PRONOUNS & PROFESSIONALISM

PRONOUNS AND PROFESSIONALISM: HOW A SEEMINGLY SMALL WORD CAN IMPACT YOUR PRACTICE

DO’S AND DON’TS FOR COMMUNICATING WITH CLIENTS AND COLLEAGUES USING THEIR CHOSEN PRONOUNS

BY AMES SIMMONS | POLICY DIRECTOR, EQUALITY NC

THE RELATIONSHIPS THAT WE, as attorneys, have with our clients and colleagues are important to providing the best service. If we don’t have good rapport with a client, they may not feel comfortable confiding details that might make a difference to their case. Using the right pronouns is an important part of developing those professional relationships.

It’s also a matter of courtesy: Assuming someone’s gender based on how they look means you may guess wrong. Taking the time to address someone the way they want to be addressed demonstrates respect.

WHEN SOMEONE ASKS WHAT YOUR PRONOUNS ARE:

• Do: “I use she/her, thanks. What about you?” • Don’t: “Can’t you tell? What are you trying to imply?” • Why?

When someone asks what pronouns you use, it doesn’t mean there is something about your appearance that doesn’t make sense. How someone looks doesn’t necessarily tell us anything about their gender identity. Making pronouns a part of etiquette, and not something we only make transgender people specify, helps make navigating public spaces safer for transgender people.

WHEN SOMEONE REQUESTS THAT YOU OBSERVE THEIR CHOICE OF PRONOUNS:

• Do: “Thanks, will do.” • Don’t: “I don’t know. I’ll try, but you’ll have to be patient with me because I’ll mess it up.” • Why?

Transgender people already anticipate that you’re likely to slip up with their pronouns. Transgender people don’t owe anyone a blanket amnesty for all time, even if the slips are unintentional. If you find yourself wanting to improve but facing continued difficulty in using a person’s chosen pronouns, consider practicing! If you know you’re going to be talking to that person later, try picturing that person’s face and saying, “For Ames’ birthday, I’m going to get him a book for his library.”

WHEN YOU ACCIDENTALLY SLIP AND USE THE WRONG PRONOUN:

• Do: “She, I mean he, filed that lawsuit.” • Don’t: “Oops, I’m so sorry, I know what the right pronouns are but it’s just so new. I have transgender friends, I should know better….” • Why?

The longer you apologize, the more attention it draws. This isn’t about your discomfort. Work that out with others later. If you must apologize, do so privately.

WHEN SOMEONE ASKS YOU TO USE A PRONOUN YOU ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH:

• Do: “I’m not familiar with that term. Could you use it in a sentence so that I know I’m using it correctly?” • Don’t: “What? ‘Zie’ isn’t even a real word — isn’t there something normal I could use?” • Why?

• Who gets to decide what a “real word” is? • “Normal” means we arbitrarily decided that a certain combination of letters works. We remain free to decide on other letter combinations.

WHEN SOMEONE TELLS YOU THEY USE “THEY/THEM”:

• Do: “Got it!” • Don’t: “But it’s not grammatically correct to use ‘they’ as a singular pronoun.” • Why?

• The singular“they” has been part of English going back to Shakespeare’s time. • The singular“they” has been recognized by dictionaries. Yes, you can use it in pleadings. • We already use the singular“they” when we refer to people whose gender isn’t known (“I called the clerk about my motion. They told me they never received it in their system.”). When all else fails, there’s an app for that. Check out minus18.org.au and get some practice! WBF