Finding Friendship Issue 4

Finding Fr ie nd sh ip Issue No. 4

Katy Shevel | Friday, August 7, 2026

A note from Katy & James Before you read this issue of “Finding Friendship Fridays,” I want to express my heartfelt gratitude. James and I are so touched by the outpouring of kindness, generosity, and love from Wayne Presbyterian Church. I am still without words as I reflect upon Sunday’s beautiful reception celebrating our wedding. James and I were overjoyed by how many of you showed up to celebrate with us. We only wish we had gotten a chance to speak to all of you!

Please know that your cards, gifts, and prayers have blessed us more than we can express. We only ask for one more thing: your kind patience, as we take our time to read all your thoughtful notes and to thank you each more personally. We are grateful for your support as we begin this next chapter of our lives together. We were reminded on Sunday of the joy of what it means to belong to a church: a community that rejoices and shares in the milestones of life together. We are deeply moved and humbled. ~Katy and James

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“Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For they fall, one will lift up the other” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.

On O n a summer afternoon of soft mountain breezes and dappled sunshine, I married my best friend. The venue?

Tall pines and colorful wildflowers in the Poconos. The guest list? Just the two of us.

Our wedding was tailored to our personalities in every sense. James and I got ready in a charming A-frame tucked away in the woods by a small lake. Staying separate in cozy quarters was a challenge. Passing important notes through doors—as well as important objects, like handheld steam cleaners--- we successfully managed to conceal our appearance from each other beforehand. Our big “reveal” was on the front porch.

The photographer tapped on the bedroom window. This was my cue to step through the door to find James waiting at the bottom of the steps, a huge grin on his face. We frolicked in the trees a bit before dashing off for the main event in a chic black Corvette.

Our ceremony was far from traditional. My bouquet was fashioned of Lego roses, artistically arranged by my soon-to-be niece. Our officiant met us in her beautiful backyard garden with her husband (the gardener.)

Their friendly dogs performed their best “wedding crashers” impression. At the conclusion of our vows, we planted a flowering shrub together on the grounds by a duck pond: a symbol that will blossom and be part of love stories for future eloping couples. How many couples can say they had to pause their wedding in order to scrub dirt off their hands? It was joyous and messy and wonderful. Our wedding was wholly unique -- and perfectly suited for James and me.

When James and I began discussing a wedding, we instantly agreed on one vision: simplicity. Many choose to have a large wedding in a grand space with lots of guests. I have officiated many weddings like this, and they are great! That vision just wasn’t right for us. We wanted our wedding day to represent the ordinary, intimate moments that will ultimately define our lives together. Lately, many have sagely reminded me that a wedding is only one day; a marriage is a lifetime.

Last Sunday, Pastor Ryan graciously prayed for James and me, extending us a marriage blessing from Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. I couldn’t help but smile to myself. I had been pouring over commentaries from Ecclesiastes that very morning. I had planned to reflect upon this same text from Ecclesiastes for our Finding Friendship Friday newsletter this week. When the Holy Spirit gives us a nudge, I’ve learned to listen.

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Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 is often read at weddings. However, this is not a passage about marriage or romantic relationships. At least, not directly. The Book of Ecclesiastes quite plainly points (often bluntly) to what matters most about life—and ultimately, as a result, about love.

The author of Ecclesiastes, mysteriously known as Qoholeth, is often cranky, sullen, and tiresome.

Underneath that tough literary exterior is a wounded person with universal truth to impart: life is precious and fleeting. It’s only worth anything when we share it with others.

The fourth chapter of Ecclesiastes opens with a cautionary tale of one lonely soul who works tirelessly, stores up their riches, and keeps to themselves. It is notable that the author empathizes personally, perhaps even autobiographically, with the isolation of this solitary man and no community to live for. “For whom am I toiling,” they ask, “and depriving myself of pleasure?” Next, as is customary in ancient Proverbs, much is revealed through a succession of numbers… ““Two Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For they fall, one will lift up the other” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.

Having a friend is better: a companion to stand with you, to keep you safe and warm, and to lean upon for support and help during difficult times. Whatever we may earn or accomplish in this lifetime is meaningless.

Vanity! Vanity! All is futily! cautions Qoholeth. Glorified individualism is overrated—and at the end of the day: pointless. There is no reward, according to Ecclesiastes, for toiling alone. We can’t take the material treasures ofthis earth with us to our grave.

Loving and being loved is the mark we leave in this world long after we are gone. Family, friends, neighbors, partners… Being in relationship is its own intrinsic reward.

Finally, comes “three,” a substantial number in the Bible.

If two are better, three are best. While two friends are strong together, they are strongest in community. A single cord is fragile. Together, we are encouraged, built up, nurtured, and loved. We were not created to tough it out on our own: we are made to be community. Each of us is a beloved child and that’s what unites us. “A threefold cord is not quickly broken,” Ecclesiastes 4:12.

Even God’s relationship with Godself is a loving relationship of three: Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. God’s model of loving relationship is the model for the church, as we are all members of the one Body of Christ.

My favorite moments from our wedding day were remarkably ordinary: joking whispers, happy tears, kicking off my heels and running hand-in-hand through a grassy field. But even those moments weren’t ours alone. God was with us, carrying us. God’s love bridges us to those near and far. After all, we are all made in God’s image. The prayers of this church community, from our family, and from our friends held and strengthened us. As we read scripture and exchanged our vows, we stood on the shoulders of generations of saints who came before us.

The Book of Ecclesiastes reminds us that this is what ultimately matters: not the dress, not the cake, not even the ceremony… What matters is the incredible grace of beloved community. Woven together as a beautiful cord, what a gift it is that we get to share our limited, precious days with each other.

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