Journeys with Tasting Change - Jackie's Story

JOURNEYS WITH TASTING CHANGE

JACKIE'S STORY Case Study Kirsty Frankland

Journeys with Tasting Change is a series of case studies charting the progress of individuals who have been involved in the project for a significant period of time. The case studies seek to document each individual's journey through the project and aim to highlight, from the participants perspective, how Tasting Change has impacted on their lives.

TASTING CHANGE A multi-agency partnership project Supported by the European Social Fund and the Scottish Government, Tasting Change is a multiagency partnership project set up to tackle issues of food insecurity in Wester Hailes.

The five main organisations involved in this innovative cross-sector partnership include Prospect Community Housing, The Health Agency, Chai, WHALE Arts and SCOREscotland.

Each organisation has taken a different approach to address the issue of food insecurity. Taking the view that food insecurity is a problem that extends well beyond nutrition and as such, a combined effort on multiple fronts is more likely to result in sustainable solutions.

“Tasting Change aims to develop and deliver community-led solutions to food insecurity that strengthen community connections with an emphasis on dignity and sustainability.”

Prospect Community Housing

“If it wasn't for Stacey (the Tasting Change coordinator) I wouldn't have come here.”

PART ONE Jackie's involvement with the Project Jackie found out about Tasting Change when she went to an event at the Job Centre in Wester Hailes and met Stacy, the Tasting Change coordinator. Stacey told her about the art group Let's Create (formerly known as Play with your Food) and encouraged her to go along.

Jackie went to her first session in April 2018 at WHALE Arts and has attended regularly throughout the project.

After gaining confidence through the Let's Create group Jackie started volunteering at various Tasting Change events.

Jackie was referred to CHAI for support with benefits, issues surrounding housing and rent and support with both applications and appeals for Employment Support Allowance (ESA) and Personal Independence Payment (PIP). She has attended numerous support sessions with Shasika and other members of the team at CHAI. Jackie was also referred to SCOREscotland for advice on energy efficiency within her home and received a grant to get carpets laid in her flat.

Since joining the Let's Create group, Jackie has made many new friendships and her confidence has continued to grow. She has joined Stitching Time, a group run by WHALE Arts and has become a member of Mums into Business, another group established as part of the Create strand of the Tasting Change project.

“I think Ive got more confidence, more confidence in myself, just to do things that I don't normally do.”

PART TWO A little bit about Jackie

Originally from Muirhouse Jackie who is now in her 50's, has lived in Wester Hailes for 20 years One of six children, she herself has two children and four grandchildren. She is close to her son who lives locally but does not have frequent contact with her daughter and grandchildren.

Jackie has problems with her physical mobility and struggles with mental ill health. She has restless leg syndrome which causes frequent cramps in her lower legs and severe back pain.

She also suffers from anxiety, depression and panic attacks due in part to the significant trauma, including rape, domestic violence and psychological abuse. which she has experienced in her life.

“My mind's no old but my body is. It's really frustrating knowing I can't do all what I used to do.”

The effects of these traumatic events have been further compounded by the loss of supportive figures at key points in Jackie's life. Jackie's grandmother died shortly after her son was born and she lost her mother the following year. In the last 5 years, Jackie has lost both her brother and her sister who Jackie cared for until she died.

Jackie's physical and mental health problems have severely impacted her ability to work leaving her reliant on benefits and often in a state of financial crisis.

Jackie came to the Tasting Change project living with the harsh reality of food insecurity, often faced with the choice of feeding herself or heating her home and struggling with feelings of loss isolation and depression.

PART THREE Jackie's Journey

I met Jackie in my first session as the new facilitator of the Let's Create group. There were two ladies in the group at that time, Jackie and Sam who had both been part of the group since it started in March 2018.

I was struck by how kind, helpful and welcoming they were towards me and also how quickly they opened up, talking freely about deeply personal issues and their struggles with physical and mental ill health.

In the first sessions, we explored what sorts of creative activities the ladies would like to do and how best to structure the sessions. Previously the group had made soup together, made artworks with food and shared a meal at the end.

Sharing a meal with the group was very important to Jackie but both ladies were keen to explore other art activities and less interested in actually making food or making art with food.

Together we decided to change the name of the group from Play with your Food to Let's Create.

Both ladies felt the original name to be a bit childish and somewhat inappropriate within the context of food insecurity, Jackie was particularly pleased to be involved in the decision-making process which later transpired to be crucial in imparting a sense of ownership of the group.

In the early sessions, the themes of fear and anxiety seemed predominant. I noted a marked tension between Jackie and Sam with both

“If we get more involved in the club it make us more able to come to the club we're more involved in it.”

ladies appearing to vie for my attention, frequently interrupting and talking over each other.

Within a few weeks, however, the dynamic had changed dramatically, the ladies developed a close bond and took time both listening to and supporting each other.

It became clear early on that Jackie was in need of more support both financial, emotional and in relation to mental wellbeing. It was also apparent that Jackie was unlikely to seek out help for herself, due in part to a fear of authority figures, a lack of self-confidence and being unsure where or to whom to turn for help.

I referred Jackie to Sha from CHAI, for help with financial issues and she set up a meeting with Jackie at WHALE Arts, a place Jackie new and was comfortable coming to on her own.

I set up and accompanied Jackie to a first appointment at the Health Agency to discuss options including counselling which she signed up for.

Over the next few weeks we engaged in a range of activities including gardening - we took a small plot in the garden to plant lettuces, painting with coffee and decorating ceramic bowls.

Although initially sceptical about working outside, stating that she had no interest in gardening, Jackie took to it quickly and was thrilled that her lettuces seemed to grow much quicker than anyone else's.

A real sense of camaraderie developed between the two group members who seemed to enjoy the mix of creative activity and time outdoors.

“It got me out to start, then I came and kept going and now I don't want to miss it.”

When a new lady joined the group, the two original members, having formed a close bond, were anxious about how she would fit in. Despite this Jackie welcomed her warmly and shared her own experiences of depression which was a great comfort to the new lady with battles with depression herself.

We moved from simple easily controlled activities to a more fluid less structured session on abstract painting. I was not sure how the group would react to this but Jackie seemed to flourish within a less structured environment.

Jackie launched herself into the work creating image after image and using a wide range of techniques. She was not particularly focused on the end result which enabled her to get deeply into the process, however, she was both excited and surprised by some of the images she produced.

We moved on to using tie-dye and shibori dying techniques. Again Jackie worked very quickly and became absorbed in the process. She reflected in a later session that the tie-dye and shibori session was definitely one of her favourites.

Jackie took some of the spare T-shirts, T-towels and fabric dye home and continued to work with this technique and develop her skills outside of the group.

While Jackie self-confidence seemed to grow rapidly within the group, difficulties with her physical and mental health continued to trouble her. She hurt her shoulder, began experiencing chest pains, breathlessness and increased trouble with her leg.

“A big part of the attraction was the mystery - not knowing what sort of pattern or image would emerge.”

Over the summer months, we worked exclusively outside and went on trips to the beach and a local cafe. The Beach trip was a highlight for Jackie who said she had not been to the beach in 20 years.

The ladies collected shells and stones which they used in later session to create mosaics. Despite Jackie claiming that she was not good at patterns, she spent time mixing paint with the grout to create a fabulous mosaic which in the end she was incredibly proud of.

At the end of the summer, Jackie had the confidence to join another group, with Sam, alongside Let's Create. She had also begun volunteering at some of the Tasting Change events.

What did you like most about the beach?

“The thrill of finding things and not knowing what I might find, the unknown and the wonders of nature.”

Jackie's struggles with anxiety, her physical problems and financial difficulties continued throughout the summer. Her benefits were stopped and she went without heating for weeks as she had no money for gas and often skipped meals.

Jackie missed a number of sessions due to being too anxious or breathless to come out. In the sessions she did attend, she seemed more withdrawn and physically weaker, a likely result of being undernourished.

Jackie had another session with Sha from CHAI and her benefits were reinstated shortly after.

This had a huge impact on her mental wellbeing which was evident by her cheerful interaction with other group members After the summer we had a number of new members join the group, which grew rapidly from three ladies to nine in the space of just over a month.

“I loved the tie-die and being outside in the summer doing the painting,”

This altered the group dynamic considerably causing tension between some members. Jackie however, reacted warmly to each new member, taking a neutral position when issues arose and seemed keen to be on good terms with everyone in the group.

Having joined the Stitching time group with Sam as well as Let's Create, Jackie was now working on a range of projects at home, Trying out numerous techniques including sewing, knitting and tie-dye.

I encouraged Jackie to join the Mums into Business group as her work was unique, creative and sellable. She was reluctant, claiming she had no confidence nor any idea about business but she did keep working on her own projects.

Left: Jackies pompom rug

Below: Making soap

Within the group, we worked on a range of new activities including candle making, soap making, pottery and decoupage. We also revisited some of the previous activities such as mosaics.

Jackie embraced each activity, always willing to try new things, As usual, she worked quickly, more focused on the process than the end result often making multiple pieces in a single session.

Jackie did not enjoy the second mosaic activity.

She struggled to focus in the session and said she didn't like her piece and didn't even want to look at it. The uneven grout effect which had worked so well in her first mosaic with shells did not, she thought, look as good with tiles. Despite encouragement from other members, one of whom claimed that Jackie's mosaic was her favourite, Jackie did not seem at all happy and later disclosed that she had been for her ESA

(Employment Support Allowance) assessment which had caused severe anxiety and left her worried about her financial security with the possibility she will lose this benefit.

The run-up to Christmas was a challenging time for Jackie. She failed her ESA assessment, had her benefits stopped and was again left with no money, no food and no electricity or gas. She had another assessment for her PIP (Personal Independence Payment) which again caused her severe anxiety.

I made sure to bring extra ingredients each week so Jackie could take some to cook at home. I offered her vouchers for the food bank, which she didn't want as it was difficult for her to carry the food home. I also said I could pick up emergency food boxes for her if she needed and she assured me she would let me know.

The other group members, particularly Sam, were very supportive offering help, advice and comfort.

Jackie seemed greatly cheered by their efforts. I offered to write Jane a letter in support of her appeal for ESA Allowance and arranged more sessions with Sha from CHAI. Despite her difficulties, Jackie continued to engage actively in the sessions. She also increased her volunteering activities at various Tasting Change events in the run-up to Christmas. Rather than withdrawing as she had done in the past, Jackie kept herself busy, remained close to the friends she had made in the group, receiving support from them and the wider Tasting Change team.

Jackie also decided to give the Mums into Business group a try and felt that taking part in the Tasting Change Christmas Market would be an opportunity to try and make some money before Christmas.

“If your stuck in the house you don't meet anyone so therefore when your here you meet other people and even if you don't see them again after the group they are friends, and they're still classed as friends.”

“It was scary like, not knowing if I'd sell anything but in the end it was ok, I sold a few things.”

Jackie was incredibly nervous but had a range of goods to sell including tie-dye tea towels, hand made cushions and her pom-pom rug. Although she did not sell as much as she'd hoped, she did make £30 and got a commission to make a smaller pom-pom rug from a lady who couldn't quite afford the big one.

The energy of the other Mums into Business group members was infectious. The event had given everyone's confidence a boost and Jackie agreed to join the group in January, after the Christmas break.

When the Let's Create group started up again after Christmas Jackie was delighted, she explained how much she had missed it and had even wanted to come in on Christmas day (which was a Tuesday, the day Let's Create usually met).

She had applied for Universal Credit over the break and was hopeful that her benefits would be sorted out soon.

The following week was her birthday. She surprised us all by arriving smartly dressed and with a new haircut, claiming that she felt like a new woman.

Jackie worked well in the following sessions where we explored origami bookmaking, marbling and various printing techniques.

True to her word Jackie joined the Mums into Business group. Although she admitted to feeling terrified and completely out of her depth in the first session, she participated in three more markets, held at WHALE Arts where she set up a stall selling her cushions.

From a monetary perspective, the markets at WHALE Arts were not hugely successful however the confidence gained and the levels of energy and enthusiasm displayed by individuals and the group as a whole grew exponentially.

Above: Jackie on her birthday with new haircut

Right: Jackie's cushions on sale in the Mums into Business Valentines Market

In the Let's Create group we had Eleanor Thom from the Edinburgh International Book Festival deliver a couple of workshops on storytelling which she hoped to record as part of the Citizen Project.

Jackie's first comment, when the workshop had been explained was,

"This isn't really for me."

And when, after coming up with a tiny story, she was asked if she'd like to record this she replied,

"I couldn't do that, I wouldn't be able to if I was put on the spot."

Despite this Jackie told a number of stories to the group and within a short while was confidently recording her stories with Eleanor.

Above: Jackie taking part in the documentary film about revolutionary acts.

Right: Jackie recording her story with Eleanor Thom

Mums into Business were working with documentary filmmaker Rodrigo Courtney on a project about revolutionary acts. Jackie was very enthusiastic and talked confidently on camera.

The upcoming end of the Tasting Change project was causing much anxiety, particularly for members of the Let's Create group as at present there is no funding for the group to continue.

Many participants including Jackie have come to rely on the group as a vital part of their support network and the thought of losing it was causing some distress.

Tensions between group members which had been largely absent over the last few months were starting to resurface. Jackie missed a number of sessions due to anxiety, ill health and the worry about her pending ESA appeal.

In spite of everything Jackie continued to focus on the creative activities in sessions and the group became heavily involved in planning activities and trips for the final sessions.

To everyone's delight, Jackie was successful in her ESA appeal and the relief for Jackie herself was beyond measure.

Jackie missed the trip to the parliament but thoroughly enjoyed the outdoor session where we did more tie-dye, shibori and cooked over a campfire. She created a large number of unique and beautiful pieces and was able to help many of the other members with their own creations.

The highlight of the outdoor session was that Jackie rekindled her friendship with Sam which had become strained in the last few weeks, with both ladies experiencing increased levels of stress.

They chatted for hours, long after the group had ended and left the session together

“I don't know what I'd do without this group, I'd be lost I think.”

PART FOUR Conclusion and final reflections Jackie's involvement with Tasting Change has had a significant impact on her life. Early on in the project, she stated that coming to Let's Create gave her the motive to come out. After attending the group for almost a year she admits to having a lot more confidence and feels more open.

"I used to hide a lot of thing, had a lot of walls, they're coming down now, in the group."

Jackie has come a long way with Tasting Change and has been involved with many aspects of the project. A highly creative woman the majority of her input has been with the Create strand, as a member of Let's Create from the start and more recently joining Mums into Business.

“It's brought me out my shell and into reality.

Before I use to go to bed feeling thank God that day is over, I just existed, I don't feel like that now.�

Jackie has volunteered at many Tasting Change events and as a result of her efforts has learned a lot about food, cooking and healthy eating.

Speaking of the project as a whole Jackie stated,

"It's starting to go back in the olden days where people communicated word to mouth, face to face, not by a phone or a laptop and it's trying to bring that back again which I think is a brilliant idea."

When asked what she valued most about the Let's Create group she said it was the friendships she had made through the group. Speaking specifically about Sam she said,

“It helps you understand what your buying and things like sell by dates, ken like people put things out but its ok to eat.”

"We're like sisters, others think we've know eachother for years."

Jackie said that she had learned lots of new skills and crafts thanks to the Let's Create group and she's had opportunities to try things that she has always wanted to try. Talking about the end of the group she described feeling a bit anxious, with a wee lump in her throat and a sicky feeling in her tummy. She quickly turned this around by joking that they (the group) would have to get a cardboard cut out of me (the group facilitator) and stick it in the corner.

That Let's Create will still be able to meet for coffee after the group has ended is a real comfort to Jackie and the fact that Mums into Business will be continuing as a self-reliant group means that the social and support networks that Jackie has developed through Tasting Change will continue.

Jackie has been a great asset to the project and it has been a pleasure to work with her.

“I'm absolutley guttet it's going to end.

I don't always show it because I'm older.”