6 minute read
LONG TERM PRODUCT REVIEW: SWAG/STRETCHER
Swag life: How I elevated my camping game, and why you should too
Just for the record: At the time of writing, we are not sponsored by Crashpad or Darche. They did not give me these items for free. They do not advertise in this mag. One day I would like to change all of those things. These are my unfettered opinions about a game-changing setup you may be interested in buying at some stage. Also, cut up milk crates do the same job as Maxtrax. Change my mind.
I've been camping out of a swag for a long time when on solo missions in the bush. They're easily set up and pulled down, don't take up too much room in the bus and generally make camping a simple affair without much fuss at all. At least when I was under 30.
However, I've found that as I got older, whenever I set up on rocky or uneven ground I'd wake up the following morning with a spine that looked like a question mark and in more pain than a Coldplay fan at a tasteful music festival. "That's it," I thought, "my swag days are done." It was the end of an era and I was resigned to starting a new chapter as an old fart who has to take his chiropractor-endorsed foam mattress everywhere with him or worse, gasp, get a camper trailer.
Luckily for me, I'm mates with a bunch of campers of all different ages, and my buddy told me to try setting up the swag on a stretcher before listing it on Marketplace. I'd been a lot of places and racked up many nights under the stars in my Crashpad, and I wasn't too keen on yeeting it, so I thought I'd give the suggestion a crack.
Hands down, fam - best thing I've ever done.
The Darche stretcher addition changed my life. I know a lot of review articles are prone to hyperbole, but I swear to baby Yahweh that first night with this combo out in the Victorian desert was probably the best night’s sleep I’ve ever had – and that includes the time I accidentally drank a bottle of Jack Daniels and started banging Xanax like they were popcorn. Accidentally.
That was a few years back now, and the swag/stretcher combo is still the game to beat as far as I’m concerned. With that said, it’s not all backstage passes at the strip club and being referred to as “boss” whenever you walk into the kebab shop. There are some drawbacks too, but we’ll get to them in a sec.
THE GOOD
If you had to sum up this set-up in four words they would be: simple, reliable, comfortable, versatile. The Crashpad King Single Stealth (which I’ll call “ my swag ” or just Crashpad from here on in) sets up just like 95% of all swags on the market these days: a centre pole and two end hoops – nothing revolutionary perhaps, but the value comes from the thick 410gsm canvas and the fact that the carry bag is capacious enough to roll up the swag and your bedding and still fit it all in comfortably – so it’s not like you’re croc-wrestling that bastard in every morning like some other swags on the market.
The Darche XL100 stretcher is similarly basic-yet-quality. Setup is an ‘unfold and add two cross bars at either end’ situation and pack down is easy thanks to another oversized carry bag.
As mentioned, the comfort is out of this world: the 70mm foam swag mattress on top of the canvas stretcher is simply amazing. It doesn’t matter what the terrain, the temperature or the weather are doing, you’re going to get some good rest regardless, and you’ll even have a dry space underneath for your boots. If you ’ re feeling extra fancy, you can set it up under your vehicle’s awning, but that’s only really required if it’s raining and you’re getting up to take a whizz at 2am.
I’ve camped all over the eastern side of the continent with this combo and am yet to have a crap night’s sleep. For solo overnighters or even longer trips for several days/weeks at a time, it’s my go-to and I love it.
THE BAD
The major drawback as I see it is that you’re basically limited to a single person set-up with this combo. Yeah, there are double swags (which are awesome) and double stretchers, but all of the ones I’ve slept on, you can feel that centre pole down the middle of the stretcher to keep the canvas taut and that harshes my buzz when I’m trying to cop a feel and blame it on being asleep and my hand just fell there baby, I’m sorry.
I mentioned last issue how keen I am to try a Kulkyne double stretcher out (no centre pole – uses ratchets to keep it tight) but I haven’t got one as yet so can’t really comment, but yeah, unless you and your partner have spooning down to an Olympic synchronised swimming level, it’s probably not going to be the best set-up for the two of you. And if you’re in a polyamorous relationship you can pretty much forget it, you lucky son of a biscuit-eater.
On another note: Dome swags take up a fair chunk of room in the car. There’s no getting around that fact. This is more relevant for those with limited space, such as in a Zook or a vehicle without roof racks. The stretcher only adds to the issue as it’s another bag to chuck in. Having camped out of both of those cars though, it’s not the end of the world, you just have to be a bit more conscious about what you bring. While not especially heavy, if you have a bad back or are competing in the bantamweight division it can be a lot of weight to heave up onto the roof racks or into the back of the fourby. Nothing impossible but could be worth thinking about for some folks.
THE VERDICT
For a single-person camping set-up that’s high quality, way under a grand, quick and easy and above all, freaking comfy, then you could go a long way before getting anywhere close to the Crashpad and Darche stretcher crime-fighting duo. As a general rule, I have access to multiple tents, trailers, RTTs and any number of whimsical onesies, but this is the gear I take with me when I’m heading out solo. It just works and has been ticking the boxes for years. If you’re thinking of getting out of your swag and trying something different, do yourself a favour and try putting it up on a stretcher first. Trust me, I can spell professional.
