The Wake Issue 3 Fall 2006

Conservative AwarenessWeek/10 The Weekly Student Magazine of the University of Minnesota

Secrets of the St. Paul Campus/13 PLUS 31Knots / Haley Bonar / Guitar Hero 2 / and more!

29 November–5 December 2006

Editorial/ Editor-in-Chief Jenny Odegard

Managing Editor Eric Price

Athletics Editor Craig Rentmeester

Campus Editor Sarah Howard

Literary Editor Jacob Duellman

Sound & Vision Editor Kristen Mueller

Voices Editor Nathaniel Olson

Editorial Assistants Alyssa Cogan, Dan Olmschenk, Lyndsey Danberry

Senior Staff Writers Elizabeth Autwes, Rachel Drewelow

PRODUCTION/ Production Manager Jeremy Sengly

Art Director Sam Soule

Photography Editor Ethan Stark

Web Editor Luke Preiner

Copy Editors Kelly Frush, Erin Lavigne, Rachel Levitt, Tammy Quan, Morgon Mae Schultz

Graphic Designers Dave Hagen, Eric Price, Becki Schwartz, Jeremy Sengly, Krista Spinti

BUSINESS/ Business Manager Angela Damiani

Office Manager Elizabeth Keely Shaller

Advertising Executive Now hiring!

Public Relations Director Cassie Benson

Advertising Intern Tyler Jones

Public Relations Interns Marlys Huismann, Alison Traxler, Julie Veternick

Distributors Rachel Levitt, Dan Olmschenk, Luke Preiner

THIS ISSUE/ Cover Artist Dave Hagen Illustrators Dave Hagen, Jeremy Sengly Photographers Matt Holland, Chris Lenzen, Angie Myhre Denise Rath, Cameron Wittig

Contributing Writers Elizabeth Aulwes, Carrie Bermel, Carl Carpenter, Lyndsey Danberry, Megan Dorn, Erik Helin, Andy Irland, Macks Markin, Kristen Mueller, Jenny Odegard, Ian Power, April Vacura

/5:12 Š2006 The Wake Student Magazine. All rights reserved.

Established in 2002, The Wake is a weekly independent magazine produced by and for the students of the University of Minnesota. The Wake is a registered student organization.

The Wake Student Magazine 1313 5th St. SE Minneapolis, MN 55414 (612) 379-5952 • www.wakemag.org The Wake was founded by Chris Ruen and James DeLong.

Conservative Awareness Week/10 They say the University discriminates against them, and that’s not fair. Others say, isn’t it about time? The Wake looks into the case they make for being recognized as a “minority.”

SOUND & VISION/04 VOICES/08 CAMPUS/12 LITERARY/16 PHOTOGRAPHY/18 BASTARD/19

Dear Readers, This past Sunday, The New York Times published a story about a seven-page report they received describing the way that Iraqi insurgents find funding. The report, aptly labeled “secret” on the first page, was given to the Times by someone in the Bush administration who believed the public should be more informed. Fascinating.

The problem with the report, which the Times points out, is that it fails to document how the estimates ranging from $70 million to $200 million were made. And while I think we can all agree that ambiguity is a hallmark of the current administration, the government told the Times that the report speaks to “…how little the American intelligence agencies knew about the opaque and complex world of Iraq’s militant groups.”

I find it to be of concern that our “intelligence” agencies know so little about what is going on in Iraq that we have to spend, according to the article, the same amount each day as the Iraq insurgency spends in a year, in order to continue fighting the war. The United States is currently spending $8 billion monthly to make no progress at all, fumbling in the “opaque and complex” world of one of the world’s most powerful militant groups.

The money is coming from a short list of sources, including oil smuggling (duh), kidnapping (duh), and from nongovernmental groups that are acting as covers for the transfer of cash (duh). And while this information is enlightening to the U.S government, I feel like I could have guessed these same things without members of the C.I.A., F.B.I., Defense Intelligence Agency, State Department, Treasury Department, and United States Central Command.

It took six government agencies to not find specific information.

The red flag in this situation should not be that we aren’t given much information about the war, but that it seems as if the United States doesn’t have information about the war we are fighting. Crucial details like where our enemy gets its funding are still a mystery. This report just seems to be adding insult to injury in the administration’s poor planning and insufficient knowledge about a war that is costing us $8 billion each month.

JENNY ODEGARD

Editor-in-Chief

Sound & Vision/

Massive Crush Artist Chris Larson exhibits with a bang

By April Vacura

Chris Larson, still from the film, Crush Collision, 2006

It all started with a bang. The city of Crush, Texas staged a monumental crash between two 32-ton locomotives on September 15, 1896. The collision caused these two metal monsters to explode and burst into flames, intermingling smoke, metal and fire. This historic collision was the pet project of George William Crush, a charismatic agent of the Missouri, Kansas and Texas Railway. Before the collision, Crush appeared on the tracks atop a white horse. He threw down his hat and the trains set off on their one-way journey. Shrapnel and fire bellowed from the engines after the collision, injuring and killing some of the spectators. When it was finished, Crush had set into motion a symbolic metaphor that would inspire many. The collision became symbolic of the clash between the North and South in post Civil War America.

Larson’s fourth film, “Crush Collision,” will be at the center of the exhibition at the MIA. It is named after ragtime music composer Scott Joplin’s “The Great Crush Collision March.”

This 12-minute film is, in Larson’s words, “a complex examination of the dualities of the human existence.” The film features musician Grant Hart (formally of Husker Du), performance artist Britta Hallin, local percussionist Michael Bland (formerly with Prince and Soul Asylum) and the Minneapolis gospel quartet, The Spiritual Knights.

This monumental collision is the inspiration for local artist Chris Larson’s latest installment, “Crush Collision,” an imaginative mixed-media exhibition being held at the Minneapolis Institute of Art (MIA).

The film traces two story lines from different times running parallel in the same location. It begins with Hart and Hallin working feverishly over a large machine rotating an endless circle of clay. The artists are working on two levels of a giant house that is floating on water. Hart continues to work as a reverie transports him to another life, with Bland playing percussion to set the mood. Hart comes upon a serene setting as the Knight family begins to say grace. Enlightened by this beautiful sound, Hart soars to the house’s upper level and begins playing a silver piano, not by tapping the keys but by rhythmically rocking it back and forth. The film is a meditative study of both dark and light, and of the physical and the spiritual.

“For the last two years I have been staging collisions and clashes between two different or similar worlds,” Larson says on Creative Electric’s MySpace page. By creating and colliding objects centered on American culture, Larson interprets the intricate conversation of a changing society.

“I grew up and live in a world where people, ideals, thoughts, race and politics are constantly colliding,” Larson continues.

“I am interested in the conversation that comes out of these collisions.”

Larson describes his sculptures as constructed destruction.

This concept is exquisitely represented in his 16-by-14-foot, two-story house, which started showing November 17 at the MIA. Filling most of the gallery, the home spent last winter frozen on a small lake in Wisconsin. Weathered and worn, it still preserves the memory of the life it once had. Beside the house is a decrepit piano that has been gutted out and painted silver. The piano has a perplexing presence, allowing the viewer to give it purpose after it has been stripped of its former identity. Both the house and the piano are recurring symbols in Larson’s latest film.

04/29 November–5 December 2006

“He likes to put the dots out there and let others connect them.”

“His crashes, expressed in art installations, are collisions between cultures, beliefs, religions and the art of people from disparate worlds,” says Tammy Sopinski Perlman, a Minnesota Artists Exhibition Program associate at the MIA. Larson is an exceptional storyteller and uses his collisions to reflect on early American traditions. His works have permanent residences in many of the greatest museums around the world including Magnus Miller in Berlin and our own Walker Art Center in Minneapolis.

“Conceptually it’s there,” Perlman says. “People will be blown away by it.” She described the exhibit as an open stage waiting for a story to be told. It has a surrealist sort of edge

courtesy artsmia.org

with no particular set of rules. “He likes to put the dots out there and let others connect them,” she continues. In Perlman’s eyes, the exhibit has a certain southern-gospel feeling surrounding it, with hidden irresistible folklore. The MIA will also play host to a performance by the Spiritual Knights on opening night.

“Larson creates fantastical worlds with intricate engineering, but no clear design,” says David Salmela, co-founder of the Creative Electric Studios. Salmela notes that Larson’s current works and films “explore the collision of different worlds—destruction and invasion.” Larson even demonstrated a live “great American collision” within Creative Electric on opening night, November 11, in collaboration with Grant Hart and Britta Hallin.

Larson was born in 1966 and lived in rural Minnesota near Lake Elmo. He graduated from Yale University and exhibited in Berlin. While in Germany, Larson did numerous drawings of a variety of tools and machines. Perlman tells of how for Larson’s first sculpture he used diagrams as a point of reference, allowing him the freedom to create his own. “He would just go with the flow,” Perlman says. Soon Larson had many elaborate drawings of machines similar to da Vinci’s masterful studies of the catapult and his flying contraptions.

“Through film and sculpture, Larson tells strange and fantastic stories,” states a MIA spotlight article on Larson, who is exhibiting there for the second time. “He creates the essence of time and place within these stories by incorporating sight, sound and smell. From the earthy smell of the wood used in his sculptures to the sharp, sometimes dangerous-looking parts of the machines, to the dark, moody soundtracks of his films, his installations are an assault on the viewer’s senses.”

Crush Collision will be on display at the Minneapolis Institute of Arts from now until January 7, featuring an artist-led tour and discussion on Nov. 30

\ Sound & Vision

Haley Bonar Lures the Varsity Theater

By Lyndsey Danberry She started playing guitar at 14, started performing at 16 and went on her first tour at 19. Meet the new Minnesota superstar: Haley Bonar, who just recorded her third album.

Bonar and I sat down at the Spyhouse coffee shop at Nicollet and 25th. She munched on a muffin as we discussed her album, her family and her love life. Wearing tall and worn brown boots, black tights and a red mini skirt that was almost a perfect match to her hair Bonar started telling me how she had just arrived home after traveling with her boyfriend (sorry guys) on a train from Minneapolis to Seattle. “It took almost two days,” Bonar said.

Bonar was born in Manitoba, but grew up in Rapid City, S.D. with three younger sisters. She got started playing in local coffee shops and at open mic nights in her hometown. Bonar has toured with the band Low down south and by herself out west. She even gave college a try at the University of Minnesota, Duluth. Eventually, she settled in Minneapolis, where two of her sisters—who she says are her best friends are currently living as well.

Bonar’s latest CD, Lure the Fox, was just picked up by local music label Afternoon Records. Bonar and her band, bassist/ singer Chris Morrissey, drummer Luke Andersen and guitarist Mike Michael, will be celebrating the release party at the Varsity Theater on November 25. The Get Up Johns, who Bonar describes as “super tight old school blue grass,” will open.

“Afternoon Records is super excited and are putting a lot of effort into putting it out,” Bonar said. The CD hit stores November 22. “It’s pretty dirge-y, loose in a good way,” Bonar said, “but I am really, really proud of it.” And she should be. Bonar’s music is relaxing, her tone puts your mind at ease. Her soothing voice forces you to stop and listen as the gentle music pulls you in.

You can’t help but love her.

Cameron Wittig

New tracks that you will want to check out include “Drinking Again,” “Ransom” and “Captain, Captain.” Bonar, who writes most of her own songs, says they “just sort of come to you. You figure out the melody and write some words over it. It’s not like writing poetry and turning it into a song, although it kind of started like that.” It’s what makes her songs unique, with Bonar allowing a part of herself into the songs, especially when you hear her sing live. “She lets you in to her intimate world of slow dances and low lighting,” the Varsity

“I no longer sounds like a 12-yearold… I think it’s a good thing” Theater’s website aptly observes.

Bonar recently won in two Minnesota Music Awards categories: “Best American Roots Artist” and “Best American Roots Recording” for Lure the Fox. According to Bonar, it’s kind of a big deal because you have to be a member to vote, so winning is kind of “elite.” “It looks good on my resume,” she says. “It shows that someone thinks I am good.”

After her show at the Varsity Theater, Bonar and her band (minus the guitarist) will be heading out on tour, stopping in Oklahoma, Arizona, California, Oregon and Illinois. Catch her in town before she’s lured from the Midwest.

Bonar recorded her first album, Haley Bryn Bonar, in 2001 before she moved to Duluth. Her second album, The Size of Planets, was released on Chairkicker’s Union, a Duluth-based independent label in 2003. It was voted one of the best albums of 2003 by the Minneapolis Star Tribune.

According to Bonar, her new album is a lot different. She says some people feel that it is darker—and that Bonar “no longer sounds like a 12-year-old … I think it’s a good thing,” she says with a smile.

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Sound & Vision/

Emerging Digerati The literati class goes digital

By Kristen Mueller Andre 3000’s animated counterpart, music teacher Sunny Bridges of Cartoon Network’s new series, “Class of 3000,” lopes up a hill on the computer screen projected onto the Weisman Art Gallery’s wall. “Together, we’re gonna tear down the walls of convention with a wrecking ball of creativity,” the voice best known for “Hey Ya!” exclaims.

Steve Killingbeck, founder of punygames.com, clicks on “Auditorium,” and a melting pot of student musicians appear next to Sunny. Killingbeck clicks on Tamika, a guitar player with the eyes of a vixen and hair like a crashing ocean wave. Green boxes pop up next to her, each holding a separate music note that can be dragged below to compose and play an original song.

This interactive computer game was designed for six to 11-year-olds, but that doesn’t stop Killingbeck from bobbing his head to the beat as he builds song after song, demonstrating the technology he programmed in front of the two dozen students and professionals gathered at the year’s second “Emerging Digerati” meeting. The monthly event, staged by the U of M’s Institute for New Media Studies, hopes to build dialogue between innovators in disciplines ranging from computer science to visual arts, said Anne Preston, the night’s curator.

Killingbeck is sharing his knowledge of “Flash,” a program for building games, movies, and web applications, alongside technophile and recent U of M graduate Colin McFadden and multimedia guru Dave Schroeder.

“What are you doing here?” the man asked me between speakers. “You don’t look like one of us. You’re a normal person.”

Connor is just one player in the growing legion of “digerati,” or “persons well versed in computer use and technology.” Swap the terms “d” for an “l,” and a PowerBook for a textbook, and you’ll find the word’s origin: literati.

The literati emerged in the 19th century as “men of letters,” intellectuals whose interests lied in “issues of social or political import.” Confucius is said to have established the School of Literati, a breeding ground for Chinese politicians, and the Encyclopedia Britannica cites the first literati as Asian scholars “whose poetry, calligraphy, and paintings were supposed primarily to reveal their cultiva-

06/29 November–5 December 2006

tion.” In his book “The Twilight of Atheism,” Alister McGrath also writes that the emerging literati were “socially alienated, theologically literate and anti-establishment.” Which may explain the following exchange I had with one of today’s digerati.

“What are you doing here?” the man asked me between speakers. “You don’t look like one of us. You’re a normal person,” he explained, in a friendly, but clearly distressed, voice.

“I think you’re normal,” I replied, to which he pointed out the preponderance of long-haired men gathered around us.

I’m not sure how this digerati exposed me as a fraud so quickly. Maybe he noticed the way my eyes glazed over when the night’s talk turned to derivatives, helper applications and remodeling interfaces. Or the way I frantically typed notes, recording the speakers’ every utterance. (Another man later asked me if I was the night’s stenographer.) Or perhaps the gleam bouncing from my shiny silver ballet flats, an anomaly in a sea of sneakers, marked me as “other,” a breed of human not fit for the digerati class.

Despite the vast knowledge gulf separating my liberal arts educated self from the technically-educated crowd, Emerging Digerati, on the whole, was a welcoming experience. I still can’t tell you much about simple vector animation tools, but I can tell you where to go to compose your own Outkast-inspired funk box tunes—cartoonnetwork.com/games.

The last Emerging Digerati meeting of fall semester will be held December 4, at the Weisman Art Museum. The series will continue in the spring semester on February 4, March 5 and April 2; inms.umn.edu/digerati/.

jeremy sengly

\ Sound & Vision

Be My Hero Guitar Hero II rocks Memory Lanes

By Ian Power Shots of Jägermeister and a toast “to evil.” It’s 11:39 p.m. and the final rounds of Guitar Hero at Memory Lanes bowling alley are about to go off with a bang, perhaps? I am three drinks deep watching blazing stars of rock come and go every three and a half minutes. This is opening night of Guitar Hero II, a PlayStation 2 game where players plug in digital guitars (think Fisher Price) and pretend to shred with a series of buttons located on different parts of a plastic fretboard.

Not sure how to feel about it? It’s understandable, but this game is actually really entertaining. Guitar Hero II seems to market itself to people who love to rock but simply can’t. Artists like Stone Temple Pilots, Danzig, Nirvana

and Rage Against The Machine lend a helping hand to all the wannabes in the world, and rock enthusiasts finally have the opportunity to face the facts and come to terms with pretending. Because doesn’t it just seem much more practical to learn to play a video game version of a musical instrument than to learn the real version? The ironic part of the situation is that the songs being played in the game are not done by the actual artists. Instead they’re covered by another band which seems to have no shame (think “Kidz Bops”). I first noticed this when at the end of Rage Against The Machine’s “Killing In The Name Of” Zack de la Rocha suddenly didn’t sound so angry. I soon realized that some words had been changed, and that some bands had probably not given their permission.

Don’t worry though; we can all sleep easy knowing that record companies own most of their artists’ freedom, the songs still made it into the game, just in a nice cellophane “soft around the edges” wrapping.

Regardless of the ethics, Guitar Hero night was pretty damn fun. The people who buckle down at Memory Lanes

every Wednesday come to draw a line in the sand, if only for four minutes. This in itself is commendable, plus you can get drunk. Can’t do that at the arcade, can you? With a touch of Dance Dance Revolution fanaticism, and along the same wavelengths as its two predecessors, Frequency and Amplitude, Guitar Hero and now Guitar Hero II call for massive amounts of rapid-fire hand eye coordination and amazing finger skills: what I like to call “fingertelligence.” I don’t know what possible life skill playing Guitar Hero II can attribute to one’s character, but I was insanely impressed by the people who were getting perfect scores after more than three cocktails. When a girl player leaned back for a solo and struck a rock-star stance that could make Angus Young thunderstruck, I almost fell in love.

After speaking with manager of Memory Lanes, Greg Peterson, I learned that the event, as well as your eligibility to win prizes, is all free of charge. Pabst Blue Ribbon and Grain Belt are both two bucks a pint and there’s no cover.

Hell, why not.

Reviews

31 Knots Polemics (Polyvinyl)

“They will never trust us/just like we don’t trust/those who trespassed/and trespass against us.” They mix in a scattering of snares, and we’ve got ourselves a standout cut. “Black Ship Auction” was my personal favorite, sounding like a moodier, more sullen version of the The Walkmen. The album’s closer, “Endless Days,” comes across like a missing section of a Godspeed You! Black Emperor song, bringing back that ghastly machine-like drone. All and all, it’s worth your time.

By Carl Carpenter The new 31 Knots five-song disc was a journey unlike any I had taken before. The tone starts dreary, as “Sounding Off Uncertainty” casts you into the depths of some dark, untreadable water. You hear a deep bellow, as if from a creature you cannot name. A weary chorus quickly follows, seeming to send out a warning. It’s a chilling blend.

The noise drops out once, and then gives way to an eerie machine-like drone. It comes in and out of focus, as if you’re fighting to stay on the surface. Only 49 seconds into 31 Knots’ EP: Polemics, and it’s all you can do to try to stay alive.

This Portland band bounces from genre to genre on its newest release, never content to stay in one spot. “Sedition’s Wish” starts out far more contemporary with its up and down, scattering bass line and slick high-hat/snare combo. This familiarity is short-lived as you crash headon with static guitar fuzz and a whirlwind of clamorous drums. The song closes with soft, reverberant keys and a winding guitar lick.

“Vanish” is a real toe-tapper, giving you a can’t-miss acoustic cadence, accompanied by the album’s best lyrics:

Matthew Damico Hopin’ and Prayin’

Nothing could have prepared me for these alarmingly horrendous lyrics, whimpering vocals, and Bible-camp counselor guitar playing. It takes less than 30 seconds into the album, on the title track “Hopin’ and Prayin,’” for Damico to use the ol’ “fork in the road” analogy, as he “tries to find his peace of mind… in this crazy time.” On the second song, “Harmony,” he assures, “If you’ll be the melody/I’ll be your harmony.”

No thanks, Matt. I’d rather have a signed letter of your resignation from making music. Despite the crafty use of some shakers, tambourines, and bongos, it’s just not quite enough to distract from the pitiful music at hand. It pains me, as I would have loved to have written a much more favorable review for this U of M alum. But hey, don’t take my word for it, go to myspace.com/matthewdamico and check it out for yourselves.

By Carl Carpenter When I first got this CD, I wasn’t really sure what to expect. “Is this a Christian album?” I asked my friend. It had all the signs: the word “Pray” was in the title, the artist is shown on the cover in a standard, “I’m standing on the shores of some water with my arms opened up towards the sky” pose, and there were songs with titles like, “Heaven Knows” and “I Will Wait.” After listening to this record several times through, I’m only about 95 percent sure it’s a religious album, but I’m 100 percent sure that it sucks.

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Voices/

Conservative Awareness

“Because the GLBT’s feel more comfortable at the U than we do.” Wait, what?

families for being conservative, conservatives are allowed to adopt children, conservatives cannot be fired without just cause, conservatives are not discriminated against on a regular basis just for being themselves and the list goes on. Gay people, on the other hand, have very limited rights. They cannot marry, or adopt, or live happily ever after in our society. If being gay today was as apparent as being black was 50 years ago (before the Voting Rights Act was passed in 1965), would our government allow gay people to vote?

The comparison is ludicrous and offensive. The U may not be oppressive and intolerant enough for conservatives to feel comfortable, but that’s a good thing. I don’t want to impose

With an oxymoronic slogan like “exposing the intolerant left,” the U’s First Annual Conservative Awareness Week focused more on attacking the right’s ideological opposition than proving that they have anything to offer to students. Remembering, of course, that this was only a week after the GOP’s embarrassing defeat in the midterm Congressional elections—this abortion was probably the best response they could come up with. To make matters worse, the creators of the week decided to soullessly insult the GLBT community, through suggesting the asinine idea that somehow, conservatives are more frequently victimized than gays.

CFACT, the Campus Conservative Cultural Program, The Minnesota Republic and Students for a Conservative Voice, the creators of the weeklong tribute to conservatism, claim that conservatives on campus feel unsafe, unwelcome and fear academic retribution from liberal professors. It’s remotely understandable that conservatives feel that way. Few would argue that they’re a majority at the U. But it seems more like immature whining than a genuine complaint, entirely because of the way they’ve decided to portray themselves. When was the last time a conservative was fired or discharged because of their political beliefs?

Conservative students aren’t a forlorn minority with nowhere to turn, overwhelmed from suffering under the liberal machine. In fact, there isn’t a single registered student organization devoted primarily to furthering the liberal agenda. Sure, there are groups that focus on causes that would fall under the umbrella of progressive politics, but those are groups advocating for healthy discussion or an increase in awareness of a particular issue. In contrast CFACT, which stands for “Collegians for a Constructive Tomorrow” doesn’t have a specific issue to push, preferring to instead make uninformed, blanket statements about their opposition. And let’s talk about that cute little acronym they’ve conveniently chosen. It’s got that word “fact” in it, which makes them appear reputable, but the last time I checked, “for” and “a”

how I do. It’s called the Bill of Rights. But many conservatives are religious and base their political ideology on their religious beliefs, which almost inevitably leads to intolerance.

Republicans spent the last 12 years in control of Congress and had the presidency the last 6, and in their reign of power, little was done in the way of improving our country. We’re trillions of dollars in debt, fighting a futile war going no where and civil liberties are being retracted or infringed upon wherever you look. Why the hell would anyone want to celebrate conserva-

The Rotisseria in uptown. It’s one of those New York style pizza places and they do a better job than anyone else.

Jonathan Dessi-Olive Junior Architecture

But that’s just how Laura Gatz, the interim president of CFACT, explained the idea behind the week. She called it a “selfish” week for conservatives to unite and spread their message.

“It’s about education,” she said. But of the literature being passed out at their events, little was said in the way of political information. No arguments for conservative ideals were made in their brochures, just CFACT’s extreme stances. The group “maintains that much scientific uncertainty remains over the theory of global warming.” Well, welcome to the 21st century, in which the majority of scientists and rational thinkers believe

112 Eatery. Fresh European food, unusual food, great desserts.

Summer Kluck Junior Applied Plant Science

that climate change is a real phenomenon that threatens the planet, its ecosystems and creatures, humankind included.

Maybe conservatives forgot to tell the rest of us that they inherently understand the environment and the Earth’s limits better than well-educated, peer-reviewed scientists do. Or maybe, CFACT and its members have a shaky grasp on reality because CFACT refuses to listen to scientists or experts of different persuasions. The group employs their own research teams and apparently doesn’t take into account the consensus of the scientific community. That certainly seems like a group that is “on the cutting edge of today’s environmental debate,” as asserted in their literature.

CFACT’s environmental ignorance explains why the day they devoted to “Free Market Environmentalism” didn’t discuss

El Gaucho. It’s an Argentinian grill.

Great steak. Or Caspian Bistro—it’s Persian food.

Shama Chopp Senior Cultural Anthropology

any environmental issues- just a ban on “dihydrogen monoxide,” better known as water. The attempt to highlight the

didn’t constitute letters in an abbreviation. “CCT” sounds a bit

problems, CFACT wants to further the right-wing, only-busi-

more accurate, but then they’d lose the fair and balanced rhetoric

ness-matters agenda. It’s disappointing to see students buy

of their demigods.

into a prejudiced agenda. But perhaps Conservative Awareness

general public’s scientific ignorance was surprisingly humorous, but doesn’t fall under the category of environmentalism, to which the group is supposedly dedicated. I agree that students shouldn’t sign petitions supporting a cause they aren’t informed of. But, why is CFACT prioritizing uninformed petition signing when there is a slew of more important environmental issues that could be addressed?

It seems that instead of concentrating on real, threatening

Week backfired. Hopefully students can see through a group The week’s Facebook event tagline says that “the GLBT’s feel

that can soberly compare themselves and the GLBT community

more comfortable at the U than [conservatives] do.” How so, I’d

and realize that conservatives aren’t trying to improve society,

like to ask conservatives. Conservatives are allowed to marry

but actually confine wealth and privilege to themselves.

08/29 November-5 December 2006

What restaurant, café, etc. is, in your opinion, the best kept secret in Minneapolis? Or, where would you take a first date?

tism?

We’re trillions of dollars in debt, fighting a futile war going no where and civil liberties are being retracted or infringed upon wherever you look. Why the hell would anyone want to celebrate conservatism?

other conservatives, conservatives are rarely disowned by their

by Chris Lenzen

my values or beliefs on others. I don’t expect that gay people, or racial minorities, or even conservatives, should have to live

BY Elizabeth aulwes

Photo Poll

The collection of dirty dishes beneath my bed.

Angie Lynch Sophomore Journalism

\ Voices

Social Commentary Via Anal Probes and Bleeding Statues Comedy Central’s raunchy South Park creates poignant political discussion

photo courtesy of google search

BY andy irland A scene from South Park: his drinking problem spiraling out of control, Randy Marsh begins attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, where he is convinced he has a disease which he is powerless to control. Losing hope, Randy’s drinking escalates further.

Meanwhile, a statue of the Virgin Mary suddenly begins bleeding from her anus. People gather around this spectacle, praying to be healed from their various ailments. Randy approaches the statue, pushing aside those with diseases he considers less severe. He drenches himself in the blood erupting from Mary’s rectum and proclaims he will never drink again. A few days later, the Pope comes to investigate the statue. To the dismay of millions, he discovers that the statue is not bleeding from her butt– but from her vagina. He declares this to be no miracle because “chicks bleed from their vaginas all the time.” However absurd this episode might sound, it succeeds in providing potent social commentary on Alcoholics Anonymous, and society’s view of so-called signs from heaven.

Matt Stone encapsulates his intentions with the comment, “I hate conservatives, but I really fucking hate liberals.”

It’s hard to believe that it has been nine years since South Park first aired on Comedy Central. Today, co-creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone continue to dish out their merciless, politically incorrect humor. Both grew up in Colorado suburbs, which inspired the show’s small town setting. Targeted toward a young adult audience, South Park is often included in a lineup of equally irreverent and satirical programs like The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Colbert Report, Mind of Mencia, and reruns of Chappelle’s Show. After ten seasons, the show continues to impact its fan base in surprising ways.

The recent coining of the terms “South Park Conservative” and “South Park Republican” brings new perspective to the show’s influ-

ence. Given that many moralists, Christians and Catholics despise the show’s unique blend of slapstick and stereotyping, people falling within the aforementioned political sects can appreciate some of today’s more raunchy entertainment. Still, these young viewers are likely to support restricted government, free markets, and personal liberty as hinted by the conservative leanings of many of the South Park’s plot lines. Examples of this include the bashing of outspoken liberal celebrities, sex-education in schools, hate-crime laws, and the success of Wal-Mart largely as a result of good business. Matt Stone encapsulates his intentions with the comment, “I hate conservatives, but I really fucking hate liberals.”

One of these terms originates in the book, South Park Conservatives: The Revolt Against Liberal Media Bias, which explores how cable T.V. shows like South Park is doing just what it’s title suggests. Plus, the book claims the next generation of conservatives will place more emphasis on freedom and individual liberty. “South Park Republican” was used widely on the Internet in 2001 and 2002 to describe those whose beliefs corresponded eerily to those suggested by the show.

In response to these developments, the show’s creators confessed a hatred for the lack of political middle-ground in our society. It seems that instead of being labeled as either Republican or Libertarian, these men would like to be known simply as “equal opportunity offenders.” It’s comforting to know that South Park prefers to lampoon all sides of an issue, rather than pick a specific position. When frequently ridiculing public figures and social groups, the show claims not to mock what these individuals represent, but the people themselves. But despite this seal of innocence, we’re still seeing South Park fans that support the benefits of capitalism but despise religious fundamentalists, as reported by a number of online columnists commenting on the show’s targeted demographic.

In 2004, South Park started taking steps away from pure shock-value in order to focus on current affairs more exclusively. Since then, each season has been a free-for-all, ridiculing everyone from environmentalists to homophobics, with little regard for the consequences.

When one revisits the show’s pilot episode, it becomes apparent that an eighty-foot satellite dish exploding out of Cartman’s ass just doesn’t measure up to the gags anchoring today’s plot lines. In recent years, Stone and Parker have incurred the wrath of Scientologists, various celebrities, Catholics, and even Comedy Central itself. In “Cartoon Wars Part II,” a black box appears over a depiction of the prophet Mohammed, explaining that the network refused to broadcast the offensive image.

Since their original animation techniques often involved construction paper and scissors, Parker and Stone were forced to use jokes that were less time sensative. But with new computer programs, they are able to produce an entire episode in only three days with striking relevance to current happenings. National news such as the capture of Saddam Hussein, the 2000 presidential election, and the Elian Gonzalez debate have all been referenced just days after making headlines.

This type of immediacy has transformed South Park into a social commentary giant whose ideas and opinions imprint heavily upon a generation of young viewers. In the process, the show’s four foulmouthed protagonists have become cultural icons, invoking comparisons to the Bart Simpson phenomenon of the early 90s. And making South Park one of the most successful cartoons of all time. As the teenagers of the late 90s grew to become today’s young adults, South Park has also matured. Just like us, the show still retains its youthful exterior, still giggles at the occasional fart joke, and yet continues to pull a moral message from every chaotic situation. In the same way, the show has become more aware and concerned about pressing issues. With at least two more seasons ahead of them, Stone and Parker are sure to offend, while concurrently basking in comic absurdity.

South Park’s adults are sure to overreact while their offspring remain generally calm. Similarly, older generations in real-life will continue to scoff at the show’s edgy nature. Just remember, these are words coming from four nine-year-olds wearing parkas. Besides, they’re far too young and naive to have a valid point.

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Conservative Awareness Week:

to the victories in the GLBT community of removing anti-sodomy laws and being granted the right to marry in Massachusetts. The organization linked the increase in violence in 2004 to the President’s call to ban same-sex marriage, which they called “the demonization of lesbians and gay men in particular in the 2004 election cycle.”

Civilrights.org, a website sponsored by Leadership Conference on Civil Rights and the Leadership Conference on Civil Rights Education Fund, does not have any information available on the prevalence of hate crimes aimed towards those who identify as conservatives.

Standing up for the underrepresented Right? ethan stark

By Jenny Odegard Laura Gatz is a white female of average build, with brown hair and large eyes.

She is standing in a black jacket next to a table in front of Coffman Union, next to an arch made out of red, white, and blue balloons. The table is staffed by several other students—white males—who are also wearing the appropriate clothing for an unusually mild November afternoon. I know that I am looking for a female named Laura, and since there is only one at the table I walk towards her with confidence.

“Hi, I’m Jenny from The Wake, we spoke on the phone?” She turns and smiles, her perfectly straight white teeth gleaming next to her shimmering pink lips. Gatz is the president of CFACT, or Collegians for a Constructive Tomorrow, a national conservative action group with a branch on the U’s campus.

We decided to go inside, where we could talk with less hindrance from the wind.

In the back of Coffman, on one of the couches near the windows, I start digging into what exactly Conservative Awareness Week is. Gatz says that the primary function is to let other conservatives know that they have a place to go on campus. “Since most of the

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students and faculty are liberal, it’s hard to feel comfortable as a conservative,” she says. At times, Gatz suspects that she has been graded down for her political views, and says she has heard similar stories from friends. “We are all about opening up the marketplace of ideas that this university is supposed to be,” says Gatz.

In the real world, she says, not everyone is liberal, and students of all political ideologies should feel at home here.

The day we spoke, Wednesday, Nov. 15th, was coined as a “coming out day” for conservatives on campus. “We have been misinterpreted over the phrase ‘Conservative Coming Out Day,’” says Gatz. She says that she supports the GLBT community, despite a disclaimer after the event’s tagline—“Conservative Awareness Week: Because the GLBT’s feel more comfortable at the U than we do.” Gatz insists that “we aren’t mocking the gay community. Imitation is the highest form of flattery.”

But some students are unwilling to accept this form of flattery. A nursing student, member of the National Guard, and veteran of the Iraq war who requested he not be named, says

that he is offended by the coming out day.

“They have no idea what discrimination is. It’s really offensive that they can equate their feelings of discrimination with any other minority,” he says, going on to point out, “they’re not in the minority, they’re very privileged. Middle to upper class, typically white, the most privileged people in the U.S. For them to say that they’re coming out is ludicrous.” He also shared that he has seen firsthand the type of discrimination that gay people can face. “I’ve seen repercussions of someone coming out publicly. They were out of the military the same day … I think that there are a lot of gay people in the military because they love their country and they want to do something for it.”

Another student, Brandon Mchie, says that using the term “coming out” seems like an implicit parody, and that “being conservative is not appropriate to equate with being gay, that’s really heavy.”

The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (NCAVP) reported that in 2004, there was “a 4 percent increase in reported incidents of anti-LGBT violence … Included in rise in incidents for the year, was an 11 percent increase in anti-LGBT murders.” The NCAVP’s report on hate violence in 2003 concluded that the 26 percent increase that year was a public reaction

Tyler Jones, a member of the gay community, says that this is a “wretched comparison. There is no flattery involved here.”

He says that “they need to deal with it, having elected the president, it’s time to deal with the repercussions of what he has done. Of course they’re going to feel uncomfortable, we disagree with what has happened here.” He adds that “they are making it sound like they are refugees in war.”

Gatz wants to make sure that students understand that this event is about political ideas, and is not associated with a political party or a religious group of any kind. “We welcome students from all political identities who have conservative views. One of the things we are trying to do today is to help students identify with us and as a member of our community,” she says. The website for the event says that “The College Republicans’ members may be a part of this event, but due to fees restrictions, the club cannot technically be a part of this event due to partisanship.”

In that same vein, Gatz says that she and the other organizers are trying to get away from the negative connotation that being a Republican holds. She says that a lot of people are conservative or have many conservative viewpoints, but don’t necessarily identify with the Republican Party. “Like a lot of Minnesotans on the Iron Range, they vote Democrat, but they feel the same way we do about allowing people to carry guns and less restrictions on trade, and the removal of the welfare system,” she says.

Gatz says that she believes in the value of the dollar, and that people just need to be more responsible with their money, rather than relying on the government to support

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support them. She says that the welfare program that began with Roosevelt’s New Deal was not meant to be long term and that private enterprise and charity can take its place. “America has a social responsibility because we are on the top,” says Mchie in reaction to Gatz’s comments.

“It’s shooting ourselves in the foot to only think about the U.S.” Gatz went on to say, “Schools and teachers need to learn to be more responsible with the money that they are given.”

On the Tuesday of Conservative Awareness Week, the group focused on environmental issues. The day was called “Free Market Environmentalism Day.” Gatz discussed her organization’s stance on the global economy, stating, “we are for free trade, not fair trade.” And that while many think that caring for the environment is a liberal issue, CFACT believes that our environmental problems can be solved through the free market. I asked her about the issues involving the free trade zones and pollution, since it is widely known that factories in free trade zones are not held to any laws requiring environmental responsibility.

Gatz said that she was unaware of this issue, and that all of the information she had on the subject came from Center for American Progress, which she describes as a conservative think-tank that does independent research to support conservative viewpoints. With a huge staff of conservative scholars, Gatz says the Center is the

primary source of information for CFACT. The National Guard veteran I spoke with says that the Center sounds to him like “basically a bunch of people saying to themselves ‘how can we skew this for our purposes?’”

veteran says, “securing borders does not equal supporting our troops. Most of the troops are immigrants, so that would be totally counterintuitive.” He pointed out how vital the immigrant population is to our armed forces, and that many love this country and want to protect it.

Wednesday, as has been noted, was “Coming Out Day” for conservatives on cam-

from Students for Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. The event was advertised to run from 10:00 a.m. until 3:00 p.m. in the lower level of Coffman, but when I arrived after 2:00 pm there was no sign of CFACT or the NRA. On November 28th, CFACT will be hosting “The Inconvenient Truth Squad” with Marlo Lewis, a political scientist who

“what happens in other countries is not our problem … when we open ourselves up to helping them, we open ourselves up to deterioration.”

Gatz says that regardless of the pollution in free trade zones, “what happens in other countries is not our problem, our problems lie at home. This country is not perfect.” Gatz says that she and CFACT are opposed to plans to create a superhighway built to simplify trade between the United Sates, Mexico and Canada. She says that the third world is highly corrupt, and that “when we open ourselves up to helping them, we open ourselves up to deterioration.” She stressed the importance of the United States being more of a sovereign nation, and explained that Monday’s event had been themed as “Patriotism Day: securing our borders, supporting our troops.” The day’s activities included passing out yellow ribbons and writing notes to send overseas to troops. They also hosted speaker Ruth Hendrycks, from Minnesotans Seeking Immigration Reform.

In response to this, the National Guard

pus, which was centered around students walking through the red, white and blue balloon arch to “come out” to the public as conservatives. There was also a scheduled appearance by Jason Lewis, a Fox talk radio host, to discuss what it means to be conservative. Sue Jeffers, a former candidate for governor, was also scheduled and planned to talk about the smoking ban.

Thursday’s theme was “Education or Indoctrination?” In conjunction with distribution of the academic bill of rights, the main event planned was a teleconference with several anonymous University faculty members who were going to “act as whistle blowers without a face,” says Gatz, exposing the liberal bias in the administration. The speakers planned to discuss the discrimination they experienced as a result of their political views. Journalism and Mass Communications professor Ken Doyle was a tremendous help in organizing the event, says Gatz, adding that Doyle is a great resource for CFACT and an understanding faculty member. A member of The Wake staff attended the event, advertised to have been at 7:00 p.m. in Anderson Hall, room 250. Ethan Stark, the photo editor, reported that the room was empty except for a display of balloons, the photo of which is displayed at left.

Friday was “2nd Amendment Day,” focusing on the right to bear arms. Members of the College Republicans have been involved in an effort to allow guns into Universityowned buildings, and Friday was supposed to be a discussion of the right to bear arms. Along with this, Gatz said that there would be information from the National Rifle Association and

argues against those who say that global warming is occurring. Lewis will be speaking alongside a showing of Al Gore’s documentary An Inconvenient Truth and discussing the errors in reasoning that the scientific community and Gore have made in assessing global warming. CFACT plans a follow up to this event sometime in January, when they will throw a “global warming beach party” on Northrop Mall in their bathing suits to show campus how ridiculous it is that so many people think the world is getting warmer. Obviously, Gatz says, January is still freezing in Minnesota. She says that the event happened last winter, and was a success.

Gatz says that her political views can be summed up by a T-shirt she saw online that says “American, Conservative, Republican. In that order.” She said that it is most important to support the country, above all other ideals that she holds. After that, her conservative stances on trade, welfare, the environment, gun control and immigration are the principles she votes on. And lastly, she is a member of the Republican party, because they represent her views on a national level and fight to keep the country moving in what she feels is the right direction.

For more information about CFACT, visit www.cfactcampus.org.

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A Simple Pleasures Guide to the St. Paul Campus BY erik helin At 1:30 p.m. on Wednesday, Nov. 8, I stood in the unusually temperate fall sun calmly waiting for the Campus Connector to drop me off for my self-guided tour of the St. Paul Campus. I cordially invite you, dear reader, to follow me on my tour; with the goal to inform and educate you on the activities and destinations of our splendid sister to the east.

By 1:50 p.m., after a pleasant ride on the bus, I end up on the South exterior of the St. Paul Student Center. Stepping off of the bus, the verdure of the agriculturaleducation dominated campus is a refreshing jolt from the typically scentless East and West Banks. Turning south, I first notice the vast expanse of greenery known as “The Lawn.”

Described as “a symbolic front lawn, welcoming visitors to the campus” by the Campus Heritage Marker at the threshold of one of the Lawn’s pathways, the field is a benevolent introduction to St. Paul.

Though much of the vegetation has succumbed to the perils of autumn, the tans and saffron shades present a comfortable November setting. I travel south along one of the many well-manicured paths that slash through the lawn like a scythe, down Cleveland Avenue, then back east over the grass field toward the cow statues that reside on the corner of Eckles Avenue and Carter Avenue, observing the abundance

of squirrels preparing for the rapidly-approaching winter. Please, follow along, there is still much to see.

The statues consist of three facially nondescript black cows lying down in various positions, exemplifying the environmental consciousness of some of St. Paul’s major disciplines.

The wonderfully aromatic crimson and cream animal-tiled facilities are a delight to anyone fortunate enough to utilize them.

As I turn north onto Eckles, I pass Haecker Hall, home to the Animal Science Department. At this time, I will ask that if anyone needs a restroom break, they use the facilities of Haecker Hall; the best restrooms on either campus. The wonderfully aromatic crimson and cream animal-tiled facilities are a delight to anyone fortunate enough to utilize them.

Continuing on, I walk down the staircase just north of Haecker Hall leading to Fitch Avenue. I hike down Fitch towards the Gabbert Raptor Center, passing the construction site of the Ben Pomeroy Student-Alumni Learning Center on my right.

With a projected opening in early 2007,

the converted 1907 dairy barn will serve as additional classrooms, seminar rooms and offices for the College of Veterinary Medicine.

The further east I move along Fitch, the closer the Gabbert Raptor Center becomes.

A small, one-story building with a boxy metal façade, the Raptor Center is responsible for the treatment and rehabilitation of approximately 800 birds a year. As I enter, there is an interesting smell of wood and small animal bedding. After dwelling in the lobby for a few moments admiring the avian décor, I find the motivation to approach the front desk.

“Would you like a tour?” asks Amanda, the cheerful volunteer working behind the counter. The tour begins with a brief explanation of the Raptor Center and a look at the four viewing cages adjacent to the lobby. Amanda states that the Center is privately funded and more or less run by volunteers with the main purposes of student education and rehabilitation for injured raptors. After our brief stay inside, we exit the back door out to where the rest of the birds reside. The back display area is a complex arrangement of wooden staircases forming a pathway around the cages.

Amanda provides fascinating facts about the wide array of raptors and the manner in which they arrived at the Center. In its entirety, the tour takes merely 20 minutes, but I feel like it could have lasted much longer.

As I exit back out onto the campus, a man walks a dog nearby; the small animal hospital is close, and numerous canines can be seen throughout the area, a trend that differs greatly from the East and West Banks.

The sun shines brightly as I walk north up Gortner Avenue, then west on Buford Avenue, approaching McNeal Hall, home to the Goldstein Gallery. I trudge up the hill towards the southeast entrance, admiring the foliage of the nearby plants and trees.

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At about 2:30 p.m. I enter the back door of McNeal Hall to find numerous students meticulously working on design projects; McNeal is home to DHA, the School of Design, Housing and Apparel. Being relatively lazy, I opt to take the elevator up to the 2nd floor, the location of the Goldstein Gallery of Design.

Though the gallery consists of one modest room, it is a must-see for anyone interest-

ed in the field of fashion. The current exhibition, American Fashion Transformed: Four Master Designers, explores the work of Bill Blass, Geoffrey Beene, Norman Norell and Pauline Trigère. All of these designers flourished in post-WWII America, leaving their influence on the fashion industry. The collected work in the gallery is a captivating insight into the post-war world of fashion.

Leaving the Gallery, I walk down the stairs and out the front door of the atrium onto Buford Circle. Stay close, there is only one stop left, and it will definitely be worth your while.

I briskly trace the sidewalk west on Buford and then south on Eckles. After passing three buildings on the left, I come upon the Andrew Boss Laboratory-Meat Science Building. Pushed back from the street, the edifice appears distant. As I approach down the sidewalk, I notice numerous students eating ice cream at a picnic table.

I enter through the doors shortly after 3 p.m. and make an immediate right, taking the hallway to its near-end, until I reach room 166.

Room 166 houses the Dairy Food Products Salesroom. Each Wednesday, from 3 to 5 p.m. only, the Food Science and Nutrition Department hosts a sale of ice cream, frozen yogurt and cheese “made from production classes or from control lots of student projects for the sole purpose of recouping funds for teaching and student research projects,” according to the Department’s website.

With over 50 flavors of ice cream and frozen yogurt ranging from Green Tea to Pumpkin to Blueberry Cheesecake, at $2.50 a pint, the sale is a definite bargain.

The sale also includes well over a dozen varieties of cheeses, appealing to the Wisconsinite in all of us.

I leave the sale, ice cream and spoon in hand, and proceed down Eckles back towards the bus stop outside of the St. Paul Student Center. I ride back to the East Bank, reflecting on the multiple untapped splendors that the unappreciated St. Paul Campus has to offer. Often times the simple pleasures are the most fulfilling. I hope the tour was beneficial to you, dear reader; and yes, gratuity is always welcome.

Surprise Victory

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Democrats take control of both houses in Congress in a surprise upset, but what impact will they have?

BY elizabeth aulwes “Vote for change” was the theme Democrats picked to campaign upon in the recent election and the results show that it appealed to voters. Across the nation, Democrats picked up 15 more seats than they needed for a majority in the House of Representatives and won a narrow majority of 51 seats in the Senate when several Democratic candidates upset their Republican opponents.

At a post-election analysis sponsored by the Center for the Study of Politics and Governance , former Congressman Vin Weber and Minneapolis Mayor R.T. Rybak joined professor Lawrence Jacobs to explore “What Happened on Tuesday?” Jacobs called the election a “tropical storm, not a tsunami.” He says that national issues such as the war in Iraq and alignment with some of President Bush’s controversial policies were big factors for voters, but the results also showed the “continuing importance of local issues and personalities.”

The Minnesota governor’s race clearly demonstrated the importance of a candidate’s attitude and image. Incumbent Republican Gov. Tim Pawlenty, who barely defeated Attorney General Mike Hatch, was a very charismatic candidate, probably more so than his opponent, Rybak says.

“Personality did play out there,” he acknowledged. But, Jacobs pointed out that “clearly [Independent Peter] Hutchinson had a major impact on this race,” because he drew many otherwise Democratic voters. In many races across the country, other issues outranked personality.

Exit polls done by Edison Media Research and Mitofsky International showed that 60 percent of voters surveyed felt that national issues were the most important deciding factors. “It’s important to accurately construe what the voters said,” Weber says. He thought voters prioritized Iraq, corruption in government and associations with Bush.

So what impact will a Democrat-controlled Congress have? California Rep. Nancy Pelosi will be the first female Speaker of the House, for starters. She’s already said she plans for ethical reform, which Weber considers a hopeful sign that may lead to civility and bipartisanship.

“The polarization of the last few years was driven by Congress,” he says. So a change in power is a good sign, he says.

And the Congress will have its “power of the purse,” with which it can veto funding for military operations, to set a new direction for the war.

“My guess is that the president will change his approach pretty easily,” Weber says. “This is going to end up being a very bloody confrontation…the war could drive our politics for the

next few years.” Weber says that Republicans will possibly shy even further away from Bush now, because they will view the war as what “cost [them their] majority.”

Rybak agreed with Weber that the war was key in the election. “The fine line should not be passivity…there should be rage about what’s going on in Iraq,” he says. “The Democrats that [were] elected are Democrats that will reach across the aisle.”

The question now is whether Congress will take action to withdraw or reduce troops in Iraq. Pelosi, in interviews with CNN, has said that denying the military the funds they request is not a favorable option. She says Democrats wouldn’t want to jeopardize the well-being of the troops, so she favors diplomatic efforts to reduce U.S. involvement in Iraq.

Rybak clearly favors a withdrawal. “People’s kids are dying because this issue was spun,” he declared. “A timetable should now be set.”

“This is going to end up being a very bloody confrontation…”

Weber was skeptical if a withdrawal could even be pulled off in the remainder of Bush’s term.

“This comes to Bush at the end of his presidency,” he says. Bush is not going to look to compromise as much as past presidents, such as former presidents Clinton and Reagan, had to, because they had to deal with an opposing Congress for much of their presidencies, whereas Bush has only two years left, Weber explains.

Weber and Rybak agreed on one other thing: that fiscal issues weren’t on the table as much as they should have been in this election. Weber says that the “biggest disconnect [from voters] was the wave of spending that’s going to put us into a hole fiscally … something has to be done about that large growing problem,”. Whether it’s a tax hike, a reduction in social security benefits or cutbacks to social programs, the public is not going to be happy, he says.

Rybak blames Republicans for the debt, saying “their entitlement spending is out of control.”

He says Clinton proved that Democrats could lead the country in a responsible fiscal policy.

Fighting a war and giving large tax breaks to the wealthy is not possible without driving up the debt, Rybak asserted, which is why he’s happy to see Democrats back in control. “You can’t say Republican financial strategy in the last few years has been honest. It’s been deeply dishonest.”

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Parking Break Down: Why it costs so much to park on campus

ing rates. Most are familiar with the $62 U-Pass/Metropass that is offered each semester. “Per month what people are getting value wise is $196 and multiply that by four, for $62 for four months, students pay practically nothing for that pass,” Sienko says.

BY carrie bermel Nothing is free today, especially at the University of Minnesota. Freshman year is blurry and who knows how much money was spent that year. Sophomore year is when you become more aware of the finances because now a job is required to survive. Junior and senior year forces some to move back home with mom and dad and commute to school. This seems to be a logical thought. A free place to live, home cooked meals, free laundry services: but think again.

On top of the $62, PTS pays an additional fee to cover Metro Transit fees through their contract. That money is funded by the user fee or student service fees.

Students can also participate in a contract-parking lottery for several of the parking lots on campus. Even contract parking comes with a price, but it’s convenient and easy.

In Spring 2005, 3,883 students signed up for contract parking. Of that, 68 percent of commuters and 53 percent of residential hall students were chosen to receive contract parking spots in nearby ramps, Sienko says.

Many parents are still dizzy thinking about freshman year when all their money was spent on ridiculous party clothing and inflated textbook prices. Later in the game, a job is the solution for students, so that they can afford going to and from campus.

The new Limited Use Parking Contract has just been released. This is ideal for those students who don’t always drive to school. It costs $90 for ramps and is limited to 22 parking uses at certain areas. The contract is good for one year.

A little more money savvy, its apparent living with the parents isn’t as luxurious as one may have thought. Commuting to school can be almost as expensive as living on campus. With gas prices creeping up to $2.50 a gallon, students within range consider biking or walking to school. However, gas is not the issue here, the university’s parking rates are.

“We encourage people not to drive separately,” Sienko says.

As of this September, approximately 21,000 parking spaces are available on campus, Sienko says. Students make up the majority of the population on campus with 51,469 in Fall 2006, according to the PTS Fundamental Facts. When students, staff and faculty are combined, 32 percent drive alone to school while 7 percent carpool.

School is important but paying $900 to park is not.

For everyday student commuters, the parking rates on campus can take a toll on dwindling checking accounts. The University of Minnesota Parking and Transportation Services set the parking rate prices.

The most expensive places to park on campus are the parking ramps and garages.

However, they offer the convenience of being next to classroom buildings. But if trying to save money is your priority, then daily parking lots are the place to be.

Hourly facilities begin their rates at $2.50 for the first hour with a $12 daily maximum, or seven plus hours. Daily lots cost $3.50 and carpool lots are $2.25, for the whole day.

Once in a while, these prices wouldn’t be too bad, but think about paying five days a week. If parking at an hourly ramp, being at school for seven or more hours, five days a week, expect to pay $60 a week. For the

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whole semester or 15 weeks of school it would cost $900.

School is important but paying $900 to park is not. For 2006-2007 tuition, residential students paid per semester $4,705 for 13 or more credits. Non-residential students paid per semester $10,520 for 13 or more credits. Adding parking and tuition fees together, school is not cheap. Many options are given to students to help finance tuition, but what is given to help pay for parking costs?

Because students pay a hefty amount in tuition each year, it would seem only fair that students should get a discount on parking on campus.

Marketing Manager Mary Sienko, of the Parking and Transportation Services, says, “We try to be an equal opportunity for all, even with faculty and staff.”

PTS is a self-supporting department. The university or the government don’t help or support PTS. All revenue from parking ramps, garages and lots go toward funding the PTS, Sienko says. Each student also pays an additional $15 per semester for transportation through their student service fees. This $15 goes toward paying for the free campus shuttle, U-Pass/Metropass and other programs.

PTS offers other options to students, faculty and staff to avoid paying high park-

The number of available parking spaces has decreased due to the new university stadium. PTS is working on finding new areas to make up for the lost parking area.

To rebuild additional parking also costs money, but it’s a necessity for an overpopulated commuter campus.

Discounted parking for everybody, especially tuition-paying students, will never happen. PTS relies on money from all commuters to help finance their department but to also build more facilities. For PTS’ fiscal year of 2005-2006, they made almost $27 million. This amount may seem excessive for a transportation department but it’s all turned around to better the university parking and transportation services for its people.

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Avian Flu While the media sensation may have died down, the threat is still real BY megan dorn

Avian flu has evolved from a harmless virus in wild ducks to a deadly virus that may one day become the next catastrophic pandemic. In order to combat this infectious disease, millions of birds in Asia have been killed and a vaccine against the H5N1 strain of avian flu is under development in several countries, according to the World Health Organization.

These measures, though necessary, are not addressing the root of the problem according to Dr. Michael Greger, Director of Public Health and Animal Agriculture from the Humane Society of the United States. The next pandemic will be an unnatural disaster of our own doing, Greger says.

In a presentation given on Nov. 8 and hosted by Compassionate Action for Animals, Greger discussed how the change in farming practices over the past half a century has played a key role in the transformation of avian flu. In his new book, Bird Flu: A Virus of Our Own Hatching, he also outlines the toll an avian flu pandemic would take on the entire world.

An increase in the use of antibiotics on birds and the harsh overpopulated conditions of birds on poultry farms and in live markets prove to be the two clearest changes in the poultry farming industry, according to Greger.

In 1950, scientists announced that antibiotics make chickens grow faster. One year later, the Food and Drug Administration approved the addition of penicillin and tetracycline to animal feed in order to promote growth, Greger says. By 1970, 100 percent of all commercial poultry were being fed antibiotics.

In 1968, New Scientist magazine editorialized that the use of antibiotics to make animals grow faster should be abolished altogether. Also, the inventor of penicillin himself told the New York Times in 1945 that inappropriate use of antibiotics could lead to the selection of “mutant” forms resistant to the drugs, Greger says in his book.

“Mutating is what influenza viruses do best,” Greger says. The problem begins when they mutate into an antibiotic resistant strain of the virus. When birds receive the antibiotics, the majority of the viruses are killed. However, the strong strains that have developed a resistance will spread and multiply. This leads to a widespread and ever-growing resistance to antibiotics, causing any medical arsenal we may have had against avian flu to become useless, according to Greger.

In an effort to suppress a major avian flu outbreak, Chinese chicken farmers gave their livestock the human drug amantadine. Amantadine is an antiviral drug that

was meant to protect people if an avian flu pandemic were to ever occur. But in 2004, researchers determined that the H5N1 strain of bird flu had become resistant to this human drug due to the virus’s mutation, Greger says.

This increased use of antibiotics in birds is not the only change the poultry farming industry has undergone in the past half a century. The cramming of thousands of birds into small cages, stacking them on top of each other and warehousing them in confining spaces are other changes.

Greger describes this lifestyle as a breeding ground for disease. These birds are living in overcrowded, filthy quarters, causing them to experience a great deal of stress and correspondingly increase their vulnerability towards disease.

“Highly concentrated poultry and pig farming, in conjunction with traditional live animal or ‘wet’ markets, provide optimal conditions for increased mutation, reassortment and recombination of influenza viruses,” Greger says.

This results in the rapid spread of disease first within the farm, and then out into the world.

This emergence and spread of disease does not happen in sparsely populated, open-air farms. “There has never been recorded a virulent strain of avian flu coming from an outside flock of chickens,” Greger says.

“We need to change the ways animals live,” Greger says. “This is not how animals were supposed to live.”

“We need to change the ways animals live,” Greger says. “This is not how animals were supposed to live.”

If we do not, we may unleash the most devastating pandemic to date. In 1918, a “Spanish flu” pandemic, a strain similar to avian flu, killed more people in 25 weeks then AIDS has in 25 years, according to Greger. However, that 1918 strain of flu had a less than 5 percent mortality rate. The H5N1 strain of avian flu currently spreading across the globe has about a 50 percent mortality rate, Greger says. If an H5N1 avian flu pandemic were to break out, it would be ten times as deadly as the worst plague in human history.

“The bottom line is, humans have to think about how they treat their animals,” Greger says. However, he is fearful that that will not happen until a post-pandemic world.

jeremy sengly

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Literary/

I am a Real Man

By Macks markin I am a real man.

I know

I want scolding black coffee, and ice cold showers.

AIDS, and heart attacks.

I want heartbreak to physically break hearts again,

everything.

I am a good Christian.

I know that the Great Gatsby is trash.

I want impenetrable fences built along all borders.

That Fitzgerald had a money fetish, and no more class than,

I want hone$t politicians, and dirt

Charles Manson,

some good ol’ blackmail, and genocide.

poor royalty.

And no talent.

I want all cell phones broken, right now.

They had a knack to,

All tires slashed,

engage an audience.

All windows smashed

English majors who dig symbolism,

with bare fists,

And teen rebels who hate their parents,

right now.

All cream themselves simultaneously.

blood, right now.

I don’t, I laugh,

I want a fur coat made from something endangered, and

Warm blood in my bucket of popcorn chicken.

“pathetic!”, I cry.

I want a Greek goddess with anorexia.

Give me:

I want a bi-partisan federal

Bukowski, and raw meat.

Season it with pepper spray, MSG, and aspartame.

Give me grain alcohol, LSD, and Ol’ Dirty Bastard.

I want to wage nuclear war with the rest of the world.

I want:

I will write love letters to the enemy, and

trench warfare, heroin, and orgasms.

agenda for total chaos.

Suicide notes signed, Jesus Christ and Elvis Presley

I want hardcore pornography, Shakespearean tragedy, and pyrotechnics.

I would have paid Judas off in store credit.

I want hydroponic marijuana, Needles, and mentholated cigarettes.

I am the idle idol.

I want cancer, photographs of the deceased

I am a modern man.

Literary Events Who: Taner Akcam What: The professor discusses ‘A Shameful Act: The Armenian Genocide and the Question of Turkish Responsibility When: Wednesday, Nov. 29th, 7:30 pm.

Where: Nolte Hall (U of M), FREE Who: Keith and Rosemarie Waldrop What: Poetry; translations; collaborations.

When: Thursday, Nov. 30th, 7 pm.

Where: Walker Art Center, FREE Who: Making Music Series: Anthony Davis

16/29 November–5 December 2006

What: Ant from Atmosphere discusses, with host JG Everest.

When: Thursday, Nov. 30th, 8 pm.

Where: The Whole Music Club (Coffman Union), FREE Who: Bill Miessner What: The author discusses ‘The Road to Cosmos.’

When: Friday, Dec. 1st, 7:30 pm.

Where: Magers & Quinn Booksellers, FREE Who: Elizabeth Berg

What: The author discusses ‘The Handmaid and the Carpenter.’

When: Sunday, Dec. 3rd, 7 pm.

Where: Barnes and Noble, Edina (in the Galleria), FREE Who: U of M MFA reading What: Graduate student reading.

When: Wednesday, Dec. 6th, 7 pm.

Where: The Loft Literary Center, FREE

\ Literary

Step O’er the Mississippi

BY MACKS MARKIN I could write of the great divides.

Than our weary.

Prophecy, and pharmaceuticals…

In America.

Here I am speaking again,

I will be on the cover your magazines,

Or the Americas.

Naively, foolishly, of the divide.

I will enter living rooms and shit in T.V. Dinners

But, rather.

And on which side am I.

Replace them with prime rib and sweet corn,

I’d like to be with my selfish right now.

I would like to alter my state,

I still must get up,

Place medals of Honor, across the bloated hearts of the obese.

Of being, legally, Become officially obliterated.

One night only.

Thanks folks, I’ll be here all week.

Herbert Hoover said: Blessed be the young, For they will inherit our national debt.

I say, Blessed be the embryos, For we value their lives more than our own, Than our poor.

Than our tired.

And carry out my duties.

And carry out the trash.

I must face the faces, I still must deface, to save face, Public places. With a spray can, I will rise, to alpha male status, And forget the void behind me,

Simply overwhelming.

Trying to play- A childs game

intertwined, pop culture,

Thinking of my future.

That changed all mankind.

I picture father’s face,

Is paid,

And realize,

to try,

That I’ve

To change my mind.

Liked the Nobel Prize.

Since always.

I’m trying in turn, to turn

It carved my smile.

This Indian summer,

The prize that’s never,

And unwrap confusion.

With just you and,

fuck blindfold,

Like the pictures flashing

my, Shaking,

on all four walls,

Hands as my, case against apathy.

That the boy’s black pupil,

It’s in flames

Thank You! to all who came to the Open-Mic Saturday, Nov. 18th!

Keep Writing! Share your hard work! jduellman@wakemag.org HOW TO: Submitting is easy! Send your poems, short stories or suggestions to jduellman@wakemag.org Attach your work using Microsoft Word and also include your piece in the body of the e-mail. Any accompanying illustrations must be sent at 300 DPI. Still have concerns? We are also available to meet in person to workshop your creative work. Just send an e-mail to set an appointment. We don’t bite... hard

My state, fair

Wisconsin, is

From Radiation Roy.

That inanimate,

Says, we must try to stay happy.

Not at all condescending,

A sublime meld,

Magnifies.

Not to be brash

I will be ecstatic, plastic sunshine,

BY Macks Markin

Laughter sickly rises.

And eat social workers for breakfast.

a hindrance, behind me.

The Mediums that Raised Me

Advertised.

I will tear compassion a new ass hole.

Frying, but ma

Mushroom-

\17

www.wakemag.org

Photography/

Lo Specchio by Angie Myhre

18/29 November–5 December 2006

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Free Lunch and Mural viewing of OM’S LAW, on how to cleanup pollution in a hurry, cheap and easy, safe and sane. From scrap. Daily 11:00 am to noon inside and outside at the Pillsbury-Waite House by the painted Rockfish at 13th and 26th ST S, in Phillips. come, or be hungry.

ARIZ ANON

\19

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