The Wake Issue 2 Spring 2007

From Lysol to The Secrets of the Pill /14 Como Zoo /04 PLUS NE Arts Bike Map / U-Swing(!) / More The Weekly Student Magazine of the University of Minnesota

04-11 April 2007

Editorial/ Editor-in-Chief Jenny Odegard

Managing Editor Eric Price

Athletics Editor Nick Gerhardt

Campus Editor Brad Tucker

Literary Editor Jacob Duellman

Sound & Vision Editor Alice Vislova

Voices Editor Nathaniel Olson

Editorial Assistants Dan Olmschenk, Tammy Quan

Staff Writer Carl Carpenter, Becky Lang

PRODUCTION/ Production Manager Jeremy Sengly

Art Director Sam Soule

Photography Editor Ethan Stark

Web Editor Luke Preiner

Copy Editors Brent Campbell, Erin Lavigne

Graphic Designers Dave Hagen, Eric Price, Becki Schwartz, Jeremy Sengly, Krista Spinti

Distributors Preston Jones, Luke Preiner

BUSINESS/ Advertising Executive Tyler Jones

Office Manager Elizabeth Keely Shaller

Public Relations Director Allie Dinnocenzo

Advertising Interns Ben Anderson, Autumn Brothers, Eric McPherson

Advisory Board James DeLong, Kevin Dunn, Courtney Lewis, Gary Schwitzer, Kay Steiger, Mark Wisser

THIS ISSUE/ Cover Artist Ben Alpert Illustrators Scott Allen, Ben Alpert, Dave Hagen, Irene, Kawalec, Mike Menas, Eric Price, Jeremy Sengly, Sean Tubridy

Contributing Writers Sage Dahlen, Jacob Duellman, Nick Frantzen, Nick Gerhardt, Kelly Gulbrandson, Evelyn Hampton, Matt Holland, Ali Jaafar, Becky Lang, Ras Tapunk Ram Dass, That Bird Outside the Window, Alice Vislova

Photographers Matt Holland, Christopher Roberts, Rahima Schwenkbeck, Ethan Stark

/5:24 Š2007 The Wake Student Magazine. All rights reserved.

Established in 2002, The Wake is a weekly independent magazine and registered student organization produced by and for the students of the University of Minnesota.

The Wake Student Magazine 1313 5th St. SE #331 Minneapolis, MN 55414 (612) 379-5952 • www.wakemag.org The Wake was founded by Chris Ruen and James DeLong.

Dear Readers,

Channel 5 More Asinine Than Ever/12

Last Thursday, a group of students (including myself) held a silent candle rally on the mall as a step in organizing the campus to take action against the atrocities being committed in the Darfur region of Sudan. Normally, I am not a rally person because I avoid situations in which large groups of people complain with loudspeakers and then take no real action. The great part about this event was that no loudspeakers were involved, and there was real action. Two petitions went around the group, both being brought to the attention of our local lawmakers and University officials, asking the University to financially divest from corporations that have a hand in funding the government in Sudan that is currently killing people who live in the Darfur region for a number of complex reasons, including ethnic and religious ones.

This issue runs back decades, and the killing has recently come up for discussion as a possible case of genocide. To me, this technicality is not relevant.

Targeting murders are taking place on a large scale, which is wrong and tragic no matter what term we use to define it.

VOICES/08

Please, write to your state representative and let them know that it’s important that we discontinue our financial support of these murders. For more information about grass roots organizing, go to www. standnow.org to get in touch with the Student AntiGenocide Coalition.

LITERARY/10

Hugs and Punches,

Sound & Vision/04

CAMPUS/14 PHOTOGRAPHY/18 ATHLETICS/20 BASTARD/23

Jenny Odegard

Editor-in-Chief

Sound & Vision/

S p a rk y the S e a L ion

an d ot he r Mys te rie s of Co mo Pa rk

Th e Wake Inve st ig at es by ali ce vis lova

so ful l of sun, there’s ting moments that are ly There are cer tai n flee t and warmth sudden As clouds cleared, ligh ing tify no room for cynicism. gra a g din floo e, enhouse’s glass dom filtered through the gre sies. A semi circle of low lilies and blue pan yel , ips display of red tul car p, who watched the fountain watch ing the chi ldren sat around the with Vivaldi. o pierced the humid air Terzetto string trio, wh kated a shamelessly tac r. 24, Como Park celebr of ing inn On the weekend of Ma beg the ing rat Weekend, commemo ily named Spring Fli ng can ignore the spring Flower Show. Nobody ing Spr ir n spring and of the ly inexpensive locatio es the per fec t, relative kily tac , sly and Como Park provid les me sha be forget life for a day and emofor those who wa nt to able of such primitive cap l stil p shi der rea our in se tho For ries py. ste my hap wonders of s simplified guide to the tion, this is The Wa ke’ nservator y. of Como Park Zoo & Co

04/04–11 April 2007

\Sound & Vision

A day at

the zoo

9:00 a.m.

10:30 a.m.

1:00 p.m.

$1.50 Bus pass

Proceed into the zoo. A fun suggestion from Ethan Stark, The Wake’s photo editor is “wait by the camel long enough and I guarantee you’ll hear someone make a reference to terrorists.” The other animals are also nice.

$1.50

Wake up. This is not a time for sleeping, it is a time for taking the bus. More specifically, the 3A to Como Park.

10:00 a.m.

Exit the zoo. Head to the Cafesjian’s Carousel. This beautiful carousel had served in the Minnesota State Fair since 1914 and has now been restored to its former glory. Take a ride on the carousel, you know you want to.

Optional donation of $2.00 if you’re feeling generous

10:55 a.m.

Arrive at Como Park. In the first main lobby you can find a station where you can recycle old ink cartridges and cell phones. “Donate you cell phone! Save an Orangutan!” Proudly declares a sign. The precise logistics of the transformation remain a mystery to the visitor.

$2.00

1:30 p.m.

No trip to the zoo is complete without ice cream, which you can purchase from one of the many carts dispersed around the park. Wake writer Sage Dahlen suggests the King Kong Bar.

$5.00

11:00 a.m.

10:15 a.m.

$0 - $10.00

Now that you have successfully saved an orangutan you can proceed into the Marjorie McNeely Conservatory. The conservatory includes the Palm Dome, the Fern Room, the Sunken Garden, the North Garden, the Japanese Garden and the Bonsai Gallery.

If you are feeling adventurous, check out the Como Town amusement park, opening for the summer on May 5. I say adventurous not because the rides are typically very thrilling, but because they look as if you never know what second they might fall apart.

In fact, most of the rides are meant for younger children. However, there are several attractions you may enjoy including Teacups and Water Wars.

10:20 a.m.

If you are lucky, you may run into a representative of the Ramsey County Master Gardeners, available to answer any questions, as long as they are of a horticulture nature.

10:25 a.m. $0.01 On your way out of the conservatory, take a moment to toss a penny in a pond. Make a wish, and don’t tell anyone (or it won’t come true).

Take a swing at Putt’er There Mini Golf course. Test your skill on the last hole and win a free game.

2:00 p.m.

Take a walk around the park. Stroll leisurely through the many paths, or join the more athletic patrons in a jog around the lake.

3:00 p.m.

Find a bench and take a moment to sit and watch the people. People-watching at Como Park is even more fun than animal-watching. What can you learn about the human race today?

12:00 p.m.

3:30 p.m.

$7.09 + tax Catch lunch at the Zooper Foods concession area in the zoo. I suggest the “breaded premium” cheese curds, and a root beer float.

Head around the lake to find the paddle boat rentals.

Paddle boating is great because it is sailing and biking rolled into one and anyone can do it. What more could you want?

12:30 p.m.

4:00 p.m.

Check out Sparky the Sea Lion. Perhaps you can even catch a show later in the day. Sparky celebrated his 50th anniversary in 2006. The average lifespan of a sea lion is about 20 years. Hmmm, something’s fishy.

There are often free live concerts and plays at the Lakeside Pavilion. Check to if there is anything going on that night. Otherwise, start a bonfire in one of the four large fire circles and enjoy a picnic as the day combines with night.

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“ EXQUISITE! The Guthrie’s Merchant delivers the goods.”

~ Star Tribune

Special University of Minnesota Offer!

Photo: Matt Gray

All tickets just $15 on any Sunday, Tuesday or Wednesday evening performance in April. To receive this special price call the Guthrie Box Office at 612.377.2224 and ask for price code “AK.” This offer is not valid on previously purchased tickets or with other offers or discounts. Tickets purchased over the phone are subject to a $2.50 per ticket handling fee; the handling fee is waived for all tickets purchased in person.

612.377.2224

www.guthrietheater.org

Now through May 6 Wurtele Thrust Stage

sponsored by

\ Sound & Vision

Better Than Your Blog 365 Days/365 Plays

By Evelyn Hampton Take a mental note of all the ways you keep track of yourself, the ways you record, tag, and publicize your life: MySpace, Flickr, your personal website, your blog.

Consider who’s watching. Imagine filling a theater with the clique you share your digitized life with, the strangers, lovers, exes, friends, enemies, and weirdoes who access your online production of yourself.

In the minutes before Week 18 of Suzan-Lori Park’s 365 Days/365 Plays took the stage at the Suburban World Theater on Saturday, March 17th, I thought about the bars in Uptown, filled with St.Patty’s Day celebrants whose tipsy photos would be regurgitated onto the Internet in the morning. I thought about my own affinity for documenting myself through blogs and photo-sharing sights.

I thought, as the show was about to begin, about lifelogging, which will be the next trend in obsessive life-documentation if the powers that haunt the corporate corridors at Microsoft have their way.

If the medium is the massage, I thought gloomily, we’re all being massaged into sameness. It was a thought that could’ve brought on a bought of teenage-grade angst, had the show not promptly begun.

Within minutes, sitting in the dark with strangers, I became happily entranced by an ancient medium still imbued with possibility.

365 Days/365 Plays is a project of stunning proportions: one play written each day for one year. The project is Pulitzer-prize winner Suzan-Lori Park’s. As the story goes, she sat down in November of 2002 and dedicated herself to writing a play a day for the next year. On November 13, 2006, three years to the day after the 365th play was complete, 365 National Festival began and will run un-

ethan stark

til November 12, 2007. According to the official website (www.365plays365days.com), over 600 theater companies, arts organizations and universities are involved in the festival so far. In each participating city is a network of 52 performing groups; each group will produce one week of the festival, so each city will see a full year of plays.

They are dressed oddly, as though for a variety show: one performer wears Western garb, another is in drag. They applaud and bow. End of story.

The University of Minnesota’s Theatre Arts program performed Week 18. Jason Ballweber, Nic Hager, Steve Hortsman, Samantha Johns (who also directed the performance), Carolyn Kopecky, Ryan Lear, Tom Lloyd, Alisa Mattson, Noah Rios, Nikki Schultz, and Xanthia Walker collaborated to interpret and perform Parks’ scripts.

The result was dreamy and referential, each day between March 12 and 18 a short, enigmatic play occasionally reminiscent of the spooky allegories in Hans Christian Anderson’s The Brothers Grimm. Take the first play, March 12: a hunched, big-eared troll hops fiendishly onto the stage, a wrinkled paper bag in his hands. He pauses near an empty chair and waits expectantly. And, as in fairy tails, a fair, young woman enters the scene. She approaches the chair, inspects its cleanliness, and primly sits. The troll startles her, almost frightens her away. Out of morbid curiosity, though, she resists running away as the troll ominously opens his paper bag. She squirms anxiously, prepared to be affronted with some awesomely grotesque specimen. Instead, the troll takes out of the bag

a glittering tiara, which he places on the wary girl’s head, crowning her. She beams. End of scene.

March 16, “Opening Night,” was equally enigmatic. Following a brief scene satirizing the climax of Romeo and Juliet (Juliet stabs herself, begins to die, and sits up to starkly ask: Is this how it ends?), all nine performers take the stage as at the end of a performance, bowing and applauding for themselves. They are dressed oddly, as though for a variety show: one performer wears Western garb, another is in drag. They applaud and bow. End of story.

But not quite. As I learned after the performance while talking to Nikki Schultz, one of the performers, “Opening Night” references the play written for March 11. The group had to read beyond Week 18 when preparing their performance, tracing references and allusions.

For an audience who isn’t familiar with all 17 weeks of plays prior to Week 18, cryptic references may frustrate or confuse. Yet I found that they were a welcome abstraction, wonderfully complex compared to the transparency of daily blogs that read like lists.

Whether or not Parks intended 365 Days/365 Plays as a personal antidote to the glut of life documentation flooding the Internet, an original way to document her life, her project can certainly fill that role in today’s milieu. It is similar to and yet drastically different from something like a blog. Each play is personal and inextricably linked to her life, and yet each is written to be interpreted and personalized by others. The audience must be more intimate than an online venue would allow, gathering in a theater for a moment of suspended voyeurism.

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Sound & Vision/

What’s in a Book?

Minnesota Center for Book Arts’ Found In Translation

by Alice Vislova From disagreements to wars, think of how much is lost through a lack of understanding. The Minnesota Center for Book Arts addresses this issue in their current exhibit Found in Translation, which runs through April 28 in their 10th Avenue South gallery. The exhibit, set in MCBA’s exposed brick studio, with stylish red accents, features works from all mediums including paintings, drawings, sculpture, computer programs, audio, and mixed media.

“We want to challenge the idea that people have in their heads of what a book is,” explains MCBA Artistic Director, Jeff Rathermel. “A really broad definition of a book [is something that] communicates an idea through narration.”

The Found in Translation exhibit incorporates Rathermel’s agenda nicely. It defines the word translation as loosely as Rathermel defines a book, as “the conversion of something from one form to another.” This is a very broad definition including translation of languages, societies, people in various stages of life, and even translation of RNA to protein in the human body. The works displayed in the exhibit reflect MCBA and Rathermel’s broad definitions of both “books” and “translation.”

One common thread throughout the works is a desire to understand others. “It is necessary for us to be able to translate each other,” reasons Rathermel, “and to be clear and have compassion for each other.”

One installation is titled Wrongly Bodied Two. This piece tells the story of two people separated by history, brought together by the condition of being in a body of the opposite gender. The contemporary story is that of Jake, who is transitioning from female to male, the 19th century story is that of Ellen Craft, who escapes slavery by passing as a white man. This piece employs the theme of translation in two ways. Firstly, both characters undergo a “translation,” from one gender to another.

Secondly, these stories “translate” for us, the issues of race and gender in a way that we may not have otherwise thought about.

If we merge all of the cultures and languages together, won’t we eventually end up with something gray and tasteless?

Another noteworthy piece is one by Xu Bing. Bing has created a writing system he has termed “New English Calligraphy.” He has used English letters and arranged them in a way similar to that of Chinese calligraphy, with one complex symbol representing a word. There is even a computer in the gallery with a special program that can transcript anything you write into New English Calligraphy. This unique combination of different languages may startle the audience and challenge them to

courtesy Minnesota Center for Book Arts

think outside of a predescribed way.

One installation with a practical purpose is Nat Bletter’s “Talking Books: A New Method of Returning Ethnobiological Research to the Non-literate.” These photo albums play short audio clips when a small button next to a picture is pressed. These books are meant to educate illiterate people in remote countries about the usefulness of various plants. The books are water-resistant and solar-chargeable; they are able to translate something written into a modern version of oral tradition.

Some may question how this exhibit fits into the larger idea of globalization. Indeed, the description of the exhibit references positive effect of globalization, but what about its negative effects? If we merge all of the cultures and languages together, won’t we eventually end up with something gray and tasteless? Rathermel disputes this idea. “The key [to maintaining a balance] is not making value judgments and not having one culture take precedence over another,” he explains, “the way to do that is to always honor the tradition you’re coming from.”

The Gleam Glimmers, Shimmers and Shines

by Nick Frantzen The Jameson was working its way through the veins on St. Patrick’s Day, and local rockers The Gleam wouldn’t have it any other way. The trio from Chisago County revved up the drunken crowd at the Uptown Bar with songs like “Fat and Stoned” and “High ’N Mighty.”

Don’t let the wall of distortion from front man Zachary Johns fool you; once bass player Timmy Wreck’s thumping bass lines leave his seventy-dollar amp head you realize, this is country music, country music done right.

“Punch-country,” Wreck says, “It’s revved up, rowdy rock and roll, the kind of stuff you listened to with your dad and you can sing all the words to.” Wreck has a raw, yet melodic approach to his instrument; he plays an old Fender Jazz Bass stripped down to the wood, down to its essence. He stands close to an extra kick drum for added

08/04-11 April 2007

bass and “when you look over and feel like stomping on something.”

Johns plays an old Harmony acoustic, obtained by the band from a garage sale on the way to the cities with the help of a pickup and generous amounts of duct tape. He runs the guitar through a couple distortion pedals, and the sound of The Gleam starts to shimmer. To make it shine, just add in the relentless pounding of drummer Johnny Bon-Bonnie, a 6-foot, 7-incher that makes you feel sorry for his drumheads and the beating they take, and don’t ask him if he ever played basketball.

The band also includes a fourth honorary member, Budweiser in a bottle, because it seems that this royalty among beers makes everything else possible. The driving energy The Gleam plays with isn’t from taking their vita-

mins and saying their prayers.

“Our music is about getting together with friends and drinking beers, which makes sense to me,” Wreck says.

The Gleam isn’t the kind of country music that infests commercial air waves these days. It’s the kind of country mastered by legends like Jerry Jeff Walker, one of The Gleam’s main influences, and it’s mixed with the swagger of rock and rollers that just don’t give a damn.

Maybe to understand The Gleam, you have to understand where they are coming from--Chisago County, Minnesota. This area is about forty miles north of the Twin Cities, boasting towns like Forest Lake, Wyoming and North Branch. These towns are on the edge of urban and rural See “Gleam Glimmers, Shimmers and Shines,” p.18

\ Sound & Vision

Bust Out the Huffy

Bicyclists get the upper hand in tackling Northeast’s art gallery sprawl

By Sage Dahlen When warmer weather starts to peak out through winter’s snowy veil, it’s not uncommon for the number of bicyclists out on the streets to multiply. Even if the weather isn’t reason enough to get out on a bike, gas prices usually are.

Despite all the motivation to take a spin on the old tenspeed, many people have misgivings about biking in the city. Automobiles are not known for their friendliness towards cyclists. And for the fashionably inclined, the bike helmet is not a favorite accessory.

In order to overcome these biking obstacles, members of the Northeast community in Minneapolis have collaborated on a project resulting in The Northeast Arts District Bike Map, a map highlighting the most effective route for biking amongst the plethora of art galleries in the northeast area.

The map was produced by collaboration between Hedberg Maps, Altered Esthetics art gallery and many others. Jamie Schumacher, the curator at Altered Esthetics, recalls when she, along with, friend and former co-worker, Brad Wilson first generated the idea for a map of the arts district a few years ago. Schumacher has also contributed a great deal to coordinating the project and Altered Esthetics is among the map’s many sponsors.

“We’ve been fortunate to have the help of two bike messengers over the past two years to help plan the routes around the district,” said Schumacher.

Hedberg Maps contributed the design for the map adds what Schumacher calls a “very professional face to a more grass-roots community project.”

Though the project has received much assistance from its sponsors, its work to fulfill its goals is far from finished.

“I think quite a bit still needs to be done…but we are well on our way. This area of Minneapolis isn’t thoroughly bike-friendly yet, however there is a lot going on within the city in regards to creating new bike paths, bike routes and supporting the local cyclists,” said Schumacher. Some of the goals for the map include “to encourage the flow of traffic between the galleries and studios in the district, to help promote artists, galleries and studios in the Arts District, and to encourage bicycling as a sustainable mode of transportation in the Twin Cities.”

One part of promoting artists and galleries is participating in many art events. The map’s spring release is intentional—to be available in time for Art-A-Whirl®, as well as various events throughout summer and fall. The map is especially effective for events occurring at multiple galleries, like Art Crawls, as an alternative to driving.

“It seems like such a hassle to drive and park, drive and park, drive and park when you can just hop on your bike and ride from location to location,” said Schumacher.

irene kawalec & mike menas

Since the first version that came out in 2006, the map has undergone quite a few changes; the most obvious being that the new map will be in color. A new website for the map has also been launched, where an e-version of the map can be downloaded, and the hope is to distribute almost 10 times as many printed copies as last year. While the map has generally been a source of excitement, there are also very serious reasons for the creation of such a tool.

“There are a huge number of cyclists in the Twin Cities and a substantial number of artists in the arts district. The simultaneous existence of these two communities has made this project practical.”

According to a report issued by MPR almost 1,000 bikers were injured in crashes during 2005 alone, and last August a University student was killed while riding her bike near campus. With statistics like this in mind, the map keeps safety a major priority.

“Certain freeways and other high-traffic areas with lessthan-desirable pedestrian and cyclist crossings have made mapping routes a little bit complicated, but we’ve done our best to work around these more difficult areas to provide folks with the safest recommendations possible,” Schumacher says.

sean tubridy

The Northeast Arts District Bike Map is a clear example of how an idea can become reality and provide the possibility of improving the quality of life for an entire city.

“There are a huge number of cyclists in the Twin Cities and a substantial number of artists in the arts district.

The simultaneous existence of these two communities has made this project practical,” Schumacher says.

“I think the community is doing a lot to move things in a positive direction and I look forward to watching as things develop over the next few years.”

The Bike Map will be released in late April and will be free of charge.

For more information about the Northeast Arts District Bike Map, Altered Esthetics, or any of participating locations please visit: http://www.

NortheastBikeMap.org.

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Literary/

Trapped Interpretive Prose Dance Prose Prose Prose Send me some Prose

By Ras Tapunk Ram Dass

Students Trapped In dormitorial dreamworld Chanting in pseudo-utopian bliss Rolling stone mantra Praying for chains to rot.

Workers Trapped In industrial nightmare Sweating factorial frustration Alienated confusion Struggling for chains to break.

People Trapped In commoditic consumption Purchasing profusely Self-product Hoping to someday buy chains.

By That Bird Outside of the Window

A. General Gonzales: The fact that the Constitution— again, there’s no express grant of Habeas in the Constitution—

there’s a prohibition against taking it away.

But um, there’s—

it’s never been the case.

I’m not aware of a Supreme— The Arlen Specter: Now wait a minute, wait a minute.

The Constitution says you can[no]t take it away except in the case of invasion or

rebellion.

Does[no]t that mean you have the right

of Habeas Corpus?

A. General Gonzales: I meant by that comment that the Constitution does[no]t say every individual in the United States or every citizen is hereby granted

or assured the right of Habeas— It does[no]t say that.

It simply says

that the right of Habeas Corpus shall not be suspended.

Constitution: Article 1, Section 9:

The Privilege of the Writ

of Habeas Corpus

shall not be suspended,

unless when in Cases

of Rebellion or Invasion

the public Safety may require it.

The Arlen Specter: You may be treading

on your interdiction and violating common sense,

Mr. Attorney General.

300 words or so. jduellman@wakemag.org

Creative Writing Students: Give your portfolios some fresh air and send them to me.

HOW TO submit to the Literary section: Submitting is easy! Send your poems, short stories or suggestions to jduellman@wakemag.org Attach your work using Microsoft Word and also include your piece in the body of the e-mail. Any accompanying illustrations must be sent at 300 DPI. Still have concerns? We are also available to meet in person to workshop your creative work.

Just send an e-mail to set an appointment. We don’t bite... hard.

10/04-11 April 2007

\Literary

Literary Events Who: Tim Rubbert: Techniques for Hiking Safely in Bear Country What: The author discusses When: Wed, Apr 4th, 7:00 pm. FREE Where: REI, 1955 W Cty Rd B2, Roseville; 651.635.0211 Who: Water-Stone Review What: Poetry When: Wed, Apr 4th, 7:30 pm. FREE Where: Ridgedale Area Library, 12601 Ridgedale Dr, Minnetonka; 952.847.8800 Who: Jill Ferguson What: The author discusses ‘Sometimes Art Can’t Save You’ When: Thu, Apr 5th, 2:00 pm. FREE Where: University of Minnesota Bookstore, 300 Washington Ave SE (Coffman Memorial Union), Mpls.; 612.625.6000 Who: Madelon Sprengnether What: The author discusses ‘The Angel of Duluth’ When: Thu, Apr 5th, 7:00 pm. FREE Where: The Loft Literary Center, 1011 Washington Ave S, Ste 200 (Open Book), Mpls.; 612.215.2575 Who: Local Motion: Jude Nutters; Thomas R. Smith What: The authors discuss their writing When: Fri, Apr 6th, 7:00 pm. FREE Where: The Loft Literary Center, 1011 Washington Ave S, Ste 200 (Open Book), Mpls.; 612.215.2575 Who: Mike Farrell What: The MASH star and author discusses ‘Just Call Me Mike: A Journey to Actor and Activist’ When: Fri, Apr 6th, 7:30 pm. FREE Where: Magers & Quinn Booksellers, 3038 Hennepin Ave S, Mpls.; 612.822.4611 Who: Retired journalist Robert J. White What: Great Decisions 2007: Migration When: Mon, Apr 9th, 4:00 pm. FREE Where: Edina Community Library, 5280 Grandview Sq, Edina; 952.847.5425 Who: James Armstrong; Sean Lysaght: Writing the Natural World What: Poetry When: Mon, Apr 9 th, 7:00 pm. FREE Where: Highland Park Branch Library, 19674 Ford Pkwy, St. Paul; 651.824.6347 Who: Coreopsis Poetry Collective What: Featuring local poets Steve Burt; Kathleen Heideman; Bryan Thao Worra.

When: Tue, Apr 10 th, 7:00 pm. Donations accepted Where: Black Dog Coffee and Wine Bar, 308 Prince St. (4th and Broadway in Lowertown), St. Paul; 651.228.9274

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Feature/

The following editorial is an in-depth dissection of a news report originally aired on Channel 5 KSTP nightly news.

While not required, the author feels that the readership would benefit greatly from actually viewing the aforementioned report by visiting http://www.kstp.com/article/stories/S32404.shtml?cat=5 I hate to be a broken record, but sometimes things just line up. Sometimes you see something that makes your brain light up, synapses firing and connections quickly piling up and spilling from the realm of postulation to possibility.

For someone who doesn’t watch television and has loudly sworn off TV news, I find myself writing about it a lot more than I would care to. It just seems that TV news has taken on this Wild West, laissez-faire attitude towards broadcasting stories that are not only completely over the top, but also lazy, offensive and unintentionally comedic.

And as we all know, it’s that kind of trash that circulates the fastest. To wit: an alarmist news report about the “Playstation Pornable” is much more likely to circulate around YouTube and the blogosphere than a piece on housing legislation.

But as the Wu-Tang Clan said, after the laughter comes the tears. Once we’ve snickered at the media’s ridiculous portrayal of issues that we are intimately involved in, we have to consider that this was made by somebody who believes this for somebody who believes this. As far as I’m concerned, that demands reflection rather than ridicule.

One such story was aired on Channel 5 (KSTP) on Feb. 23.

It was brought to my attention in a most inauspicious way by a promo airing around-the-clock in the days preceding the story’s airing. The promo said as follows (transcribed from the intro to the story): “When six Muslim men were pulled from a plane last November, it gained national attention. Passengers called their actions suspicious, but the men say they were targets

12/04-11 April 2007

of discrimination. Tonight, for the first time, the passenger who alerted the flight crew (speaks).”

A little background: The incident they were referring to was one in which six Imams (or Muslim leaders, also known as Sheikhs) were pulled from a plane scheduled to depart from Minneapolis based on an anonymous passenger tip. The Imams were detained and released without charge, but the airline refused to rebook their flights, leaving them stranded.

The promo caught my attention due to its use of the word “men.” If six Priests were detained, would they be called “Christian Men”? How about Rabbis? “Jewish men”? The disrespect inherent in this word choice pointed to an antagonistic slant on the incident. As it would turn out, the KSTP crew was only getting started. They were going to go medieval on these “men,” and I mean that as in the Crusades.

The report itself is so rife with racist rhetoric, fear mongering and flat-out ignorance that it’s hard to pick a starting point for analysis; the beginning of the report will have to do. After the intro, the story begins by describing the Imams as attention seeking, using a clip of Sheikh Omar Shahin (one of the detained) explaining that the airline would not serve them after the incident as “proof”.

Here the report establishes one of its favored leitmotifs: the lack of a counterpoint. They never stop to analyze the incident or question the actions of authorities. They never stop to consider that the Imams were deemed innocent and then refused service. They never even consider that the victims might see this as strange or, Reagan help us, unjust.

Of course there’s no time for reflection when you have an ambush to carry out. Yes, that’s right. An ambush. You see, KSTP went down to Arizona (as the narrator says “I tracked him down at his home in Arizona.”) and ambushed Sheikh Shahin as he was leaving work and asked

him questions like “A lot of people just don’t believe your story … can you tell us what really happened that night?” and “Why don’t people believe that it was an innocent flight home?” Here things get really out of hand for a number of reasons. First of all, the report uses the rhetoric of criminality and guilt in a way that is absolutely disgusting. The reporter asks pointed questions in a “guilty until proven innocent” fashion that assumes that the viewer knows the subject is lying about their innocence. Furthermore, the reporter “tracks down” Shahin as if he is a criminal on the run from Minneapolis justice.

Following this logic, the only reason that the Imam would refuse an interview is that he is a terrorist. The truth is that an Imam in a vibrant city is not just a leader of religious services; he is also a counselor, an intellectual, a decision-maker, an ambassador and a fund-raiser, just to name a few of the myriad roles that Muslim leaders occupy. On top of that, most of them work or own businesses in addition to their religious duties. The fact that Sheikh Shahin wouldn’t take time out of his day to be insulted by the junior-detective antics of the KSTP team speaks less to his guilt and more to the ignorance of the reporters framing the story.

Of course the rhetoric of criminality fails to take this into account. The only thing that matters is that we get a straight story from a crooked man. By using subtle language cues and pointed questions, the narrator never has to say the word “terrorist” (he doesn’t) or even get an answer from the target; Shahin is indicted regardless of what he says or does. His refusal to talk (regardless of the reason) is just as damning as any answer that he has given or will give. Even his bemused response of “you’ll have to ask them,” (in response to “Why don’t people believe that it was an innocent flight home?”) is answered with a cocksure, “I did just that!”

And, in fact, they did.

\ Feature

Oh man, they totally did.

The centerpiece of the story is an interview with the man who tipped off authorities. His face blurred and voice distorted, the passenger proceeds to sling thinly veiled stereotypes and racial epithets. In his own words: “At first glance they look like business people, but then they’re not, they’re acting like they’re angry, like an angry mob.” The police report and the passenger’s note combine to describe a group of angry “Arabic” men having a “heated discussion” about the “U.S.” and “killing Saddam” that involved “mumbling” or “swearing under their breath.” Once again, the problem here is attributed to suspicious activity rather than cultural misunderstanding. With a little help from our aloof friend, common sense, another possibility appears. You see, Arabic is a rather harsh language and Arabs often speak in a way that is often described as more intense or combative than English to the point that many Arabic speakers joke that the most mundane banter can sound like a fight to the untrained ear. Also unlike American culture, Arabs have no taboo against the discussion of politics. Instead of considering this, the report simply “corroborates” the passenger’s views with police reports and the passenger’s statement that other boarders were frightened as well.

Despite the official-sounding padding, the description of the Imams is what’s important here. The “whistle-blower” resorts to common stereotypes of Arabs and minorities in general as an outlet for his fear. He looks not to facts or identifiable incidents, instead focusing on the practices of the observed that seem “strange” to him. The passenger describes the Sheikhs as an angry mob that conspicuously voices its rage over political issues. The beards, turbans and little ACME dynamite sticks are all conveniently drawn in between the lines, because all of that stuff, like reasonable doubt, is secondary to prejudice and intuition.

When scrutinized, the description seems ridiculous as a precedent for legal action. It seems a lot like detaining

a group of politicians for gesticulating wildly and saying things like “stay the course,” or a bunch of Carlson kids for wearing perfectly pressed suits and self-satisfied smiles. Here’s a more helpful analogy: “Six nigger men, talking loudly and communicating in strange hand gestures, wearing inordinately baggy clothes, please help.”

If that seems a bit stronger than the actual description, it’s only because we’re conditioned to process nigger as a word that is even more derogatory and forbidden than fuck and because we know that we’re not supposed to view African Americans as criminal (although the practice is still rampant). Arabs, though, are a completely different ballgame. The incredible ignorance about the history, culture and beliefs of the Arabs and Muslims that is in America today leads to the fear and racism displayed by the anonymous passenger on that fateful flight.

It becomes a much larger issue, though, when a mainstream media outlet decides not just to report on it, but to use every rhetorical tool in their possession to affirm such beliefs and “spread the message” that Arabs and their leaders are to be distrusted. The report climaxes when it actually asks the audience to decide for themselves whether or not the six Imams look like criminals in the photos taken during their detention. One couldn’t ask for a more beautiful summation of the report’s goals and rhetoric than that. In the end, the Channel 5 news team is taking a stand and asking the audience to as well. They are asking you to stand in judgment of six men deemed legally innocent and find them guilty of being different. They want you to condemn your fellow human beings simply because they are not like you and to punish them not with further detention, but rather with banishment from society.

When the last ominous voiceover has faded and the screen is cleared of faux-documentation and clipart Polaroids, I’m only left with one question: why? When we break it

down, the report was made by living, breathing human beings rather than some nebulous “establishment.” What did those people stand to gain from it? What did they hope to accomplish by spreading fear and hatred? Who profits from conditioning the average American to hate and fear those who are different from them? There is no security threat outlined, no warning about safety and no moral presented at the end of the story. The last message is a wryly-ironic observation rather than a call to arms; nowhere is further legal action urged or even suggested.

The reporters leave the purpose of the story completely undefined; the terminus of our half hour of hate completely inconsequential. But like Run DMC, I’m not going out like that.

Social responsibility is a concept that has been all but abandoned, so we need to bring it back. As an active citizenry, we need to challenge lazy, irresponsible journalism and encourage the media to pursue productive ways of thought, presentation and distribution. We must issue a challenge to the racism, hate and bigotry that we see propagated on our airwaves and in our public space.

Through whatever means we have, we must let the gatekeepers of the media and the public know that we will not silently accept the consensus of the “silent majority.” And when I say whatever means, I mean whatever; tell your friends, write some letters, hell, even send a link or paraphrase of this article to KSTP. As long as the message is heard or the statement made, we’ve done our part.

Sometimes you see something that makes your brain light up, synapses firing and connections quickly piling up and spilling from the realm of postulation to possibility. The world of broadcast journalism can seem like an elusive vapor trail snaking towards the heavens, but it’s still a part of our world. It’s still our moving bulletin board and it beckons for our messages to be placed upon it. In time our lives will be reflected in its gaze.

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by Rahima Schwenkbeck

How do you think Sex Ed should be taught in schools?

On Tuesday, Mar. 20, the Bell Museum of Natural History’s Café Scientifique hosted a talk at the Bryant-Lake Bowl Theater focused on the history and evolution of birth control in the United States in honor of the 40th anniversary of the pill. John E. Troyer, who teaches in the Cultural Studies and Comparative Literature department at the U, introduced Elizabeth Jansen and warmed up the audience of approximately 50 people by asking several questions related to the topic of the night. One of the questions was “What common household device was the most widely used contraceptive from 1930-1960? Birthday balloons, cling wrap, Lysol disinfectant, or a sponge?”

The answer, much to the surprise to the audience, was Lysol disinfectant that was marketed during that time as a feminine hygiene product.

The early idea of contraception was that one could rinse away sperm after intercourse, which is why Lysol became so popular. Other early methods of contraception were honey, olive oil, multiple herbs, mud and cow or elephant dung that was used as suppositories in the vagina as a way to kill the sperm, Jansen, the night’s speaker, says.

Jansen started her speech by warning the audience that she is not a licensed health care professional and could not diagnose any problems or promote any type of contraceptive device, but she would talk about the history and future of contraception devices. She then gave a brief history of contraceptives, a little about anatomy and physiology and finally contraception today and in the future.

Around the mid-1800s different types of condoms were created. Lambskin or animal related materials were popular materials used to make condoms, but were rather porous and not an ideal material to make condoms out of, Jansen says. Later on, vulcanized rubber became the primary material used to make condoms and was initially believed to be reusable, Jansen says.

After the early ideas of contraception devices, the invention of the diaphragm allowed women to prevent pregnancies differently. The diaphragm fits over the cervical opening, preventing sperm from entering the uterus.

Another form of birth control around that time was an intrauterine device. IUDs were molded plastic devices that were inserted in the vagina to disrupt the normal uterine environment. This would cause an irritation in the area, preventing implantation from occurring. A certain type of IUD had a shield on it that had a string on the end that exited into the vaginal canal to be able to remove the device. The problem was that the nylon string would wick liquid into the uterus. Since the uterus is all about

growth, any bacteria introduced into the uterus will grow more and more bacteria causing raging bacterial infections, Jansen says. These infections lead to death in some women, but now after changing the string to a type of non-wicking cotton, the IUD is the most common type of contraception in the world used by women today.

None of these contraceptives were a perfect form of birth control, Jansen says. In 1957, the FDA approved the pill for use in women with serious menstrual health problems and then approved general use in 1960. The pill is a combination of estrogen and progestin and is to be taken at the same time of day for three weeks and then not taken for the fourth week to be the most effective. This way it mimics a woman’s natural cycle. The pill has a high level of effectiveness: in the 90 percent range if used in the correct way. Any variances from taking the pill lessens the effectiveness and that is when women can become pregnant even if they are taking the pill, but have forgotten to take it for a few days.

The pill works by disrupting the hormonal level in the woman and prevents implantation of an egg and sperm.

It takes a few weeks for this to take effect, which is why it’s so important to keep up with the pill for three weeks, Jansen says.

Today, levels of estrogen in the pill have been greatly reduced to lessen the side effects. There are now over 40 different combinations of the pill. Some include placebo pills for the week off, or others have different combinations of estrogen and progestin in the pill. There are also new ways to have the hormones delivered to the body.

For the first 40 or so years, the only way to take the pill was by doing so every day. Now, women can have a hormone shot that time releases the hormones over a month or three months at a time. There is also a patch, where a woman wears a patch that is changed weekly and then does not wear one for the fourth week. Another way to deliver the hormones in the pill is by wearing a vaginal ring.

The vaginal ring is a rubber ring that is inserted into the cervix and the hormones are released over a three-week period. The ring is then removed for the fourth week of the cycle.

As science changes, so will advancements in birth control and contraceptives. No one knows what will happen in the future in this area, but it is important to keep up on this topic, Jansen says.

“Be informed, ask questions, read, ask more questions, know your body and stay tuned.” Jansen says.

Sex Ed, like all education, must be evidencebased, and the evidence overwhelmingly says that comprehensive sex ed is many times more effective than abstinence-only ed in preventing disease and teen pregnancy. So, anybody who supports reducing the spread of STIs and unwanted pregnancies ought to insist on comprehensive sex ed in our schools. Call your state legislators!

Andy Buttler Science Education Grad Student

The only way to reduce the amount of unwanted pregnancies and transmission of STDs is to provide complete and factual information about sex and the methods to help prevent these problems.

Abstinence-only education is an irresponsible disregard for what happens in reality.

Jenny Zick Neuroscience and Psychology Freshman

Sex ed should be taught to students at 12 or 13 before it is a stimulating topic for them. All sides’ advantages and disadvantages should be discussed--abstinence, safe sex, abortion/adoption options and education on date rape and sexual assault.

Ryan Schmidt Psychology and Philosophy Sophomore

People learn best by different ways. Some learn best by taking notes, some by visuals, and others by demonstration. Sex ed should be taught no differently.

Nathan Vanderby Computer Engineering Freshman

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Kabbalah: God, Hollywood, and the Pursuit of Happiness BY becky lang I could spend this article discussing every detail of the lecture on how Kabbalah, a mystical sect of Judaism, relates to rationalist thought, but instead I’d like to focus on the simpler theme of the discussion: happiness. More specifically, what it has to do with astrology, incest, Britney Spears and Christian rock.

All of these subjects began connecting in my mind as I sat in a sunny, rosecolored library and munched on a free lemon bar. I was in the Nolte Center library, where the only book spines I could read were about Hebrew verbs, listening to Hava Tirosh-Samuelson, an Israeli scholar of Judaism. It was part of the Institute for Advanced Study series, which brings in a new speaker every Thursday at 4:00 p.m.

I felt slightly out of my territory among the small crowd of people who didn’t blink twice when Tirosh-Samuelson launched into foreign terms and nodded knowingly when she discussed traditional methods of reading the Torah. I didn’t even know if the free snacks were themed for the discussion.

A lapsed Catholic, I was lost on some of the technicalities, but at least I’d done my share of thinking about how religion relates to happiness. In high school psych I’d even done a research project about whether religious people were happier than atheists. (My findings: a slight correlation.)

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Tirosh-Samuelson, however, was an expert on the subject. She had discovered a parallel between the works of Aristotle and the scholarly interpretations of the Torah, in that both claimed that happiness was the result of a virtuous lifestyle.

However, this doesn’t mean that a person can pet kittens, coo at babies, and recycle to be virtuous. Instead, virtue is reached by constant contemplation, shunning the “imaginative” part of our minds that supposedly control us, and instead focusing on the rational capabilities believed to make us resemble God.

Considering her view that happiness is now defined in hedonistic, pleasureseeking terms, Tobias believes it’s the sexuality of the Kabbalah that caught the attention of Hollywood.

Just like Descartes claiming that animals were about as important as wind-up clocks, this struck many people as a stiff, passionless starting point for making it through existence, let alone doing it without the occasional bottle of wine or double serving of lemon bars. In addition, it failed to account for differences in human aptitude. Were both of these parties claiming that people with mental disabilities had no hope of spiritual salvation? Just like Whitman came out with his white beard blow-

ing and Thoreau retreated to the woods, a counter-approach to happiness and virtue was presented in the form of the Zohar, the Kabbalist text.

Influenced by astrology, a numerical system called “Gemetria,” a tinge of tantric sensuality, and even Christianity, the Kabbalah provided an opportunity for emotion to dominate religious practice, rather than philosophy and intellect. According to Tirosh-Samuelson, to be a good Jew, one must have a correct vision of God. The novel vision presented in the Kabbalah was of a pantheistic God, comprising the entire universe, who was an almost erotic union of the masculine and feminine aspects of existence. This God was a source of energy to be “tapped into,” commanding awe from worshippers rather than fear.

Through this awe, followers find happiness in imagination and exploration of ideas.

According to Tirosh-Samuelson, a postmodernist worldview has fragmented society’s conception of happiness, making it impossible to have a universal prescription any longer. Instead, happiness has regressed to being a word that merely describes ephemeral physical states, controlled as much by cocktails, anti-depressants, and caffeine-deprivation as by our own personalities. This is evident in Hollywood’s version of the Kabbalah, which claims that selfishness can breed virtue, but assures us that identifying motives as ultimately selfish is nothing to be ashamed

of. Its holy land is the Kabbalah Centre, which features a “Kabbalah Cafe,” selling “blessed” water, t-shirts with one of the 72 alternative names for God printed on their surface, and the thin red strings seen on the wrists of everyone from Britney Spears to Demi Moore.

Considering her view that happiness is now defined in hedonistic, pleasureseeking terms, Tobias believes it’s the sexuality of the Kabbalah that caught the attention of Hollywood. While Scientology won over Tom Cruise with its aliens and volcanos, the Kabbalah’s creation stories unapologetically speak of not only intimacy between Adam and Eve, but between brothers and sisters.

It could be that in the absence of a rational element in modern religion, the emotional element is prevailing, often being connected to eroticism. From this standpoint, even modern Christianity in America flirts with this idea. Many Christian rock songs are eerily intimate, like a Switchfoot song whose lyrics are, “you’re on fire when he’s near you/ you’re on fire when he speaks.” The difference is that Christianity promotes abstinence and chastity, so the same sexual element is simply sublimated into ultrapassionate worship of God. The irony of the situation is that Aristotle’s prescription for happiness—intense philosophical thought—seemingly led to its own demise. As Ernest Hemingway wrote, “happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”

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Who Will Protect Us from the Winners?

BY jacob duellman Deborah Keenan’s reading at the Weisman Art Museum, an occasion for the release of her newest work, Willow Room, Green Door delivers a large audience. The poetry reading, packed with prospective grad students, the faculty, the public and myself, was in fact a concert. Deborah cites Stephin Merritt often, using his influences in her poetry. Her relationship to music ties with her diction as she reads. Keenan twists the line in both a delicate and precise, if not surgical fashion. Such abilities, coupled with her distinct rhythms propel her poems, giving them a song-like resonance.

Keenan’s sincere and honest approach to her work as well as her reading should be an inspiration to all rising poets and wordsmiths.

The composition of the reading starts first with selections from earlier poems.

This delightful necessity to the reading helps newer readers grasp the history of her language. Keenan puts into context some of her poetic life history by introducing poems from her earlier books such as Happiness, Good Heart, Kingdoms, and others. Her latest book, Willow Room, Green Door composes as one long score that covers 224 pages of thirdperson revelations. Some of these revelations arrive as paintings of the bridges at Nine Mile Creek, while others, the sorrow of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Written in a breath-taking 2 months, Keenan displays the curiosities and sor-

rows of nature and humanity, finishing the book, as planned, on her brother’s birthday. Completing 224 pages in two months is quite a bit of writing—a feat eclipsed by the content. Keenan’s approach to such a feat required splitting her career as a teacher with her career as a writer. This meant writing during the summer season, a time she says she usually spends outdoors—a necessity to give her undivided attention to her poetry as well as her students.

Unable to read the poem in its entirety, Deborah Keenan makes skillful selections that represent the meaning of the piece as a whole. This “connective tissue” sets a powerful tone throughout the reading—whether it is Deborah connecting her earlier works to the new, or the prolific of the new selections to the book as a whole.

The pinnacle of the reading occurs during Keenan’s reading of Research on the Color Red, from her newest book. It is a poem which plays on the relationship and struggle between nature and society. Evoking the torment of being in silent protest, the disinformation which plagues the news, “cotton clogs the gutters” equating the unequivocal of the 1,000’s upon 1,000’s of dead Iraqi and Afghan civilians to the dead soldiers who are fighting a war without direction. Often times stopping to collect herself, Deborah’s reading awakens the emotions of these horrific events.

Keenan’s sincere and honest approach to her work as well as her reading should be an inspiration to all rising poets and wordsmiths. For those who have not yet been introduced to Deborah Keenan’s poetry, use this article as the first step. She is a local writer, continuing an artful tradition that makes the Twin Cities that much more enjoyable to reside in.

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Cuts/ from “The Gleam Glimmers, Shimmers and Shines” p. 08

culture. Having all the corporate chains and brand new condos to look like major suburbs, but still with dozens of trailer parks, meth heads, and farmhouses give it the thick, juicy center of rural Minnesota.

The guys in The Gleam have captured this in their sound, whether they know it or not, excluding the meth of course. Through that thick country shell that melts in your eardrums, not in your mouth, you can hear some influences in modern rock, along the lines of The White Stripes. Their unique vocals aren’t going to win any American Idol competitions, but that’s the last thing Johns and Wreck care about.

The Gleam stands apart from the evergrowing number of local bands, not only with their sound, but also with their brash, bar-band antics on stage. Taking shots of “The Wisk,” swigging Buds, and belching into the microphone shouldn’t surprise you.

“We’re just old friends that play music and don’t give a fuck,” Wreck adds. Like their music, these guys can be in your face, but all in the name of having a good old time and drinking some brews.

The Gleam released their first full-length album “Lookout for Evils” last April, following their first release “The Chisago County E.P.” You can find them in record stores like Cheapo or on iTunes, but if you’re up in The C.C. you can most likely find these guys at the local tavern sipping on a bottle of Bud.

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photos courtesy of The Gleam

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Rahima Schwenkbeck

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By Matt Holland Driving around Los Angeles at 4 in the morning looking for an In-and-Out Burger, we realized that none of us had ever been to Los Angeles, we didn’t have a map, and that the men in the car next to us were not smiling and waving. Going to a national paintball tournament is always an adventure. The combination of young people traveling more or less on their own, the ever-present need to save money and the fact that most paintball players seem to be just a little bit crazy makes for interesting times.

This realization was only reinforced that night as I fell asleep in a hotel room along with 12 other people and all their equipment. One player staked out the closet, using a backpack for a pillow, while a teammate slept underneath the hide-a-bed that was occupied by two more players. At other events I have seen people sleep three to a bed, in the rental car and once, in the bathtub.

I flew to Los Angeles with Gary Reiersen, the owner of Air Assault Paintball field in Maple Plain, Minnesota. With us came the eight players of the Air Assault team, another Minnesota player that would be refereeing the event and one extra player to coach.

We were joined on the plane by the members of the MN Frozen Militia, another local team and Aaron Tholey, who would be playing the event with Team Speed. The members of the Air Assault team ranged in age from 14 to 26, with the majority under 18. It fell to Reiersen and the two oldest players to maintain some semblence of control over the kids.

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\ Athletics Air Assault Paintball was playing Division 3 5-man at the Paintball Sports Promotions Los Angeles Open, held at the Home Depot Center on Mar. 1-4. 130 teams faced off for more than $100,000 in cash. In addition to Air Assault, Minnesota was represented by the Annandale Warbirds and MN Frozen Militia in Division 4, Aaron Tholey and Kaarin Schroepfer on Team Speed and Carl Markowski on Avalanche X in the Open Division. Pat Roberts and Todd Hugo played for the Philadelphia Americans in the National Xball League.

The MN Frozen Militia team was thrown together because Mathew Meillier (a.k.a Frenchy) had never played a national event and is about to be deployed to Iraq.

The Open division and NXL players started on Thursday, with Avalanche X losing to San Diego Aftermath and the Palm Beach Vipers and Team Speed beating Quiet Storm. The Philly Americans beat Las Vegas LTZ in the NXL. The rest of the Minnesota athletes spent the day browsing the vendors and watching the professionals play. The division 3 and 4 teams would not start playing until Saturday. Friday morning both Avalanche X and Speed lost all their games, leaving just one for Saturday. Saturday would prove interesting as Tholey and Schroepfer faced Schroepfer’s boyfriend, Markowski.

For the Los Angeles event, the PSP purchased artificial turf for all of the fields.

The event was held in the parking lots so the turf was meant to cushion the playing surface, but I don’t think things went quite as planned. The turf was not thick enough, and some players were taking hard falls.

As the tournament wore on, paint began to saturate the turf, making it very slippery.

The normal soccer-type cleats that many players had brought were ineffective. After watching player after player end up on their ass, Gary decided a team trip to the local Sports Authority was in order. While at the store, we ran into several members of the Los Angeles Ironmen, the professional team that would later win the event.

They were doing the same thing as the Air Assault players, looking for better cleats.

After a lengthy debate on cleat style and type, most of the Air Assault players ended up buying golf shoes. Imagine these players, all ready to go out and kick some ass on the field, all geared up, with spotless, white and gold golf shoes on. They looked ridiculous but the team didn’t have any significant traction problems.

That evening we discovered that there are no Perkins, Applebee’s, TGI Fridays or any other similar restaurants in southern California. After almost an hour of searching, dealing with half a dozen hungry high schoolers, we found nothing and settled for Marie Callender’s, a foreign and scary place for us Minnesotans.

Saturday morning, as the rest of the Minnesota players began their preliminaries,

Avalanche X smashed Team Speed 8-1.

Both teams ended the prelims with one win, which was not enough for them to advance. Air Assault, the MN Frozen Militia and the Warbirds all had solid showings in the prelims, but Air Assault and MN Frozen Militia missed the cut by less than a game each. The Warbirds took the 7th seat into the quarterfinals, which would be held on Sunday with the semifinals and final rounds.

On Sunday morning all the Minnesota players were there to spectate and cheer for their friends and favorite teams. The Warbirds went 2-3 in the quarterfinals, but lost all three semifinal games, putting them in the losers bracket playing for third and fourth. They won their first finals game but lost the next two, giving them fourth place. Reiersen and the guys from Air Assault spent the day on the sideline coaching the Warbirds.

Sunday evening I loaded up along with Air Assault and the Warbirds in three vans to head for LAX and our flight back to the frozen north. As we packed up, the older players regaled the younger ones with stories of how paintball used to be. In just five or six years the game has changed immensely. Gone are the heavy mechanical triggers, replaced by triggers lighter than a mouseclick. Huge 10-man fields replaced with tiny and brutally fast Xballs. I think some of the younger guys were convinced we were making things up. I was exhaust-

ed and ready to go home, but this being a paintball trip, nothing could be so simple.

An attempt by one van to give a friendly shove to the other ended in a not-so-minor dent when we were just minutes from returning the rentals, and we arrived at the airport to find our flight home delayed by an hour. Some players slept, some played poker and some amused themselves by censoring another player’s dirty magazine with paintball stickers, then placing it back in his bag to disappoint him later. Finally at 2:30 in the morning we all shuffled onto the plane to go home, barefoot in the case of one of the Frozen Militia players who had misplaced his shoes. The next thing I remember is being startled awake as we touched down in Minneapolis, home at last. Over the past four days I spent almost 40 hours on the paintball fields, and I had taken more than 5,000 pictures and had been shot dozens of times by players from all over the world.

Playing a national event is the goal of many Minnesota paintball players. Few will win and fewer will place. This doesn’t stop them from going, because whether they win or not, it is still an experience that most players will never forget. The chance to see the professionals play, to wander the vendors and see the hottest new guns and gear, and the chance to meet more people that love the same game that you do.

Matt Holland

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U-Swing, I Swing, We All Swing to the Music

By Nick Gerhardt Remember when swing dancing was all of sudden hip and trendy due to a commercial? We were all blessed with the music of Cherry Poppin Daddies, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy and Brian Setzer. I know we’ve all moved on from those days, discarding our dancing aspirations like the slap bracelets of our youth.

Although some of those bands bastardized the swing music genre, swing dancing is alive and well, thriving off the original hits. U-Swing is a student group on campus that still is jumpin’, jivin’ and wailin’ away to swing music.

“It’s something different, open to everyone and something you can do for the rest of your life,” said vice president Sammy Hilby.

They say they are the addicts of swing dancing.

U-Swing is open to anyone interested in learning to dance. Partners aren’t necessary and guest teachers often stop by to help the students with different moves.

Only about eight to 10 people actively participate, but in the past the numbers were around 20-30 members.

The group meets in Coffman on Wednesdays, and on Thursdays some members dance at the Tapestry Folk dance center, a place owned and operated by dancers in South Minneapolis.

Because there is not an abundance of venues for swing dancing many people end up seeing each other on a constant basis, which forms a sense of community within the world of swing dancing.

“The Midwest is one of the best bases for swing dancing because it is open to new dancers and very welcoming. After college a lot of people get disconnected, but with swing dancing people may leave for some time, but the community remains the same,” said president Sergey Berg.

Berg became interested in swing dancing through the Concordia Language Village.

He has been dancing ever since and participates in salsa, waltz and Russian folk dance as well.

For Hilby, her interest in swing music started with jazz music. Jazz music was popular in her high school and as she learned more about the music, she began to learn more about the dancing.

Christopher Roberts

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Together they say they are the addicts of swing dancing. Berg recently went on a binge of dancing a couple of weeks ago, dancing 11 out of 14 days from 11 a.m. to 3 a.m. with few breaks.

Swing dancing got its start in the early 20th century behind the music of jazz, blues and other variations of jazz. The dance itself evolved from numerous preexisting forms. African Americans played an integral role in developing the dance.

The Lindy Hop, the most essential part of swing dancing, got its name from the Savoy Ballroom in Harlem. “Shorty George” Snowden was asked by a reporter what kind of dance was being performed on the floor. Snowden glanced around, happened to find a newspaper with the headline “Lindy Hops over the Atlantic” and decided to call the dance the Lindy Hop. Swing dancing stemmed from many influences of style as well. The style came as a conglomeration of European forms of dance such as the waltz, and African Americans integrated more traditional dance moves into swing dancing.

The dance resembles the happenings of America at the time because of the giant wave of immigration creating a melting pot of ideas and traditions. The influx of immigrants caused racial strife, which boiled over in California with the Zoot Suit Riots of 1942. Mexican American youths frequented dance halls and wore oversized suits. A group of navy sailors were allegedly attacked by a group of “Zoot Suits,” and the other sailors retaliated. For four days, the sailors went into East Los Angeles and attacked any “Zoot Suiter.” Many Mexican Americans suffered injuries and police made over 600 arrests of Mexican Americans. The sailors encountered little, if any, punishment for their actions.

The dance creates a sense of community for many people and continues to do so today as U-Swing is preparing for the Hawkeye Swing Festival on April 13-15.

The festival features lessons, competition and a time to reconnect with other college student dancers.

“It’s not so much a competition. It’s more of a congregation of enthusiasts in a relaxed atmosphere,” Berg said.

lil’ mixed nuts

by Jeremy $engly

“I’ll have the ciabatta turkey sandwich with a side of ciabatta crisps and a ciabatta smoothie. Oh and ciabatta ciabatta, ciabatta, ciabatta, ciabatta…”

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