the Mullet PhenoMenon

Breaking out like wildfire across the school, a new pandemic has emerged, and in its pathological wake no boys’ house has been spared. This article refers not to some mutation of Covid 19, but a far more virulent trend: the mullet phenomenon. For the last few months it has been difficult to identify any boy whose neck has not been marked by the unmistakeable mullet: the iconic ‘V,’ the lengthy back, the custom curl… All of these key components form the basis for an unspoken rule amongst the male students - namely, that this is the uniform of choice.

The majority of Wellington-brand mullets are DIY: the barbershop is a school bathroom and the barber some Sweeney Todd-esque megalomaniac, who likely cannot tell his left from right yet is still trusted to wield a set of clippers like a weapon of mass destruction. Unsurprisingly, the results are mixed! Nonetheless, whether you love it or hate it, the mullet movement is undeniable.

Yet, the nature of the mullet itself has changed, evolved even. In order to fully understand our current definition of the mullet, it is necessary to consider the history of this subversive hairstyle. BBC journalist Cassidy George claimed that the origins of the mullet hail back to Ancient Greece, where the warrior tribe, the Abantes, adopted the earliest conception of the mullet, which was described by the renowned poet Homer as ‘forelocks cropped, hair grown long in the back.’ Most historians, however, credit the 1980s as the decade that truly forged the mullet: the hairstyle that was supposedly ‘business in the front and party in the back’. The Eighties’ mullet was untameable, wild and exuberant, with an emphasis placed on the ‘party element’ of the elaborate coiffure.

For most of Generation X, images of this rambling and profuse Eighties’ hairstyle are called to mind at the mention of the rise of the mullet. However, the 21st century mullet is a slightly different adaptation of the original creation. This mullet is more moderate, perhaps, than the shaggy opus of the Eighties: it maintains the initial premise of being short in the front and long in the back, but operates on a pared back scale.

Despite exploring the history of the mullet, one is forced to consider why this hairstyle has only now experienced a resurgence. How did this haircut gain such extreme modern repute that GQ Magazine described it as ‘The must-have hairstyle of 2022?’. Most probable is the view that the resurgence of the mullet is emblematic of the cyclicality of all fashion trends. During the ‘90s and ‘00s, the mullet became the butt of a massive cultural joke, becoming the ultimate fashion faux-pas: ratty and greasy iterations were favoured by American ‘hicks,’ not models of ‘haute couture.’

(For a certain Southern American audience, the style never went out of fashion- see Joe Exotic from Netflix’s hit series ‘Tiger King’ for reference.) This disparagement of the mullet propelled it towards attaining cult-like status amongst an alternative audience, and inevitably this ‘alternative’ appeal catalysed its return to the mainstream.

Nevertheless, this is not to say that all criticism of mullets has dissipated. Mullets still incite much division in opinion: in a poll of one girls’ boarding house, 28% said that they disliked the mullet, whilst 72% disagreed, claiming that they were fans of the mullet. The majority of those polled came to a very similar conclusion: the success of the mullet depends on the person, and having curly hair is near essential. One female student claimed that she ‘strongly detests’ the mullet, whilst another added that ‘very few people can pull it off, and even then it is barely acceptable.’ This spells trouble for boys who are certain that their new mullet will ensure that elusive third walk… Critics of the mullet also predict that it will fall out of favour as quickly as it fell into favour, and even now questions of whether the style has had its day in the sun often crop up in modern mullet discourse.

Despite claims that the power of the mullet is waning, it is impossible to deny that the rapid return of the mullet is a phenomenon of sorts. The remarkable uptake of the mullet has been visible across numerous private schools, with one such institution, Tonbridge School, going so far as to ban the mullet entirely. Does the mullet, despite its unprecedented increase in popularity, warrant such extreme action? Maybe it doesn’t appeal to all members of the community; maybe grandmothers are provoked to grit their teeth at such ‘aberrations of hair;’ maybe the style does not conform to the rigorous status quo the same way a nice, neat-and-tidy crewcut would. Yet, as shallow as it sounds, hair is and will always continue to be a form of self-expression, and such self-expression should (within reason) be allowed to manifest in whatever organic form it so desires.

Plus, no one wants to take hair styling tips from their grandparents!

To readers, the Wellingtonian imparts this final thought: next time you visit the hairdresser, why not consider the mullet?