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What The F Magazine is a non-partisan, non-profit publication operated by students at the University of Michigan. What The Fâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s purpose is to encourage discussion on significant issues of campus, national, and world interest.

7HAT 4HE F 0% airbrushed and 100% women.

7HAT 4HE & !PRIL Articles

My Weekend vs. Your Weekend Riot Grrl Music Nudity There Will Be Blood Hangover Cures Girl: An Imitation Poem Womenstruation Tina on Butts The Great Birth Control Debate Labor Pains Columns

Letter from the Editors Woman of the Month Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m Afraid to Ask...

Bathroom Confessionals Exercise: Running for Rookies Origin of the Word

Food: I Smell Sex and... Oysters?

VajA2 Art: Analysis

Cosmo: Update Praying for Syphilis

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LETTER FROM THE EDITORS From your Founding Mothas: For Women, By Women Welcome to your campus vagazine! You heard it, vagazine. We are What the F, a never-seen-before publication on campus about all things woman. We’re fresh, funny, feminine, feminist (though we prefer our bras unburnt), and fucking fed up with the state of womanhood in the media today.

Turn on the tube and you see women catscratching over love interests, calling each other sluts, and forfeiting friendships for boyfriends. Where has our sense of solidarity gone? Why aren’t we taught to stick together, to celebrate our womanhood?

And for the love of vaginas why oh WHY are so many women’s magazines about him? Who is him anyways? We could quote from these popular publications all day and night: “How to Crank Up Your Kissability” “101 Things About Men” “Will He Love It?” “His Best Sex Ever.” Our bodies are so sexualized that our own anatomy and physiology are taboo topics. What the F seeks to toss that trash

they’re feeding us like it’s yesterday’s pad and serve you accurate, woman-centered health information on a silver platter. Periods? Oh yea. The clitoris? Bring it on.

Masturbation? Yes, please.

This isn’t your Chicken Soup for the Women’s Soul or an extra dose of Pamprin. This is a channel, for women, by women, to start a conversation. We want women to be happy and healthy.

Our names are Haena Kim and Lizzie Lane, two Gender and Health minors here on campus. We met two months ago in class over the question, “how can we make social change in response to stereotypes of women in the media?” A brilliant exec board and a couple of meetings at Charley’s later, What the F periodical has been labored over and birthed to inform you about issues our fathers like to uncomfortably dismiss as “women’s business.” This issue is a preview of what’s to come knocking every 28 days-- with a little room for worry. We’ll see you again in the fall.

So pull up your granny panties and make everyone a little uncomfortable with your untamed sexiness.

Much love,

P.S. Want to get involved? E-mail WhatTheFmag@umich.edu.

We would love your brilliant minds to write and create with us.

7OMAN OF THE -ONTH "OTHAINA +AMEL

F

or over a year now, we have been witnessing a wave of protests and demonstrations across countries such as Tunisia, Libya, Egypt, and Syria that have collectively become known as the “Arab Spring,” and these civil uprisings are igniting new conversations around gender and power within the Middle East. On March 8th (International Women’s Day), Egyptian activist Bothaina Kamel visited UM to discuss the role of women in the Egyptian revolution, as well as her recent decision to run for president of Egypt. Over 250 students, faculty, and Ann Arbor residents crowded into the auditorium at the UM Museum of Art where Kamel spoke, eager to learn more about how women are shaping the future of the Egyptian sociopolitical landscape through the eyes of someone who has been directly and extensively

involved with the protests.

Aside from being the first woman in history to make a bid for the Egyptian presidency, Kamel has enjoyed a career as a prominent news anchor since the late 1980’s, hosting a popular radio program in Egypt called “Nighttime Confessions,” as well as a TV show called “Please Understand Me.” Both shows were cancelled due to strong opposition from religious conservatives, as well as producers’ concerns that Kamel’s coverage of the Egyptian revolution was too controversial. A self-described social democrat who will be running as an independent in the presidential elections, Kamel has long been a strong proponent for women’s rights and an active leader in Egypt’s pro-democracy movement. She formed an election monitoring group in 2005 to encourage more transparency in Egyptian elections,

noting in her presentation the need for less corruption and more diversity in the Egyptian parliament, one where women currently hold less than 1 percent of the seats.

Kamel also emphasized the importance of Egypt’s younger generation in strengthening and sustaining the protests, which she says will be a crucial support in the movement towards gender equality. During her presentation, she played a series of videos depicting the experiences of various women involved in the demonstrations; one described the brutal sexual assault that she and her fellow female protesters endured while being held in prison by the Egyptian army. While these abuses – referred to as “virginity tests” by many of their perpetrators – have been widely recognized by the international community, army officials vehemently deny that they ever happened. Additionally, many women imprisoned for protesting are often arrested under the guise of “prostitution” and charged for crimes that they never even committed.

But while such harassment and corruption have no doubt hindered the efforts of the protesters to some degree, Kamel remains optimistic about Egypt’s future. For one, she notes that a coalition of local activists and Amnesty International representatives recently pressured Egypt’s military intelligence to pledge that they would eliminate “virginity tests” from Egypt’s prison Continued on page 21 $11,( '(9,1(

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Can’t stop. Won’t stop.

Ri·ot grrrls: n.pl.

1. Empowered female rockers of the 1990’s, taking after rock goddesses like Joan Jett.

2. A social movement centered on the alt-rock music scene which expounded the sentiment that women can be cute and sexy and all around feminine and still put a fight where their rights are concerned.

Women of the riot grrrl movement picked up guitars instead of flaming brassieres to show that music, particularly punk rock, was not a “boy’s club.” They were also forerunners in bringing more taboo issues like sexual assault, gender equality, and eating disorders into public discussion. Why is this relevant? Admittedly, there’s not too much of a “riot grrrl scene” today,

but the fastest way to feel great about yourself is to listen to a bunch of women who don’t give a sh*t about what the world thinks!

Don your pumped-up kicks and try:

“Rebel Girl” by Bikini Kill

While it is less profane than some of their other songs, the punk influence is quite apparent. Try listening as you go for a jog or are getting ready to give a presentationyou’ll feel like a total badass.

“Cool Schmmol” by Bratmobile No place to go on

a Saturday night? No prob, turn on this retro-punk-throwback and stop caring about who gets into all the “cool” parties.

“Get Out of My Head” by Heavens to Betsy

A break up song, or an unveiling on psychological abuse? You be the judge. Much like the band’s other songs, it makes punk sound like activism and urges women to not take anyone’s crap.

Not so into that whole “punk thing”? Try listening to:

“TKO” by Le Tigre An

electro-punk band formed by members of Bikini Kill.

Anything on the album Virtue by Emmy the Great

An adorable sort-of -folk-pop singer.

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.UDITY

Seeing nude in a different light

I

am nude as I write this, but I don’t feel naked.

I was afraid of my body for a long time.

In high school I wore nothing but black.

I heard somewhere that it was slimming.

My face in pictures now seems to me to be featureless; my eyes and nose and lips surrounded by puffy flesh, round and squishy. Double chinned. I seemed trapped within myself.

In front of the mirror after I shower, I look closely into my eyes and make my body disappear. Here it doesn’t seem so bad.

These pupils and irises are good enough.

I’m peeking out at a stranger. I try to look at my eyes while they look away to see what I look like when I’m not looking at myself.

I can’t. Without photographs, all we ever see in our glances is the look we give the reflection.

In 2007, the scale reads 320. I look into the mirror. I hate you.

Wouldn’t it be nice if this was rock bottom?

There’s nothing left.

The first real naked bodies I saw were those of my friends, skinny dipping in Lake Superior several years ago. I was afraid the entire walk down the beach. Away from observation and society. Here, on the edge of that freezing water and laughter, here lies Naked. I didn’t do it. I couldn’t.

I kept thinking of the way my thighs jiggle, or the stretch marks, or how I have darker hair on my chest than on my crotch, and how no one had ever seen me naked.

What were the first naked bodies you saw? I saw a flash of pubic hair, breasts, penises, torsos and legs and they jumped in like a great screaming beast. It submerged, expanding its consciousness to touch the water that stretched north.

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I was stretched too. Do you know how babies stare? The surface of their eyes somehow greater than everything else. They drink it. Drink to know. I drank. I was afraid. I came to decide that I was afraid of what I had awakened.

These were not erotic thoughts, but rather a great sensation that to know other bodies is a human thing. I felt inhuman.

In 2011 the scale reads 180. There are lines in my jaw. My legs are tree legs. My skin is loose. It spills onto surfaces. I lay on my side on the bed and it spreads out next to me. Skin hangs off my arms. I bat at it like a cat playing with yarn.

This body seems new. It seems old.

It reluctantly took me places before; it seems now to have no limits. I am under the iron, on the bicycle, sprinting up the hill, falling asleep sweaty and warm. I am still afraid.

The first time I get naked in plain sight, I am standing on a dock stretching into a freezing lake in Maine.

It is night, I am alone.

I feel the wind in spots on my belly and thighs that are new. It’s quiet and I sit down, feeling the coarse frame underneath. Strange, to feel the outside. Do it again.

Jump in the lake with us, they said. I said no. I went anyway.

When I jump in the lake my body is not. I left it somewhere hanging in the air above. Consciousness floating on a numbing wave. A week before we got here there was ice in the water, now all it’s got is me, and

by God, I’m alive. I’m alive and my body is gone. When I crawl onto the dock the night air feels hot because of the temperature difference. I scream.

I jump in again and again and again and again. Every day. The daylight. Alone. With people. I remember the first time I got naked in front of someone else. I felt like my body was nothing but clouds. I couldn’t see myself anymore.

Nakedness is power. Why? How? What is power?

Perhaps power is just bending a society.

Nakedness isn’t normal, which gives it power. I am told to live a certain way by numerous vectors – my liberal parents, the radio, the strangers I see walking down the street. Sensory inputs. Biologically, I’m built to adapt and fit in; to belong. We acquired this language because it was there, not because we wanted to. Power might be good, it might be bad.

What gave me such joy and perspective might have made others uncomfortable. Back on Lake Superior’s shores, I’m nodding my head.

My gut tells me this is universal. Women, men. I’m male writing in a women’s magazine because for all the wonderful differences we have, we’re all here presenting as walking talking bodies and we’ve got to deal with that. How can we reconcile the fact that no one will ever know what we are thinking?

Our bodies are tips of the iceburg – with them we touch the world. Portals of sense that lead to the mind.

We touch with our hands and feet until we understand, even if it’s just a little. *$51(7 %58(//

)¢M AFRAID TO !SK

1.

How do I know when I have a yeast infection?

A yeast infection is characterized by thick, white, odor-free vaginal discharge with a cottage cheese appearance, itching, redness, and swelling of the vulva. Most of the time, these symptoms can be treated by over-the-counter medicine, but you should see a doctor if a. this is the first time youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve had a yeast infection, b. youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re not sure if you actually have one, or c. the over-the-counter meds donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t work!

Most importantly, a yeast infection is NOT a sexually transmitted disease. It is very common: 3 out of 4 women experience them. And quite a few experience more than one in their lifetime. Long-term treatment is only necessary if you experience four or more in a year. Yeast infections can be caused by anything that throws off the pH and bacteria balance in your vagina.

Causes include pregnancy, anti-biotic use, an impaired immune system, and also things like douching. Interestingly enough, inadequate vaginal lubrication can also affect this balance. So lube up laaaaadies!

2.

Should I pee before, or after sex, to avoid urinary tract infections?

You know when a UTI hits South.

You canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t stop peeing and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s accompanied by a strong burning sensation that wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t let up. You might also notice that your urine is cloudy or unusually colored. Turns out, UTIs are not only annoying, but theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re caused

by E. coli bacteria. Women get UTIs more often than men because the female urethra is closer to the anus and bacteria can easily spread.

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So in order to prevent getting a UTI from sexual intercourse, which is not the only way you can get them, of course, pee after sex! If possible, drink a big glass of water to empty your bladder, and always wipe front to back--but I hope your mother taught you that already. Studies show that cranberry juice can also help prevent UTIs.

3.

How can I treat or avoid painful, ingrown hairs?

Ingrown hairs happen when shaved or plucked hair grows back into the skin. It is most common with curly hair, and thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s why most women experience them after shaving their pubic hair. When you pull skin taut and use a razor with more than one blade, the hair is pulled out by the first blade and then is cut by the second.

After this happens, the hair retracts back into the skin. As it grows, since the hair follicle is curved, the hair grows into the skin. Getting an occasional ingrown hair is no problem, but if the problem is chronic you might want to see a doctor. Prevention is key. Here are some steps to keep those pesky little buggers from happening: â&#x20AC;˘ Wet the hair with warm water â&#x20AC;˘ Avoid close shaves and consider using an electric razor â&#x20AC;˘ Use a lubricating shave gel â&#x20AC;˘ Use a sharp, single-blade razor â&#x20AC;˘ Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t pull your skin taut while shaving â&#x20AC;˘ Shave in the direction of hair growth â&#x20AC;˘ Rinse the blade after each stroke â&#x20AC;˘ Apply cool cloth to the area when youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re finished If you do all this and still get ingrown hairs, you can wash the area with a washcloth or softbristled toothbrush, in a circular motion, for a few minutes before shaving and at bedtime.

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%XERCISE &OR THE 2UNNING 2OOKIES

T

he idea to run a 5K started way back in January of this year when a New Year’s high resulted in a resolution to get back into shape. As with many New Year’s resolutions, it went to the wayside until one of my roommates proposed the Shamrock and Shenanigans 5K. I thought it’d be a great idea. A running rookie myself, I was at a loss as to how to begin my workouts.

Trying to start with a 5K as a first workout was a horrible failure. After that experience, I decided to try the basics: alternating running and walking a mile, gradually working up my endurance. My friends were my greatest motivation. Being able to see others working out and treating their bodies with respect was really encouraging.

Needless to say, I finished the

race! I wasn’t the fastest, but I haven’t felt that good about my body in a long time. Working out isn’t about how much weight you’re trying to lose, but about feeling good in your own body.

Getting started is the hardest part. A good first workout if you haven’t run in a while is to set a stopwatch and alternate running and walking every five minutes. This way you can get your heart rate up and feel comfortable about running.

Remember to bring your heart rate back down by walking after your workout for a couple of minutes.

Two apps that really helped me train were Couch to 5K and Nike Fit. Unlike Nike Fit, Couch to 5K is not free but it is totally worth it. There is a set workout plan that is nine weeks long, which as a beginner takes a

lot of the pressure off. Nike Fit has set workouts of different intensity, focusing on toning, cardio, etc.

If you’ve got your running shoes locked and loaded, here are two upcoming opportunities to strut your stuff: Feet and Friends, April 21, Dexter Feet and Friends offers a 5K and if you are a little more ambitious, an 8K race.

Live Like Andi, April 28, Novi Includes a 5K, 10K, and a 10 mile.

Running Fit Trail Races, April 2829, Pinckney 5, 13.1, and 26.2 mile races, as well as a 50k (5,.$ /$=$5

/RIGIN OF THE 7ORD Dildo: noun, pejorative, and

friend to many. Although its origins are murky, a few stories propose a past for the word that seems to be older than Dildo Baggins himself.

Its first appearance is attributed to Elizabethan playwright and satirist Thomas Nashe in 1593. Nashe wrote a private piece for friends called “Choise of Valentines or the Merie Ballad of Nash his Dilldo,” which involves a brothel employee who decided to be pro-active when her partner was too quick to finish: “My little dilldo shall suply their

kinde / A knave, that moves as light as leaves by winde / That bendeth not, nor fouldeth anie deale / But stands as stiff as he were made of steele” I wish I understood what that meant. But etymologically speaking, the term is supposedly a 16th century derivative (or a “corruption,” according to Webster) of the Italian word deletto meaning “delight.”

Dildo didn’t always have a sexual rep, however. In what sounds like a Ron Burgundy quote, “dildo” also used to refer to the phallus-shaped

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peg that would be inserted into the side of a small boat to hold its oars in place. How fitting. This is certainly how the boater-crazy island of Dildo in Newfoundland, Canada received its name.

Other sources claim that “dildo” was also used in the 19th and early 20th centuries as a simple nonsense word for ballads and plays. Whatever you choose to believe, we can’t say for sure where it came from; but we sure know where it’s going.

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&OOD ) SMELL 3EX AND /YSTERS

L

ong before the â&#x20AC;&#x153;little blue pillâ&#x20AC;? and other performanceenhancing pharmaceuticals hit the market, folks craving a sexy-time boost looked to Mother Nature for natural, edible aphrodisiacs.

The word stems, of course, from the Greek goddess of love, desire, and beauty Aphrodite. Though aphrodisiac foods are more commonly thought of as a gimmick today, and love potions are best left to Lavender Brown, clichĂŠd phrases like â&#x20AC;&#x153;spice up your love life,â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;feed the flames of love,â&#x20AC;? and â&#x20AC;&#x153;good sexual appetiteâ&#x20AC;? all indicate that food might have something to do with libido. Whether placebo or panacea, research indicates that these 5 â&#x20AC;&#x153;foods of loveâ&#x20AC;? are your best bet:

Asparagus Less sweet but just as savory, asparagus has also been associated with sex-enhancement. The vegetable increases the production of histamines in the body, which are required for climax in both males and females.

Almonds Another friend of sex, almonds supposedly possess an aroma that is very appealing to females and can stimulate arousal. Try introducing some almond scented massage oil during your next bedroom businesstime.

Oysters For those who can bear the peculiar texture of oysters: these slippery mollusks are packed with zinc, which has been found to improve libido and give you your own... slippery... mollusk.

Caffeine Chocolate Not only is it an instant mouthgasm, but it contains substances that increase the release of neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine. These hormones mediate feelings of euphoria and satisfaction, which together create a well-balanced mood--setting the scene for romance.

Finally, caffeine boosts energy levels and stimulates blood flow throught the body, including flow to the sex organs. Try a shot of espresso or a cup of coffee before sex or selflove and be the judge.

Who would have guessed seven almonds a day not only keep the doctor away, but keep your lover coming back also? A great topping on a salad or sundae, theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re easy to

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incorporate into your daily life.

And for those not particularly thrilled with asparagus, try frying them up with freshly squeezed orange juice and drizzling them with honey for a tangy twist to a healthy green. While some are skeptical of the power of aphrodisiacs, it canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t hurt to try...just donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t shoot the messenger if youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re unsatisfied!

So whether you and your partner(s) decide to indulge in a fountain of chocolate fondue or cozy up with a tray of steaming oysters, try some of these unusual options and find out just what kind thrill they add to your blanket drill.

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(ANGOVER #URES

Make your Sunday mornings productive

S

o what exactly causes a hangover? There are two main reasons: First of all, alcohol is a diuretic.

That’s a scientific way of describing why you have to excuse yourself for the hundredth time at a bar; it makes you pee a shitton. Also, when your liver begins to process alcohol (ethanol) a reaction occurs that produces acetaldehyde, also known as ethanal. This is actually 10 to 30 times more toxic to your body than alcohol itself. A chain is sparked which essentially begins to shut down the liver. In order for the liver to heal itself it must use up an organic acid (pyruvate) usually reserved for maintaining glucose levels in the blood.

Glucose is one of the main sources of energy to the brain, so no wonder you feel tired and sort of stupid after that rager last night! Here are some hangover cures you might not have known about.

1.

Stop with the pills!

Ease up on the aspirin, Tylenol, and Ibuprofen.

Aspirin is a blood thinner. Like alcohol, it can actually intensify the hangover. Tylenol’s active ingredient, acetaminophen, is the largest cause of liver failure in the US, and ibuprofen coupled with heavy drinking can cause stomach bleeding.

2.

Pickles.

Crunchy and fun to snack on, these cucumbers are fermented in open air brine until they’re shipped off and sent to the stores around you. Brine is full of electrolytes making pickles, or pickle juice, a great hangover buster. But careful, one large dill pickle already has 70% of an adult’s suggested daily sodium intake.

3.

Egg yolks.

Egg yolk contains B12, B6, selenium, and vitamins A, D and E. Eggs also have cysteine which actively go after the toxin, ethanal, which causes the hangover. Many believe that nutritional benefits of egg yolk far outweigh the harm caused by its cholesterol.

Think again next time you order that egg-white bagel or omelette.

4.

Antioxidants are your friend.

Reach for anything high in antioxidants such as ginger, lemon, strawberries, blueberries, any berries, sunflower seeds, or guava (the antioxidant super food) to help you.

5.

Bananas and fruits in general.

If you’ve got a blender, just throw in all the fruits you have and blend it up for a hangover panacea. Fruits contain important vitamins and minerals, but they also have fruit sugars, fruntose, which will help raise your overall blood sugar levels.

Remember, the best thing for recovery is rest. Even if it’s just for half an hour, sleeping will help your body repair the damage done by drinking. And lastly, hangovers don’t even need to be part of the equation.

Just keep hydrated while you’re drinking and don’t drink on an empty stomach. $1,7$ 67521*:81

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'IRL An imitation of Jamaica Kincaid’s “Girl”

A

pply one coat of mascara for the day and two coats for the night. Black and brown do not match, red does not match anything. Be tan, but do not wrinkle with age. Tumble dry clothes on low heat for sixty minutes unless otherwise directed. If you don’t fold dry clothes right away, this is how to spray them and dry again. Drink a glass of water before every meal to curb your appetite. Raise your hand in class but do not talk too much. This is how to dab the grease off of a slice of pepperoni pizza with a napkin. This is how to chew with your mouth closed.

When arguing with men, back down like a lady, not like the opinionated bitch you are so keen on becoming. This is how you laugh at a joke that isn’t funny. This is how you laugh at a joke that is somewhat funny. This is how you laugh at a joke that is very funny. This is how to put on pantyhose without a tear.

Smile when meeting new people, do not converse like the opinionated

bitch you are so keen on becoming.

Drink warm water with a lemon or lime when your throat is sore.

This is how you will talk to your husband. This is how you will talk to your ex-husband. This is how you will talk to your husband’s ex-wife.

This is how you will talk to your exhusband’s new wife. But I don’t think I want to get married. This is how to raise a child. This is how to raise a star athlete. This is how to raise a loner. This is how to raise yourself.

But I don’t think I want children.

This is how to love a friend. This is how to love a man. This is how to know the difference. This is how to spin a pencil in your fingers. This is how to squat in a public restroom.

Do not talk about menstruation. Do not tell dirty jokes, you are not a boy you know. Do not contest a man’s dirty jokes like the opinionated bitch you are so keen on becoming.

Do not pursue a man, have sex, or masturbate, but you better be experienced.

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Read the books your father gives you. Save all of his letters while he is away. Answer his calls. This is how to boil water. This is how to prepare leftovers to bring to a potluck.

Always thank the officer when he does not give you a ticket. But what if he gives me the ticket? You mean to say after all this you are really going to be the kind of woman who can’t get out of a speeding ticket? &+,$5$ 6(:$5'

7OMENSTRUATION

Periods, shame, and little red dots

I

take a red marker and color in a little red corner on my calendar by the bed every month.

Or, almost every month – I think at this point it’s finally settled down to every 28 days. I learned during fifth grade sex-ed, sitting together with all the little girls in class, that this was how we could prevent certain ‘surprises’ in our underwear.

Since then I’ve made good use of this tip that a school principal once told to a dorky girl with glasses – who didn’t even knew what a sanitary napkin was (an anti-bacterial wipe?).

Right now, on the top left corner of the date box like a dogeared book, is my red corner. It is perched there proudly on that top left corner of things to do for that day: “Hand in response paper,” “advising apt 3:00,” “Don’t forget Meeting! @ 8:00.” The funny thing is that I used to be embarrassed about making that red mark on my calendar. When I was younger, I could only bring myself to write “period” in the smallest teeny tiny letters – so that it would only be legible if you had a magnifying glass (or if you were me and knew what those blob of letters meant). If, godforbid, I was at school or something I’d discreetly make a little invisible mark in my diary, in code: “.” The whole time I’d be looking over my shoulders like someone would jump up pointing at me and my little diary “OH MY GOD, EVERYBODY, THIS GIRL IS ON HER PERIOD, RIGHT

NOW!” In fact, I was so ashamed and shy about it, that this red dot on my calendar used to be black.

But the thing is, I think I still feel that way a little bit. If my friends invite me to the pool while I’m on my period the answer isn’t, “Nah, I’m on my period.” but “Oh, well how

about next week, my stomach sort of hurts today…” or “I don’t know, I’m just not feeling it right now.” (By the way, did you know that blood isn’t released when underwater because of water pressure?) There’s just a little bit of that dorky girl left, still embarrassed that someone might know her body is releasing around 2 tablespoons of blood over the next 3 to 8 days.

Imagine my surprise, when I learned in Psychology of Women (Psych291) that actually, people do tend to look down on you if you’re “found out” to be having your period. The study, done by Roberts, Goldenberg, Power & Pyszczynski 2002, involved a woman in a workgroup setting ‘accidentally’ dropping either a hairclip or a tampon

from her purse on the way to the restroom. What was discovered was that participants across the board graded the woman lower on both competence and likability when she dropped the tampon. Somewhere along the way, before I knew what a sanitary napkin was, I had learned that my period was better hidden away from others. But what I figure now, is that quite simply, hiding or concealing it certifies the shameful stigma surrounding periods. When really, if over half the human population is doing it, shouldn’t it be a beautiful, natural, and unifying force?

Nowadays, I feel like I don’t want to wait to be ‘found out’ or ‘discovered,’ as if I’m hiding something shameful, stolen, that doesn’t belong to me. Because my period and everything involved in making my period belongs to me.

That’s right, that’s my junk and I’m proud of it. And maybe someday the same study just won’t be valid anymore, that woman won’t scurry in shame to hide the tampon she drops, I won’t lie to avoid saying I’m on my period, and a little dorky girl somewhere will start off with a big red PERIOD on her calendar instead of a scared little dot. +$(1$ .,0

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“But I think the first real change in women’s body image came when JLo turned it butt-style.

That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom – Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular thighs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful.

Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyoncé and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must

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have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits.

The person closet to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling.”

4HE 'REAT "IRTH #ONTROL $EBATE What’s the deal in the White House?

I

f you’ve been paying attention to politics lately, you’ve probably heard quite a lot about the Women’s Health Care Reform and the controversy revolving around it.

If you haven’t, keep reading because I’m about to fill up your diva cup with the issues at stake.

This past summer, the Obama administration introduced a reform regarding women’s health care under the Affordable Care Act that would require all employers and health insurance companies to cover the cost of birth control without any co-pay, in an effort to make birth control more affordable and accessible to women. This health reform is to go into effect in August of this year.

Supporters of the reform argue that birth control is a fundamental women’s health right. The mandate will benefit women by providing access to affordable, accessible, and

reliable contraceptives to those who otherwise might not be able to afford it. Because 99% of women use birth control at some point in their lives, including for medical reasons other than family planning, they argue that it makes sense for this basic preventative care to be covered by insurance.

Many Catholics and nonCatholics alike argue that the government is interefering with religious freedom when they should be protecting this American right.

On this side, the controversy is less about birth control and more about religious liberty that is being taken away with a mandate that violates a core religious belief. Because the law requires all employers to cover the cost of contraceptives, those not in favor of the reform, especially Catholic hospitals, argue that Catholic employers should not be forced to cover birth control

since their official Catholic doctrine does not support it. To counter this defense, Obama recently edited the reform so that “religiously affiliated organizations such as Catholic charities, schools, universities or hospitals can refuse to provide contraceptive coverage through their insurance plans for employees. In such cases, employers’ insurance companies must offer coverage to female employees directly, without charging additional premiums.”

This amendment pleased several Catholic leaders, but many remain skeptical about hidden costs in the form of higher premiums, and many other feel that the amendment or “conscience clause” should expand to include any faith-based employer who is not religiously affiliated, but is morally opposed to providing birth Continued on page 21

-(1 63($56

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Why can childbirth be so damn painful?

D

o you remember the first time you saw, in graphic clarity, a woman giving birth?

It began like any other high school health class. The overweight gym teacher fumbled with the archaic VHS, the lights went out, and the room fell silent. On the projector screen, “The Miracle of Birth” lingered for a fleeting moment before the footage of a panting mother filled the screen. “Breath in and out… in and out…” directed the

father, while the doctor reassured, “You’re doing great, Moreen, just one more biiiiig push.” With that, the screen panned down to directly in between the woman’s legs. A baby’s head, bulbous, moist, and already sprouting hair, was forcing its way through her vagina. The entire 2nd period high school health class groaned in disgust while the mother’s moans turned to shrieks.

For four endless minutes we watched the baby navigate its way through the mother’s birth canal to enter the world. There was snickering by all, and one boy shouted, “What a MILF!” causing the classroom to erupt in laughter. The video ended showing the sweaty, worn-out mother cradling her new, clean baby and smiling down on him peacefully.

When I look back on that video today, I pick up on details I hadn’t noticed before. I remember the fear in the mother’s eyes and the big “O” her mouth made as she took shallow breaths. Her moaning still resounds in my memory and I wonder to myself, why must childbirth be so damn painful? Turns out, there are quite a few reasons for why birth involves an experience of excruciating labor.

From a psychiatric standpoint, the pain of childbirth is an evolutionary adaptation encouraging women to seek assistance during labor. Due to the unique orientation of the female pelvic bone, the baby must come out head first and facing in the opposite direction of the mother, in the “occiput anterior” position. Assistance, though rare

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in the animal kingdom, is thus necessary for successful human delivery. Monkeys, whose babies are born facing forward, reach below to guide the newborns out of the birth canal and toward the nipples. If human mothers attempted the same kind of maneuver, they would risk bending the baby’s back and causing injury to its spinal cord. That’s why at the first onset of pain, expecting mothers from all countries and walks of life enlist help from spouses and mothers, midwives, obstetricians, and trusted friends.

The need for assistance, however, does not explain how labor pain originated, a pain many mothers young and old describe as “the worst pain you’ll ever experience in your life.”

For an evolutionary perspective, let’s go back in time to when humans were experiencing a dramatic growth in brain size. Between 2 million and 100,000 years ago, the human brain increased in size by almost 150%, and pelvic shape evolved in response. Strong evolutionary selection for larger and larger brain sizes, however, was opposed by the physical restrictions of a bipedal bone structure. In order to stand and walk on two legs, the pelvic bones must remain narrow; therefore, human evolution encountered a conflict of interests which one anthropologist famously dubbed in 1960 the “obstetrical dilemma.” Due to these unfortunate circumstances, Continued on page 21 .$7( 8&.(/(

VAJA

Open lectures, cheap dates, movies, and events in A2

Lectures:

Movies:

Events:

My Career and Title IX: Wed., April 18th, 3:00-4:30 p.m.

Annenberg Room, Gerald R. Ford School of Public Policy

Clubs and Bars:

Spring Fest Tues., April 17th, 9:00 a.m. -10:00 p.m.

North Campus Diag

Penny Stamps Distinguished Speaker Series Every Thursday, 5:10 p.m.

Michigan Theater

The Lenore Marwil Jewish Film Festival Sun., April 29th -Thurs., May 3rd Michigan Theater Soul Night First Friday of every month, 9:30 p.m.

The Blind Pig

PhotoVoice: Disasters through Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Lenses March 8th - the end of April International Instituteâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Gallery space

Lavender Graduation Thursday April 26th, 4:30-6:30 p.m.

Kuenzel Room, Michigan Union

!RT !NALYSIS

W

hen I first opened Sally Mannâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s book At Twelve, I felt like I had stumbled into a diamond mine. Turning the pages of photographs was an experience equivalent to listening to a CD when every single song is your favorite. Not only did the technical brilliance of each photograph speak to me, but so did the eerily accurate feelings of anxiety and uncertainty in young women. These are not photographs of girls who sleep well at night, and if they do, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not without a prayer before they go to bed.

At Twelve is a collection of photographs of 12 year old girls in their home environment. Some photographs show the girls alone: sitting on the hood of a car, or playing with a rope in the backyard. Others show the girls with members of their family: shadowy looking fathers, or distant mothers. The motif of each photograph, however, is the same. There is a tension that suggests an age and maturity greater than that of 12 years old. Similarly, this theme is also seen in Mannâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s later book Immediate Family, in which she photographed her own children in revealing and provocative poses.

The contradiction of the innocence of an age paired with an ominous, and sometimes sexual nature, goes to show that perhaps adolescence may be more complicated, and hold more complexities, than our society has accepted.

(5,&$ 0&785.

Sally Mann, Unititled, At Twelve Series (Juliet in the White Chair, Plate 16), 1983-1985 3KRWR 6HH 6RXUFHV

#OSMO 5PDATE

1.

“Megan Fox Naughty or Nice?

You Decide...”

2.

“My Gyno Talked to My Vagina” and Other Doc Shockers

Meg Fox the sexpot has gone all comedic on us in her new flick “Friends With Kids,” alongside funnyman Adam Scott. Oh no, whatever will we do? Well, we will go see this movie and only then find the answer to the question we have been asking ourselves each morning, “Is Megan Fox “naughty or nice?” Bad girl or hopeless romantic? From what Meg dished out to Cosmo, she’s a sobbing married woman who gets up at the crack of dawn to make her husband coffee before work... So we guess this makes her nice? Or just a dumbass who needs to get some sleep and stick to her “Ancient Alien” shows.

It’s awkward enough when creepy guys try to talk to you, but even worse when they try talking to your vagina. The solution to this problem is simple. Get rid of him by going to the bathroom and claiming you have diarrhea. But what do you do when that creepy guy talking to your hoo-ha is your gyno who looks like Mr. Rogers or acts like Menopause-a-saurus Rex? Avid Cosmo readers who ended up feeling violated and pissed off after what they expected to be typical (a.k.a. weird, but not this weird) pap smear tests sent in gyno horror stories. To prevent situations like these: Change docs immediately, and report them for harassment. No woman should feel any more discomfort than from the metal thing (speculum) they insist on shoving up your Lady Jane. Lady Jane doesn’t deserve that, and you shouldn’t tolerate it.

3.

“Do Women Wrestlers Know Something We Don’t?”

Besides knowing how to roll with the punches, get their swagger on, be tough but tender, not let their guard down, and laugh at themselves, we’d bet these ladies know a little about being exploited. Guess that one didn’t make the list.

4.

“One Kind of Sex You Should Never Have with Him”

Apparently, the answer is angry sex. Alternative ways to release your rage? Cosmo suggests shopping, drinking, getting a massage, and defriending an obnoxious Facebook friend which are, of course, very emotionally and physically healthy options.

Our suggestion is a little more old-fashioned: communication.

5.

“The Red-Hot Read”

“Fiercely independent” protagonist Molly Alexander is, like her creator, a romance novelist.

After being the victim of a mysterious kidnapping attempt, she is saved by a mercenary named Dare Macintosh. Dare, worried about the trauma Molly has been through, keeps his distance. Soon, however, she manages to seduce him with lines like, “I’ve never wanted anyone more than I do right now” and “You’re even bigger than I imagined.” We couldn’t make this shit up. .(/&,( -,0(1(= DQG 2/,9,$ 3267(//,

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0RAYNG FOR 3YPHILIS A voice from under the sheets

I

first noticed the uncomfortable feeling in my nether regions while walking to class. So naturally, as soon as I got home, I grabbed my hand mirror and yanked off my pants. That’s when I saw it—a little opulent, pearly colored sore inside of me that hurt when I touched it. I’m not stupid, I know what herpes is, so I took to the Internet and prayed for syphilis. Or any other curable STD for that matter. Just please God, not herpes.

I made a doctor’s appointment at a clinic, and sat with my vagina in some stranger’s face as she inspected the sore. She was convinced it wasn’t herpes; she said I might just have a chancre sore down there. A chancre sore! She rushed through the exam, not caring that I was lying on the table crying, in pain, as she “swabbed” me with two Q-tips that felt more like needles.

She then shoved a speculum inside me, with no care or ease, to finish the exam. She did not try to comfort me, or take any precaution even though she knew I was in pain and really fucking freaked out. I composed myself, she assured me it wasn’t herpes, and I left with a million unanswered questions. I have never felt so degraded in my entire life.

Over the next few days, more sores popped up and the pain was awful. It burned with the fire of a thousand suns every time I pissed and I swear people had to know by the way I was walking. I was so horrified after the first doctor’s visit that I made an appointment with a

real gynecologist for the next day.

That morning, the first doctor called and said in a surprised, yet sort of jovial tone, “Turns out you do have herpes!” I hung up after not so politely informing her that I would get the help I needed from another doctor.

On a side note, I should probably mention that I contracted this disease from my boyfriend (now exboyfriend) of three years. It felt like my entire world had just imploded.

The good news is that not all doctors are self-involved assholes who don’t care about their patients.

My second doctor performed an exam that was almost pain free, and talked with me for over an hour about options, support, and how to manage this little reoccurring ray of sunshine. It was there and then that I realized how important GOOD women’s health care is. If I had stuck with the first doctor, I would have felt like a slutty leper for the rest of my life.

My roommates, and even my mother, were so supportive through all of this, but I was still plagued with fears of the future. Love, sex, and relationships go hand in hand.

I was a sexual outcast; how could anyone ever want me again? Why would anyone risk getting herpes, just to have sex with me? I felt this way for a while, but then I mustered up the courage to tell a guy about it.

He was a complete sweetheart. We had sex, with a condom of course, and it was like all the doors I thought were closed reopened. No lasting, romantic bond came out of this, but I will always be grateful to him for showing me that I’m not undesirable just because of my STD. I’ve spent the majority of my sexually active life living in fear of STDs and judging people that have them. Well, surprise surprise, people with STDs are just normal people. We go to parties, ride bikes, have sex, and live just like everyone else. There’s always going to be that jackass who makes a token herpes joke at a party, and it stings a little.

But eventually you get over the small-minded people and realize that having herpes, or any STD, is a very small part of who you are. ,9$1$ +$33<&22&+

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#ONTINUED 7OMAN OF THE -ONTH "OTHAINA +AMEL

Continued from page 2 system. Kamel maintains that this type of progress is a crucial step towards gender equality in Egypt, which is intrinsically connected to the success of the protesters. As she puts it: â&#x20AC;&#x153;When the revolution is victorious, there will be a female president.â&#x20AC;? Indeed, as the Arab world moves into a new era of social and political reform, a passionate woman like Bothaina Kamel may be the very type of president that Egypt needs. $11,( '(9,1(

4HE 'REAT "IRTH CONTROL $EBATE

Continued from page 16 control coverage. This viewpoint was outlined in the Blunt Amendment named after Republican Senator Roy Blunt. The amendment allows any employer to opt out of coverage if they have moral objections, not just on contraceptives but any health service included in the Affordable Care Act. The Senate killed this amendment in a narrow 51-48 vote on March 1st, saying that it was too vague and provided a blueprint for any employer to deny healthcare coverage to employees.

Whether religious or nonreligious, overall feelings on the reform vary; polls show very split opinions. Womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rights activists and most liberals fully support the reform and see it as a victory in womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s health care. Others argue that involving the government in reproductive issues never ends well.

The law will be effective on August 1, 2012, but the Obama Administration is still seeking a compromise between original supporters and opponents; more admendments may

be proposed in the next couple of months.

-(1 63($56

,ABOR 0AINS

Continued from page 17 evolution gave women the short end of the stick. While female pelvises are maximized to allow for a disproportionally large human cranium, they simultaneously remain narrow enough to maximize speed and agility on two legs. The tradeoff is inevitable: pain, the rip your hair out and hurl kind of pain.

With the average infant head, about 10 centimeters in diameter, being only a few centimeters smaller than the average pelvic opening (about 13 centimeters at its largest), it is no wonder that human childbirth is such a long and pain-inducing process. One anthropologist even went so far as to call it one of the â&#x20AC;&#x153;scars of human evolution.â&#x20AC;? True, evolution hasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t given us optimal conditions for popping out a baby, but not all women would consider it a â&#x20AC;&#x153;scar.â&#x20AC;?

Making it through the pain can be empowering.

Although we women may be â&#x20AC;&#x153;stuckâ&#x20AC;? with this evolutionary pain, modern medicine has come up with many ways of alleviating it. Trends in epidurals and caesarian sections are rising in hospital deliveries each year.

In fact, the United States has one of the highest rates of caesarean section surgeries at over 30%. This cultural change in what is deemed â&#x20AC;&#x153;normalâ&#x20AC;? assistance during childbirth has prompted much interest in the future of delivery. Will brain size continue to grow now that the limitations of pelvic diameter are taken off the

table? And if so, could vaginal birth become a long-forgotten remnant of the past? Obviously, this hypothetical situation will not play out within the next twenty years next twenty years when women like you and I plan to have babies. Our generation is comprised of key players that may shape the evolution of childbirth.

When I look back now on when my health class watched â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Miracle of Childbirth,â&#x20AC;? I canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help but remember the immature high school reaction of shock and awe. We were mesmerized by the whole thing-- the panting mother, the emerging baby, the sweat, the pain, and especially, the love that conquered all. And when it was all over we turned to each other and whispered with wide eyes and a smirk, â&#x20AC;&#x153;How does it fit through there?â&#x20AC;? Little did we know, this wisecracking question lies at the very core of the videoâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s title and that, though labor-intensive, childbirth is truly miraculous. .$7( 8&.(/(

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