The Wake Issue 2 Fall 2006

Hang 10,000/12

GMO’s/18 PLUS Warcraft / Genocide / Douchebaggery / and more!

The Weekly Student Magazine of the University of Minnesota

6-12 December 2006

Editorial/ Editor-in-Chief Jenny Odegard

Managing Editor Eric Price

Athletics Editor Craig Rentmeester

Campus Editor Sarah Howard

Literary Editor Jacob Duellman

Sound & Vision Editor Kristen Mueller

Voices Editor Nathaniel Olson

Editorial Assistants Alyssa Cogan, Dan Olmschenk, Lyndsey Danberry

Senior Staff Writers Elizabeth Autwes, Rachel Drewelow

PRODUCTION/ Production Manager Jeremy Sengly

Art Director Sam Soule

Photography Editor Ethan Stark

Web Editor Luke Preiner

Copy Editors Kelly Frush, Erin Lavigne, Rachel Levitt, Tammy Quan, Morgon Mae Schultz

Graphic Designers Dave Hagen, Eric Price, Becki Schwartz, Jeremy Sengly, Krista Spinti

BUSINESS/ Advertising Executive Now hiring!

Office Manager Elizabeth Keely Shaller

Advertising Intern Tyler Jones

Public Relations Director Cassie Benson

Distributors Rachel Levitt, Dan Olmschenk, Luke Preiner

Public Relations Interns Marlys Huismann, Alison Traxler, Julie Veternick

THIS ISSUE/ Cover Artist Alex Judkins Illustrators Dave Hagen, Alex Judkins, Jeremy Sengly, Sam Soule

Contributing Writers Elizabeth Aulwes, Carrie Bermel, Carl Carpenter, Lyndsey Danberry, Cole Dennis, Amy Fink, Kelly Gulbrandson, Mary Kettl, Kelly McCarthy, Valerie Tukey, Alice Vislova

Photographers T. Charles Erickson, Matt Holland, Chris Lenzen, Evan Sims

/5:13 Š2006 The Wake Student Magazine. All rights reserved.

Established in 2002, The Wake is a weekly independent magazine produced by and for the students of the University of Minnesota. The Wake is a registered student organization.

The Wake Student Magazine 1313 5th St. SE Minneapolis, MN 55414 (612) 379-5952 • www.wakemag.org The Wake was founded by Chris Ruen and James DeLong.

Dear campus, To those of you complaining about how it hasn’t snowed yet: you obviously don’t have to bike/drive everywhere, so keep on taking the Gopher Way from your dorms to your classes and shut up. Yes, snow’s “pretty,” but so are forest fires.

Hang 10,000/12

Despite near-unanimous scientific findings to the contrary, the recent on-campus Conservative Awareness Week championed ignorance towards climate changes even happening. If they had any sense at all, they’d champion the pleasure it’s bringing Minnesotans like me.

Global warming. Now that’s something I can get behind.

ERic PRICE

Managing Editor

SOUND & VISION/04 PHOTOGRAPHY/09 VOICES/10 CAMPUS/16 LITERARY/20 ATHLETICS/22 BASTARD/23

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t f a r c r a W World of

Some call it the future. Others call it a nightmare.

By Amy Fink

To reach level 60, Cartman says it would take “7 weeks, 5 days, 13 hours and 20 minutes,” allowing three hours a night to sleep.

“What do you say guys?” he asks Stan, Kyle, and Kenny.

“You can just—you can just hang out in the sun all day tossing a ball around, or you can sit at your computer and do something about it!”

Though not for this reason, millions of people across the world sit at their computers for hours at a time to play World of Warcraft, a videogame that has lifted itself out of the computer geek subculture. There’s a non-digital board game, a movie deal with Legendary, and even a pornographic film called Whorecraft based on WoW. But it’s not all fun and games.

A 13-year-old boy recently killed himself after allegedly playing WoW for 36 hours straight, and left a suicide note that said he wanted to be with the heroes of the game.

According to the Xinhua News Agency, a girl died of exhaustion after playing WoW for several days without a break. And after a child died in South Korea because the parents left to play the game at an internet café, the government of the People’s Republic of China began enforcing time limits on the country’s 20 million players.

WoW, the fourth game in the Warcraft series, is a massively multiplayer online role playing game (MMPORG).

Players create and control a character avatar, and through their characters they explore a fantasy world.

University of Minnesota junior Jovan Knudson has been playing since June. It took her about two to three months, four to five hours a day, to reach level 60. She can’t afford to play that long during the school year, but she still manages to get in ten hours on some weekends. “I’ve officially played for 32 days,” she says.

On November 9, 2006, Blizzard Entertainment, which publishes WoW, announced that the game’s subscriber base had reached 7.5 million players worldwide. There were 6 million as of March 2006.

“This is beyond a regular video game because it is so

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evan sims

huge, and there are so many people involved in it. You basically get caught up in this whole other life,” Knudson says.

and singers, according to the New York Times. Competitive gaming is one of the top televised sports, with a roughly five billion dollar annual market, and tournaments are held in stadiums.

“I do think the problem is tied in with other things like family issues, but the games themselves are inherently addictive. That’s ultimately the cause of the problem.”

In addition to the economy surrounding the game, there’s also one within the game. Players earn gold, which is used to buy gear such as magic spells and weapons. In China, there are sweatshops farming gold to sell for real money at astoundingly high prices. Sweatshop players spend all day long playing the game. While they raise hundreds of dollars in gold in one day, they earn themselves only a few U.S. dollars.

Before WoW, also known as “World of Warcrack,” there was Everquest. But “Evercrack” was really just for gamer nerds. WoW is not.

Though gaming is becoming more public in the United States, it is much more so in South Korea. People there go to bangs, or internet gaming cafés, much like bars. PC cafés exist here too, but on a much smaller scale.

There are also professional video gamers in Korea. Their fan clubs have more of a following than those of actors

“Even when you work so hard to reach level 60, once you reach level 60, then you want the gear, and then you want the next gear and the next,” Knudson says.

Level 60 is the highest level possible, but a new expansion pack to be released in January 2007 will allow gamers to reach level 70, and to open previously inaccessible parts of the world. As the game goes on and your level goes up, you need more time and more players to devote to raids or quests, and to engage in quests, you join guilds by invitation. That or you create your own, but you would need to gather about 50 members of all different classes and rac-

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es, according to Knudson. So she’s currently without a guild.

“There’s a sort of favoritism—a weird sort of class issue with the guilds,” Knudson says. “There are these high level guilds where you actually have to go online and apply for them. They give you an interview, and then they discuss it for like a day.”

Players stay in touch with their friends in the game using online forums, wikis, blogs, group voice chats and mailing lists. Many players purchase headsets to talk directly to others during game play.

“If you’re gone for a few days,” Knudson says, “They get mad at you. It’s that real to a lot of people.”

Kenneth M. Woog, Psy. D, says that computer addiction isn’t a health condition recognized by the American Psychiatric Association. There is, therefore, no diagnosis.

According to his survey in 2003-2004, mental health professionals are torn on whether it qualifies as a disorder.

But Woog says there is little difference between drug use, gambling and heavy game playing. Woog, along with other professionals, also believes that anti-depressants and psychotherapy can be used together to treat the addiction.

In an interview on twitchguru.com, Dr. Maressa Orzack, founder and coordinator of Computer Addiction Services at McLean Hospital in Newton, Mass., says that Blizzard structures the game to be addictive. “They design these MMPORGs to keep people in the game,” she says. “I do

think the problem is tied in with other things like family issues, but the games themselves are inherently addictive.

That’s ultimately the cause of the problem.”

“It is always a choice,” Kakal says. “If it stops being a choice, then it’s the start of a problem, and I do honestly believe that you should stop playing.”

Naveed Kakal, from Blaine, has been playing since January 2005. Kakal, who has a full-time job and social life outside of the game, says that video games have been a part of his life forever but, like Knusdon, never do they consume his life.

He estimates that he plays on average three to four hours a day.

Knudson says she knows a 17-year-old WoW friend who has ditched his social life and broke up with his girlfriend for the game. “There’s even a cult of WoW widows or something,” Knudson says. “Basically their lovers have been ‘killed‘ by the game.”

“I have a family who loves me, friends who are always looking out for me, a good job, a nice apartment, I don’t play WoW to ‘escape’ from anything,” Kakal says.

“If you’re that sort of antisocial, atypical person in normal life, then you play this game, and you have magical powers and you may be respected,” Knudson says, “although you could be some major fat ass sitting back at home, 40-years-old, in his dirty whitey-tighties.”

The powerless are mighty. Deadbeats can be successful.

People who aren’t happy with their own lives can be—in a game.

“When you log on,” Knudson says, “they have little tips for you, and there’s a few tips in there that basically go along the lines of ‘WoW is fun, but so is real life.’”

Both Kakal and Knudson say that if it wasn’t WoW it would be something else.

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\ Sound & Vision

Edgardo Mine

By Carl Carpenter Edgardo Mine, the Guthrie Theater’s latest play, is based on the true story of a Jewish boy who was kidnapped from his home, and the ensuing struggle between his family and the Catholic Church. This led me to the assumption that it was going to be a real tearjerker. I’m a fairly open crier, you see. If I was going to have to sit through whole acts of stolen children, unreasonably racist religious establishments and a family struggling in vain, I surely should have flooded the theater with tears. But as the curtain was drawn, my fears were put to rest. Within moments the pope was cracking jokes, and I could tell I was in for an evening that was anything but ordinary. The play was as unconventionally beautiful as the theatre it was being held in.

In my comfy red seat, I let the overwhelming effects of the Guthrie take over. As the pope and his legion of Cardinals and alter boys took the stage, I didn’t just listen to their atmospheric “Amen’s;” I felt the vibrations as their voices in perfect unison resonated off the walls behind me. I couldn’t simply observe the glow of their holy candles; I breathed it in as the room filled with its aroma of warm incense. The McGuire proscenium stage, with its alluring red glow, seemed like the only theater that could have done this performance true justice.

“A Mighty Fortress” Not your father’s Lutherans

By Mary Kettl You grew up with Olsons and Nelsons, but now the newest members of your congregation are just as likely to be named Thao or Xiong. In the photographs of “A Mighty Fortress: Far From Lake Wobegon: 21st Century Lutherans at the Confluence of Religion and Ethnicity,” worshippers from around the world bringing new languages, new music, and in many cases, new life to old churches in the Twin Cities.

The exhibit in the atrium of the Elmer S. Anderson Library, now through December 20, features 46 photographs of immigrant Lutheran congregations and musicians as

The set consisted of high-arching, seamlessly situated cathedral pillars.

The outfits adorning members of the church put the audience into a state of disbelief (in a word, “perfection”). Brian Murray, playing the role of Pope Pius IX, proved himself to be a real ham. Some scenes would call for him to thicken the tension with a quick switch from comedy T. Charles erickson to fury. Believably cruel when scheming under-handedly, he would effortlessly change moods and quickly fill the room with middle to old-aged giggles.

She’s broken hearted. She’s crafty and shrewd. Basically, she’s one hell of an actress.

The play’s most powerful acting, though, came from Jennifer Reganin in her role as Marianna Mortara. She wore so many different shoes, you might have mistaken her for one of those girls on MTV’s “My Super Sweet Sixteen” (who are all, for the record, terrible, terrible people). She starts the play as a young woman, set to get out and expe-

rience the excitement of city living. Not long after, she’s a tired mother, with hands near worked to the bone. She’s an obedient wife, who knows her place in society. She’s a proud Jew, who cherishes her scorned ethnicity. She’s a nervous wreck. She’s strong willed in the face of adversity. She’s broken hearted. She’s crafty and shrewd. Basically, she’s one hell of an actress.

Aside from the sterling cast, several other areas of the production are equally as deserving of praise. The play flowed from scene to scene with the snap of a finger. There was no fading to black, the faint noise of shuffling feet as the scenery is readjusted. From one moment to the next, they’d have you believe an entire journey to Rome was accomplished. But it worked. Oh, did it ever work. The fast pace sequenced perfectly with the hustle and bustle of retrieving their kidnapped son. The themes in this play were surprisingly universal, given the mid-1800s setting.

Racial inequality, sexism, the restlessness of youth, a family at odds, a marriage gone to shambles and the use of religion to justify that which is clearly not. These are things nearly as prominent today as they were some 150 years ago. The dialogue was also a real treat. I got the feeling that one is prone to get after seeing A Clockwork Orange.

With comments such as, “The Empress will treasure your sentiments” and “We receive only the suspicion and insolence inherent to their kind,” it’s enough to make you wish you didn’t say “like” a minimum of three times a sentence.

I always enjoy learning about history I haven’t yet discovered. And when it’s laid out in such a slick and powerful manor, at such a romantic and celebrated venue, it’s quite a ride.

well as examples of hymnals printed in Chinese, Hmong, and Sudanese. At center is a television playing short video clips of singing from various churches of both traditional and contemporary songs in English and other languages.

Photographer Wing Young Huie worked with Allison Adrian, a graduate student in ethnomusicology at the University, to create the exhibit. Adrian’s dissertation uses music as a lens through which to analyze recent changes in the ethnicity of Lutheran parishioners in the Twin Cities.

Lutheran churches in America, both the mainline Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and the smaller, more conservative Lutheran Church of the Missouri Synod, have been traditionally white and increasingly middle class. Minnesota Lutherans in particular came from German and Scandinavian backgrounds, and immigrants established hundreds of churches in the state.

Many congregations are over 100 years old.

chris lenzen

But as traditional membership declines, forcing churches to consolidate or close, some congregations are reaching out to immigrant populations. Between 1990 and 2000 See “Fortress,” p.8

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for its proportion of refugees to residents and second in the number of refugee arrivals.

Several Lutheran churches have opened their doors to immigrant congregations. In some cases the church will share its facilities with a Cambodian, Hmong, Laotian, Latvian, Sudanese or Liberian congregation, offering support and space while the immigrant congregation keeps its own ministers. In other cases, churches are attempting to merge, as in the case of El Milagro, “The Miracle Church,” a combination of a Spanish speaking congregation and 110-year old St. Luke’s Lutheran Church.

“Fortress,” continued from 7.

the foreign born population of Minnesota increased by 130 percent to over 260,000 people, including immigrants from Mexico, Central America, Africa, China and Southeast Asia. Minnesota currently ranks highest in the nation

British Advertising Awards Art and commerce collide

By Alice Vislova The corporate and artistic sectors of society are seldom aligned, yet the Walker Art Center will attempt to reconcile the two this winter by showing the winning advertisements of the British Television Advertising Awards within its hallowed halls. Through all 23 categories of awards, the question remains—can the manipulation of the western world’s consumer tendencies ultimately lead to the creation of something that can be called art? We proceed with a critical eye.

These commercials don’t advertise anything particularly elevated: predictably, the title of the “Best Crafted Commercial of the Year” is snatched by a beer ad, while other honorary titles are shared amongst commercials for equally non-artsy items such as cell phone service providers and cars. Perhaps in this situation, however, the beauty’s not the destination, but in the trip.

So beautiful and honest, in fact, that often the advertised product at the end of these commercials seems completely out of place. It’s as if the huge corporate bastards hired out some sincere little artists, who then

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Such combinations present both joys and challenges musically as people try to sing old favorites and learn new songs in different languages. The videotape points out a stark contrast of styles. A clip from the Oromo Evangeli-

cal Lutheran Church shows the rhythmic dancing and clapping of African worshippers in colorful robes followed by a shot of older, seated Lutherans singing a traditional hymn at Norwegian Memorial Lutheran Church.

The video is not intentionally humorous, but that segment shows the changing look of the church. Particularly sweet is a photograph and video of a tiny choir of five elderly white people and two smiling Hmong teenagers.

A good place to hear this music and see the new faces of the Lutheran Church is the “Christmas of Nations” service, sponsored by AGORA, an ELCA organization working to match Lutheran host churches with immigrant congregations in the metro area. The Christmas of Nations service includes singing, readings, and prayers in several languages, from Spanish to Sudanese, and is a colorful, moving experience, particularly when the African choirs take the stage.

View A Mighty Fortress: Far From Lake Wobegon: 21st Century Lutherans at the Confluence of Religion and Ethnicity” on campus at the Elmer S. Anderson Library, now through December 20. Christmas of Nations will be held Saturday, December 9, at 4 p.m. at Woodlake Lutheran Church, 7525 Oliver Avenue South in Richfield.

created these segments for their pure artistic value, awkwardly sticking the required product placements at the end. That, or those advertising researchers just know how to pull on the heartstrings. Watching these ads from an artistic point of view, one is torn between feeling disgustingly manipulated and being lulled into a happy trance.

Some of these commercials take on topics too cheesy for Sunday morning cartoons to somehow create chill-inspiring material. Take the “Best Video Post Production” winner: this commercial advises us to live our life to the fullest, just like the mayfly, who only has one day to live. This message, which would regularly receive a skeptical glare (on a good day), is in this case delivered with such passion, timing, and careful music selection, that we are left gasping and wide-eyed with wonder…and presumably wanting to sign up with Vodaphone. Who can resist a well-timed, charming British accent? To make something as mundane a cell phone company scrape the surface of our soul—if that isn’t talent, I don’t know what is.

Even the charming British accents can’t seem to liven up the footage of a kid being hit by a car.

Soul-scraping is most definitely not a requirement for these awards. There is a fair share of humorous winners such as the Bacardi commercial that contends that with Bacardi “There is no bad dancing.” On the other side of the spectrum, the winner of the “Best Stunts” award is notable for its stark difference from the life-affirming nature of the rest of the winners. It is a bit of a downer— some sort of public-service warning to teenagers about the dangers of driving recklessly. Even the charming British accents can’t seem to liven up the footage of a kid being hit by a car.

dave hagen

A the end of the day, it may be tempting to dismiss these commercials in a holier-than-thou, anti-consumerist sprit; but hey—most of us will use a cell phone, drink beer and buy a car at some point in our lives, which gives us no right to look down upon people who advertise these products. There is no shame in appreciating the art in the world around us, even if it’s not in a place you’d conventionally look. If nothing else, these commercials are quite entertaining—I daresay more so than our super bowl commercials. Those Brits know their shit. Cheers.

The 2006 British Advertising Awards will be shown at the Walker from now until December 30. Tickets cost $9; walkerart.org.

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Chris Lenzen

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Voices/

WSAC: Women’s White Student Activist Collective BY kelly mccarthy I’m a member of the Women’s Student Activist Collective, WSAC. There are about a dozen of us who are core members. We’re all white. We don’t all define ourselves as feminists, but we find common ground in challenging what society says is acceptable and normal. We have an office on the second floor of Coffman. The student groups on the second floor are called student cultural centers because the idea is that these groups represent the diverse array of students at the U. Because all of the core members of the collective are white, we fail to proportionally represent the population of the University and the population of the country.

Our mission in the women’s collective is to empower women and transpeople by eliminating racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, ableism, and other interrelated forms of inequality. Sure, no problem. We should have something figured out by early next week. We realize we aren’t going to end these isms in our four years here, but we set our goals high. When only the privileged race is represented, how can we work effectively towards eliminating racism? How can we have a broad enough perspective to address issues specific to people of color, more specifically women in these groups, if there is no one who can speak from personal experiences? We could ask these questions in regards to most of our isms but whiteness is easiest to see on our faces.

jeremy sengly

Being in an all white group is problematic because there is no voice of people who are systematically racially oppressed. When trying to tackle issues that affect oppressed groups, it is crucial to get a real perspective. Collective members are disturbed when we hear about police brutalization and immigrant women who can’t get equal health care, all the while knowing that we don’t personally have to worry about this affecting us. Many of the issues the collective tries to address affect people who are marginalized and yet, racially, none of us are marginalized. It is impossible to know if we are taking the right approach when everyone in the group is part of the privileged group and no one deals with something like institutionalized racism.

Having a lack of racial diversity in our group is also problematic because there is no dialogue between white women and women of color. We are not getting closer to a less sexist world if we are not working together to address sexism from all sides. Chicana feminist, Gloria Anzaldúa, wrote in 1984 that women need to stop skirting around the issue of race (racism) and have some face to face conversations about what keeps women from working together. Collective members are ready to talk. We acknowledge our whiteness and understand that it is problematic. We also know that keeping to ourselves will not get us anywhere.

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With the women’s collective, the issue of race poses a unique problem because for many women of color, there is a stronger tendency to identify with race over sex. Another Chicana feminist, Marta Cortera, outright states “What is stronger, racism or sexism? I believe racism.” If a woman is going to dedicate her free time and energy to a student group, she would want to spend it with a group where she feels the strongest need.

When only the privileged race is represented, how can we work effectively towards eliminating racism?

There has also been a history of racism within the feminist movement. The suffragist movement was originally based on the idea that if black men get to vote certainly white women deserve the vote. Many women of color hesitate to join a group of white feminists because the issues white feminists are taking up don’t align with what women of color are fighting for. White women have a lot of privilege to begin with, being the daughters and sisters of the white men in power, so there is not the same necessity to fight for rights institutions have deemed must only be given to those of us who are lily white. Our privilege allows us to ignore issues like housing discrimination and equal access to higher education and other areas that women of color still struggle with because racially, they are discriminated against.

We are not the only all white student group at the University. Many of the non-ethnically or non-racially defined groups tend to be white because white people don’t need to organize around their race. Without our skin color to worry about, white kids can choose which issue is most interesting or relevant to them whether it’s the environment, politics, or what-have-you.

It’s hard to know where a white person’s place is when working outside their racial community, but creating dialogue and awareness, recognizing privilege and our limitations in understanding others’ situation is significant progress. Being white means you’re in a position of privilege, and given a choice whether to care about and act upon the injustices that surround us. With that said, just having this privilege gives a person opportunities and power to make change that many other people are not given. It’s a responsibility to act. And sometimes the change that comes from within the system has real power.

In the words of Marta Cortera, “If you’re screwed, we’re screwed, figuratively speaking of course.” So, let’s start talking and working together.

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Minnesota Mean, or, the Social Side of Douchebaggery Everything you always wanted to know about being prick BY cole dennis

I am not a particularly imposing or commanding individual. I stand (if I stretch) 5 feet 8 inches tall, and the only striking features I possess are facial piercings that make my grandmother weep long into the night. I have stubby little legs approximately three-fourths the length of my torso. My voice isn’t particularly enjoyable to listen to, and it is both airy and occasionally nasal. Even disregarding its displeasing tone (vocal teachers know me by reputation), I often mumble and have a slightly sibilant “s” that annoys the crap out of anyone with sensitive ears or a respect of refined speech. These problems aren’t all terrible — in fact, they’re very surmountable. A lot of people are a lot freakier-looking and annoying sounding than I am (or at least that’s what I choose to believe). I do have one thing going for me, however, and it makes me unreasonably personable.

I’m a big jackass.

I know it’s pretty counterintuitive, but there is a tactic, which I have dubbed the “Be a Big Bastard and People Will Like You” technique. It’s remarkably simple. I mock almost anyone I meet, most of the time directly after an introduction. I can call them porky, stupid or obnoxious, in one rare case “a poor decision maker as made evident by your handlebar mustache.” By the time my lip rings have cooled from the hell fire spouting from my face, we’re the closest of friends.

It really doesn’t make sense unless you consider a series of seemingly irrelevant facts. They are as follows: We live in the Midwest. We all suffer from the regional version of Minnesota nice. We actively and maniacally avoid any sort of confrontation. If we do make fun of each other, it’s normally a sign of close friendship. So when I tell you that “your nose is like a two dollar hooker — really truly ugly,” you would almost assume that I have to be kidding. And since I’m kidding around with you, we must be pals. It doesn’t matter that I think you’re more sloven and more stupid than a college student should be allowed to be; in your mind, we’re BFF. You’re making identical friendship bracelets for us by the time I’ve moved on and essentially forgotten about you.

In case you can’t tell, I act as though I’m better than everyone else. This is not true. I’m probably a lot worse than most of you. For instance, I hate children and animals and am that obnoxious guy who tells you that it’s pronounced “vee-emently” not “veh-heemently” and shit like that.

But that doesn’t really matter. I act like I’m better so you have no reason to believe I’m not when I first meet you.

Call me cynical, but when a person meets someone they think is better than they are, they immediately become a sycophant, eager for second-hand unearned superiority.

Occasionally you get people that see through your little ruse and right into your cold, unfeeling black hole that replaced your heart years ago. Even though these types are rare, watch out for them — people might pity you instead of enjoying your company, like Ducky from Sixteen Candles. The poor bastard.

You’re making identical friendship bracelets for us by the time I’ve moved on and essentially forgotten about you.

Finally, insults are funny. Look around. Nice isn’t really selling. Jesus may have made it work for him, but you aren’t Jesus. Even if you were Jesus, the fact that you’re back would mean you came to destroy the Earth. Let’s be honest. That’s pretty dickish.

Now that you’ve been confronted with the evidence, let me levy a warning or two at your nubile, soft skulls. There are some requirements if you’re going to be a queen (or baron, respectively).

REQUIRED TRAIT ONE: You have to be funny. Witty, even. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Oscar Wilde (look it up, moron), but I joke around consistently enough that even though I may have plenty of misses, there are enough hits to be noticed. Essentially, it’s like a batting average, except instead of trying to hit a rapidly approaching baseball you’re trying to smash the crap out of all the little insignificant people around you that you’re desperately trying to get to love you.

REQUIRED TRAIT NUMBER TWO: If you constantly dish out insults, you have to be well-versed in the art of the compliment. Often times, you’ll have to recover from a fumble or show that you’re not the soulless devil imp from the deepest darkest pits of the whirling æther. Not fake compliments, either. You have to be able to be spur of the moment genuinely nice. People don’t take to fake compliments well. In today’s fast-paced sadomasochistic society, you can’t easily fool people with praise; they’re insecure enough to readily accept that they suck but not that they’re neat.

REQUIRED TRAIT NUMBER THREE: You can not embarrass easily. Often times, people try to match you on your own field and taunt you back even though they aren’t anywhere near your level (those who are most confident in their abilities are often the lamest people ever I find). Because they have no tact, you’ll find that instead of funny insults, they will actually just say mean things to you with a smug look on their face like they upped one on you somehow. So when you jokingly say (or truthfully say in a joking tone), “well, it’s not like your swimming in talent, you’re more uncomfortably moist—like those heavy sweats you break into so often,” they might reply with “you got a C in pre college algebra.” Do not be goaded. Remember, people are morons and won’t understand the difference between your word crafting and their clumsy guttural moaning and think that you just can’t take what you dish out.

So go forth, my newfound army of bastards. Use your powers of hilarious cruelty to build yourself up while tearing others down in a fashion that leaves them not thinking that you’ve torn them down but actually that you’re their new BFF. Don’t think of it as tricking the multitudes of simpletons into wanting — yearning even — your attention. Think of it as … I can’t finish this sentence. That’s essentially what you’re doing. At least, if you do it right.

Let’s face it. You probably can’t.

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By Valerie Tukey The surfing culture of the Western states is slowly creeping into the Midwest. But there is one main difference. In states like Minnesota, surfers have 10,000 lakes to choose from.

The northwest winds are perfect, the waves are glassy and as 42-year-old surfer Bob Tema looks out onto the smooth blue water, he couldn’t be happier. As he pulls his black wetsuit over his thin body, he can’t seem to wipe the smile off of his face.

For most surfers, nothing is better than a day at the beach. After he rubs a quick coat of wax over the top of his board, a gust of freezing wind stings his face and reminds him that he isn’t in Hawaii anymore. It definitely isn’t summer time.

Instead, it is the dead of winter in one of America’s coldest states. With the snow crunching beneath his feet, he quickly dives into the icy water. Instead of his eyes burning from salt like they did so many times in the ocean, the water is nearly drinkable. Why? Because Tema gets his surfing fix by catching a few wind-produced waves on Lake Superior, the largest freshwater lake in the world.

While he is floating in the water waiting for the next set of waves to come through, the ice chunks slowly bob up and down

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next to him. It may be far from perfect, but for Tema, his love of surfing has driven him to the Great Lakes.

Since he spent the first 20 years of his life on the north shores of Oahu, Tema has been surrounded by surfing and beach culture since he was born. “All my brother and I would do is surf,” says Tema. “It was my life.”

It is the “stoke,” or the feeling of the surfboard shooting down a wave, that brings surfers like Tema back each time. They all have a certain kind of passion for lake surfing, maybe even an obsession. After they feel the rush of gliding down a wave, after they feel the unity of their body with the ocean, they become hooked for life.

Tema is one out of a handful of Minneapolis surfing die-hards, and the need to catch a few waves consumes them. The stoke of surfing is embedded deep within them and a day doesn’t go by where they don’t want to head out to the waves. Tema lives and breathes lake surfing. For him, it is just a way of life.

During the fall and winter months, when northwest winds reach 20 mph and low pressure systems begin to creep in, the waves on the Great Lakes grow big enough to surf. In the film “Unsalted,” a documentary on Great Lakes surfing, Vince Deur helps to explain exactly how waves form

on the seemingly flat lakes. During early September, warm waters in the Great Lakes can get up to 70 degrees. But, with fall approaching, the cold air from Canada comes down very fast and digs into the warm water in the lakes. In other words, the cold air hits the warm water like a boulder, creating big waves. But, during the colder months, when the water reaches lows of 30 degrees, the waves are produced solely by strong winds and storms. Even though the surf is better during the fall months, true addicts surf all year long.

And, a few times a month when the weather conditions are right, Tema re-lives his childhood by surfing on Lake Superior.

“I actually like the cold water,” Tema says with a laugh. “I think that it is all part of the adventure of surfing on a lake.”

In popular surf desinations like California, with water temperatures between 60 and 70 degrees - about 40 degrees warmer than the water in Lake Superior during the winter months - a wetsuit usually isn’t needed. The only time wetsuits come in handy is during December, the only month that can really be called “winter”, when water temperatures reach the mid 50’s.

But in Minnesota, a few different precautions are taken in order to keep warm during their surf sessions. It’s necessary to put on 6 millimeter wetsuits with hoods, booties and gloves to keep the water from

freezing their skin. To top it off, they apply a thick coat of Vaseline on their faces to protect their exposed skin from frostbite. “Sometimes we can only stay in the water for about 30 minutes before we get some ice build up on our wet suits,” says Tema. “But my love for surfing always seems to overcome the extreme weather conditions.”

The majority of society probably thinks that surfers are “beach bums” with shaggy hair and baggy clothes. But at first glance, Tema doesn’t fit the typical lazy surfer image. His parted brown hair and clearly spoken words make him seem professional, and that is because he is. With dreams of a career in graphic design, Tema moved to Minnesota in 1988 to attend the Minneapolis Institute for Graphic Design. Now, he is the Creative Director for “Whoop Design,” a graphic design company. His job fits his personality perfectly because his work is portable. When the surf is up, Tema can pick up his computer and drive to the beach. “Sometimes I surf for a few hours and then work for a few hours,” says Tema.

Although Tema has been involved in graphic design since he moved to Minnesota, it took a little longer for him to discover the sport of lake surfing. After countless trips to California and Hawaii grew tiring,

photos courtesy of Lake Superior surf club

Tema started doing some research online. “I heard of lake surfing before,” says Tema. “So I looked up a few people online and got in contact with them.” It wasn’t until 1998 that he caught his first wave on Lake Superior. But even now, lake surfing is a new sport to the majority of Minnesota residents.

Most Midwesterners may not even realize that surfing on the Great Lakes is possible.

But people have been surfing on them for nearly 40 years. Thomas E. Blake, born in Wisconsin in 1902, was considered to be one of the grandfathers of surfing and has a lifetime of “firsts.” Before Blake, Hawaiians surfed on 100 pound wood planks without a fin. As seen in Bruce Brown’s classic film titled “The Endless Summer,” the Hawaiian’s put their feet at the end of their long surfboards to help them steer down the waves. Blake saw the inefficiency in this way of surfing. According to a biography written about him, he was the first to create the keel, or fin, which was placed on the bottom of the surfboard to help it glide down the wave. Additionally, he was the first to create the “hollow board,” a board made out of plywood that was much faster and lighter. After years spent in Hawaii and California, where he basically reinvented the surfboard, he returned to Wisconsin and started to surf the waves on the lakes.

“We just thought he was some goofy beach bum,” says Tony Woiak, a man who remembers seeing Blake on the shores of Lake Superior. “I was only a kid when Tom was surfing the lakes,” says Woiak.

He was only 10-years-old, in the mid 1960s, when he remembers seeing Blake on the beaches. “We didn’t even know his name,” he says. “We just called him surfer Joe.” Woiak, now 51 and President of the Washburn Historical Society in Wisconsin, says that Tom was the original beach bum and had shaggy blonde hair and a tan all year long. “He would just camp out in his white van all day,” recalls Woiak. “He was the first guy to surf on the lakes. No one even thought you could do that.” In 1994 Blake died and was buried in Washburn, but his grave site does not go unnoticed. Woiak makes frequent visits to lay shells and sand across his tombstone. “We are actually working on creating a statue of Tom that overlooks Lake Superior,” says Woiak.

“We want him to be remembered.”

and Grill,” a breakfast joint that borders Lake Calhoun in Minneapolis. They weren’t there to talk about business or to have a mid-morning brunch. They gathered to talk about lake surfing. They came in casual attire. Mostly jeans and sandals with a few sporting T-shirts with “Lake Superior Surf Club” written in bold letters across the back. They all sat around a small table tucked away in the corner of the restaurant where their stories of lake surfing filled the air. Some were in their mid 20s and some were reaching 50-yearsold. But, no matter the age, after a few handshakes were exchanged, the surf talk began. Surfers have a way about them. As an outsider, you may think that the eight guys who Tema called up for breakfast that morning knew each other for years.

When in reality, some were meeting for the first time. No matter where they are, a laidback atmosphere seems to follow.

“I remember when I took Bob lake surfing for the first time,” yells lake surfer Rob Rosell from across the table. “I was so nervous because he was this big-time Hawaiian surfer and I was just some guy who learned to surf in Texas and thought it was fun.” Rosell grew up in Columbia Heights, Minn., but spent time in Texas where he learned to surf on the Gulf of Mexico. “I thought I knew how to predict the surfing conditions well so I told him that the surf would be pretty big,” says Rob. “When we got to the beach, the waves were only about knee high. I felt so embarrassed.”

“When I first started lake surfing, it was just me and a few of my friends out on the water,” says Tema. “But now, I feel like every time I go surfing I see a new face.” And for Tema, the more new people, the better.

“We welcome anyone who wants to try it,” says Tema. “We definitely want to spread the word.” And through a few phone calls, Tema has done just that.

Thanks to newspapers and magazines, more people who live near the Great Lakes are buying surfboards online and trying it out. Luke Kavajecz, a 22-year-old journalism student at the University of Minnesota Duluth, said that he read about lake surfing in a local paper. Since he grew up on the shores of Lake Superior, he has always had a love for its waters. But it wasn’t until

On a Saturday morning in mid April, eight guys gathered at “The New Calhoun Bar

See “Story,” p.14

Although Blake brought the Western culture of surfing to the heartland of America, it has taken decades for the pastime to become popular. But, since Tema took up lake surfing, he says that the popularity of the sport has grown tremendously.

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Feature/ While he is floating in the water waiting for the next set of waves to come through, the ice chunks slowly bob up and down next to him.

“Story,” continued from 13

2001 that Kavajecz thought he’d give lake surfing a try. “I got a board from a shaper in Cali and got a wetsuit online and I was set,” says Kavajecz. Now, five years later, he says that there is no other place that he’d rather surf. It is hard to imagine that someone would truly prefer surfing on the cold waters of Lake Superior rather than the ocean. But lake surfing has its perks.

In California, it is almost impossible to surf with less than 20 people in the water next to you. Since the good surf spots are so crowded, it creates a hierarchy among the waves. If someone is a good surfer, then they are at the top of the bunch and can catch most of the waves. But the beginners better stay out of the way because on a crowded day, the waves belong to the locals. But on the lakes, it’s easy to get a wave to wave to yourself. “The culture, the people and the water is perfect,” says Kavajecz. “No pollution, no localism, no crowds, and when the waves get good on the North Shore, there is no place I’d rather be.”

“In California, the surf is usually generated from storms that are located hundreds of miles off the coast,” says Tema. “But here in Minnesota, the big surf comes from storms hovering directly over the lakes.”

So, for the surfers that crave big waves to ride, they have to fight their way through choppy and stormy waters. In addition, surfers have to wait weeks and sometimes months before the right wind conditions

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will generate waves. “Sometimes we have to wait a while, but it is always worth it,” says Tema.

Despite the challenges of lake surfing, there is still a passionate group that is creating a surf culture unique to the Midwest. Lake surfing Web sites litter the Internet and many lake surfing clubs have been created as a result of surfers wanting a community to connect with, such as the Lake Superior Surf Club and the Great Lakes Surfing Association. And Great Lake surf shops are beginning to surface.

Ryan Gerard, founder and owner of the Third Coast Surf Shop in New Buffalo, Michigan, said that he conceived the idea of a Great Lakes surf shop after a few years of surfing on Lake Michigan. “I learned how to surf on the lakes in 1998,” says Gerard.

“Eventually, I moved to California to surf every day, teach lessons and work in the Pearson Arrow Surfboard Factory making boards.” It wasn’t until January 2005 after he returned to Michigan that he decided to make a surf shop specifically for lake surfers. “We are currently the only shop in the Lakes region dedicated exclusively to Great Lakes surfing,” says Gerard. “The culture in the lakes is still small, but growing exponentially. We are excited about the future.”

When most Minnesotans would rather stay inside by a warm fireplace, if there is surf on Lake Superior, inside is the last place Tema will be. For him, surfing on Lake Superior is just like another day at the beach.

BUSINESS MANAGER

Campus/

Someone Is Watching Out for Our Neighborhoods Wendy Sarkissian gave community members advice on keeping our neighborhoods safe BY lyndsey danberry The Center for Neighborhoods is an organization formed in 1994 in an effort to strengthen neighborhoods. It promotes innovation, equity and sustainability at the neighborhood and community level.

The Center asked the Metropolitan Design Center to assist in coordinating a workshop that will encourage community to take an active role in making cities more livable.

The Metropolitan Design Center is an endowed center that investigates how design can be used to make metropolitan landscapes more livable, workable and sustainable by examining urban design across metropolitan areas through projects, research and education. The Design Center was privileged to have Wendy Sarkissian speak at the U of M on November 8 at Burton Hall. Sarkissian spoke for community members and students, highlighting case studies on design strategies that can make our communities safer and more sustainable. “She is committed to finding spirited ways to nurture, support and engage citizenry,” Gretchen Nichols, executive director for the Center for the Neighborhoods, says.

Sarkissian offered case studies on crime prevention through environmental design (CPTED) strategies in Australia and shared creative solutions for safer commu-

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nities. According to Marcus Felson, author of Crime and Everyday Life and professor of criminal justice at Rutgers University, CPTED is a set of sociophysical techniques for reducing harm and fear of crime without negative consequences. Basically, it’s using your surroundings in an effort to create safer communities, homes and workplaces.

According to Sarkissian there are a few CPTED basics that everyone should know.

Territoriality Access control Surveillance Building and Landscape design Legitimate activities

Sarkissian also spoke about situational crime prevention. Considering why someone might be a target and minimizing the excuses for someone to commit the crime.

A broken window and a run-down dwelling are often easy targets for criminals.

Walking alone down a dark alley or standing at the bus stop with your hands full of shopping bags also makes you an easy target. Dwellings that are well lit, well landscaped and well kept are often intimidating to a criminal, which might cause him/her to second guess their decision to make you their victim. Sarkissian also pointed out that young people are the most vulnerable.

Don’t leave your new laptop sitting in the window.

Management and Maintenance Socio-cultural context Sarkissian’s work as a social planning consultant has paved a path for innovative planning and development approaches.

Her suggestions are simple: a fence or a tree hedge that separates private property from public property, buildings without balconies on the lower levels and a clear view to your car or child’s playground from the kitchen window. Don’t leave your new laptop sitting in the window, visible to people passing on the street. She also suggested that landscaping and maintenance are also a signs of a crime conscious neighborhood. Put signs up indicating that you have a security system or a neighborhood watch program. Let a possible criminal know that certain behavior is not tolerated in your community. She also recommends trying to be in a populated and well-lit area like a crowded street or market place.

Sarkissian holds a Masters of Arts in literature, a Masters of Town Planning and a PhD in environmental ethics and has earned forty professional awards. Sarkissian is a member of the International Board of Global Urban Development and is now an award winning author of several books dealing with safe housing and community involvement. Sarkissan offered some helpful lessons that she has learned throughout the years, such as; think like a criminal, and know that they are very intelligent; lighting can make a big difference; and maintenance and management are important for public spaces.

“The police cannot prevent crime by themselves; they depend on the community members for support. A safe place happens by creating a sense of community and neighborhood ownership,” Sarkissian says.

\ Campus

Genocide Intervention Needs Your Help Mark Hanis needs people to help him to stop the numerous deaths in Darfur BY carrie bermel “It’s easier to do nothing than do something,” says Mark Hanis, co-creator of Genocide Intervention Network.

A grandson of four holocaust survivors, Hanis has reason and motivation to help out those in Darfur and Sudan, to help them find solace and hope during their time of possible genocide.

A college student at the time, Hanis heard about Darfur in Oct. 2004. He was shocked that genocide was happening in the 21st century even after the 10-year anniversary of the Rwanda Genocide. Hannis and his classmate decided to skip class, venture to the library and Google Darfur to learn about what was happening. “Most Americans don’t know what’s going on in Darfur because of ignorance,” Hannis says.

Two Darfurian rebel groups launched an uprising against the Sudanese government in Khartoum because they were frustrated by poverty and neglect. The government responded to the innocent Darfurian civilians with their sponsored militia, the Janjaweed. The Janjaweed used rape, displacement, organized starvation, threats against aid workers and mass murder to kill or displace civilians. Since Feb. 2003, 450,000 people have died and 2.5 million have been displaced from their homes.

Each day, 500 people die, and after the rainy season ends, 1,000 people are expected to die according to Hanis.

Almost 200,000 Darfurians have crossed over to the neighboring country of Chad to

live in the desert. There they have created makeshift homes out of materials either given to them from aid or their own creations. The camps created are sponsored by the United Nations.

“We really need to get political,” Hanis says. “Congress calls it genocide and three and a half years later nothing; still it’s not enough.”

Hanis and his friends moved to Washington, D.C. and created the Genocide Intervention Network with the mission to power American citizens and community with the tools to prevent genocide. The three critical tools they focus on are to educate, advocate and donate.

Based on their skills, Hanis and his associates contacted people via facebook.com, myspace.com and e-mail to create awareness and clubs. Genocide Intervention Network is powered through students and their dedication to raise awareness. Currently there are more than 600 StandUp Chapters around the U.S. The closest and largest StandUp Chapter in Minnesota is at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul.

“Congress calls it genocide and three and a half years later nothing; still it’s not enough,” says Hanis.

Raising money to help fund the cause is also important. Cornell University raised almost $5,000, and three high school students raised $3,000. Two Harvard University students investigated companies that were indirectly supporting the genocide.

They threatened the university not to give their senior gift unless the company pulled out. The Harvard students saved $4.4 million dollars from petrol China with indirect support of genocide in Darfur.

Genocide Intervention Network created a report card system for government officials. “A big incentive for students is to get good grades because our parents pay our tuition and our professors want us to do well,” Hanis says. “So we used the same technique that motivates us and so we came out with report cards for Congress with grades A through F.” A website was created where all the score cards are posted so the public can see how well a member of congress does. “The members should have nothing less than an A+ in terms of helping to stop genocide,” Hanis says.

“We had members from congress personally call our office saying, ‘I’m getting slammed from my constituents,’” Hanis says. Members of congress were concerned about what they could do to help change their letter grade to stop constituents from calling or emailing. Of those who had bad letter grades, they changed their views to help Darfur.

Though the chapters help to educate Americans, advocacy is needed to take action and advance the process of ending genocide in Darfur. Genocide Intervention Network figured out that strategic planning was needed. Sen. Richard Lucor of Indiana sets the entire agenda for the whole U.S. Senate on foreign relations.

Hanis and associates went to him and asked him why the Darfur Peace and Accountability Act wasn’t being put onto the agenda or being voted on.

“He said two reasons, ‘I do not hear from anything from my constituents and two it’s just not a priority for us,’” Hanis says, quoting the senator.

Hanis and his associates went back to rallying up students at different schools in Indiana to apply the pressure to the senator by saying, “I’m from Indiana. I know what’s happening in Darfur and I want

you to put this bill on the agenda.”

Other students were rallied up from George Washington University and Georgetown University, who went to opensecrets.org, which lists everyone who has made a campaign contribution. The students looked up Sen. Lucor and coldcalled citizens who made a contribution for his campaign. Those students informed these people of their contribution and what Darfur is and how Lucor had a key role on this issue.

“After two weeks of donors calling, all spearheaded by students, Sen. Lucor put the bill on the agenda,” Hanis says. “The U.S. Senate passed the Darfur Peace and Accountability Act.” The Darfur Peace and Accountability Act restates the U.S. government’s position that the Darfur conflict constitutes genocide. It asks the government to help the African Union peacekeeping and give force for stronger mandate with more generous logistical support. It also says that the U.S. government assists the International Criminal Court to bring justice to those guilty of war crimes in Darfur. The bill was passed by the House and Senate then signed into law by President Bush on Oct. 13, 2006.

Even though the bill was passed to help end the genocide in Darfur, help is still needed. Almost three years after the beginning, people are still unaware of the suffering in Darfur. Hanis came to the University of Minnesota campus in hopes of students interested in creating a StandUp Chapter to help end yet again another genocide.

For more information, go to www.genocideintervention.net or e-mail Hanis at markhanis@genocideintervention.net. The Center of Holocaust and Genocide is also willing to help out any students interested in being a part of a solution.

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Campus/

dave hagen

GMO’s; Friend or Foe? Do the benefits of genetically-modified organisms in the public food supply outweigh the risks?

BY elizabeth aulwes Does the thought of eating an apple that contains organisms that have been genetically-modified make your stomach turn over? How about frozen pizza, corn or a peanut butter sandwich? Well, chances are most of the food you eat has been tainted.

More than 70 percent of processed foods sold in grocery stores contain ingredients that have been genetically modified, Dr. Jennifer Kuzma, associate director of the Center for Science, Technology, and Public Policy, says. But only 24 percent of Americans think they’ve eaten genetically-modified foods, according to a 2003 Pew Initiative survey.

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Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to discover what foods have and have not been modified. “Genetically-engineered foods are not labeled on a mandatory basis right now,” Kuzma explained at Café Scientifique, a science-based discussion on varying topics held at Varsity Theater once a month.

1998, Arpad Pusztai, a Scottish scientist announced that rats he had fed genetically engineered potatoes had stunted growth, developed lesions and faulty immune systems. Critics claimed that his experimental practices were to blame and not the modified potatoes, but many other renowned scientists banded with Pusztai

Food is genetically-modified so that it’s more resistant to insects, healthier (enriched with certain vitamins), less-allergenic or lasts longer (less susceptible to rotting). Kuzma also says there’s “more ability to control weeds,” which makes farming practices easier, and engineered crops are more tolerant to drought and fluctuating temperatures.

Chances are most of the food you eat has been tainted. More than 70 percent of processed foods sold in grocery stores contain ingredients that have been genetically modified.

Many scientists think genetically-modified foods pose little risk to humans. Kuzma says she knowingly eats them and doesn’t have a problem with it. But there is still some concern in the scientific community that the full effects of genetically-modified foods are unknown.

There have been several genetic engineering experiments that have gone awry. In

to support his research. Kuzma admitted that she thought his previous work proved his competency and said there was no way to know if the rats’ problems were caused by the potatoes.

The insect-resistant herbicide Bt has proven toxic to the milkweed-eating larvae of monarch butterflies, harming a number

of the populations. Kuzma, however, says that there’s “no reason to think the Bt protein would be harmful to human health.”

There’s also some cultural and religious opposition to genetic modification. Some feel that it’s unnatural or that it violates long-standing traditions, Kuzma explains.

“Native Americans are very much against the genetic modification of wild rice,” she says. Some tribes feel a close connection with wild rice and believe the plant should be respected.

There are some ways to get around eating genetically-modified foods, Kuzma points out. The Organic Standards Act permits less than 1 percent of food labeled organic by the USDA to be genetically-modified.

Nonetheless, the FDA has no problem approving genetically-modified food it feels is safe, even though the European Union and many other countries heavily regulate modified food. Kuzma says “science can tell you what the quantitative risk is, but it can’t tell you what’s safe.” The jury is still out, so if you’re concerned, eat organic.

\ Campus

Happy Happy Headline Poverty and hunger is a major problem around the globe that affects over 1 million people BY kelly gulbrandson Students were a broader worldview Friday November 17 by participating in a hunger banquet in St. Paul. The Christian Student Fellowship, a Christian student group on campus, hosted the event to promote awareness of hunger, poverty and the unequal distribution of the world’s resources.

ethan stark

such as Feed My Starving Children are working to help people who aren’t getting their share of food.

education and healthcare varies greatly depending on the person and has difficulties obtaining good credit.

After the speech, Lehmer discussed a scenario that allowed six low-income members to become a part of the middleincome group, and six of the middle-income group were moved to the low-income group. She also had a scenario where a person in the high-income group got a bonus at his job that affected a woman in the low-income group and could not afford to eat for a day. The students were then told how dinner was going to be served.

The low-income group was served last, seated on the floor. They were given pots of plain white rice and had to get cups of water from a metal bucket and the women had to eat after the men. They were the majority of the group with 20 people and are field workers for less than minimal pay. For this group, school and food are a luxury and these people are either homeless or live in a flimsy shack that could easily be destroyed by a strong wind.

The high-income group was seated at a table decorated with a tablecloth, candles and flowers. They were served first with spaghetti, garlic bread, salad, dessert and

“A major misconception that people have is they believe people are hungry and poor because they are lazy and they make the choice to be poor. The truth is they do not have a choice for a number of factors,” Lehmer says.

CSF provided a unique twist to deliver their message. The 49 participants were given a ticket when they checked in that had a profile of a person and divided them into three groups: the high income, middle income and low income populations. The students were not informed as to which group they would be a part of before they got their ticket.

There is enough food in the world to feed every man, woman and child, but the food and resources are not equally distributed to everyone.

Rebecca Lehmer, CSF’s adviser, spoke about the problems of poverty and what their group is doing to help fight the problem. Every 2.9 seconds, a child dies from hunger, Lehmer says. There is enough food in the world to feed every man, woman and child, but the food and resources are not equally distributed to everyone, she says.

their choice of drink for dinner. With only eight people in this group, they consume 70 percent of the world’s food. They also have the best access to healthcare, education and credit card offers, Lehmer says.

Although hunger and poverty have decreased in the past 20 years, Lehmer says, it continues to be a global problem and cited examples in Darfur and other countries. Lehmer then discussed how charities

The middle-income group was seated in folding chairs and was told to get in line at a buffet table. Their dinner consisted of water and a flavored rice and bean dish that was provided by Feed My Starving Children. There were 12 people in this group who live paycheck to paycheck and are usually day laborers who are chasing the American dream. For them, access to

After dinner, there was an open discussion where all the participants were able to comment on what they just witnessed.

A few noticed that they were unaware of how unequal the distribution of resources was among people. The low-income group realized that while they could go out afterwards and buy dinner, people who are realistically in the group cannot do that.

They have to eat what is available.

“I don’t like drinking colored water,” a participant from the low-income group shouted referring to the condition of the water in the metal bucket, which was dyed with food color to prove a point about the condition of water in most starving countries.

After the open discussion, Brian Molohon, Area Development Director for Feed My Starving Children, spoke to the group.

He discussed what he does for the charity

and talked about his recent trip to Haiti, a country he described as the worst place for poverty. The average life expectancy among Haitians is 53 years, Molohon says.

The living conditions in this country at best involve poorly made duplexes that are eight feet wide and 10-to-12 feet deep that can hold up to 12 people. For the majority of the island though, people are homeless or live in small mud and grass huts. He then showed a picture of two children who were mostly naked and one child had orange in his hair, a sign of severe malnutrition because the protein found in hair was being stripped away by the body in a way to get protein, Molohon says.

Things are getting better in Haiti because of the efforts of Feed My Starving Children and other charities. The rice that was served for dinner had chicken seasoning, soy protein and dehydrated vegetables to help nourish and protect those in need, he says. Each bag of rice that is sent to a starving country can make six nutritious meals and only costs 15 cents a bag.

“I can only give you a tiny taste of what life is like in this country,” Molohon says.

Feed My Starving Children relies on volunteers to pack the bags of rice and ship boxes of food to starving countries. Molohon invited everyone to volunteer at one of the charity’s locations saying that it is a great experience being able to help out someone in need.

The hunger banquet was able to raise $600 and all the proceeds were donated to Feed My Starving Children.

For more information on Feed My Starving Children or to volunteer, visit fmsc.org.

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Literary/

You Might Ask

Literary Events

By engw3110, section 001 Will a poet’s words be remembered after the drought of many seasons?

How do you organize the abrupt snap from the dream when you’re all disoriented—science?

When the leaves whisper in your ear, why don’t you stop to listen?

When you laugh, do you subdue it or laugh loudly that others might ask what you are laughing about?

Who: Mary Kay Rummel What: The author discusses ‘The Illuminations.’

When: Wednesday, Dec. 6th, 7:00 pm.

Where: St. Anthony Park Library (2245 Como Ave, St. Paul), FREE

When did a shiny new penny lose its appeal?

Where have the zeppelins gone that turn clouds of ash?

Are they just another set of lies told to make weak minds believe?

What is the sound of all the world’s music played rhythmically together?

What negative space did you break through today?

Who: U of M MFA What: Reading When: Wednesday, Dec. 6th, 7:00 pm.

Where: The Loft Literary Center, FREE

Why does the pen put me down whenever I pick it up?

When we step into our slippers, do they sigh with plentitude?

When Alaska finally collides with Russia, will the blue of one country on the map mix with the yellow of the other to

create green?

Is twenty going to feel any different?

When will eighty be the new twenty?

Who: Kierkegaard and Irony What: Symposium When: Friday, Dec. 9th, 9:00 am to 4:30 pm.

Where: Andersen Library, West Bank. FREE

So now that we are so bored is it ok that I play video games while we fuck?

Why does life sometimes seem like a cycle of awakenings and sleepings?

Jesus, how many times have I eaten of you, how many thimbles of your blood will it take me to get drunk, no, plastered?

When does Sunday rest for prayer?

When will we remember our claws, our languageless dreams?

Who: Kate Lynn Hibbard What: The author discusses ‘Sleeping Upside Down.’

When: Sunday, Dec. 10th, 2:00 pm.

Where: AZ Gallery, 308 Prince St, St. Paul. FREE

Why does the dictionary dictate our words, when it is we that dictate the dictionary?

Who: Sun Yung Shin; Joel Turnipseed: Lyda Morehouse: Emergence What: Poetry and Prose When: Monday, Dec. 11th, 7:00 pm.

Where: Intermedia Arts, 2822 Lyndale Ave S, Mpls.

FREE

Who: Maureen Skelly; Susu Jeffrey; Maren Hinderlie; Hardy Coleman What: Bringing the Light Within; Poetry.

When: Tuesday, Dec. 12th, 7:00 pm.

Where: Caffe Tempo, 4161 Grand Ave S. FREE

Who: Loft Students What: Loft student reading.

When: Wednesday, Dec. 13th, 6:00 pm.

Where: The Loft Literary Center. FREE

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\ Literary

Untitled

Photo Poll

by anonymous I wanted some good old fashioned schizophrenia the other day, some conflicting mind interest to get the ‘ole ticker clicking.

At first I was hesitant not wanting to pursue conflicting questions arisen but instead pursue some truth and forget this blind vision.

by Matt Holland

Where is your favorite place to study for finals?

In my TA office. It’s nice and quiet.

JESSE COLE

Turns out the mind doesn’t work that way being mistaken for something else rather than that pigeon nibbling on its feathers outside the window

Electrical Engineering grad-student

by the kitchen eating Lord! knows what between its feathers exploring its beak, it’s a shame this fella can’t speak.

I’ve got this box of radiation that likes to hang out sending ripples into my eardrum trying to make meanings.

My lips don’t make this same frequency is it really happening I don’t even know what Wolf Blitzer sounds like in real time

In my mind he happens to carry a clipboard and a beard on his face

Overnight at Walter Library, I like to take over the whole table.

AHLAM HASSAN

German and Journalism Senior

facing this contraption camera capturing captivating careers

of tacit hatespeak. I want to understand Islamo-Fascism and who their leader is and the basis of this philosophy and why it’s not made so concrete

to me and you and everybody between the news and the truth and this schizophrenic dive bar.

On my couch with an episode of Friends playing in the background.

HEATHER HARRINGTON

Journalism Senior

One Issue Left Show me what you got. jduellman@wakemag.org

Asleep on the couches in the St. Paul Student Center.

HOW TO: Submitting is easy! Send your poems, short stories or suggestions to jduellman@wakemag.org Attach your work using Microsoft Word and also include your piece in the body of the e-mail. Any accompanying illustrations must be sent at 300 DPI.

KACY BOBIZEN

Environmental Science Policy and Management Senior

Still have concerns? We are also available to meet in person to workshop your creative work. Just send an e-mail to set an appointment. We don’t bite... hard

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Athletics/

Cheaper Alternatives The Wake challenges every call Gopher Football makes J.P. Frederick Remember a couple weeks ago when we were all embarrassed to be attending the U of M and contemplated dropping out to become a prostitute? Before a bid to the Insight Bowl and trumped-up wins against an inexperienced Indiana team, a shoddy Michigan State team and an underachieving Iowa team which the Minnesota players deserve credit for. It was when North Dakota State’s small, slow and bad Division-II football runts came into the Metrodome and should have beat us.

Heads were held low, Minnesota t-shirts were covered up, and everyone sat alone at the dark, far end of the bar taking tequila shots ‘til 2 in the morning. It was sickening to be a Golden Gopher fan that day.

The players were humiliated and hibernated for days. Students were throwing their lives away left and right. Watching “Deal or No Deal” 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Registering as Republicans. Voting Independent. Listening to Democrats.

It was a scary time in Dinkytown. Coach Glen Mason, however, felt a different way.

“This is the kind of game that puts a smile on your face. When you’re outcoached and outplayed and still win.”

Really? The students have watched their football program disintegrate and you got a smile on your face, Glen? Your players couldn’t look in the mirror without wanting to vomit and you got a smile on your face? Your assistants were embarrassed to be connected with such filth and you got a smile on your face? You just got slapped in the face by a D-II coach’s back hand and you got a smile on your face?

Let’s run down Glen’s record quickly. 3148 in the Big Ten. 17-63 career against teams .500 or better. Best finish in the Big Ten: Fourth. 3-6 against Iowa, 2-8 against Wisconsin, 1-7 against Michigan.

It’s Rotten. Well, Athletics Director Joel Maturi and I have been negotiating, burning the midnight lamp. I told him the facts: I could do just as bad a job as Glen–I couldn’t do any worse–and I won’t charge $1.6 million.

I could have scheduled Temple, Kent St., and NDSU for some easy wins. I would’ve

22/6-12 December 2006

recruited a kicker who could make an extra point to beat Penn State. I wouldn’t have blown a 21-point lead to Michigan.

I’d remember who Ernie Wheelwright is. I could’ve gotten bowl games out of Laurence Maroney; hell, I could’ve gotten Rose Bowl games out of The Laurence Maroney.

I would’ve kept the best Minnesota players in-state; James Laurinaitis, anyone?

Anyone?

Am I being arrogant? Am I filled with undeserved narcissism and a talk-radio football mind? Probably. Probably drunk, too. But that’s neither here nor there, because coaching football isn’t rocket science or brain surgery; it’s not even changing a tire, which is the hardest science known to civilization.

Football isn’t that hard: Our lines need to beat their lines, we need the ball in the hands of our best players and we need to keep the ball out of the hands of their best players, good field position is better than bad field position. Get good assistant coaches, defenses win championships, turnovers kill, clichés inspire, keep kids in-state; James Laurinaitis, anyone?

Anyone?

Coaching football isn’t rocket science or brain surgery; it’s not even changing a tire, which is the hardest science known to civilization.

That’s the tried and true, simple, blue-chip method to building a college football winner. It works in Iowa, Wisconsin, so why not Minnesota? I’ll get the football program to the next level for rent money. And a car; I want a Prius, help out the environment and junk. And some beer.

Or don’t hire me. I don’t need that mess anyway. I didn’t even want to coach. Hire someone else, for all I care; the NDSU Coach, perhaps? I bet he’s cheaper than $1.6 million, much cheaper. Or hire some local high school coach, that’d be real cheap. John Gagliardi is like Vince Lombardi and the Pope combined, why not sign him?

Because if we’re going to be mediocre year after year, which is and will continue to be Mason’s M.O., we might as well do it at a low cost.

sam soule

4RB17R4RY 4W4RD5: THE 1337 D1G1T4L 3D1T10N!!!!!11 ROFL 8====D ~~~ <br /> <br /> <h1>Best new development in hackerspeak: “LOLocaust” <h1>Best blog: The Hidden Eye, of course wakemag.org/hiddeneye<br /> <h1>Worst blog: The Dullest Blog in the World www.wibsite.com/wiblog/dull/ “April 21, ‘Standing in the Middle of the Room:’ I was standing at a central point in the room. The walls were all at approximately the same distance from me. I continued to stand there for a few moments.”<br />

<h1>Best random junk text from a Spam email: “I use Luvs diapers as they are bigger and make your cake more stable.”<br /> <h1>Best justification for genocide of the declining West: World of Warcraft e-marriages<br />

e-doglolz

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