toadlane #1

toadlane

issue #1 fall 2017

toadlane

Editor & Layout Emily Hesselmark

Contributors Grumpy Roommate Dr Philip Emily

Content: • • •

Upcoming events p.3 Poem ”Midnight Lullaby” p.4 Sixth Week Blues p.5

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toadlane

Hey WCRI!

issue #1 fall 2017

I’m Emily, your new toadlane editor! I hope you all will enjoy toadlane this fall! I am an exchange student from Sweden, and I’ll be here in Waterloo this fall semester! I am studying to be an English teacher, and I am enjoying my classes at UWaterloo!

If you have any suggestions for toadlane or want to join the team of contributors, send an e-mail to toadlane@wcri.coop or join the Facebook group ”toadlane fall 2017”.

Editorial policy

toadlane is first and foremost a publication for, and created by, members of the Waterloo Co-operative Residence Incorporated (WCRI). toadlane welcomes all submissions, and strives to foster an open forum for discussion and community expression.

The publication is rooted in the cultivation of respect and acceptance.

As such, material which is deemed as overtly offensive will be denied publication and otherwise subjected to modification at the discretion of the editor. Material of offensive nature includes, but not limited to, racism, foul language, and general obscenity.

Content is published at the editor’s discretion, in conjunction with the approval of WCRI’s executive director. Suggestions and inquiries concerning content are welcome.

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toadlane

issue #1 fall 2017

Upcoming Events

Hallowicked - Feds’ 31st Annual Halloween Dance Party (19+ event) When: Oct 31st Place: The Bombshelter Pub

ICSN Goes to a Kitchener Rangers Hockey Game When: Nov 10th Place: Kitchener memorial auditorium Time: 6.30 pm- 10 pm

Movies for Mental Health When: Nov 2nd Place: STC 0010 Time: 6.30 pm - 8.30.pm Paint night and dogs (cuddle with dogs!)

When: Nov 1st Place: STC/B1 Artrium (Painting) STC 1019 (dogs) Time: 6pm - 8pm

Halloween party @ WCRI When: Nov 3rd Place: A2 basement Time: 10pm

Kitchener Christmas Market When: Nov 12th Place: Rim Park Time: 10am - 4pm Admission: $2

Spooktacular Bake Sale When: Oct 31st Place: SLC Time: 11am-4pm Hallow-sweets Goodie bag sale with UW UNICEF When: Oct 30th-Nov 1st Place: SLC Time: 10am - 5pm You can find further information about the events on Facebook 3

toadlane

issue #1 fall 2017

Midnight lullaby Grunt and fart, Whistle and snore “Tonight, really?!

“Again? Once more?”

Awake, I write An ode to him “Long live your realm, You fat snore king.”

Eyes tired, they droop.

I grunt, “f***it” As I’m lulled to sleep By my room mate.

Signed – Grumpy Room mate

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toadlane

issue #1 fall 2017

Sixth Week Blues Every year, thousands of students across the country are stricken with this malady, often bedridden for the entirety of their morning lectures. Here are some tips from Dr Phillip on how to identify and deal with SWB. Symptoms: The first thing to look out for is a growing malaise on the part of the sufferer; when asked an innocent question such as "how are you?" they may respond with a treatise on the pointlessness of life, perhaps quoting Nietzsche or speaking while gazing into the far distance. As the condition progresses, however, you should keep watch for signs of rage or hysteria. The polite enquiry "how is your stats course going?" can easily elicit a primal scream from the patient, followed by a slamming of doors and a muffled sobbing.

How to treat sixth week blues: You should never engage a SWB sufferer at the height of their anguish without medical training. If you should find them in an acquiescent state, such as reclining on the kitchen sofa in a haze of melancholy, then approach them gently, with offerings of tea and biscuits. Such natural remedies have proven more effective than placebos in clinical trials.

Alternatively, if the affected student can be persuaded to leave the building, the pharmacy has a range of palliative treatments available. Often the sixth week blues can be ignored entirely by investing in a pair of ear plugs and an eye mask, and simply pretending the outside world doesn't exist.

Causes of SWB: If you are currently in the mid-to-late weeks of your term at UWaterloo, you may be alarmed at the rate of spread of SWB, and fearful of catching it yourself. In reality, however, it is relatively easy to avoid.

Demographics most at risk are the chronically panicked, those that place too much importance on their degree, and smokers. If you fall into either of the former two groups, you should be careful to avoid any stimuli that could aggravate your sense of unnecessary worry, such as grades, people discussing midterms, or recruitment websites.

The most important thing to remember about sixth week blues is that it will all be over in a few weeks, just in time for final season. Feel better! - Dr Phillip

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toadlane

issue #1 fall 2017

If you would like to contribute to toadlane join the Facebook group �toadlane fall 2017� or send an email to toadlane@wcri.coop with your submission.

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