December/January issue of Live it! Magazine

Live it!

BLENDED FAMILIES

making them work

SWEET TREATS

for the holidays

HOLIDAY ORNAMENTS

made easy

DECEMBER 2016 / JANUARY 2017 | FREE ISSUE

Happy holidays ...

The holidays are upon us once again. Where does the time go?

It seems the holidays are often a busy, stressful time of year. There’s shopping, decorating, baking and so many other things to be completed.

But, these days, I’m getting better at trying to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. The older I get, the more I realize how important family is around the holidays.

It’s no longer just about finding or receiving the perfect gift, but about enjoying time with those we love. And … remembering the “reason for the season.”

Our holiday season will be very different this year … the first holidays without either one of my parents. After my dad passed away a couple of years back, it was different, but we still had Mom at all the family gatherings. Now, with mom gone, even the family gatherings have changed. It’s a new season, and a time for our families to start their own holiday traditions.

Oh, our extended family will still get together, just not on the actual holiday.

On the bright side, our more immediate family will be welcoming a new addition just a week before Christmas, so that will be a joyous occasion indeed. And, for that reason, we will be spending the Christmas holidays at the home of our son and his family this year, spoiling our grandsons – yep, expecting another grandson – and our own kids of course.

For some families, especially blended families, the hustle and bustle of the season is complicated by the extra extended family, and jostling of the children between parents, grandparents and everyone who wants their time together.

In our cover story this issue, Tyler and Michelle Hanson share with us how they have found balance within their family circle, and Dan Nelson at Crossroads Counseling discusses the massive shift in family dynamics over recent years. He shares some insight on blended families and common themes he’s seen for people when they become a part of a blended family.

On our food pages, we are sharing some holiday favorites, and our style piece offers ideas for last-minute stocking stuffers. We also introduce a new column on homes, and tips for those preparing to sell their homes this season.

We hope you enjoy all the tips and ideas shared in this issue. And, as always, if you have a topic you’d like to see in Live it!, send your story ideas to liveit@wctrib.com. We love to hear from our readers. You can also “like” us on Facebook or send us a tweet @ Lilveitmag.

Life in west central Minnesota … it really is a beautiful thing ...

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Like us on Facebook: facebook.com/liveitmag Follow us on Pinterest: pinterest.com/liveitmag Tweet with

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g Manat tio lhbearaivfreoitmmyaogu.

We w et us @l trib.com Twe eit@wc ook eb l liv emai t us on fac ox 839, i s ! it B vi Live 56201. e t i r or w lmar MN ry ideas, Wil come sto ore. m el We w ments and m co Watch for our next issue out Feb. 3, 2017 May we publish your letter?

On the October/November Q&A: When I lived in Milan, this was my physician. She is tremendous!

— Nancy Strand, via Facebook Great article Emily.

— Kyle Parker, via Facebook

Other random comments from our readers: As a holistic and intuitive practitioner, it is wonderful to see a feature on the benefits of holistic and energetic healing.

Thank you Live it! Magazine for publishing this and sharing Michelle’s story.

— Kahle Bontjes, via Facebook Check it out! Women’s Health is featured in the October issue of Live it! Magazine and I’m in it! (This is a former patient of mine - please read her amazing story!)

— Kirstin Bergman, via Facebook Hey, Dan … great story!! I finally got to be home and read it!! It’s perfect.

— Michelle Abner, via Text Wow that’s something else.

— TJ Lopez, via Facebook

On the October/November issue: Sharon Bomstad Live it! Editor

Another great magazine. Great content and articles. Thanks for letting me be a part of it.

— Dr. Jon Haefner, via email

Editor’s note:

We love to hear from our readers.

“Like” us on Facebook, send us a tweet with your comments or even a new story idea, or email us at liveit@wctrib.com.

Watch for our next issue due out Feb. 3, 2017.

Live it! Magazine 3

Live it!

MAGAZINE

Can’t Live without it!

A publication of the West Central Tribune

Staff

Sharon Bomstad Magazine Editor

Dan Burdett

Magazine Writer/Social Media To contact Live it! call 320-235-1150 or email liveit@wctrib.com

Writing & photography Dan Burdett Anne Polta Jen Anfinson Briana Sanchez Kenzie Tenney

Marketing consultants Kevin Smith, Director ksmith@wctrib.com

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To advertise, call 320-214-4317 fax 320-235-6769 or email a listed consultant.

Administration

Steven Ammermann, Publisher Kelly Boldan, Editor

2208 W. Trott Ave., Willmar MN 56201 Volume 5, Issue 6

Copyright Š 2016 West Central Tribune Live it! magazine All rights reserved. Although some parts of this publication may be reproduced and reprinted, we require that prior permission be obtained.

Cover Story

The modern family transforms

6

December 2016, Volume 5, Issue 6

WHAT’S INSIDE

FEATURING

14

6 Finding their balance, grounding 12 Q&A: Dealing with a shift

in family dynamics

16 Last-minute gift ideas 18 Change your lifestyle, mindset

DEPARTMENTS 3

READER’S MAILBAG What we hear from

14

DO-IT-YOURSELF Quick, easy ornaments

16 18

STYLE IT! Great stocking stuffer ideas

20

HOME 101 Selling your home

21

READ IT! Library offers language

22

MONEY MATTERS Family can make estate

23

LIFE HAPPENS Long engagement may be

24 28

EAT IT! Holidays bring sweet traditions

29

WHAT’S HAPPENING? Mark your calendars

20

our readers for all ages

HEALTH & FITNESS A new mindset for

2017

this winter?

assistance

24

planning complex

necessary

SPIRITS Don’t be afraid

to mix & match

28

Built...

6 Live it! Magazine

to last

By Dan Burdett

T

yler and Michelle Hanson’s love story is not one you’d refer to as rooted in tradition.

Not by a long shot.

Continued on page 8

7 Live it! Magazine

A blended family finds their balance PHOTOGRAPHY BY BRIANA SANCHEZ

They met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting in 2011.

He’d spent time in jail and was looking to divert his life’s path.

She was worn out from the daze of inebriation.

She noticed him from across the room, charmed by his boyish looks and soft-spoken candor. He seemed refreshing to Michelle, a single mother of four, who had just walked away from a difficult marriage and moved back to the casual haunts of her parents’ Atwater home.

She desperately sought some semblance of normalcy. And she saw threads of that in Tyler.

One day they struck up a conversation.

The connection was emphatic.

Over time they started to date.

Slowly. Even keeping that pace after they fell in love.

“We had to make sure what we felt was real,” Michelle said recently during an interview at the couple’s airy home in a subdivision on Willmar’s southeast edge. “We wanted 8 Live it! Magazine

to make sure my children weren’t pulled into something that wasn’t real.”

That “real” motif is a materiality playing out daily for many Americans – from a myriad of backgrounds – as the makeup of the modern family transforms.

Research by the Pew Institute shows that more than 50 percent of today’s households have shifted from what we once perceived as tradition: a biologically bonded mother, father and child, to one known as a blended family, in which divorced parents are either remarried or in a new relationship.

The perception of how this affects these families varies.

A number of studies show merging two families can take the stress off one or both parents.

Single parents recovering from divorce understand the difficulties of parenting alone, The Livestrong Foundation says, and they often take comfort in having a partner who creates a positive environment for

their children.

Other data compiled by Focus Forward Counseling and Consulting show some children have a hard time adapting to a new family dynamic, particularly as they transition from middle childhood to adolescence.

The Hansons are conscious of both perspectives, Michelle says. “We’re very focused on the children remaining balanced and grounded. This is the life they now know. It’s important it’s as normal as possible.”

Embracing a new role Tyler could never have predicted his

life’s course.

When he graduated high school, he aspired to be a web designer and hoped to set up shop in the Minneapolis area. His wild 20s derailed that plan. When he fell for Michelle, life again went posthaste in another direction. There’s a seven-year age gap between the couple. And Michelle’s eldest, 15-year-old Ethan, is just 16 Continued on page 10

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Continued from page 8

years Tyler’s junior.

“It makes for some interesting looks when I go to school conferences,” Tyler says with a hearty laugh. “Some of his teachers were my teachers.

They look at me like something just doesn’t seem right here.”

When he and Michelle starting talking about a life together, Tyler quickly embraced his paternal responsibilities. A new career path also came into the fold.

Tyler’s father has been involved in periodic real estate deals over the years and Tyler was intrigued by the business. He began studying for his real estate license, and now works as an agent at the Edina Realty office in Willmar.

At times it’s an arduous gig, with long and invariably unpredictable hours that can shift a bulk of the parental responsibility to Michelle.

It’s also a necessary gig.

While the Hansons live off a strict budget and carry little debt beyond student loans, providing for a family of seven is often exorbitant and the decisions pertaining to their dynamic require a delicate and pragmatic approach.

Like when Michelle, a wellness coach by trade, transitioned into part-time work earlier this year to 10 Live it! Magazine

spend more time with the couple’s daughter Eva, who turned 1 on Nov. 19.

They weighed the pros and cons of the decision for sometime.

Ultimately, the structure in Eva’s life won out.

“It’s best for her,” Michelle says.

Finding a balance

Michelle doesn’t often talk about her divorce.

It’s part of the past and she prefers to look ahead.

Ethan and his siblings, Elsa, 11, and 7-year-old twin brothers, Esmond and Evan, see their father every other weekend. It’s an arrangement that seems to work for the siblings.

Tyler and Michelle have also been open with the children about their previous struggles.

The couple believes their sincerity has been key in keeping their family bond robust.

“Yeah … sure … it has been a challenge at times and it’s taken work,” Michelle says. “But we’ve found that balance. It helps that Tyler has been another dad for the kids. And that’s been very rewarding. He’s been a good role model.”

The couple’s parents have also been “rocks,” Michelle says.

She spent three years living with her folks before she and Tyler married in 2014. Those years are intrinsic to who she is today.

“I wasn’t capable of making the decisions back then I needed to,” Michelle says. “They (parents) helped so much.”

Moving forward, the Hansons see their family as no different than any other.

They watch TV. They go to church.

They enjoy sports.

They play games.

They eat dinner together.

They have chores.

“I suppose you could call it all … organized chaos,” Tyler quips. “It can be interesting getting seven people out of the house everyday. But it’s a good thing.”

“We live off our Google calendar,” Michelle says with a laugh. “Without that, we’d be completely lost.”

Dan Burdett, lead writer for Live it! Magazine for three years, has recently left to pursue other interests. This is his final article.

It has been a challenge at times and it’s taken work. But we’ve found that balance.

It helps that Tyler has been another dad for the kids. And that’s been very rewarding. He’s been a good role model.”

- Michelle

Blended families: By the numbers • 1,300 new “stepfamilies” are forming every day in the U.S. • More than 50 percent of U.S. families are remarried or re-coupled.

• The average marriage in America lasts seven years.

• One out of two marriages ends in divorce.

• 75 percent of divorcees remarry.

• 66 percent of those living together or remarried break up when children are involved.

• 80 percent of remarried or re-coupled partners with children both have careers.

• 50 percent of the 60 million children under the age of 13 are currently living with one biological parent and that parent’s current partner.

• Back in 1990, the U.S. Census predicted there will be more stepfamilies than original families by the dawn of the new millennium.

• According to the Stepfamily Foundation’s research, more than 60 percent of divorced fathers visit their children. These children do not legally “reside” with their fathers. So, neither government, nor academic research includes these fathers and their children as stepfamilies. The father may be a single dad, but most likely he is re-coupled or remarried, thus creating a stepfamily. These children shuttle between their parents’ homes, radically increasing the numbers of stepfamilies. These fathers are ignored and uncounted.

Source: U.S. Census Bureau

Inside the data According to Pew Research Center, 46 percent of children are living with two parents who are both in their first marriage. This share is down from 61 percent in 1980 and 73 percent in 1960.

An additional 15 percent of children are living with a parent who has been married before.

In the remainder of two-parent families, the parents are cohabiting but are not married.

Today, Pew says, 7 percent of children are living with cohabiting parents; however a far larger share will experience this kind of living arrangement at some point during their childhood. For instance, estimates suggest about 39 percent of children will have had a mother in a cohabiting relationship by the time they turn 12; and by the time they turn 16, almost half (46 percent) will have experience with their mother cohabiting. In some cases, this will happen because a never-married mother enters into a cohabiting relationship; in other cases, a mother may enter into a cohabiting relationship after a marital breakup.

11 Live it! Magazine

& Q A: Blending In

By Dan Burdett dburdett@wctrib.com

How counselors treat those who feel the weight of being part of a blended family

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D

an Nelson has been a licensed counselor since completing a master’s in counseling psychology in

1991.

He moved to the New LondonSpicer area four years later and now works at Crossroads Counseling, which is among a number of crisis centers in Willmar and the outlying area.

During his time with Crossroads, Dan has noticed a massive shift in the family dynamic and an increase in the number of people he counsels who are from blended families.

Live it! recently spoke to Dan about how he treats these patients.

Here’s what he had to say.

Live it!: Thank you for taking the time to talk with us. With blended families more common than ever before, do you counsel more people who are part of this family makeup?

Dan Nelson: Definitely. A big part of this as well is the concept of no-fault divorce where there is a big emphasis on shared custody.

Historically there was one parent with primary custody and the other parent would have visitation.

That is rarely the case now unless there has been some level of abuse or problematic behavior such as chemical addiction on the part of one of the parents. With this newer approach of shared custody, there is close to double the amount of blended families as a result.

Live it!: What do you see as the most common theme for people to adjust to when they become a part of a blended family?

DN: For the parents, and sometimes the kids, to adjust to a point that they do not need to be continually angry at the other parent. Getting past the idea that someone needs to be a “bad guy.”

When the parents adjust to the reality the kids need to have a genuinely good relationship with the other parent, situations adjust much more quickly and smoothly. Sometimes parents cannot realistically be that excited about the other parent because of the factors leading to the

breakup of their relationship with the other parent, but they can begin by not hindering or sabotaging their children’s relationship with the other parent; giving them permission to fully love the other parent. In my experience, I have found that kids tend to honor the parent they may perceive as the “underdog” at that time, but if that parent has unresolved anger that continues to fester and it starts to spill over into how they discuss the other parent in front of the kids, the kids will begin to resent this and eventually switch loyalties to the other parent.

Live it!: Do you find adjusting to being part of a blended family is more difficult for the parent or the children?

DN: Mainly the parents, especially with the unrealistic expectation that this will all go smoothly and they will be automatically embraced as the “mom” or “dad.” As this expectation is backed off and changed to a more “underlying hope,” things seem to adjust better and the kids feel permission to figure it out for themselves. But each situation is so different with tons of variables that need to be acknowledged, understood and addressed.

Live it!: Do you see familiar themes with those attempting to juggle new commitments as part of a blended family, specifically during the holiday season when time can be at a premium. And if so, what guidance do you offer?

DN: Absolutely. Create a routine that is respectful and fair to all parties. Share holidays every other year on the day to be fair unless one side’s extended family regularly celebrates it on a different day. Make things easy for the sake of the kids.

When meeting or picking the kids up for custody or visitation switches, be on-time and be fair in the travel

distance, splitting it as fairly as possible. Maintain old traditions, establish and keep new ones. Again, the holiday season is always creating memories for the kids. Make sure they are good or at least neutral ones. They do not need bad memories associated with the holidays.

Make them as good as possible.

Live it!: What benefits are there to being in a blended family?

DN: When it works well, there are so many learning opportunities as people allow themselves to learn and grow. As stated previously, there are many different reasons for how this blended family came into existence, but the realization that each person is carrying some level of baggage, no matter their age, is a major starting point for healing, adjustment and growth in whatever form these need to take.

Live it!: And what do you think has a negative effect on a blended family?

DN: Potential unrealistic expectations on any family member’s part along with continued maladjustment when pain is not addressed. Allowing the realization to set in that most children want their primary or biological parents to still be together. That is the family unit they are most often hoping for. Parents and stepparents are often offended by this, but they need not be. It is normal and can be worked through effectively through counseling, church support, community supports such as “Parents Forever” at the Kandiyohi County offices, and a deep common faith and spirituality that is not just discussed but lived out consistently and practically.

“When it works well, there are so many learning opportunities...to learn and grow.”

Crossroads Counseling is located at 201 28th Ave. S.W. in Willmar. For more information, call 320-214-8558, email crossroads@crossroadscounselingctr.net or visit crossroadscounselingcenters.com.

13 Live it! Magazine

Do-it! yourself Holiday book page ornaments

quick, easy and fun

By Jen Anfinson

Each year I look for a fun and easy Christmas ornament to make.

This is a perfect one!

It’s fun for kids and adults, has few materials to gather, and is quick to make.

LET’S GET STARTED

Step 1 Gather your materials. All you need for this project is an old forgotten book, pencil, scissors, glue stick, ribbon and a hole punch.

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A

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Step 2

Step 3 Glue one half with a glue stick and place on the second circle. Continue doing this until it is as full as you would like it. I sometimes do four cut-outs and sometimes a dozen. The more page cut-outs you do, the fuller it will be.

Trace circles (or trees) and fold them in the center.

Step 5

A

B

Step 4

Make lots and lots more! Play around with different shapes and use the same instructions.

Also, make stars by folding the pages accordion style and hearts by cutting long strips.

Punch a hole about a half-inch down and add a ribbon of choice.

Happy Holidays!

Jen Anfinson creates jewelry and other handmade items from her studio in Paynesville, and teaches DIY classes all over the state. For more information on upcoming classes, check out Jen Anfinson Studio on Facebook.

15 Live it! Magazine

Style it!

By Kenzie Tenney

Stocking stuffers for everyone on your list For the beauty addict • Makeup kit • Beauty kit • Hair kit

For the hostess • Personalized wine stopper • Monogrammed moscow mule cups • Trendy coaster set

For the athlete • Cute headbands • Fitbit • Water bottle

16 Live it! Magazine

For the “plugged-in” friend • Phone case • Ear phones • Portable charger

For the traveler For the fashionista

• Traveler’s jewelry portfolio • Passport wallet + luggage tags • Smartphone lens

• Sunglasses • Fashionable gloves • Watch

Kenzie Tenney is a freelance writer for Live it! Magazine

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- Health & Fitness -

It’s all about the mindset

T

By Katie Johnson

hings are about to change.

How so?

For you.

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W

e will soon be saying: Welcome to 2017 – a new year, why not a new you?

But a new you doesn’t come overnight; it starts with a mindset.

Instead, how about we say, “a new year, a new mindset.”

So let me ask: What holds you back from being the healthiest you’ve ever been?

It could be a combination of a lot of things.

Perhaps it is the current season in your life that is hindering you from being the healthiest you can possibly be.

Perhaps it is the “know-how” where you would say, “I don’t know how to be healthy.”

Under that subject you might include: “I don’t know how to nourish my body or what my body needs” or “I don’t know what to do at the gym” or “I’ve been going to the gym for a long time and haven’t seen results.”

Perhaps there are other factors limiting your health. Maybe there are financial limitations where you might say, “I don’t have the money to buy all organic or to eat healthy.” You could claim, like a lot of us, that you don’t have time to cook healthy meals. You could also say that if you truly want to eat healthy you will have to prepare two meals: one for you and one for your spouse and kids.

I’m here to offer a proposition. You’ve heard it said that health is not a diet, but a lifestyle.

See, the thing about diets and exercise programs is that they are temporary. They have a goal in mind, and once it is reached you are free to end your program. Not only that, but diet and exercise programs can be very difficult to commit to for whatever period of time they are designed to last.

Let me offer that we work together to take one step at a time, for a lifetime, to make positive healthier choices.

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For every objection we come up with let’s counteract it with one positive rebuttal. One objection might be, “I don’t have time to exercise!” Let’s combat that objection with, “I don’t have an hour or even 30 minutes to exercise, but I CAN do a wall sit while I am brushing my teeth.” We just took a small positive step. Way to go.

Do not look at all the things you can’t do, but encourage yourself in what you CAN do.

Let’s try it again. “I don’t like vegetables!”

Ok, eating healthy is not limited to vegetables. If you’re willing however, can we try something new to get a dose of veggies in?

How about an 8-ounce glass of V8 blend with lunch? Or a smoothie with fruit and spinach?

There is even applesauce out there that has a serving of veggies in it.

Where there is a will there is a way. Quick, easy, done. Not to mention tasty.

Let me encourage you that there is no activity (aka exercise) so small that it is not beneficial for the body.

A wall-sit while you brush your teeth? Great.

Crunches for three minutes right when you wake up in the morning? Awesome.

Do not discredit yourself for what you set your mind to do – and do it. However small it is. It’s a lifestyle.

Does this mean you do wall sits while you brush your teeth the rest of your life?

Not necessarily. Sometimes we do more, sometimes we do less. That is the beauty of a lifestyle change. The point is to set your mind to positive change and take that one small step to implement it over a span of a lifetime.

Katie Johnson is the Health and Wellness Coordinator at the Kandiyohi County Area Family YMCA in Willmar; fitcoordinator@kandiymca.org

- Home -

How winter can be an ally when selling your home

I

By Nicole Dahl

f you are considering selling your home, there are more than likely a thousand different things taking precedent on your mind: holiday parties, holiday baking/cooking, shopping.

And the fact that it is typically cold outside doesn’t help either. Listing and selling your home during the winter holiday months just isn’t likely to be on the top of your list. However, there are a few good reasons why listing your home this winter could actually be beneficial to you:

The market is great.

This year, west central Minnesota has seen an increase in home sales, according to the West Central Association of Realtors, Minnesota.

Compared to this time last year, home sales are up about 4.4 percent.

Listings are down.

Although sales are up, the number of listings are down, according to WCARMN. Compared to this time last year, the listings are down about 5.5 percent. There are currently more buyers than there are home sellers. Which makes this a seller’s market.

Now that it is getting colder out, the number of listings will continue to decline. With that being

20 Live it! Magazine

said, buyers will be able to give more attention and time to your property.

The average cumulative days on the market are down.

From this time a year ago to now, the cumulative days on the market figure is down about 12.33 percent. Last year the average number of days on the market was 146, whereas this year it is 128.

Your home will show well.

Your home is already tastefully decorated for the holidays, so why not let a few buyers walk through the property? When your home is fully decorated and ready for the holidays, it gives buyers an opportunity to picture what it could be like when they host holidays.

All four of these reasons are great reasons why you should list your home this winter, instead of waiting for spring to roll around. While you are busy getting your home decorated and ready for the holidays, consider the one decoration the yard is missing: the sold sign.

Nicole Dahl is a licensed real estate agent with Edina Realty in Willmar; 320-262-2380, nicoledahl@ edinarealty.com; facebook.com/NicoleDahlEdinaRealty.

- Read it! -

Time to learn a new language?

W

By Syrena Maranell

hether you want to learn another language for travel and leisure or if you are learning English as a second language, the Willmar Public Library

can help.

December is Learn a Foreign Language Month, so why not challenge yourself and enjoy the benefits of learning another language? Language learning supports academic achievement, improved reading abilities, linguistic awareness and positive attitudes toward other cultures.

You may already be aware of some of the language learning options the library offers such as books, audiobooks and videos. A few downloadable audiobooks are available on Overdrive. Visit pioneerland.lib.overdrive.com and search for Mango Passport. Then you can choose from Spanish and Mandarin Chinese. Use the Overdrive app to listen to digital audiobooks on your smartphone, tablet or computer or download the audiobook to an MP3 player.

Another option is Powerspeak Languages, an online course available for Spanish, French, German, Mandarin and Ingles (ESL). Navigate to the other resources section of our online catalog (pioneerland.lib.mn.us) to find the link. From there you can create an account using your email address and get started with interactive activities within minutes. Our website also has links to other free online options such as Duolingo and USA Learns.

The Test of English for International Communication is a global standardized test for

English skills in the workplace, used by more than 9,000 companies, government agencies and English language learning programs. It is focused on reallife situations in the international workplace and is tailored to adult business professionals who want to certify that their English meets the daily tasks of professional business communication.

LearningExpressLibrary offers an eBook that includes a complete overview of the TOEIC exam, targeted lessons covering listening, reading, writing and speaking skills, four full-length practice exams with answer explanations, vocabulary word lists, review and more. Users must create a free account to use LearningExpressLibrary.

Looking for something more social? We also host an English Conversation Club the first Wednesday of the month for non-native speakers to practice their speaking and listening skills. This is a great way to practice English with others who are learning the language in a relaxed and casual atmosphere.

Refreshments are provided, and we meet upstairs at the library.

If you have any questions, call the library at (320) 235-3162 or stop at the information desk and a librarian will help you.

Syrena Maranell is the Adult Services Librarian at the Willmar Public Library. For more information on these audiobooks, swing by the Willmar Public Library. The librarians are there to help you find your new favorite author. Check out the library’s blog at turningpages. areavoices.

21 Live it! Magazine

- Money Matters -

Estate planning tips for blended families

M

Submitted By Jeanne Ashburn

ost of us need to do some type of estate planning, but it’s especially important if you are part of a “blended” family.

And the best time to start is now – before these plans need to be implemented.

Estate planning can be complex, so you will need help from a qualified legal professional. But here are a few general suggestions that can be suitable for blended families: • Update beneficiary designations – and think about multiple beneficiaries. Update the beneficiary designations on your retirement accounts and insurance policies to reflect the reality of your blended family. These designations can supersede the instructions you provided in your will. So if your will states that your current spouse should inherit your assets, but you had named your former spouse, or a child, as the primary beneficiary of an IRA, then your former spouse or your child – not your present-day spouse – will indeed receive the IRA. To ensure that “everyone gets something,” you could name your current spouse as primary beneficiary and your children from a previous marriage as equal contingent beneficiaries. But the primary beneficiary will receive all the assets and is free to do whatever he or she wants with the money.

To enact your wishes, you can name multiple primary beneficiaries and designate the percentage of the asset each beneficiary will receive.

• Create a living trust – and consider a professional trustee. A living trust can help you avoid the time-consuming and costly process of probate, while giving you great freedom to determine how, and when, you want your assets distributed. After you pass away, the trust, if structured properly, can provide your surviving spouse with income for life; then, after your spouse dies, your children from an earlier

22 Live it! Magazine

marriage would receive the remainder of the trust.

So far, so good. However, issues can arise if you name your surviving spouse or one of your children as the “successor trustee” who will take charge of the trust upon your passing. Your spouse, acting as successor trustee, could choose to invest only in bonds for income, but if he or she lives another 20 or so years, the value of the investments within the trust will probably have diminished considerably – leaving your children with very little. Conversely, if you name one of your children as trustee, the child could invest strictly in growth-oriented investments, leaving your surviving spouse with greatly reduced income. To be fair to everyone, you may want to engage a professional third-party trustee. This individual, or company, is not a beneficiary of the trust, is not entitled to share in the assets of the trust, and, ideally, should have no “rooting interest” in how proceeds of the trust are distributed.

• Consider a prenuptial agreement – When it’s time to settle an estate, a prenuptial agreement can help avoid disputes among members of a blended family. If you and your new spouse have agreed to keep your assets separate so that each of you can pass an inheritance to your own children, you need to spell out that separation in your “prenup,” your will, your living trust and any other relevant estate-planning arrangements.

Above all else, share your estate-planning intentions with members of your blended family.

You may not be able to satisfy everyone, but through open communications, you can help prevent bad feelings – and unpleasant surprises.

This article was written by Edward Jones for use by your local Edward Jones Financial Advisor. Jeanne Ashburn is a financial adviser with Edward Jones in Willmar.

Edward Jones, its employees and financial advisors are not estate planners and cannot provide tax or legal advice.

You should consult your estate-planning or qualified tax advisor regarding your situation.

- Life Happens -

Think of your children, take it SLOW

I

By Claudette Larson, LICSW

haven’t always had such a conservative view when it comes to the dating world of single parents. It has been one that has evolved in time through my work with families – blended and otherwise – and more so through time spent treating children of divorce.

I can also say that sharing my advice with single parents is not always met with agreement or enthusiasm. I can even further admit that, even I, as a single woman, did not originally follow my own advice when dating a single father before I came to this conclusion. And for that I am heartily sorry.

The truth is, my very best advice for single parents who will choose to go out into the dating world before their children are grown and out of their home is not to introduce their children to any partner until and unless there is an engagement.

That also includes any children of said partner.

There, I’ve said it.

Are you still with me?

Children have enough difficulty coping with the pain of divorce: having two separate households, the grief and loss connected to the termination of the intact family, the very real possibility of poor and/ or unkind communication between original spouses.

Introducing new romantic partners into the mix is often confusing and stressful despite how happy and blissful the new relationship may be for you.

When you do this multiple times through months and years, this is emotionally damaging to your child. Not only are they opening themselves up to these new relationships in their life but they are witnessing your emotional rollercoasters and often

riding it with you. When you add your partner’s children to the situation, this only compounds connections that are precarious to the emotional framework of your child’s life.

As difficult as it is for adults to cope with the loss of romantic relationships ending, children must also make sense of losing adults that have come to represent care and security, and when they have to sever ties with potential siblings as well it only magnifies the loss. Children should be spared this at all costs.

I recognize the advice given requires that sacrifices must be made. Yet as the relationship initially is between two adults, perhaps it is ideal that the foundation of the relationship be firm before the introduction of children take place. Although an engagement may need to be prolonged in order to be sure children within the blended families get along and parenting as a couple is complimentary, I believe extra time is what is called for.

Blended families are wonderful endeavors, but they do have a higher rate of divorce because of the added stressors. Taking the needed time to ensure one enters the relationship in the best way possible for everyone – adults and children alike – can only bring about the healthiest outcomes.

Take care.

Claudette Larson, LICSW, RPT is owner of Willow Creek Counseling in New London and enjoys working with children, teens and adults for the past 16 years.

23 Live it! Magazine

Eat it!

Special treats for the holidays By Anne Polta Anne Polta may be reached at apolta@wctrib.com or follow her on Twitter @AnnePolta.

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oliday traditions and special treats go hand in hand – the favorite family cookies that make an appearance each year, the homemade candies given as gifts, the luscious concoctions that bring extra dazzle to the dessert course.

And of course there are the stories that go along with each recipe, whether it’s been handed down through family generations or is a more recent tradition that quickly became a hit.

For this edition of Live It!, we asked West Central Tribune employees to share some of their favorite holiday recipes, along with the story of what makes them special.

Happy baking!

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Aunt Jane’s Cut-Outs This recipe comes from Briana Jensen of the Tribune’s business office. Aunt Jane has been bringing these cookies to the family Christmas gathering “every year for as long as I can remember,” Briana said. “She would bring them to Grandma and Grandpa’s house in a wax paper-lined shoe box and everyone would dig right in.”

Briana has been handing down the tradition for the past 10 years by baking these with her daughter. Her favorite cut-out shape is a tree, with a few red hots for decoration.

The cookies “are super soft and can be made for any season or holiday,” Briana said.

INGREDIENTS: 1 cup butter, softened 2/3 cup white sugar 1 egg 2½ cups flour 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 to 3 sticks butter, softened 1 to 2 teaspoons vanilla Powdered sugar Food coloring

COOKIES: FROSTING: Cream together 1 cup softened butter Combine 2 to 3 sticks butter, 1 to 2 and sugar. Beat in egg. Add in flour teaspoons vanilla and powdered and salt, and then 1 teaspoon vanilla. sugar to the consistency of your Chill dough 3 to 4 hours in refrigerator. liking, adding 1 cup sugar at a time.

When ready to bake, preheat oven Add food coloring. Frost cooled to 350 degrees F. Roll and cut out cookies and decorate for the season. cookies in desired shapes. Bake 8 to 10 minutes, or until the edges are just starting to brown. Remove from pan to cooling rack.

25 Live it! Magazine

White ChocolateRaspberry Cheesecake Bars Danna Hill of our creatives department contributed this to an employee baking contest a couple of years ago and stole the show. The festive color makes this dessert equally appropriate for Christmas or Valentine’s Day, she noted.

INGREDIENTS: and vanilla in large bowl with mixer 12 Oreo cookies, finely crushed, about until blended. Add melted chocolate; 1 cup mix well. Add eggs, 1 at a time, 2 tablespoons butter or margarine, mixing on low speed after each just melted until blended. Pour over crust.

3 ounces white chocolate, divided Bake 25 to 28 minutes or until center 2 8-ounce packages cream cheese, is almost set. Cool 5 minutes; spread softened with preserves. Melt remaining 1/2 cup sugar chocolate; drizzle over cheesecake.

1 tablespoon vanilla Cool cheesecake completely.

2 eggs Refrigerate 4 hours.

1/4 cup red raspberry preserves When it comes to the raspberry filling, Danna goes the extra mile. “Because Heat oven to 350 degrees F. I love to bake and have to put my Line 8- or 9-inch square pan with own touch on things, I made my aluminum foil, with ends of foil own raspberry preserve,” she said. extending over sides. Combine “I did just half of the recipe to fit my cookie crumbs and butter; press onto 8x8 pan, but I bet you could find bottom of pan. something to use the remainder of Melt 2 ounces chocolate as directed on the filling for.” package. Beat cream cheese, sugar

26 Live it! Magazine

RASPBERRY FILLING: 4 cups raspberries 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons water 3/4 cup sugar 2 tablespoons cornstarch In a saucepan, combine the raspberries, 3/4 cup of water and the 3/4 cup sugar. Bring to a boil. Simmer for 15 to 20 minutes or until the raspberries have broken down. Remove the mixture from the heat and strain in a fine-mesh sieve. Return the strained mixture to the heat. Dissolve the cornstarch in the remaining 2 tablespoons of water. Whisk the cornstarch slurry into the raspberry mixture. Bring the mixture back to a boil and simmer for 5 more minutes. Remove from heat and cool completely.

Amaretto Truffles This no-bake recipe comes from news assistant Donna Middleton and has become a highlight of the holidays for her coworkers. “I put them into small Christmas tins for co-workers here at the Tribune each year,” Donna said. “Along with these amaretto truffles, there are caramels, nut goodie bars, hard candies and a note, requesting the tin back if they would like it filled again the following Christmas.” The tins are always returned.

1 12-ounce package vanilla milk chocolate chips 1/4 cup sour cream 2 tablespoons amaretto Powdered sugar Melt vanilla chips. Stir in sour cream and amaretto. Blend well. Refrigerate 30 to 60 minutes or until mixture is easy to handle.

Roll into 3/4-inch balls, using hands or a small melon baller. Roll in powdered sugar. Place in paper candy cups if desired. Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to one month or in the freezer for up to six months.

A note from Donna: She uses her microwave oven to melt the chips.

After the ingredients are combined, the mixture can be refrigerated. It sometimes stays in the fridge for several days before she has time to form the truffles. Donna isn’t fussy about the size of each truffle, “so it was something my children could help with,” she said.

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- Spirits -

Mixing is magnificent!

I

By Ron Skjong

like to mix it up. Before you shake your head, let me explain.

I like to mix it up, and by that I don’t mean in the negative, fight oriented way of understanding what mixing it up means. I don’t mean a physical altercation nor do I mean a nasty mouthed argument – but I enjoy mixing.

Quite some time ago, I enjoyed things being plain – some people would call it being boring but plain was fine, thank you. For instance, my family went to eat in a restaurant in a nearby city and, for us, that was something out of the normal. Usually, we eat at home, make our own meals and we could almost tell the day of the week by what was being served at the table.

Sunday meant chicken, Monday meant beef and potatoes and, skipping to Saturday, it meant bologna and potatoes.

So you can see our life was well, plain. It was so plain I didn’t know what salad dressing was and while ordering our meal in the restaurant, I was asked what kind of dressing I would like on my salad. My brain froze. Why does my salad need to be dressed? Isn’t a bowl of plain lettuce good enough? I was too deeply into plain; and then one day something happened.

My college of choice was Augustana College in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and it was there I was introduced to someone totally foreign to me – an African American. Interestingly enough my mind didn’t stop functioning, but wanted to better understand the young man beside me. We talked, and the mixing of our backgrounds (mine being rural and his being urban) vaulted me into the wonderful universe of blending cultures. I’m happy to say I now mix as much as possible and I like to mix it up whether it’s with different cultures, ethnicities, religious traditions, spices and foods, or alcoholic beverages.

Usually blending/mixing brings out a new way of understanding or, in the example of wines, a new taste. A couple of examples ...

Glacial Ridge Winery, between New London and Spicer, produces a very naughty red blend wine called Wicked. It’s produced by blending Cabernet

28 Live it! Magazine

Sauvignon and Minnesota Frontenac grapes and the resulting wine is a slightly sweet, full-bodied drink that carries the noticeable tastes of black cherry along with its sweetness.

If this wine defines being wicked, bring it on ...

One of my favorite wine blends is the Black Label Claret from Francis Coppola wines. Made by blending Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, Malbec, Cabernet Franc and Petite Verdot grapes, this wine fulfills all the parameters for a fine wine – it pours dark and red, the fruity aroma bursts out of the glass and the luscious cherry and plum tastes finish with a slow dry fading.

It’s an amazing wine that is perfect when you’re sitting with anyone discussing how the blending or mixing of people and foods is so exciting.

One other note – mixing also pertains to making cocktails. One of my favorites is a drink by the name of Old Pal. If you enjoy rye whiskey, Campari and dry vermouth, you must taste this blended cocktail. Using equals parts of the ingredients – I enjoy a one-to-one ratio – the drink has a nice reddish hue and the spirits seem to meld perfectly.

Very enjoyable and relaxing ...

As I said, mixing and blending is a great way to live. In our family, we have blended religious traditions (Judaism and Christianity) and we have great discussions – which have led to a better understanding of ourselves and the people with whom we interact. Blending is good – whether it’s bringing together different cultures, ethnicities, nationalities, foods or alcoholic beverages, mixing is a definite positive.

The magic that comes from mixing is magnificent!

As always, eat and drink in moderation but laugh with reckless abandon!

Cheers!

Ron Skjong writes primarily about the wonderful world of wine but likes to explore various spirits and beers, too. He is married and has four grown children. While stationed in Germany, he was introduced to German wines and from that introduction, a lifelong pursuit developed to find that perfect bottle of wine.

Checkit!Out

What’s happenin’ ?

December 2016-January 2017 Glacial Ridge Winery

Every Friday Spicer, 5 to 9 p.m., except holidays, Glacial Ridge Winery, state highway 23 between New London and Spicer; free music concert by different individuals and groups.

Festive Forest

Dec. 1-2, 4-9, 11-17, 18-23, 27-30 Willmar, 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. weekdays, 2 to 4 p.m.

Sunday; Kandiyohi County Historical Society museum, 610 Business Highway 71 N.E,; Festive Forest of holiday trees created by local clubs and organizations; admission is free.

Holiday Soiree

Dec. 2 Morris, 7:30 p.m. University of Minnesota recital hall, Holiday Soiree concert by University Choir, Chamber Singers, and Brass and Wind ensembles; adults $5, seniors and children $3, tickets at the door;

Historic Chippewa Village

Dec. 3 Montevideo, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., Historic Chippewa City, located at the junctions of Highways 7 and 59 in Montevideo; “An Italiano Christmas in the Village” will feature horse-drawn rides, candy and bake sales, crafters, Santa Claus, old-fashioned radio show, lunch line and the decorated village; adults $5, ages 12-17 $2, children 11 and under admitted free.

Pioneer Christmas

Dec. 3 Forest City, 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., Forest City Stockade; 21st annual event, wagon or sleigh rides, visit with Santa, see a winter Native American encampment with teepee, wall tent and A-frame; tour the historic buildings, pioneer crafts and demonstrations, variety of foods available; dress warmly as most of the activities will be outdoors; admission $5, ages 12 and under will be admitted free.

Blind Boys of Alabama

Dec. 3 St. Joseph, 7:30 p.m., Escher Auditorium; both living legends and modern-day innovators, this holiday concert will feature gospel standards and new holiday songs from their “Talkin’ Christmas!” and “Go Tell It on the Mountain” albums; along for the ride is dynamic gospel-soul singer Liz Vice, who will perform an opening set of her gospel, soul and R&B infused songs celebrating her deep-rooted spirituality; adults $30, seniors $27, students $10, call 320-363- 5777 or online at www.csbsju.edu/wow.

Holiday Soiree

Dec. 3-4 Morris, dinner and concert 6:30 p.m. Dec. 3, 12:30 p.m. Dec. 4, University of Minnesota student center; Holiday Soirée, starts with a festive meal with dinner entertainment provided by the Morris Blue Note Combo followed by the Concert Choir presenting “Magnificat in D,” two movements from Rachmaninoff

To list your event, email liveit@wctrib.com

“Vespers” and the Chamber Singers presenting seasonal selections; adults $27, seniors $25, students $22; performance only tickets are adults $15, seniors $13, students $10; tickets.umn.edu or 320-589- 6077.

Kandi Mall bake sales

Dec. 3, 10, 17 Willmar, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., Kandi Mall; churches, schools, nonprofit groups and organizations will be selling baked goods.

Christmas at Sperry House

Dec. 4, 11, 18 Willmar, 2 to 4 p.m., next to the Kandiyohi County Historical Society museum, 610 Business Highway 71 N.; the 1983 home is decorated for Christmas and the tree displays a variety of 1800s (Victorian) ornaments.

West Central Connection Chorus

Dec. 5 Willmar, 7:30 p.m., Willmar Community Center; The West Central Connection Chorus presents a free concert of holiday tunes.

Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols

Dec. 7 Montevideo, 6:30 p.m., Trinity Lutheran Church, 220 S. 13th St.; Festival of Nine Lessons and Carols” followed by an evening tea.

Night of Music

Dec. 8-11 Willmar, 7 p.m., Dec. 8-10; 3 p.m. Dec. 10-11, Assembly of God Church, 3821 Abbott Drive S.E., 52nd annual night of music, “Shepherds and Kings”; free tickets are available at the church, freewill donation.

Lucia Day

Dec. 10 Willmar, 9 a.m. to noon, Bethel Lutheran Church, 411 Becker Ave. S.W., Swedish candlelight ceremony at 9 a.m. followed by coffee and music; holiday baked goods for sale.

Holiday sing-a-long

Dec. 10 Willmar, 4 p.m., Willmar Community Center; traditional carols and holiday songs, intergenerational community event, song sheets will be provided, come to sing or listen.

Kat Perkins

Dec. 10 Willmar, 7:30 p.m., WEAC, holiday concert, $22 in advance, available at Cash Wise Foods and Cub Foods in Willmar; $25 at the door.

Sounds of the Season

Dec. 16-18 Willmar, 7:30 p.m. Dec. 16-17, 2 p.m., Dec. 18, The Barn Theatre; The Barn presents Sounds of the Season with the West Central Singers; adults $10, ages 18 and younger $5, call 320-235- 9500.

Lorie Line

Dec. 19 Dawson, 7:30 p.m., Memorial Auditorium; Lorie Line brings her holiday show “A Merry Little Christmas”; reserved seating, $49, ages 4 and up, call 800-801- 5463.

Willmar Area Symphonic Orchestra

Jan. 8 Willmar, 3 p.m., WEAC; the orchestra presents “Blue Jeans, Billy and Beethoven”; adults $10, ages 5-18 $5, under 5 admitted free; family pack of two adults and unlimited children $25.

Velvet Brass Band

Jan. 8 Glenwood, 3 to 7 p.m., Lakeside Ballroom; Winter Dance Club open to all, music by Velvet Brass Band; $10 per person, $5 ages 17-30; no jeans or shorts.

Shawn Johnson Big Band

Jan. 13 Willmar, 7:30 p.m., The Barn Theatre; Live It Up Downtown concert by Shawn Johnson Big Band Experience; $30 general admission, $45 preferred seating and meet and greet, call 320-235- 9500.

Manual Cinema Ada/Ava

Jan. 21 St. Joseph, 7:30 p.m., Stephen B. Humphrey Theater; in a mesmerizing hybrid of cinema and live stage show, Manual Cinema uses the medium of shadow puppetry to create poignant and surreal stories, twin sisters Ada and Ava have lived their whole lives together until, suddenly, Ava dies. Ada is haunted by grief, solitarily marking time in the patterns of a life built for two; featuring more than 300 paper puppets, manipulated by five puppeteers, and three musicians performing an original score live, this “visually stunning” story is brought to life in full view of the audience; nothing is hidden behind the scenes; adults $22, seniors $19, students $10, call 320-363- 5777 or online at www. csbsju.edu/wow.

The Niskas

Jan. 27 Willmar, 7:30 p.m., The Barn Theatre; Live It Up Downtown concert by The Niskas; $20 general admission, call 320-235-9500.

Christmas laser show

Dec. 10, 17, 23, 24 Marshall, 7 p.m., Dec. 10, 17 and 23; 2 p.m. Dec. 24, Southwest Minnesota State University planetarium, SM 108; Christmas laser show lasting about one hour; $5; www.smsu.edu/planetarium.

29 Live it! Magazine

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“Holiday Variety Show” Dec. 16-18, 7:30 p.m. evening shows & 2 p.m. matinee Sunday only, $10 for students, $20 for adults.

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30 Live it! Magazine

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