Issuu

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the u’s weekly student magazine

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april

26– may 2, 2006

Staff Editorial Editor-in-Chief

Kay Steiger

Managing Editor

Lane Trisko

Athletics Editor

Craig Rentmeester

Athletics Assistant Athletics Staff Writers Campus Editor Campus Assistant Campus Staff Writers

Brian Tolentino Jeff Barthel Tyler Rushmeyer Jessica Mann Sarah Howard Rachel Drewelow Vincent Staupe

Literary Editor

Kim Gengler

Literary Assistant

Kel Sangster

S&V Editor

Michael Mitchell

S&V Assistant

Jenny Odegard

S&V Staff Writers

Erin Belling Haily Gostas Rachel LaBine

Film Critic Voices Editor Voices Assistant Voices Staff Writers

Chris Wilson Colleen Hellenbrand Cole Dennis Tom McNamara Nix Wurdak

14 No Offense, But... As the baseball season warms up, the Gophers haven’t seemed to thaw out from the long winter. With lagging batting averages and a rough season opener, the team has its work cut out for it if it wants to rise to Golden glory.

Production production manager

Eric Price

art director

Sam Soule

photo editor

Brennan Vance

web editor cover artist graphic designers

illustrators

photographers

copy editors

Andy Tyra Aaron Groh Kristin Drews Carina Enbody Shannon Licari Eric Price Jeremy “Cocksure” Sengly Shelby Falk Aaron Groh Dave Hagen Alex Judkins Miranda Peterson Eric Price Aaron Ridgeway Jeremy Sengly Nick Tchida Stacy Bengs Jessalynn Courtney Ryan Rodgers Brennan Vance Elizabeth Aulwes Clayton Benjamin Mary Cummings Kelly Frush

BUSINESS business manager office manager advertisting executive pr director

Andy Tyra

16 Kicking the St. Paul Smoke Outside Last spring, when Minneapolis passed a smoking ban on all bars and restaurants, smokers happily retreated to St. Paul. Now, bar owners fear that their business will dwindle further as the City Council ponders a similar ban.

Tamara Swanson Jamie King Cassie Benson

distributors

Gwen McNamara Ryan Frailich Brennan Vance Chris Wilson

board of directors

James DeLong Paul Froiland Courtney Lewis Kathy Schlecht William Swanson

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Jeff Barthel, Alice Battey, Erin Belling, Kai CarlsonWee, Sean Cudeck, Cole Dennis, Rachel Drewelow, Anna Ewart, Haily Gostas, Abbey Klepetka Ethan Krueger, Tom McNamara, Michael Mitchell, Kristin Mueller, Craig Rentmeester, Jacob Steinbauer, Brian Tolentino, Chris Wilson

Established in 2002, The Wake is an independent weekly magazine, produced by and for students at the University of Minnesota. The Wake is a registered student organization.

The Wake was founded by Chris Ruen and James DeLong.

The Wake 1313 5th St. SE Minneapolis, MN 55414 Send letters to letters@wakemag.org Please include your name, year, and college. The Wake does not publish anonymous letters.

Volume 4, Issue 20

Letter from the Editor

Give me money for my goddamned books

Dear Campus,

Campus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Nice to meet you, wanna smoke? Voices . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

New Vikings, same off-season pillaging Athletics . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Photos by Aaron Ridgeway Photography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Biggest literary section EVER Literary . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

The comic book came first Sound & Vision . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

First 4/20, now vol. 4/issue 20 ... Jesus, I can take a hint Bastard . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Now Hiring

04 07 10 12 18 22 26

As I was strolling down the sun-soaked streets of Dinkytown, I noticed something strange … a new publication that goes by the name The Dink. According to the Editor-in-Chief Ryan Clark, the publication was started to provide a voice for the community that is “currently lacking in the industry.” I could use this space to say how over the last four year The Wake has maintained a voice for the area, but I’d rather just rip on the publication. For instance, their “authentic voice” reviews Stub and Herbs, a bar in Stadium Village. After reading the glowing review, my eyes moved to the next page where an ad for the bar rests comfortably. It made sense when I saw that the same man was in charge of the editorial and business sides of the magazine … ethics are overrated, I guess. And did no one in their publication realize their

name was a racial slur? Also, they copied our layout. Check out our second and third page compared to theirs. Fucking bastards … LANE TRISKO

Managing Editor

Fall 2006

Production Manager Campus Editor S&V Editor Voices Editor Literary Editor Editorial Assistants Senior Staff Writers Staff Writers Distributors Copy Editors Graphic Designers PR Interns Advertising Executive Advertising Interns Senior Staff Photographer Office Manager > www.wakemag.org/content/pages/Jobs

Campus

April 26-May 2, 2006

“We’ll Buy This One Back . . . For a Dollar . . .” Textbooks: why they’re so damn expensive and who gets your money By Rachel Drewelow and Sarah Howard

Aaron Ridgeway

Counting on leaving Coffman bookstore with cash to start your summer in style, you eagerly inch up to the counter, hand over your pile of this semester’s textbooks and the counter clerk starts scanning away. Gazing at the screen, you notice you are banking $2 for a book that cost you $60. The clerk hands you a pathetic “stack” of cash—much more slender than the one you shelled out months ago to buy the books—and you’re pushed to the limit. And you’ve got reasons to be pissed. Students pay an average of $900 a year on textbooks, according to a July federal Government Accountability Office report. Textbook prices have steadily increased at twice the rate of inflation since 1986 and identical textbooks can often be purchased overseas for less than half of the U.S. price. Publishers sometimes offer incentives to professors to assign new editions. Occasionally, professors even assign books they’ve written themselves. And, as most can attest, bookstores only buy a used book back at a maximum of 50 percent of its retail price. Still mad? Why are textbooks so expensive? According to Doug Armato, director of the University Press, it’s because books are expensive to create in the first place. It costs about $20,000 to fully publish the first copy of an average book. Printing additional copies can cost anywhere from $10,000 to $12,000 a print run, Armato explains. Nonetheless, the GAO confirmed that textbook prices increase at 6 percent per year—twice the rate of inflation. Increasing costs, the GAO says, are largely due to packaging and supplementary materials. Those CDs and workbooks, often not assigned, that are bundled with required textbooks are a chief reason for driving up prices (10 to 50 percent), the GAO report explains. This also hurts your resale power, as the bookstore sometimes won’t buy back a book if you don’t have the CD, workbook or have used the Web passcode. Frequent revisions, resulting in new editions, are another reason cited for skyrocketing prices, the GAO says. The GAO also points out that U.S. textbook prices are lower overseas—sometimes up to 50 percent less. This is due to marketability in the U.S., such as a “willingness and ability of students to purchase the textbook,” the report says. The report also notes that publishers have “taken steps to limit” cheaper online “reimportation” of books back into the U.S. Faces might turn red this fall when students find they have to purchase a $100 eighth edition, instead of a used seventh edition for $60, but what about the fury when they find out their own professor wrote that book they’ve been assigned? Though the university “encourages faculty authorship of instructional material,” these instructors must not “personally profit from the assignment of materials … without proper administrative approval,” according to the University Senate Educational

Materials Conflict of Interest policy. It is also not allowed for professors to accept commissions from publishers for assigning other books. Most professors who assign their own texts donate their royalties to a scholarship or other educational fund for students, says Richard Bianco, associate vice president for regulatory affairs. He explains that profiting from assigning books to students is unethical and most professors are “on the same page about this.” But there are no conflict of interest cops, Bianco says, and it is largely a “selfdisclosure system.” Details on enforcement are left up to the individual departments. But it seems some departments might not have gotten the memo on conflict of interest policy, which has been in effect since 2001. “I wasn’t aware of it,” says English professor Joel Weinsheimer, who has taught his novel, Untimely Ripped, for more than two years, uninformed that he was not allowed to profit. This may be because “it doesn’t bring in a profit anyways, so it doesn’t matter,” he says. “Some of my students think I go to Jamaica every year” off of their student loans, Weinsheimer says. Much to the contrary, he grosses only $1 per book, and most of his Modern English class opts for used copies, so he earns around $40 per semester through royalties, he explains. According to Armato, professors make about 7 to 10 percent from sales, which is much lower than a commercial publisher, where an author would make 25 to 30 percent. The bulk of your dollar (about 33 percent) goes to the publisher for paper, printing and editorial costs. Only 11 percent goes to the bookstore. Small author’s royalties shrink even more when you include their research and writing expenses, according to the National Association of College Stores . Weinsheimer’s small profit margin, and then some, is donated back to the class, because he offers to take his students out to lunch, he says. Though Weinsheimer wasn’t aware, lunch is a sanctioned use of the profits under the university’s policy. What a professor wants to do with royalties is an individual choice, as long as they do not profit personally, says Bianco. Weinsheimer says he will continue teaching the book unless his students give him negative feedback on the end-of-semester evaluations. He thinks it is a unique experience for students to get to interact with an author they’re reading in class. “Yes, Hemingway is a better writer than I am, but they don’t get to talk to him,” Weinsheimer explains. Arlene Teraoka, College of Liberal Arts Associate Dean for Undergraduate Programs, agrees that this practice can be beneficial. CLA approved 21 requests for the use of books authored by the teaching professor this year—out of 540 professors in CLA. “These are books that are the only ones, or the best ones, available in English on the subject,”

Campus

April 26-May 2, 2006

Students pay an average of $900 a year on textbooks she explains. Even though these textbooks may be quality tomes on highly important topics, most students don’t want to hold onto them for long. And considering that they cost hundreds of dollars a semester, the bookstore should give students a break and make good on their “book buy back” promise, right? Not really—unless you consider being handed a few dollars a real resale transaction. The university’s bookstore buys as many used books back as it can, says Bob Crabb, director of Coffman’s bookstore. The bookstore is clued in by the academic departments as to what books students will be assigned next semester and in what quantity. Once the bookstore hits its limit of how many books it needs, it will not buy any more used books back. If a book is being sold back for the first time

and a department has requested it, the bookstore will buy it back at 50 percent of the retail price. If the bookstore is buying a twice-used book, that book will bring in anywhere from 0 to 30 percent of its original retail price, depending on marketability, Crabb explains. If the bookstore hasn’t heard from a department, it will not buy that book at all. Once the bookstore has gone through its buy back process, they visit warehouses to stock the rest of their inventory. The bookstore tries to buy used books, but sometimes they have to buy new ones to meet the demand, Crabb says. Chances are the bookstore’s not just buying used books to be gentle with students’ shallow pockets. Bookstores generally bank a higher profit from selling used books (34.9 percent) than new books (22.5 percent), according to NACS, because both publishers and authors do not profit on used

book sales, Armato says. Textbook buy back at the Student Book Store doesn’t operate any differently, Crabb says. “Our prices are pretty much identical. We just might hit our limits at different times,” he says. But, if Coffman has hit its limit and won’t buy a book back or seems to be offering much less than you’d like, it might be wise to check out what the Dinkytown business will offer. There are a few other options for students who want to battle the risings costs of their textbooks. The Campaign to Reduce College Textbook Costs says that the power of keeping textbooks affordable lies mostly with the publishers. The campaign wants students and faculty to let publishers feel the heat. They suggest that faculty try to order “unbundled books,” without supplements, and reassign old editions—available used—when

possible. Some states have also tried legislation to pressure publishers to offer more affordable books. Students, when possible, can order books from British Web sites, and swap with friends. Other Web sites offer ways to order and sell your books for better deals. For more information on the Campaign to Reduce College Textbook Costs, see www.MakeTextBooksAffordable.com.

Campus

www.wakemag.org

says. “One of the goals of TBTN is to show people they’re not alone.” Suchomel certainly isn’t alone when it comes to organizing the march. She delegates tasks to around 20 student volunteers from the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities, Macalester and The Collge of St. Catherine. Four of these students, including university juniors Michael Eisberner and Jenny Strand, became involved in the demonstration to fulfill class requirements for the University’s activist-oriented social justice minor. “Each class has 30 hours service learning,” says Professor Lisa Albrecht, who teaches Introduction to Social Justice. “Central in the class is getting involved, not just discussing theoretical ideas.” Since her first rally in 1978, Albrecht has lost count of the number of TBTNs she’s participated in. Albrecht does recall her first march in Minnesota in the 1980s. “A big TBTN happened in the community. We marched from South Minneapolis towards downtown, on streets where there were pornography theaters.” Today, the movement is more centered on giving a voice to survivors of abuse and allowing them to overcome the fear of darkness by joining in solidarity and reclaiming public spaces. Speakers rally the marchers before they set out, sharing stories and offering support. This year, Anna Odegaard will lend her voice to the cause. She works with battered women every day, as an advocate at the Alexandra House, a women’s shelter dedicated to ending domestic

“Every two minutes somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted.”

Twin Cities Unite, Take Back the Night

miranda peterson

Marching to stop violence against women

By Kristen Mueller “Help stop violence?” asks Jenny Strand, before thrusting small yellow fliers into the hands of two polo-clad students crossing the stretch of pavement bridging the University of Minnesota’s East and West banks. “Eat pancakes for dinner,” the papers exclaim in bold black type over an illustration of a super-size stack of flapjacks. The fundraiser (at greasy-spoon favorite, Al’s Breakfast) is a playful ploy to promote a serious event: Take Back the Night, a rally denouncing violence against women. And it works. By 5:15 p.m. on Friday, every bar stool beneath the long yellow counter is occupied by students in tees and tanks. Strand shouts orders (“wheat-chip and mozz-eggs”) over the Queen song echoing throughout the oblong restaurant, as university junior Bridget Becker plops chocolate-filled pancake batter onto the grill, next to a woman scrambling eggs in a pan. At $6 a meal, the girls hope to raise enough money to help fund the Minnesota Public Interest Research Group’s ninth annual TBTN. The event has empowered survivors and supporters since 1978, when crowds first swept the

streets in TBTN marches across the United States. Most occur in April—Sexual Assault Awareness month—and the same is true for this year’s rally, scheduled for April 27. Last year, over three hundred activists stormed through Uptown, halting traffic as they flooded onto Hennepin Avenue from Loring Park. Hand-painted signs hoisted into the air beamed their message to Minneapolis: “We are women. We are strong. Violence against us has gone on too long.” Volunteers with megaphones lead deafening chants of, “What do we want? Safe streets. When do we want them? Now!” “By the time you hit the heart of Uptown, everyone is cheering at the top of their lungs,” Kate Suchomel,MPIRG’s program director, says. Several hot pink streaks are woven into her coiled ponytail, and her frequent smile exudes an innocence that belies her age. But bubbling just beneath this cheerful exterior is a community activist who will shout until her voice grows hoarse to break the silence surrounding the vastly underreported crimes of domestic abuse and sexual assault. “Two big reasons people don’t report what happened to them are, (a) they feel ashamed, and (b) they feel they’re alone in the experience,” Suchomel

Upcoming Events 4/26 Undergraduate Symposium Celebrating student creativity, performance, public engagement, research, and scholarship 1:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m. Great Hall Coffman Memorial Union Minneapolis Campus

4/27 “Tolstoy and Modernism,” A lecture by Justin Weir 12:45 p.m. - 2:00 p.m. Room 229 Nolte Center for Continuing Education Minneapolis Campus

2006 Lavender Graduation 4:00 p.m. - 6:30 p.m. Mississippi Room Coffman Memorial Union Minneapolis Campus

MPIRG’s Take Back the Night Rally 6:00 p.m. Loring Park Willow St at W 14th St, Mpls.

4/28 Spring Jam Band Competition violence. “A real change can only happen as society reacts differently to violence against women,” she says. “We need to hold men accountable … Domestic violence should be as inconceivable as cannibalism.” The sole male working with MPIRG on TBTN, Eisberner has done everything from designing the event’s Web site to e-mailing fraternities in an attempt to educate local men’s groups about the power they have to affect women’s rights issues. “I’m planning on marching,” he says, from the comfort of a booth butted against the Purple Onion’s Fourth Street-facing windows. Reaching into his backpack, the soft-spoken student pulls out a small gopher gold hued flier. On it, gruesome statistics reflect the urgency of TBTN’s mission. “Every two minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted. One out of every six American women has been the victim of an attempted or completed rape in their lives. About 44 percent of rape victims are under age 18. Fortythree percent of rapes occur between 6 p.m. and midnight.” This last fact is central to TBTN’s mission. “As women, we always have to think about going out alone, what time it is, what neighborhood we’re in. We have to be aware of people on the street and who’s around us,” says Albrecht. “It’s important for men to be aware of this.” The Take Back the Night pre-rally will begin at 6 p.m. on April 27, in Loring Park, with the march through Uptown commencing at 7:30 p.m. For more information, go to www. mpirg.org, or call (612) 627-4035.

4:00 p.m. - 7:00 p.m. Coffman Memorial Union Minneapolis Campus

4/29 Spring Jam Block Party 3:30 p.m. - 6:30 p.m. Coffman Memorial Union Minneapolis Campus

4/30 Rally for Darfur: Stop the Genocide 1:30 p.m. - 3:30 p.m. Minnesota State Capitol 75 Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd, St. Paul

5/3 Yom Ha’Atzmaut - Israeli Independence Day 11:00 a.m. - 1:00 p.m. Plaza Northrop Mall Minneapolis Campus

Voices

www.wakemag.org

Smoking Social Outcast We all remember our first semester freshman year. We fled to our dorm rooms every chance we got (but still managed to never speak to our roommate who was ALWAYS THERE) and avoided as much human contact as possible. We had no friends at ALL, except the kids from our high school we clung to in the first couple weeks. We were desperate, we were lonely and we were pathetic. Right? ... Right? Well, I was. I thought I’d never have friends again. The future was a bleak black hole of despair and woe, where I would sit looking up at all those oh-so-fortunate personable freshman, who relied

I gawked for a while, eventually making my way over to say what will undoubtedly become the most genius phrase I will utter in my collegiate career: “Got a light?” on the “personality” and “wit” to win people over. Like those even mean anything! And so I remained in the black pit. I was so depressed and lonesome that I did something I hadn’t done in a long while since at least the end of high school three months prior—unless I was at a party. Or a family function. Or if nothing good was on TV. Something devious. Something sinful. Something

downright “just a no-no.” I smoked. I smoked and I smoked and I smoked ‘til I couldn’t smoke no more. And even then I kept smoking. Smoking gave me a nice sense of power over my life. I’d sit in my room and right around my 187th game of solitaire would think to myself, “I’m going to go have a cigarette. A cigarette is kind of like a friend! At least it gets me out of this two by two foot cubicle I stow my shit in.” And so I was off! Down the elevator, through the lobby and an appropriate 25 feet away from the building, I began my journey West to flavor country. A strange thing occurred as I spent those countless hours and dollars on cigarettes behind Middlebrook. There were other people out there! Well, not really people, but other smokers. Other sycophants on the Medicare system and (mild) devastators to the ozone layer! I gawked for a while, eventually making my way over to say what will undoubtedly become the most genius phrase I will utter in my collegiate career. “Got a light?” YES! Subtle, simple, effective. Brilliant! I could see them with lit cigarettes, they couldn’t say no unless they really hated me. I was in! From then on, I would catch the other smokers outside and chit chat until eventually we scheduled all our smoke breaks at the same times. Soon a group of about twelve was meeting every hour on the hour to have cigarettes. We swapped brands, traded coming-out-of-the-smoky-closet-to-the-parents stories and jokes about how quitting is a myth invented by popular culture to scare small, nicotine-addicted children. Looking back on this, I wouldn’t really give it up. I’ve met a lot of great friends smoking outside and an even larger number of good friends and acquaintances (there’s a HUGE smokers’ network

I blame all the nonsmokers for my bad habit

out there). I probably have connections to White House insiders and don’t even know it because I wouldn’t recognize faces unless they were shrouded in a haze of smoke. Now, as we all know, smoking is bad for you. Smoking causes, among other things: increased risk of heart disease which already affects one out of

cole dennis every two woman, who are smoking in unrecorded numbers nowadays, lung cancer as well as a myriad of other cancers, impotence (as the nurse at every clinic I go to dapperly chimes to me) and birth defects. In the vein of less serious consequences, it makes your teeth yellow (my teeth have lost that “Miss Alabama” gleam they once had), your circulation poor, especially in your hands, (I masturbate just for the heat now) and they cost a SHIT LOAD of moolah (I also masturbate because I can’t afford to go on dates anymore). So this all begs the question, why would anyone want to get people to stop this wonderful and personable habit? This April is quit smoking month at the U, with the U participating in the Quit and

jessalyn courtney

Win Challenge, a competition to see who can quit smoking and win a $3000 gift certificate to either one or any combination of more than one of Target, Best Buy, Macy’s, Home Depot, IKEA, Sports Authority, Midwest Mountaineering, or Cabela’s. Or they can win a $500 gift certificate for second place. And if you do win, your smoke-free buddy also wins $300 gift certificate. I mean, hey, they didn’t have to quit anything right? They probably have made the difference in prize values in what they haven’t paid for cigarettes in anyway. I plan to participate in Quit and Win, though my chances of both quitting and winning are comparatively low. Even if I don’t win the $3000 gift certificate but do end up kicking the habit, who cares? It’s really worth more than $3000 anyway. It’s a pretty decent assurance on your health (and sexual status, damn you gossipy nurses) for the next couple years. Apart from the University putting forth a valiant effort on its behalf to curb smoking, non-smokers can help too! Don’t scold or pry; that just makes us smokers feel rebellious and we’ll smoke even MORE. Just ask my eighth grade health teacher. All non-smokers have to do is try to talk to smokers more often! Maybe if I hadn’t felt so abandoned and decrepit my first semester I never would have started smoking again. If I had had friends like you, you dear, tobacco-free reader, then maybe I’d be able to run up that flight of stairs, or jog to class or type an article for a student magazine without having to stop and gasp frantically for air. Think about the good you’ll do! Have you hugged your smoker today?

Cole Dennis is a Voices guest columnist and beloved smoker. He welcomes comments at letters@wakenews.org.

Voices

April 26-May 2, 2006

Quitting Smoking and Winning Big No matter why a smoker wants to quit, it always helps to have a little extra help and incentive dave hagen

anna ewart

Like many people, I started smoking because my friends did. I was 16. I started out as a social smoker, but then it became my choice form of stress-relief. A cigarette was my accessory, my excuse and one of my favorite pastimes. In spite of warnings from my mother, who is an oncologist, I smoked daily for three years. I got two tobacco tickets before I turned 18, but I still just couldn’t believe smoking was that bad. I was the lone smoker outside of lecture halls in sub-zero temperatures, which definitely wasn’t social smoking. Nothing was a good enough reason for me to quit until about a month and a half ago. I came home from class on a chilly Tuesday and decided to go for a run. For as long as I had smoked, running had been a relaxing hobby that I enjoyed very much. But this run was different. It sucked. During this three-mile “run,” I was winded the whole time and had to stop and walk about four times. I could finally tell that smoking was catching up with me. When I got home, I was left wondering how I was going to rid myself of this horrible addiction. That same day, I received an email that gave me hope. The University is part of a Quit and Win program, which is a competition for students to quit smoking during the month of April. The top prize is a drawing for a $3,000 gift certificate, but what really got me was the availability of free nicotine replacement therapy (gum, lozenges, patches), which normally are quite expensive. All I had to do was take a urine lab test to prove that I smoked, register with a smoke-free friend and remain smoke-free for

the month of April. The winners will have to take a second lab test to prove that they abstained from smoking throughout the month. Registration for our area’s program was available to students at the University of Minnesota— Twin Cities, Hennepin Technical College, St. Cloud State University and St. Cloud Technical College. According to Maria Rangel, the Quit and Win project coordinator at Boyton Health services, this is the second year in a row that the Hennepin Medical Society has sponsored the program for the university.

For as long as I had smoked, running had been a relaxing hobby that I enjoyed very much. But this run was different. It sucked. She explained to me that Quit and Win is actually an international program supported by the World Health Organization (WHO), and the instillation of a branch in our area was suggested by a former Quit and Win participant who worked at Boynton. The international program is organized every two years and is based on a similarly successful idea in Finland. It began in 1994, with thirteen partici-

pating countries. By 2004, the program was available in seventy-one countries with about 700,000 participating smokers. The program’s organizers see this as a way to raise awareness of smokingrelated health issues and help smokers quit. Last year there were more than 800 participants from our area’s four participating colleges. This year there are 606 total participants, and 391 of which are from the University of Minnesota. These numbers make sense when you consider that last year the grand prize was a trip to the Maya Riviera in Mexico for two. I did not quit because of this year’s grand prize of $3,000. I quit because of the strain that smoking was causing my family, my mind and my lungs. So far, I have been taking advantage of the free nicotine replacement lozenges, and I have never felt so empowered. The Quit and Win program has made me realize that I can quit something that kills roughly 5 million people each year. It helps that my goal is a month without smoking, because I don’t have to tell myself that I will never smoke another cigarette. It’s likely I will be tempted to light up again when I’m at parties or studying abroad, and I can’t say that I will always be able to resist. I doubt that I will ever smoke like I used too, but I know that I will never again need a cigarette because I’m walking to class, driving my car or simply trying to fit in. Anna Ewart is a Voices guest columnist and welcomes comments at letters@wakemag.org.

Voices

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Creating Change While the Band-Aid Holds The role of social justice and charity in modern democracy Democracy, in its most basic definition, means the rule of the people. However, American historians have neglected any information that would contradict democracy in America. Slavery undermined democracy in America until the Civil War. Jim Crow laws and “separate but equal” remained in America until the Civil Rights movement. The absence of workers’ rights until President Franklin Roosevelt’s New Deal isn’t taught in schools. The U.S. government did not allow women’s suffrage until the 19th amendment. The list goes on. African-American’s rights, workers’ rights and women’s rights still have to be fought for—they are not a guarantee. In the past 50 years, many fights joined them: immigrants’ rights, students’ rights, religious rights, homosexuals’ rights, environmental rights and the rights of every non-white minority living in the United States. None of these groups have been or are being advocated for by any elected official. To be fair, President George W. Bush did mention America is underrepresented when he announced in February his plan to cut close to $36 billion over the next five years (and eventually $105 billion in the next ten years) from Medicare and other social programs, such as organizations that represent single mothers seeking child-support from deadbeat dads. Bush is the first American president to not raise taxes during a war, so to make ends meet, the budget trims from social organizations. At the same time, Iraq war spending is constantly rising. According to the Institute for Policy Studies, “Congress has already approved four spending bills for Iraq with funds totaling $204.4 billion and is in the process of approving a ‘bridge fund’ for $45.3 billion to cover operations until another supplemental spending package can be passed ...” Without the help of the U.S. government, America’s minorities—everyone except affluent Christian heterosexual white males—are left to fight for themselves. Two groups have taken up

their crusade: charity organizations and social justice organizations. Charity organizations act has a necessary bandage to make up for the government’s shortcomings. Since charity is similar to a bandage though, it does not attempt to solve what caused the wound it covers. The American Red Cross and ABC’s Extreme Makeover Home Edition are examples of charity—

tom mcnamara the money they generate goes directly to people who need, but these organizations do not ask why the people need it. If America were to depend on charity organizations alone, only some people would receive help and problems would go unsolved. Social justice organizations on the other hand, promote social change in institutions. They define what caused the injury that charity covers and attempt to prevent it from happening again. Social justice starts at the grassroots of an issue and works up. Examples of social justice groups are organizations that advocate on behalf of the underrepresented, organize communities to work together and work to spread education to those that have not had equal access to it due to language or economic barriers. One can volunteer at local schools and assist U.S. immigrants with learning how to read and

comprehend English. One way, and arguably the most important way, to become a part of a social justice movement is to become active in your local community. Ideally, once communities change, then cities will change, then states will change and then finally America will change. However, the social justice movement needs charity organizations to exist in order to ensure that America’s underrepresented can survive until institutional problems that cause the need for charity can be eradicated. The fact that America has some citizens that are dedicated to helping their fellow man and woman will not make up for the lack of U.S. government involvement in assisting in America’s social issues. When Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice asked the Senate for $75 million to promote democracy in Iran, she should have asked the Senate instead for at least $75 million to promote democracy in America, since voter turnout in elections is so low. The U.S. is struggling and its people cannot wait on the government for relief. Americans should not only become involved in social justice and community campaigns, but they should also look to the recent demonstration for workers’ rights in France and the immigration rights’ protests around the United States for examples of how to truly have your voice heard by your government. Now Americans must fight for equality, ensuring true democracy. For more information to become involved in social justice movements at the University of Minnesota, visit the U of M’s Community Involvement and Learning Center on the web at www.servicelearning.umn. edu. Tom McNamara is a Voices columnist and welcomes comments at letters@wakemag.

jeremy sengly

What do you think of the new smoking ban? • By Ryan Rodgers

Brittany Bunkers & Alex Plotz Freshmen, Comm. & Econ.

We’re supportive of the bans but are not that involved because we don’t smoke. Although it’s nice not having clothes stink so bad after coming home from the bar.

Tom Paquette

sophomore, chem. engineering

I like to go out in a smoke free environment and as a smoker don’t mind going out for a cigarette. Except in bowling alleys, it’d be nice to smoke in a bowling alley, having to change shoes every time I have a smoke really slows down play.

Carmen Price

sophomore, english

I like it. I like going out and not worrying about second hand smoke. It’s nice not having to deal with it.

Anish Das

sophomore, chemistry

I don’t mind sticking to smoking and non-smoking sections.

Athletics

April 26-May 2, 2006

New in

New

Faces

Places

Vikings off-season update nick tchida

Upcoming Athletics Events 04/26 • Softball vs. Wisconsin-Green Bay jane sage cowles stadium, 4pm

By craig rentmeester The Vikings 2005 season was filled with accusations and key injuries that led to some of the personnel moves made this spring. Mike Tice is gone and Brad Childress is in at Head Coach. Daunte cleared his name of any boat scandal charges and then was asked to clear his locker. The Vikings had an enormous amount of cap room to spend on free agents and they seized the opportunity accordingly. The Wake will break down the implications of key player acquisitions and give a preview of what the Vikings will be looking for in the NFL draft to be held April 29 and 30. Chester Taylor (Running Back): The former Raven was brought in to take over for Michael Bennett. Taylor, a four-year veteran out of Toledo, had success rushing last year when Jamal Lewis, a former 2,000-yard rusher, couldn’t. Taylor had an average of 4.2 yards per carry last season but failed to score a rushing touchdown. Taylor will handle first and second down, while Onterrio Smith, Mewelde

Moore and Ciatrick Fason will battle in training camp for third down duties. Steve Hutchinson (Offensive Guard): Hutchinson is entering his sixth season and coming off his best year as a professional. Hutchinson opened holes for league MVP and rushing leader, Shaun Alexander. Hutchinson should be able to thrive this season and is the best player the Vikings brought in this off-season. Ryan Longwell (Kicker): Longwell, entering his 10th year in the NFL, served as a dependable kicker for the Green Bay Packers since 1997. Longwell’s career field goal average is 81.6 percent. The one knock against Longwell is his leg strength, especially in terms of kickoffs. Longwell has struggled over the past two seasons to kick the ball inside the opponent’s ten-yard line. Playing eight games in a dome will help Longwell, but don’t be surprised if the Vikings consider adding a kickoff specialist. Tony Richardson (Fullback): Richardson, entering his 12th season, brings Pro Bowl experience to a rather young Vikings offensive unit. Richardson

blocked for Preist Holmes in 2003 when he scored 27 times. Richardson’s best asset apart from his blocking is his receiving ability. The acquisition of Richardson should help Chester Taylor’s transition to the Vikings as the Chiefs had one of the league’s best rushing units over the past few seasons. Acquisitions: RB Chester Taylor, OG Steve Hutchinson, K Ryan Longwell, LB Ben Leber, FB Joey Goodspeed, OG Jason Whittle, QB Mike McMahon, S Tank Williams, FB Tony Richardson. Losses: QB Daunte Culpepper, WR Nate Burleson, S Corey Chavous, RB Michael Bennett, LB Sam Cowart, CB Brian Williams, OG Toniu Fonoti, C Melvin Fowler, LB Raonall Smith.

04/26 • Baseball vs. South Dakota State

The Draft

04/29 • Rowing- Big Ten Championships

With Daunte Culpepper gone and Brad Johnson aging, the Vikings will likely draft a quarterback at some point during the draft. The Vikings will draft at least one linebacker and a cornerback to add depth at those positions after losing Sam Cowart and Brian Williams.

metrodome, 6:30pm

04/28 • Softball vs. Indiana jane sage cowles stadium, 6pm

04/28 • Baseball vs. Illinois metrodome, 6:30pm

04/29 • Softball vs. Indiana jane sage cowles stadium, 12pm

04/29 • Baseball vs. Illinois metrodome, 2pm

Lake phalen, st. Paul, Minn, 10am

04/30 • Softball vs. Purdue Jane sage cowles Stadium, 12noon

04/30 • Baseball vs. Illinois metrodome, 1pm

04/27-4/30 • Men’s Tennis- Big Ten Championships baseline tennis center

Athletics

www.wakemag.org

Q&A

with

D.J. Geatz Nischela Reddy and

The Men’s and Women’s no. 1 singles players discuss the upcoming Big Ten Championships

jessalynn courtney

By brian tolentino The Big Ten Men’s and Women’s Tennis Championships are near (April 27 to April 30), and both teams are aiming to win their respected conferences. But this will be a difficult task considering both the men and women will probably have to overcome division goliaths to win. The women’s conference goliath manifests herself as a wildcat. The Northwestern Wildcats have won seven consecutive Big Ten Championships and they are once again dominating the division with an undefeated conference record. The women’s conference championship will be held in Champaign, Ill. Meanwhile, the men’s division has been dominated by Illinois, with the Illini winning four consecutive division championships. But this season Ohio State gave the rest of the Big Ten hope when it ended Illinois’ 86 game conference winning streak with a victory on April 2. With the men’s tennis championships at Baseline Center this year, the men hope to use their home court advantage to win their first Big Ten Championship since 1995.

Q&A with D.J. Geatz The Wake: How do you like the Gopher’s chances at the Big Ten Championships this year? Geatz: Our opportunities have just opened up big time with Ohio State, the best team in the Big Ten, losing one of their starters. We had them on the ropes and should have won. Every player on our team is getting better and picking up their game. We’re definitely going to be scary playing on our

home courts. We feel like we have a huge home court advantage because our courts play different than any other courts around the country. They are so slow and all our guys on our team are used to them. We have good ground strokers and I feel like we have as good of shot as any. The Wake: What Big Ten team would you like to beat the most at the Big Ten Championships? Geatz: I would have to say Illinois because they’ve won it the past couple of years and they are a cocky team. They definitely walk around with their nose up in the air and they think they are big time. I think it would be awesome to take those guys down and humble them a little bit. The Wake: Do you feel added pressure being the men’s no. 1 singles player? Geatz: Definitely, playing number one there’s a ton of pressure. All the guys on our team are so close; we all beat each other on our day. But by me playing one, every single team’s number one guy in the country is great. Every match I go out and I know I am going to have a dog fight, whereas our number five guy Raul, who is just as good as me, he usually wins easy. Still I love playing number one and I think it is going to make me better in the long run. The Wake: Since you are a junior, how do you think the men’s tennis team is going to do next season? Geatz: That’s a good question. I really don’t know. We are all juniors except for one guy who is

a very good player for us. We should have a great team and if we can get some recruits in we should have a shot to win it all.

Q&A with Nischela Reddy The Wake: How do you like the Gopher’s chances at the Big Ten Championships this year? Reddy: I think we have a pretty good chance. Other than Northwestern, we have a good shot at beating every team in the Big Ten. I think it really depends on how well we play that particular day and if we all really fight at every single spot in the lineup. I would say our chances are good. The Wake: What team would you like to beat the most at the Big Ten Championships? Reddy: It would be sweet to beat Northwestern. Just to see the looks on their faces. They would never expect to lose to us. They have pretty much beaten every team 7-0, so it would be pretty entertaining. The Wake: Do you feel added pressure being the no. 1 singles player? Reddy: No, not really. Every match counts for one point. I think it is equally important that everyone wins so I don’t really feel added pressure. The Wake: Since you are a senior, what are your plans after graduation? Reddy: Oh gosh, I don’t know. I don’t graduate until December so I am hoping to get an internship this summer. After that, hopefully I can get a year long internship somewhere in marketing.

brennan vance

Photography by Aaron Ridgeway

April 26-May 2, 2006

www.wakemag.org

Photography

Get Published! Get in contact with Photo Editor Brennan Vance at bvance@wakemag.org for more information.

Feature

April 26-May 2, 2006

BRENNAN VANCE

Feature

www.wakemag.org

by jeff barthel fter a convincing three-game sweep to begin its 2006 home schedule, Minnesota looks like a baseball team that’s finally found some power in its bats … By Minnesota, I mean the Twins. The Gophers? Not so much. Coming off a sub-par 2005 season, the Twins began its new season with 13 homeruns in its first nine games. The Gophers baseball team, on the other hand, knocked out five homeruns through its first 27 games. This had the beloved campus club ranking second to last in homers among its Big Ten competitors. Then came the 28th game, an April 12 non-conference game at South Dakota State. Four homers and 16 runs highlighted a Gophers victory that kept the team above the .500 mark. Could this be the start of a Big Ten surge? Or, might this just have been a mid-week slaughter of a weak, non-conference foe—something they were unable to do in their first eight conference contests? In his 25th year as head coach of Minnesota baseball, John Anderson led his Gophers program in opening its Big Ten schedule with a four-game set against Penn State. The result was a 2-2 split. The two wins featured strong pitching that was backed up with homeruns by John Arlt and Mike Mee. In the U’s second conference series, the Gophers welcomed the Michigan Wolverines to the Metrodome. This was a team Minnesota swept last year (outscoring Michigan 23-8) in the same venue. This year, however, Minnesota lost three of four, with its one win coming in extra innings. Also, the one win came on Sat. April 8, courtesy of a Dan Lyons game-winning single in the 8th. The Gophers failed to hit a home run in the series. Following the Michigan series was the win over SDSU. In the victory, Minnesota received a 4-6, 2 RBI effort from senior Luke MacLean and a threerun homer by Lyons. While the first-year Gopher, Lyons, has come through with some clutch hitting—as of April 14 he ranked second on the team in RBI (16). However, Lyons also toted a batting average of .232 at this time that had a heavy influence on Minnesota’s .251 team average; second to worst in the conference. The good news is that Minnesota gets to face Big Ten cellar dwelling Iowa for four games in Iowa City. The bad news is they’ve also got a four-game series with the 2005 Big Ten regular season champs (Illinois), four games at Ohio State, the ’05 tournament champions, and another four at Northwestern. That said, there’s a possibility the Gophers could do something it hasn’t done in 44 years; finish under .500—Minnesota’s 1962 team won just three Big Ten games, losing its final contest against Iowa to finish 14-16. In avoiding what would be a very dubious distinction, two things are in the 2006 Gophers favor. One, if this team is anywhere similar to last year’s they will make a late season run that will propel them toward the Big Ten championship— Minnesota lost the 2005 title to Ohio State after entering the tournament in sixth place. And, two, this year’s Golden Gophers can pitch!

Golden Arms Look to Lead Minnesota Back to Glory All those baseball fans beginning to feel sad about your 2006 squad…feel sad no more. Why? Four reasons: Bull, Brabender, Gaub and DeVries.

Despite losing its top game-winner from last season (Matt Loberg, 8-5), Minnesota returns its other three starters and has added an extremely dangerous fourth. Senior Brian Bull, sophomore Dustin Brabender and junior pitchers John Gaub and Cole DeVries compose a starting rotation full of potential. A lefthander from the college baseball capital of the World (Omaha, Nebraska), Bull would love to lead his 2006 Gophers to his hometown for the College World Series. Though that may be a lofty challenge, one thing is certain—Bull has some seriously good stuff. In his senior year, the 6-foot-1 southpaw has been stifling the bats of his ’06 opponents in leading the Gophers pitchers. Throughout his eight starts leading into mid-April, Bull’s been the staff stal-

Could this be the start of a Big Ten surge? Or, might this just have been a mid-week slaughter of a weak, non-conference foe—something they were unable to do in their first eight conference contests? wart—tossing a team-leading 51.1 innings, notching a team best of 34 strikeouts as well. The youngest of the Gophers starting core is Brabender. This 20-year-old from Oregon (Wisc.) stands 6-feet-6-inches and possesses a powerful arm with a nice ability to mix in a solid breaker. Brabender demonstrated his pitching prowess particularly well in an April 8 outing vs. Michigan. Making his sixth start of the season, the lanky right-hander demonstrated a smooth delivery and impeccable control in silencing Wolverines bats, striking out five and allowing no walks while tossing a career-high 6.1 innings. Next on Minnesota’s dangerous rotation of hurlers is Gaub. A stealthy game-saver in 2005, the lefty from St. Paul has mid-90s speed and phenomenal strikeout capability. This made him an ideal closer last season, when he posted 65 strikeouts through 39 innings. This season, Gaub (who sustained off-season surgery) has returned in a starting role, making his first start of the season in the night game of his team’s double-header with Michigan April 8. Gaub, a Minnesota Twins draftee (2004, 25th round), will be fine tuning his skills in hopes of helping his Gophers to its fourth Big Ten title in five seasons. The final key component in Minnesota’s powerful pitching engine is DeVries, a junior from Eden Prarie, Minn. As Minnesota’s most experienced starter, DeVries has been tremendous in 2006. Early in the season, DeVries threw a six-inning, four-hit gem in a win over Notre Dame. Since then, DeVries has also gotten off to a great beginning in conference play. The rubber-armed right-hander pitched several innings of great baseball in each of his first two Big Ten starts—throwing 7.2 innings of shutout ball in a

win over Penn State, then tossing nine for a complete-game, hard-luck loss (2-0) to Michigan. As April dwindles down, the competition heats up. Minnesota and its four horsemen rotation look to lead the Gophers to the top of the Big Ten again. After a tremendous effort fell short in last year’s Big Ten Championship game, Minnesota’s dominant foursome of starters will hope to get better contributions from their batsmen in facing the Buckeyes May 12-14 in Columbus. In the meantime, the Gophers will host a tough Illinois team at the Metrodome this Friday-Sunday with hopes of regaining their traditional, winning form.

Feature

April 26-May 2, 2006

Feature

www.wakemag.org

by nicholas upton It’s still dark, it’s still jazzy, but since the smoking ban went into effect at 12:01 a.m. March 31, the Artist’s Quarter is oddly clean. The ban was signed by Mayor Chris Coleman almost a year after his predecessor Randy Kelly vetoed a similar bill. The fight to stay smoking wasn’t as fierce this time around, but there were still many dissenters. “It’s a jazz club, you should be able to smoke,” Dave Horst, bartender at the once smoky Artist’s Quarter, says. In the weeks after the revised smoking ban went into effect, the smokers of St. Paul have found new places to smoke. “I smoke at home, on my balcony,” Lauren Bartley says. Bartley and people like her are doing just the thing St. Paul bar owners fear most, and what many have experienced. St. Paul bars have seen a drastic change in business since the ban went into effect. “There are a lot fewer people, especially on the weekends,” Joe Young says. As a bartender at Gabe’s By The Park, Young was used to a packed, smoky bar at game time and through the week-

“The people who pushed for this bill don’t care about small bars turning into Applebee’s.” end. Gabe’s, situated between St. Paul and Minneapolis, was one of the 16 small bars that fought against the ban to the bitter end. The establishments that fought the hardest were those who depended on people commuting from Minneapolis or other surrounding suburbs, many of whom have stopped coming. In one respect, Gabe’s has come out ahead of many of the local bars. Unlike the smaller local pubs and hidden venues, Gabe’s hasn’t lost its regulars. “They said they would leave, but ended up staying,” Young says, raising his glass to a crowd of elderly golfers down the bar. Not everyone was so lucky. The Turf Club, one of St. Paul’s oldest bars, has lost many of its regulars. “It’s mostly the working folks that have stopped showing up,” Dave Ricker says. “The people who get off work and want to relax with a beer and a cigarette have probably just gone home.” Ricker, a veteran bartender at the Turf Club, has also seen a sharp decline during the venue’s many concerts. Before the ban, concertgoers would show up for the whole show and smoke and drink to their heart’s content. Now patrons trickle in for the bands they want to see, slashing their bar tabs and the club’s profits. Ricker agrees that the ban is good for public health; it has even helped him cut back on his own smoking. And Ricker, like most bartenders, serv-

The newest smoking ban isn’t just about health ryan rodgers

ers and owners has seen the statistics and the good that smoking bans created in places like California, where the number of smokers has dropped 32.5 percent since 1988. If the ban were merely a question of health, it would have passed ages ago, but it’s not, he says. A broader question of a city’s character and quality of life can’t be measured by statistics. “The people who pushed for this bill don’t care about small bars turning into Applebee’s,” Ricker says. Corporate places like Old Chicago and TGI Friday’s, with their razor-thin profit margins and huge budgets for perks like heat lamps, continue with business as usual. Though Dave Thune, author of the ban, says bar owners will receive grant money to update their establishments, many are still skeptical that the money will do any good. The law states that sidewalk seating and patios must leave three feet for walkers to pass. But places like the Turf Club situated along old streets and small sidewalks have little hope of putting their grant money to use. “It depends on the City Council,” Ricker says. “We’ve hardly got the space now.” Even if council members O.K. a few chairs in front of the club, it will be up to patrons to sit alongside noisy traffic and thick exhaust. For the sake of fairness, most people prefer a statewide ban. According to a survey done by the Artist’s Quarter, 69 percent of respondents agreed that a blanket ban is necessary. “It’s not fair that [the ban] changes at every border,” says Kim Erickson, a waitress and bartender. “When you’re dealing with a huge metro area, it must be universal.” Thune and proponents of the ban say that once the cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul show that the ban works and that people want it, the rest of the state will follow. But until then, profits are being spread dangerously thin for small bars under the current ban. Regardless of the health issues and a preference for a statewide ban, smokers and non-smokers alike think there should be a place to smoke besides the great outdoors. “I don’t know what the answer is,” Erickson says, “but people who drink have bars, fat people have McDonald’s—smokers should have a place too.”

Literary

April 26-May 2, 2006

Interview

stacy bengs

Brian Malloy: by jacob steinbauer For those of us who attended the T.C. Boyle reading, author and University of Minnesota graduate instructor Brian Malloy may not come across with the same prestige—he hasn’t authored two dozen books, gone on as many European tours that he’s forgotten most of or won enough awards to sell books without a promo advisor. Malloy represents another side of successful writing. He does what he wants and still gets paid for it, which puts him in a percentile over those of us who dream of our first novel’s success without having written it. Malloy’s on his third book, and won’t stop until writing’s no longer fun for him. The Wake: I think most readers think of writers as aspiring to be one of two personas: do you see yourself leaning toward the rock n’ roll super star—in your face, rebellious badass; or the English professor—locked up in the ivory tower with dangling modifiers and who/whom exercises? Malloy: (laughs) I feel too old for the former and too young for the latter. I don’t know; there are so many stereotypes associated with writing— and many of them well deserved. We tend to take ourselves way too seriously. Writing’s just one of several things I do. And if you made me choose between writing and going to the Boundary Waters, I’d choose the Boundary Waters. Writing is not something I have to do. I enjoy it, and as long as I

enjoy it, I’ll keep doing it—and when it stops being fun I’ll move on to something else. I don’t take it as seriously as other serious writers do. The Wake: How has your process changed when writing different kinds of fiction? Malloy: It was hard shift to go from what workshop encourages, which is insightful, literary work, to a young adult novel. I think young adult is as much work, but I don’t think it gets the respect as a genre as it deserves. It was difficult to go from workshop where people debate small details and look for meaning in everything, and have permission to write a novel from the perspective of a 17-year-old girl, which is challenging for me as a 45-year-old man (laugh). I just have some fun; I experiment. Young adult gives more permission to make mistakes; literary fiction…where is this being published again (laughs)? The Wake: The Wake. Malloy: It takes itself too seriously. The Wake: When do you know a novel is done, and have you ever wanted to change anything after it’s been published? Malloy: Yes. I never know when it’s done, and I always want to change it. The Year of Ice has been out four years now, and if I had the opportunity I’d make changes to it. But at some point, it becomes community property—just because I’m the writer doesn’t mean I’m entitled to make changes, that my opinion of the story is any more valid than the

reader’s. That’s the hard part to accept: launching it and having people love it or hate it, and thinking to yourself, “Why are you reacting this way? That’s not what I meant—you’re supposed to be loving this book.” The Wake: If you could have every American read one novel—any novel—what would it be and why? Malloy: (shakes his head). The Wake: I know, these are the kinds of questions that need weeks or even months to think about, but unfortunately you don’t get that much time. Malloy: Well, what’s today’s date? April … The Wake: Thirteenth. Malloy: On April 13, as of this time, I would probably go with The Handmaid’s Tale, even though it was written in the mid-’80s. The trends in society that it addresses and speculates on are even more with us today. I think people have to stop paying attention to American Idol and start paying attention to our foreign policy. Wake up. And I think The Handmaid’s Tale is a good cautionary tale of what happens when people hide behind the Bible or the flag when told it’s for our own good. I think that would be the book considering the times we’re living in right now. The Wake: One last question: Do you have a favorite quotation and, if so, what is it? Malloy: Sally Brown, Peanuts: “I’m losing my mind and nobody cares.”

Editor’s Note O.K., so I have some interactive poetry for you. Kai Carlson-Wee has written a poetry challenge, which consists of a poem and questions about it. The first person to answer the questions correctly wins a Wake T-shirt! You can email your responses to literary@wakemag.org. Also in this issue, “The Exhibit” by Sean Cudeck continues. If you missed the first installment of his story please visit www.wakemag.org for the entire piece. Till next time, enjoy the spring weather and read something indulgent. Kim Gengler

Literary Editor

Literary

www.wakemag.org

The Exhibit Part II by sean cudeck

here was one lone guard on the fourth floor. He was old, his limbs were weak. He wasn’t about to go running around like the others. He would be of more use, he told himself, staying at his post. Let the others give chase. He had spent most of his life tending the museum, and he liked it. It was quiet and peaceful. He knew every inch of it, knew the routines and systems, knew how to handle all the little problems that worked their way in from the outside. Management was always changing, new guards and new bosses coming and going, above and below him. But the museum hadn’t changed, not really, and neither had the people who visited it. He loved them, for some reason. Loved the upturned looks of curiosity on their faces, and loved the things on which they looked. He felt a strange sympathy for these objects, trapped in place, never changing, standing still. It was just a job to all the others. They didn’t love anything. But he did. What was that breeze? He turned to the window behind him, and there in a shifting waterfall of quiet stood the stranger. He didn’t stand for long though. The window edge stood broken and jagged, but where was the glass? Where was the noise? The old man raised his right hand to gesture stop, moved his left to the radio on his belt and opened his mouth to say something, anything. But he saw the smile and the motion and sound stopped. The stranger ran forward, smile never wavering, stride never breaking, and as he passed, he looked at the old man and winked. The guard relaxed. Everything, he now understood, was going to be okay. The fourth floor was where they kept the rotating exhibits, the traveling pieces that moved from museum to museum. It had drawn larger crowds than the other floors, so the rooms were more densely populated with last minute visitors. The exhibit currently on display was a collection of musical instruments, the oldest in the world. Each room had its own family: percussion, wind, string, metal and stone and wood. Each piece was untapped, unopened. Unused. They didn’t move as he passed them. They didn’t catch the light. They didn’t make a sound. As the stranger ran, they were terribly,

utterly still. There was a highlight in the exhibit, a crowning achievement. It was a violin. It sat in a room of its own, poised on a low stone pillar, surrounded by a glass case and a velvet rope and a wide open space. There was a camera in the upper corner of the room that rested its gaze all day on the instrument’s quiet form. As people, in the course of their wandering, moved from room to room, they instinctually saved this one for last. They sensed it was different somehow, so they wove their way through the circuit of rooms and hallways until they were sure they could see no more, until they were sure it was finally right to enter. Then they would step from the crowded galleries of horns and lyres and drums onto the empty wooden floor, into the pale light, that was the home of the violin. But when they approached, when they walked out into the open and quietly stood before it, they were confused. Every piece in the museum had history. The pieces wouldn’t be there otherwise. And that history was always on display, etched into the narrow gray confines of a small placard sitting before each piece. Names, dates, facts, all faithfully encapsulated in plastic for the edification of the museum’s guests. This exhibit had a little plaque as well, attached to the front of its pillar. It was bigger than the rest. But it was blank. There was no information of any kind, no history or heritage, not even a name. Every other exhibit at least had that, the title of Bowl or Hammer, Robe or Sword, convenient labels and tidy definitions. But there was nothing here. The violin sat in its case, and each observer had nothing but the deep golden gleam of the wood, the elegant curve of the neck, the subtle tension of the bow to read. The mute instrument yielded no answers. The people who had made or played it were of no importance. Those who bought or sold it were of no importance. Trapped in its glass prison, it seemed to stare, unblinking, back at its observers. There was something about it, something in or around it, something that made it seem vaguely and quietly alive. Each person stood before it, peered and wondered. Then left. It was no mystery they could solve. So they left. The stranger was gaining speed now. His exertions hadn’t tired him, and he was nearly there. He didn’t go through the circuit like everyone else, and as he ran, the people he passed all turned. They froze for a moment. They looked at him like an ex-

hibit, with curiosity, quiet and introspective. And inexplicably they needed to know him, where he was going, what he would do, so they turned and followed. The guards, just arriving, joined the newly formed ranks, shouting and pushing. They knew they were too late, knew he was just beyond their grasp. With the crowds closing in from all sides, he burst from their view, into the final room and stood before the violin. The glass fell. They were just in time to see it, spilling over the threshold of the room, just as it started to drop. It fell like snow. Silent. It caught the light in a thousand shining points as it slowly showered down around the man, around the instrument. But the glittering barbs were quiet, and for an awful moment so was everything else. No breath rasped as it was drawn, no footsteps sounded as they fell. For that instant, the world was captured in falling glass. But the stranger was still moving, faster than the others. His left hand closed around the violin, his right around the bow. His feet left the ground and he was on the pillar where the captive instrument had lain. And as the silent, aching moment passed, as the glass fell soundlessly to earth, he began to play. They stopped. Everyone. Instantly. How could they not? How could they move, in the face of that terrible, beautiful sound? They swayed to a stop, a single mass, as the first impossible strains of the music echoed outwards from the stranger, striking them still. What was he playing? What could it possibly be? Later, no one remembered, no one could even hum one line of it. It was impossible. The music filled the room like a living thing, like a million living things, every note a terrible blow from the thousand captured vessels that lay dying in the museum’s halls. The walls could not have shook. The lights could not have quavered. The people could not have sunk to their knees, driven downwards. But they did. The awful majesty of the music crashed around them, vibrated in the air, an unplayable chaos of swoops and stutters and screams, of reverberating sound. It was angry, so angry, that the people balled their hands into impotent, shaking fists. It was sad, they knew, as the tears slid silky down their cheeks. It was lonely, and each of them was alone with it, alone with that impossible stranger and his violin. His fingers moved across the strings like the dappled flow of water, his arm worked the bow like fire. He moved so fast, and so slow. He was almost motionless. But no matter the contorted insanity of his fingers, or

the chaos of the music swirling mindlessly around him, his eyes shone, and from his face there burned a final, terrible smile. Free. That was the end of the song. After an uncountable eternity of playing, it was free. The sound impossibly swelled around him in a final surge, a dying struggle, and the people whimpered into the ground, the shaking, shifting ground beneath them, and the building began to change. The first notes of that ending fell below on room upon room of melting paint. The forgotten masterpieces oozed and poured, their substance sluicing downwards from their frames, their smiles consumed in the swirling mess. Like blood, the rivers ran across the floor, mingling the essence of their lost masters, leaving nothing but empty traces on the walls. The middle notes rose to the galleries above, and hundreds of quaking relics were already splintering from their pedestals. There was rust spreading like a virus over the smooth planes of metal, rot eating into the wood. Angled shapes drooped and split all around, shattered and broke. Soon the pedestals were empty, and the cases bare. The final notes, the end of the end, rose higher and were met by a thousand other inanimate voices from the dark vibration of the instruments. The strings and skins and other dead substances shook, each making its own noise in its own way, each sound released into the un-caged air. There were shrieks and groans, screams and sighs, as the instruments gave up their quiet, forgotten lives, as they sounded one final time. And glass fell everywhere. It skittered across the wood and paint, the stone and metal, the petty fabrics of the world that lay dying on the floor. It floated and glittered, a hardened funeral shroud, a window that couldn’t be looked through and a mirror that couldn’t reflect. The lifeless things lay strewn everywhere, broken amidst the glass. And the stranger played his final note. It didn’t leave the room, didn’t leave the air, but stood and expanded in the space above their heads. It didn’t go after it was played, didn’t fade away. It grew, and the people shrank back as the stranger dropped slowly down. His feet landed silently, his hands empty, his smile unmoving on his mouth. There was, somehow, an open door, a stair leading down, that no one had noticed before. And as he ran towards it, as his body was consumed by the echoing dark, as the museum lay ruined all around, the people turned away from him and looked. They looked, and the violin lay broken on the ground.

Swollen [Buzz] by kai carlson-wee

The edge of my mind is a tethered bee that flies around a pencil on a mint-green line of floss. If I was smart I wouldn’t touch it, but my heart has thick red secrets, and from time to time they bug me and I have to write them down.

March 20, 2006, 1:41 a.m. Questions 1. What are the “thick red secrets”? 2. Who or what is the antagonist of this poem? 3. What is “it” in line four? 4. What is the form of the poem?

Literary

April 26-May 2, 2006

Democracy by abbey klepetka

We voted in the van apple orchard, corn maze, or petting zoo first? Petting zoo first. I sprinted ahead of my sister toward an aluminum gate and a dented garbage can, but instead of the glassy gloss of horsehair, a yellow jacket reached me first. Me first? My finger pricked by the needle of that buzzing spindle-wheel. And then onto the corn maze, my sister in the lead and me behind my extended hand humming with pain? Past the moan of dried corn husks. And all in-between I remember only my hand and myself, hating democracy.

2C Franklin to Central by alice battey

(Ago) The first time I rode a school bus I cried and clutched and nearly lost my way And the teacher said maybe it would take me Where I needed to go And my parents were not at home. (Today) City buses don’t have to stop if you look like indecision. Cradling indecision has creased my face So I wave to the bus to spotlight my intention Slouch of weary seat Uncommitted to my goal of passing with direction I pull the cord twice to unload. (Evening) Less than my want to venture out Is my want to retreat defenseless, undecided To books and spiteful comments hurled to walls I must define as comfort Lest the bus take me both ways to homelessness. I pull the cord once and step off. (Tomorrow) I can settle my differences with bus rides If one way, just one, will be home.

Now Hiring

Fall 2006

Liminal Celebrate the release of

Reading and Release Event

“Liminal,” a literary journal sponsored by The Wake Student Magazine. Copies of “Liminal” will be available at the reading, in addition to free Wake Tshirts for published writers and artists. We will also have free “Liminal” buttons, a drawing for gift certificates, and music. Please come join us.

7 p.m. on Friday, April 28 Manhattan Loft 802 Washington Ave. SE Minneapolis, MN 55455

Sound &Vision

! w o P

Comics in Cinema

April 26-Mar 2, 2006

By ethan krueger Your shoes stick to the tacky theater lobby as, popcorn in hand, you wait for the orange vests to open the theater doors. A hero’s symbol puffs with pride on your shirt, cracked and faded by years of love. A nervous tic works at your cheek as you tap your watch, unable to believe that after years of waiting, you must wait still. And then, in the ticket line behind you, you overhear: “How about we see that V for Vendetta movie?” “Ugh. A comic book movie? Let’s see something good.” It’s a sentiment uttered far too often, and weighted with enough ignorance to make pre-crisis Superman’s knees buckle. Comic book movies

Spider-Man (2002)

X-Men (2000) Director: Bryan Singer Starring: Hugh Jackman, Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellen, Halle Berry and Famke Janssen X-Men went down in history as the first successful superhero-team movie. Focusing on Marvel’s iconic Wolverine, Bryan Singer brought a cast of fan-favorite mutants to life and pitted them against the fearsome Magneto, portrayed by Ian McKellen (of Gandalf fame). Patrick Stewart rose to the role of the wheelchair-bound Professor Charles Xavier, a potent telepath and pacifist with his own team of militant super-teenagers to spread his message of peace (by force, if necessary). Dazzling special effects and a phenomenal effort from the cast made X-Men an instant hit. The movie grossed over $54 million in its opening weekend and put Marvel in the definitive lead for super-hero movies.

Daredevil (2003) Director: Mark Steven Johnson Starring: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Garner, Colin Farrell and Michael Clarke Duncan Fresh off the success of Spider-Man, Marvel decided to next chronicle the life and times of its blind lawyer-turned-superhero. What else can you do with radar-like sense and a stylish cane, but dress like Satan and wail on mob bosses? Farrell’s psychotic take on the master assassin Bullseye made for some amusing sequences and incredible fights. But mixed reviews and an unenthusiastic reception by fans left Daredevil stumbling in the dark.

are a longstanding cinematic tradition that date all the way back to 1939 with the Batman serial series. Over the years, comic book movies have become an integral part of American culture; from Superman, which launched Christopher Reeve into stardom; to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in 1990, which delighted children and irritated parents. These movies are a stunning and uniquely American form of entertainment. In present day, with waning ideas, writers’ strikes, and a glut of remakes, Hollywood has come to rely more and more on comic books and their time-tested visual storytelling to keep audiences in theaters. Some of these movies have been complete flops, but their sheer numbers have made this decade belong to superheroes.

Director: Sam Raimi Starring: Tobey Maguire, Willem Dafoe, Kirsten Dunst and James Franco In 2002, audiences watched Tobey Maguire do whatever a spider can, and loved it. Led by Sam Raimi, a B-movie alumnus who hit the directorial jackpot, this movie is proof of the success that comes from putting a true fan on the helm of a comic-tomovie translation. Special effects weren’t quite up to snuff for the challenge of making Spidey’s 3-D acrobatics visually believable, but that didn’t hinder its success. With an original story which is familiar even to people who have never picked up a comic book, SpiderMan launched a sequel for itself before it even left theaters.

The Hulk (2003) Director: Ang Lee Starring: Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliot and Nick Nolte One of the disappointments of the comic-movie continuum, The Hulk had potential to be a success but dropped the ball. Special effects have progressed far enough to create an engaging, if not believable, green giant to rampage across the silver screen. Director Ang Lee, fresh off the wildly successful American release of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, created a story with the cadence and flow of a Dickenson poem. Translated to the big screen, it became a long, and, convoluted, two-hour movie intermittent with pointless fight scenes, and capped with an ending that made no sense. To the regret of those who paid to see it, Lee and his production team failed to realize that The Hulk’s reason for being is to smash the fuck out of whatever he sees.

Sound & Vision

www.wakemag.org

Hellboy (2004)

Elektra (2005)

Director: Guillermo Del Toro Starring: Ron Perlman, John Hurt, Selma Blair, Karel Roden and David Hyde Pierce An odd name for an odd hero, Hellboy brought to the silver screen the tongue-in-cheek heroics of Mike Mignola’s demonic comic book character. Ron Perlman, usually thrust into villainous roles for his gravelly voice, donned a massive red muscle suit to battle a reincarnated Rasputin (Roden) and his band of Nazi collaborators. Confused? Don’t worry. Hellboy’s snappy dialogue, unique humor, quirky characters, and fast-paced action made up for its predictable ending.

Director: Rob Bowman Starring: Jennifer Garner, Terence Stamp, Kirsten Prout and Goran Visnjic What’s worse than an unnecessary sequel? An unnecessary sequel spawned from a mediocre movie. Jennifer Garner reprised her role as the tertiary Marvel character Elektra…only instead of being a ninja assassin, as she was in the comics, this Elektra is a ninja heroine protecting children out of the goodness of her heart. Huh? With ridiculous special effects, characters that refused to compel us, and almost no story to speak of, Elektra falls squarely into the ‘Why was I made?’ category of cinema.

Constantine (2005)

Sin City (2005)

Director: Francis Lawrence Starring: Keanu Reeves, Rachel Weisz, Shia LeBeouf and Tilda Swinton Formula for an Alan Moore comic movie: take one book (Hellblazer); reinvent the main character (wisecracking Brit becomes stoic American); throw in a wooden star (Reeves); ignore source plotlines entirely; serve. While Constantine possessed the star power and special effects to make up for its wafer-thin story and deus ex machina ending, fans of the Hellblazer series were baffled by Hollywood’s need to change a series that didn’t need tweaking in the first place. Still, seeing Reeves giving Satan the finger may be enough for some to justify the rental cost.

Batman Begins (2005) Director: Christopher Nolan Starring: Christian Bale, Michael Caine, Liam Neeson and Katie Holmes Director Chris Nolan set out to reinvent the Batman franchise, and succeeded in a big way. Batman Begins retells the story of the Dark Knight’s legendary origins. Christian Bale became the first actor to persuasively play both Bruce Wayne and Batman (apologies to Adam, Michael, Val and George, but it’s true). With a seedy Gotham City molded from the streets of Chicago, convincing bat-gadgets, and an impressive Batmobile, Batman Begins single-handedly made audiences forgive the franchise for the cinematic cancer which was 1997’s Batman and Robin.

Director: Frank Miller, Robert Rodriguez Starring: Bruce Willis, Clive Owen, Jessica Alba and Benicio Del Toro Frank Miller’s gritty noir caricature shocked and delighted audiences last year, leaving its mark as the most true-to-source comic book movie to date. Rodriguez worked closely with Miller to develop the visual design and cinematography used in creating this collage of crime, love and violence in sleazy Basin City. Supposedly, the comics themselves were used as storyboards. An all-star cast lifted their characters right from the pages of the graphic novels onto the silver screen, all to a constant narration that broke a fundamental rule of cinema with terrific results. Before Sin City, audiences had never watched a comic book.

Fantastic Four (2005) Director: Tim Story Starring: Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Julian McMahon Most people don’t know that Marvel’s first family had a movie of their exploits made back in 1992. The result of early ’90s special effects combined with an unwatchable plot tanked the movie before it ever hit theaters. It now circulates on the bootleg market as a curio. The latest attempt looked prettier, but still had a long way to go. With a thin story, continuity problems, and a distinct lack of super-battles, Fantastic Four failed to live up to its 40-plus years of source material. The actors’ devotion to their roles (excluding Alba’s Reed-obsessed Susan Storm) remains the bright spot in this otherwise dim view of Marvel’s iconic family.

V For Vendetta (2006) Director: James McTieque Starring: Natalie Portman, Hugo Weaving, Stephen Rea and Stephen Fry After four previous bastardizations based on his source material, graphic novelist Alan Moore refused to attach his name to this project. Too bad, as this is the first movie to draw from his work that actually follows it. Taking a dangerous stance on the positive, patriotic aspects of violence and terrorism, V For Vendetta took a refreshing chance in an industry riddled with conformity and repetition. Using Natalie Portman’s shaven head as a selling point was an odd, but ultimately successful, marketing ploy, and taught us that bald truly is beautiful.

Sound & Vision

April 26-May 2, 2006

Movie Review

Brick By chris wilson “Ask any dope rat where the junk’s spraying and they’ll say they scraped it off that, who scored it off this, who bought it off someone; after four or five connections, the list always ends with the Pin.” Right there is your typical piece of dialogue from the recent neo-noir Brick. It’s that kind of overthe-top pulp novel speak that will either make you giddy with absurdity or completely turn you off. The story’s crimes and investigations all happen in and around a California high school, a locale rife for noir treatment. With that as a backdrop, the

The Accessible

Avant-Garde

Sound Check brings new music to the Southern Theater

film creates an interesting, immersive world—as long as you can accept teenagers who live a typical high school life while saying and doing things along the lines of Pulp Fiction. Brick’s plot has all the essentials of a great, generic, hard-boiled detective story. A tough, streetsmart outsider, Brendan Frye (Joseph GordonLevitt…yeah, the kid from Third Rock from the Sun), shoves his way into the criminal underworld of his high school after his ex-girlfriend gives him a cryptic plea for help then suddenly disappears. On his way to the truth, he’s forced to deal with the perpetually strung-out drug fiend, the vampy temptress, the high school hired thug and a toughtalking “cop” in the form of a vice principal. There are crosses, double-crosses and plenty of difficult to follow dialogue. While it sounds somewhat ridiculous—and in many ways it is—Brick still packs some wallops, both viscerally and emotionally. There’s plenty of violence that the faint of heart or stomach may not be able to handle. What works in this odd combination of silly and disturbing is Brendan’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend. She left him because of how fiercely protective he was of her, even when she didn’t want protecting. His love is the most intense type I can think of. It’s not a love of two people mad with passion for each other, but that of a person who’s still able to completely and selflessly care for someone, even after they’ve turned their back. Brick is the kind of film that really demands multiple viewings. There’s definitely enough plot (not to mention enough crazy film-noir speak) to warrant it. While it doesn’t do anything revolutionary with the noir genre, the film updates it to a very fitting modern setting. Because of this, Brick is more homage than parody, a far-out mesh of neo-noir and high school drama. It works as both because it never winks at the audience. The film knows its audience is smart enough to appreciate the serious and the absurd.

By michael mitchell “This is not a concert,” says composer Randall Davidson, welcoming the audience to the Southern Theater. For a minute, I was confused; I thought I was at a concert. But Sound Check, a new monthly music series at the Southern Theater, is more than just a chance to hear new music sponsored by the American Composers Forum. It is an opportunity to engage in a dialogue with the composers and performers; to get inside the creative process. On April 11, the audience at the Southern was treated to five pieces of new music, ranging from operatic art songs to free jazz. Each composer was on hand to discuss their music with Davidson, who served as the moderator. They also took questions and feedback from the audience. Sound Check is coordinated by the American Composers Forum, a group who, according to their mission statement, is “committed to supporting composers and developing new markets for their music.” You may think that “classical” music is completely irrelevant—the Composers Forum would like to change your mind. One piece, written by two graduate students at the U, showcased the innovative facets of electronic composition. While a piano, marimba, cello, violin and flute played Elliot McKinley’s menacing song “Speak (no) Evil,” co-composer Josh Clausen sat at his laptop, nodding along with the beat and placing samples and sound bites into the mix. The lights in the Southern Theater went out, and the intense

Wicked Slice of Paradise Psycho Suzi’s Motor Lounge is your local tiki retreat

alex judkins

By erin belling “I’ll have the Paralyzed Polynesian.” Our waitress (who looked like Maggie Gyllenhall with tattoo sleeves and half-inch wide black spikes through her ears) showed up before I really had a chance to fully peruse the drink menu. Fortunately, Psycho Suzi’s has devised an ingenious drink ordering system. One can simply drag his or her finger across the mixed drink section of the menu until he or she arrives at the tiki man illustration that represents his or her desired level of drunkenness. I chose the tiki man who had lost his pants. Psycho Suzi’s Motor Lounge is an odd oasis after a jaunt deep into Northeast Minneapolis. An old A & W restaurant-turned tiki bar, it boasts vaguely authentic island decor, complete with giant red-eyed wood carvings and thick wicker-hatched tiki huts just waiting to go up in flames from patio patrons’ cigarettes. The drink menu ranges from “trailer wine” to “fancy pants wine,” champagne in a can, and wicked concoctions served in “stupid mugs with tacky garnishes for you to ponder.” (I got a little orange monkey—insert squeal of delight here.) They also have an award-winning, foodgasminducing pizza menu. We ordered the Fastback, an

composition took hold of the audience. This may not be the sort of thing that comes to mind when you think of “art” music, but it should be. Sound Check did an incredible job of demonstrating the versatility of new music, be it jazz, classical or pop. Genres began to blur at Sound Check as Wade Oden and Kim Sueoka, best known for their work with the rock band Space Station Alpha, played a series of duets by composer Christopher Gable. A far cry from their work in the world of pop music, these songs proved the flexibility of musical styles and the talent of these musicians. The evening was marked not only by the richness of the compositions, but also by the expressivity of the performers. “It’s much more about the people than what’s written for them,” says jazz composer/pianist Ellen Lease when speaking about her song “Phrenology.” And while Lease was describing the unstructured nature of her free jazz quintet, the statement applies to any act. Soprano Janet Gottschall-Fried, for example, expressed her emotional connection to the song cycle she sang, titled “Music for Heroines.” The piece was commissioned to commemorate a book about breast cancer survivors, and was premiered in front of an audience full of women featured in the book. Gottschall-Fried said that first performance was so emotional, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to sing it. At the Southern Theater, which was its second performance, she showed an obvious connection to

artichoke, spinach, tomato, and white wine garlic sauce covered pie that just about made me have to change my shorts. The menus make for interesting reading material, ripe with thinly veiled insults and cheeky footnotes. The price range is fair, no fifty cent taps, but you won’t dump out your wallet either. Mug bandits are deterred by a $4 deposit on all tantalizing beverage containers, which you may choose to forgo at the end of the evening if you cannot bear to part with your ceramic Easter Island head. The crowd is crust punk, motorcycles and muscle cars, and the tunes are Ozzy Osbourne meets Styx meets the Electric Light Orchestra. Peering through the patio doorway I could see that our jukebox hero was a hyper Billy Idol with extra spike collar and extra jean jacket vest. As an engine snarled and tore out of the adjacent carport, I almost shat myself.

stacy bengs

the words she was singing. Unlike concerts and recitals, Sound Check series lets the audience hear these sorts of insights and background first-hand, from the mouths of the performers and composers. With its laid back format, Sound Check is a great way to discover the innovations in music taking place right here in Minnesota. Embracing styles as diverse as jazz and electronica, the April installment challenged the commonly held conceptions of art music. Unfortunately, the event was preaching to the choir; the majority of the people in attendance had personal ties to either the organization or the individual composers. The May 23 edition promises to be just as good, featuring new works involving video art and MIDI performances. Hopefully the intriguing lineup will draw a few new faces.

The next two Sound Check concerts are May 23 and June 20. Both shows are at 8 p.m. at the Southern Theater.

Sound & Vision

www.wakemag.org

Album Reviews

Islands: Return to the Sea

By haily gostas The music of Montreal outfit the Unicorns is most accurately remembered as smart but sporadic, a catalog of scattered lo-fi scuzz-pop filled with painfully precocious eruptions. They were delightful and difficult and destined to eventually combust. Calling it quits in 2004 after the release of their sole LP, the genius Who Will Cut Our Hair When We’re Gone?, members Nick Diamonds and J’aime Tambeur dabbled briefly in obscure side projects. (Anyone remember Th’ Corn Gangg? Neither do

we.) Now they’ve banded together again, sans guitarist Alden Penner, as the bright and hopefully long-term Islands. “We noticed something glowing / and it was growing / things are about to change …” warbles Diamonds on Return To The Sea (Equator Records), Islands’ debut that strays from any prior awkwardness and instead unfolds like a well-mapped sailing of the seven seas. There are still traces of the Unicorns beloved quirks, but they’ve been seized and expanded upon with results a bit more structured and reassuring. Anchoring somewhere between schtick and seriousness, Return To The Sea is an emotionally rich rock album with swelling orchestral arrangements, eclectic calypso undertones, and, in the case of the sexy-smooth “Where There’s A Will There’s A Whalebone,” hip-hop interludes. Diamonds and Tambeur keep the fumbling drums and messy guitars but turn them down and let the rest act as delicate instrumental padding for their tales of brittle bones, fleeting seasons, and fleeting hearts. Return To The Sea opens with “Swans (Life After Death),” a ten-minute feel-good opus about climbing through the metaphorical blowhole to find the meaning of life within the belly. If not charmed by “Swans,” you’ll be taken by the bouncy, cheeky “Rough Gem” when you realize that is precisely what this album is. Even if you remain a die-hard Unicorns fan, don’t be afraid to let Islands steal your heart and pawn it off for silver, pirate-style.

Dresden Dolls: Yes, Virginia

By kristen mueller If Mattel packaged the Dresden Dolls, lead singer/pianist Amanda Palmer would be marketed as Barbie’s evil twin sister—her antithesis with dark hair, a purposefully pale face, and a penchant for black. Whereas drummer Brian Viglione would pose within the confines of his plastic packaging as Ken’s archenemy—a quiet menace with kohlrimmed eyes. The self-proclaimed “Brechtian punk cabaret”

duo’s second studio album exudes emotion wrought from the throes of passion (“Dirty Business”) and the bottom of a barrel (“My Alcoholic Friends”). The acid-laced lyrics on “Backstabber,” “Shit lover! Off-brusher! / Jaded little joy crusher!” are offset by Palmer’s melodic piano playing, which provides a consistent toe-tapping backdrop for her insistent vocals. Meanwhile, Viglione is careful not to overshadow her (occasionally) frenetic playing, by punctuating her piercing vocals with just enough of a punch. Not to be overlooked is the track “Shores of California”—in which the state of 10,000 lakes receives a shout out (“That’s the way it is in Minnesota”). More name-dropping ranges from Hiroshima and Chernobyl to Hitler (Mrs. O), while misguided relationships crop up as a recurring theme: “You thought you could change the world by opening your legs / Well it isn’t very hard, try kicking them instead.” The only thing that is innocent about the disc is the title—pulled from an 1897 New York Sun article answering the age-old question: “Is there a Santa Claus?” “Yes, Virginia,” was the response. “He lives and lives forever. A thousand years from now, Virginia, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will continue to make glad the heart of childhood.” As the Dresden Dolls’ cover art illustrates, that heart is black.

Bastard

April 26-May 2, 2006

Want ads Wanted: Two left feet, to go with my two right feet.

Wanted: Freedom of speech. This muzzle is hurting my mouth.

Wanted: My fucking Easter basket… I still haven’t found that goddamned thing.

Wanted: A cure for the hangover that involves vomit, but in a good way.

Wanted: A swear word that doesn’t offend people. Wanted: Actually, it’d just be better if people didn’t go so offended by swear words. I mean, they are just words, right? Let’s get over ourselves, please.

Wanted: The return of the guitar/ keyboard hybrid, or as I like to call it, the “keytar.” Those things were amazing.

Arbitrary Awards Worst way to find out you weren’t accepted to teach for america

Any way, really, stupid Teach for America. See if I ever want to teach for America again. best thing to do after you find out you weren’t accepted to teach for america

Teach for Canada Honorable mention

Teach for Mexico

The Wake chats with an 88year-old pedophile and a starving man WakeRulez: We need $30,000. Can anyone help us? starving4real: $30,000? You selfish bastard. How about thirty cents so I can eat something. grandapedo88: Are either of you two prepubescent boys? Preferably 9 or 10 years old. If so, do you have pics?

worst letter

Form letter longest middle name

Pumpersteinmaniskersonmonsonshire shortest middle name

starving4real: Seriously. Do you have thirty cents? grandapedo88: You know, sonny, in my day thirty cents could get you three whole chickens and front row seats at the movie box. Also, I like little boys. WakeRulez: We get it, you’re a pedophile.

best rock

Plymouth rock

starving4real: I wish I could eat a pedophile right now. grandpapedo88: How do I make one of those fangled smiley faces? Or better yet, one of those faces that are winking. My grandson’s friends are always using them, but I don’t know how to make them. Technology these days … WakeRulez: Read the Wake.

worst rock

Third Rock from the Sun...that show sucked oldest rock

Rock of the ages

www.wakemag.org

Bastard

ALEX JUDKINS