ll be a mess in no time

Candle

OKAY MOMS

Smells like truth And wine. Probably a lot of wine.

Product codes: OKA-S / OKA-C

Soap Sippy cup wine Candle

Back side: aPairs well with nap time aIs also tired of perfect moms

aYour kids love you anyway

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AWKWARD MOMENTS

Smells like your entire life Increases instances of missed highfives & blind dates with your dad

Product codes: AWK-S / AWK-C

Soap

THE BASIC

Smells like Lululemon and Finstas Oh. Em. Gee. Let’s get lit tonight and sing 80s songs at karaoke.

Product codes: BAS-S / BAS-C

Soap

Sketchy ointment scent

Pumpkin spice latte

Back side: aFly unzipped aUnwanted eye contact aWrong person

Candle

BEER WHISPERERS Smells like IPA insanity

Bright, fresh and piney with hints of nobody cares and where’s my PBR?

Product codes: BEE-S / BEE-C Soap

Candle

Back side: aMy hair straightener is bomb AF aI’m just wearing leggings aChipotle is my liiiife

BEING AWESOME

Smells like a cool story, bro No really. I looove hearing every single detail about that one time.

Product codes: BEI-S / BEI-C

Soap

Oatmeal stout Back side: aThe proof is in the beer belly aSome of us just want a buzz aUh-oh: Craft weed is trending....

Candle

Candle

CLASSY AF

THE CREATIVE TYPE

Smells like sink bathing and dry shampoo

Smells like brain vomit

And then dressed up to get messed up.

You can’t help it.

The ideas just spew everywhere.

Product codes: CLA-S / CLA-C Soap The little black soap (Fragrance: Black currant)

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Back side: aChampagne in a Solo cup aHeels at the gym aMani-pedi before sentencing

Candle

One surfing lesson scent (Ocean scented) Back side: aDude. aFist bump! aAwesomesauce.

Smelly marker Back side: aPairs well with a Sharpie aThe one in your pocket

aThat vandalizes bathroom stalls all by itself

Product codes: CRE-S / CRE-C Soap

Candle

DAD BODS

DAD JOKES

Smells like cookies & cable sports

Smells like groaning kids

YEAR

Why do the jokes always happen in the car? #captiveaudience

Hey, it’s not your fault if chicks are into it

Product codes: DAJ-S / DAJ-C

Product codes: DAD-S / DAD-C Soap

Soap Corniest corn bread

Toasted marshmallow scent Back side: aPairs well with couch time aBuilds unwavering confidence aBring me another beer

Candle

Candle

DAY DRINKING

DELINQUENTS

Smells like Saturday

Smells like detention and the back of the bus

And Sunday and Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and you get the drill.

And probably a successful entrepreneur in the future

Product codes: DAY-S / DAY-C

Product codes: DEL-S / DEL-C

Soap

Soap

Mojitos

Back side: aPairs well with daytime TV aHelps pass the time aSeamless segue into nighttime drinking

Spiked Gatorade Candle

Back side: aTalks back aDislikes authority aIs the envy of everyone

DRINKING BUDDIES

Candle

FAKE NEWS

Smells like a match made in tequlia

Smells like drinking the Kool-Aid

Keeping the local bar open.

Just another service we provide.

No wonder everyone has their heads in the sand.

Product codes: FAK-S / FAK-C

Product codes: DRI-S / DRI-C

Soap

Soap Orange Kool-Aid

Dos margaritas Back side: a Fancy meeting you here a Just like yesterday a Barkeep!

Back side: aHey Dad, make me a sandwich aPoof! You’re a sandwich

a#sloweyeroll

Candle

Back side: aYou’re fake news aNo, you are!

aTakes one to know one, poser news

Candle

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FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS

Smells like your European vacation was a real bummer What, your wifi isn’t working?

Tears, buddy.

Product codes: FIR-S / FIR-C I said no almonds (Almond scented) Back side: aHot Pocket is still frozen aMy AC is FREEZING

aRipped jeans now too ripped

Soap

Candle

HANGOVERS

Smells like hair of the dog And don’t talk to me again until I’m on my second Bloody Mary.

Product codes: HAN-S / HAN-C Soap

GETTIN’ LIT

Smells like lunchtime cocktails and other bad ideas But I like bad ideas.

Meet me around noon?

Product codes: GET-S / GET-C Soap Umbrella drinks (Tropical scented) Candle

Back side: aWho cares if it’s only Tuesday aIt’ll break up the week aLet’s do this

HAPPY CAMPERS Smells like an oxymoron

You know you can just make s’mores in the microwave, right?

Product codes: HAP-S / HAP-C Soap

Nuked s’mores

Bloody Mary scent

Back side: aWhy do I do this to myself? aLast night was fun, lol aWhat’s on tap for tonight?

Candle

HIPSTERS

Coffee, bacon & craft beer

Candle

Back side: aIncreases instances of squatting in the woods aWho needs plumbing? aBugs are people, too

HOT MESSES

Smells like major entertainment

Smells just like your beard

Seriously, I can’t wait to hear your latest installment.

Product codes: HIP-S / HIP-C Soap

Product codes: HOT-S / HOT-C Soap

Coffee, bacon & craft beer scent

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Back side: aEncourages pretension aSustains elitism aDisintegrates into normcore when wet

Cheap lip gloss scent Candle

Candle

Back side: aEncourages late nights aEnhances walks of shame aKnows the best happy hours

IT’S FINE

INTROVERTS

Smells like somebody’s passive-aggressive

Unscented

Because seriously, you’re not going anywhere anyway

No, really. It’s fine. I’m fine.

It’s all fine. Really.

Product codes: ITF-S / ITF-C

Product codes: INT-S / INT-C

Soap

Soap Unscented

Plain tap water

Back side: aGreat solo activity aRespects your space aWon’t ask you to an event

Candle

Back side: aWhatever aI’m not mad aIt’s fine

Candle

LAST NIGHT

KARMA

Smells like I can’t even

Scented with HAHAHAHA.

Just... no.

Sorry not sorry.

Product codes: KAR-S / KAR-C Soap

Candle

Product codes: LAS-S / LAS-C

Laughing Buddha scent (Sandalwood scented) Back side: aHa. aHa. aHa.

Soap Too much champagne Back side: aEliminates morning sun aWashes away drunk texts aIncreases invisibility

Candle

MANSPLAINING

LEFTIES

Smells like thank you sooooo much

Can’t you like, be normal or something?

I never would have figured out the pencil sharpener without you.

Product codes: LEF-S / LEF-C

Product codes: MNG-S / MNG-C

Smells like the weird scissors

Soap Preschool Paste Jar scent (Mint)

Back side: aThe old gross baseball glove aBackwards coffee mugs aDinnertime elbow wars

Soap This is how coffee smells

Candle

Back side: aSo THAT’S how you spell my name aAnd spell my hometown aAnd dress like a real woman

Candle

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MESSY PEOPLE

MIDLIFE CRISIS

Smells like a potential genius

Smells like a motorcycle

Just look at Einstein, Steve Jobs, and all those people on Hoarders.

Or a perm. Or a food truck.

Product codes: MIC-S / MIC-C

Product codes: MEP-S / MEP-C

Soap

Soap Unopened Mr. Clean

Kumquat tree scent

Back side: aAdds to clutter! aLooks good on a messy desk aFun find 2 years later!

Candle

MORNING PEOPLE

Smells like enlightenment Or a cult. And a whole lot of green smoothies.

Product codes: NAM-S / NAM-C Soap

Sugar cereal coma scent

Candle

Back side: aWhat alarm? aStop talking so loud aI can cut you

Candle

Om scent (Lavender & eucalyptus scented) Back side: aGratitude for yoga pants aDownward dog anyplace, anywhere, anytime aBreathe.

QUEENS

NAPPING

Smells like major drama

Smells like my one true love

And if you don’t like this soap, I’m going to set myself on fire!

Seriously. Don’t try to come between me and my naps, ’less you want cut.

Product codes: NAP-S / NAP-C

Product codes: QUE-S / QUE-C Soap

Soap Mtn. Dew sugar crash Candle

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Candle

NAMASTE

Smells like a hell no

Uh-oh. Does somebody have a case of the Mondays?

Product codes: MOR-S / MOR-C Soap

Back side: aWon’t fade new tattoos aMild on recent piercings aLikes 22-year-olds, too

Back side: aMidmorning nap aAfter-lunch nap aAfter-nap nap

Just bite me scent (Cherry candy scented) Back side: aTalk to the hand. aI’m. Going. Out. And don’t even think of following me a(Text me later, boo)

Candle

SALTY SERVERS

SHIT SHOWS

Smells like petty customers and biting your tongue

Strawberry milkshake Back side: aWashes away bad tippers aRinses off dietary restrictions aSeparates the check for you

Smells like last night

It’s so funny you think I’m going to bring you that side of ranch, tho

And basically my whole life, in case you were wondering.

Product codes: SAL-S / SAL-C

Product codes: SHI-S / SHI-C Soap

Soap

Fireball shots scent (red hot cinnamon) Back side: aI did what? aSo THAT’S how I got that bruise aIt was fun, though, right?

Candle

SLIGHTLY UNHINGED

SINGLE LADIES

Smells like Beyoncé’s breath

Smells like unpredictable behavior

And the best time of your life.

Which is completely sexy until you stab someone

Product codes: SLI-S / SLI-C

Product codes: SIN-S / SIN-C Soap

Jello shots scent

Lemonade Back side: aDo whatever the F you want aNo in-laws

aShould’ve put a ring on it....

Candle

Candle

Back side: a20% scary aAlways exciting a35% scarier after cocktails

Soap

Candle

SUNDAY FUNDAY

SMALL TOWNS

Smells like mimosas & cheap gossip

Smells like everything is relative

And a Monday morning call-in sick day.

But not like marrying your relative or anything. Chill out.

It’s just a date.

Product codes: SUN-S / SUN-C Product codes: SMA-S / SMA-C Soap

Candle

Soap Mimosas scent

Root beer float Back side: aOMG, high school sports! aWe’re getting a Chipotle???

aComplain all you want, but you’ll miss it when you leave

Back side: aBooze-soaked appetizers aBooze-soaked future plans aBooze-soaked Uber ride home

Candle

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BEHIND THE SCENES

Hey Abby. Look fierce! No? Ok, look mean. No? Ok. Hey! Stop laughing. This is supposed to be serious.

Ok, we lied earlier. Quinn was a perfect little model.

WRITER’S BLOCK

THE YOUNGEST

Smells like regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire

Smells like an afterthought

Why are you always in the way?

Come on. It’s a bar of soap, not magic. Try vodka.

Product codes: YNG-S / YNG-C

Product codes: WRI-S / WRI-C Soap

Candle

Cheap whiskey scent

Baby lotion

Back side: aZaps implausible plots aEliminates derivative work aBetter for your liver

Back side: aYou’ll get your turn aYou’re so lucky to have all these hand-me-downs! aYou’ll always be the baby

YOU’RE THE WORST

Smells like a comb-over

But a really super terrific comb-over like you’ve never seen before.

(That, and you’ve got a really cute butt.)

Product codes: YUG-S / YUG-C

Product codes: YOU-S / YOU-C

Soap

Soap Snarky candy hearts

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Candle

YUGE MISTAKES

Smells like that’s why I love you

Candle

Soap

Back side: aYou’re lucky I’m so desperate a(Lol) aYou’ll do

Fat cat scent (Cubans & cognac) Back side: aMakes washing great again aOnly losers don’t use soap aIncredible formula made by the best most intelligent people

Candle

BEHIND THE SCENES

YEAR

Zane and Charlie Brown work closely together to set up our studio pics.

NOTES: For those of you who are over 2,000 years old or are living off the grid—yet inexplicably reading our wholesale catalog—this is what’s called a "fire emoji", and it is strategically placed throughout the catalog on our hottest items. Note that ALL Astrology is HOT HOT HOT. And "HOT" is a word used to indicate... are you still reading this?!? Get a hobby, pal.

FYI: Some of our candles have slightly revised copy on the labels because silly lines about “lathering up” don’t make a lick of sense on a candle and we adhere to a stringent 20% rule about making sense. ’NOTHER FYI: All our soaps, candles and bath bombs are handmade, so no two look exactly alike. Expect some deviation!

MORE FYI GARBAGE: INGREDIENTS: Some of our soaps contain a few extras, like glitter in the Queens. The basic ingredients (which are all printed on the labels) are: Coconut oil, palm oil, safflower oil, glycerine, purified water, sodium hydroxide, sorbitol, sorbitan oleate, soy bean protein, coloring, fragrance.

Bath Bombs contain sodium bicarbonate, citric acid (for fizzing), food-grade PEG, alcohol, coloring and fragrance. Some contain small amounts of glitter. Bath bombs for Dog People also contain activated charcoal for color.

NOTE: Bath bombs are just for fun. Caution: For adult use only. Use only as directed.

Excessive use or prolonged exposure may cause irritation to skin and urinary tract. Keep out of eyes and mouth. Discontinue use if rash, redness, or itching occur. Consult your physician if irritation persists. Keep out of the reach of children.

Our candles are 100% soy wax with added color & fragrance. The end.

ORDER MINIMUMS: First order: $150.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River products.

Re-orders: $100.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River soaps, candles, bath bombs and journals.

TERMS: New accounts: Prepaid via check, money order, cash or credit card. Please attach a credit sheet for future terms Net 30.

Established accounts: Net 30.

Terms and Conditions of Credit • All orders must be paid no later than 30 days from the date shipped.

• A credit limit will be placed on your account. If your account exceeds this limit, prepayment may be required.

• Customer shall pay Whiskey River Soap Co. all costs, expenses, legal and collection fees as incurred in enforcing the terms and conditions as allowed by law.

PAYMENT: Company check, money order, cash, credit card, PayPal, Apple Pay, or ACH bank transfers.

SHIPPING: Orders shipped via UPS within the continental USA or via Priority Mail elsewhere, unless otherwise specified. Freight charges will be determined at time of shipping and will be added to each invoice. All domestic freight charges are capped at 15% of the wholesale order total. All shipments will be charged the actual freight cost of the order(s). Rates and service subject to change at any time at the sole discretion of the Whiskey River Soap Co. CLAIMS: Any claims for damaged or mis-shipped items must be made within 7 days of receipt of merchandise by notifying your sales rep. Claims must be supported with pictures of product, tracking number, and outer carton.

RETURNS: Returns are not accepted for any merchandise unless items are damaged or mis-shipped. For damaged or mis-shipped items, a return authorization number is required and must appear on all related correspondence. All returned merchandise must be received within 30 days of receipt of merchandise and be in 100% resalable condition for credit. A 25% restocking fee will be deducted for items received in poor condition and/or received beyond the 30 day return window. Return freight is the responsibility of the customer and must be prepaid by the customer. Please call 740-973-9817 for authorization and additional instructions.

PRICING: Prices are subject to change without notice. This order form and pricing supersedes all others. 2020 prices are effective January 1, 2020.

NOTE ABOUT PERISHABLE PRODUCTS: Our products are perishable. Treat them as you would chocolate or a wounded kitten. They must be stored in cool, dry conditions to maintain optimum shelf life. Do not place products in direct sunlight or leave in warm, humid environments like a hot car or a Brazilian discotheque.

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PRE-PACKS astrology pencil-pack

astrology soap-pack

All 12 Astrology Pencil Packs

All 12 Astrology Soap Packs

(4 packs each sign) with

(4 packs each sign) with

FREE DISPLAY

FREE DISPLAY

Product code: AP1

Product code: AS1

astrology candle-pack

astrology journal-pack

All 12 Astrology Candle Sets

All 12 Astrology Journal Sets

(4 candles each sign)

(4 journals each sign)

Product code: AC1

Product code: AJ1

soap-pack

SP1 BEST SELLERS SOAPS 14-PACK

Comes with 14 best sellers (4 soaps each) for a total of 56 soaps, plus a FREE DISPLAY on your first order!

Product code: SP1

display

journal display

FREE when you fill it

FREE when filled with journals and with JP1 on initial journal orders.

with product!

Product code: DB

Additional fee for extra displays.

Product code: JD

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pencil display

new pencil-pack

YEAR

FREE when filled with pencils. Additional fee for extra displays.

The top 12 pencil styles (4 styles each) for a total of 48 pencil packs.

Comes with FREE DISPLAY

Product code: PD

Product code: PP1

BP1 BATH BOMBS 10-PACK

bomb-pack Comes with all 10 bath bomb styles s(4 bombs each), 40 total bombs Product code: BP1

candle-pack

CP1 BEST SELLERS CANDLES 6-PACK

Comes with 6 best sellers (3 candles each) for a total of 18 candles.

Product code: CP1

all-white candle option If you would prefer your candles to all be WHITE for aesthetic reasons, we’re down with that! NO EXTRA CHARGE!

liquid soap pack Comes with all 8 Variety Liquid Soap styles (4 bottles each), 32 total bottles of liquid soap.

Product code: LS1

Product code: AWC

journal-pack Comes with a case pack of 10 best-selling journal sets & FREE display (40 journal sets).

Product code: JP1

astrology liquid soap pack includes: Teachers Grammar Police Procrastinators Nurses Zero Fucks Drama Queens Introverts Cat People Dog People Okay Moms

Comes with all 12 Astrology Liquid Soap styles (4 bottles each), 48 total bottles of liquid soap.

Product code: AL1

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