The Wake Issue 8 Fall 2006

The Weekly Student Magazine of the University of Minnesota

/ volume 5 / issue 8 / 25 October–1 November 2006

Editorial/ Editor-in-Chief Jenny Odegard

Managing Editor Eric Price

Athletics Editor Craig Rentmeester

Campus Editor Sarah Howard

Literary Editor Jacob Duellman

Sound & Vision Editor Kristen Mueller

Voices Editor Cole Dennis

Editorial Assistants Alyssa Cogan, Dan Olmschenk, Lyndsey Danberry

Senior Staff Writers Elizabeth Autwes, Rachel Drewelow

PRODUCTION/ Production Manager Jeremy Sengly

Art Director Sam Soule

Photography Editor Ethan Stark

Web Editor Luke Preiner

Copy Editors Kelly Frush, Erin Lavigne, Rachel Levitt, Tammy Quan, Morgon Mae Schultz

Graphic Designers Dave Hagen, Eric Price, Becki Schwartz, Jeremy Sengly, Krista Spinti

BUSINESS/ Business Manager Angela Damiani

Office Manager Elizabeth Keely Shaller

Advertising Executive Now hiring!

Public Relations Director Cassie Benson

Advertising Intern Tyler Jones

Public Relations Interns Marlys Huismann, Alison Traxler, Julie Veternick

THIS ISSUE/ Cover Artist Dave Hagen Illustrators Dave Hagen, Alex Judkins, Jeremy Sengly Photographers Ethan Stark

Š2006 The Wake Student Magazine. All rights reserved.

Established in 2002, The Wake is a weekly independent magazine produced by and for the students of the University of Minnesota. The Wake is a registered student organization.

Contributing Writers John Anderson, Elizabeth Aulwes, Carrie Bermal, Carl Carpenter, Lyndsey Danberry, Janessa Dohsse, Rachel Drewelow, Heather Harrington, Macks Markin, Kristen Mueller, Jenny Odegard, Eric Price, Craig Rentmeester

The Wake Student Magazine 1313 5th St. SE Minneapolis, MN 55414 (612) 379-5952 • www.wakemag.org The Wake was founded by Chris Ruen and James DeLong.

Dear Readers, The Wake is five years old! Hooray! You might have noticed this on the cover. Another place that you can notice it is at the Dinkytowner on Thursday (October 26). Things start happening at 9:00 when the doors open. Shortly thereafter we will have The Teeth playing a set and some music for dancing will be provided by DJ Sovietpanda.

Then the real crying and snuggling begins when Cowboy Curtis takes the stage. For those not perfectly versed in Wake history, they were the first band that we featured five short years ago. Group hug.

Naked Stages/12 On an Uptown stage surrounded by black velvet curtains, performance artist Kim Thompson wonders—how did she travel from a doorstep in South Korea into the home of her new conservative Christian family in Florida, only to leave that home, travel the world and come out queer?

SOUND & VISION/04 PHOTOGRAPHY/09 VOICES/10 CAMPUS/14 ATHLETICS/18 LITERARY/20 BASTARD/23

Even if this is the first issue you have picked up, The Wake wants to get to know you. So come to the Dinkytowner and introduce yourself.

See you Thursday!

Hearts and Hugs, JENNY ODEGARD Editor-in-Chief

Sound & Vision/

04/25 October – 1 November 2006

\ Sound & Vision

ethan stark

By Katie Mae Kohlbeck Smokers gather outside the Triple Rock Social Club, enjoying the brisk air and taking a break from the packed club. They were waiting to see Dosh and celebrate the release of his latest album “The Lost Take.”

“Excuse me, pardon me,” says a college-aged woman, holding a drink. “I’m not trying to shove anybody. I just have to get to the other side.”

As the fan squeezes her way through the crowd to catch a closer look of Dosh and the band on stage, a man in a newsboy cap positions himself in the back of the room by the bar, closing his eyes as the band’s first notes trickle in.

Dosh, accompanied by a bass, guitar, keyboard, violin, drums and saxophone, begins the show with a whimsical, peaceful number. The sound they produce is an ideal soundtrack for a person strolling through a vast, open prairie against an endless blue sky or for relaxing on a Sunday afternoon.

The man in the newsboy cap does not sway from position during the passionately played opening song. When the crowd erupts into applause, the man claps with outstanding vigor—eyes still closed.

Soul and passion are perfect words to describe Dosh’s performance. A few songs in, he takes a moment to thank everyone for making it out to the show. He continues, “You know, people always ask me what it is I exactly do. And I say, ‘I make beats, yo!’”

The crowd chuckles and the eccentric musician begins dropping electro pulses into the set, while the band adds mellow and haunting notes.

As the band took a short break to leave Dosh fending for himself, the crowd erupted in applause, shouting, “Dosh is God!” Clearly, Dosh’s heavenly sounds have entered the soul, where they’re guaranteed to leave a deep impression.

Categorizing Dosh’s sound is easier said than done. The eccentric mix would probably be filed under “rock” in your local record store, but the latest album showcases more. It’s an intriguing blend of hip-hop, jazz, electro and rock that creates an experimentalist sound all its own.

Dosh’s style is an eclectic journey and watching the crowd’s reactions to the music is as interesting as the mu-

sic itself. It’s their expressions and feelings that create the experience. While some bobbed their heads slowly, others were on the dance floor grinding.

Despite his musical genius, Dosh admits just how normal he is, telling the crowd that when he was practicing in his basement he became so nervous he had an out-of-body experience. With the help of his band, who he claims only practiced with him for three or four hours, his nerves were calmed. Judging by the fans, nobody would have been able to tell that he was nervous. With that confession off his chest, Dosh got the crowd involved.

“OK, we’re going to make a loop right now,” he said, handing a microphone down to people in the front row.

“Just pass the mic around and say something with one syllable.”

Sounds like “Wooo,” “Yeah,” and “Ick” become an on-thespot loop. “See, anybody can help make a loop,” Dosh said to his honorary music collaborators.

Dosh’s style balances simple overtones with more complex elements, and the end result is utter perfection, thanks to the passion that he puts into his art.

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Come celebrate our anniversary with us!

Cowboy Curtis The Teeth DJ Sovietpanda Thursday, October 26 | The Dinkytowner 9pm | 18+ | $3 | $3 drink specials

\ Sound & Vision

Please, No More “Sexy” Nurses

dave hagen

The Wake examines Halloween costume choices

Frightening Faux Pas Jump off the bandwagon: It may hurt at first, but you’ll be a better person for it. Promise. Here are the top three Halloween trends not to follow.

1. Wearing anything related to ninjas or pirates. Third grade was fun, and Johnny Depp is hot, but that does not make it okay to bust out these tired outfits.

Exception: If you all gather on a frat house lawn and pummel each other with beanbags, then write into Network the next day and brag about beating your masked and eye-patched foes, I’ll take it all back.

Bonus points: Screw the fighting and use those peg legs as baseball bats for a pick-up game of Ninjas vs.

Pirates.

2. Any traditional costume (angel, nurse, kitten) with the word “sexy” added to the front. Or anything involving animal ears, a corset and fishnets. (Thanks, Mean Girls.)

3. Outfits bought in plastic bags. It’s the equivalent of buying bagged spinach. And you saw where that gets people.

By Kristen Mueller All Hallows Eve is the one night a year you can let out your inner lobster, trashy pop star, or David Bowie drag queen and prance across campus wearing red socks clipped to your arms, a Denny’s shirt and apron while carrying baby doll heads by the synthetic hair, or suctioned into a short dress and gobs of makeup, respectively—without facing questioning stares (or accusations of being a theater major).

This October, The Wake wants to make sure you choose your costume carefully. To do so, we’ve pounced on everyone from computer geeks to the thespian couple sitting in my kitchen, and asked them for examples of the good, the bad, and the downright disturbing outfits they’ve seen (or donned) in public. Here’s what they had to say.

Jessica Frieburg, undecided sophomore: “The new thing this year is Steve Irwin costumes.”

syringes dangling off. I was [also] a bum,” he continues, by wearing a trench coat lined with photo albums holding pictures of Harry Truman.

Kate Nelsen, Japanese sophomore: “Someone went as the guy who’s ‘Thinking Arby’s.’”

Marie Kleinschmidt, theater senior: “Giant penises. That’s all you see in Madison on State Street.”

Buddy, theater senior: “Dress as a big hairy toe. Then when people ask, say you’re a camel toe.”

More favorites include a giant sardine made of tinfoil, “nerdy friends” that went as a “blue-screen of death,” a mushroom that “ended up looking like a giant phallus,” and a big vagina suit. Now that’s equality.

Charles Borcherg, computer engineering senior: “Toxic waste. It’s hard to explain. It’s a pollution-type thing with

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Sound & Vision/

Movie Review

The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill

courtesy of wildparrotsfilm.com

By Lyndsey Danberry A flock of wild birds, a struggling musician and a very long pony tail help to tell one man’s of story caring for a flock of rare conures in The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill, a documentary by Judy Irving showing this month at the Bell Museum of Natural History.

When I was “bad” as a child I was sent to my room. When Mingus is a bad bird he is sent outside. But Mark Bittner, with a scruffy beard, thick glasses and overgrown hair that he has pledged not to cut until he finds a girlfriend, can’t leave his conure Mingus outside for too long. “He is utterly terrified of being forced to leave,” Bittner says.

Wild birds like Mingus, not native to San Francisco, or the United States for that matter, are Bittner’s closest friends. He knows most of the 45 parrots in the flock near his home by name. He can distinguish them by a groove down the side of their beak, an orange feather that should be red or a particular behavior. Some call him the Saint Francis of Telegraph Hill.

Bittner found the rare wild birds while caretaking for a couple’s home on San Francisco’s Telegraph Hill. It was a bag of sunflower seeds that helped him find his first parrot. Bittner, originally from Seattle, moved to San Francisco in the ’70s to become a musician. After nearly 15 years of struggling Bittner discovered the flock near his home and became “the bird man,” feeding, befriending and healing a rare species of cherry-headed conures.

It was a group of four that started his flock. A bird Bittner calls Connor, and his mate, Katherine, were two of this quartet. Of the 45 birds they have grown to, Connor is the only original member left.

08/25 October – 1 November 2006

Bittner feeds all the birds daily, but he does have his favorites. Mingus is his live-in bird, who he assumes at one time had another owner. Sophie and Picasso are “in love,” he suspects; and Connor is the only blue-crowned conure who is not treated well by the others. Connor tolerates the others, and even protects them when hawks appear, but according to Bittner, he is sad because he can’t find a new mate. Bittner filled us in on a secret—that he believes Connor has a crush on Sophie. “They would have purpleheaded babies,” Bittner jokes. “I would love to see purple headed babies in the flock.”

After nearly 15 years as a struggling musician Bittner discovered the flock near his home and became “the bird man.”

Unlike most birds, the cherry-headed conures stay with their young for almost a year. Even when the baby wants out, the parents stuff it back in—kind of like a teenager.

Once the baby is strong enough that the parents can’t keep it in the nest anymore, the parents step out of the way as the baby flies out.

Pushkin and Olive are another couple in the flock. The two had just started a family, but after Olive came off the nest and the babies were born, she started appearing ill.

After falling out of the tree and onto her back, Bittner realized she wasn’t going to make it and brought her into the house. Pushkin, who had never been a father, raised the babies on his own.

No one knows how the birds, probably from Peru, ended up in San Francisco. There are a number of urban legends. A truck delivering birds to the pet store had an accident and all the birds escaped, one man says. They flew off of a ship, maybe from South America, another lady guesses. Maybe the birds were originally pets but they were too loud so they were released, others believe. It is a mystery to most, but a miracle for Bittner.

The director, Judy Irving, started as a young bird watcher thanks to her grandfather. He taught her how to feed birds out of her hand. “Time would stop” she says. It was the influence of her grandfather that made Irving curious in Bittner’s work, and pushed her decision to create the documentary. A documentary, in my opinion, you won’t want to miss. These birds are unique because they are so much like us; a love triangle, a single father, a spoiled live-in and a social outcast. Their personalities, their behaviors and their relationships are astounding to see and the way Bittner associates with them is heartwarming.

At the end of the movie Bittner cuts his hair—Judy and he had become a pair.

The Wild Parrots of Telegraph Hill will be screened at the Bell Museum on Oct. 26, followed by a discussion led by local community group leaders and University researchers; bellmuseum.org, pelicanmedia.org/ Film.html.

\ Photography

Photography by Christine Lenzen Suspensions by Verno of Visual Addiction

Suspensions date back thousands of years as a form of worship for different Hindu and Native American sects. The ultimate goal of these rituals was to explore the connection between the body and spirit. In our culture, the body does not belong to the spirit that resides within. Instead the body belongs to God and our government regulates what we can do with it. Today, body suspension is more about taking our bodies back and relearning the connection between the body and spirit. It is about regaining control over our bodies by experiencing the complete surrender of it.

For more information on body suspension or body modification please contact Verno at Visual Addiction 651.227.3578.

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Voices/

Students Packing Heat Some say “yes,” others would like to avoid an increase in gunshot wounds BY john anderson

As you may have noticed, our campus made the news fairly often in the past month and half the coverage hasn’t been flattering. Since the start of Sept., assaults on students has been a pretty popular activity—10 people have been assaulted since the opening weekend of school. According to the University of Minnesota Police Department website, there was just one aggravated assault and one simple assault for Sept. 2005. This may lead some people to think the safety of our campus is going to the crapper, which it very well may be. But I don’t think it’s time to start taking in wild suggestions for reckless policies. Our campus isn’t that dangerous. I can almost guarantee that you’re not going to get shot in your classes.

Well, at least not yet.

But as of late, a certain on-campus political group is working hard to make that a possibility. According to a Sept. 27 Star Tribune article, the College Republicans and a firearm instruction group were circulating a petition among students asking President Robert Bruininks and University regents to do away with policies which make it illegal to carry firearms on campus.

According to the same Star Tribune article, Bethany Dorobiala, chairwoman of the College Republicans, was quoted saying she thought that allowing students to carry guns “improves the odds and makes people feel safer and would deter potential attackers.”

Alright, alright, everybody settle down, just hold on a second. This is where some of us need to remain rational.

Yes, I agree, getting punched in the face sucks and muggings are not nearly as pleasant as, say, a cherry tart, but

10/25 October – 1 November 2006

putting guns in the hands of students will solve nothing. You don’t just let people carry around guns to “solve” their problems—despite what the state of Minnesota thinks. This isn’t the post-Revolutionary War era when the Second Amendment actually had a relevant purpose.

Packing heat may make you feel safer, but isn’t it possible to shoot someone unintentionally? I mean, you’re carrying around a loaded weapon. They are obviously meant

Our campus isn’t that dangerous. I can almost guarantee that you’re not going to get shot in your classes.

Well, at least not yet. to kill and they don’t always kill who they’re supposed to.

There are lots of idiots who accidentally shoot themselves every year. Why should we let the few paranoid students endanger an entire classroom?

And exactly how effective is carrying around a gun for protection? By the time you clearly recognize that someone is after you, you would have a slim margin of time to take out a gun. What happens when your attacker has a gun too?

You’re screwed if you’re thinking paper-rock-scissors.

Don’t worry though, Republican logic says to embrace the “I’ll-Shoot-You-Before-You-Shoot-Me” strategy.

It becomes obvious after contemplating the efficacy of a new student gun policy that sensible decisions need to be

made by students, the University, the city of Minneapolis and the state of Minnesota to address the recent string of attacks. Decisions like preemptive protection by students, non-gun wielding policies by the University and the addition of more police by the city and the state would prevent more assaults.

There have been more police forces near campus on weekend nights, but after talking to Lt. Chuck Miner of the U of M Police Department, the extra police are part of a grant program aimed at combating underage drinking, not addressing assaults.

Inspector Robert Skorma of the Second Precinct of the Minneapolis Police Department informed me that it’s hard for the department to tell whether underage drinking or assaults are more dangerous for the city, citing the potential threat drunken drivers may pose. But in the end, Inspector Skorma said the department is focusing on underage drinking rather than assaults because the grant money they received from the city and the state is to be used specifically for targeting underage drinking.

I suggest anybody who disagrees with the priorities of our local government to take action with your words. It won’t come to the point where we’ll need to pull out our Glocks for legitimate protection, hopefully, but we don’t need to see how far our government will let it go.

Note: The Wake attempted to get in contact with members of the College Republicans, but we were not lucky enough to find one to contribute to this week’s issue. If you are a campus Republican, or know one that would like to add to the discussion of students wielding firearms, contact Jenny at jodegard@wakemag.org.

\ Voices

Pop Quizzes: Why I Go to Class BY janessa dohsse I hate pop quizzes. I truly despise them. I’m pretty sure that they annoy me more than anything I have encountered in any of my classes. I might hate group projects and having to going to the library slightly more than pop quizzes, but that’s neither here nor there.

I am sad to share with you that pop quizzes are currently my main motivation to go to class. Enthusiastic professors? Interesting lectures? Reputable guest speakers?

Nope. None of the above. Pop quizzes are what get me out of bed in the morning.

In an academic sense, pop quizzes serve one function and one function only; they are to get students to come to class. If professors make sure to include in the syllabus (in bold print) that they will be giving pop quizzes throughout the semester, they will never have to worry about the steady decrease in class size that is all too commonly seen as the semester moves on.

Why is it that I hate pop quizzes with such passion? First, pop quizzes make it impossible for me to miss class. I really am not as lazy as I may make myself appear, I swear, but I think we can all agree that there are times when going to class is much less beneficial than doing other things. Like studying for a test, finishing up an assignment for another class, getting ice cream — you name it!

It’s not that I don’t like going to class; it’s just that I loathe the fact that I always feel guilty even missing a single one in case the professor happens to give a pop quiz that day.

When I say that pop quizzes make you read, I am not talking about the kind of reading that students do while simultaneously watching Date My Mom and stalking their friends on Facebook.

Not only do pop quizzes force you to come to class, they also make you read. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that reading is bad or that as students we shouldn’t have to do it. Tell me. What’s wrong with skimming? When I say that pop quizzes make you read, I am not talking about the kind of reading that students do while simultaneously watching Date My Mom and stalking their friends on Facebook. I am talking about REALLY reading, the kind of reading many students here at the U have yet to do.

In order to be prepared for an unannounced quiz, you will likely have to beg your roommates to refrain from making any noise other than breathing, lock yourself in your room with your computer and television remote far from reach and get out that dusty highlighter that hasn’t been used since, well, never.

When you are all done reading, you’ll probably have to read it again just to make sure that you didn’t miss anything. Also, don’t forget to highlight important information. What you should actually do is highlight everything

in the chapter because you never really know what’s going to end up on that quiz. You might as well just memorize it all too. Just in case. Are you having fun yet?

Pop quizzes also make me detest my professors. We all know the kind of professors that give pop quizzes. The crappy ones. The reason these professors have to give pop quizzes is that their classes are either not interesting enough or just downright boring. No one would come to class if it wasn’t for the chance having of a pop quiz.

By including pop quizzes as a part of the curriculum, professors know that they don’t need to make their lectures interesting because you will keep on coming to class anyway.

What if, for some compelling reason, you were unable to make it to class the day your professor gave a pop quiz?

Well, that’s too bad for you. It’s a rare occasion when a professor is sympathetic enough to excuse students from a pop quiz or give them an opportunity to make-up the quiz. Hospital visits and death of a family member are likely the only two reasons that warrant missing a pop quiz. If you miss the quiz and want to try your luck at a make-up, you will need to wear your hospital bracelet or bring in the program from the funeral. Professors don’t usually give students the benefit of the doubt, especially the ones that give pop quizzes.

So here’s to you, wise professors, for getting my ass out of bed each morning in order to attend your class. Not only have you succeeded in ensuring my attendance, you have made me an expert in your course’s material. Kudos.

Jackass.

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W

hy are you here? No, really. How did everything in your life align to lead you into this very moment? Destined at conception, or maybe at birth, to one day be in this city, at this newsstand, or at this website, reading this magazine? How did you get here?

Maybe more importantly, why?

In a solo performance memoir held Oct. 19-21, artist Kim Thompson explored similar questions about herself. On an Uptown stage surrounded by black velvet curtains and graffiti-laced walls, Thompson wonders—how did she travel from a doorstep in South Korea into the home of her new conservative Christian family in Florida, only to leave that home, travel the world and come out queer?

12/25 October – 1 November 2006

listen to her pray for forgiveness as a young child and her decision to become a missionary. Later she takes the audience with her when she first kisses a girl and quickly feels denial about it. Her God-fearing parents think homosexuality is a sin, she explains. She tells us of how she spent three years as an alcoholic in Europe. She takes us into the eventual divorce of her parents and tells us that, “the loss of family, no matter how disjointed, hit hard.”

Audience member and artist Katie Vang said the performance was an example of “artists who bless the world with a gift, by sharing a real piece of themselves with their audiences. Not a lot of people can do that.”

Thompson’s “Timeline autobiographia: everything that is…” performance at Intermedia Arts asked the central question, “How did I end up like this?” Many audience members likely left wondering the same question about their own lives.

Thompson echoes the sentiment, saying that her performance seems “very self-centered because it’s about my life.” However, she still wants her experience to personally affect those watching. “I hope everyone leaves and asks themselves ‘how did I end up this way?’”

“Sometimes I wonder how far it is we have to travel to come back to ourselves,” Thompson repeats during the powerful self-exploration that includes spoken word, dancing, visual imagery, audience interaction, music and a multimedia slide show presenting photographs and sound bites from her past.

The intriguing performance intricately intertwined a range of human emotions, from comedy to despair and from love to confusion, ultimately begging the question, “What are we results of?” Our choices? Our uncontrollable destiny? Our environment?

Bouncing back and forth through time, Thompson takes the audience through her recollections, exploring how she fit into her own life and why it played out the way it did. She takes us into her Evangelical family and the private school where her teacher mixed up three Asian girls’ names. She lets us

“I did not call Europe. I did not call the crossing of the Atlantic, just as I did not call America from that hospital doorstep in Seoul. These things and these places called me,” Thompson states. “Anything is possible when you’re born an orphan,” she reflects of her life travels, musing that she ar-

rived on earth by way of a “silver stork with jetpacks beneath its wings.” A stork that would fly her to Korea, Florida, Europe and back again.

In an especially emotionally diverse scene, Thompson morphs into herself on her 30th birthday, where she ponders the same question she does on all of her birthdays: “Who is my mother? Does she think about me? … Or am I forgotten to her?” Thompson says to herself, “I am without beginnings… how can you miss a, a phantom?”

Thompson asks how she can know what to expect of herself when she doesn’t know her biological parents. What will she look like when she’s older? Where did she get her personality traits? What is in store for her?

“Did he hit you or did he hold you?” she asks her mother of her father. “And who’s the drama queen, you know, who did I get that one from? Because, I’ve got to know!” “Who’s the addictive personality and, you know, why’d you have to pass that onto me?” She demands. “And who’s the cynic sarcastic beast or is that one just, uh, you know, environmental?”

“Sometimes I wonder how far it is we travel until we come back to ourselves.”

“Momma, who’s the queer? Tell me the truth, cause I know that someone in this DNA that you gave me is. I mean, I can’t keep being the only one in every family,” she asks in a quieter voice.

In a humorous scene, Thompson reminds us again that she was “left on a doorstep, adopted and raised by a wild pack of Evangelical Christian republicans.”

Her Baptist high school held banquets in lieu of proms.

“Same dress-up and same food, but no dancing. Because we were taught that dancing leads to sex,” she says. In Bible class, Thompson says, students learned of the horrors of prom via videos. The videos showed the treacherous things that would happen to girls who went to prom, Thompson explains. Prom leads to premarital sex and premarital sex leads to life in a trailer park with your baby and their face full of SpaghettiOs. Or without a baby but a terrible unnamed STD instead. These girls have nothing left to say except, “Prom was supposed to be a special night.”

Thompson did not end up fitting into this conservative Christian mold, as she shows in her performance. In a dramatic culminating scene, Thompson dances while her spoken word recording plays with family and past photos flash in the background amidst alternating text of anti-homosexual rhetoric and responses. The audio says that it was “always the changes… unable to resist the call of time.” She repeats, “Sometimes I wonder how far it is we travel until we come back to ourselves.”

Thompson stopped by Minneapolis about four years ago, after making her way from Seoul to Palm Beach Florida, to England, Austria, Lithuania and more of Europe.

A relative newcomer to the Twin Cities art scene, she has performed at Patrick’s Cabaret, the Blue Nile and the Loft Literary Center, among other spots. She also co-created the now defunct S.A.F.E. program (Starving Artists Financial Endeavors) with Twin Cities spoken word and hip-hop artist Desdamona.

Thompson is a professional artist who works in many mediums—painting, photography, writing, printmaking and spoken word. Writing is her favorite pastime at the moment, she says, but she has visual art on permanent display in parts of Europe, including Austria and Lithuania.

“I like to learn as much as possible in all different mediums, so I can move fluidly through them,” Thompson explains.

Expect new work from her for quite a bit longer too. “I don’t want to retire—ever.”

She never wants to quit creating art and she’s not sure if she’ll ever quit wandering the world or whether she’ll settle in Minneapolis for good.

She just might still have that silver stork, the one with jet packs beneath its wings, waiting for her.

Thompson’s performance was directed by Laurie Carlos, under a Naked Stages grant and mentorship sponsored by Intermedia Arts and the Jerome Performance Art Commissioning Program.

Naked Stages II runs Nov. 9-11 at 8 p.m. at Intermedia Arts, 2822 Lyndale Ave. S. The double-billed performances include “Dirty Bones: On Being White and Other Lies (History and Medicine)” by Ellen Marie Hinchcliffe and “Mirror, Mirror,” by Katie Herron. Tickets are $12, and the 9th is ‘pay what you can’ night; intermediaarts.org

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Campus/

Decision Time November elections mean you can speak your voice BY elizabeth aulwes In case you missed the barrage of political commercials on TV and the radio lately, or if this semester you don’t have one of those professors who enjoys getting up on his or her soapbox to lecture about the importance of getting involved in your community, or, if you somehow managed to dodge all of those ever-present student activists distributing highlighter-colored flyers on the Washington Avenue Bridge or in Coffman, someone should remind you that there is an election coming up. It’s on Nov. 7. And you should vote.

Here come all of the excuses: I don’t care about politics. Politicians are all the same anyhow. I don’t even know where to vote.

If your tuition skyrockets again or the draft is reinstated and you’re sent to North Korea... you can still proudly proclaim that you didn’t vote because you don’t care.

No one is going to convince you that you should care about politics. If your tuition skyrockets again or the draft is reinstated and you’re sent to North Korea or the snowplowers go on strike this winter and you have to walk two miles to school in sub-zero temperatures because the buses aren’t running and your car tires are stuck in three feet of snow, you can still proudly proclaim that you didn’t vote because you don’t care. Likewise, no one can prove to you that politicians aren’t all the same.

Keith Ellison, Alan Fine and Tammy Lee, all Martin Sabo successor hopefuls, surely have the same records, experience, values and stances on the issues. Well wait, who are they, anyhow? And lastly, you’re right: it is impossible to learn where you’re supposed to vote. Or is it?

Not all students vote at Coffman, as some may think, but you definitely can vote in

14/25 October – 1 November 2006

brennan vance & sam soule

your neighborhood. Minneapolis is divided into wards and precincts, neither of which really makes any difference to the average voter. But these boundaries do determine your polling location. The easiest way to find out where you vote is to go to this website: pollfinder.sos.state.mn.us.

Students also have the option of voting in their hometowns if they’ve maintained a permanent address there.

In order to vote, you do need to register.

Fortunately, Minnesota is one of only six states that allows same-day voter registration, according to Demos, a non-parti-

san public policy organization. Students can bring a photo I.D. with a current address, or can use a picture I.D. with certain documents that state your address.

Acceptable documents include a utilities bill or school registration or fee statement, provided the bill or statement is less than 30 days old. You can also have a resident of your precinct vouch for you on election day. So you and your roommate who has all the utilities bills in their name can go to the polls together and they can verify your residence.

Still not convinced how easy it really is?

Well, then let someone guilt you into it.

Jim Forrey, of Democracy Matters, says, “It’s our job to participate or democracy doesn’t work.” There, you don’t want to let anyone down, now do you?

\ Campus

The Land of Inequality U of M Professor’s new book describes the U.S. wealth divide

alex judkins

BY carrie bermel More than likely the United States will never be one nation for liberty and justice for all. Everyday, people are divided into race, class and gender, but wealth is also added into this division.

Rose Brewer, professor of African American and African studies at the University of Minnesota, co-wrote a book that looks deeply into the wealth divide of five different racialized groups. The Color of Wealth: The Story Behind the U.S. Racial Wealth Divide lays out the obstacles for Asian Americans, African Americans, Latinos and Native Americans by government actions or inactions. The book also looks at details that have boosted the white population’s wealth status through public policy.

At Coffman Memorial Union Bookstore on Wednesday Oct. 4, Brewer had a book signing discussing her book and her personal experiences. At first glance, it was just another book review but ended with a crowded audience of all races who were intrigued by her words. Dressed all in black and hair tied up, Brewer talked with strength and pride as she began to explain where she came from and why her research for the book is so important.

“I always go back to Tulsa, Okla. where I was nurtured and where I was reared,” Brewer says. “That is where the seeds of activism were planted.”

Brewer grew up in Tulsa where deep racial inequality continued after the racial terrorism of 1921, she says. The state of Oklahoma incorporated the racial practices of Jim Crow: segregated schools, housing

and public accommodations. A prosperous entrepreneurial sector called Greenwood emerged in North Tulsa, but the majority of black Tulsans worked in domestic fields and poor-paying manual labor, Brewer says.

“I grew up in the caldron of racism but also, in the midst a community that expected much from her children, believed in us,” Brewer says. “That is the context of my birth and the trajectory from which I come to write this book collaboratively.”

Statistics also show that for every dollar possessed by the average white family in the U.S., the average family of color has less than one dime.

The book addresses wealth and equality among different racial groups and each author gives their unique history with deep rationality to each other. As with Brewer, the other co-authors each described their personal experiences in the sections regarding their own race and wealth history. Also, each author has a connection with United for a Fair Economy, an organization that over the years has issued reports and briefings on wealth and equality in the United States. Their work for UFE is how the book came to be.

The book talks about the United States as a whole, but Brewer brought the thought of racial wealth divide closer to home. On Oct. 3, 2006, a report was released about

the Twin Cities that shows one of the highest white home ownership ratios in a major U.S city with about 78 percent in contrast to black homeownership at 29 percent.

“That makes us 45th in the nation close to Mississippi, Alabama and Georgia, which are the states that have been historically at the bottom of equity, income and wealth divide,” Brewer says. These statistics were not put in the book but are some of the issues the authors are addressing.

For centuries there were barriers put up by law, by constitution, discrimination and violence against participating in government wealth building programs that were beneficial to whites.

To reach racial wealth equality, it’s important to first understand the roots of the racial wealth divide. Wealth is a better indicator of inequality within society than talking about race or class, Brewer says.

At the same time, we have a difficult time talking about wealth. The median wealth statistics for median net worth, which is the mid-point where half the population is above or below, show quite a discrepancy.

In 2001, whites’ median net worth in the United States was $120,900, and for blacks it was $17,100.

and success. Between 1960 and 1980, Native Americans faced difficulties with hunting and fishing rights by commercial sportsmen. A campaign against Indian fishing rights was expressed in terms of sportsmen interest and environmental protection. They blamed Indians for smaller fish runs that were actually caused by normal fish patterns and stream pollution by corporations.

The Latino population, which is an umbrella term that includes Puerto Ricans and Cubans, is a story of land and labor expropriation. Land owned by Mexican Americans was lost after the Mexican American War but was protected under the treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo and U.S. law. Congress later ratified the treaty and the treaty was omitted. In other words, the Mexican American land was no longer theirs even after the treaty said it would protect their land.

Asian Americans also had land and law problems. The first land restriction for Asians occurred as early as 1857, when the Chinese were prohibited by law from exercising mining claims in several western states, Brewer read. These groups of color have all been penalized for their race, and share similar histories of inequality.

“Wealth in this country is passed on generationally,” Brewer says. Depending on the race, ancestors set up the lives of their forbearers. Homesteaders gave land to their future families, whereas slaves were unable to homestead land like Europeans.

The Native American, Asian American and Latino population also have had their struggles when compared to white wealth

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Campus/

The Polo: Wear It, Learn It, Love It Orientation Leaders leave their impression on the U BY heather harrington Every summer, eager and nervous incoming freshmen flood the University of Minnesota campus to take part in a required two-day student orientation, led by current students clad in maroon and gold polo shirts. This program is meant to offer a smooth transition into the University community in order to maximize academic success. Students come prepared to meet fellow classmates and staff members, reg-

16/25 October – 1 November 2006

ister for classes and enjoy their very first dorm-living experience. Hopefully these students gain a sense of community and support as they enter the college world. It is here that these young minds can listen to experienced college students talk about how to survive their first year and make it fun while they’re at it.

But few people realize the time and effort that goes into the program that leaves a lasting first impression on those newbies.

The University of Minnesota’s Orientation and First Year Programs (OFYP) provides any University student with two semesters under their belt the opportunity to become an orientation leader. OFYP recruits for the position all though October, with banners in Northrop Mall, posters, ads and

COURTESY OF OFYP

e-mails to student groups. Applications for the position, which gives a $2,900 stipend for the summer, are open from the beginning of October through Nov. 3, 2006. Hiring is an extensive process, as students who are invited to interview for the job must endure three interviews: first as a group with different members of the OFYP staff, followed by individual interviews with members of their college and finally with the student orientation coordinators.

This process singles out the best-qualified candidates to determine the most diverse to represent the University of Minnesota.

The 24 students who emerge as orientation leaders then undergo rigorous training throughout spring semester. The time commitment includes weekly four-hour meetings, which can be taken as a class, as well as summer training from the conclusion of spring semester through the beginning of orientation.

Throughout training, orientation leaders work on personal leadership development, team building, conflict resolution and group facilitation. And that’s before orientation even begins. Beginning at the end

of the spring semester, leaders live together in a residence hall and endure sun-up to sun-down training, according to orientation coordinator Joanne Reeck.

But despite the level of commitment necessary for the job, orientation leaders all seem to love the experience. Freshman orientation student coordinator Mike Traxinger says, “It’s a huge commitment, but a great learning experience. By the end of the summer, you’re a very close knit group.” Traxinger and fellow student coordinator Brandon Creager also highlight the leadership experience and professional skills that you gain in the program. For Creager, the most memorable thing about his summer was running into new students on campus in the fall and seeing how they adjusted with his help.

So, if you work well with others and strive to wear the infamous maroon and gold polo, apply online before Friday Nov. 3 at 4:30 p.m. at www.irr.umn.edu/ofyp/ olapp06/. OFYP requires a minimum GPA of 3.20, and students who will be graduating before the end of the orientation session are not eligible.

\ Campus

Garrison Comes to Campus A first hand account of the master storyteller BY carl carpenter As I sat silently in my seat, poring over my Spanish flash cards, I took a moment to peep around my surroundings. It was Monday Oct. 9, and I was in the Coffman Bookstore, awaiting the arrival of heralded author, renowned radio personality, master storyteller and (as of most recently) international movie star, Garrison Keillor.

There were representatives from most age groups present; however, those on the wrong side of 50 greatly outnumbered those of us on the right. Small smatterings of college students were seen here and there. There was a group of freshmen in front of me, discussing the new Michel Gondry movie. To my right was a fellow in his fourth year studying a bit of Arabic and in the very front I spied a wide eyed freshman who could be found minutes later sitting so close to the edge of his seat, it’s a wonder he was able to stay on.

The rest of the crowd consisted of turtlenecked moms and dads, husbands looking awkward in collared shirts their wives had clearly forced them into, and (my personal favorite) women wearing standard old lady sweaters with some sort of animal or plant life print on it.

He reps Midwestern Democrats and Norwegians in the same way that Dave Chappelle does AfricanAmericans.

The lack of youths in attendance leads me to this assumption: I’m not alone in my minimal exposure when it comes to Garrison Keillor and his works. There are likely hoards of young Minnesotans out there, who, like me, know only of him as that voice we heard on the occasional Saturday evening when our parents were listening to the radio. I’m glad I had the chance to have my perceptions of him changed. After attending the book discussion for his newest work, Homegrown Democrat: A Few Plain Thoughts from the Heart of America, I see the man in a whole new light.

From the moment he appeared he had my complete attention. Aside from his telling facial expressions, sideways glances, and the occasional goofy bit of posturing, the reason is evident. It’s that voice. I would believe anything James Earl Jones ever told me, I think nearly everything Christopher Walken says is hilarious, and I believe that Morgan Freeman could answer any question I would ever confront him with, all because of their distinctive voices. For this same reason, I could not stop listening to Garrison Keillor, even for a moment. He’s got one of those rare, definite and truly powerful voices. This is something I’d sort of already known, but to experience it in person is to be converted into a fan.

hear John F. Kennedy, Jr. speak. I was able to relate to what he was talking about, despite the fact he was here in the early ‘60s.

It’s in this way that he helps to bridge the gap between us and our elders. In the first chapter of his new book he talks about being proud to be from the state, “… that produced Fitzgerald and the Mayo Clinic and Lindbergh, and Sinclair Lewis and Hubert Humphrey.” These words, which bring about such unwavering home-state pride in those of his same generation, might not have the same impact on us. But

if I were to speak of my sources of pride, I’m sure the reverse would be true. Names like Atmosphere, Mitch Hedberg, Mason Jennings, or Nick Swardson wouldn’t do much for them either. Keillor is like a Prince or a Bob Dylan, someone we can all appreciate. He’s like the Twins, or hating Iowa and North Dakota, or putting ketchup on everything. He’s a Minnesotan, he’s damn funny, and at the end of the day, that’s something we can all hang our (winter) hats on.

Another revelation, which I’m quite late in uncovering, is that Garrison Keillor is a funny, funny man. For the first of 45 minutes of his talk, he failed to mention his new book even once, electing instead to do what came across to me as a bit of stand-up comedy. Keillor tore down the house. He reps Midwestern democrats and Norwegians in the same way that Dave Chappelle does African-Americans. They both make observations and social commentaries through the eyes of their respective communities, and put their own personal styles and mannerisms on them, which their audiences absorb. They both also touch on some of the same topics, like the criminalization of smokers and the war in Iraq. When I took some time to read his new book, I enjoyed it immensely. It was a great read! Keillor dishes out series of rants and raves, limericks and alliterations, and the most creative disses since rap music started to suck.

I enjoyed learning about his past. He talked in person, and in his new book, about his years here at the U of M. He told stories of eagerly departing his childhood home of Anoka, his start in radio as a freshman (a situation in which he broadcast the whole year on a station which wasn’t even on air), the frat boys on University Avenue and their pajama parties, and getting to

dave hagen

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Athletics/

What to Expect from the Women’s Hoop Squad Q & A with Gopher women’s basketball coach Pam Borton

By Rachel Drewelow

She took three teams in a row to the Sweet 16, and in 2004 she led the Gophers to their first Final Four in school history. But after last year’s loss of an assistant coach and five non-graduating players including three starters , a shadow was cast over women’s basketball head coach Pam Borton. An internal review of the athletic department blamed poor communication within the women’s basketball department as one reason for the quick exit of the players. Media scrutiny followed, but athletic director Joel Maturi stood by Borton and her record. With a team full of new recruits—last year’s exodus included six graduating seniors too—the season is up in the air. The Wake played a little one-onone with Coach Borton to find out what we can expect on the court from the fresh young team this season.

The Wake: It’s your fifth season and you’re five games away from your 100th win on the Gopher sidelines, any plans to celebrate the Big 100?

Coach Borton: Not really. The wins aren’t the most important thing, it’s watching your team get better. Hopefully we can get those five wins and have a lot more throughout the rest of the season.

The Wake: You only have three returning players who stepped on the court last season, how are you planning to rebuild the team?

Coach Borton: We’ve got a lot of talent on our team. We’ve got a young team, but we’ve got a lot of talent. It’s one of the most athletic and quickest teams since I’ve been at Minnesota, and we’re going to have a lot of fun and play an up-tempo game. Every year there are new players and a new system, and we’re going to have a lot of fun with it.

The Wake: An investigation of the departure of five non-graduating players and one assistant coach pointed to poor communication within the women’s basketball department. Are there any plans to

18/25 October – 1 November 2006

strengthen communication this season to avoid something like this?

Coach Borton: It wasn’t an investigation—that was just a word the media was using. It was an annual review the department does every year with every team. We did make some changes, as far as staffing. We are going to be more open with communication—between the coaches and the coaches; between the coaches and the players; and between the players and the players. I think if there’s any issue you have any concerns about, you have to discuss it just like with any relationship you have—with players, friends, co-workers or anybody.

The Wake: With all the new faces this season are you worried about team chemistry at all?

Coach Borton: Not at all. Every year, no matter who is returning or who isn’t returning, we have new chemistry on our team. We’ve got great team chemistry that our team started building this summer.

Everybody, the coaches and the players, we’re all on the same page.

The Wake: Should we expect any superstars this season? Anyone to replace last year’s lead scorer and rebounder Jamie Broback?

Coach Borton: Well, I don’t think we had any superstars on our team last year. Every year I’ve been here, we’ve always emphasized putting the team first. We’ve had Kodak All-Americans on our team, and I think those are superstars—you’ve got to have some go-to players on your team, some people that you really rely on in the game for consistency. Kelly Roysland [guard, Senior] is going to be that person, and I think Emily Fox [guard, Sophomore] is going to be another one. We’re really looking for big things from them this year.

The Wake: What should fans expect to see out of your freshman class?

Coach Borton: You’re going to see an extremely talented freshman class—a lot of athleticism. We’ve got some size and length and speed. It’s a class that’s going to be very, very good given a little time and a little development.

The Wake: Minnesota has ranked first in conference attendance the past three seasons. Is it going to be a good season for the fans?

Ethan Stark

Coach Borton: It’s going to be a great season for fans. Fans are going to see a team that plays together as a team. They’re going to see players playing for the name on the front of the jersey, not the name on back of the jersey. Fans are going to see a style that they haven’t seen for three years.

It’s an up-tempo style and fans are going to see a bunch of kids playing with heart and passion.

The Wake: What is the hardest part of your job?

The Wake: Of the 16 home games this season, which one shouldn’t we miss?

Coach Borton: Watching these student athletes graduate after four years. It’s rewarding seeing how much they grow on and off the court and seeing them develop leadership skills, and other skills they need to go out into the real world.

Coach Borton: You’re not going to want to miss any of the home games. This team is going to be exciting to watch, and it will grow as the season goes. Our fans are going to fall in love with this team and these players and what the team is all about.

The Wake: What do you have to say to people who think that women’s sports aren’t as compelling as men’s sports?

Coach Borton: I think those people really haven’t watched a lot of college athletics, or a lot of women’s sports. When you’re watching women’s sports, you’ve got a lot of team play and people that play the game fundamentally. There’s not a lot of playing above the rim with [women’s] basketball— both men’s and women’s sports are fun to watch, but you’ve got a whole different kind of team play when you’re watching women’s sports.

Coach Borton: The recruiting. Recruiting is getting more challenging every year— trying to find the right person, and the right fit for you to coach, finding the kids that will fit into the program.

The Wake: And what is the most rewarding part?

The Wake: Since you’ve been head coach the team has boasted GPA averages over 3.0 every semester. Is GPA something you push to your players?

Coach Borton: Absolutely. Our kids go to class; they need to go to class. They’re expected to put as much effort into their classes as they put into basketball. It’s extremely important.

The Gopher women’s basketball team kicks off the preseason in an exhibition game against Winona State Nov. 1 at Williams Arena, 7 p.m. They face Northern Iowa in their first regular season game Nov. 10 at Williams Arena, 6 p.m.

\ Athletics

Blunders Ahead Timberwolves poised for another lottery pick

By Craig Rentmeester The weather is becoming shittier by the day, Indiana Pacers players are facing criminal charges and Spike Lee has his orange and blue on. These are some of the signs that it’s time for NBA basketball. For basketball fans in Minneapolis, this brings weeks of optimism before the eventual collapse of the Timberwolves.

Last Year The ’05-’06 Timberwolves had a shaky season, marked by a mid-season trade of Wally Szczerbiak for Ricky Davis. The TWolves finished last season with a record of 33-49, eight games behind the final seed in the Western Division.

The major problem for the Timberwolves is still the lack of consistent help for Kevin Garnett. Ricky Davis averaged 19 points per game last year. No other player, besides Kevin Garnett, averaged more than 12 points per game.

The Draft The T-wolves basically ended the draft with Craig Smith (Boston College) and Randy Foye (Villanova). Smith and Foye were tremendous college players. They both helped their teams advance to the Elite Eight. Villanova actually beat Boston at the Metrodome. Neither rookie will see extended playing time, but Smith should make a bigger contribution. Smith only has to compete with Eddie Griffin, Mark Madsen and Vin Baker for playing time.

Foye is a quick guard who can drive to the basket and finish. The off-season addition of Mike James, along with Marko Jaric,

Troy Hudson, Bracey Wright and the currently-injured Rashad McCants will make it tougher for Foye to see much floor time.

Foye has more upside for the Timberwolves because his game translates better to the NBA than Smith’s does.

The major problem for the Timberwolves is still the lack of consistent help for Kevin Garnett.

Craig Smith has great hands and shoots well, but his size will limit him in the NBA. At 6-foot-7 and 270 pounds, Smith will be too slow to guard small forwards and too short to guard most power forwards.

Offseason moves The Timberwolves biggest acquisition this year was Mike James. James averaged 20 points and nearly six assists per game last season. James also had a career high in field goal percentage, 46.9, while shooting 44 percent from a three-point range — also a career high. Other than Mike James, the Timberwolves did not acquire much talent. The T-wolves signed Vin Baker, Paul Shirley and Tyrone Ellis.

Overall, the T-wolves season looks pretty bleak. Vegas bookmakers don’t have much confidence in the T-wolves and neither should anyone else. Odds that they will win the NBA championship vary from 80to-1 to 100-to-1. The Timberwolves open their season on Nov. 1 when they host the Sacramento Kings.

jeremy sengly

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Literary/ Submission

jeremy sengly

Duluth in the Rearview by macks markin I got a flat just as I was leaving Duluth.

It’s five thirty, and threatening rain. I’m 150 miles from Minneapolis, and the spare says “max 80km.” The jock at the gas station tells me I can probably get a spare at Sam’s, and where to find it, but it’s closed by the time we get there. Two Koreans at the automax next door help us patch the tire. They’re anxious but helpful. Annoyed at closing time by an embarrassed scruffmaster, in loafers and mismatched socks, eager with his parent’s visa. One asks me if I’m punk rock. No, I’m a mountain climber, but I have a Henry Rollins tape in the car.

I’m tired from a night of climbing, starting at the base of the city by the water. Downtown Duluth of late night pick-up trucks and drunken Chads. Fire escapes and spiders to a nice view and a bottle of wine. Then up and up, hotels, and ski slopes in august. The chair lifts terrify me, and I can’t help but laugh. We came to Duluth to see some friends who are due with their first child. They’re young, nervous, and beautiful.

The mother is sweetly impulsive and demanding. It seems that she is constantly brushing her hair out of her face, but she’s smiling. Tim’s going to be the father, he’s anxious, but beaming. He recently started an apprenticeship as a carpenter.

The tire is patched and filled for only ten dollars. Once again I’m leaving Duluth. I’m reviewing the past two days carefully, what I’ve accomplished, what I discovered, details that I’ll surely forget with time.

20/25 October – 1 November 2006

I remember how he told me three close friends had been committed to institutions in the past year. I think of the ones I know. One’s a surprise, the other a question mark.

They wanted her for the army or whatever. He talked about his buddy Jay who got committed. Jay was fine when he went in, but he had to put up with a few too many seconds of pressure in there. By the time he got out, they had convinced him that he was crazy, and cured, but he insisted he had faked the last part. I wonder about real and fake. I wonder about God’s plan. It scares me in the same way as those chairlifts in the dark, crashing over dried grass and sharp rocks. I can’t help but laugh.

using an absurd fake accent that sounds like a drunk Russian imitating Rodney Dangerfield.

Before the long trek to the summit we decided to have a long joke over a few drinks. It was an American hotel on the main-strip.

“like that!”, she yells.

Three stars masquerading as five, wait-staff in military issue tuxedos, doling out low grade dog chow garnished and prepped to the point that it almost resembles high grade dog chow. We plan the attack outside, roaring and whispering each of our brilliant ideas simultaneously so that nothing is understood by anyone except for the original conspirator. I finally trade the floor for the flask, and decide to hear Tim out, “I’ll go in first, you follow”, he explains. “Take a seat at the bar, and just watch.”

Good enough for me.

I can see him across the room, already seated, alone at a table for two by the window. He’s pulsing, shaking, tapping his feet, raging in general. His flannel shirt is rolled way up past his elbow. I can hear him reading the menu,

“I’ll half de pas-ta.” He says, and points.

Half a drink later the food arrives, he is intense, sweating, really working it. The waitress gives him an odd look and asks him if he’s allright. He shrugs her off “dah please. am fine.” As soon as she turns though, his plate is upside down, and he’s sucking down the spaghettis one by one.

The waitress spins, “What in god’s name are you doing!” “eating”, he says confidently casual.

“Am sorry, In my country. We eat with our hands.”

“You don’t have any forks? plates? Chop-sticks?” “oh we have, we have, yes. Is just…” he pauses, smiling. “we hate to wash dishes.”

We barely escaped.

After that kind of joke you’ve got to keep one eye open for the fuzz. We do so, climbing. The city on the hill. One block at a time, the grid here is amazing. I’m drawing in our path on a map I got from the lobby downtown. In a little over an hour we’re out of the city. At the top of a ski slope. We followed the chairs up the run and onto the little mound of earth by the control room up top. Admiring the view, we relieve ourselves. The urine makes streams in the dust, splitting up and then joining their selves again.

“You jokered the hell out of those fools back at the hotel.”

“Yeah man, they didn’t know what hit ‘em.”

\ Literary

Duluth Cont’d “Are you sure you’re…ready?”

“Huh? Oh for the kid? …hell yeah. I’m just trying to get the last of this joker shit out of me, now” Shake. Zip. Alright. From the summit I know everything is going to be okay. The sky is breathtaking, a dark blue, purple like a fresh black eye. Specks of distant celestial salt crystals appear to be taking turns as the brightest.

The wind carries the sweet smells of soil and pine softly and with respect.

All but out of the city limits by the time I realize that I’ve forgotten my polaroid’s at their house. I think about turning around, but I just passed an exit and am questioning the patched tire’s strength. I could get Tim to send the pictures, but I know I’ll forget. Damnation.

I accelerate, up hill and out of this shit-hole. I’m pissed; I want those pictures. The windshield is fogging up and still with the rain, but for some reason the rear window is clear. I see the city again through the mirror. Duluth’s not a real shit-hole, not like Gary. At least Duluth is nice from a distance.

“Good from afar but far from good”, Tim used to say, referring to girls on the street. That was before he was married. That was how I felt about Duluth through the rear-view.

I’d finally gotten the shot though, at the end of the climb, towering over it all. The postcard shot, without the city name or border. It was the summit. It was north, heaven, not quite Canada. The significance of being high like that.

Status and worth and perspective. Like that promising family behind me. It was more than all the assholes in the world shitting out missiles, and hiding bombs in their underwear. I am generally amazed by the lack of grace in this modern world, but that view was different. This picture the cure. I knew if I sent it to the hospital, she’d be out in no time. Fuck. I look in the rear view again, and it’s the perfect shot. The one that got away. All that grace, and power. I captured it again, I won, It’s a success story, I’m comfortable, tired. Ready to: close my eyes, hold on to that image, inhale, and go to sleep at 83 mph on a patched tire.

I Eat Submissions.

FEED ME! jduellman@wakemag.org HOW TO: Submitting is easy! Send your poems, short stories or suggestions to jduellman@wakemag.org Attach your work using Microsoft Word and also include your piece in the body of the e-mail. Any accompanying illustrations must be sent at 300 DPI. Still have concerns? We are also available to meet in person to workshop your creative work. Just send an e-mai to set an appointment. We don’t bite... hard WANTED: With it being the season of decay, the Literary Section would like to present a page of the Macabre -- the little beauties of the dark side of mankind. Send us poems, short stories, illustrations (300 DPI).

Literary Events Who: Victorian Ghost Stories

Who: Kevin Jennings

Who: Erik Dregni

What: Costumed characters give dramatic readings.

With tours; hot cider. Call for times and reservations.

612.297.2555

What: The author discusses ‘Mama’s Boy, Preacher’s Son.’

What: Local author discusses ‘Weird Minnesota.’

When: Thursday, Oct. 26th, 7:00 p.m.

When: Friday, Oct. 27th, 7:00 p.m.

Where: The Loft Literary Center, FREE

Where: Barnes & Noble in Maple Grove, FREE

Who: Marjane Satrapi

Who: Deborah Keenan; Eileen O’Toole

Who: Brandon Sigrist

What: The Iranian cartoonist discusses her comic book memoir, ‘Chicken with Plums.’

What: Poetry

What: Reading from his award-winning story published in L. Ron Hubbard’s “Writers of the Future Volume XXII

When: Thursday, Oct. 26 , 7:00 p.m.

When: Oct. 22-30 Where: James J. Hill House, $8

When: Wednesday, Oct. 25 , 2:00 p.m. th

6h

Who: Pamela Mordecai Who: John Sweeney What: The author discusses ‘Innovation at the Speed of Laughter.’

What: The Author discusses ‘Conservatize Me.’ When: Wednesday, Oct. 25 , 7:00 p.m. th

Where: Micawber’s Bookstore, FREE

Where: Lyndale Congregational Church of Christ, $5

Where: U of M Bookstore at Coffman Memorial Union, FREE

Who: John Moe

When: Sunday, Oct. 29th, 3:00 p.m.

When: Friday, Oct. 27th, 12:30 p.m.

What: The author discusses her writing.

When: Monday, Oct. 30th, 4:30 p.m.

Where: University of Minnesota Lind Hall, FREE

Where: Borders (600 Hennepin Ave), FREE

Where: Magers & Quinn Booksellers, FREE

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What famous New York City punk club just closed after nearly three decades?

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New Frigidaire black fridge $425 612-251-0577 dkim40@yahoo.com New Frigidaire black range $425 612-251-0577 dkim40@yahoo.com

Looking for a drummer and bass player.Heavy metal/industrial genre.

If interested call: 651-492-8692.

Arbitrary Awards Best alternative fuel: Babies Honorable mention: Fat Americans Best bait: Babies Honorable mention: Gummy worms Worst thing to eat and subsequently vomit: Babies Honorable mention: Hot Pockets Best thing to come out of a woman’s uterus: A delicious cheeseburger

Funny Joke Knock knock.

Who’s there?

9/11.

9/11 who?

You said you’d never forget.

DAVE HAGEN