VOSAS Magazine Vol 2 Issue 7

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Letter from...

The Editor Vulnerability Is A Blessing One of the things I struggle with the most is being vulnerable. For many years I equated being vulnerable with weakness. Letting people in, especially romantically, has been a challenge. I can talk and joke all day, but once it’s time to get close to the heart, it’s been hard to let the wall down. I’m sure it comes from many di erent things in my past. But again I want to stress therapy!

What’s funny is that therapy is the most vulnerable place in the world, but is what has helped me the most! To be honest, although I still have some struggles in that area, I have come to realize vulnerability is a blessing. It’s a blessing to be able to be your authentic self without worrying about the outcome. Yes in life we will get hurt, because everyday we deal with hurting people. But when you realize being vulnerable is not just about you, but it can also be the tool to help someone else, it becomes easier. If I never took the step to be vulnerable enough to tell my story, there would be hundreds and even thousands of survivors who wouldn’t have told theirs.

Even though I’m progressing in this area, I’m determined to be a conqueror.

Opening your heart can be a beautiful thing, and I’m ready for the blessing!

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Dee Marie Chief Editor President/CEO

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MARCUS and LARINDA BRYANT

Photographers:

nHzimage Photography

Chad Campbell Photography

SURVIVOR’S STORY I grew up in a single parent home. My mom had to work and depended on the help of family and friends to care for me while she was away.

I was abused by multiple people throughout my life; with my first memories started at around four years old. The abuse was happening before then, but I vividly remember my mother talking to me about someone touching me and I remember her crying when I was three/four years old. In this instance, my godparents had a son who was a habitual violator of children and my mom was not aware. They were not honest with themselves about the severity of their son’s problems; nor did they know exactly how to respond to what was happening.

Their lack of action, caused many more children to be abused in their home. He continued to sexually abuse several children over the years.

We relocated to AL when I was four because my mother had no other assistance with me at the time. She had some help now and could take on the hours she needed to get us on our feet. I remember the first time I saw semen, I was four. I had on my pretty blue leotard with black, red and white stripes. I asked what it was, he said milk. When I told my mom what happened, I was called a liar and spanked by the person keeping me. My mom attempted to move me to where she thought I’d be safe…this time it was a family friend who had a daughter. I’d walk to/from school with her and stay there until my mom got off work. I remember first day I met her. We were playing in the back while the adults talked (she was older) and she cornered me in the closet and started touching me. I froze and didn’t know what to do or how to respond. I was seven at the time. She took nude pictures of me with her camera and often had boys come by to have sex with her (I was never involved in this activity). By this time, I knew to keep a secret. Otherwise, it could add to what happened the last time I told.

Throughout my life, I was touched and/or molested by at least nine different people.

At some point, being touched just became the norm for me. Situations occurred until I

LaRinda

was about fifteen. That’s when I felt strong enough to fight back and demand that I be left alone. I willingly lost my virginity at twelve years old. It was a guy from school and after that, my reputation just went downhill. I didn’t want to do it, I just thought that’s what you do. I was labeled and lost friends… this was really the start of me being openly troubled. My family spread lies/ rumors that I’d had abortions, HIV/ AIDS…amongst other things. At that point, I just decided to play the role. I started fighting, cursing adults out and standing up for myself in any way I felt was necessary. I didn’t care who they were, how old they were… I refused to be hurt. Things were bad in my world, I tried to commit suicide by taking a bottle of pills. As I laid on the bathroom floor crying and waiting to die, I opened my eyes wondering why I was still alive. I quickly realized that vitamins wouldn’t kill me! I’d taken an entire bottle of vitamins! I thank God for the mistake. I remember dating a guy in high school and as we were hanging out at an empty baseball field one night, he made advances.

I said no and he became more aggressive.

We struggled and he was heavier and stronger, so I just stopped fighting and let him finish.

As the years went on, I was promiscuous and had several partners by the time I was in college. It was then that I met my first husband. We got married in less than thirty days of meeting each other. I thought that he could save me in a sense. I felt like he really into me so I went with it. He was so sweet and always wanted to spend time together. He’d get jealous when I was busy (so many red flags ignored) and I thought it was cute. I thought it was meant to be. As soon as we were married, the relationship turned physically and emotionally abusive.

I would be punched in the face, choked and have loaded guns held to my head if I wasn’t willing to do the things he demanded. Every time he hit me it was about us having sex; or his accusations of me of having sex with other people. I was finally able to leave after two years. The day I left with just the clothes on my back, he hit me in my eye with his cast and I

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suffered a concussion. He hit me so hard that my eye was black for about two months. The impact from the hit caused my left eye to be sunken into my head. I was told it would be considered “cosmetic” to fix it…so I’ve never gotten it fixed.

Now, I wear it as a reminder of what will never happen again. I still felt sorry for him and continued to see him from time to time. Eventually, I was able to break completely away.

After that relationship, I was damaged even more and continued to seek love and acceptance from anywhere. Anytime I wasn’t in a relationship, I was promiscuous and had many casual encounters. This ensured that I was in control and couldn’t be a victim. In my mind, I had control. I remember there were times where I’d start off feeling in control, but as the act started, I’d just go numb and zone out hoping they’d hurry up and be done. I’d get up feeling dirty and used. My understanding and perception of love, sex and intimacy has always been distorted. My perception of my value and worth was that I had none.

Marcus

I grew up in a single parent home for a long time. I’m the oldest of my siblings and I’ve always had the mantle of protector. While my mom was dating a man named Bob (names changed to protect the innocent). She’d work long hours and would leave me and my younger brother in his care. When she

was gone, Bob would beat me with belt buckles, force feed me and throw me in scalding hot water. He would abuse me almost daily. I never said anything to my mom. It wasn’t until she came home and he’d blackened my eye that she became aware of what was happening. She immediately called the police and Bob climbed out of a back window when the police arrived. He never came back.

get off work and pick us up. She saw that I was scared and told me to come lay down with her. She pulled up her gown and told me to lay on her so that I wouldn’t be scared. I did what she said because I trusted her to keep me safe from the picture. She then pulled both of our underwear down. I thought she was trying to help me not be scared. I know I slept with her a lot after that night. I’ve blocked a lot of that out.

This experience made me violent and angry towards anyone that I perceived as a bully. This could be children my age, or adults (teachers, etc.). If I saw a trait or resemblance of Bob, I’d become defiant and rebellious. I refused to allow anyone to hurt me or others that were scared.

Although I was a small child, this became my resolve. I was determined that I wouldn’t allow myself or anyone else be hurt. I became a bully of bullies…if that makes sense. When I saw someone mistreating others, I’d come for them. I’m still that way today.

I started watching pornography at about nine years old. I still struggle with an addiction to porn. I also developed a sexual addiction. These have impacted many relationships throughout my life, including my marriage. I was out there and ready for sex at an early age. I associated sex with comfort, protection and sneaking. I was always looking for that type of intimacy in women. I thought that sex was ok if it was with my female friends…..and I had a lot of friends. I was around twelve/thirteen when I lost my virginity and as I got older, I started to see sex as something that….if I cared about women, the way/methods I desired to have sex with them was wrong.

Around the age of five or six, I was sexually abused by my babysitter’s nineteen year old daughter. My mom would have to work late hours. I remember the first of many times. I was trying very hard not to sleep because there was a picture on the wall that scared me. I was sitting up waiting for my mother to

Together We met in St. Louis in the summer of 1993. We immediately connected and started a relationship (for the summer). After that, I’d visit as much as I could and we stayed connected on/off throughout the years. As kids, we’d shared many of these details with each other and this drew us closer. Eventually we got back in touch in 2007 and the friendship/connection was instant. We were both in bad relationships and that made it easy for us to gravitate back to one another. I relocated to STL in early 2008 and the rest is history.

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” -Mark 10:9

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already down. This one is still an issue for me.

UNADDRESSED TRAUMA

LaRinda I came into our relationship with a lot of issues and insecurities. I struggled with setting boundaries. I still struggle with it.

My mindset after my first marriage was that I can and will deal with anything as long as I wasn’t being beaten. I usually never minded being cheated on by guys (depending on the circumstances) because it was minor to me. It still hurt and I was pissed when it happened, but it wasn’t the same as being hit. Another thing that I came in this with was my struggle with feeling like I’m being controlled when Marcus has disagreed with certain things I’ve wanted to do. I’ve lashed out many times and I think that’s where Marcus is now a little too lenient. He caves to prevent me from feeling suffocated. My first instinct is to flee when I feel boxed in.

I’ve have learned that compromise isn’t me losing my voice. Also, I can’t handle yelling and screaming so we are careful to argue in a low tone. If he’s mad, he has to take time to calm down before I will allow him to talk to me. That keeps me from feeling intimidated. I too take a moment to think and decide on my own response.

As a result of how I was treated by those I loved at the lowest points in my life, I made it a point to never be weak. It’s hard for me to be vulnerable with others. I must always appear to be collected and in control. The hardest thing for me to do is receive help, accept gifts or show that I’m in any kind of need. I will never give them the satisfaction of kicking me while I’m

When we had our first daughter, I was terrified for anyone to keep her. I didn’t want Marc to change her pamper. I didn’t want her older brothers or other male family members to keep her; or be around her if I wasn’t present. I am still cautious to let our children out of our sight. We have two young daughters and a son together. I still check their private areas daily for signs of abuse during bath time, we talk about boundaries, space and secrets as well. My mom doesn’t know everything but from what she does know, she is almost paranoid and harasses me about where they go anytime they’re not with us. It’s stressful anytime they ask to go somewhere but I usually don’t let them go if their friends have brothers, uncles or daddies or boyfriends at home.

Marcus I entered my marriages with hidden sin. I viewed sex as dirty/filthy…even sex with my wife. When I met LaRinda, there was something different about her. I saw her as Godly and pure (even with her past). I see who God created her to be. When we had sex, I felt like I was passing my own filth on to her. I felt like I made her dirty. With that mindset, it was hard to be intimate and completely vulnerable with her. It was easier to be sexually open with other women. I love LaRinda, but I couldn’t stop. Our marriage suffered from infidelity and the absence of sexual intimacy. It’s been hard to share so many emotions and feelings. I’m supposed to be the strong one.

I deal with anger issues. I’m not violent towards my wife or others but I do find it hard to control my anger. I didn’t realize so many habits and behaviors were surfacing in my life as a result of the abuses that I’d suffered from as a child. For instance, I

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can’t take baths or showers in hot water.

My water has to be lukewarm. This is because I was thrown in scalding hot water. I can’t eat certain foods because they specifically remind me of being force fed by Bob. I’m likely to fight with a stranger that is bullying or hurting someone else because it reminds me of the fear and helplessness I felt when Bob would hurt me.

The Journey We seemed to have it together on the outside. However, we were in chaos and knew our relationship needed a complete overhaul. We were both exhibiting toxic behaviors and responses that were leading us to divorce. We started to take our faith more seriously and began to study and pray together. We sought the counsel of our Pastors; and took advantage of the counseling provided by our insurance plans. This allowed God to expose all the hidden and dark places in our hearts. It helped us understand our individual roles in our path to destruction; and ultimately save our marriage. We chose US! We decided to be intentional about our healing and growth. We don’t judge one another.

We communicate feelings of inadequacy, temptations, fears and desires. We’re best friends, lovers, protectors of one another and we’re in a place where we’re growing together as we learn how to love the way God desires. It’s not perfect, but it’s ours.

SURVIVORS’ STORY CONT’D

Victory

our story because so many of us hide our struggles and as a result, don’t receive the full healing available to us. God is so amazing that He taught us that His love goes deeper than our shame!

Sexual abuse has impacted us differently in our marriage. For me, I was happy to know I’d never have to be with anyone else. I have no desire to add to my body count (if that makes sense). I just want to feel safe and protected and Marcus does that for me. He is my best friend and knows every dark place in my story; and has never judged me.

He’s only loved me. He needs the same acceptance from me. When things get bad for us as a couple, we turn to our friendship. I’m better because of us.

We still struggle with trust because of the infidelity but we understand what happened to us and that we both struggle with the results of sexual and physical abuse. When we came together, there had been no real understanding or attempt to change. It doesn’t just turn off because put a ring on it. Love isn’t always enough.

We’re a team and we love each other enough to stay here and do the work.

We won’t give up.

Throughout our marriage, we’ve grown up. We were beyond broken and had no idea how to love or be loved when we became one. We now realize our limits, boundaries and demand nothing less than love and respect from others; and especially from one another. It’s taken the entire thirteen years of our marriage to figure some things out about ourselves. This journey is continuous and there will be struggles but we have one another.

Most importantly, we have God. He is our strength by His grace, we are victorious!

The process of writing this article and sharing our stories has been terrifying, stressful and I've been freaking out.

The truth is, at some point in life everyone deals with the fear of failure, rejection and the judgement of others.

It often keeps us from opening up and sharing our true selves with the world.

I'm in a space where I'm no longer allowing that to hinder my journey. It really doesn't matter how perfect we try to be, someone will be scrutinizing your every flaw while attempting to mask their own. We decided to tell

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THE COUNSELOR’S CORNER University, Lindenwood University and University of Missouri St.Louis. I am married to Minister Darwin Glenn. We are the proud parents of three children, who are now adults, and two grandchildren.

I was born to the union of Willie Barber Brand and Sharon Staples Brand. Willie Barber Brand abandoned me at the age of three. I never spent any quality time with him until the day of his funeral. I was raised by my mom, who was a single parent of seven. My mother was the Minister of Music at Pattison Missionary Baptist Church. My grandfather, Rev. P.D. Staples was the pastor. My mother was also a full time teacher for St.Louis Public Schools. We lived in a nine hundred square foot home with one bathroom.

Marlena Glenn DMin, MA, CBCC, MFT, CIT

One day I woke up and looked in the mirror. I did not like the person that I saw. I made a decision to initiate the process of change. I had to formulate a plan. I began to “Do The Work” . The healing process began. Pain from child hood trauma would no longer harm me. I put down the daily bottle of Chardonnay. I had to forgive myself and develop healthy coping mechanism. I made the call. I went to a professional counselor. She provided a safe space for healing. She allowed me to share the dark secrets that I was told to never share. The secrets I never told my husband until after our 17th Wedding Anniversary. I was ready to be set free.

Hello, My name is Marlena Nicole Glenn. I am a Marriage and Family Counselor. My educational background is Doctor of Marriage and Family Counseling, a Masters Degree in School and Professional Counseling, and a Bachelors Degree in Criminal Justice. I received credentials from Dayspring Christian

I was raised to attend church, and sing in the choir. At an early age, I became my moms helper. I enjoyed helping her prepare dinner and braid my little sisters hair. I was referred to as, The Counselor, in the family. I always listened to problems, and linked individuals to the appropriate resources.

Although I enjoyed helping others, I often felt like I did not receive support.

I had very low self esteem and unfortunately was molested throughout my childhood from the age of 11 to 14. I cried often and prayed that when I became an adult, I would have a husband and my children would have a father. to protect and provide for them.

After my freshman year of college, I had my rst child. Her biological father was murdered by the police. I met my husband, Darwin Glenn, when my daughter was one. We became the proud parents of our son a year later.

We attempted to live together, for six months, after our son was born, but we both were extremely

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uncomfortable. We decided to get married. We were non established, young, poor, and naïve, but

we were determined to be a happy family. Darwin and I began establishing a strong spiritual foundation for our family. We attended church, choir rehearsal, and bible study every week. We grew to love each other, and become best friends.

We had a perfect little family. I stayed at home, nished college, and Darwin worked two or three jobs to provide for us. After I nally graduated from college, we were blessed to move into a brand new two story home in Lake St. Louis, Missouri. We became entrepreneurs and began living, “The Good Life. Unfortunately, during that period of time, Darwin was disabled due to high blood pressure and End Stage Kidney Failure. I secretively battled with severe anxiety and depression. Darwin needed a kidney transplant to improve his quality of life.

I weighed three hundred and seventy pounds. We were both in denial about our reality. A big house, cars, trucks and a business did not provide the peace, joy and happiness, that we needed.

I maintained the business, took care of the children, and became a caretaker for Darwin. His treatment included dialysis three days a week.

Darwin and I both became very angry while facing medical crisis. We did not like each other. On the outside, it appeared as if we were an ideal couple but actually we were miserable. We begin to experience major con icts within our marriage.

Managing nances, enjoying intimacy, and e ective communication became daily challenges.

We did not have any married couples to encourage us and no family or friends to support us. Although we were not in a good space, we decided divorce was not an option. We continued attending church and praying to God for strength to endure.

In 2018, Darwin and I celebrated our twenty third wedding anniversary. We also o cially became Empty Nesters.

In 2021 Darwin and I answered the calling to begin a Marriage Ministry.

We met the two amazing people. Cher and Demetrius Williams. Cher is a

LPC, and Certi ed Gottman Trainer.

Her husband, Demetrius, is a Licensed Ordained Minister. They became our mentors. After completing evidence based Gottman training and Prepare and Enrich Relationship training, our ministry was launched.

Darwin and I now thank God, for our experiences. Challenges in the areas of nances, parenting, intimacy, communication, family rituals, and boundaries provided the real life experience we needed to support couples. We also realized that our childhood trauma of sexual abuse (Marlena), poverty, abandonment from our dads, and lack of positive role models, almost destroyed our marriage. If past trauma is a ecting your marriage, please seek professional help. Relationship expert, and Psychologist, John Gottman created an evidence based model that we love to use in our sessions.

Prepare and Enrich has a biblical and non biblical model to follow. Both models have tremendously helped so many couples. No matter what model is followed, help is available.

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Signs that a child may have been sexually abuse It’s not always easy to spot sexual abuse because perpetrators often take steps to hide their actions. Some signs are easier to spot than others. For instance, some warning signs might be noticed by a caretaker or parent, and are often red ags that the child needs medical attention. Listen to your instincts. If you notice something that isn’t right or someone in a child’s life is making you uncomfortable—even if you can’t put your nger on why—it’s important to trust your gut, continue to watch for signs of abuse, and talk to the child who may be experiencing abuse in age-appropriate ways

Warning signs Physical signs • Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) • Signs of trauma to the genital area, such as unexplained bleeding, bruising, or blood on the sheets, underwear, or other clothin Behavioral signs • Excessive talk about or knowledge of sexual topic • Keeping secrets Not talking as much as usua • Not wanting to be left alone with certain people or being afraid to be away from primary caregivers, especially if this is a new behavio • Regressive behaviors or resuming behaviors they had grown out of, such as thumbsucking or bedwettin • Overly compliant behavio • Sexual behavior that is inappropriate for the child’s ag • Spending an unusual amount of time alon • Trying to avoid removing clothing to change or bath Emotional signs • Change in eating habit • Change in mood or personality, such as increased aggressio • Decrease in con dence or self-imag • Excessive worry or fearfulnes • Increase in unexplained health problems such as stomach aches and headache • Loss or decrease in interest in school, activities, and friend • Nightmares or fear of being alone at nigh • Self-harming behavior This list may seem overwhelming to keep in mind when looking out for a child in your life, and some signs seem to contradict each other, such as being overly compliant or oppositional, or showing regressive behaviors or advanced sexual behaviors. The most important thing to keep in mind when looking for signs of child sexual abuse is to keep an eye on sudden changes in behavior. Trust your gut and don’t ignore your feelings if something seems off. If a child tells you that someone makes them uncomfortable, even if they can’t tell you anything speci c, listen.

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Signs that an adult may be hurting a chil Keeping children safe can be challenging because many perpetrators who sexually abuse children are in positions of trust—93 percent of child sexual assault victims know the perpetrator.2 This includes family members, members of faith communities, coaches, teachers, and other helping professionals Be cautious of an adult who spend time with children and exhibits the following behaviors • Does not respect boundaries or listen when someone tells them “no • Engages in touching that a child or child’s parents/guardians have indicated is unwante • Tries to be a child’s friend rather than lling an adult role in the child’s lif • Does not seem to have age-appropriate relationship • Talks with children about their personal problems or relationship • Spends time alone with children outside of their role in the child’s life or makes up excuses to be alone with the chil • Expresses unusual interest in child’s sexual development, such as commenting on sexual characteristics or sexualizing normal behavior • Gives a child gifts without occasion or reaso • Spends a lot of time with your child or another child you kno • Restricts a child’s access to other adult

Taking action isn’t easy, but it’s importan It’s not always easy to identify child sexual abuse—and it can be even more challenging to step in if you suspect something isn’t right. Keeping a child away from the perpetrator may mean major changes in your own life, even if you are outside of the child’s family “As it started to settle in, I replayed it in my mind. How could this happen? I had so much shame, so much guilt that I had brought this man into my house to molest my child. What kind of mother am I?” said Lisa, a mother of a survivor and member of the RAINN Speakers Bureau. “The guilt and the shame were deafening—but at the same time I knew I had to do what was necessary for my daughter.

If something seems off, pay attention to that feeling and look into it further. If a child tells you that someone makes them uncomfortable, even if they can’t tell you anything speci c, listen. Talk to someone who can help you gure out if this is something that must be reported, such as a staff member from your local sexual assault service provider. In the meantime, if you are the parent or have in uence over the child’s schedule, avoid putting the child in a potentially unsafe situation Remember, you are not alone. If you suspect a child in your life may be experiencing sexual abuse, you can talk to someone who is trained to help. Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org 1U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Administration on Children, Youth and Families,

Children’s Bureau. (2019). Child Maltreatment 2017.

2 U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics. 2000 Sexual Assault of Young Children as Reported to Law Enforcement. 2000.

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Healthy Living w/Delisa Richardson Delisa Richardson is an Integrative Wellness and Life Coach, Certified Personal Trainer, and host of The Wellness Walk with Delisa Richardson podcast. Delisa focuses on educating, engaging, and helping women find balance in their Mental, Emotional, Physical and Spiritual health. She works to empower those who are living with chronic illness find the best fitness & movement methods for them so that they can not only survive but thrive in the face of illness.

Delisa has over 25 years in the Wellness industry. Delisa has received certifications from the Integrative Wellness Academy, The American Council on Exercise, Leslie Sansone Walk from Home, The Personal Training Certification Institute, Zumba Inc, and the American Heart Association.

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence, she is a fierce advocate working to end the stigma of speaking out and empowering those in toxic and dangerous relationships to seek out help. Delisa became an advocate for Inflammatory Bowel Disease awareness after being diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis in 2004.

She is a wife, mother to 3 boys and Gigi to a grandson and granddaughter.

Contact Delisa by email at delisa@DelisaRichardson.com or via Instagram at Delisa Richardson Wellness.

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Change Your Habits, Change Your Life Webster’s Dictionary defines a habit as a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance. A habit has also been defined as an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary; meaning it is like second nature or you don’t even realize or think about the action in question. This would explain why some habits can be such a challenge to break. The good news is that our brains are so miraculous that with some training, new habits can be adapted to replace problematic or unhealthy ones.

Changing our habits does not have to be a long-complicated process. In fact, the easier we make it for ourselves, the more successful we will be in the long run. When working on changing a habit that will change your life, remember the acronym LIST: L-List on a piece of paper the habits that you want to change I want you to go old school with this and use a piece of paper and a pen/pencil.

Studies have shown that putting pen to paper and using expressive writing can have positive benefits on the brain and helps with memory retention.

I-Identify the trigger or cause of the habit This step will require some self-reflection. I recommend journaling around the habit you would like to change. This will open areas in your mind that have traditionally been blocked or on autopilot. For example, if you listed that you would like to stop snacking in the evening, start paying attention to what is happening in the moment that this activity usually occurs ex: Are you watching TV, Stressful day at work, Feeling unhappy, lonely, or angry, etc. Identifying the cause of the trigger is the first step to change.

S-Substitute a healthier activity to replace the habit you want to change Now that you have locked in on the habit and identified the triggers causing the behavior, it is time to find a more positive behavior to take its place. Some examples: take a walk when you feel the urge to eat due to emotions and not true physical hunger, write your feelings down in a journal, take a calming bath or shower, read a book, dance to your favorite music, phone a friend, attend a support group online, etc.

T-Treat Yourself and celebrate your wins We can be our own harshest critic at times. Being kind to

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yourself during this process is a MUST. Celebrating even the smallest wins can give you the positive reinforcement you need to keep up your new healthy habit. Praise yourself and clap for yourself! This is your process on the road to better mental, emotional, spiritual, or physical health.

The COOL thing is that your success not only benefits you, it will also enable you to be a blessing to those around you!

When you are truly healthy you are able to be fully present and open to everything God has in store for you. Now THAT is life change!

Delisa Richardson

SPOTLIGHT

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I am Kenan Morrison the Founder and CEO of the Village. I have operated in the capacity of a teacher for the past 20 years working to shape the hearts and minds of our youth. Upon completing my Bachelors of Science degree in Petroleum Engineering at Missouri Science and Technology, I knew I wanted to do more for the community that molded my adulthood. Though I am a Los Angeles native, I grew up in Houston, TX and Chicago, IL. But nothing felt like home until I got back to my roots in St. Louis, MO. Growing up, I spent every summer of my childhood with family in St. Louis. Attending college at Missouri S&T only helped me to develop the talents I desired to share with the people. As a dedicated teacher, I was on a mission to push my students to see the world through the lens of mathematics just as I did. It became invigorating to challenge the minds of my students, coupled with the belief in themselves producing mentally strong, healthy, world changers.

I have created a number of clubs and programs through the school I work for as well as throughout the community finding creative ways to include the skills and knowledge I have gained including the distinctive knowledge in Undoing Racism and Racial Equity training for 6 years strong. Through the school, I started S.T.E.M. developmental activities, Rocket Club, Chess Club, computer programming, robotics, & Business Club. In the community, my philosophy of building young, creative, problem solvers is manifested through my organization, “The Village”. We have had the pleasure of erecting a world where young black males can truly get a sense of their own power. In The Village, participants are given the space to be curious, explore, and acquire a renewed belief in their ability while gaining a newfound rest for the community they grew up in.

The Village is a space for young, black, gentlemen, ages 6-18, to be mentored by black male professionals. What has been the driving pillars of The Village for the 6 years it has been in operation is integrity, community, professionalism, and presence. I am humbled by the way mentors choose to be a part of this program and the youth choose to be guided by these men. It helps to formulate a space for each person to move beyond just obligation and responsibility into desire and willingness to be connected to one another. This connection is the gift we draw from to guide each mentee through the process needed to evolve as a group and as individuals finding new levels of self- discovery and self-improvement. It is a must that our Village staff leads by example for the good of the group.

“Together, we are the village it takes to raise a child” is the

mantra that keeps us all accountable to one another to be authentic with how we show up in the world of self and the world around us. As CEO, I embarrass this mantra at a deeper level to keep my team on track, motivating mentors to pour themselves in their passion to provide support which fuels the grassroots work. My experiences as an educator branded with my natural aptitude to serve, places me in a unique position to have insight on how to move the masses beyond the natural connection, which is seen, into the spiritual and soul of human exchange which could only be experienced.

This fire which burns within me is like the Olympic fire. The game we are engaged in is to challenge ourselves to find out how many starfish hanging out on the beach can we throw back into their pools of purpose and dreams each time we meet. Each mentee we embrace will learn the value of looking to the left and right of themselves to inspire their peers through leadership; growing the community of young men powered by purpose and dreams.

The fire will not die until every young black male in our community pays an active role in their own salvation. My service as a teacher, community organizer, and an entrepreneur for 20 years, is still just the beginning for me.

My legacy is nowhere near being set in stone. As I move forward with the vision given to me, I seek those who will join my team as village leaders and supporters. My desire to serve the people has impacted the people I have served for many years but I cannot do the work alone. One of the greatest lessons teaching has brought me is the importance of individualized learning and the discipline of listening to people which affords me the ability to fill in the gaps to produce people changing outcomes and bring people closer to one another. The Village seeks to continue our grassroots organizing everyday on a much larger scale but, to do so, we need to have the tools to expand and evolve.

Leading by example, we teach our mentees not just how to feel better but how to actually be better men and know they have been supported in the ways that matter to the core of their being. At the Village, we aim to help these young men find the instruments they were born with to use in the constructing of the lives their minds have been trained and conditioned to create through The Village involvement. Just as a great father wants his child to grow beyond his imagination and achieve their maximum potential, our programs are targeted to lead individuals into finding the ability to reach for what only the intelligent

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mind can create. I push my mentors and mentees to think beyond the known figures to create in the unknown to bring a world into reality that could only be characterized as their own. With the power of belief in self and your support the Village is destined to become a staple in this community, country, and eventually, the rest of the world for generations to come. It all starts with one heart and one mind sparking the many. I was that spark but, the Village is now that wildfire keeping youth’s dreams blazing.

FASHION

by Rae Martin

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We’ve been conditioned to believe that being concerned about fashion and beauty makes us somehow shallow. We’ve been taught to not “judge a book by its cover”. We understand that “people look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

While these things may be true, our outward appearance is a true reflection of how we feel about ourselves.

because you’re too dark or too light.

Maybe you’ve been told you're too big or too small to wear that outfit you’ve been admiring.

I would like to challenge you today.

We are all at different points of our healing journey, and what you feel internally will reflect what you display externally. I challenge you to incorporate fashion and beauty into your daily routine. Be intentional about looking GOOD this week. Get up and walk to your bathroom mirror. Take a white washcloth and dampen it with warm water and your favorite facial soap (if you don’t have a facial soap, we’ll discuss that at a later time).

Gently wash your face. Delicately touch each part of your face, neck, and ears with that warm white washcloth. Find one thing on your face that you love and tell yourself what you love about your face. Tell yourself you are attractive, even if you don’t believe you are right now. Be gentle with yourself and your face today. Challenge yourself to put on your favorite outfit this weekend.

What’s the one thing that you have in your closet that makes you feel GOOD? Put that on and go somewhere where you will be noticed.

Vow to take pride in the way you look.

I promise that you will eventually feel better.

I was blessed to have parents who affirmed my beauty and supported my love of fashion. Dressing up and looking good was the norm in our household. We didn’t have the most expensive things, but my father took pride in making sure I had the clothes and shoes I wanted. He didn’t know how to do my hair, but he made sure my hair was done every two weeks.

When others meet us, before they get to know us, they SEE us. What message about yourself are you sending to the world?

Whether you like it or not, your outward appearance is a reflection of how you view yourself and how others view you. Maybe you’ve been taught to cover your body from head to toe in order to avoid unwanted attention.

Maybe you’re holding on to extra weight as a layer of protection from sexual abuse. (Been there. Done that!) Maybe you’ve been told that certain colors don’t look good on you

Until Next Time, Fashionably Rae www.fashionablyrae.com

Who is Rae Martin (Fashionably Rae)?

I am an educator, wife, bonus mom, sister, friend, and everyone's favorite fun and fashionable auntie! I truly believe that your outer appearance is a reflection of how you feel inside, and I am here to inspire you to look and feel your very best.

From these passions, Fashionably Rae Services, LLC (including Rae's Closet) was born.

Rae's Closet is a place you can find statement earrings, necklaces, and other accessories. Every piece was hand-selected with you in mind. The beauty of Rae's Closet is that the items are in limited quantities, and every shopping experience is a new discovery.

Fashionably Rae Services, LLC includes image consulting in the areas of appearance (wardrobe styling, personal shopping, personal styling, body image consulting, and photo shoot assistance) and written communication (editing, revising, and document review). Contact me today to book a consultation. I can work within your budget.

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BEAUTY

by Kendress Hughes

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“A Couple That Manicures Together Stays Together” Ladies, there’s nothing like a day at the spa. Manicures, pedicures, and facials keep us feeling refreshed and looking our best. But what about the guys? I mean don’t guys want to feel the same? Well, the answer is, of course they do! Men need to be pampered as well. In this article I want to talk about some of the ways that men can participate in the .

Manicures Let’s start with manicures. Some think that men don’t need to groom their nails and hands. I say that those people couldn’t be further from wrong! I personally love a man with soft and groomed hands. There’s a lot to be said about a man who’s not afraid to get manicured and show up as his best self.

Men, you work hard. So, take the time to chill, de-stress, and look your best.

Manicures aren’t only about nails. They lower stress levels, increase circulation, and can take years off of the hands. Now go ahead and make that appointment.

Your lady will thank you for it!

Pedicures Another great service for couples is a super relaxing and warm soak for those little “piggies.” There’s nothing like soaking those feet in a warm aromatic and soapy basin to rejuvenate those tired toes!

We make thousands of steps daily. So, it’s only right to take a load off and enjoy some me/us time. It’s rightfully deserved and don’t feel bad about it! Not only do you get attractive and groomed feet, but tension release and increased circulation!

Now tell me how could go wrong! I know right! You can’t! Doing this as a couple only sweetens the experience.

Facials Yes, I said it. Men get facials too! Facials aren’t only relaxing, but stress relieving.

This means that not only does your mind get cleared, but your pores too! Say what!

Yep, that’s right, you’ll have a clear mind and clear skin! There are so many options out there when it comes to pampering services.

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The options are endless. Whether you choose the Rose Water Facial for her and the Manly Mud Mask for him, you’ll both come out softer and feeling like you’ve lost 100 pounds of mental weight.

These are just a few options that couples can choose to not only pamper themselves, but to share quality time with each other as well. What’s better? Not only are there physical benefits to choosing these services, but mental as well. Again, these aren’t just for the girls, but guys too! Trust me guys, you’ll thank me later. So, ahead and indulge, clear your minds and your calendars for some you time! You’re worth it!

Love ,

Kendress

kozbykendress.com

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