The many voices that ll my day REVIEW

Staff Repor ter Igor Studenkov, Francia Garcia Hernandez, Amaris Rodriguez

Senior Editor Bob Uphues

Digital Manager Stacy Coleman

Contributing Repor ters Tom Holmes, John Rice, Bob Skolnik, Jackie Glosniak, Robert J. Li a

Columnists Alan Brouilette, Jill Wagner, Tom Holmes, John Rice

Big Week Editor James Porter

Design/Production Manager Andrew Mead

Editorial Design Manager Javier Govea

Designer Susan McKelvey

S ales and Marketing Representatives

Lourdes Nicholls, Marc Stopeck, Kamil Brady

Business & Development Manager

Mary Ellen Nelligan

Circulation Manager Jill Wagner

Editor and Publisher Dan Haley

Special Projects Manager Susan Walker

During the winter, I was stuck in my house for so long, I started to hear voices. It began when I woke up

Bed: “Whoa, where you going, John? It’s only 7:00. C’mon back, I’m still war m.” As I tur n back toward the bed, however, there’s a voice from the next room.

Kitchen: “Yoo hoo, coffee’s on!” I stagger toward the coffee maker.

Bathroom: “Better stop in here first.” After I fill my first cup, I hear a voice from the living room.

TV: “This is TCM. Have you ever watched Singin’ in the Rain? It’s on right now.”

Phone: “It’s time to mindlessly scroll through news stories and social media posts.”

Bathroom: (Clearing throat) “Isn’t it about time we g et the show on the road?” I start to fill the bathtub

Kitchen: “Me again — you haven’t had your banana yet.” As I drop the peel into the container, Garbage speaks up, “Better get me out of here, before I smell any worse.” I pull on boots and shuffle out to the alley

Bathtub: (Alar med) “Hey, hey! Did you forget about me?!” I shut the overflowing water off and hear a muffled voice from the Medicine Cabinet. “Psst, I’ve got an antacid, think you might need it after that burrito last night.” All leaned up, I go to the bedroom to face my toughest chore.

Sock Drawer: “Hey, we’re in here. Bet you can’t match us.” Sure enough, it’s like playing oncentration. Each time I think I have two identical ones, I notice their subtle differences After settling for close-enough, I finish getting dressed

Shirt: “I don’t want to complain but I’m way past retirement age. Are you sure polyester is still in?” It’s finally time to start work.

Computer: “Important email — oh, sorry about that, I meant spam.” I click on the emails, but the computer interrupts me “Facebook, get your Facebook. And don’t forget to check Linked-In.” After staring at photos of food on Facebook, I find out 37 people want to connect with me on Linked-In Computer: “Isn’t it time we get some work done?”

Kitchen: “Ice-cold water in the fridge. Got to keep hydrated.” Retur ning with a bottle, the computer won’t shut up about all the articles I have to write.

Ed’s Way: (Shouting from a half-mile away) “I think you need a break and you haven’t made your daily visit.” While buying more bananas, ice tea and pork chops, I banter with the clerk. As I leave, I have the sinking feeling that my social life for the day is over

I can practically hear the computer screaming when I get home. But first, Mail: “Bill, bill, bill, flier, coupon — sorry, no check.” At the end of the day, the familiar voices begin again.

Kitchen: “Better get in here. These pork chops aren’t going to cook themselves.”

Bed: “First a nap, dinner can wait.” You guys are driving me crazy, I think, as I take out the pork chops. After a real conversation with my wife, the voices start up again.

TV: “It’s time to watch Singin’ in the Rain again.”

Couch: “Sit here, it’s soft.”

Fridge: “I have some cold ones inside, they’re not going to drink themselves.”

Car: (Ster nly) “Either call me in or put me away!”

Bed: “Why don’t you come read your book? I promise it will put you to sleep in five minutes.”

Detective Novel: “Hey, I heard that.”

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