Sisterhood in the time of Pandemic

from Women Beyond Forty - Forth Edition - Theme: Sisterhood

Gathering woman under One Roof | Sheree Rubenstein

Recently, during the binge watching of so many streamed shows due to lock downs and restrictions brought on by the Pandemic, it was heartening to see so many female led series emerging across many platforms. The Handmaid’s Tale, How to Get Away with Murder, Good Girls, Killing Eve, Dead to Me, Grace and Frankie, Shrill, Why Women Kill and Glow. One though really stood out for me in terms of embracing the complexity of female friendships - Firefly Lane.

The series was created by Maggie Friedman, based on the novel of the same name by Kristen Hannah. Focusing on female friends from different sides of the tracks that spans from the 70’s to the here and now. Starring Katherine Heigl (Tully Hart) and Sarah Chalke (Kate Mularkey), this series could have been dismissed as a flippant Netflix series based on the premise, but it digs deeper into the nuances of long-lasting friendships that for many struck a chord.

While here in Melbourne we faced lockdown 4.0, and indeed other cities around the world applied various restrictions also, the Pandemic highlighted how important and meaningful our human connections have become. We may have lost the ability to meet face to face, but the pandemic saw many women continuing to have Friday night drinks via zoom, starting book clubs or watching the same movies or streamed series to discuss the content later. Women in community groups on social media, supported one another. Friendships are often built through such mediums, regardless of not meeting in real life.

We certainly haven’t lost the opportunity to share our incredible stories of friendship and sisterhood and what those relationships have meant in our lives. Being part of the Wb40 team that hosts a magazine that celebrates building a community of women, it was easy to start thinking about how powerful relationships with other women can be throughout life.

While years ago the term ‘Sisterhood’ would have been applied to biological siblings, since the women’s movement of the 1970’s, the term has taken on a layered meaning. In fact the Cambridge Dictionary describes sisterhood as “a strong feeling of friendship and support among women who are involved in action to improve women’s rights” while the Oxford Dictionary describes it as “the close relationship of trust between women who share ideas and aims.”

Being part of a female friendship group myself, made up of eleven women that has existed for over 40 years, has given me a unique perspective on how important sisterhood can be, not just for me but to so many. Meeting at high school – I was only 11 years old – we have been on a journey together that has seen us support each other through budding breasts and periods, first dates, first kisses, first heartaches and some seriously bad 80’s hair styles! We have all been there for one another as we navigated the highs and lows that life is prone to throw at people. Graduations, career paths, marriages, pregnancies, miscarriages, financial highs and lows. While some of our group have had long marriages, others have not been married, and some have been divorced. Some have even married for a second time.

There are those that are parents of adult children, some who didn’t have children and some raising young teenagers. Being part of the ‘sandwich generation” many of us have lost parents; others have lost siblings and loved ones throughout these years.

Our lives haven’t always been parallel, nor have we always agreed on everything, but the one consistent element to the friendship was knowing there would always be the support of your sisters when you need it. We are each other’s confidants, co-conspirators of life’s twists and turns, each other’s champions, and reassurers against the tides of insecurities. We are the keepers of secrets, shoulders to cry on and rocks in times of need. We have an intimate connection that has nothing to do with physicality. The Pandemic saw us jumping into zoom chats, walking with each other when restrictions allowed, and forming group chats in messenger to support one another.

While the large number in this friendship group may be rare, women sharing long friendships isn’t. Female friendships can happen at any age, and at any stage. Of course all of us have built other important friendships outside of this group. We all have lives beyond one group, which is important given we are all quite different from one another. There is something

however comforting about knowing there are people who simply know you, and know your story. In coming together for parties or over lunches that always include wine, cocktails and laughing, there is never a pressure to explain who you are as a human being. We haven’t just accepted the differences in each other, but embraced them, which is why it continues to this day. We love one another warts and all.

Close knit friendships are important for everyone but for women, building female friendships can be especially important. Women understand other women in ways that men can’t and vice versa. Female friendships are often complex and layered because most women are exactly that. In building strong female friendships, we gain a comradery that allows us to be supported in our strongest or most vulnerable moments. Knowing someone has your back is powerful for women. To offer and accept help and advice from other women, and to give that in return can be life changing.

For many women, feeling like they belong to a larger community makes us feel safe, acknowledged, respected and seen, especially as we get older. While not everyone might have a friendship group that spans decades, research has shown that even having one close friendship can improve our health. Hanging out with our gal pals promotes more oxytocin –the love hormone! In fact an extensive study by UCLA back in 2002 showed that women have a much larger behavioural repertoire than just flight or flight.

Laura Cousin Klein, Ph.D., who was part of that study said at the time, “It seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress response in a woman, it buffers the fight or flight response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead.” We may very well be biologically hard wired to invite other women into our world.

Of course not all women need, or want, a large group of female friends to feel like they are a part of the sisterhood. For me, I am enormously grateful to group for their friendships, their strength and their encouragement. Knowing them has enriched my life and allowed me to boldly jump into taking risks in my life knowing that even if they don’t succeed, there will always be someone who has my back. I am equally grateful for the continuing female connections I have made through this community. Every day I am reminded that there is nothing equal to the warmth and support of other women.