The Wake, Issue 2, Fall 2011

Occupy MN

07

Halloween Guide

10

Crimes Interview & More!

17 - 31 october 2011

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

Editorial

Production

Editor-in-Chief Maggie Foucault

Production Manager Ryan Webert

Managing Editor Alex Lauer

Graphic Designers Steph Mertes, Ryan Webert

Cities Editor Alex Lauer

Art Director Keit Osadchuk

THIS IS MY FIRST “LETTER FROM THE EDITOR”!

As you can tell, I’m excited, but not as excited as I am for HALLOWEEN!!

Voices Editor Maggie Foucault

Web Editor Eric James

Can you believe it’s less than two weeks away? This time of year always comes and goes too fast so I thought we would make a Halloween themed issue to remind everyone of the season. The problem with college kids is that they get so caught up in their studies, work, and trivial crap that they forget to really celebrate. Halloween in college ends up being one night of girls dressed like sluts and guys in crappy costumes who all drink too much. Let’s try and change that.

Sound & Vision Editor Zach McCormick

This Issue Cover Artist Keit Osadchuk

Photographers Keit Osadchuk, Habakkuk Stockstill

Business Advisory Board James DeLong, Kevin Dunn, Courtney Lewis, Eric Price, Morgan Mae Schultz, Kay Steiger, Mark Wisser

Illustrators Ben Alpert, Angie Frisk, Josie Keifenheim, Rachel Mosey, Keit Osadchuk, Guy Wagner, Chuemengka Yang

Outlined in this issue are the best Halloween events in the Twin Cities, so whether you’re into puppets, hayrides, or Rocky Horror—we’ve got you covered. We also have a list of our staff’s favorite scary movies, so don’t worry about choosing the right one, just get the candy corn and some friends.

Seriously, take some time out of your schedule to go and get scared. That’s what this time of year is all about, right? Are you really going to remember that time you spent Friday night studying/drooling on your textbook? Or are you going to remember that night you went on a haunted hayride with that girl you met in your anatomy class and some guy next to you fainted and the ambulance came? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

And please please PLEASE put some effort into your costume. There is nothing worse than going out and seeing people dressed as Joe Mauer or a cheerleader or something equally lame, and zombies were already done this month. Look for inspiration in your favorite movies, books, or music.

I know you can be more creative than a packaged costume from a store. If anyone wants to go as the Spectacular, Spectacular creative team (from Moulin Rouge), get at me.

Contributing Writers Eric Best, Alyssa Bluhm, Theon Kyne Dy, Maggie Foucault, Lindsey Geyer, Alicia Johnson, Ally Kodet, Alex Lauer, Zach McCormick, Kevin Ryan, Kelsey Schwartz, Habakkuk Stockstill, Blake Williams

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Honestly, I’m not trying to be a hater. I’m just obsessed with Halloween and want it to not suck. But I’ve already made caramel apples with sprinkles, watched Sleepy Hollow and Sweeney Todd, been to a pumpkin patch, and have brainstormed 5 costumes (one for every night from Thursday to Monday), so I’ve already started celebrating. You better catch up.

Happy Halloween

©2009 The Wake Student Magazine. All rights reserved.

Established in 2002, The Wake is a fortnightly independent magazine and registered student organization produced by and for the students of the University of Minnesota.

The Wake Student Magazine 1313 5th St. SE #331 Minneapolis, MN 55414

Alex Lauer Managing Editor

(612) 379-5952 • www.wakemag.org The Wake was founded by Chris Ruen and James DeLong.

The Wake is published with support from Campus Progress/Center for American Progress (online at www.campusprogress.org).

disclaimer The purpose of The Wake is to provide a forum in which students can voice their opinions. Opinions expressed in the magazine are not representative of the publication or university as a whole. To join the conversation email mfoucault@wakemag.org.

voices

2011 Halloween Costumes

Are Halloween Costumes Taking a Step in the Wrong Direction?

By Kelsey Schwartz

The night of all nights is almost upon us! Halloween: the scariest night of the year, the night in which your worst nightmares come alive. Every monster, demon, and zombie will be on the prowl, along with the sexy Indian, pin up girl and play boy bunny. Somehow I wasn’t really scared by that last part... Those three things aren’t even remotely close to being scary, in fact they are borderline whorish. So what has Halloween come to? It breaks down into three categories: 1) Sluttier costumes on younger girls, 2) A lack of scare and originality in costumes, and 3) Costume corporations’ blind eye to offensive costumes.

tumes that are scary or original. It seems as if everyone is settling for the over-produced, store-bought costumes: witches, Scream, and vampires are overdone and frankly not that scary anymore. Don’t get me wrong, they are great for kids and can be made scary if done right, but everyone else knows that they’re old news; it’s about time that everyone put on their thinking masks and come up with truly original and/or scary costumes. We don’t need to rely on the store’s costumes; there are plenty of ideas out there just waiting to be used!

In the last few years we have all witnessed the huge increase of slutty costumes on girls who are barely in high school. It’s always the same old thing, a girl not even tickling 15 years old strutting her stuff in a costume that would make a naked mole rat blush. Why do they do it? Oh yeah, they want to look “hot”. Seriously, if you want to look “hot” go run on the treadmill for an hour. At least then you won’t look like you’re ready to give it away to the next guy that walks by. Yes, I know that these costumes make any woman look promiscuous no matter the age, but at least women above the age of 18 wear these costumes for more reasons than having guys notice them (well, the majority of them anyway). Really what are they noticing about you? Your hair? Your beautiful smile?

Your personality? No, no, and NO! All that they are noticing is your extensive amount of chest and butt cleavage; really it’s what everyone is noticing. So my question for all of the young ladies out there is, do you really want to be seen as a slut? Because believe me, you will never be able to live that down, even after the night ends.

The third and defiantly not the least important category is the costume corporation’s indifference toward offensive costumes. I am not just talking about demeaning women costumes like the French maid, or the sexy nurse. I mean the costumes that strike too close to home. One of these costumes was ever so cleverly named “Sexy Annie Rexia”.

It consists of a very short, tight black dress with a skeleton body, belted with a measuring tape. I can guess half of you are thinking “what the heck were they smoking when they came up with that idea?” and the other half are probably still trying to picture the costume. This costume is not only offensive, but it makes Anorexia into a joke to be accepted as normal, as something that isn’t taken seriously as a disease. Well news flash: it is horrible; it kills, and it isn’t funny.

Lucky for us the costume company that created “Annie Rexia” has been harshly ridiculed online, so much so that they eventually stopped making it all together. This is but one of many costumes out there that are controversial, and it is about time that people stand up against them.

This is a double standard when it comes to mens costumes.

Women’s costumes seem to be shrinking in size, while costumes for men have stayed relatively the same. They don’t force costumes with less to them onto guys. You won’t find a halloween costume in the store of a male life guard that consists of just a speedo! All you find when walking through the guy section of a costume store are, costumes that covers there whole body, sometimes even their faces. So how come the majority of women’s costumes have us displaying our “goodies” to everyone? Yes, I understand that some of them are sexy in a more subtle way, I just believe that there should be an equal amount of skimpy costumes and conservative costume options for women. Also, if women are to be continually stereotyped into wearing more revealing costumes, then maybe let the men show a little more skin too, instead of intrapping them in layers upon layers of cloth. ben alpert

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Also in the last few years I have noticed the decline in cos-

Halloween costumes aren’t all bad, raunchy or offensive; there are a ton of hilarious, interesting and noteworthy costumes out there! I saw some of these firsthand last weekend when I when in search of my own costume. Some costumes include Angry Birds, ketchup and mustard, the Mario brothers (including the mushroom), and a plug-in/outlet combo!

These are original ideas that make for funny costumes and there are many more where that came from including a sumo wrestler, a magazine, a guy/girl with large butt-ox, and Duff Man from the Simpsons! All you have to do is think outside the box to find that perfect costume.

I believe that Halloween, like cheese, will get better with age.

As long as we watch over those adolescent girls who believe less is more, stray away from offensive costumes, and stick to original or scary costumes, Halloween will never go rotten.

voices

Facebook

The Perpetual Hangover

by Alyssa Bluhm

The end of October usually brings a chilly downturn in temperatures. But rather than immediately bringing out wool sweaters and mittens, people ritualistically defer warmer clothes for a few more days in order to masquerade around in skimpy costumes for the Halloween party season. And true to our generation, the sharp increase in parties this time of year brings a subsequent surge of party-related content to everyone’s Facebook news feed. While people post trashy pictures and statuses online whenever a party happens during the year, it never hurts to be reminded of how not to be that person with pixilated vomit all over their profile.

Many girls in particular view Halloween as one giant photo-op, and bring their friends together to ceaselessly take pictures in search of that one perfect “profile pic.” The end

result is a flurry of overly edited photos uploaded to Facebook, all of which look the same and provoke comments from tagged friends like, “I look so ugly!” and other passive-aggressive pleas to remove the pictures.

If you are already going to spend so much time editing the pictures before putting them online, why not spare yourself a few minutes by carefully selecting only the best pictures for public use? Your friends will be happy you didn’t put so many hideous images of them online, and your other friends will silently thank you for not bombarding their news feeds with sixty different attempts at one good picture with your gal pals. Then you can spend the time you saved by not editing those other pictures by attending yet another great Halloween party.

But guys and girls should both beware: try as you might to avoid being caught on camera looking like you’re one sip away from alcohol poisoning, you can’t always hide. Some friends just can’t suppress that stalker paparazzi gene. And when they put those pictures on the Internet, it may not always be wise to ignore them. Facebook recently implemented a privacy setting that allows users to pre-approve pictures before the tags show up on their profiles—a feature especially useful

around Halloween. If you choose not to utilize Mark Zuckerberg’s latest stroke of genius, it doesn’t hurt to untag yourself the old-fashioned way. Even if you think your parents respect your Internet privacy, they creep on you way more than they will ever admit. You don’t want to jeopardize your chances at a great Christmas present, do you?

But even before the parties start, plenty of people view Facebook as the right place to invite themselves to parties. Partythrowers who create Facebook events for Halloween get-togethers should make sure to state whether or not guests are allowed to bring other friends along. And as for party-goers, learn by example that it is never okay to attend someone’s closed-invitation party, especially if you don’t know a single person on the guest list. Trolling in real life never ends as well as it does online.

Halloween has always been one of the more creative holidays, but it is due time that Facebookers start respecting themselves and others by keeping convivial almost-memories from the public eye. You may be taking a day or two off from being yourself for the sake of Halloween, but it is never the right time to stop using simple Facebook etiquette.

Zombie Pub Crawl 2011 A Terror of Two Cities: A Night of Undead Revelry by eric best The annual Minneapolis Zombie Pub Crawl: for some it is a time of undead festivities, for others it’s a time of public inebriation and widespread vandalism, yet for everyone the pub crawl comes as a time to grab that group of friends that get a little too crazy and converge on to the Twin Cities. This month the Twin Cities was once again the site of the yearly zombie apocalypse, though this year there were more Zombie Steve Jobs, hopefully none with new iPhone 4S’s in hand, rather than the always popular Thriller Zombie (R.I.P. MJ).

The Sunday following, most people when hearing you have participated in ‘the crawl,’ will ask you how it was. Yet the only appropriate answer is that the Zombie Pub Crawl is, and always will be, an awesome time filled with horrible experiences. It is impossible to attend without having fun, especially with the great costumes, cheap deals on drinks, and a group of bands that become more enjoyable whilst dressed as the ever popular undead creature. However, vandalism and other crimes have become an increasingly difficult issue to deal with, especially when you tell the police that “a zombie just climbed on my car and dented it” applies to about 15,000 people covered in fake blood. Speaking of fake blood, did you see it all over the sidewalks, benches, walls, and just about every place on campus this week?

This year the mysterious orchestrators of the Zombie Pub Crawl created a minor (18+) friendly crawl in the St. Paul – Mears Park area, where Guinness, as in Guinness World Records, was in attendance in order to check if the St. Paul Pub Crawl would take the record of largest Zombie Festival away from New Jersey (heck, they’re all zombies over there, right?)

habakkuk stockstill

which had a minimum attendance of 4,093 zombies. Any zombie, or zombie victim, in the past few years will tell you how many times the Minneapolis crawl has had two or three times that amount of drunken undead in any given year, despite any count by Guinness. The St. Paul side, most likely because crawl-goers needed to buy a separate wristband to attend either city’s zombie festival, is a quieter, safer version of the crawl, most likely as a result of less alcohol served – non-alcoholic drinks and food are available to those of us who are underage, this writer included. Despite being quieter, the world record was broken by nearly 800 more zombies!

Here are some simple rules to follow if you’re interested in go-

ing to the pub crawl next year: go with a fun, yet responsible group of friends, don’t bring alcohol with you (especially if it’s illegal for you to have it in the first place), avoid those angry zombies actually looking for brains, don’t wear clothes you plan on wearing again, but take advantage of this and go all out on your costume, and, most importantly, don’t vandalize or steal stuff – it just makes the entire Zombie Pub Crawl event look bad.

The Zombie Pub Crawl is a crazy night of revelry to be enjoyed by all goers and a truly memorable time to embody your favorite celebrity brain-eater, and always will be, as long as the zombie remains the cultural icon it has undeniably become.

www.wakemag.org

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voices

Netflix Killed the TV Star

by Maggie Foucault

When trying to live on a college student’s budget, the first unnecessary utility to go is usually Cable TV. Besides not having enough time to watch the amount of TV that would make it worth the cost, Netflix offers unlimited TV for less than $10 a month, and Hulu, MTV, and other TV channels offer free episodes of most TV shows on their websites. When comparing these prices (or lack thereof) to the $30 a month for cable service, it becomes an easy choice.

Until recently my apartment, similar to many college students, didn’t even have actual TV service. We survived by watching Netflix through our Wii system. However, our household recently received the gift of a digital antenna adapter: the key to watching standard free TV. Unlike the rest of my roommates, I was ecstatic. I had already exhausted Netflix’s overwhelming supply of “Law & Order: SVU” and “CI.” Even four seasons of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” was not enough to sate this viewer. I missed the drama of the lie detector tests on “Maury;” the fluff stories about adorable cats beings saved on the nightly news; watching SNL live but not telling anyone that I did because god forbid anyone knows that I stayed and did laundry on a Saturday night. But there was one yearning that could never be satisfied by Hulu or Youtube: infomercials.

Yes, the infamous infomercial. Because I grew up in a house that had cable and have been a night owl since I was born, I quickly learned of the mesmerizing power of the infomercial. The unnecessary products to fix ridiculous problems (“Don’t you hate how carrots won’t just chop themselves?

Sick and tired of sitting in the emergency room after you tried to make a roast in the croc pot?”); the exaggerated caricatures and random foreign accents; and the special offers (“order now and we’ll send you THREE MORE MAGIC BULLETS!! A $500 value, yours for only three payments of $14.95!!!”) Many a middle school summer evening was spent waiting for the infomercials to suddenly give way to another episode of “Blind Date.”

But with the advent of the internet, we no longer need to surf the channels in order to watch someone slice clean through a pineapple with a knife. The Magic Bullet, Ronco Rotisserie Oven, and many more old-school infomercials are all available to view at anytime on Youtube. Truly, these infomercials are classics and should not be forgotten. However, it must be remembered that there are new unnecessary products that we have not been informed about, simply because the power of the infomercial is in it’s ability to bring us information about something we had never thought about needing before.

It’s hard to search on Youtube for something that you didn’t even know you wanted to know about.

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guy wagner

However, not every infomercial is available on Youtube. I recently caught a full half hour infomercial for the Pawn America chain of pawn stores. It included stories about ridiculous purchases from the staff, the debunking of the myths perpetuated in Hollywood about pawn shops, and the extolling about the “Green” qualities of the pawn shop and the recycled goods that can be purchased there. Not available on Youtube or the Pawn America website, late-night TV is the only way to enjoy this masterpiece.

The internet has tempered the power of the infomercial in another way: no longer must we sit through an infomercial to get to the real entertainment. The internet has made the infomercial into the main show. The only true reason to sit through an entire infomercial is because you are waiting for something better. Netflix too has made this irrelevant: at the click of a Wiimote you can go from watching a boring show to something much more interesting. With a regular TV however, you are stuck sitting through “Ringer” so that you don’t miss anything on “America’s Next Top Model.” Commercial breaks are also a casualty of the Netflix movement: no longer must you jump off the couch at the exact moment that the show goes to commercial in order to make your popcorn in time. With the ability to pause a show at the press of a button, you could make a full three course meal and not miss a second. With regular TV, efficiency is the key to combining snacking and viewing. A bag of chips that takes a second to open will be prioritized over a bag of popcorn that could take up to three minutes to pop.

Nowadays, most people (including myself) are annoyed to have to sit through an ad in order to watch “Teen Mom” on MTV.com or to have to close the small bar ads on the bottom of the Youtube screen. Having a real TV reminds me of the fact that in order to get all this amazing programming for free (“Excused,” anyone?), there is a cost that must be picked up by someone, and that someone is advertisers. Another plus is that unlike MTV.com, the ads change much more frequently (last winter I saw an ad for Black Swan every single time “16 and Pregnant” went to a commercial break. For about 6 episodes in a row). What’s more, because regular TV is viewed mostly by old people, the ads are often ridiculously patriotic and usually include at least one misinformed plea for people to waste their senator’s time on some non-issue. For example, the most recent coin released by what cannot actually be the U.S. Mint is to commemorate the capture and death of Osama Bin Laden, with an image of Seal Team 6 under the eloquent slogan “You Can Run But You Cannot Hide.” Obviously the other side has the twin towers embossed upon it.

While many people seem to think that they can live without watching TV in any capacity, that is certainly not true for many of us. The ennui of Netflix can be broken, but only by real TV. Not only does it bring us out of our shell of personal choice, but it reminds us of what the majority of Americans are interested in, or at least passively viewing.

cities

Occupy MN

by Kevin Ryan

On September 17, several hundred young people gathered in Zuccotti Park in the Manhattan financial district bearing Djembe drums, picket signs, bare chests and masks of Scottish anarchist Guy Fawkes (the signature face of “V” of V For Vendetta).

On their collective Tumblr, they introduced themselves as the “99 percent:” “We are the 99 percent. We are getting kicked out of our homes. We are forced to choose between groceries and rent.

We are denied quality medical care. We are suffering from environmental pollution. We are working long hours for little pay and have no rights, if we’re working at all. We are getting nothing while the other 1 percent is getting everything. We are the 99 percent.”

It wasn’t until early October that those hundreds grew to thousands, garnering attention from major media outlets as the students were joined by an older, wider demographic: supporters have ranged the usual suspects—liberal pulpiteers Michael Moore, Keith Olbermann, Naomi Klein and Dr. Cornell West, to Roseanne Barr, the Slovenian cultural theorist Slavoj Zizek, Salman Rushdie and Kanye West. Radiohead was even rumored to have planned an appearance.

of Minnesota student present at the opening rally noted that the sentiment seemed to be “mostly socialist, partly anarchist and some Ron Paul.”

Riding the spirit of the mood, TakeAction and Minnesotans for a Fair Economy have opted for a clearer focus of Wells Fargo and its hand in local foreclosures. On Friday the 14th, the labor activist groups led a march of several hundred to the offices of Wells Fargo and USbank, both bailout recipients in 2009, demanding “Don’t foreclose on the American Dream.”

As the Occupy MN organizers have confirmed with the Hennepin County Sheriff, the occupation could go on indefinitely without answering to permit regulations—as long as no laws are violated and none of the action spills into the streets, which are MPD’s jurisdiction. For better or for worse, the relationship between occupiers around the country and law enforcement have been relatively amicable. No arrests have been made at the plaza so far and the mood has been fundamentally peaceful; footage of the occupation is viewable via live-feed at occupymn.org and a PayPal has been established for onlookers to buy “solidarity pizza” for the skeleton crew, each night hovering around 100 young

people. But as temperatures continue to dip, a showdown seems inevitable. In Denver, arrests were made on the Governor’s orders after tents were erected outside the capitol.

The agreement with the Sheriff’s department stipulated that no shelter, aside from loose tarps, could be used despite the soon-to-be freezing temperatures.

Pundits have been quick to liken the occupations to the Tea Party, however it’s unclear whether or not the collective rebuke of the status quo—whatever that may specifically be— will have any lasting impact, or if their frustration will manifest into support for the Democratic party. If there was such a thing as a counter-Tea Party, they’re already overdue; it was in the first months of 2009 that the supposedly non-partisan Tea Party demonstrations began their ascent to the November 2010 crescendo that put the U.S. House of Representatives in Republican control.

Despite the largely leaderless nature behind the direct action, it was the Adbusters Media Foundation that registered the occupywallstreet.org—the banner since adopted by the demonstrations; the anti-consumerist magazine’s founder and author of its manifesto Culture Jam, Kalle Lasn, described the goal of the site as to prompt “a Presidential commission tasked with ending the influence money has over our representatives in Washington.”

Now several weeks in and counting, the NYC protests have spawned peripheral demonstrations in urban areas across North America and, to a limited extent, South America, Oceana and Europe, connecting with anti-austerity protests that have now gone on for months. The expanded presence sparked bi-partisan commentary from US government officials, each side offering their own narrative for the recent outcry; in what might be the most succinct explanation yet, Iranian Ayatollah Ali Khamei merely referred to the movement as a response to the “corrupt foundation” of the US. On October 7, the local chapter, Occupy MN, took to the Hennepin County Government Center plaza, the site chosen after plans to rally outside the private property of the Minneapolis Federal Reserve was scrapped.

The Friday kickoff drew a crowd of 900, including the occupation’s self-proclaimed figurehead Jesse Ventura, who showed up to make sure that the movement wasn’t co-opted by partisan voices—a particularly easy task given their agreeable, if vague, demands. The general assembly has agreed that, among other things, they’d like to see an end to: capital punishment, wealth inequality, police intimidation, corporate censorship, political corruption, joblessness, poverty, healthprofiteering, imperialism and war. While the occupations have received high-level Democratic endorsement, with Minnesota’s U.S. Rep. Keith Ellison among them, one University

keit osadchuk

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cities

Bike Center at the U

by Theon kyne Dy

With over 6500 cyclists crossing the Washington Avenue Bridge each school day, we can come to the conclusion that the U of M has a lot more than a handful of bicycles. The massive size (2,730 acres) of the Twin Cities campus requires students, faculty and staff to use bicycles to get from one building to another around campus. There are other modes of transportation (skateboards and rollerblades) used by the people at the U of M, but bicycles without a doubt will be the quickest way for you to get from one location to another.

The U of M knows that the usage of bicycles around campus has grown through the years. With this realization, they have decided to open up a bike center on campus for the people of the university. The Bike Center officially opened on September 29. It sells many items and accessories such as bike seats, locks, helmets, sleeves, bike lights, and even brand-new bicycles. The Bike Center also offers repairs (fees differing based on service) and classes in smart cycling and bike maintenance. Truly, the Bike Center at the U of M has a lot to offer.

Enough about the facts, and let me tell you about the reactions of student-bikers, such as myself, about the University Bike Center.

Personally, I live in Middlebrook Hall and by just looking at the map, you can tell that Middlebrook Hall(West Bank) is “oh my gosh” far from the Bike Center, which is located outside Oak St. Ramp(East Bank). Yes, you might say it will be quick for me to get over there using my bike, but how will I get to the Bike Center if something is wrong with my bike?

The location of the Bike Center is a problem for students living on the West Bank or those not living in the Superblock, since they’re neighbors with the Bike Center. I have even asked some students living in the Superblock if they had been to the Bike Center and almost all of them have said that they’d rather go the bike shops in Dinkytown. Some of the bikers don’t even know where the Bike Center is located and I realized, when I took a visit last Monday, that the Bike Center is hidden and hardly can be seen. It is also located in an area where students don’t normally pass through since there are no classrooms in the area.

Finding the Bike Center was a challenge at first, but luckily I found it hidden behind a huge post. I entered the Bike Center and the workers were more than willing to help me. They were able to fix my bike and with no charge I left the Bike Center happy, but again getting from the Bike Center to the Mall Area/West Bank would be a problem.

The Bike Center may have multiple equipment and services (sometimes free – depending on the service) but the bike shops in Dinkytown, which for many is easier to access, also offers these same equipments and services that the Bike Center offers. I’m not telling you to not go to the Bike Center, but I’m just telling you that the path and way to get there will be tough but in the end you’ll get what you needed from the Bike Center, because they have almost everything a biker needs.

I know most of the stuff I’ve said are disadvantages on the Bike Center, but it has some advantages also. First of all, it is

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josie keifenheim

a university sponsored bike shop with students employees.

Second, its available services are really great and the employees at the Bike Center are more than willing to help. Lastly, the Bike Center sells a lot of useful equipment for not only the bike but also for the biker such as helmets, sleeves, and so much more which is a definite plus to everyone, and they are also sold at reasonable prices.

The Bike Center is still in its freshman year and is still developing better services and equipment for the bikers around campus, but as of now, the only and major problem of the Bike Center is the location. Most of the disadvantages of the Bike Center I talked about are mostly caused by the heavy con-

struction on Washington Avenue, but once the construction is complete, the path to the Bike Center would be more convenient and soon more bikers would be willing to go to there.

Sooner or later the Bike Center would grow and develop to be the one stop shop for all bikers at the U of M. For more information of the Bike Center go here: http://www.umn.edu/pts/bike/bikecenter.html

cities

Goldy Hates Bikers

ed doing this semester by painting green bike lanes near the intersection of University Ave and Pleasant Street. But as any biker on campus would point out, biking to campus has always involved unsafe interactions with vehicles and pedestrians many other places near campus. The intersection where Hull was killed, 4th Street and15th Avenue SE, has always been a difficult place for bikers. Laws and regulations affecting biking and vehicle accidents have largely been ignored by both the University and UMPD.

How Newly Enforced Laws Are Cracking Down on Bikers

By Eric Best As everyone on campus has observed, the University has recently cracked down on bikers riding on sidewalks, along with many other spots on campus. However, cracking down seems to be a weak term to describe it. Each morning on the way to class I see a biker get a $115 ticket, sometimes two or three at a time by campus law enforcement. In fact, campus law enforcement has given away hundreds of tickets since they decided to finally uphold campus biking laws this semester.

Last year the University received a Silver Ranking for Friendly Biking by the League of American Bicyclists. They had this to say: “the University promotes bicycling as a viable form of transportation and gives its employees choices and options that make biking to work a real alternative.”

Bullshit.

Not only is this ranking no longer pertinent to the University, but major safety concerns in and around campus have been ignored or underfunded. The most tragic and devastating ac-

Old Laws: New Enforcement The Real Reasons Behind the Bike Laws

By Eric Best with Deputy Chief Charles Miner of UMPD With a campus stricken by some of the longest and most ambitious road construction in recent memory, the University of Minnesota Police Department (UMPD) is having a much more difficult time with keeping the public safe. One of the measures they are taking involves the increased enforcement of the laws restricting bikers on sidewalks. Though they may seem like it to students, these laws aren’t new. In fact, according to Deputy Chief Charles Miner of the UMPD, “some citations [UMPD officers] issue are based on the state bicycle law and that has been in existence since 1978. Others, such as the citations we have been issuing on the Scholars Walk, are based on U of M Traffic Ordinances, which were first adopted in the 1990’s... [Thus] we could have been enforcing [the laws] all along.” Maps of what routes are available to take in to campus are available from the Parking and Transportation Services website.

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cidents on campus in recent memory have been near Dinkytown; where Kimberly Hull, 25, was killed last year when she collided with a semi truck, and where one student suffered serious injuries and two were killed by a car going the wrong way down Fifth street. That intersection still bares the occasional bouquet flowers and the recognizable memorial bike, attached to a street sign.

It would seem that the University should focus on creating safer ways for bikers to get on campus by creating clearer or more appropriate traffic signals – which they have just start-

The punishment for biking on a campus sidewalk has consistently been the $115 fine. Although, Miner said that students interested in fighting the ticket can try setting up a court date and contesting the citation. Like all citations the UMPD issues, they are handled by the Hennepin County district court. Depending on the decision from the court the fine may be paid through a certain number community service hours or by attending bike safety classes.

Lately, there have been a large number of cases of accidents between bikers and vehicles, pedestrians, and other bikers.

According to Miner “there has been a significant increase in bike-related accidents since the beginning of the fall semester. It is not because of the [laws], but because of all of the traffic issues related to light rail construction. Bicycles, buses, and cars used to be able to use Washington Avenue as a main thoroughfare, but now that it is closed, all of that traffic has been displaced to smaller inner-campus streets.”

“In most cases, the accidents the [UMPD] have had involving bicyclists were the fault of the bicyclist. There appears to be a belief among some bicyclists that they have the right of way in all situations and can do as they please. That is not the case though. As noted in the state bicycle law, ‘every person operating a bicycle shall

The biggest problem for bikers on campus is that people have been accustomed to these laws being unenforced, or at the very least less strictly enforced, and just this semester campus law enforcement decided to give out tickets for the offense of biking on designated sidewalks. It seems arbitrary that they have decided to do this, and unfair to now expect bikers who have been going to the University for years, who have become accustomed to relaxed rules. One of the main safety concerns with bikes on campus is the possibility of collisions with pedestrians. As a reaction to reports, the University has recently put up “yield to walkers” signs near the scholar walk (where bikers must walk their bikes anyway) and other popular biking lanes around campus in order to lessen this danger that has existed around campus for years.

As it has become much harder to use a bike on campus I have observed more and more people switching to less ‘substantial’ ways of transportation: skateboards, roller blades, longboards, and the almighty razor scooter. These modes of getting to your next class, though seemingly bro-tastic or immature, seem to be the safest way to get around.

have all of the rights and duties applicable to the driver of any other vehicle.’”

In addition to trying to keep the public safe through increased enforcement of the influx of traffic through the campus, the University has created the “Safety is Easy, Pavement is Hard” program, creating iconic signs all over campus and informing the public about easy tips in order to stay safe while getting around. Through these laws and programs the UMPD hopes that they can lessen the burden that the Light Rail Construction has placed upon them for the next few years in order to keep students safe.

chuemengka yang

www.wakemag.org

09

feature

Annual Halloween Outdoor Puppet Extravaganza

by Alicia Johnson

Life sized puppets, unforgettable songs and dances, and stunts so crazy involving shadows, bikes, and fire makes this event a must see this Halloween season. BareBones Production’s Annual Halloween Outdoor Puppet Extravaganza is right around the corner. There is no exaggeration when they say it is an “extravangza.” Hundreds of volunteers and workers come together each year to produce this unique experience. This year the story is about a traveler who tinkers with death and ends up messing up his very own cycle of life. Included will be free food and drinks that can be enjoyed with the cast and crew. And not to mention a band will be playing afterwards. This show is meant to explore the historical side of Halloween and the cycle of death in the fall. It is very rare to find shows about Halloween that are entertaining and yet still teach the audience accurate facts. They even allow audience members to be included in a ceremony for those who have passed or more private people can do this individually at sites around the area. Another great feature of this event is that it is a “pay-what-you-can” entrance fee. They suggest a $5-$20 donation, but will not turn people away if they cannot pay. The Annual Halloween Outdoor Puppet Extravaganza is appropriate for all ages and it is being showed 5 times over the last 2 weekends in October, but with the average audience being over 1,000 during the last weekend, people are encouraged to go October 22 or 23 to ensure that everyone gets a spectacular view of the whole production. Check out their website for more information.

Rocky Horror Live!

By Alex Lauer

I don’t know anyone who thinks Rocky Horror is “ok.” Either you don’t get it or you’re obsessed with it. The good thing is that you don’t have to even know what Rocky Horror is to enjoy the live version being put on at the Lab Theater in Minneapolis.

Just to clarify, this is not The Rocky Horror Picture Show movie that has become a cult-favorite and plays at midnight screenings across the country. This is the live stage version that actually came before Tim Curry’s reign. This reincarnation features a group of eccentric local and out-of-state talent, with the big name being Don Shelby, who plays The Narrator. Yes, the former WCCO news anchor. When I heard this casting, I did an eye-roll AND an exaggerated sigh. This was obviously done just to get people in the seats. Honestly though, he was the biggest surprise. He opens the show with an out-of-character monologue that is unexpectedly clever and well-delivered.

It definitely warms up the crowd.

For people unfamiliar with the Rocky cult, it gets rowdy. During the film version, fans have developed commentary that they yell at the screen in response to the characters, and this has carried over to the stage. So when Brad Majors introduces himself, don’t be surprised if you hear multiple people yell, “ASSHOLE!” That’s normal.

Highlights: • The Lab Theater is the best theater in Minneapolis. It’s basically a warehouse where the stage is on the same level as the seats, so expect them getting up close and personal.

• Andre Shoals as Dr. Frank-n-Furter • Molly Callinan as Magenta • The costume contest held during intermission.

Soap Factory Haunted Basement by lindsey geyer

I feel as though I should be truthful to you upfront: I scare easily. Very easily. With that said, the Soap Factory’s Haunted Basement is frightening, don’t get me wrong, but it did not have me screaming the safe word. You are told to NEVER let go of the rope, otherwise you will be sucked into a vortex of haunted rooms and dim hallways with flickering lights, and never return. To be separated from your group is the worst thing that could happen, and the creatures inevitably lurking down the dark stairwell WILL touch you. That is why you have to sign the waver. The actors were dedicated and the costumes and sets were unquestionably fantastic. You stumble through a maze of different situations and sets, all creepy and quite disturbing in their own right (I’m not sure if masturbating to fluffy stuffed animals is scary but it sure was one of the more disturbing environments of terror), and while attempting to follow the rules given to you at the beginning, they suddenly become impossible to adhere to. The rope abruptly disappears, and the climax of the night comes when you are bombarded with screams to “face the wall and put your hands above your head” while simultaneously having your eyes and face covered with a blinding mask to avoid all possible vision. I refuse to ruin the surprise, but I will say that everyone rose to the surface at different times, and everyone had a different experience.

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17 – 31 october 2011

feature

www.wakemag.org

11

sound & vision

The Creepshow (1982) by habakkuk stockstill Masters of Horror Stephen King and George Romero need no introduction. Whether you’re a fan of horror movies or not, you can’t deny classics such as The Shining or The Night of the Living Dead. The collective macabre and genius of King and Romero were once combined to produce the 1980’s cult classic, The Creepshow.

The Creepshow is a collection of five stories packed with suspense, horror, and at times a little comic relief.

Each story has a unique “what goes around comes around” twist to it. Take the story of Upson Pratt, a selfabsorbed, lonesome greedy business man, who suffers from Mysophobia (fear of germs). He spends most of his life isolating himself in his high-end Manhattan condo. But soon, Pratt finds himself trapped in his loft surrounded by a horde of disease infected cockroaches. Another peculiar story is Billy’s, a young boy who has an abusive father and nowhere to turn. Billy buys a mail-order Voodoo doll and starts poking it with a needle. At the same time, Billy’s father begins to feel sharp pains in his stomach and suddenly drops dead. This is just a small sample of what to expect from the movie. With the way the storyline and actors merge together, it’s a nobrainer that The Creepshow would go on to become an instant cult classic.

Overall, I think The Creepshow is the perfect Halloween movie, especially for those that don’t really “do” horror films. Even tough Creepshow is not your typical “hack and slash” horror film, it does have enough blood, thrills, suspense and twists to keep your attention. I’d say it’s one to place on your must see movie list.

Halloweentown (1998) by alex lauer You’ll only be able to understand how hilarious the title of this movie review is if you’ve actually seen Halloweentown. Not only that, but your childhood will never be complete until you’ve seen this Disney Channel Original Movie. Ask anyone. If you’ve somehow managed to scrape by all the way to adulthood on those other lackluster Halloween films, I’ll give you the run-down.

It’s all about this angsty girl, Marnie. You see, Marnie has a problem. Every year she wants to celebrate Halloween, go trick-or-treating with her friends and all that, but her darn mom won’t let her. Now she’s the big 13 and is fed up. Her grandmother comes in to town as she does every Halloween, but this time she’s on a mission. Long story short: Marnie is a witch and so is her mom and so is her grandmother and there’s this place called Halloweentown where there are ghosts that can sweat and skeletons that drive taxis—ok, that’s it, I don’t want to ruin it! By the way, the grandmother, Aggie, is played by Debbie Reynolds. Not even kidding. I would say it’s her best work.

If you’re looking for something scary, look somewhere else. This movie is a classic because it’s so ridiculous. It’s one of those movies that’s so obviously made on a “Disney Channel Original Movie” budget that you can’t help but laugh. The witches’ brooms look like 80’s household brooms, the flying effects could have been done in my garage, and there’s a person that’s a pincushion. WTF? This movie is amazing.

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sound & vision

Trick ‘r Treat (2007)

By Ally Kodet This movie IS Halloween. There are pesky tweens knocking over jack-o-lanterns, kids getting sky high on sugar, and young women using the holiday purely to display their cup sizes. The movie is told in four narratives that exemplify the different ways people choose to celebrate. Despite the former, I can see why Trick ‘r Treat went straight to DVD. It’s trying a bit too hard to be too many things. The movie aims to be horrific, but spends time poking fun at the genre simultaneously. A storyline with interwoven tales will usually rope me in instantly, but Trick ‘r Treat certainly reads more haphazard than seamless. Are you a gore lover? The movie shouldn’t disappoint on that end. I’ve seen (and loved) the Saw series and cringed a good deal more during the bloody scenes in this movie. There’s something about fake blood spewing out of a kid’s mouth and werewolf transformations that get me. Trick ‘r Treat is not all negatives, though. The flick was short and sweet (no pun intended), the score was great, and I definitely got some chuckles in. I thoroughly enjoyed a scene where a sweet little girl complimented a crotchety old man on his “mummy costume.” In reality, he had essentially just been to hell and back and the bandages were very much necessary. Halloween lovers should watch the movie at least once. After that, I would try another Halloween-centered horror on for size.

Thankskilling (2009) By lindsey geyer As the days become cooler and it is apparent that summer days are over, I find myself wanting to curl into a cocoon of blankets and watch those classic holiday movies that glorify the changing seasons and get you hyped up for the holidays. My personal favorite of these is the little-known, yet always intriguing film called Thankskilling. The story of a turkey on a killing rampage beautifully contrasts the holiday in which it is set. Thanksgiving, the time meant to reflect with family, and most importantly, forcing one to reflect on all the great things one has, is undoubtedly the perfect time for a wrathful turkey not satisfied with simply killing one person. His desire to kill more drives him, makes him take risks North American birds have never taken before, and leads him down a path of destruction. A wondrously constructed metaphor, with even better acting skills on the part of the human cast, Thankskilling brings the spirit of the holiday to the forefront. This movie, although set during that November holiday, should not be restricted to a Thanksgiving viewing. Perfect for Halloween night, this movie will get you in the mood to take to the town and cause mayhem fit for All Hallows Eve. Most horror movies focus on a creature bent on destroying everything in its path, but the antagonist in Thankskilling has much more depth, focusing on a specific group which makes it more frightening to those Thanksgiving turkey dinner lovers. My desire is that you watch this movie this holiday season, and my sincerest apologies for those that took me seriously.

www.wakemag.org

13

sound & vision

Cri Mes

by Zach McCormick

In an era where rising operational costs for bands have made many songwriters second-guess the need for collaboration, it’s truly refreshing to see a group like Crimes garnering some significant buzz in the local music scene. Led by Andrew Jansen, who enticed his co-conspirators with a few murky bedroom demos in 2010, the band has blossomed into a full-fledged group and recorded an album called Good Hope that they’ll be releasing on October 22 at the 7th Street Entry. Andrew, Hannah, and Luke biked over to meet me to talk about their new album, the band’s musical chemistry, and how badass their guitarist Reese Hagy was for skipping out on the interview to go to OccupyMN.

The Wake:It’s a bit hard to keep tabs on all the groups you guys have been in, how did Crimes form?

Andrew Jansen (Lead Vocals and Baritone Guitar): Well, I gave Hannah some of the demos I had made, I think I only made like 5 or 6 and I put them in newspaper, and I think there was some pretty nasty crime in that issue…was yours like that?

W: Your press material lists groups like The Pixies, Beach House, and Arcade Fire, but I get the feeling that there’s a lot more to Crimes. Name one or three influences that your average fan might not know you love.

A: Some people say my voice is sorta like Beck…

Hannah Fraser (Bass and Vocals):

L: Bands like Refused fuel a lot of the way that I do things, not necessarily in the way I play but just in the overall theme…

Yeah, it was an article about a murder or something in the paper.

A: With Reese too, kinda that hardcore/post-hardcore thing…

A: I put it in the crimes section of the paper, and I told the people I gave it to “listen to this, this is what I’m working on”, and I think Hannah and Ali [Jaffar] both listened to it and liked it a lot, but I gave it to like 8 other people who didn’t even listen to it. About 8 months later those two got back to me to ask what was happening with the demos and I was like “Oh…I don’t know what I’m gonna do with these…”

H: And I was like “I wanna play bass in that band…if it ever happens”.

A: So then we needed a Drummer…

Luke Friedrich (Drums):…and that’s where I came in.

W: Could you tell us a little about these Demos?

A: Well, I was in A Paper Cup Band, which was a lot more acoustic and I bought a new guitar and that guitar is really what created the project. Because it’s a Baritone guitar, it made me have to think about guitar in a different way, and I was just playing guitar lines different. So the demos were just me kind of noodling on that guitar and learning it. The songs Crimes are playing now are mostly from those demos I recorded about a year ago as sort of an intro to that guitar.

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L: After seeing Brute Heart play for the first time the way that their drummer plays things made me rethink my style like “Well, I’m not going to just play this in a conventional way anymore”.

H: I think we’re all into music that maybe wouldn’t be expected but doesn’t necessarily sound like Crimes sounds like, like the hardcore stuff…there’s some really cool harmonies in this Swedish punk band I listen to called Masshysteri.

A: There’s a lot of Baritone guitar going on in West coast surf music, which is kinda what led me to want to get a Baritone.

W: You’re just about to release your debut album Good Hope, that you recorded with ex-Wake Editor-in-Chief and Hollow Boys frontman Ali Jaffar at No Pines studios, how did that go?

H: It was awesome!

L: It was really good, we had everything set-up beforehand with Ali, like microphone placement, drums that we were going to use and things like that. We went there one morning in Febuary and had breakfast in the kitchen, then started recording the basic tracks.

H: Everything was recorded in one twelve hour day and one nine hour day, and then we came back next week to record a few more vocals.

L: It felt really organic and easy.

A: We recorded it “live”, and usually the drums at No Pines are recorded in the attic which has a really “dry,” 70’s kind of sound, but this time we used their big open wood room and the drums just sounded so good. Because it’s a house, we recorded the guitars on another floor and had to run the cables up to my room and another person’s room for tracking.

W: Wait, were you living in the house at the time?

W: Andrew’s songs originated the group, but is it still a topdown songwriting process or do you guys all contribute now?

L: It’s pretty collaborative at this point, it usually starts with Andrew’s idea and then we jam our little parts out until we figure out what we’re gonna do with it.

A: Kind of like how the demos started with me riffing and me just putting the song together, now I’ll come up with a riff or a melody line with my voice and we’ll all work around it. It seems like that’s way more effective than if you’re just in your room and you have to think up all these parts, that’s gonna take a year but we already have 4 or 5 demos and it’s only been a month or two.

A: Yeah, so it was sorta like doing a home recording, but having Ali come in made it professional.

L: It’s really good to have an engineer outside the band.

A: When you don’t have a second person, your ears get kind of skewed, I think.

W: No Pines has quite the cast: Sleeping in the Aviary, Buffalo Moon, tons of other groups. Was there a lot of community involvement in Good Hope?

A: Oh yeah. Even though I woke up there every day, we had to set up a time to make the record since that house was booked out pretty well in advance. I think Sleeping in the Aviary was

sound & vision

A: We wanted something creepy but not too creepy, architecturally beautiful…

L: There’s some fat guy in the background that you can see. (laughs) H: I think we wanted it to be really measured out, very symmetrical and linear. And also to make people wonder “What… is going on? It seems kind of dark, but also sort of glowing.

What the hell?” At the shoot everybody was freaked out by the swords…

A: This one guy goes “What are you doing?” and we told him we were shooting an album cover and he’s like “I don’t wanna hear it!”

L: “I wouldn’t listen to your album based on what you’re doing here!”

A: And I was like “Oh no! Is it really that ominous?”

H: But it’s really pretty…

A: And it’s called Good Hope!

keit osadchuk

even mixing at the time we were in there. I think that helps the fast track of things, having so much music around you. I feel like the things I’ve learned in the last year musically have all been a part of living in that house, because once I learned something I had to tell everyone I knew. Then they’ll tell me what makes their creativity flow easier.

W: A lot of bands release singles or EP’s first, why release an album on vinyl right off the bat?

W: You’ve generated quite a bit o’ buzz in a short amount of time, did you forsee the group moving this fast or has this taken you by surprise?

L: Actually we could go a little faster (Laughs), it’s been cool to get support from local radio like The Current, that’s new for me. We were all in other bands when this group got going and had played on Radio K and things like that, but this group’s a completely different ship than the last band I was in.

A: It’s hard to not want it to go faster sometimes…

H: I think we all really felt like this wasn’t just material to put out on a CD-R. To me personally, CD-Rs just feel kind of cheap and they just get scratched and lost and whatever. We felt like tape was probably too lo-fi for it, although I also really am into putting out tapes. We didn’t want it to just be MP3’s either, so it seemed like vinyl was the best way.

L: I’d like my Million-Dollar check now please (laughs)

L: It’s cool to get this big sexy piece of white vinyl that takes a physical process to put on. You can also get the CD with it so you can listen in your car or whatever too.

A: We played this benefit show at Cause, and it was a really quiet night but then all of a sudden when we played people just poured into the room, and we didn’t really even promote it that well.

W: At the same time that requires a lot more of an investment in the band, did you ever second-guess yourselves?

A: Just that first time…well…yeah, actually.

H: I’m working my ass off right now to pay for the rest of it, it’s been really hard.

A: Honestly, I really think we’re going to sell out of them in two months though.

L: Man, that’d be awesome…

H: That would be so cool.

A: Someone from Albuquerque just bought it!

L: Now we’re gonna have to bike to Albuquerque and Chicago!

W: Was there a moment when you realized that Crimes had “legs” so to speak? When things started to take off?

L: When I see people’s reactions, like at a show when they go “oh!” and there’s something they really liked.

W: The album features a very striking cover. Who took it, and what was the thought behind that?

L: I think the timer took it actually…

A: It was Hannah’s camera!

H: Yeah, I took it apparently! I lined it up and everything and then put on the timer so it wouldn’t be blurry.

A: We were looking for a building that looked kinda gothic and ominous, and you don’t really think of that with the Lake Harriet Bandshell but I showed everyone a photo and they were like “oh, that’s kind of a cool building!” So I drew a picture of Reese on his knees and my fiancé with a sword and a blindfold…

W: Why did you decide to release the single “Gold in Your Eyes” so long before the album comes out? Did it get out accidentally?

A: Chase from Radio K’s Off the Record was on my ass about it! That’s the real reason, he was like “we will play this the second you give it to us”, and I told the band. I’m kind of like that, if someone wants it right now, like if we were asked to play a show in the middle of nowhere Missouri, we’d totally do it if they felt that passionate about it, you know?

W: What does the future hold for Crimes?

A: We’re going for creepier and dancier!

L: We’re really embracing our serial killer aspect. But also whatever we do next is gonna be more involved with all of us. The stuff we’re working on now came organically from us working together at the same time.

A: We’re thinking this record will add to our live set, so we can still play these old songs but have the new ones fill it out.

L: We haven’t played a single new song that we wrote as group at a show…ever.

A: But we’ll play a new one or two at the release show! And I think they’ll be our best songs. People go weirdly nuts…

L: Like “You’re not done yet! Please do one more!” and we say “we’ve got one more but that’s really all we have!”.

When you’ve got local radio stations knocking down your door to get your single, it’s usually something special and “Gold in Your Eyes” definitely deserved all of the attention. Woozy guitar reverb and sweet harmonies from Hannah make this the last summer jam of 2011, and the monster hook doesn’t hurt either. Crimes was cool enough to let you get a slice of what the DJ’s have been clamoring for up on our website, so log on to wakemag.org, put on some headphones and pretend it’s still 90 degrees out.

L: We used my Civil War reenactment swords!

www.wakemag.org

15

mind’s eye

Tiny Pets The Next Big Thing

By Ally Kodet lure of smaller-than-average pets. Still, can we please draw a line somewhere? A dog does not have to fit into your pocket or sport Barbie doll-sized clothing to be a worthwhile pet.

Frankly, I would be fine if dogs were walking on leashes instead of taking residence in a small designer tote. Paris Hilton, I’m looking at you.

rachel mosey

The United States, ordinarily known for mammoth meal proportions, the obesity epidemic, and anything you would ever want on a stick has taken a turn to the miniscule…but I’m not talking about our eating habits. What I’m referring to is our nation’s recent fascination with miniaturized fluffy friends. At a whopping five feet tall, I can appreciate the al-

The Future of Print Media Kinda Looks Like the Present

by Alyssa Bluhm Over the past decade we’ve watched as technology has moved the future closer to the present right before our eyes. Sure, it was a long shot when The Jetsons television show convinced everyone that cars would fly by now, but the past ten years have brought a lot of worthy consolation prizes. Technology has become more portable than it ever was before, and most of these inventions, like camera phones and the iPod, have been greeted with open arms.

Electronic media, however, is a more controversial addition to the list of portable gadgets. Books, magazines, newspapers (all originally forms of print media) aren’t independently “gadgets”, but they are when used in tandem with tablet computers. Carrying around the iPad is like carrying around a compact library, and even without downloading e-books or apps for The New Yorker and Fox News, their content can still be accessed on tablets simply by visiting their web pages on the Internet. Because of portable technology, media has essentially become a machine as functional as any other device that needs its batteries to be regularly charged.

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What many people don’t know is that there’s a price to pay for “teacup puppies.” If it’s not the upfront cost of your dog, it will likely be the cash you shell out for medical care later on.

Breeders take underweight male and female dogs and charge anywhere from $1000 to $10,000 a pop for their offspring. In some cases, the breeder will even induce early labor in the pregnant female. The puppies may look cute, but their teeny tiny bodies often mean an increased likelihood of seizures, blindness, hypoglycemia, heart problems, etcetera. If the pup manages to escape these genetic defects, there’s still a greater possibility of broken bones, even from something as simple as jumping off the couch. Caring for one of these “teacup” dogs is much like tending to a newborn. The thing people don’t see is that unlike a newborn, the tiny dogs will likely stay the same size forever.

And it’s not just dogs. Americans have recently become enamored with teacup pigs. I admit to being rather charmed by a YouTube video of the little piglets, and became more interested when I heard celebrities like Rupert Grint were scooping them up. I squealed at the thought of having a terrier sized pig for a pet, but then I did my research. These pigs DO get big-

ger-at the 4 or 5 years old they are full grown and will weigh anywhere from 45 to 100 pounds. They supposedly make wonderful pets, but people need to realize that they are still pigs.

They need wide open spaces to play in and aren’t allowed to live in many cities, similar to ferrets not being allowed as pets in Minneapolis. There is also the concern of these pigs getting along with other pets.

I’m not saying we all need to buy into the American stereotype and go big or go home. Frankly, not everyone has the square footage for a huge Great Dane or Newfoundland dog in their house, apartment, or what have you. But most people probably don’t have the money for surgery after surgery for these miniaturized pets, either. Do the research and, for goodness sakes, get your puppy out of that ballerina costume.

But with all this change to electronic media, will user-friendly print media become obsolete?

the same content, so readership is pointed toward fresh stories in the print version.

Surprisingly, it’s not very likely; the very nature of electronic media holds print books and magazines in place.

For now, print and electronic media are maintaining a symbiotic relationship with tablets and e-readers. Soon enough though, tablets will undoubtedly be a part of mainstream culture. But just like the classy collectors of vinyl records, there will always be people around who enjoy collecting books and magazines, and prefer them to the electronic media standards of the time.

First of all, true littérateurs will never grow tired of print books: the way they smell, the thrill of risking a paper cut by flipping the page, how their batteries don’t die in the middle of a chapter—the list goes on. Print media is immune to becoming lost in the shuffle of constantly updated electronic media, and has the added benefit of being used as homey, intelligent bookcase décor. It also goes without saying how much more dreadful the doctor’s office would be without sundry magazines accumulating in the waiting room. Although tablets and e-readers are gaining ubiquity, advertising only makes them look like they’ve emerged to mainstream use— print media remains more widely consumed.

Print media is still effective in terms of self-advertising, too. The caveat to owning tablet computers is that they cater to a niche market. Apps and e-books are so specialized that users have to already know what content they want to download onto their tablets; they don’t typically use them to search for new content.

That’s where print comes in. Flipping through magazines in the checkout aisle and browsing for books in Barnes & Noble gives consumers a better feel for what they might potentially purchase. Buying a periodical can direct users to Internet and app content, but interest still commonly sparks in consumers when they see print media products on the shelf. Likewise, web pages and apps for published works don’t always contain

angie frisk

humanities

CONDITIONAL IDENTITY

BY KELSEY SCHWARTZ

“What should we do today Patrick?”

“Let’s play catch nurse Becky, thats always a jest, John!”

“Yes, that is a grand jest, Patrick!”

“Patrick, John, you have it all wrong!”

“What do you think we should do Jeff?”

“Let’s play Kill nurse Becky!”

“Yes”

“Yessss...”

“Jeffery, who were you talking to?”

“No one nurse Becky...”

www.wakemag.org

17

humanities

AUTUMNLAND

By Blake Williams

the angel

I wish I lived in Autumnland

By Alex Lauer

Where the air is always brisk But couples still hold hands

You’ll always find me crunching leaves when I walk home from school,

And when I say brisk

guided by these gifts from the trees

I was reaching for crisp Like the apples that fill the trees,

My eyes stay on these autumn jewels

That hang amongst the auburn leaves,

that gather like fire around my feet

For the leaves are always dying

until at once appeared a bright white ghoul

The most beautiful of deaths, Exuding fantastic colors

No, an angel! of heaven come down to meet

With their final breaths,

she floats under an elm with leaves smooth

Shades of gold and of red

I must have done something right, what a treat!

Of orange and of honey I looked around for neighbors to pool Not like the cold shades

for them to gather and ruin with their heat

Of human demise,

her pale stare which had turned the air cool

Shades of purple and of blue And the whitest eyes,

But speak! Don’t be cruel,

This is the first dead person

who do you think I am? A fool?

I’ve seen in Autumnland.

I stood gazing at this being, heaven sent,

An image I can’t ignore,

until I noticed the noose around her neck.

Bloated and frozen On the banks of the shore, What are those coming down the river?

Oh God, there’s more.

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the bastards

www.wakemag.org

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Next meeting will be held in The Wake’s office (located at 1313 5th St SE #331):

November 1, 8:30 PM