Hyde 2020 Edition 4 - Women's

2 0 2 0 4 I S S U E

HYDE women's edition

·design·art·photography·fashion·music·news·life·university·

VUSU This is a publication of Victoria University Student Union inc.

There is a TRIGGER WARNING for content on page 3 for this edition, please make sure you read it before continuing.

Do you want to be a contributor?

Feel free to contact us:

hyde@vustudentunion.com

facebook.com/HydeMagazine

Front cover was designed and created

by Catherine Abourizk

instagram.com/hyde_magazine

ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF COUNTRY

Victoria

University

Student

Union

and

Hyde

Student

Magazine acknowledges the Ancestors, Elders and families of

the

Boonwurrung,

Woiwurrung

(Wurundjeri)

and

Wathaurung (Wadawurrung) on our Melbourne campuses and the Gadigal and Guring-gai people of the Eaora Nation on our Sydney campus. These groups are the custodians of the University land and have been for many centuries. As we share our own knowledge practices within the University, may we pay respect to the deep knowledge embedded within the Aboriginal community and ownership of Country.

We acknowledge that the land on which our campuses stand is

the

place

of

age

old

ceremonies

and

celebration,

initiation and renewal. The Kulin and Eora people's living culture had, and has, a unique role in the life of these regions.

Victoria

Reconciliation

University

Australia

to

supports build

the

better

aim

of

relationships

between the wider Australian community and Aboriginal and Torres

Strait

Australians. visitors

It

Islander is

people

important

understand

and

for

that

respect

the staff, the

benefit

of

students, significance

recognising the traditional owners of University land.

all and of

Trigger and Content Warning This issue of the magazine has many heavy topics, and heavy content. It is advised to read with caution as many of the topics may be distressing. We respect every person that reads this issue. If you find any of these pieces distressing, there is always help. There are certain pages in this magazine that readers might find upsetting.

We at Hyde magazine would also like to state that many of these views may not reflect the views of the editors, but we respect every contributor, and thank them for their contributions and for expressing themselves in a way that makes them feel safe and comfortable.

There are many organisations that are able to help. We want to ensure everyone is taking care of their mental health, especially in a hard time like this pandemic.

Don’t be afraid to reach out.

Beyond Blue: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/about-us/contact-us Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14 For emergencies please contact 000

Letter from the Editor Welcome Hyde Readers to another amazing edition of Hyde; our Women's edition for 2020!

Welcome to semester 2, we at Hyde hope students had a lovely Winter's break and have enjoyed Block 1 and getting stuck into Block 2; make sure to take a break and read all the amazing content that staff, students, businesses and Alumni have provided the magazine with!

The Hyde team has been working tirelessly to get our fourth edition out and my, is it bigger than ever! Our Women's edition is the biggest yet; from a normal 62 page magazine to 90 pages!

A few examples highlighted in this edition include poems, stories and reflections from students, small business section supporting people with businesses who are struggling during the COVID19 pandemic, a top 10 of famous women in history as well as female staff members from VU telling their journey in leadership.

This edition is in support of women, to empower each other and lend a hand when we can. While there is still much work to do to improve the standing of women, we are proud to be able to present the work of women from VU. We also hope that this edition will inspire women and help them show the world their talents because we know that there are still many more skilled women out there.

Happy reading! Enjoy this amazing edition of 2020 xx Hannah Nadin - Editor in ChiefÂ

Hannah Nadin

53

13

77

23

what's inside

21

69

page 7

page 13

page 23

A message from our VC

A Journey of a Woman in Leadership

Building your Resilience whilst fighting the resitance

Professor Peter Dawkins

page 8 A message from our VUSU Pres Will Penrose

Naomi Dempsey

page 15 Women & Leadership Kerry Ferguson

page 11

page 21

VUSU Women's Officer Welcome

"He's never hit me, but..."

Toolsika Rawoah

Fleur Taylor

Sara Mussa

page 28 Support the Small Businesses - Penny the Label - Millie and Mo Designs - Dilly Delly - Vibean

15

28

57

page 47

page 61

page 75

page 85

Love for me

Eve in the eyes of Adam

She wasn't angry

A letter to adulthood

Alex Leighton

April Joy Gaquit

Anon

Kritika Chawla

page 49

page 68

page 76

page 87

Poem on Reflection

How to make tea

Here's to us!

Sumayyah Rehman

Kritika Chawla

Susie Swechhya Gale

page 51

page 69

page 77

page 88

Top 10 famous women in history

Congratulations, it's a girl

Red

Welfare services

Thelma Nascimento

Kritika Chawla

page 71

page 79

page 89 Be a Better Human

You Say

5 ways to empower women around you

page 91

page 57 Lessons Learnt Sue Nadin

Alex Leighton

I woke up Brianna Lee

Activities

page 59

page 73

page 83

Marital Rape

The Colour Palette

We, the Women

page 94

Kritika Chawla

Kritika Chawla

April Joy Gaquit

Contributors

page 7 | Women's 2020

A message from our VC Professor Peter Dawkins, Vice-Chancellor and President Victoria University has built a reputation as being a diverse and inclusive university and this is something that I am very proud of.Â

The university is also committed to reducing violence against women and recognises that promoting gender equity is vital to achieving this goal.

A key priority of our current strategic plan is to create and maintain a sustainable, future-focussed workforce, one that is a more diverse workforce and as a part of this goal the university is committed to enabling women to thrive and succeed.Â

Proudly, we have twice been awarded an Employer of Choice for Gender Equality citation from the Workplace Gender Equality Agency. The citation recognises organisations that are committed to gender equality and have a range of recognised practices, processes, policies and procedures that promote gender equality.

We also have a Gender Equity Strategy and Gender Equity Committee, which I chair, that oversees the implementation of the strategy.

One of the goals of this strategy is to increase female representation at the senior level and we have increased this by 2.5 per cent annually to 38 per cent. This means there are more senior female academics and professional staff at the university than ever before. Whilst this is good progress, we recognise that we still have more to do.

Importantly, the university continues to embed inclusive behaviours and practice into leadership, management and development frameworks across the university ensuring that our staff are informed and aware of professional conduct, including being aware of what constitutes discrimination and harassment.

Our commitment to gender equity is integral to our commitment to diversity and inclusion and the university recognises that gender equity is essential for the university and for our communities to thrive.

In 1970, just one in four university students were women. Today around 58 per cent of students are female. There are more female undergraduates, postgraduates and more female staff and academics than ever before. This is a good news story.

I am very proud of all of the staff and students at VU, however today, I salute and congratulate all of the women, students and staff, who are contributing to VU and to our communities.

A message from our VUSU Pres Will Penrose, VU Student Union President Welcome to the next wonderful edition of Hyde. This edition is the Women's edition and inside you will see all of the fantastic things the editors have been up to since we last saw them in the Queer edition. Since my last welcome we have had mind semester break and block 1 of semester 2. In that time VUSU has been working hard alongside the University to ensure that we are all doing our best to stay safe while still providing the quality of education we all paid for.

In terms of a University update we have had some lab and practical based units come back onto campus. These have been closely monitored and planned to ensure maximum safety for both our VU staff and Students. If you are one of those students returning to campus for these units please obey all instructions from the University and academics as your welfare and safety is paramount. Since I last gave an update we have had many of your 2020 peers graduate at mid semester graduation, if that was you congratulations. You have done so well to complete your degree and we all at VUSU hope that virtual graduation was special in its own way given the current limitations we are all facing.

VUSU on the other hand has been flat out running events and competitions left, right and centre. We have had some amazing events like our Women's Poetry night which was a great success and was fantastically run by our women’s officers. Coming up we have our University Wide Wear it Purple week happening. Keep an eye out for all of the great things happening including Drag Bingo, Design a mask comp, Trivia and a toastie making competition. So keep an eye out for all of that as well as some very informative posts online and via our socials. We also have some awesome things coming up including Monday arvo book club where students have the opportunity to read and have discussion regarding books, comics and other forms of literature, so take a break from the textbook and have a chat about your favorite story. VUSU is also teaming up with the VU Queer Collective to run a triva night every Thursday so keep away the iso blues with some lighthearted trivia fun. Check out our socials for more info and to get involved.

Going back to the theme of this Edition, I wanted to touch on the amazing women that VUSU has in its ranks at the moment and also some of the great women we have had in the past. VUSU has fostered and given young women at VU a fantastic opportunity to grow and develop skills that would otherwise be difficult to learn. The last 4 VUSU Presidents have been strong women with some of them going on to be Lawyers and others to represent students as high up as University Council. These women have been my mentors and some of my closest friends. VUSU continues to provide an equal opportunity for all VU Students regardless of Gender, Race and Secual Orientation. I take great pride in the fact that we at VUSU are doing a great job in supporting and empowering women to be the best they can be and it’s something we will keep doing long after I am gone.

As always, thanks for reading, stay safe and enjoy another beautiful edition of Hyde student magazine.

page 11 | Women's 2020

VU Student Union Women's Officer Welcome Dear Readers, Welcome to our Women’s Hyde Edition dedicated to women identifying people. As you know, we are all going through a very tough situation and I hope that you are taking care of yourself. This Hyde Edition will give you the opportunity to discover the passion as well as the talents of women at Victoria University.

At the start of the year, Carmelina, my former colleague and I, successfully held a panel discussion with impressive women on the International Women’s Day. We were honoured to listen and to be inspired by the women who were happy to share their experiences and good words of advice.

One of our biggest achievements is the ‘Women’s Room’ which is a safe and accessible space for anyone identifying as women. We have been able to fill the room with informative pamphlets to give an opportunity to women facing different issues to reach out without feeling pressured. Our ‘borrow or leave a book’ library and our stress-reducing colouring and drawing section has the aim to promote a calm and safe environment where you can express yourself. We also filled the cupboards with free-totake food, pads and tampons. Unfortunately, due to the state restrictions, the room is temporarily closed at the moment.

In honour of Mothers’ Day, we held an online competition where we invited women to post photos with their mother(s) and on how they intended to celebrate Mothers’ Day virtually. We were happy to receive many creative submissions. This was an opportunity to get to know how everyone was going during the lockdown and to share the experiences.

Recently, we were able to launch our first session of the Women’s Virtual Poetry Night which had an amazing turnout! The idea of creating a safe, intimate space for VU women (students and staff members) to share and/or listen to the spoken word of other women was positively received.

This was an opportunity to engage with our student cohort and build a sense of community.

The aim is to introduce a guest poet each month and to encourage participants to share their poems. We will soon be having our second session on the 21st August from 7 pm. Make sure to keep an eye on the VUSU page for more information!

On the 10th August, we will be holding a panel discussion in honour of the Bluestocking Day. Bluestocking Day is the celebration of the first generations of women who began studying at university and started organising literary societies or groups to campaign and advocate for women's further education rights. We will be having a virtual session where we encourage you to wear a blue-coloured attire.

It is an honour to be the Women’s Officer of the Victoria University Student Union (VUSU) and to be one of the many representatives of women.

Gender equality is not an argument about division but a call for inclusion. We have come a long way since we fought for Women’s Rights and we still have a long way to go. I am here to ensure that your concerns are heard and to go out of my way to help you. I wish you all the best for your studies and feel free to contact me via email at womens@vustudentunion.com if you have any queries or concerns.

Toolsika Rawoah VUSU Women's Officer

page 13 | Women's 2020

The Journey of a Woman in Leadership This Women’s Edition of the Hyde magazine is a wonderful celebration of women by VUSU. At Victoria University (VU), we are committed to being a leading employer for women so that they may thrive and succeed. Our commitment also extends to the advocacy for two significant issues gender equity and the reduction of violence against women.

When I was asked by VUSU to write a piece for this edition about my journey and experiences of being a woman in a senior position, I reflected on how fortunate I am at VU. I have the opportunity to work and study at VU and have the honour of holding a senior executive leadership role. This means that I can do a lot for other women (students, staff, people in the community) to provide mentoring, sponsorship and advocacy using my platforms and my voice.

This is the responsibility of all women in leadership. I don’t always need to be loud about it, but I need to be effective, strategic and aware of opportunities that present to support other women in their endeavours. We have (in part) arrived at where we are today through other people championing our success as women, our talent and our capability; giving us a voice and fighting for our rights throughout the many generations before us.

On my journey to VU however, I haven’t always been so fortunate.

Like so many other women of my generation on their career path I did not always have equal access to employment and leadership opportunities. I seldom encountered inclusive work environments that offered equal influence and decisionmaking regardless of gender.

In some environments I’ve experienced over the years there has been abuse towards women in many forms and it has been deeply engrained in some of those organisational cultures. With thanks to many brave women and the modern benefits of social media, we now have global movements that provide us with a foundation for zero tolerance and a platform to have a voice. When I reflect however on my experiences which span back to 1989 when I first started paid employment (yes, well before many of our students at VU were born!), I am so proud of what women have achieved in that time and the enormous shift that has occurred.

However, if we go back much further in time and consider Edith Cowan’s significant achievement to become the first female member of Australian parliament (now over 100 years ago), we are reminded that balanced representation today in the ultimate leadership roles in this country is still an issue for our society and so, our work continues. We know that the journey for true change is a long one.

Sometimes the wins are small but over time we do make progress and we must keep up our individual and collective efforts for change. We are making progress and I can assure you from the benefit of my lived experience, that every small step we make today counts towards shaping an inclusive future society.

The greatest leadership support I have received is from women who have accepted my requests to be mentored and sponsored, given generously of their time to share their experiences and those who have opened up opportunities to advance myself and other women in our society.

Some of the greatest leadership learning I have had is from simply studying other women. I implore you all to take the time to explore great Australian women who have made a difference in our society as leaders, or are doing so today.

Yes, there are many high profile displays of great leadership and influence by women on the global stage (Greta Thunberg, Jacinda Ardern and Michelle Obama to name a few) but we have much to celebrate and learn from heroic and successful Australian women in leadership. Study these women, consider your journey, reflect on what motivates you and what you will commit to doing from today to make a difference.

No matter our stages in study, career or life we are all fortunate. We are part of VU’s community and can create opportunities for others to learn, grow and improve just as Edith Cowan did all that time ago to improve social inclusion. In today’s times, that work is still fundamental not only for women but for our entire gender diverse community to achieve authentic and complete equality and inclusion.

Naomi Dempsey Acting Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Academic & Students)

page 15 | Women's 2020

Women & leadership Kerry Ferguson

Having

the

I read recently about a woman reflecting on

privilege of being in leadership positions, I

had

gender in politics, stating that getting a seat

have been called upon from time to time to

at the table is not the same as sharing the

give talks, insights and presentations about

meal. On many, many occasions I had to go

women

I

beyond my natural inclination to listen and

could

only contribute if asked or if I had something

before.

worthwhile to add, to pushing my voice into

in

ponder

a

that

leadership.

the

contribute

career

At

question

that

has

every

of

not

included

request

what

been

I

said

That said, I am always honoured to be asked

the

and

learnt

usually

say

yes,

and

invariably

my

chaos

of

many

unless

you

voices

are

and

heard

opinions.

you

are

I

not

approach is to tell my story and lessons learnt

present for the debate. I have had to employ

along the way.

many strategies to that end and overcome sometimes

I

could

use

this

opportunity

to

list

my

overwhelming

dread.

On

one

memorable occasion I had to present at an

accomplishments and positions held, however

Academic

I would rather use the opportunity to tell you

believed indirectly discriminated against low

some

socio-economic

of

lessons

my

learnt

most on

memorable

the

road

stories

to

a

role

and as

a

leader.

speaker

who

stumbled couldn’t

Using

your

voice

and

taking

opportunities

Board

a

challenge

students.

was

over find

and

my

not

a

words.

word

I

was

a

policy

the

Professor At

which

one

caused

I

only

and

I

point

I

me

to

pause, at which point my flight response was

where they present themselves, and if not,

telling

taking the initiative to create opportunities,

continued, and the policy was sent back for

me

to

make

for

the

door,

but

I

has not always been a smooth path but one

revision. I left the meeting room trembling.

important to always pursue.

Find If you are silent, your contribution no matter how

beneficial,

may

go

unnoticed.

I

your

voice

and

take

courage.

At

the

the

emotions

in

the

same time be yourself.

read

recently about a woman reflecting on gender

I

in politics, stating that getting a seat at the

room, in fact it is my go to as I get a sense of

table is not the same as sharing the meal. On

what can be tolerated and if the issues at

many, many occasions I had to go beyond my

hand can be resolved today or they need to

natural

only

be taken off line or at least out of the room.

something

There has been many an occasion when the

worthwhile to add, to pushing my voice into

agenda of the day was going nowhere and

the

with

inclination

contribute

chaos

learnt

if

of

unless

to

asked

many you

or

listen if

I

voices

are

present for the debate.

had

and

heard

and

opinions.

you

are

I

not

am

rarely

afraid

frustrations

of

and

emotions

mounting,

often there is someone who is scared, angry or emotional and not always about what is going on in the room.

It is respectful and kind to not take advantage of this, and work for the good of the group and assist the group to do what is appropriate. I must have been regarded as the hungriest or thirstiest person ever, as I frequently would call for a tea break and during that break quietly check in with the chair of the meeting or the individual that might have needed support. My other lesson when I am focused on helping someone who is having a hard time, is that I forget to be concerned about my own performance.

After first training as an occupational therapist, my first graduate position was in mental health. Whilst training, my most memorable placement was at a psychiatric institution. My first leadership lesson occurred then. I had been assigned to a locked ward and was assisting an inpatient with activities of daily living, on this occasion, clothes washing. There was a locked yard with a clothes line and a locked high gate. The patient “Viola” and I were taking out the washing, and as my hands were full, I gave the key to Viola who had mostly been mute during her hospitalisation. She then, out of the blue, took the key and in a flash had opened the gate and taken off. I was so stunned, and despite never having been the sporting type, took off after her at speed and with adrenaline flowing, caught up with her. I begged her to come back to the ward as I would be in all sorts of trouble, and she smiled at me sweetly and encouragingly and uttered the words –“next time you’ll know better, and, don’t worry our secret is safe”. I wept with relief as we returned to the ward, and we kept our secret. I learnt about dignity, compassion and personal agency, all from the glorious Viola.

Humility and recognition of the agency of the individual in all circumstances are critical leadership attributes.

Know your strengths, and importantly, of those around you, have the best working with you, and utilize the skill and expertise of everyone around you and have their back.

Relationships and connections are supremely important. Being authentic and kind are two leadership attributes that I believe trump most others.

Have a mentor, a trusted confidante and develop your work connections. Don’t be alone, there will be many times when you will need their support.

I have been privileged to have had many significant, wise formal and informal mentors in my life/career, who helped me find the courage and confidence to engage in risky business. Firstly, my mother who for economic reasons was unable to go to University but subsequently held an administrative position in the higher education sector. She quietly told me in so many ways that I was up to the challenges and tasks of the senior positions in the University. She had assisted many men in leadership positions who in her opinion weren’t up to it. The other support she offered me was that she would help me in whatever ways she could and by God she did.

Her forthright no nonsense approach take on the sector but also her practical assistance, food preparation, child-minding, typing (lots) and even taking me for a cramming respite at the end of my thesis. She treated me like a special guest, no housework, my old bed turned down at night and of course all my favourite food, including morning and afternoon teas and monitoring my TV consumption and telephone calls.

My grandmother, another powerful influence on my decisions and career choices quite simply said: “Don’t have regrets lovey, nothing worse than crying over lost opportunities, much better to get it wrong than not to have given it a go”. She taught me to be bold.

I can’t help but raise the issue of appearance and privilege. I am fully aware I have had an easier path to leadership than many women. I am white, had access to education and a support team.

Nonetheless I was frequently other. At the beginning of my senior leadership roles I was usually the only woman in the leadership room and was conscious of not scaring the horses.

Every morning I thought about the day’s agenda and how I should dress.

I considered my jewellery, my hairstyle, my make-up… This didn’t mean I wasn’t otherwise prepared, but I didn’t want to distract and I wanted my presence to communicate I was a part of the group at the same time being myself. I always wore bold jewellery and colourful clothes and rarely wore a suit. I also moderated my speech to mirror the culture. I reflect today: “Did I go too far? I don’t know the answer, except to say I would not be so concerned today, but what I do know is that I stayed in the room during that period.

“Let the world know you as you are, not as you think you should be, because sooner or later if you are posing, you will forget the pose, and then where are you.” (Fanny Brice, 1891-1951, American comedienne and singer)

I have consistently advocated for others to be at the table and comment when this is not

the

case,

putting

forward

arguments

and names for inclusion and support.

A leader is best When people barely know he(she) exists, Not so good when people obey and acclaim him(her), Worse when they despise him(her).

But of a good leader, who talks little, When

his(her)

work

is

done,

his(her)

aim

fulfilled, They will say: We did it ourselves.

Lao-Tzu, 6th century Chinese Philosopher

Hold your head high, go for it, and forgive yourself

if

you

don’t

achieve

at

the

high

levels you set for yourself.

You have a duty to tell your story and listen to

other

other,

women’s and

compassionate.

be

stories,

support

passionate

each and

RESPECT AND RESPONSIBILITY Online Training Working or studying from home? Catch up on new online training from Respect and Responsibility! Learn about practical ways to fight gender-based violence and build your leadership skills. The training was co-designed with VU students, is practical and is based on real life examples.

Consent and Respectful Relationships A respectful relationship is everyone’s right. This training looks at respectful relationships and consent through interactive scenarios and real-life examples.

Bystander Awareness and Action Everyone should have a safe place to learn. This training gives you practical strategies for challenging everyday sexism. It is important that we all take action to show that sexism and harassment have no place at our university.

Each module takes about 20–30 minutes. Go to bit.ly/VU-RESPECT to access these modules within Collaborate. bit.ly/VU-RESPECT vu.edu.au/respect-responsibility

page 21 | Women's 2020

"He's never hit me, but..."

He doesn't like my friends

He pu hol nche wa e in t d a ll o ne he tim e

retly I'm sec when d relieve s out he goe

er sup s s ' He ealou j

ays alw g s ' He skin ney a mo for e m

She threatened to tell my family I'm gay

He 's do made thi bed ngs me don that in 't li I ke

I hate how he yells at the kids

He goes c ra he doesn't zy if kno where I a w m

He made me get an extra credit card in my name for him to use

He showed his friends photos that were only meant for him

He say s himse he'll kill lf if I l eave

He tells me I'm an idiot for believing in God

He ma kes scared me somet imes

He som exp etim e l wh en hodes s e dru gets nk

He checks my phone all the time

He a wan lways look ts me to a with t porn him

He doesn't want me to see my family

Relationship violence isn’t all about bruises and broken bones. It’s not OK for a partner or friend to hurt you physically, emotionally, financially or socially. Ask yourself: can I be myself fully, in my relationship? Am I respected, even if I have different views on some things? Do I feel safe?

If you are worried about your relationship, or your friend’s relationship, it’s good to talk about it. Find a time when you won’t be interrupted, and share your concerns.

To help your friend, the most important thing is to believe what they tell you. Don’t express judgement on why they are in this relationship or if they do or don’t want to leave it. It can be difficult for people to talk about relationship violence and abuse. Often, people feel like they won’t be believed. They worry that doing something could be worse than doing nothing. They can feel care and concern for person who is abusing them. You can help by respecting their choices. Let your friend know you will respect their privacy and that you would like to help them feel safer.

Your help could take many forms. You could be a safe person to talk to.

You could help them find information about support services. You could go with them to talk to someone at VU, like a student advisor or Safer Community. You could help them develop a safety plan (see example at www.undercurrentvic.com). Make sure you take care of yourself, too, and ask for help if you need it.

It comes down to a simple truth: everyone deserves to live a life free of violence, fear and abuse.

Fleur Taylor, Respect and Responsibility program, VU Find a list of free, confidential support services at VU and in the community here: www.vu.edu.au/respect-responsibility Call 1800 737 732 or visit 1800respect.org.au for 24/7 support nationwide

page 23 | Women's 2020

BUILDING YOUR

RESILIENCE WHILST FIGHTING THE

RESISTANCE

By Sara Mussa Psychologist VU Counselling

We all need a hand sometimes with many issues be it study related or not. VU Counselling provides free and confidential counselling to support students with their mental health and psychological wellbeing.

Booking a time to speak with one of our counsellors is easy - please call (03) 9919 5400 to connect with our service.

The women resistance movement has centred on calling out inequality through its many forms. Be it discrimination in the work place, intimidation on a train or crimes of sexual harassment. This continuous need for women to fight oppression and flourish in many aspects of their daily lives may result in the development of fatigue and burnout. Therefore it’s important to be more mindful of your mental health whilst engaging in this fight, for we still have a long road ahead and promoting your stamina will ensure that you are there to celebrate when we reach the finish line.

When reflecting on your resilience there are three key areas that you should be mindful of. This involves showing yourself more compassion, practicing self-care and maintaining the sisterhood alive by keeping your social connections.

Self-compassion is a way of showing care, kindness and warmth towards yourself in particular when you suffer, fail or feel inadequate. This can be achieved through acknowledging you are human and although there are times when you may feel inadequate or that you are not measuring up to societal expectation, inherently your experience is just as important and valuable as others.

Self- care is another vital skill that is necessary whilst building your resilience. This involves listening and paying attention to what your own needs and feelings are saying. If they are telling you to slow down and rest then listen to that voice rather than thinking you constantly need to push through. The sooner you listen the quicker your body and mind can heal and recover.

You may wish to tap into activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. This may involve picking up a brush, listening to music, sitting in the sun or really savouring everything a cup of tea has to offer. Taking care of your self helps strengthen your resolve and ability to face challenges, in particular if these stressors are ongoing and feel insurmountable.

Social connection and maintaining good relationships with others are vital aspects as they serve as protective factors of your mental health. Reflecting on the sisterhood involves understanding our common humanity and accepting that you are not alone in the struggle. There are many young women just as courageous as you who are smashing the glass ceiling one roof at a time. So connect with likeminded women, reach out to your inner circle and maintain solid connection to strengthen your resilience and increase your allies in the cause.

page 28 | Women's 2020

Support the Small Businesses

Hey there! I’m Nakia and I am the owner and founder of Penny The Label. My journey into the world of fashion started a long time ago when I was still in school. My interest into running my own store has been strong since I was a child, where my favourite thing to do was play shops where I would setup my own store and sell things to my family. I studied applied fashion design through RMIT while doing my VCE in Bendigo.

When I finished school, I moved to the Gold Coast to study Fashion Styling.

After not long at all, I decided this wasn’t for me. I realised that being in the “real world” as an adult, life was not that easy and that finding a job as a fashion designer or even fashion stylist was going to be really hard and I didn’t enjoy how nasty the industry was, which I was able to learn from work experience. I moved back to Melbourne and took the easy way out – I had now decided that I wanted to become a flight attendant. It took me a couple of months to get started in my new career of choice, and in the mean-time I decided to start an online store selling clothing. I was only 18 and I did not take it very seriously, as I didn’t really understand all of the laws around running a business. I knew however, that it was something I really enjoyed and it was quite successful.

I worked as a flight attendant for Tigerair for 1 year where I was really able to build on my customer service skills, however I really didn’t enjoy being stuck in a plane all day, or the fact that I felt as though the company owned me with the inflexible and random hours.

Back to the drawing board I went, again. I started a new job working for an optometrist in Bendigo, thinking that I would only work there until I found something in fashion. I got told, as soon as you start in the optical industry – you will never leave. So far this has been true. I had up until recently been in the industry for more than 7 years and I have stuck around as I have really been able to put my fashion knowledge to use. My most recent position was as an optical sales representative for an eyewear wholesaler. I was very busy in this role and servicing three states. As if I wasn’t already busy enough, I decided to take on a business degree. My work was so busy and I was making a lot of money for my employer and was the top sales representative at my company.

I enjoyed my job, however I didn’t love the life I was living. I was always trying to escape my life. I would always save up just enough money so that I could travel overseas and explore the world. This is where I would get so much clothing inspiration. I knew I couldn’t keep doing this job forever, and I had learnt the sales skills and customer service skills that I needed to succeed and now I was learning the business skills to give me the knowledge to operate my own business.

While working full time, I completed my graduate certificate of business administration and not long before I graduated, I lost my best friend to cancer.

This was quite the tragedy and I found it really hard. The most important thing that I learnt, is that life is far too short and you really just have to follow your gut and do exactly what it is that you want to do. During some time off before starting my master of business administration, I found myself with time to do exactly what it was I wanted to do. I started my research, and not long after Penny The Label came to life.

Inspired by my passion for women looking and feeling fabulous, I established Penny in January of this year. My main goal is to bring beautiful Bohemian Chic fashion to women that is affordable. My clothing is very free spirited, much like my personality. Life can be so stressful and its important to relax, be yourself and be happy. I wanted to help empower woman to feel comfortable in their own skin and ready to take on anything. My motto for Penny The Label, is be bold, diverse, honest, passionate, fun and free spirited.

Hi my name is Bethany Stumpo, I am the sole owner and creator at Millie and Mo Designs. I am shy of 22 years old and currently studying the Bachelor of Early Childhood and Primary Education. I am also very fortunate to run a toddler room in an amazing Childcare in the Western Suburbs of Melbourne.

Aside from work and Study I have created Millie and Mo. Millie and Mo is an online store that show cases all of my handmade creations such as, scrunchies, earrings, face-masks and reusable homeware.

Millie and Mo was first established in 2018 when I had an amazing idea to show the world my extensive interest in sewing and craft. I only by only selling scrunchies, however, over the years I have expanded my product range.

At Millie and Mo we try to source fabrics that are second hand or off cuts to minimize the impact on fabric waste. We also aim to keep our packaging as plastic free as possible.

We also aim to keep our prices at a reasonable price to allow for everyone to enjoy our products without breaking the bank.

millie_and_mo

millieandMo millieandmo.com.au

Millie and Mo

Millie and Mo

Millie and Mo

Hi! My name is Adele Sylvester and I am the founder of Dilly Delly which is, at present, a bottled cocktail company. This, however, is not what I originally had expected it to be! Before I get into that story though, I think my journey to be where and become who I am today is crucial. Like most people, I have done a lot in my 26 years of life to get here, and of course could never have gotten herealone. I know this sounds cliché but let me explain in three parts; sport, education and mental health.

When I was 17 I was selected to represent Australia in the UCI Track Cycling Junior World Championships in Italy. Now, coming from a background where athletes were placed on a Pedi stool and considering how much I wanted to be a professional athlete this was kind of a big deal. After some disappointing and some pleasing results, a year went by and after winning two Australian Championship medals at 18, I was selected again for my second UCI Track Cycling Junior World Championships, this time in Russia. Without going into too much detail about the results which, at the time I was gutted about, I want to focus on what these experiences taught me and why I believe sport at a young age especially for young women can really teach some valuable lessons.

As we all know sport can be ruthless, and my sport was no exception. From sport scientists poking and pinching you for constant testing, physiotherapists pushing and prodding, coaches looking into your body weight and calling your body fat percentage ‘dead weight’, it’s safe to say, I was seen as a machine and not a person. Having such scrutiny and so many eyes on you raises your bar of expectation and that it did. As a young impressionable female, I had the view that if I wasn’t number one all the time or perfect in every way then it wasn’t worth doing.

Coming second in a World Championship race when the media is saying you are tipped to win and knowing how many people worked on you to be the winner is the most gut-wrenching feeling.

It wasn’t until I left the sport that I reflected upon the impacts this had on me. The positives at the time were obvious, true and what we are always told; sport teaches us time management, dedication, resilience and builds character which are all things that I still use in my daily life. I appreciate sport teaching me these skills, however, it left a forever impression that I had to be perfect. Which I will address later in my story, just as I addressed it later in my life.

So, this brings me to my second part, education. At the age of 21 I had officially hung up the bike and used the extra time to focus on my Bachelor of Education (Primary). Once completed I started working fulltime and did this for two years. Even though this was not a long time in the field, I did take away some very valuable lessons about empathy, management and leadership. These skills were learnt mostly through the misconception between children and adults.

The first misconception is that most people see children as carefree beings with no ‘real’ challenges or issues, but they truly feel struggle and emotions the same as adults, the only difference is perspective. When a student has a problem socially or educationally, that is their reality and it is real perceived pressure. They experience the same emotional responses as an adult would feel when trying to work through a problem within their workplace or personal life. Every single person has experienced this, a problem that was distressing for them and sometimes as adults we look back and laugh at what we used to think was a distressing problem because we have learnt the new skills to solve that problem.

The next misconception is that as adults we are expected to ‘leave our home life at home’ and not only attend work but perform at our best. All teachers can tell you about a student’s ‘virtual school bag’ that being, the emotional baggage they carry each day to school, teachers are trained to have empathy for every student's situation. My biggest lesson from this part of my life is that as a leader within life, displaying empathy for other situations harbours a more productive team (or class) where people are committed, inspired and eager to improve. Let’s put that in business terms, less staff turnover, a higher output for less input, upskilled staff and satisfied customers.

This draws me to my last topic which I would deem the most important and has been ongoing through my whole life.

Being the most important I could ramble for hours but I will keep it short and punchy. Mental health. Look after yourself. Through my experiences I was always focused on external pressures, I let other people’s actions whether it be coaches, boyfriends, families thoughts or perceptions change the way I viewed myself. This hit hard a few times in my life where there were some significant hurdles, those of which we all will face one or multiple times within a lifetime; a loss of a loved one, heart break, trauma, and so on.

Before starting up Dilly Delly I took the time to make my mental health a priority and see a professional to set myself up for success. If my story has taught anyone anything I hope that is it this; the only thing that stops us from succeeding is our mental health and ability to change our thoughts. Some might blame other things such as money, time, etc. but I believe there is a solution to every problem and if we have the right mindset, we will turn our problem into a positive solution by reflecting, learning and adapting or implementing. That does not mean that we won’t fail all the time! Through my cycling I failed more than I succeeded, within teaching I really messed some lessons up (don’t tell the principal!) and I have also watched my students fail every single day and we celebrated those failures because it meant we both learnt how to do it right the next time (I learnt how to explain myself better and they learnt a new concept). In every aspect of our lives, reflecting, learning, adapting and implementing will lead to progression.Lets talk about!

Dilly Delly is my outlet, it encompasses all the things I love and have learnt through my experience. It’s just alcohol, how can it possible bring you so much joy? Well, I’m glad you asked. Dilly Delly does a few things for me, it gives me so much joy to bring people together, families, friends, for special occasions or just because. It lets me be the creative and social through the products and experiences we sell but is never restricted just as it has proven to be with the industry pivot due to Covid-19. Every day is a new challenge and I wouldn’t have it any other way! Nothing gets easier, we just get better at it.

DILLY DELLY

Hey! We are Catherine and Hannah, the partners of VIBEAN (get it vibe-in)! We are just two people who drink a lot of coffee, love scrubs and soft skin!

During this global pandemic we decided to start something we have wanted to do for a long time - create homemade natural skincare! After our friends and family tried it, we knew we were onto something!! Coffee is our morning routine, and with these products we are now covered in coffee 24/7 and wouldn't have it any other way!

We decided to create skin care using simple ingredients without artificial preservatives. We know that we all need to be more sustainable in our uses of plastic and hard rubbish. We offer our range in glass jars or repurposed jars. By repurposing jars we are creating less waste. We encourage you to repurpose your jars after use as well! You can do this by storing food, cleaning supplies, or decoration (just to name a few). Our packaging is eco-friendly and we try to source from within Australia. Our product ingredients are also sourced within Australia.

vibeanskincare

vibeanskincare vibeanskincare.com

VIBEAN

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page 47 | Women's 2020

Love For Me There wasn’t a time When I wasn’t looking.

There wasn’t a time When I wasn’t wondering.

But that’s okay.

I needed to understand myself.

I needed to realise that, times change.

I change.

People around me wont always be there, no matter how much I want them to.

I give second chances, like a grandmother gives hugs.

All too willingly.

I give promises, like Santa gives presents.

Sometimes, they’re big.

Sometimes, they're small.

But as long as you believe they're always there.

I fall in love the way That a baker bakes slowly But by the time that its risen, It won’t fall back down.

I fall in love the way a singer sings.

With passion and emotion, Or hatred and fire.

I live my life in wonder, and I love my life… as I grow older.

I don’t know what to do anymore.

It’s hard to a live a life when you don’t know what to do.

But, I’ll always go on.

I may not find the person that I thought I would, I may not fall in love the way I thought I could.

My heart has been broken one hundred times.

My trust has been broken a thousand times.

But that’s okay.

I’m one heartbreak closer to finding my final love.

And if my final love stays for a year, a month, or even a day.

I don’t mind.

I may fall hard, and I may hurt myself.

Or I may dive gently, and it wont hurt a bit.

But no matter what happens I’ll always know that when I do fall in love I’ll find the right person.

And I won’t give my heart to someone that isn't deserving.

I wont give my love to someone that wont reciprocate my feelings.

Or maybe I will.

I can’t know that.

You can’t know that.

We can’t know if love will stay forever.

We can’t know if love is going to leave us at the altar, We can’t know if love is going to die one day while we’re in bed and while we’re sleeping and the moment we awake we think the person aside us awfully quiet before realising the horror of whats going on.

Love to me, was my aunt and uncle.

Love to me, was hope that my parents would reconcile.

Love to me, was a boy who loved my body more than he loved me.

Love to me, was a boy who had anger issues.

Love to me, was someone that lived in a different state.

Love to me, was someone that couldn't make time for me, someone that didn't know how.

Love that is supposed to be for me though, is someone who can honour me.

Someone that can look at me and think, Wow. She’s beautiful.

Love to me, is someone that can love me in a way that I never knew I could be loved.

Love to me, is hope.

For a better day, for a better year, for a better life.

Love to me is finding someone that I can laugh with, someone I can cry with and someone I can be with forever without fear of change.

I don’t know what to do.

I don’t know where to go.

But I know love will find me one day.

And if it doesn’t.

If its not a man in a suit If it’s not a boy in checkered pyjamas.

Then I don’t know what it will be.

But maybe it will just be in the mirror.

Looking straight back at me.

With a smile on its face.

And no more tears in its eyes.

Alex Leighton

(Rain drops pelting on my glass window) The curtain swaying from side to side as the wind whistles, bringing a rush of cold breeze through the small creaks, sending a shiver along my spine.

I lay there emotionless, unbothered, blank.

It's 2am and my eyes are bloodshot red, exhausted is my body, vivacious is my mind.

Poem on Reflection Sumayyah Rehman

(As the world crumbles, and people lose their loved ones) I mourn nothing but the emptiness within me, the despair intensifying, the hole in my heart unfathomable.

Fragments of pleasant memories evoking a mirage of happiness.

The time when I held hands with a Casanova, while taking a stroll on the coast of the beach as the sun set.

Or the time when I danced with my friends till my feet throbbed, Or the first time I rode my bike downhill, my hair flying in all directions, as I squealed from happiness.

Teeeet, teeeet, teet, The sound of my alarm brings me back to reality.

(Where am I? What happened?)

The darkness in the room had consumed me, left me confused and dispassionate, my programmed mind forces my limp body to jump right up, to pursue the daily schedule, from home to work and vice versa on repeat.

However, the order of the universe had been reversed, the nights had become my days and I was terrified.

All I could hear was my heart beating really fast, the silence deafening me, I couldn't take it anymore, I was fatigued, alone and frail.

(The world got a hold of me and I let it) When that realisation hit me, warm tears rolled down my cracked, withered cheeks, I sensed hope in the air, leaped off my worn out mattress, And had a long bubble bath, turned the music up and danced till my feet ached, I prayed with devotion for the first time in a long while, my heart finally felt content.

My smile returned, I opened the curtains and let the sunlight in, I cleaned my room till it was exquisitely immaculate.

I didn't need order a structure to keep me sane and complaisant, I needed permission from my soul.

I adorned myself in a glamorous dress, looked at myself in the shattered mirror, the pieces of my body and mind finally fit like deciphered puzzle, I looked happy, relieved, and most of all free from the society's strong hold on reins.

It was finally time that I made my own rules and implanted them.

(I am my own boss, and I tread my own path).

page 50 | Women's 2020

page 51 | Women's 2020

FAMOUS WOMEN IN HISTORY

Mother Teresa

Cleopatra A woman who could arouse both fear and admiration, all achieved with a goddess-like grace and charm. The last pharaoh of Ancient Egypt may have been beautiful but she sure was a force to be reckoned with!

Perhaps the most famous woman of the twentieth century is a small, fraillooking nun by the name of Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu, who became much better known to the world simply as Mother Teresa.Her establishment of a hospice for dying destitutes in 1979 eventually won her a Nobel Peace Prize and made her not only a household name, but made the name Mother Teresa synonymous with compassion and charity.

Emmeline Pankhurst

Florence Nightingale 'The Lady with the Lamp' is credited with being the founder of modern nursing, through establishing a nursing school at St. Thomas's Hospital, London in 1860.

Spearhead of the movement which helped women win the right to vote, Pankhurst was arrested seven times before women's suffrage was approved.

Speaking at one of her trials, she said 'We are not here because we are law-breakers; we are here in our efforts to become law-makers'.

Marie Curie Marie Skłodowska Curie changed the world not once but twice. She founded the new science of radioactivity – even the word was invented by her – and her discoveries launched effective cures for cancer

Sojourner Truth Sojourner Truth is one of the most inspirational black women in America’s history and her words belong to one of the most famous speeches by any woman. An AfricanAmerican abolitionist and women’s rights activist, Truth delivered a now famous speech at the Ohio Women’s Right’s Convention in Akron, 1851, that has come to be known as “Ain’t I a Woman?”

Rosa Parks As an AfricanAmerican woman, Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on a local bus for a white man in 1955. She was arrested and convicted of violating the rules of segregation. After appealing her conviction, she sparked a new era for the Civil Rights Movement's quest for freedom and equality.

Harriet Tubman Few people could imagine that a poor black woman born into slavery could go on to become one of the best known figures of the nineteenth century, but that’s exactly what Harriet Tubman became. Widely known and well-respected while she was alive, after her death she became an American icon. She is frequently referred to as the “Moses of her people” for her tireless efforts at freeing slaves, even at great personal danger to herself, serving as an inspiration for future generations of civil right activists.

Amelia Earhart Amelia Earhart was the definition of a rule breaker.

An American aviator who became the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic and the first person ever to fly solo from Hawaii to the US, Amelia was a pioneering aviator and a true female trailblazer. Earhart refused to be boxed in by her gender from a young age.

page 57 | Women's 2020

LESSONS LEARNT Sue Nadin, VU Alumni We are never too old to learn new things, including life lessons - that old saying is so true "you learn something new everyday". So as a 50+ year old mum of four beautiful children and a nanny to two beautiful granddaughters, I was about to learn some of the greatest lessons in my life as hard as they were at the time.

My first great lesson was, if given the chance, grab it with both hands and run with it. Don't wait around if the opportunity arises because it may never come around again. Don't wait for that "one day" as it may never happen, as I so tragically found out the day my beautiful 22 year old daughters partner died in a car accident. He was just 21, with his whole life in front of him. His standard answer to most things that could wait in his eyes was "one day H, one day". Unfortunately that "one day" will never be now for Sam. So lesson number one is, don't wait for that "one day" - wear the fancy clothes, eat the cake, walk barefoot in the sand, sing in the rain, walk the Great Wall of China, climb the Eiffel Tower - do what makes your heart sing and your soul feel good - don't wait for one day, do it now.

My second great lesson in live is to always ask for help no matter how big or small it may seem - there is always someone with a willing hand, on ear to listen or a comforting shoulder to lend. This lesson was learnt via an extremely dark period in my life where I was finally diagnosed with depression and anxiety, something which was extremely foreign to me as I was a "happy" person, even though the previous 7 years had seen me go through a lot - a divorce, having been married for 25 years, 4 children later believing that I was living in a normal marriage, only to find out I'd been betrayed for at least 2 of those years, my amazing and beautiful dad passed away during that period, Sam had also died, as well as our beloved family dog, my best friend relocated to the UK, I was selling my house and I was about to become an empty nester as my children were all moving out and I would be on my own, something I was dreading.

Without realising it, I had let things get on top of me, hadn't really sought therapy of any type and believed I was doing okay as I was working and living what I believed was a pretty normal existence, until one day my ex-husband said one thing and it tipped me over the edge. I lost weight, couldn't sleep, wasn't eating and ended up down at the GP asking for tablets to HELP ME be happy again and to feel normal, as I could find no joy in anything - hard to explain but I couldn't find any joy at all and the one person I believed could help me in all of this was him because he could prescribe me antidepressants. Hid words at my request for a tablet to help me were "why do you need a pill to make you happy - you're a happy person you don't need medication for that" With that I left the consultation feeling 'silly' and in my head I actually believed his words, when in fact there was no way that I could make myself better without the help of the antidepressants as I was later diagnosed with clinical depression by another doctor, but before that diagnosis I had got a lot worse and got very close to hurting myself because I felt so unworthy and desperate - the one person I'd asked for help didn't give it to me, so I didn't asked anyone else because I believed I could do it myself as I'd come through so much already. So my second lesson is ask for help no matter how big or small and if you don't get it from one person, ask another. There's always someone out there willing to help.

My third lesson is probably the result of lessons one and two, and that is to be grateful for what you have.

Everyday I show gratitude for just being alive and being where I am now in my life - it could have been so different. I am grateful to my beautiful children and my best friend who believed in me when I no longer believed in myself and ultimately they are the reason I am still here today.

I have so much to be grateful for and also to look forward to and I now live my life with a grateful heart for everyone in it who I love dearly.

Like the semi-colon I have tattooed on my left wrist which serves as a timely reminder of that period in my life but also reminds me of how far I have come, and to be proud of that and the person I am today. I chose, like an author, not to end my story but to begin another chapter.

page 59 | Women's 2020

MARITAL RAPE Kritika Chawla Some nights, I wake up with a snake coiled around my neck. His grip is smooth. Soft, just like your hands. He is here to kill me; I am here to get killed. There are no pretensions anymore. Or I’m probably too familiar with his intentions now. I am suffocated by the silky coil around my neck. He’s whispering in my ear. Coaxing me to submit. Your voice is still excited, urgent. I am dying but I am not struggling to live.

When was I alive anyway?

Some nights, I wake up with a huge anaconda wrapped around my body. Gripping me in.

Holding me down. I can’t move but he is moving all over my body. He caresses my thighs.

His sharp teeth between my legs, tearing me apart, but holding me in my place. Your tongue, working its charm like it always did. I can sense his pleasure in his movements.

I’m controlled but I am not struggling for freedom. When was I free anyway?

Some nights, I wake up with a black snake around my face. My body is free, only my senses are not. I can’t see, I can’t hear and I’m not allowed to speak. I could move, but I have to be dumb. My body isn’t trapped, but I am. Both your hands holding my face, positioning me still. I am shut up but I am not struggling to speak. Who listens to me anyway?

Some nights, I am woken up by their hisses. They are all over my bed. All over me, under me, around me. Each one of them has eyes like yours. Charming, bright eyes that did me in. I am naked on such nights. Bared of emotions, of cries. I lay still. I don’t try to disturb them. I let them have their feast. When did I ever have my body for myself anyway?

Each night you return to me thus, and each night I let you in. Each night you love me, and I give in. Sometimes, Serpents are not scary. Adams are.

page 61 | Women's 2020

2

Eve in the eyes of Adam APRIL

JOY

GAQUIT

I wrapped my tiny chubby hands in one of her fingers. She felt so warm.

Mama is warm, a cozy comforting warmth, warmer than the rainbowcoloured quilt that was covering me. I giggled and clutched the finger like a prize. Then I felt something cold trickling down my arm. My giggles stopped and my gaze landed on Mama’s face. Mama does not look like mama today. There were weird spots in her face. Blue and black, like the colours of my binky. That water-and-not-milk thing came from her eyes. I reached out one fat hand, it was my way of telling my Mama that I want upsies.

Mama wiped her face with the back of her hands. Mama’s face is so ugly now, with snot coming out of her slightly swollen nose and big drops of tears rolling down her cheeks. She forced a cheerful smile on her face and kissed the top of my head. That tickled me so I cackled, my high-pitched laughter echoed inside the gray room where we live. Mama laughed and buried her face in my belly and made a chortling sound.

Mama is so warm.

13

5 Mama is so cold.

She sprawled on our floor, and she was gazing at the ceiling with unblinking eyes. Mama was not answering when I called her. She was fine this morning when she told me to go to my room after Papa came in from work. I do not know where Papa works. I heard her talking to Papa and then they were shouting. I always get scared when they are making angry sounds, like the sounds of mad cartoon characters I saw on our box. I fell asleep after and when I came out, this is what I saw. Papa was no longer around. It was dark outside. I went up to her and shook her shoulders, but she was not moving at all. There were stray strands of hair covering her a part of her face. I brushed them away with my hands and felt the cool skin. I rested my head on her stomach and pulled my teddy that I brought with me. Maybe Mama is resting. I played with my teddy for a while and then I drifted off to sleep, my small body cradled in my Mama’s side.

I put down my fork and reached for my glass of water. The woman across me watched while I did this, smiling slightly. She calls herself my mother.

The man sitting beside her and solemnly eating while glance-reading the news from his iPad is her husband.

The woman asked me if I want more bacon. I politely declined. The husband stood up while hurriedly swigged the coffee that had gotten cold. The woman asked if he was done, if he was already full. Obviously, he is the husband replied, then he sneered and asked if she was blind and stupid.

Embarrassed, the woman just smiled sheepishly and told him to be careful on his way to work. He said not to wait for him tonight. A look passed quickly in the woman’s face. She caught me looking at her and she smiled sadly.

The husband grabbed his coat and ignored the wife’s attempt for a goodbye kiss.

Seven years in this house and no family is living here. There was only an adopted child, a cold unfaithful husband, and a woman who cannot conceive. There was an emptiness in her and I somehow was unable to fill that void. She sat in a chair, still and weak. Her plate of food was never touched again

18

27 I saw her limping while dragging her feet to the nearest bench. She was in her ‘work clothes’, a skimpy dazzling sequinned halter dress. She was swearing under her breath, cursing the pair of ankle strap red pumps with heels that can kill. She was beautiful, yes. She spat at the people she caught staring at her.

She looks angry at the world, more so at herself. The weather was cold and the evening chill seeped through my layers of clothing.

She rubbed the part of her ankle that hurts.

Oh, she was a sight while she was inspecting her dainty feet. I cannot hold back anymore. I walked up to her while I was taking off my coat. I stopped in front of her and held out my coat to her. It was several seconds before she noticed my presence. Her eyes went to the coat, then to me, then to the coat.

The second family I had was broken after the failed marriage.

The husband divorced the woman I called my Mother. So, my view of marriages was twisted as I realised it was not something that can bind people in a loving state of a home but a corrosive living condition. I was careful because I was scared. I had no idea how to create a happy family. I have no idea how wives are loved, how women are loved.

My Mother now lives alone.

Her eyes flared.

She shouted at my face. The f word, she said it was part of her job to show-off, not to cover-up.

The f word, she said that was men wanted to see. She was seething, then she became indignant. The f word, she said it was never the clothes. Respect does not go when the clothes are barely there or taken off. Respect is no longer possible for her and her sisters, wrecked and broken.I stood there, with my coat still being offered. The crowd was only as interested as it passed by, it was blurred and smudged like a painting. The f word, she murmured under her breath, and then she looked at my face, which must have been quite a sight. She examined me, from head to toe.

She smirked and she asked if I was interested to know how much she charges.

I told my girlfriend whenever the conversation drifts to marriage and families and home. But she said she would take the risk. She is strong, she said. I wonder if my Mama and my Mother thought of that, too, before they vowed to a life they certainly did not deserve.So we got married, nine years after I first saw her. She was lost and broken. She laughed at me, she said I attract damaged people and I have no luck with women in my life.

30 A shrill cry brought a smile to my face. I cannot take my eyes away from the small bundle cradled in my wife’s arms. We decided to have a child. We were scared, too.

We thought we were not good human beings yet, good enough to raise one. How can we when we are still children ourselves? But Mother told us that the baby will be a reminder to us to be a family. The baby will be the foundation of our home.

When the sex was revealed, I felt something punched me in the stomach. Fear rose in my throat. My baby‌ how will I ever be able to make this world a safer place for you?

We are strong! We are fighters! We are powerful! We are WOMEN!

page 68 | Women's 2020

How to make Tea Kritika Chawla

You'll be given an empty pan and expected to serve tea But you'll be taught and trained How to give birth out of emptiness You fill it with water, for all things start with nature And give it colour, of darkness They won't complain here to make it as fair As your skin so don't worry But they can't handle your bitterness, your honesty So mellow it down a bit with milk Not a lot, but darker than your skin Till the taste is lost but the colour stays Ideas vanish but words scream And when you have balanced it all Forgetting what you even wanted to say You start boiling, reminding yourself Trying to remember the words, the taste Inhaling the aroma hoping to be reminded why you started But just when the anger is on the edge You switch off the gas Don't let it spill, they like it neat Decorate now.

In fancy cups with gardens on them Hold the tray calmly while your nails Try to scrape the pink of the flowers Turning them pale, as you serve.

Oh we forgot sugar.

Guess they'll have to taste the truth.

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CONGRATULATIONS THELMA NASCIMENTO Pink dresses, bows, baby jewelry, mini high heels Give her dolls How cute, maternal instincts Give her a mini ironing board for her birthday Play kitchen with a cookware set Learn from early on You’re a housekeeper, a wife, a mother You belong to someone else Sit like a lady, behave He treats you badly because he likes you Menstruate this dirty blood, hide it Be pretty, smile Put on makeup You’ve got to be more feminine Put on some lipstick Not red, red is for sluts Hide this zit Pluck these hairs They are dirty Disgusting You pig!

Come here, hottie My eyes devour you Embarrass you Why are you alone on the street?

You belong inside You’re mine Like meat exposed in the butcher Or clothes in display I rate youI have the right I can touch you I can buy you I can do whatever I want with you Whore Raped But what were you wearing?

Walking alone in the night You were asking for it Look at this neckline The skirt was probably too short Why didn’t you let it go?

Ruining his life because of 15 minutes You’re exaggerating Killed by the ex partner Crime of passion Jealousy Found another guy in less than a month She deserved it Poor guy Loved her so much Killed Every week But we survive Our voices won’t be shut anymore We will shout We are people We exist We resist!

page 71 | Women's 2020

You Say. Alex Leighton

Take a joke you say, as you ridicule everything about me.

Take a joke you say, as you pull down my top to show everyone my underdeveloped chest.

Take a joke you say, as you lift up my skirt so everyone can see my underwear.

Take a joke you say, as you push me against a wall so theres no escape.

Take a joke you say, as you cover my mouth with one hand and the other slides up my thighs.

Take a joke you say, as I’m crying on the ground because I can’t feel my own body.

Take a joke you say, as you take a photo of the ‘helpless little girl’.

Take a joke you say, as I try to confront about what you’ve done.

Take a joke you say, to all my friends who listened to what I had to say.

It’s in her head you say, as you lead me on month after month.

It’s in her head you say, as if I never meant anything to you.

It’s in her head you say, about every feeling I’ve felt towards you.

It’s in her head you say, about everything you’ve said to me.

It’s in her head you say, about the demons I’m fighting because of you.

There’s no evidence you say, when I finally speak out.

There’s no evidence you say, when I come to you with the news I’m pregnant and it’s yours.

There’s no evidence you say, in front of your friends because I mean nothing to you.

There’s no evidence you say, to my sister when she tells you to stop harassing me.

There’s no evidence you say, when the police knock on your door.

I can’t help that you say, I mean nothing.

I can’t help that you say, I’m better off dead.

I can’t help that you say, it was a one time thing.

I can’t help that you say, you have no feelings for me.

I can’t help that you say, I’m a dirty slut for getting myself pregnant.

I can’t help that you say, it’s my fault.

My fault.

My fault.

My fault.

You say, you’re sorry.

I can’t say anything anymore.

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The Colour Palette Kritika Chawla

I use so many words, in my love, in my distance, in all my moods that I have no words to describe my sadness in. I sat down with colours today, I though I’ll paint my sadness and gift it to you. And then you won’t complain that I don’t express and I won’t complain that you don’t understand.

I sat with a colour palette and three brushes of different sizes and a blank paper and a heavy heart.

I started with black; I thought I’ll strike it at the top to denote my gloom. Dark colours are for sorrow, I had heard. But the black looked so pretty that I did not want to stop at all. So I put stroke after strokes. Horizontal, vertical, thin, thick, all across the sheet until it was soaked with my depression and wet with my tears. I touched it with my finger to keep some on my body for later when I am drained of all emotions and need to start somewhere. It all started with a void, they say.

I sat there with my black sheet, black paint brushes, black on my fingers and black dripping from my eyes. But I was not nearly done. The catharsis had just begun. I looked at the palette to choose my next colour and looked at all the bright colours. After the void, came light. So I chose a bright yellow and without waiting for any right proportion of water and colour, spilled it on the sheet.

Sometimes, light and darkness are all mixed up. But the yellow didn’t look like light on my black universe. It looked like a kid eagerly waiting to be mixed with the darkness of adulthood. I had thought the yellow would please me just like the black had but it only reminded me of how untidy it all looks if you try to smile through tears. I’ll always be angry with my parents for not letting me cry as a child. For telling me to be bright even if that meant I had to burn the insides of my skin to create radiance around my shadow. So I mixed the yellow on the black with my finger and mixed and mixed it till it looked like a dull evening when the clouds beg to rain but the Sun doesn’t let them. I stand outside on evenings like these, confused, broken and pray for it to rain, or shine. To give me a definite answer.

In search for something definite, I took the bottle of red paint and emptied it on the sheet. Unlike yellow that had fallen on the darkness like little drops of immaturity wanting to ask for brightness, the red fell like blood in a bath tub when you imagine slitting your wrist and lying there for hours before you finally give up and close your eyes. The red was soothing me like it never did before. It was dirty under the red. The combination of a dirty yellow that made the black look like grey but not the grey sky on a windy evening in the hills. A dirty, untidy, sandy grey. The red was a dominating colour on all the confusion. See, you can repair the irreparable, it said to me. This is why you have two hands, girl. Fate and free will are on either side of your soul. Spill all your will if you don’t like what fate shows to you. So I let the red spill. I lay there for hours, watching it become a pool of blood. But it wasn’t blood I had forced out of my veins. It looked like blood that was finally set free to run in any direction it wanted to. I tried to comprehend the shape it was making, but caught myself. The red doesn’t want to be defined in a shape. Let it flow.

I tilted the sheet and saw it cover all the black and all the yellow until what I had in front of me was a bright vermilion red that did not let me look away. I smiled. Finally there was something I could be proud ofsomething that people won’t understand but won’t be able to look away either. I lay flat my palms on the sheet and saw my hands soaking the red. I’ll use this red when I lose to fate and forget about my will. My palms will remind me of not my destiny, but my power.

I wasn’t angry anymore. Nor sad. I was awake enough to look at purple and white in the corner smiling at me. Calm, evening colours of love and friendship. Not too pink, nor too blue, I smiled and picked up the bottles to use now that I was not boiling with black or red anymore. But if I used the purple, it’ll only make the sheet darker. Just a coat of resigned forgiveness over all my emotions. You will smile when you look at it but I will forever miss the boldness hidden under it. Some other time, purple.

But white! Oh, white I could use to keep safe all my words, all my colours. You will never know and I will scrape off a little white from the corners whenever I want to see the red, the dirty confused me/yellow or the dark night underneath.

You know what, I don’t want you to understand me anymore. My words are for you, these colours, my secret.

My sadness is mine, a treasure only I know how to open and where to keep the key.

And this is how I ended up with a white sheet, black paint brushes and red palms.

“You didn’t paint anything?” You ask.

“No. I’ll just keep this sheet with me and try some other time.”

page 75 | Women's 2020

She wasn’t angry.

She was broken.

She wasn’t sad She was torn open.

She wasn’t impatient.

She was ablaze.

She wasn’t mad.

She was fucking brave.

This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake.

There is no “back to the old me.”

You are different now, full stop.

There is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding a new strength and joy.

Anon

The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life - warts, wisdom, and all - with courage.

HERE'S

TO

US!

SUSIE SWECHHYA GALE Many a time, I have come across sayings that convey how “empowered women empower women�. And after three years at university, I can only further confirm the truth behind that statement as these three years have been truly empowering for me.

I have seen and met so many amazing, strong, and independent women from different parts of the world taking the higher education sector by storm. Women faculty and students are thriving in all areas of study ranging from STEM, law, business, and even the arts. Moreover, women leaders are actively participating and contributing to the betterment of other students at the university.

And in between working on group assignments with aspiring accountants and financial analysts, putting together events for international students and of course witnessing the ladies of VU Afro Society win club of the year during the student leadership awards, I can honestly say that the impact made by women is going to rise even more during the upcoming years.

Having been a shy and introverted person for most of my life, seeing all these beautiful women take charge has in a way pushed me to come out of my shell and I am utterly grateful.

Here’s to us!

Red

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Kritika Chawla

My grandma sat me down one afternoon In her lap and introduced me to a colour- red This is you, she said This is the colour of your cheeks when Your father tickles you after you pretend To be upset The colour of your hands When you cross them too tightly Hiding behind me when mother Comes for you angry And when you run outside In afternoons like this Red is under your feet Tired and burnt, but so alive Know this colour, darling So later when they tell you it’s scary You look them in the eye And say, No, It’s me.

When they tell you it’s evil You bless them And say, No, It’s me.

Know this colour darling, know yourself Touch. Love yourself.

When they tell you you’re impure You know it’s not you. It’s them

page 79 | Women's 2020

5 ways to empower women around you 1 Encourage women to speak up Create an environment that is open and feels safe to give women around you more comfortable to speak up. Encourage and give support to their ideas. EVERYONE’S OPINION IS VALID. Encourage fellow women to take on leadership roles and more responsibility but also support them in saying no too.

2 Giving others an opportunity Sometimes the best way to empower women is to take a step back and pass the spotlight over.

Many women know what they want to say and what they want to do they just need to be handed the mic. Think to yourself “is there another woman that knows more about this than I do?’

3 Lead from example The best way to empower the women around you is to lead from the front. Stand up and be confident, speak out to protect others that are vulnerable. People imitate what others do so be one of the people that others look to and show the world that WE ARE WOMEN HERE US ROAR.

4 Speak up If you see or hear negative or sexist comments or behaviour speak up. Tell people that it’s not acceptable. Women need to be pushed up not shoved down by negative comments. Call people out in a way that encourages them to learn and make changes to their own behaviour. Speak up to shut down negativity.

5 Be honest It is important when empowering women to be honest, we have to be willing to tell each other when we have made a mistake. This isn't about putting someone down or saying they are wrong.

It’s about guiding and using this as an opportunity for growth. It is also important when someone does well to celebrate it. BE HONEST and CELEBRATE SUCCESS.

Actually, We are humans Our hands be rough or smooth Our body be svelte or buff Our skin with hair or bare Naked or painted face Vestal and chaste Deflowered and sullied Our hair be short or long Our breasts Plump or flat Saggy or taut Our waist thin, thick, layered Underarms white and shaven Or dark and a garden Why is there shame For who we are Who made us feel Unsafe under our skin We bleed Sometimes even more The womb may fail Still we can bear children For all their lives If we want to cook and sewIf we want to toil and slave We, the women By the way We have problems Women’s, they say Women, they just say.

WE, THE WOMEN April Joy Gaquit

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A Letter To Adulthood Kritika Chawla

Dear Adulthood, Fuck you.

We had a pact, didn’t we? But you didn’t stick to it. You didn’t even cross that path.

What the hell wrong with you?

I thought I gave birth to you. I made you, right? You grew out of me. Then what happened? You got exchanged at the hospital or something? Don’t you remember how I talked to you for months and made plans for your arrival? You were supposed to fulfil my dreams, do all that I couldn’t do back then. You were supposed to be the ideal room-cleaning-bookshelf-arranging-neat kid. Look at the mess you’ve made! You were supposed to make me happy. You had one job, adulthood, one job.

Listen, this is not the package I ordered. Firstly, it’s broken, and I’m trying too hard to hold all the corners, to tape it around, up and down and it will only be a little while before I break down. Yeah, this mail has the same packaging from outside….somewhat (Remember how I had clearly mentioned no acne and no oily skin) but this is completely opposite on the inside. I had been waiting for this mail for years and now I wish I just wouldn’t have ordered it. Your product description said you’ll take away my timeless cravings for French fries, give me fashion sense and confidence, that you’ll give me a real job where I’ll wear more than my bunny pyjamas and… but you know what, I should have trusted the product reviews. So many people said it’s not worth it; I should have listened to them. Coz evidently, my bunny pyjamas are still here and I’ve kinda dropped some French-fry ketchup on them.

Why did I not listen to people when they told me not trust you? Why did I think they were not good enough for you, that I would be all that you want and you will be my one true love and we’ll be a couple the world envies? They were right though, sadly. You are the playboy here.

You are the dark-eyed, silky- haired guy who smokes and smiles slyly through his dimples and has already fucked most girls in college but I still feel special when he winks at me. Oh, your winks did me in. I wish I had known the dangers in those eyes that enticed me such. All I could see were the shining stars and the twinkle in your eyes. I’m sorry, all my experienced friends that I didn’t listen to you and fell for this jerk.

I fell for you because I thought you’d be my friend. My glamorous, photogenic friend that would make a surprise entry in my life and all people around me would turn their heads when we both enter the party. You were supposed to be my make-up expert friend, my relationship guru, and my life counsellor. And who did you turn out to be? That nagging nerd who wants to stick with me but has no sense at all. No fashion sense, no relationship advice and no photo-genes. All you have to share with me is your never satisfied hunger and your social media stalking skills. It would all have been fine if you weren’t lazy AF! And why do you need to sit with me all day and all night and make me watch all TV shows and movies ever released? I wanted to be a movie star, you duffer, not a…whatever this is that you’re trying to make me.

Who gave you the right to try to make me anything, anyway? When did we decide to make you the boss and me the secretary? And such a lazy, mean, foul mouthed boss who’s trying to turn me into same. I knew there’d be ego clashes, but I had thought I would blame everything on you. No one listens when I try to do that now.

Everyone blames and tells me I am not handling you well. How am I supposed to explain that you’re the handling me? You have the reins in your hand and I am just being used for your entertainment. That when you get bored of me, you’ll make another teenager a prey and do the same with another little girl.

My head is spinning.

You know what, I resign. I resign from this phase that doesn’t give me leaves, or appraisal, or bonus or any perks that I deserve. I am going on a holiday with my laptop, my bunny pyjamas and a bucket full of French fries. I would highly appreciate if I could get some money as was promised to me in our agreement years ago.

Thanking you Yours Truly P.S- I would be back on time on Monday (obviously).

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I Woke Up Brianna Lee I woke up to a beautiful Family Simple, Together, loving, I woke up to holidays, Excited, happy, joyful I woke up to a conversation being had Screaming, crying, anger I woke up to police officers at my door No words, tears, disbelief I woke up alone Empty, numb, afraid I woke up to heart break Painful, shock, continuous I woke up to mistakes Bruises, regret, anxiety I woke up doing it again I ask myself why I woke up needing it to stop Begging, regretting, broken I woke up to needing a shower scratching to scrub it all away I woke up to empty words I’m sorry I woke up on the floor fear, lost, clueless I woke up in the hospital this will be the last of it Today I woke up and I found myself And I breathe it all in and I am strong For what I have overcome Today I woke up

Welfare Services VU Safer Community VU Respect and Responsibility

(03) 9919 5707 respect.responsibility@vu.edu.au

VU Counselling Services

(03) 9919 5400

Women's Health West

(03) 9689 9588

Beyond Blue

1300 22 4636

Black Dog

(02) 9382 2991

Western Region Centre Against Sexual Assault

(03) 9216 0444

National Sexual Assault Domestic Violence Service

1800 737 7321800

Women's Health Victoria

(03) 9664 9300

Women's Health Hub (Werribee)

(03) 8652 5441

Lifeline Sexual Assault Crisis Support and Counselling Victoria Police SOCIT (sexual offence and child abuse investigation teams) Immediate assistance, call the police

13 11 14 1800 806 292 03) 9216 0566

000

page 89 | Women's 2020 v u s t u d e n t u n i o n . c o m / b a b h

The Be a Better Human Campaign was launched in 2019 by VUSU after the Australian Human Rights Commission conducted a survey on university students in 2017 and released the National Report on Sexual Assault and Sexual Harassment at Australian Universities.

This initiative was created with a group of Flinders students from the ground up, to reflect campus culture. We don’t just want it to be about what we shouldn’t do; we want it to be about selfimprovement for everyone. And when we say ‘everyone’, we really do mean everyone. We’re encouraging everyone who is part of our campus community to take a moment and consider how we can ‘better’ our behaviour.

“Victoria University has a zero tolerance approach to violence in any form, including sexual and genderbased violence. Gender-based violence is a serious social issue driven by gender inequality and enabled by sexist attitudes and behaviours. We work to build a culture of safety and respect, where students and staff are empowered to become change agents to help stop gender-based violence at the University and in the wider community” (VU Respect & Responsibility).

In-line with the VU Respect and Responsibility Department & VUSU Bystander Awareness Training, and Consent and Respectful Relationships Module,

VUSU believes that bringing the BaBH campaign to VU further develops education for students of the west to be a better human.“It is important that we all show that sexism and harassment have no place at our university. Everyone should be treated fairly and have a safe and respectful place to learn.” (VU Respect & Responsibility email).

Launching this campaign last year, and working with Respect & Responsibility was a highlight of my time in VUSU. Together, we can break down stigmas and ensure a safe and equitable education and life for all.

- Cat Abourizk (VUSU President 2019) We believe that this campaign is not centered at spreading a name or a department. It’s about everyone doing better, and their bit to change the culture around sexual assault and harassment. We have widely seen our Consent, Empathy, Respect tote bags and jumpers on campus, at the shops, at concerts and many other places, supporting this movement. Look out for this campaign and more this semester in 2020. BaBH is always developing, understanding, and learning.

TOGETHER we can BE a BETTER HUMAN!

De-stress Activity

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Women's History Crossword

Key Amelia Earhart Joan of Arc Jane Austen Marie Curie Mother Teresa Helen Keller Saca Gawea Harriet Tubman Susan Banthony

#stayhome #staysafe

CONTRIBUTORS the Hyde team could not have done this edition without the help of those who contributed Professor Peter Dawkins, VU Vice-Chancellor and President Will Penrose, VU Student Union President Ronish Chattaraj, VU Student Union General Secretary Emma Whitbread, VU Student Union VP Welfare Officer Toolsika Rawoah, VUSU Women's Officer Naomi Dempsey, Acting Deputy Vice Chancellor Kerry Ferguson, Consult and Advisor in the Office of the VU DVC VU in the Community Fleur Taylor, VU Respect and Responsibility Marion Cronin, VU Respect and Responsibility Sara Mussa, Psychologist VU Counselling Sue Nadin, VU Alumni Susie Swechhya Gale, VU Graduate Alex Leighton, VU Student Sumayyah Rehman, VU Student Kritika Chawla, VU Student April Joy Gaquit, VU Student Thelma Nascimento, VU Student Brianna Lee, VU Student Nakia Flynn, Owner of Penny the Label Bethany Stumpo, Owner of Millie and Mo Designs Adele Sylvester, Owner of Dilly Delly Catherine Abourizk, VU Student, Owner of Vibean

Victoria University

STUDENT UNION