Issuu

Ju ly - August 1994

The Mountain

Ju ly - August 1994 Voi. X in , No. 4

The Magazine o f the Christian Appalachian Project

Reaching Out in Lincoln County by Margaret Gabriel

But IPs Because He Loves Me by Margaret Gabriel

Family Life Counseling by the CAP News Service

CAP’S 3000 Santas by Beth Dotson CAP Closeup, page sixteen.

Departments 3 9 10 16 CAP Outreach, page four.

The heart o f it all

Random Thoughts Letters Around The Project The CAP Closeup

In helping people help themselves, the Christian Appalachian Project is involved in education for children and adults, and other programs that enable people to stand on their own. But if a mother comes for food for her three children, CAP outreach workers meet the immediate need, then depending on the situation, address the problem in such a way that eventually the family will be able to handle its own emergencies. On page four, you’ll meet Wanda Penman, one of about a dozen people who work in CAP’S outreach offices, helping people meet emer gency needs. On page eigh teen you’ll meet the women who manage CA P’S spouse abuse shelters, and learn of the ways that they help to heal victims, as well as children and perpetrators. CAP’S outreach also includes the Christmas basket pro gram, which you can learn about on page twenty-six. On the cover is Margaret Bowen, a participant in the outreach program in Lincoln County. Margaret’s also known as the “livestock lady.” (Photo by Lorraine Corsale)

Published by the Christian Appalachian Project. Editor: Margaret Gabriel. A d viso ry Board: Father Ralph W . Beiting, Mike McLaughlin, Bill Begley, Ike Adams, Barbara Delmonico, Katie Newsome, Beverly Potter. G ra p h ic D esigner: Elizabeth Reed Miller. Circu la U o n : Linda Grider East. The M o u n ta in Sp irit is published six times a year. The annual subscription price is $6.00. Subscriptions and other correspondence should be sent to The M o u n ta in Sp irit, Christian Appalachian Project, 322 Crab Orchard Road, Lancaster, Kentucky 40446. Copyright 1994, The Christian Appalachian Project, Inc. All rights reserved. Member, Catholic Press Association. The Christian Appalachian Project is a non-profit Christian service organization operating throughout Appalachia. The project operates on the philosophy that “helping people help themselves” is the best approach to Appalachian poverty. A summary of the registration and financial documents filed by this organization can be obtained by contacting: in New York, Secretary of State, O ffice of Charities Registration, 162 VAshington A ve., Albany, N Y 12231; in Maryland, for the cost erf'copies and postage, the Secretary of State, State House, Annapolis, M D 21401 (all financial information is available from the Secretary of State for the cost of postage and copying); in Pennsylvania, residents may call the Pennsylvania Department of State at 1-800-732 0999; in West Virginia, the Secretary of State, State Capitol, Charleston, W V 25305; in Virginia, the State Division of Consumer Affairs, P.O . Box 1163, Richmond, V A 23209. Washington State residents may obtain a copy of the last report filed with the Washington Secretary o f State by calling toll free within Washington, 1-800-332-4483. In Florida, residents may call the Division of Consumer Services at 1-800-HELP-FLA. Or write to Christian Appalachian Project, 322 Crab Orchard Road, Lancaster, K Y 40446. Our license number in Michigan is M IC S 9933. Registration with any of the above government agencies does not imply endorsement by the state.

The Mountain Spirit

Random Thoughts Katie Mclnnis-Dittrich I’ll never forget the morning I watched a family of six digging through smoldering embers looking for anything salvageable in the ruins of what had been their home. A spark from a faulty flue had quickly ignited the old log cabin. The house went so fast no one bothered to call the fire department. No friendly Red Cross volunteers were on the scene. No helpful insurance agent was assessing the damage, comforting the family with an offer of immediate cash assistance. It was just me —the CAP Jackson County outreach worker at her first “burnout." “Do you think you can help us get another cat?” a blue-eyed little girl pleaded through tears. “I can’t find Buster.” At that moment (and many since) I realized something very important. I have taught crisis intervention and social work practice for many years as a professor at Marquette University but little of what I had been teaching to my own students seemed useful in this situation. It all seemed too stiff, too formal, too theoretical. The human element of working with people in crisis seemed to be missing. A few phone calls and some sooth ing words would not make the devastation disappear for this family. My real-life crisis intervention education began that morning among the ashes. When I return to campus this fall, I will have a practical wisdom to share with my students that they will not find in their books. First, people do not fit a formula when it comes to a crisis like fire, flood or medical emergency. People I would have predicted would be totally dysfunctional in a

May - Ju n e 1994

crisis situation have often main tained a calm, thoughtful pres ence. Others who seemed to have it all together are immobilized with terror. Crises can bring out a strength in people we might otherwise not know is there. One cold winter morning, I asked a young mother with a very sick child (in an unheated trailer) how she was holding up. She replied, “The Lord will not let me be tested beyond my powers to endure.” She believed that; I am not sure I could have in her situation. The power of personal faith is a critical component in helping people cope with crises. I know that fact is never stressed enough in formal education about crisis intervention. For those faced with the perpetual life crises that poverty brings, their faith in God may be all they have to hold on to. Second, I have learned that what a family in crisis thinks is important and what a caseworker might see as important can be worlds apart. The family I de scribed earlier, who had lost their home, is a good example. Finding another cat for this family was the farthest thing from my mind initially. Food, shelter and cloth ing seemed ultimately more important. However, more out of desperation that careful planning, I found a new cat for the family within an hour. When the chil dren were calmed down (and sufficiently distracted) it was much more productive to sit down with the parents and make short-term plans for the family. Nowhere does the crisis intervention literature discuss the necessity of employing nonconventional methods when the situation warrants them. For those children, though, the kitten

represented the hope that life would someday return to normal. Third, as devastating as crisis is for the people of Appalachia, it may be the only time there is an appreciable change in their lives. No doubt, leaving an abusive husband or losing a home to a flood or fire is a tragic event. However, a chance to wipe the slate clean with a new life or better living arrangements may be a blessing in disguise. All CAP programs that deal with crisis intervention work toward the goal of a markedly improved life after the crisis whenever possible. Finally, I have learned that professional emotional distance is not always realistic or advisable, an insight which contradicts every theoretical teaching in crisis intervention. It is impossible to sit with a family while they wait through a child’s pneumonia or watch them bury their 97-year-old grandmother or share the thrill of the season’s first tomato without feeling something. To live and work here is to share both joys and sorrows, not from the distance of an observer but from the stance of a friend and neighbor. A wiser teacher returns to the classroom in September, thanks to a chance to share in both common and unique crises of the people of Appalachia. As I dust off my textbooks, may the little blue-eyed girl with the new kitten always remind me that our best teachers are often outside the classroom.

Katie Mclnnis-Dittrich is a volunteer who works as the outreach worker in Jackson County. Katie has a Ph.D. in social work, and will teach at Boston College in the fall.

Reaching Out In Lincoln County CAP has outreach programs in eleven counties in eastern Kentucky, and there are hopes for several more. Each county has its own individual charisma, as do the workers in each county. In Lincoln County, the work of Wanda Penman (pictured below talking to Helen Lawless) gives insight into the activities of CAP workers who are "on the front lines."

♦ story and photos by Margaret Gabriel ♦ 4

The Mountain Spirit

^A^anda Penman caught on fast to her job as a caseworker in the Christian Appalachian Project outreach program. And after she caught on, she was ready to give up. “I wasn’t prepared for the emo tions, the conflicts. I couldn’t accept the fact that I couldn’t do everything. I want to do everything and I can’t do it,” Wanda said. “It was a hard thing for me to deal w ith.” Like outreach workers in six counties in the Garrard County service area and five in counties surrounding CAP’S administrative offices in Floyd County, Wanda’s work falls into three categories: the garden program, Christmas baskets and emergency assis tance. In emergency assistance, workers help families through a variety of problems, from overdue heating bills to a food shortage to a lack of transportation. “I went home disgusted every day because there was no way I could do everything for everybody who came to me. My poor children were suffering because I stepped in the house with a bad attitude every night.” The family that “pushed her over the edge,” as she said, had called for a load of wood. “They had been breaking up the furniture and burning it,” Wanda said. “The guy that I normally buy wood from didn’t have any. I sat here until well after six o’clock trying to find wood. I should have just given them the money, and let them find the wood. But that wasn’t good enough for me. I had to do it —not only supply the money, but find the wood and even load it on my truck and take it to the house, if I had to. Long after I should have been with my own family I finally went home." After getting dinner on the table and her two children in bed, Wanda couldn’t get the family out o f her mind. “I tossed and turned and flipped and flopped until it about drove me cra2y . Finally, I sat straight up in bed and had me a little talk with God. I told him that if this was what he wanted me to do, he was going to have to help me deal with it, ‘cause I couldn’t do it by myself. Right then and there, I knew I Ju ly - August 1994

in Stanford. After her office hours, she hits the road, visiting fam ilies who are working through tough times, or who have used her services in the past

would be able to do this job and be able to live with the fact that I couldn’t do everything for everybody. In fact, I realized that doing everything for everybody, like I was trying to do, wasn’t helping them at all. “I’ve had to learn not to take on more problems than I need to. It’s not easy to do, but the hardest part has been to learn to let go. I had to learn to let people do for themselves. I’ll be their support system, but I cannot do it all for them. I can’t and I shouldn’t.” Wanda’s own experience led her to try and take on the problems of the people who came for help. As a young mother living on welfare, Wanda remembers wishing that she could hand her problems over to someone to take care of for her. She remembers feeling overwhelmed by her responsibilities, and thinking that she couldn’t do any more. “When I started working, I wanted to keep other people from feeling that way, if I could.” Wanda graduated from Lincoln County High School, went to Kentucky State University in Frankfort, Kentucky, earned a degree in criminal justice education and moved to Lexington, where she looked for

When a job opened for a CAP outreach caseworker in Lincoln County, Wanda applied to work in the county where she was bom and raised. Her experience raising children on welfare gives her an insight few other outreach workers have. “I’m going to be the last person to tell you that finding a job and getting a nice place to live is going to come just like that. It’s not. You have to plug at it, and there are going to be days you ask yourself why you’re doing it.

areas fa r from the county seat

a job for two years. With a family to support, Wanda told herself that if she was going to live on welfare, she’d be better off in the country, so she moved back home. “That was doubly hard —to have a college degree and still not be able to find a job.” Wanda took a secretarial course, which led to a temporary job with CAPRICE, CAP’S training program for adults with disabilities. “I remember it well —I was living on a welfare check, a big $162 a month. I was standing on the table, putting plastic on my windows to keep out the cold when Teresa [McAnly, see page sixteen] called. A lady at the community action agency was bound and determined to find me a job, so she had given me a reference. I went to high school with Teresa, so I interviewed and they hired m e.”

“But when people are sitting here and there are bills they can’t pay because they just don’t have enough money, I can’t sit here with an attitude that says, ‘well, get you a job .’ It’s not that simple. Having been in the position that a lot o f these people are in has made me a little more sympathetic. I know how discouraging it can be when you’ve tried and you’ve tried and you’ve tried and you don’t seem to be doing any better. “The wages from a minimum wage job nowhere near compensate for money that people receive from welfare or SSI (Supple mental Security Income) and food stamps. I hate to say this but, how can I advise anyone to risk losing their medical insur ance for a minimum wage job? Your take-

It was a only a temporary job, but even so, Wanda gave up her welfare and the allimportant medical insurance for her family, so she could take a chance at something better. When the temporary job became permanent, “I had to apply just like everybody else. I had an edge because I had been working there, but that was no guarantee —I wasn’t confident about it at all.” She got the job, though, and worked as a secretary, then as administrative assistant for CAPRICE for three years.

The Mountain Spirit

home pay is going to be less than what you were drawing on welfare and you’re going to lose some o f your food stamps, and child care is going to take a big chunk out of a lot o f pay checks.”

“H ere g o those rules again! I have to stretch them ju s t a little hitV )>9

So, it’s not easy, Wanda says, but she’s there to do anything she can to help people get on their feet. She has a lot of freedom to handle problems in the way that she thinks is going to be most effec tive. “I sit down and think problems through, and get some advice from Bev [Potter, outreach manager] if I need it. We have rules and regulations, but with this kind of job you have to bend ’em and stretch ‘em. They never quite remain stable. You have deal to with each family on a one-to-one basis. You think to your self, here go those rules again; I have to stretch them just a little bit!” Wanda said that many of her families can do better with a little coaching on how to stretch their resources. “When you have a set amount of money that you’re living on, you have to make some hard, fast choices about what is most important to you. Some people don’t realize the money they waste that could pay a bill. I try to get them to look at their priorities.” A lot of people know that they can rely on the system; that CAP and several other agencies will help them when they need help. Wanda tries to break her families away from that thinking, telling them that her assis tance, eventually, will come to an end. “If you come in here and you need food, fine, I’m going to take care of

Wanda stops to visit with a woman she had helped in the past Here, the woman’s frien d tells Wanda that she gone to Richmond, Kentucky to take her GED exam.

Ju ly - August 1994

that immediate need, and I’m not going to ask you why you don’t have food. But if you come back and you need food the next month, then w e’re going to sit down and figure out why you don’t have food this month. Are you running out of food stamps, or are you wasting food stamps?” Wanda has taken families to the grocery, to teach them how to shop, how to stretch those dollars or food stamps as far as they can be stretched. “One woman had enough food stamps to see her through a month, but she didn’t know how to shop with them. For two solid months, we went shopping together. I told her how to buy food in bulk; instead of buying an indi vidual package of hamburger for each night, she bought one big package and cut it up. Nobody’d ever taught her how to do that. “A lot of people don’t think about tomorrow. They’ll come in here, and I wonder why they wait until today, usually the last possible minute before the electric ity is shut off. When you start out at the first of the month with a welfare check of $343, and you’ve got this, that and the other to pay, most people will come up short at the end of the month.” Many of Wanda’s families are still trying to catch up the heating bills that resulted from the sub-zero temperatures and ice storms during the winter of 1994. In one month alone, Wanda met with 69 new people who needed help with heating bills in the four to five hundred dollar range. CAP generally can loan or give a family $100 toward a utility bill. In the face of bills that are three or four times that amount, Wanda suggests that families talk to the utility company and ask what is the least amount they can pay to keep service for the month. When that amount exceeds the amount CAP can pay, Wanda suggests other resources and encourages the family to pay as much as they possibly can. In

m e.’ I chased her down and got her to give me a chance, but sure enough, I pulled her file and started reading it —I couldn’t believe some of the things she’d told Anna. “I wonder sometimes whether my having grown up here is a disadvantage to the people. How many folks who really need help won’t come because they don’t want me to know their business? I think that happens. I tell as many people as I can that anything they tell me stays here in this office, locked up in that filing cabinet. That’s confidential. I’m not going to talk with my neighbors and tell their business all over the streets. I hope word gets out that I can be trusted. Then maybe they will come in .”

visiting in Lincoln County.

only very rare cases does Wanda take responsibility. Usually, she engages in a collaborative effort, as she works with the family —rather than for the family —to solve the problem. “They’re responsible for the balance of the bill, but with the largest part paid, they can pay the rest of it a little at a time over the next few months. Even so, without CAP being here, a lot of folks would be a lot worse off. W e’re going to be here when other resources have run out.” Wanda trusts her instincts, and said that her personal experience with entitlement programs often helps her make the decisions she needs to make. Living in Lincoln County most of her life gives her an edge, too, she said. “When I first started working here, a lady came to the office who had been running one heck of a scam on poor Anna [Wanda’s predecessor, a former volunteer]. When she stepped around the comer and saw me sitting here, she said, ‘I might as well leave; I know you’re not going to help

A woman who had borrowed money several weeks earlier poked her head in the office door to ask Wanda to keep her eye out for a couple o f used beds that she could buy. She told Wanda that she knew of a sale coming up at a local furniture store, and that if she had to, she could buy the beds on credit, if she couldn’t find them used. “I’ve seen her come a long w ay,” Wanda said. “She can afford to make a payment for beds now. She’s pulled herself way up, with help from CAP and some other agencies. She manages her money well, now, and if she buys those beds, she might pay a little more for them, but then she’ll have some credit.” Wanda said that problems with self esteem almost always accompany what ever financial problems people may be having. “I tell them they deserve better. And I tell them that unless they believe that, they’re always going to be sitting here with tears running down their face. I don’t have a lot of pity parties for folks. I used to have them for myself, until I decided I could sit around and cry my eyes out or I could get up and do something for myself. Basically, I tell people it’s okay to feel sorry for yourself for a minute, but feeling sorry for yourself ain’t gonna get nothin’ done. You can feel sorry for yourself for the rest of your life or you can do something about it. “And I tell them I’ll do everything I possibly can to help them .”

The Mountain Spirit

Letters to the Editor The spiritual overtones in all the stories, and the loving concern shown to those in dire need underlines the faith and love with which they serve one another. Father Beiting has been successful in creating a Christian community. I am more than impressed, I’m deeply moved as I read your interesting magazine. Thank you for the opportunity. Mrs. Jo h n P. Hearn Portland, OR

The M ountain Spirit is a very good report on life there in Appalachia and helps us to understand what your problems there are and how CAP is working to solve the problems. It is very good to hear of your progress made there. I pray for you daily. Mrs. Phyllis Butler Boise, ID

I love Kentucky, I love your magazine and your loving and caring spirit. So happy to see Reverend Beiting’s picture again and to know he is all right. May God shower his favors and blessings upon all of you —please keep on keeping on for their sake. Lana K ouri Hollywood, FL

I love this magazine. It is good to know there is love and a helping hand that works so well. The local newspapers seldom give us a positive side of goodness. Mrs. J . Ross Hanahan Atlanta, GA I teach pre-school in Lewiston, Idaho (Head Start) so I really enjoy seeing and hearing about your pre school experiences. The Mountain Spirit is a really interesting and thought-provoking magazine. Betty Huffm an Lewiston, ID

We may not know each other that well and may be many miles apart; yet we are close and are neighbors. It is so reassuring to know that through CAP we can help those that need our support. My contribution is minimal to be sure. However I feel very good in knowing that if I only have a dime I can give it freely to someone that has not even that. Agapito G. Morales San Pedro, CA

I enjoy The Mountain Spirit so very much. I read it from cover to cover and many times after a month or so, I read it again.

I’m glad to be a part o f your ministry. Each issue, too, of The M ountain Spirit is full of inspiring stories and articles. I pause many a time to reflect on things I take for granted. May God continue to bless the work of your hearts and hands.

I send a small contribution to the work in Appalachia whenever I can. Sure wish I could do more. But God will surely bless your good work there.

Angela Frank Pine Grove, PA

Nita B. Burley Bremerton, WA

I am very grateful for every issue o f The M ountain Spirit which enables me to get an inside view into the lives o f the people that CAP so unselfishly serves, and of the CAP organization itself. Praise be to God for all your good works! Mrs. William E. Mueller Two Rivers, WI

Your Mountain Spirit magazine is really great; once you start reading, it’s hard to stop. I believe that is because it is down to earth. It is a very truthful magazine with articles that are appealing to most readers, so please keep up the good work. Joseph P. Rosenberger, Sr. BelAir, M D God is spirit. God is love. And through this spirit and love, our Heavenly Father sent us Jesus Christ. Through this loving Savior, His obedience and love, we have the blessings, help, and love of the precious Holy Spirit. Through the Holy Spirit we represent Christ. We are the Body o f Christ, worldwide, and we love, and live for Him. We bring Christ to others. Your M ountain Spirit, indeed the whole CAP mission, brings the Spirit and love to those you are working for and helping. Thank you! Betty Kelley Cincinnati, OH Letters to the editor are welcome. They should not exceed 150 words in length, and we reserve the right to edit them fo r space. Address letters to The Mountain Spirit, Christian Appalachian Project, 322 Crab Orchard Road, Lancaster, K Y 40446.

Ju ly -A u g u st 1994

------ Around the Project — CAP Child Development and Elderly Get Together To highlight April as InterGenerational Month the Christian Appalachian Project’s programs for elderly people joined with the CAP Child Development Center in Berea in a program that enabled the children and the seniors to share gifts, both literally and figuratively. More than sixty people from Lincoln, Estill, Rockcastle, Jackson and Madison counties who participate in CAP’S elderly visitation program and who live at the Emmaus Christian Life Center gathered in Berea. The children greeted the elderly people, sang songs and gave each person a bandanna tie and a tie holder which they had fashioned during their creative time at school. The seniors gave each child a toy stuffed elephant, and shared snacks with them. “The primary advantage is just getting them together,” said Peggy Patrick, Emmaus manager. “There aren’t as many inter-generational opportunity as you might think. Families are so busy, and many grandparents live far away. Kids need to know older people. They need the affection and affirmation they get. Oddly enough, elderly people get those same strokes from the kids.” Peggy is planning an large event that will mix elderly people with older children. “With the little kids, it’s funny and cute, but when we can get the older kids in volved, there’s more of an agenda. We want to pass along traditions and culture. You know, if we don’t make these opportunities, they’ll be lost.”

At their April gathering, participants o f CAP’S elderly visitation program and residents o f the Emmaus Christian Life Center hosted students from CAP Child Development, in Berea. Guy Patrick, husband o f Emmaus manager Peggy Patrick, entertains the children and seniors.

Outreach Worker Coaches in Budgeting Outreach caseworker Elizabeth Miller has been working for the last several months on a one-day presentation on budgeting skills, which will be available to people who receive emergency assistance from the CAP outreach offices in Floyd, Knott, Lawrence, Martin and Magoffin counties. The workshop is designed to teach folks about the process of budget ing on a tight income. The seminar begins with a welcome, and moves to a lecture, and a demonstration which gives participants some hands-on experience and concludes with lunch. “First we’ll let them go shop ping, then give them play money to see how well they’ve matched their needs with their resources,” Elizabeth said.

“W e’re going to work first with our own people, but we’ve had interest from several other agencies,” she said. “It’s doing well; I think it will really help people.” Judy Crum, manager of CAP’S outreach program in the eastern counties thinks that the workshop will be a big success. “I listened to Elizabeth’s presentation —it was wonderful. I think people will really enjoy it. W e’ve already got about 15 agencies interested in sending people.”

Christian Appalachian Project is a participating agency in the Combined Federal Cam paign. Federal and military employees can contribute to CAP by designating #0898 on the CFCpledge card.

The M o u n ta in Spirit

around the project. . . continued

What Can I do to Help CAP? CAP supporters often ask what more they can do to help elimi nate suffering in Appalachia. First, you can tell others o f the prob lems in Appalachia which you learn about in The Mountain Spirit and other CAP publications. Please share this magazine with a friend and w e’ll send a replace ment. Ask us about any of the problems in Appalachia and w e’ll be happy to share any knowledge we have or to refer you to another organization that can help you. Secondly, you can give us a most valuable commodity —time. Since volunteers first arrived in 1950, millions of hours have been

donated to helping the people of Appalachia help themselves. If you would like to volunteer three weeks or more, contact The Mountain Spirit and w e’ll pass the information to the volunteer office.

The Christian Appalachian Project programs were chosen because o f their years of experi ence working with families of young children, and because they have demonstrated a commitment o f service that focuses on families. The handbook will examine legal and advocacy details, parent resources, explanation o f due process, sensitivity to the grief cycle experience by parents and explanations of special services. The purpose is to break down what can be a complicated and

July-August 1994

Please notify us of any change of address to make sure you receive every issue of The Mountain Spirit please print

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Finally, our most powerful form of assistance is prayer. We believe that if our supporters spend at least one minute a day praying for poor people everywhere, moun tains can be moved, the course of rivers changed. The CAP family forms a powerful prayer network reaching into Appalachia and across the nation.

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strenuous process and provide parents with step-by-step guid ance into public education. Three parents have been asked to assist in the writing o f the handbook, including Sue Grimes, whose daughter, Brittany, transitioned into public schools through CAP’S Sunshine Center. “Transitioning into public school is often a very difficult and painful experience for parents,” said Kathleen Leavell, manager of Parents-Are-Teachers. “The whirlwind of evaluations, meet ings, placements, written educa tion plans can hit a parent hard, to the extent that it can knock them into the same shock they experi enced at the birth of their child or the onset of disability. Often a parent re-experiences feelings of denial, anger, intense fear and hurt. It’s important parents know about the support that’s there from people who have worked in the field, but more important, from other parents who have gone through this, too.”

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Kentucky to Use CAP Programs as Models Parents-Are-Teachers and CAP’S child development centers have been chosen as two o f several model programs that are partici pating in the “Kentucky Transition Project,” a collaboration which will create a handbook to be used to assist parents o f children with special needs make the transition to public school. The targeted completion date is August of 1994, when the handbook will be reviewed by parents before final printing.

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Mail to: The Mountain Spirit, 322 Crab Orchard Road, Lancaster, Kentucky 40446.

C D C Manager Attends Training Teri Mehler, manager of CAP Child Development in Berea attended five days of training in Flat Rock, North Carolina in May. The federal program sponsored by the Department of Education assembled people from five states who provide early intervention for children. This summer, Kentucky’s attendees will formulate a plan to implement a system for early intervention services in the state. The multi-disciplinary group includes nurses, psychologists, speech, occupational and physical therapists and parents of children with disabilities. “When we finish I will be able to train people in CAP who work with children with disabilities, as well as other people in the state,” Teri said.

around the project. . . continued

Lettershop Begins Recycling Program Rodney Miracle, manager o f the Christian Appalachian Project lettershop, has initiated a recy cling program at the administra tive offices in Lancaster. CAP was encouraged to make a greater effort to recycle by the city of Lancaster, which has been asked to reduce its landfill materi als by 20 percent. An effort by the administrative offices to recycle cardboard, computer paper, copy paper, stationery, and miscella neous items will make a major contribution to that percentage. program fo r CAP’S administrative office in Lancaster.

Rodney began by involving his co-workers in the lettershop, then expanded the crusade to include people in the rest of the building through a “Love Your Mother Earth” campaign. Once, and sometimes twice, a week Rodney takes materials to the recycling center in Lancaster. “Over the past year we have eliminated 20 percent of our

Attention Retirees! If you are a CAP donor, or are considering becoming one, you may be eligible to double your gift through your past employer's matching gift program. Many companies today match monetary support to non-profit community service organizations that are sup ported by their past and present employees. Please write for your bro chure "Double Your Dollars," which lists participating companies and instructions. Send correspondence to Teresa McAnly, CAP, 322 Crab Orchard Road, Lancaster, KY 40446.

waste just by changing the way supplies are packaged and shipped to us,” Rodney said. “W e’re taking two truckloads of mostly paper and cardboard a w eek,” Rodney said. “Ninety percent is from the lettershop, but it’s growing in other places, too. When we first started, people thought we were getting paid for it, then I explained that we needed to do it to preserve the

environment —to save trees for our kids. I saw two bales o f milk jugs at the recycling center, and they looked a heck of a lot better baled up than they would on the river bank.” In a further effort to reduce waste, CAP uses recyclable materials in letters that it mails to supporters throughout the country, which can be included in local recycling programs.

Operation Sharing Distributes Items Throughout Eastern Kentucky Operation Sharing, CAP’S inkind donation distribution program never fails to amaze in its creative use of donations from dozens of companies. Hallmark, for example, donated gift wrap ping paper and ribbons, which Operation Sharing was able to give to Head Start programs throughout eastern Kentucky. “They’ll use it to wrap the presents they give to the kids at the end of the school year,” said Operation Sharing manager Charlie Deaton. A load of “Sheer W eave,” which is normally used for lawn chairs,

got a creative use by community action groups and small churchrelated home repair project. Charlie said they used it for porches and window repair. “We can think o f a way to use just about anything,” Charlie said. More conventional home repair supplies have been in use this summer, with the donation of insulation and ceramic tile. “W e’ve gotten 60 trailer loads of tile that’s been used in our new building in Paintsville, and in churches and fellowship halls all throughout eastern Kentucky,” Charlie said.

The Mountain Spirit

around the project. . . continued

What You Don't Know About Wills Can Hurt Your H eirs.. . Find Out Why. Request Your Free Copy.

Teens who drop in at the Rockcastle Teen Center observe National Youth Service Day in Mount Vernon. CAP teen centers in Garrard and Floyd counties are involved in sim ilar projects.

Teen Center P articipates in Service D a y Youths and teenagers at the Rockcastle Teen Center observed National Youth Service Day on April 19 by cleaning and sprucing up areas in the county. Twenty-one pre-teenagers and 11 teenagers picked up trash and planted flowers around the teen center, picked up trash along Lake Linville, and cleaned up Albert Smith’s yard in Mount Vernon. Je ff Burchett, manager o f the teen center, said the teens who Respecting the wishes o f deceased loved ones or in honor o f them, fam ilies often request that memorials be sent to us. Mem orial gifts live on to benefit others. M any also specify memorial gifts in their wills. A ny size giß is welcome. Contact us fo r more information.

Ju ly -A u g u st 1994

drop in at the center after school participate in the state Adopt-AHighway program so trash was picked up along the designated area. Other youths mowed and trimmed the yard and emptied and cleaned canning jars for Mr. Smith, who had recently come home from the hospital. National Youth Service Day is an annual public awareness and education campaign designed to broaden national, regional, and local recognition of the impact of organized youth service. It celebrates the hundreds of thousands of hours young people contribute each day in addressing our country’s most pressing social problems. The Christian Appalachian Project salutes the service that is provided by young people through the Rockcastle and Garrard Teen Centers and the teen and youth centers in Martin.

Much of what you know about wills may be misinformation that has been floating around for years. If you think, for example, that wills are primarily for rich people, or the elderly, you may be the victim of a common misconcep tion. The helpful booklet offered here will explain how your will can save your heirs from costly delays and confusion. Send for your copy today.

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Christian Appalachian Project 322 Crab Orchard Road Lancaster, Kentucky 40446 Please send without obligation, your booklet, "37 Things People 'Know' About Wills That Aren't Really So." N a m e _____________________________ Address ________________ C it y ______________________ State________________ ZIP

__________________ around the project. . . continued_____________

C H A P H osts Third Annual Leadership Conference The third annual Women’s Leadership Conference had a reunion feel to it, according to Brenda Wireman, manager of Community Health Advocates. The conference gathered partici pants o f women’s groups that meet in three counties for a week o f learning and sharing at Camp Shawnee in Floyd County.

A broad range of ages makes the conference unique: Women in their early twenties mix well with women in their late fifties. “The older women give a sense of home to the younger women,” Brenda said. “The older women feel secure with younger women that could handle an emergency. The older women can sit and tell stories and the young women can

listen and learn, and still have time to play ball and get out the paddle boats. We took a nature walk one day and the older women were able to identify a lot of the vegetation in the woods; the younger women enjoyed that.” “It’s like one happy fam ily,” Brenda said. “That’s why they’ve come for the w eek.”

Sixty to seventy-five women, half of whom stayed at Camp Shawnee throughout the week, enjoyed making crafts and learning line dancing as they shared company and good times. Guest speakers addressed serious issues of the day. Kentucky State trooper Eddie Crum spoke about self-defense; Dr. Mary Fox, retired director o f the public health department in Pike County, updated information about AIDS and HIV which she gave last year. “Carol McDaniel spoke to the women about quilts, which they really related to ,” Brenda said. Carol is the director of the Youth and Family Resource Center of region eight, based in Frankfort and Morehead, Kentucky. “She said that our lives have pieces and all the pieces are woven together. At the end of our lives, we select what goes into our quilt. She talked about making choices about how that quilt is made up.” The women made crafts every day which seemed to be the activity the women enjoyed most, Brenda said. “The things we do are very simple, so they have a real sense of accomplishment. One of our women, Ruby, made so many crafts this week that I asked her what she was going to do with them all. She said, ‘I’ll use 'em for Christmas presents, honey!’ She’s thinking six months down the road —I’ll bet she’d never done that in her life!”

ence sponsored by Community Health Advocates. For Kathy, the conference is a day awayfrom her usual duties as an administrative assistant in the Martin adminis trative office.

Seniors Receive College Scholarships About sixty graduating seniors will receive financial assistance for college through the Christian Appalachian Project Community Service Scholarship program. Scholarships will be distributed in thirty-two counties. Scholarship program manager Glen Taul coordinates local groups in each of the counties where the scholarships are distributed. Graduating seniors submit applications to those committees which decide on the scholarship recipients. Most of the counties receive $1000 in scholar ship money, although counties

with more than one high school receive more money. The local committees determine whether to divide the award or to give it to one student. While grades, class standing and need are important criteria for the scholarships, the student’s community service is the deciding factor, according to Glen. “Most of kids we give money to go to college, but some go to business and vocational schools. They usually use the money to buy books or to help out with room and board.”

The M o u n ta in Sp irit

------------ around the project. . . continued

CAP Volunteer Builds a Bridge When one hears o f a Christian Appalachian Project volunteer building a bridge, the image that comes to mind is usually figura tive, but Tim Montowski chal lenged that image recently. Tim works in the elderly visitation program in Floyd County, and Joann, a lady in his program needed a new bridge across the creek, so she could reach her elderly brother and his two sons who are mentally disabled. “She’d been climbing down the bank and into the creek, or walking all the way around when it was too w et,” said human development program manager Donna Turner. “I got the local magistrate to deliver some

support poles for a new bridge, but they were so much bigger than I thought they’d be, we didn’t know how to move them.” Tim was sitting on one of the logs one day, Donna said, ponder ing the problem and praying for a solution. “He sat there talking it over with God, when a neighbor came along driving a four-wheel drive and asked if he could help. As they talked, another neighbor with a four wheel drive came along and between the three of them they got the job done.” Tim plans to finish the bridge with planks and a hand rail, Donna said. “It’s great what happens when everyone works together —especially with the Lord.”

CAP volunteer Tim Montowski pauses fo r a moment as he continues construction o f a bridge fo r a Floyd Countyfam ily.

Wanna bring a smile to an Appalachian family? Wanna know how? A CAP Christmas Basket! If you would like to take part in our Christmas basket program (see page 26) • let us know the size family you would like to sponsor. (Gifts for each person in the family should cost between $15 and $25.) We'll send you infor mation about your family, including ages and sizes, and a few gift suggestions; • after you finish your shopping, wrap and label gifts with the name of each person; • then mail your boxes of gifts to CAP by or before November 2 1,1 9 9 4 , to ensure that we receive them during the first week in December.

n I would like to sponsor:______small family (1-2 children),________ medium family (3-4 children),_______ large family (5-6 children),________ extra large family (8 or more children) and parents. TO TAL NUM BER O F FAMILIES S P O N S O R E D _______________________ _______ I am not able to shop for a needy Appalachian family but I have included a contribution that will enable you to provide gifts and food for a family. $ __________________ $75.00 will provide gifts for a family of five. $20.00 will provide a Christmas food box for one family. Any amount you choose will help us share the joy of Christ's birth with an Appalachian family. N a m e ______________________________________________________________________________

A ddress_________________________________________________________ _____________ ___

C ity __________________________________ _

State ___________ Zip ____________

Phone (please include area code)

i_____________________________________________ ____________ ____________________________

That's all there is to it! Your Appalachian family will have a Christmas they'll never forget and you'll know that you've contributed to the real meaning of the birth of Christ. We look forward to hearing from you! July-August 1994

The CAP Closeup “You can't sit in an office and then , with zeal, talk to som eone about the issu e s . . . ” Workers at the Christian Appalachian Project administra tive offices in Lancaster know from the way she’s dressed what Teresa McAnly will be doing each day. On days she’s wearing her pumps and her blue suit, she might be meeting with someone in state government or with a corporate public relations officer. On days she’s wearing her sneakers and blue jeans, she might be working at a home repair site

or a CAP child development center. It’s good that CAP’S assistant manager of corporation and foundation grants feels comfortable in both settings. Her job consists of a good deal of both. Teresa worked at CAPRICE, CAP’S training program for adults with disabilities when the pro gram operated in Stanford, as well as Somerset. She began as adminis trative secretary, worked her way

up to assistant manager, then worked as manager for almost three years. Her experience in human development is one of the things that suits her well to her position in development. With manager Ike Adams, Teresa approaches corporations and foundations that make contributions to non-profit organizations and tries to interest them in CAP’S work. “I do research in advance, so that when I go to a corporation, I know their interest. When I’m giving a presentation, I can briefly go over general CAP history and skip to things that w e’re doing now," Teresa said. “If they’re interested in education, I talk about the work we’re doing in adult education and child development, and the results o f those programs. CAP does so many things, that it can be overwhelming, but I try to target one or two things. Different corporations are interested in different things, but education is a really hot issue right now .” Her experience with CAPRICE gives Teresa credibility that might be lacking in a person who tries to describe CAP’S work, but has never worked directly with the people CAP serves. “In this position I can be involved with all o f CAP. When you’re in your own

Teresa said the m ostfun she’s had all year was climbing on a roof with some volunteers during the recent Spring Break Appalachian Work Test. Here she talks to Jeanne Brewer.

♦ 16

Story and photos by Margaret Gabriel ♦ The Mountain Spirit

Teresa McAnly Teresa said. “It was a beautiful day and I came back dirty and tired, but so invigo rated.” That type of involvement is the only way to learn enough about CAP’S day-to-day work to enthusiastically describe it, she said. “You have to go on home visits and sit on the floor with the children in ParentsAre-Teachers, to talk to the moms and the dads and help with Christmas baskets.” A large portion of Teresa’s time has been taken up At Work Test Teresa learned some skills she doesn’t get recently with the to use often, but always give her a good excuse to get Combined Federal out o f the office, she says. Campaign and the Kentucky Employees’ Combined program you get kind of insulated, Campaign. The CFC gives federal and that’s the way you’re sup and military employees the posed to feel, but now I can look opportunity to contribute to CAP at the bigger picture. I have the through payroll deduction; the opportunity to look at all kinds of Kentucky campaign gives Ken different worlds. tucky employees the same opportunity. The United Way and “Having the opportunity to the Combined Health Appeal are work with all kinds of people also members of the Kentucky within CAP has really been fun. campaign. The biggest advantage to this job is that I’m not stuck in the office. To interest Kentucky employees You can’t sit in an office and read in becoming involved with the an annual report, and then, with campaign, Teresa and her counter zeal, talk to someone about the parts from the other agencies issues programs deal with every travel to government offices day. throughout the state and make presentations, telling employees “You have to go to the child about their work. In 1993, Teresa development centers and sit in was frequently accompanied by a their itty-bitty chairs and eat lunch woman who has participated in with them. Some of the most fun several CAP programs, including I’ve had this month was getting on Bethany House and Family Life a roof and nailing tarpaper with a Services. “She convinced a lot of volunteer during Work Fest,” Ju ly -A u g u st 1994

people about CAP’S programs. They saw someone who actually benefited, and had the guts to get up and talk about it. She was great. I’m trying to find more people to get involved with the campaign for this year. “It’s been a great experience,” Teresa said of the state campaign. “I’ve developed friendships with the people that work for United Way because w e’re all basically working toward the same goal. People would think w e’re in competition, but state employees could see that everyone was working together. I think that’s one of the things that’s made the campaign successful.” Teresa is renowned throughout CAP for her sourdough bread, and keeps several people supplied with sourdough starter. “I’ve had mine going for three years. Since you’ve got to use a cup or throw one away every three days, I’ve almost always got some to spare.” She and her husband, Charlie, enjoy car shows and white water rafting on the weekends. A recent trip to the Upper Gauley River in West Virginia resulted in a capsized boat with Teresa, Charlie and four others clinging to a rock, waiting to be rescued. “We lost everything —our supplies, our lunch, everything but our water proof camera. Those pictures are great —you should see them!” Teresa dreams o f getting her pilot’s license some day, but has put that dream on hold for the next few years, as she helps her daughter, Kelley, pursue her education degree at the University o f Kentucky. “That’s okay. There’s plenty o f time to do it. And if we don’t, at least we did it in our dreams.” ft

But iVs because he loves me

...

A Discussion of Domestic Violence ♦ 18

as told to Margaret Gabriel ♦ The Mountain Spirit

T h e Mountain Spirit met recently with Connie Wager, manager o f Family Life Family Abuse Center; Anita Seals, manager o f Bethany House; Sister Ju d y Elder, man ager o f the Big Sandy Abuse Shelter; and Liz Phelps, manager o f Family Life Services. They had interesting thoughts to share about domestic violence, its effect on entire fam ilies, and the things CAP is doing to address the problem. W hy do we seem to be hearing so much about domestic violence the last few years? CONNIE: W e’ve seen more reports the last few years, but we think the violence has always been there. People are more aware of services, so more victims are coming for ward. Changing laws have a lot to do with the level o f violence. Perpetrators are beginning to feel cornered, so they’re coming out fighting. In the past, people looked the other way. What went on behind closed doors was nobody’s business. ANITA: The publicity w e’ve gotten recently has helped make officials do their jobs. The series in the [Lexington] Herald-Leader helped a lot. [In 1991 the Herald-Leader won a Pulitzer Prize for a continuing series on domestic violence in Kentucky. —Ed.] LIZ: And there’s been a lot of national attention. Every week there’s another program on TV dealing with domestic violence. There’s a lot more awareness. How m any spouse abuse shelters oper ate in Kentucky? ANITA: There are fifteen state-funded shelters, and one privately funded. CONNIE: And we could use one in almost every county. Maybe not as large as the ones we have now; they could be designed for two or three families. SR. JU D Y : I could see a group living arrange July - August 1994

ment for at-risk families. I would love to expand services, but I’d like to see more community involvement. CONNIE: Most of these folks don’t want to leave their home area, not permanently. In trying to provide services, you need to try and get those services in their county of origin. That’s real difficult in a geographic area this large. ANITA: CAP serves victims of domestic violence in 23 counties, a fifth of this state. There’s a lot to be said for CAP’S work in this area; CAP shelters are usually rated the top shelters in the state. W hy do victims return to perpetrators? CONNIE: You’ve heard of the Stockholm theory? There was a bank robbery that involved hostages. Working to free them, negotiators found that the hostages were beginning to relate to the perpetrators and actually bonded to them. They didn’t want anything bad to happen to their captors, even though they feared for their own lives. That kind of thing happens with domestic violence victims. They think if they can understand the perpetrator and think like the perpetrator, they can have some control and protect themselves. That creates a bond that’s very difficult to break. SR. JUD Y: That parallel was the only thing that helped me to understand one woman’s urgent comment, “But it’s because he loves me that he beats m e.” That doesn’t make sense to any of us in this room, but think of the psychological needs of a woman in an abusive relationship. Some theorize that an abused spouse’s repeated pattern of going back and breaking away is part of a bigger process to disengage themselves psychologi cally. CONNIE: Breaking away from an abusive relationship is a process and each individual goes through that process at a different pace. It’s kind of like the grieving process;

you’ve just got to let it happen. We try to figure out where the victim is in the process and provide the services needed. Victims lose their identity and begin to take on the identity of the perpetrator. They have to unbond to regain their identity before they can make that com plete break. SR. JU D Y: You look at a woman’s lack of education and transportation, with small children who depend on her, and assume that she stays because she doesn’t have other options. This was as far as my thinking went initially. Then you look at repeated attempts, and begin to realize it’s more than just a process of searching for

independence. You see her attachment to the abuser but not to the abusive behavior. There is a strong relationship bond, and maybe even stronger because o f the negative behavior. ANITA: It’s fear of the unknown, too. She knows exactly what’s going to happen with him. But if she’s out on her own, the thought is overwhelming. She’s got low self-esteem, he’s probably been telling her for years she’s not worth anything, that she can’t make it on her own. CONNIE: And she believes everything she’s being told. SR. JU D Y: Initially, the only thing that I

“I fell in love with that hope, that dream The first time he hit me I couldn’t believe it; I could never imagine something like that happening. Then he said he was sorry, it was a terrible mistake and it wouldn’t happen again. Everything was wonder ful for a while, but, the next time I started to be condi tioned. When you reach for a piece of candy and somebody slaps your hand, it stings and it hurts, but you eat the candy and it tastes good. The next time you reach for it, you get your hand slapped, it hurts, but the candy is good. After a while you learn to expect the slap; it’s the price you pay. It’s a gradual conditioning. You think “Wow, it happened again and I thought it wouldn’t. This time he seems really, really sorry. And there’s so much good and he’s such a good provider.” Eventually he confused me to where I thought I deserved it. I fell in love with the hope that it would get better, that this would all go away, that our interests would run together, everything would be wonderful

and we’d all go to the beach. I fell in love with that hope, that dream. The worst time was when I argued with God. I said “Why, God? Why are you letting this happen?” I didn’t hear a voice out of the sky or a tree trunk or a burning bush or anything, but my brain said “Rrrrightt. Why is who letting this happen? Own it!” Ownership gave me strength to take one of the steps it took to leave. I had to make breaking up seem like his idea; his ego couldn’t stand for me to say “I’m outta here.” At one point he agreed we needed some counseling. The marriage counselor identified some personal issues that he needed to resolve before we got to marriage issues but he stopped the counseling before it really got anywhere. And it was too little, too late at that point. He had become more a child to me, another responsibility. Leaving is harder when you know he’s dependent on you,

even if you’ve made it seem like he’s the king, giving him credit for everything. It was easy to leave the man; I had lost respect for the man a long time ago, but I wondered how he would get by without my maternal support. Leaving the memories of then-perceived good times was hard. And the accumulation of things. I didn’t have fancy clothes or furniture or any thing, but once when I left, he threatened to bum my clothes if I wasn’t back in an hour. Then if he went through all my clothes and I still wasn’t back, he said he would start on my things. Like my pretty picture that was a Christmas gift . . . things that are valueless, except to me. That brought me back. Just the mental image of my clothes going up in smoke, and his promise that if I came back he wouldn’t hurt me, but if I didn’t come back he would bum my things. It’s embarrass ing to find that w e’re attached to things we like to think don’t matter. You’d think, “So what?” but what if your picture of your

The Mountain Spirit

was in touch with was the battering of bodies. A woman’s thinking process is changed because o f abuse. The battering, the reshaping is about as total as you’re going to get, where the various layers o f an individual’s whole life is affected. Look at the fear that so many men successfully implant in their women. “If you leave, I will find you, I will track you down, I will kill you. You’ll never make it.” CONNIE: Or perpetrators make victims responsible. “If you leave, I’ll kill myself.” ANITA: Or they say “You made me this way. If you didn’t do this, this and this I wouldn’t have to beat you.” Plus, if she’s

grown up in an abusive home, that’s expected. They think if they don’t do what they’re told, they deserve to get hit. LIZ: Family is a big issue in this area. There are cultural and religious values and beliefs in her family; she’s bombarded by that. She feels she’s going against family and the Bible. People will tell her, “You don’t need to get a divorce —stay with him .” I’ve heard preachers say “You just need to go back and do what you can for ol’ Bill. Be a good w ife,” saying that her place is with him, regardless. ANITA: It’s frustrating for us to see women come back here. We don’t like to see

An abuse victim speaks of becoming healthy grandmother went up in smoke? His last violent outburst put my youngest child in danger and he knew that I was going to protect my children. He saw the look in my eyes and he knew it was gone, there was no more, “I’m sorry” or “We can work through this.” This was it. So he said, “W e’re getting divorced, aren’t we?” He tried to back out o f that and he played more head games, and there was more emotional abuse, but once that base had been covered, it was just a matter of logistics. To this day, I believe that he loves me in a way that he defines love. It’s hard to leave that kind of twisted adoration. Be this way or be hurt. It’s very deceiving, because you’re thinking “How can I fault him for wanting me to be my best?” He had me on a pedestal —I could never be the person that he wanted me to be. Initially, my ex-husband thought that I was the most wonderful, fabulous woman. That was so July-A ugust 1994

flattering, but I could never live up to that. Unless a man loves you for who you are, flaws and all, then he’s doesn’t love you, he loves an image. I wrestled with Bible teach ing because I read it to mean that staying married was what you did. You put up with it. That’s your role. Total accep tance. The only exception that made it okay to leave was infidelity. There was a time when I wished he would cheat on me so I would have an acceptable reason to go. I spoke with a minister who gave me some very comforting words. He said that if you injure your hand and it doesn’t work anymore you still love your hand. You still keep your hand, you carry it around, even though it’s just a dead hand. But if it becomes infected and threatens to kill you, ultimately, you have to amputate that hand, even though you love it. That gave me the strength to go, as I saw my children becoming infected. My whole self was in danger o f dying and

even though I loved him —in whatever way —God wouldn’t want me to die and kill the spirit o f my children. Forgive ness has challenged me spiritually, too. I don’t want to hate this man who was a big piece o f my life, the father of my children. After I left for good, I beat myself up for being stupid and for staying as long as I did — how embarrassing to tell anyone I was in that predica ment, that I was ever that cloudy, that muddled up. After a lot o f meditation and study, I realized I did what I thought was right at the time. I went in with low self-esteem, so it was easy to buy into self-blame. I’d tell myself, “I’ll try just a little bit harder, hope just a little bit more, be a little more patient.” I’m embarrassed that I stayed, but I’m getting over that embarrassment. I’m thankful for the good things. I’ve got beautiful children, I’ve learned so much, I won’t let it happen again. God has a reason for everything.

/ think the

way we relate to one another speaks highly o f Christian values. somebody come in beaten half to death, then the next day go right back. Hopefully, though, we’ve planted a seed in her mind that’s got her thinking. They actually love their husband or their partner. They just don’t want to be hit any more.

dealing with that anger and that resent ment and they’re going to get some exposure. Nine times out of ten, they’re going to realize that’s what they need to do. Do you provide shelter to men?

What kind o f counseling do you provide? ANITA: We providing safety, primarily, and some counseling while they’re with us, but I’d like to see in-depth counseling, not with just the kids, not with just the mother, but with the whole family. W e’re focusing on the women and children, which is good, but that abuser is going to marry somebody else, and we have another victim. Say we work with the lady and her kids, and we straighten them completely out. They know that they don’t deserve to be abused and they’re going to live an abuse-free life. But we still have the abuser somewhere. Even if the family doesn’t want to reconcile, you still work with them, so he won’t marry somebody and abuse her. And she won’t go out and marry another abuser. That’s what’s happening. W e’ve had three wives o f the same man here. It keeps happening, because there’s no intervention. CONNIE: We need to address the whole problem, not just pieces. SR. JU D Y: Do you all find men open to counseling? In my fifteen years in the hills, I can count on two, maybe two and half, fingers the number of men in my own dealing who were sincerely open to looking at their behavior and their relation ships and making some changes. CONNIE: It’s important for the legal system to step in and mandate treatment. ANITA: It’s true that you can’t make somebody change, but if they’re mandated to attend counseling, they’re going to be resistant and angry, but they’re going to be

ANITA: We provide the same services to men that we provide to women, except we do not house them in the shelter. We provide housing in a motel or sometimes at Family Life Services. W e’ve had two or three calls in the last year. We placed a man at Family Life Services who had his kids with him —a victim of domestic violence. CONNIE: We had one last year, but w e’ve had several calls identifying need for counseling. ANITA: Not many men are going to come forward and say they’ve been abused by their wives. SR. JU D Y: I don’t know how widely this is recognized, but we tend to look at abusers and those being abused as an either/or kind of thing —you’re delivering the blows or receiving the blows. Apparently, in more instances than we had realized, there’s been some back and forth in terms of antagonistic behavior. CONNIE: And for men it tends to be more of a verbal or emotional abuse rather than a physical abuse, and they don’t recognize it as abuse. What types o f services to you provide for children? SR. JUD Y: It pains me to see these dear little boys, ages three, four and five who come in with their mothers. These children need more than the male image they’ve seen thus far, where at age three and four they’re ordering their mothers around because that’s what they’ve seen. At those

The Mountain Spirit

early ages, you’re already seeing hints of tomorrow’s abusers. I’d love to see a Big Brother program that would be ongoing, after the time that the woman and her children leave the shelter. CONNIE: Often women will leave when violence is starting to be directed to the children. SR. JUD Y: You see children at two or three comment “Daddy held a gun to Mommy’s mouth.” There’s a lack of awareness that the children are watching and knowing and seeing mother in fright and that all those things are emotionally abusive to a child. CONNIE: Lots of time we give the children nurturing they’ve never had because mom has been so caught up in protecting herself and protecting her children. We talk to the kids, encourage them to talk about what they’ve been through, to talk about their feelings and help them express their feelings. We try to teach them appropriate methods for dealing with anger and frustration. What role does religion play in CAP’S shelters? CONNIE: We encourage every resident to attend the church of her choice. We have Bible study, we encourage prayer at mealtime and at bedtime, and we model Christian behavior. SR JU D Y : I think the way we relate to one another speaks highly of Christian values. It’s probably more difficult to pin down because you’re looking at some intangible kinds of things, like trying to be fair, trying to be compassionate, trying to be sincere with folks, non-manipulative in trying to get folks to subscribe to approaches we think are important. To me, all of those begin to pull in a particular type of value system that would be fairly quickly recognized as Christian. Ju ly -A u g u st 1994

How do you unwind from your job? LIZ: I go to school —I’m working on an MSW (Master of Arts in Social Work). That’s no pressure at all! ANITA: After being here fourteen years, it’s taken its toll. It had gotten to the point where I didn’t want to hear it anymore. Things were getting to the pressure cooker point, so I bought a four-wheeler. A friend of mine owns a large farm and I go as often as I can and put my little helmet on and take off on 450 acres. It’s absolutely wonderful. I never dreamed it would be that relaxing, but you’re out there with the wind and the cows, and there’s nobody to bother you. CONNIE: I’ve got young children, so I go home and do the second and third shift. I don’t have time to think about the shelter after I get home. ANITA: I have thirteen nieces and neph ews, and eight brothers and sisters and a mother and father. I can go visit and have a family time and play with the kids and spoil them, then go home. That’s what I try to tell the staff. Get a life. Get a hobby, get something that entertains you while you’re not here. SR. JUD Y: My being “Sister” Judy figures very directly into my outlet. Creative opportunities, I find, are becoming increasingly important. Maybe as a buffer zone. There’s a lot of harshness that comes through here. I’ve been conscious during my fifteen years in the hills that I need to have beauty around me, so sometimes that means I have to create beauty. No matter how simple that might be, and it’s got to be pretty cheap to pull it off. I find that I very deliberately need to create beauty spots. Having kids in my work day is one way o f doing that. I find that the more pressured I am the more I need them around me. I think we all need that kind of gentle presence. ft

Family Life Counseling A Frien d in C risis Tom Conner

((C

J o many times, people in crisis give up hope. They don’t reach out because they assume that no one cares,” says Tom Conner. Tom and the other counselors with the Christian Appalachian Project Family Life Counseling Service work to show people in crisis that not only does someone care, but the counseling service will help them move beyond their crises and put their lives in order. The Family Life Counseling Service, with a current case load o f nearly 200 people, is often the first step on an Appalachian person’s journey to self-suffi ciency. Frequently, Tom says, people who come to the counsel ing service have a deep mistrust of the justice system, as well as systems that are established to help people. They are relieved to find the Family Life Counseling

♦ 24

Service, an avenue outside of the system which can provide advocacy as well as counseling. Tom tells of a woman he was asked to see who had been accused of child abuse. “This was a low-functioning mother of a very ill baby who never should have been released from the hospital. The baby died when he was three months old and the pathologist raised the question of a shaking death. There was some question about this because of the baby’s illness, but the system took her other child away from her, decided she was guilty and set a trial only ten days away. There was no time to prepare a defense for her and she didn’t have any money to hire expert witnesses. That baby never should have been sent home from the hospital, but he was and the mother gets the blame for a tragedy.”

CAP can react differently in a crisis situation, Tom says, which leads to a greater level of trust between the people and the counselors. It’s difficult, though, he says. Poverty feeds dysfunction and dysfunction feeds poverty. “If people don’t have a job to build self-esteem, they’ll stay focused on only their problems because they can’t solve them .” CAP’S counsel ing service concentrates on people who have no other resources, like the mother caught in the tragic situation of being blamed for her baby’s death. “I see people in poverty becoming more and more trapped," Tom says. “So w e’re working at keeping people from slipping back into poverty after they’ve begun to climb out. MidSouth Electric in Jackson County has done a tremendous job with that. W e’re going on-site at their

by the CAP News Service ♦ The M o u n ta in Sp irit

plant, and they’ll pay for counsel ing, offered as one of their benefits. Most o f their workers still have a fairly low income, and on our sliding scale, only owe $5 per session, but the company is paying for it. “Often this counseling helps people through stressful situations or family problems that might contribute to the loss o f their job. This is really a great support for the working poor.” Family Life counselors see each person who enters a CAP abuse shel ter, frequently more than once a week. “We have complete days set aside to see people in the shelters, and we try to see a woman as often as she needs us when she first comes in. We attempt to of fer services after they leave, but often they live so far away. Some times, years later, they com e back. T hat’s very rewarding be cause it makes me know we must have done something right; we made them feel like somebody cares. ” Residents o f Family Life Services are also included in the case load, and participants in all of CAP’S programs are made aware that the counseling service is avail able.

approach Family Life Counseling differently. “I’m seeing two girls right now, who had been raped by their father. They were being inter viewed by lawyers and social workers with no regard for their feelings or anything. Finally, the more functional o f the two girls called a halt to the whole thing, and said they wouldn’t put up with it any more. Then we were called in, and were supposed to make these kids okay.” Because o f its independence, Family Life Counseling is able to introduce a solid spiritual atmo sphere, Tom says. “In the begin ning we tried so hard to be professional that we forget that

...

It’s professional and it’s accurate and we emphasize it with the staff in the residential programs; we tell them it’s their job to model Christian behavior.” Tom glows when he talks of the success stories of the counseling service. “So many things have gone right —I can point to thirty of my clients that have gone on to college.” He told o f a woman who recog nized a need for counseling for her family, and called the service to ask if this was Father Beiting’s organi zation. She told Tom that when she was a child growing up in Hisle, Kentucky, in Jackson County, she had been bitten by a copperhead snake and was rushed to the hospital. Because her family was poor and could make no arrangements for any pre-payment, she did not receive any immediate attention. Finally, she said, someone ran for Father Beiting, who signed the papers taking responsibility for her admission. By this time she was in a coma, but the first memory she has after waking up is one of Father Beiting standing next to her bed holding an ice cream cone. Thirty years later, or more, she knew that these were people to whom she could come for help. “I get cold chills when I tell that story,” Tom says.

we su pport a spirituality based on the

value o f the client, w hich includes all re lig io n s.. .

“The majority o f our referrals are self-referrals, now ,” says Tom. “W e’ve gained a good reputation as w e’ve helped people, and folks tell their family and their friends.” A good many referrals come from other agencies, as w ell, Tom says, and they often must help people find other resources: “We can only take the toughest cases now that are referred by Social Services.” Frequently, Tom says, these are sexual abuse cases, which require counseling for both the victim and the perpetrator. Because they’re outside the justice and social service systems, people Ju ly - August 1994

spirituality was professional, too. We weren’t addressing it consis tently. Now we support spiritual ity based on the values of the client, which includes all religions —even snake handlers!” Tom was asked by a local judge to visit with an ex-convict. “When he told me about his background, growing up in the mountains, I could see that he had been raised with deep religious values and they were missing from his life now. I asked him ‘Where are you with the Lord?’ and he asked me to pray for him .” “So, I prayed, then he sat with his eyes down for three or four minutes, and I could see he was crying. Then he said, ‘Amen’ and looked up. That kind of thing is a great opportunity for a counselor.

Counseling centers, some full time and some part time, are located in six counties, Tom says, although they see people from throughout the Appalachian area in Kentucky, and “I could keep counselors busy in every county.” Tom doesn’t look at the scope of the problem though; he rejoices in the success they’ve seen and knows that if he and the other counselors keeping on keeping on, their success will continue. ft

(W s

3000 Santas Thousands o f families throughout eastern Kentucky receive Christmas baskets from the Christian Appalachian Project each year. But while CAP reaps the thanks, the workers know that many, many, other people are responsible. ♦ 26

by Beth Dotson ♦ The Mountain Spirit

C ^S Christmas shoppers scurry through the store, a young girl’s head pokes up from behind a shopping cart. The metal basket on wheels is almost taller than the shopper, but that doesn’t deter her. She pushes insistently through the crowd, her searching eyes scanning the color-strewn shelves for the perfect gifts. She wants to find soft toys, diapers, and maybe some clothes —all Christmas gifts for a young boy who has cerebral palsy. The girl tests her selection, feeling for softness and asking if she has chosen the right items. She compares her picks with those of three other children, who shopped for the other family members. She shares her list o f prices with the youth group leader to be sure she hasn’t gone over budget. This 10-year-old takes seriously her responsibility o f filling a Christian Appalachian Project Christmas basket. More than 3,000 donors who support the Christmas basket program each year take the responsibility equally seriously. Some shop for gifts, others donate handmade goods and still others send money —all to ensure that low-income families in Appalachia have some gifts to open on Christmas morning. “It is one of the greatest outpourings of love that I have seen shared between strangers,” described Brenda Watts, administra tive secretary for CAP’S outreach program. Brenda communicates with sponsors and recipient families, providing the link they need to make a connection.

CAP volunteers and outreach workers distribute Christmas baskets in Lincoln County. Thefam ilies receive gifts that are packed especially fo r them and a box containing fo o d fo r three meals on Christmas day.

July-August 1994

but pre-schoolers frequently share in the jo y o f distribution day.

Brenda works in an office that is deco rated year-round with cards bearing Christmas trees, nativity scenes and Santas. Finding and matching sponsors with up to 1400 families takes nearly all year. Al though the matching program is now computerized, Brenda still hand-matches approximately 200 families who have special requests, such as finding a family with children similar in age to those o f the sponsor. Brenda begins the process in July when she prepares a mailing about sponsoring families. She follows the mailing by matching sponsors with recipients and providing information about what the family needs. Donors choose to sponsor a small, medium or large family, and might also opt to include gifts for the elderly people to whom CAP also provides Christmas baskets. The privacy of both families is protected by withholding last names, but Brenda provides sponsors with first names, ages sizes and specific needs and wishes of the family. “They really want to make sure that they get the right gift for that child or the parents. They are very sincere shoppers and they go to a lot of trouble,” Brenda said.

When the gifts arrive in Lancaster, Brenda and the Christmas volunteers check records and sort boxes so they will get to the appropriate families. CAP sponsors a Christmas service in each county in conjunction with the Christmas basket program. This gives families an opportu nity to celebrate the season in church, as well as at home with their gifts.

Watts (right) ~ahd Garrard County outreach caseworker Marie Bonner chat with a recipient after indicating on their list that she has attended.

Brenda spends hours on the telephone with sponsors who want to know what kinds o f clothes and toys are most appro priate to send. She recalls one sponsor who didn’t have children and wanted specific guidance about what to buy. Although it was a chore for the sponsor to learn how to shop for kids, it was also very rewarding. “Her neighbor told her, ‘I have seen you happier in the last four months, since you got your Christmas family in Appalachia, than I have seen you in years’,” Brenda said. “So, there’s so much joy there. The sponsors thank us for allowing them to do this because they get so much joy from it." Indeed, although the families who receive the baskets of gifts and food are in great need of the assistance, it’s question able who gets the most out of the program —the giver or the receiver.

in 1992 and 1993• They’re from Hartland, Vermont

“We think a lot o f times that the people receiving the gifts are being blessed the most, but it’s not that way. It’s the people that are doing it that are being blessed also,” Brenda said. “I really enjoy it. It makes me feel useful. I just wish more people would do it,” said sponsor Leona Radomskie of Erie, Pennsyl vania. Leona learned about CAP and the Christmas basket program through her mother, who had been sending donations. Six months after her mother gave her the book “God Can Move Mountains, “ by CAP founder Father Ralph Beiting, she sat down to read it. After that, she couldn’t ignore poverty in Appalachia.

Each fam ily and senior who receives a basket is also invited to a Christmas service, which is held a few days before distribution. In Garrard County last year, the Sunshine Center students provided hymns, carols and sleigh bells.

Leona had always tried to help those around her, but this book opened her eyes and mind to a new set of problems and

The Mountain Spirit

circumstances. As she read about the people Father Beiting ministered to in Appalachian, she began to feel how they must feel and she understood their need for assistance. “I don’t think they (the general public) are really aware o f how these people have to live,” Leona said. “When you have food to eat and a place to stay warm, you don’t think o f it.” Leona decided to make CAP a year-round project for herself, and some of her friends. She describes herself as living on a small retiree’s pension and social security, so she didn’t have much money to send. But she knew what she could afford. She became a bargain shopper for CAP, buying items on sale that could be used in Christ mas baskets. She asked friends and rela tives to help, suggesting they might donate a gift they had received and never used. Brenda explained that some people, like Leona, send new items that are used to fill Christmas baskets for families who do not get sponsors. Others send handmade items

“We’re supposed to fee d the hungry and clothe the naked . . . " that are also used for the baskets, or as Christmas gifts for elderly people. Leona gathers donations and help from approximately 20 people, with a core support group of seven. She sends boxes of good used clothing, new items and hand knit scarves. Some people supply boxes and money for postage. Leona estimates that her mother, who is 87 and lives simply on a small budget, has paid for more than half of the 250 boxes she has sent, some for Christmas and some for general use. “People have their closets filled with things they don’t need,” Leona said. She recalled one woman who found yards of fabric she had never used and gave it to Leona for CAP. Another woman, who heard about Leona’s efforts through a friend, has given her approxi£ mately 30 hand knit scarves over > the past two years. I Although Leona derives a good feeling from being a sponsor, she said she doesn’t do it for what she gets out o f it. “I feel that w e’re not supposed to do it to get something out o f it. W e’re supposed to feed the hungry and clothe the naked . . . if we have something, we should share it,” Leona explained. “It is the Christlike spirit.” Brenda sees that spirit alive in individuals, families, businesses, classes and church groups who have sponsored Christmas basket families. At St. Paul Insurance Company in Indianapolis, employees have worked together for two ChristFamily sponsorsfrequently send a little “extra something”fo r an elderly man or woman. Gifts are sorted by elderly visitation volunteers, then they select gifts they know each person will enjoy.

July-August 1994

One o f the things that made the shopping extra special was that a child they shopped for was eight-year-old Meagan. Cindy’s youngest daughter is the same age and name.

“She wanted to go meet her,” Cindy recalled. During a meal at a Chinese restaurant after the shopping expedition, Cindy discussed the program with her daughters and explained that they couldn’t meet Meagan. When she told her own daugh Ir ^ e c e n ty e a r s C A ^ ia s ^ n blessed with the servicesofsom e temporary volunteers who return each ter that the other fa ll to perform much o f the hauling and packing fo r the Christmas basket program. Pictured here, with Meagan might still Brenda Watts in the center, are Dick and Sue Peterson, Ja y Barrett and Pierce and Gladys Gay. believe in Santa Claus and to meet her would destroy that belief, mases to sponsor families. “It’s the better she understood and said it was okay. part o f the holiday spirit,” said Cindy Shaudt, who initiated the effort. “It just takes Christmas back to the true meaning,” Cindy said. “People here showed genuine concern for the people we were buying for.” During the Christmas season o f 1993, Cindy circulated information about the family the company adopted, and employ ees brought in gifts. She felt an underlying support for the program because the employees understand the sponsored families are not simply participating in a “handout” program. Through the opportu nities CAP offers to the families, they are working to permanently change and improve their lives. Some employees wanted to help but didn’t have the time to shop, so they gave Cindy money with which she could buy the gifts. She took her daughters, who are eight and thirteen, shopping for gifts. “They went nuts buying things,” Cindy said, explaining that she had a hard time keeping them within the constraints of the budget.

Brenda has spoken with many sponsors who have gotten the entire family in volved, with positive results. Instead of being preoccupied with what they want from Santa, children and grandchildren get excited about going out to buy gifts for another child. “It makes them think about other people and it’s showing how they can serve others and how they can think of some body else besides themselves,” Brenda said. But it isn’t just the children who turn their thoughts to others at Christmas time, and it isn’t just at Christmas time that sponsors keep Appalachian families in mind. Leona sends her boxes throughout the year, with the thought that maybe that pretty blouse will make someone smile or that coat will keep someone warm. “I feel like w e’re doing what the Lord wants us to do,” Leona said. “I think about them and pray for them and do the best I can.” ft

The Mountain Spirit

Outreach worker — or just friend? Workers in CAP programs that deal with crisis frequently talk about "planting seeds." They know that while they meet immediate needs, their greater mission lets people know that someone cares and will be there in a time of need. Linda, a CAP outreach worker, planted those seeds for a woman during a time of severe weather in the winter just past. Linda tells of a chance meeting in a local grocery store. "This woman who didn't know me from anyone, asked if I could drive her and her children to the next town, hopefully to connect with a bus stop. She had nowhere to stay, no way of feeding her children and most of her money was gone. She planned to use what money she had left for a bus ticket to where her family lived." The buses were not running because of the winter storm, so Linda found a room for the family at a local inn and arranged for meals. "I told Melinda if she would stay the weekend, I would help her get to a bus station Monday morning. She seemed apprehensive about staying in one place too long. "Melinda was an abused spouse on the run from her ex-husband, and was worried he would find her and take her children. Our local paper had featured a picture of her and the children walking in the snow with a caption that said 'Don't they look like they're having fun?' Melinda was terrified that someone would accuse her of being a neglectful mother because her children were out in the snow and take them away. "On Friday afternoon when I left Melinda, she said she would see me Monday and thanked me for CAP'S assistance. "When I went to the inn on Monday morning to drive them to a bus stop at the nearest town, the lady at the check out desk said they had left on foot Sunday morning. I don't know where she is, but I hope she knows she can come back." The generosity of friends like you gives Linda the opportunity to befriend people like Melinda, people who need food and shelter, but most of all need a friend. And who knows when Melinda might come back this way because she knows she has a friend here. Your support in the past has given CAP workers the resources they need to reach out. Your gift of $10 . . . $15 . . . $20 - more, if you're able - will allow us to continue to reach out in places where we're needed most.

CAP Begins Working in Another Distressed County CAP is beginning to provide services in the poorest county in Kentucky, which is also the fourth poorest county in the United States. This county is one of a core of ten counties in Kentucky that have been in a steady economic decline since the mid-'70s. • People in nearly 52% of the households live in poverty. • Of the children under the age of 18 in the county, 64% live in poverty. • 91.1 % of the students in the public school system are eligible for free or reduced lunches. • The average income of households is $15,725; the median income is $8,595. This discrepancy accentuates the degree of poverty in the county. • 64.5% of the adults over the age of 25 have not achieved a high school diploma; the graduation rate is 52.3%. • Respondents to a questionnaire distributed by CAP'S Partnership Program indicated that they thought the economy, employment, housing, education and health care were severe problems in the county. Shaded area indicates the boundaries of the Appalachian region

CHRISTIAN APPALACHIAN PROJECT 322 CRAB ORCHARD ROAD LANCASTER, ICY 40446 The Mountain Spirit

NON-PROFIT ORGANIZATION U.S. POSTAGE PAID Christian Appalachian Project

Address Correction Requested