TripLit with D. Major “Here’s Johnny!”

TripLit with D. Major “Here’s Johnny!”

Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. Stephen King—The Shining

Halloween is just around the corner which means for me it’s time to watch The Shining. It’s one of my very favorite movies of all time. That movie simply doesn’t age. It’s as terrifying to watch the first time as it is the twentieth time. Can you get any better? I can already hear responses from diehard Stephen King fans: “Yes, the book is better.” Okay, fine. Admittedly, the last hundred or so pages of The Shining I read standing up. But I was left wanting more. More as in I didn’t want it to end…not more in that I found the novel or the movie lacking. Thankfully, King wrote Doctor Sleep. Did that satisfy my need for more? Mmm…that’s a tough one. That book had a different impact on me because King was in a different headspace. Many view Doctor Sleep as a quintessential AA book. Both books gave me another dosage of the happy Torrance family, though. So, what’s a junkie like me to do?

Sorry for burying the hook, but hey, delayed gratification.

Da, da, da, dum…Book the “Here’s Johnny” package at the Hotel Clermont in Atlanta, Georgia. 

For my 40th birthday (hmmm…), my husband booked a horror-themed hotel package at Hotel Clermont, a well-known spot in Atlanta. But I have my own history with the hotel. I had the pleasure of an overnight stay prior to the renovations and survived to tell the tale. I’m not certain the hotel’s receptionist was among the living. For $30 a night you got a smoke-filled room oozing with mold. AND the unearthly sounds coming from your next door neighbors were complementary. How did I end up staying in such a classy place? A story for another day. Actually, the hotel was quite fashionable in its heyday. The infamous gangster, Al Capone, stayed at the hotel. Every hotel worth its salt needs a sordid past. If the walls could speak, they’d be screaming. I’m not suggesting that Hotel Clermont is haunted though the waitstaff at the hotel’s restaurant, Tiny Lou’s, said they felt “vibrations” in the restrooms. But I’m the nutjob who deliberately stays at haunted hotels—Menger in San Antonio, Hotel Monteleone in New Orleans, and The Marshall House in Savannah—so it’s more than likely the staff was feeding into phantasmagoric fantasies. Still, things tend to linger in these old hotels which makes Hotel Clermont ideal for the “Here’s Johnny” package. 

(SPOILER ALERT) WHAT COMES WITH YOUR HORROR-INSPIRED “HERE’S JOHNNY” PACKAGE:

Room Key #237: The room number became a controversial subject between King and Stanley Kubrick. In the book, it’s room #217. In the movie it’s room #237. Hotel Clermont took Kubrick’s side because we stayed in room #237. Naturally, being the King nerd that am I pointed this out to the staff. I was told that they didn’t have a room #217. I find that hard to believe, but I didn’t go hunting for the room, because the hallways were giving off massive Danny Torrance/Big Wheel vibes.

Sidebar: In the movie Doctor Sleep, King finally got room #217. Danny Torrance works in hospice and there’s a scene where he’s mopping the hallways and sees a cat going into one of the patient’s rooms. The cat has this uncanny ability and knows when someone’s time is up. So, kitty leads Danny to room #217 where he is officially named Doctor Sleep. Told you. Nerd. There’s also a shout out to Elm Street in Doctor Sleep, but I’m not giving that one away. Look for it.

Identical twin sisters. Hiring child actors would have created a more theatrical effect, but the package is only $237 which is surprisingly good deal for what you get especially if you make it out alive. These mannequins are not the Grady twins but are unnerving in their own right. 

Eerie atmosphere. Upon entering room #237, the soundtrack (on vinyl) for The Shining was playing along with the DVD of the movie. 

A bottle of Jack Daniels was next to a Royal typewriter with “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy” typed endlessly on paper. For the nerds, Jack Torrance’s character in the movie used an Adler Universal 39 Model, the same model used Kubrick used to type his scripts.

Two movie-inspired cocktails at the hotel bar. Check.

Redrum spelled out in red lipstick on the bathroom mirror. Nice touch. 

Jack Nicholson’s “Here’s Johnny” face plastered on the interior door. 

WHAT DOESN’T COME WITH THE

HERE’S JOHNNY PACKAGE:

Alas! The staff won’t chop down your bathroom door or even your room door—another point I brought up to the concierge the following morning. I mean I wanted immersive. Can you fathom the look I got from that fella? I’m willing to bet he told the rest of the staff that the crazy lady staying in room #237 was hoping they’d chop the door down. Not a cost effective experience but it sure would have been cool. By the way, Kubrick went through sixty doors filming the axe scene. 

What made up for the lack of axe action was the lovely MP3 player that went off at 2 AM playing Red Rum on a continuous loop. The staff hid that sucker well (it was stuck in between the mattress and the boxspring). It took at least ten minutes to hunt down the source. That was about the breaking point for my husband who was DEAD asleep. 

The Boiler Room. You don’t need the boiler room when you have what’s buried in the nether regions (pun intended) of Hotel Clermont. The infamous strip club, Clermont Lounge, resides beneath the hotel. It’s what you would expect from a crypt—dark, dank, with deadish things. Clermont Lounge is so famous that Anthony Bourdain (God bless) visited when he was filming The Layover. He hung out with Blondie whose claim to fame is crushing beer cans with her boobs. I really don’t like to use this expression, and I don’t even agree with it, but it’s common for locals to refer to the lounge as the place “where strippers go to die.”

On the subject of death or near death experiences, when developers purchased the decomposing Hotel Clermont everyone assumed the hotel would be demolished. It closed down for health violations in 2009 (wasn’t kidding about the oozing room) and remained rotting on Ponce de Leon Avenue waiting for someone to read it is last rites and plow it over. We would have to mourn the loss of another iconic Atlanta building. We’ve already lost some of the best dive bars on Ponce. Atlanta is a slash and burn city—the residual effect from Sherman’s March to the Sea. Historical preservation? What? We figured that if the hotel were resuscitated then surely the strip club would be put to death. But no!! Not his time you gentrification slut! This story has a happy ending. The hotel and the lounge are alive and kicking and waiting for you to visit. 

If you’re interested in getting your shine on, then you had better act quickly. The package runs during the month of October and there’s only one room #237, so book it now. Nope, I didn’t get paid by Hotel Clemont for this piece, but I should have.