VOL•UP•2 Black & White Issue/Noir et Blanc by [vol•up•2]

VOL • UP • 2 BLACK & WHITE

BLACK & WHITE VOL • UP • 2

VOL • UP • 2 BLACK & WHITE

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LETTER FROM THE EDITOR ‘I have always dreamed to be shot by my former and most inspiring teacher James White, from all the way back in our Florence, Italy days. Since then, he has turned his lens towards amazing stars like Angelina Jolie, Charlize Theron, Lana del Rey , Taylor Swift, etc. so all the more reason to celebrate his shooting me during his last visit to Paris. James isnt just the BEST photographer around but an astoundingly brilliant person. A big reason I ended up as a photographer was due to him as he supported my work, would for instance, give me a key to the school darkroom so I could spend all night developing my own film and agitating my photos to life in the wee hours of the Florentine night. He taught me so much and I still hear his words echo when I am pulling together a shot. Teachers mean so much, probably a lot more then they ever imagine and I couldnt be more grateful for mine. My teacher gone Photo God,lol He made me a Hans Bellmerdoll!

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Photo by James White

So excited about this issue! BLACK AND WHITE can take on so many meanings, especially as I am not a very literal person and it has been fun toying with these notions, as well as to see what other contributors come up with. So if your expectation is a issue limited to black and white photos we may surprise you. This issue is filled with Super Models!!! Cover-model Fluvia Lacerda and Denise Bidot are SUPER models in the sense of well deserved notoriety and universal inner and outer Beauty, then we have a whole other set of Super models included in the issue, transgender, albino, amputee, cancer survivors, awesome bloggers; models who may not fit what is perceived as a ‘Super Model’ but as far as we are concerned you just don’t get any more SUPER! We have the stunning Miami local and loved around the world top model, my pal, Yanderis Lodos modeling with her gorgeous mother on the beach. We had one model, Benita, fly from Chicago to Miami whilst another, Mary Berkley, DROVE all the way from Alabama to Miami just to appear in the issue! We went from Paris to London to shoot a plethora of beauties, including blog rock stars Georgina Horne and Callie Thorpe. We have the marvelous Maria Jimenez Pacifico included in the issue coming all the way from ICELAND, and exquisite Charlotte Coyle drops in from Ireland. And so many more! We were thrilled to be included in a new Channel 4 UK documentary on the Plus Size fashion industry! Then I will be off to Moscow in late May to judge a beauty pageant there, so if you are in Russia and want to be photographed, let me know! In June I will be in Mozambique, so again if want to arrange a photo shoot hit me up, cause we are International Bebe!!! We were sorry not to find any French translators for this issue unfortunately. While we are thrilled to be inundated with people who want to model and shoot and write, translators are very few and far between. So if you are a French to English translator and open to working on some articles we hope you will get in touch!w Lastly, we have been scratching our head’s trying to see how we can get everyone in the magazine who wants to model and we have come up with an idea! Starting in Europe and we will see how it flies before we branch out, but if your city can get 20 women (10 per day) to commit to a paid photoshoot then we will come to you! We will take the pics we shot and create a mini issue with some of the shots that we have taken of each participant. This really works for us as it is our strong belief that you don’t need to be a agency signed model in order to be an effective and inspiring model. It is up to us to bring the Super model out in you and that is done with the immense aide of Hairdresser/Makeup artist extraordinaire Rachel Williamson. You come with yr mood board of photos which inspire the pics you would like us to shoot and you bring 5 or 6 looks for us to shoot in an hour and then VOILA! We make magic! If you want evidence of this look no further then the stunning women we shot in London, there is an editorial section showcasing their genius, so check it out and then COME MODEL FOR VOLUP2!!!! Now with no further adieu, I bring you NOIR ET BLANC,

Velvet d’Amour For more info on this AMAZING opportunity contact us at voluptwo@yahoo.com

For more info on this AMAZING opportunity contact us at voluptwo@yahoo. BLACK & WHITE VOL • UP • 2

VELVET D AMOUR

Editor, Creator, Art Director + Photographer

ALAN J. THATCHER

Graphic Design/Magazine Layout a|anjthatcher.com

DANIELLE SIDHU Editorial Assistant

CLAIRE BRIGHT Blogging Intern

BRENNA PAXTON

Web Designer & Advisor

SPECIAL THANKS TO / MERCI BEAUCOUP:

The Wests, Yanderis Lodos, Jamel Elgharbi, Christopher Parry, Rachel Williamson, Wendy Chin, and Grace Teshima Cree par Velvet d’Amour, premier mannequin grande-talle a avoir infiltre le monde elitiste parisien de la Haute Couture,VOL•UP•2 veut encourager ses lectrices (et ses ecteurs) a se reveler dans toute leur imperfection et a devenir fibres de leur corps dans sa magnifique integralite! Velvet a longtemps combattu la vision etriquee que la societe a des criteres de beauty, en essayant de mettre a l’honneur, le plus possible, des femmes de gabarits et d’ages differents. Ce magazine est le fruit de ce travail, a savoir une celebration visuelle de la beauty ronde, associe a une volonte de renforcer l’estime de soi e ses lectrices. La premier numero de VOL•UP•2 sortira le jour de la Saint Valentin et aura pour theme: “l’extase”. Autre exemple de theme dans les numeros suivants: la feminite a se faire connaitre aupres de Velvet apres la lancee du premier numero. Elle leur fournira alors des directives editoriales et la liste des themes qu’elle voudra aborder dans les numeros suivants. Created by supermodel Velvet d’Amour, the first supersize-plus model to infiltrate the elite world of Parisian couture, VOL .UP.2 encourages readers to revel in their every *imperfection* and celebrate their bodies in their glorious entirety. Born out of Ms. d’Amour’s work to expand soci-ety’s limited notion of beauty by building awareness about women of every size an shape, the magazine is a visual celebration of full-figured beauty, combined with a self-affirming message of inspiration. Future issues will feature themes such as Femininity and Zest. Contributors of photographic work and essays are invited to submit work for consideration. Submission guidelines are available on our website: volup2.com For more information, advertising informations, submission guidelines and opportunities, please contact: voluptwo@yahoo.com © 2015 Velvet d’Amour TOUS DROITS RESERVES AUCUNE PARTIE DE CETTE PUBLICATION NE PEUT ETRE REPRODUITE, UTILISEE SOUS AUCUNES FORMES OU PAR QUELQUE PROCEDE QUE SE SOIT, ELECTRONIQUE OU MECANIQUE, MISE EN MEMOIR NI TRANSMISE SOUS QUELQUE FORME OU PAR QUELQUE PROCEDE QUE CE SOIT: ELECTRO-NIQUE, MECANIQUE, PAR PHOTOCOPIE OU AUTRE, SANS AUTORISATION PREALABLE ECRITE DU REDAC-TEUR EN CHEF. TOUS LES ARTICLES ET LES PUBLICITES INCLUS DANS CETTE PUBLICATION EXPRIMENT LES OPINIONS DE LEURS AUTEURS RESPECTIFS, ET NE SONT PAS FORCEMENT PARTAGEES PAR LE RE-DACTEUR EN CHEF ET/OU L’EDITEUR. NO PART OF THIS PUBLICATION MAY BE REPRODUCED, SHARED, STORED, OR TRANSMITTED BY ANY METHOD OR MEANS WITHOUT WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE EDITOR. ALL ARTICLES, AND ADVER-TISING INCLUDED IN THIS PUBLICATION REFLECTS THE VIEWS OF THEIR RESPECTIVE AUTHORS AND NOT NECESSARILY THOSE OF THE EDITOR/PUBLISHER.

CONTENT S ON THE COVER

Front Cover Info

Back Cover Info

Photographer Rafael

Photography K. Lang

Clemente

Photography

Model Fluvia Lacerda

Model Katana Fatale

St ylis t Stef fany Allen H/MU Christian Sanchez

ED ITO R I AL S Work of Art Strength will Find You Stripes Fabulous Self Spotlight Darker Color Change the World So much Gray

Hero Priceless Drop in the Ocean Disco ball Original Style Colorful Sleep Wild and Wonder

Vivre Drunk love Blue All Over Moments of a Dream Accepted Genderlicious Pure Love Model for VOLUP2

Glitter and Gay Giovanni Lo Presti Henna Heals Leap of Faith Nubia Rainbow Rebelle Society

Scuba Woman Behind it All Women Who rock Joanna Connor Women Who Rock Cassia DeMayo Zandra Azariah

A R TI CLE S Art-o-mat Before After Cancer Black and White Burlesque Camp Aranu’tiq Defying Gravity & Expectations Divine DeVoe

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CONTRIBUTORS

CONTRIBUTORS DANIELLE SIDHU /// Editorial Assistant • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Danielle Sidhu is a current student at the University of Minnesota Twin Cities pursuing a degree in theatre arts, and hopes to eventually work in the ﬁeld of theatrical makeup design. She has a strong interest in fashion, beauty, and creative writing and believes strongly in self-love and body positivity. She is an avid fan of science ﬁction, red lipstick, and winged eyeliner.

ALAN J. THATCHER /// Graphic Designer & Magazine Layout • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Alan is a Canadian Graphic Designer with a BDes from OCA U. Between Editorial, Web Site and Tee-Shirt design Alan keeps himself busy freelancing 8 days a week. To see more of Alan’s work visit alanjthatcher.com

BRENNA PAXTON /// Web Designer & Advisor • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Brenna Paxton is a graphic designer, writer, photographer, and traveler. She will receive a BFA in Visual Communication from the University of Kansas in May 2014 with a concentration in Spanish. Brenna is the Marketing Assistant at The Granada Theater, a live music venue, and she has spent the past ﬁve years actively involved with the Rotary Youth Exchange Program. Brenna is also dedicated to speaking up about eating disorders awareness and positive body image, amongst other advocacy issues.

JANEE CARROLL /// Photographer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Two part team of free lance photographers based out of Boston Ma and Portland OR. We cover anything from weddings to concerts to models and sports.

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CONTRIBUTORS CARMINA SUZANNE /// Feature Writer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Carmina Suzanne is an internationally published agency plus model as well as an opera singer, actress, producer, scholar and diversity advocate. She Event Managed the 2011 show Curves in Couture for Models of Diversity in London, writes for Paris-based Volup2 and Alizé La Vie, and works with E’lan NYC (for Clover Emberlynn Designs) as a fit model. She appeared on the catwalk at Pulp’Fashion Week Paris this past May, as well as NYFW 2015 for Dede Allure and Runway The Real Way. A passionate diversity advocate, Carmina is an experienced lecturer, public speaker and model mentor, pushing for models of all shapes, sizes, ages, heights, colors and ability levels to be treated fairly in fashion. She’s also the Founder and CEO of MODAL Productions, a fashion- and music-mentoring firm. CAPTURED BY CHELZEA /// Photographer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Chelzea has captured many into her world which allows others to view what she sees when she looks through her lens. Bringing an original touch to the fashion world with her anti-photoshop images and her ability to Capture effortless photos with the use of natural illumination. She provides her subjects with a vibrant, invigorating, and a provocative approach; which continually captivates her audience. Chelzea goes beyond borders and that is what sets her apart from most. With her candid and creative mind that always goes beyond limits, she is an unstoppable force.

PIA SCHIAVO-CAMPO /// Contributing Writer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Pia Schiavo-Campo is a Los Angeles based size acceptance activist, writer, actress, improvisor and plus size model. She loves challenging the media’s narrow deﬁnition of beauty through her work, and is living her dreams every day. www.cun/ysexychiccom hﬁD1/cunlysexychicblogspotcom/

MARIE SOUTHARD OSPINA /// Staff Writer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Marie is a narrative/immersion journalist and creative writer who loves covering stories about real, fascinating and amazing people. She’s a proud plus-size blogger, sci-ﬁ nerd, folk music aﬁcionado and cream cheese enthusiast.

MICHELLE ALLAN /// Staff Writer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Michelle Allan is a fully qualiﬁed Hair, beauty and make up Artist. She spent years in the beauty industry before turning her interests to journalism to use all her knowledge to promote health and beauty from the inside out.

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CONTRIBUTORS HANNAH EKO /// Staff Writer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Hannah Eko was crowned Miss Tall International 2014 and is the goodwill ambassador of Tall Clubs International. (If you are a man over 6’2” or a woman over 5’10”, join up!) Hannah currently lives in Brooklyn and will soon be a graduate of Penn State’s Community and Economic Development program. She loves Great Danes, Wonder Woman, and walking around cities with her headphones on. She blogs at hanabonanza.com.

DONNIE BROWNE & WRAPPED IN PLASTIC /// Photographer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Artist/illustrator based in Ireland working in a wide range of mediums with an interest in fashion, street an portrait photography.

MONICA DELEON /// Volunteer translator and contributor • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Monica DeLeon has taught, translated and interpreted French and Spanish for over 21 years. She has worked with a variety of media including articles, video scripts, academic, technical and professional writing. She did simultaneous interpretation for guests on the radio program she hosted for 6 years, Latin Excursions. In addition, she has also worked as Assistant editor, staff writer, contributing Editor and freelance writer for publications and individuals in Chicago, New York, and Atlanta. Monica has a B.A. in French from Dartmouth College, and a Masters in Contrastive Linguistics from Georgetown University and teaches language to students of all ages.

MEREDITH DAUGHERTY /// Staff Writer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Meredith Daugherty is a Master’s student at the University of Wisconsin studying French and Business and hopes to pursue a career in the cinema industry in artistic direction. A true southern girl with a passion for ﬁlm and a belief in the unquestionable power of hairspray, she is an advocate of positive body image for all women and the age old adage that when you look good, you feel good

STEVE WHITE /// Photographer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Steve White is a professional published photographer from Milwaukee, WI specializing in conceptual photography. He travels the world capturing life through his eyes. From editorial, weddings to family photos. He captures it all.

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CONTRIBUTORS BARON DIXON /// Photographer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Baron Dixon is an American artist/photographer residing in Phoenix, AZ, who enjoys combining the disciplines of painting and photography in his female imagery. “I enjoy creating an ideal image,” says Baron, “and I don’t really care how I get there, letting the process itself take me by surprise, even on something speciﬁcally planned a certain way.” barondixon@yahoo.com

VIMARI J. RODRÍGUEZ /// Staff Writer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Vimari Rodriguez is a historian/writer/teacher who is actively supporting the self acceptance movement and inspiring others to celebrate their attributes. She resides in Texas with her husband and children.

LOULOU CHAMPAGNE /// Burlesque Correspondent • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Loulou Champagne, international burlesque performer and revue producer in Paris, global burlesque Ambassador.

K. LANG /// Photographer • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • K. Lang Photography is a one woman show located in Portland, Oregon. K. is a self-taught photographer, and has been taking photos most of her life. K. is currently working to expand her photography into more than just a passion project.

RAFAEL CLEMENTE /// Based in NYC • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Freelance fashion, portrait, lifestyle and advertising photographer, High-end photo retoucher, graphic designer and visual artist with 10+ years of experience in the art industry. Currently, specializing in shooting curvy models. WWW.RAFAELCLEMENTE.COM

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WOMAN Behind it All, Marie Southard Ospina Article by Maerin Murray Photography by Paddy McClave • Lingerie Photography by Lucy Cartwright

s my first assignment with VolUp2 I have had the absolute pleasure of catching up with the wonderful Marie Southard Ospina!

experiments, think pieces, etc. In my own writing, my niche is definitely body positivity and size acceptance. Most of my work is rooted in inspiring self-esteem amongst my readers.

How long have you worked with Bustle? I’ve been with Bustle almost since their launch in the summer of 2012. I freelanced as a contributor until November 2014, at which point I started full time as Associate Fashion & Beauty Editor.

Why did you start writing a blog, and when? I started my own personal blog in the fall of 2012. I’d just gotten back to the U.S. after a year of studying abroad in Spain and the Czech Republic. Anyone who’s read even a little bit of my work has probably heard that said year abroad was a game-changer for me when it comes to body positivity and self-love. When I got back to the states, I wanted to find a way to hold onto that. I knew that if I didn’t, I’d be risking falling prey to the very linear standards of beauty enforced within the culture. Discovering the world of plus-size blogging was purely accidental. I knew I wanted to be writing, and I knew I wanted to be finding a way of opening up conversations about body politics, and it was through research that I found Ragini Nag Rao and her blog A Curious Fancy. From then on, I was hooked. I wanted to be a part of it in any way I could.

What does your work with Bustle entail? It’s a solid combination of writing and editing. I manage a team of about 15 writers, and work closely with them all on stories relevant to fashion and beauty. The focus is usually identity-related feature content, fashion

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What got you involved with the plus-size movement? Well as I mentioned, I wanted a way of opening up conversations I felt weren’t being had enough when it comes to acceptance of all bodies. Fat acceptance to me has always been about just that: acceptance. It’s not about health. It’s not about wanting to conform to other people’s ideologies. It’s just about the right to feel and be accepted. The right to be left alone if you happen to be a plus-size person who loves his/her body. When I started my blog, I pretty much only wrote about these topics. But over time, readers began requesting a more personal touch. They wanted to know how I applied all my talk about loving your own skin into my own wardrobe and sense of dress. From then on, Migg Mag started to evolve into a “plus-size fashion blog.” Simultaneously, I started writing for Bustle and was able to delve into some of the more controversial but necessary notions of size acceptance on there, so I’ve been lucky in being able to always do a mixture of content. Was body positivity a revelation to you or have you always been comfortable in your own skin? I don’t think body positivity is something anyone is comfortable with from Day 1. We’re not taught to be. As soon as we’re old enough to speak and understand what “fat” is, we’re made to fear it. We’re taught to be self-deprecating and critical. We’re taught to always strive for one very specific “aspirational” image of beauty. And we’re taught that if we don’t, we’re basically never going to amount to anything. Children are body positive until they’re old enough to have it hammed out of them. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin until I was in my early 20s. Whilst I always saw beauty in the fuller-figure, I never allowed myself to embrace mine. I could blame everything from my family to my Latina heritage to the media to school bullies for this, but it’s probably a combination of all of the above. The reality is that in the states, we have a very narrow and commonly accepted interpretation of beauty, and if you don’t happen to fit that mold, you’re not going to be comfortable within your self. And this applies to basically all humans. I don’t know anyone who has never suffered with body image in some capacity. I went through the same struggles many plus-size women do. I crash dieted, I lost the weight, I became addicted to exercise, I got very, very sick. It took leaving the U.S. for a good amount of time — to be exposed to more size inclusive cultures, to fall in love with someone who I could openly discuss body positivity with — to start feeling remotely confident. What impact do you think the “size zero” image has had on society? I don’t think anyone can deny that it’s a vastly detrimental image to maintain. We’re at a point when most sentient, rational people can at least accept that not everyone was built to be a size 0. Some women are naturally that small. Just as some women are naturally predisposed to being larger. But I think we NEED to stop linking “health talk” with talk of acceptance. Whether we’re discussing a size 0 model who very clearly suffers with an ED, or a size 28 model who has slightly high blood pressure, their health should be irrelevant. A person’s merit isn’t down to their dress size. It just isn’t. What prompted your love for fashion? For a long time, I viewed fashion as this horribly oppressive thing that just wasn’t “for me.” I spent my adolescence in baggy jeans, t-shirts and sack dresses. My goal was to hide my body, at all costs. I started really exploring the sartorial world when I got back from that year abroad. I was filled with a very clear desire to break all the rules. To wear stripes and bold prints and tight dresses and obnoxious princess tutus if I so pleased. It happened at a time when more brands were expanding their size ranges. Had I wanted to do this in high school, the options literally wouldn’t have been there. But luckily, my self acceptance coincided with a lot of retailers wanting to cater to the plus customer. And so fashion became one of my most instinctual forms of self expression and identity. It allows me to be in control of the image I want to put out there — of the version of myself I want to be obvious on any given day.

Who are your major fashion influences? Currently, I have two. And they are both dear friends. Ragini (whose blog I mentioned earlier). And Freyia Porteus of Flimsymoon. Both embrace femininity in such a beautiful way. My style is definitely femme, so I gravitate toward women who see the strength in “traditional” femininity, but are simultaneously able to preserve that strength with a more child-like, dainty aesthetic. They both break the rules of what a “grown woman is supposed to wear,” and that’s something I admire very much.

version of yourself you want to be, on any given day. Chances are you’ll never encounter the same groups of people you’re with on one night ever again, so that definitely facilitates it. It’s important to feel like you can express all aspects of your identity. And NY allows for that on an intrinsic level.

Who are your favourite designers and why? I don’t have favorite designers per se. But I have favorite retailers, and they are ModCloth, ASOS Curve and Fashion to Figure. I love them all for different reasons — and the fashions sold at each are very unique from the others — but overall these are brands that don’t design plus size fashion with the aim of hiding the body. Their fashion is meant to be seen and celebrated, and that subsequently inspires women of all sizes to perceive their bodies as worthy of being seen.

Do you think that it is important that many famous retailers are bringing out “plussize” lines, or is it long overdue? Of course it’s important. Flash back to 2001, plus-size people were basically limited to the “husky” section of one retailer if that. As I said, people are multi-faceted beings. The fact that designers are starting to see that plus-size people are ALSO multi-faceted individuals craving expression through fashion, can only ever be a good thing. Size inclusivity is long overdue, yes. It should’ve been obvious to most designers from the get-go that being inclusive is a fundamentally vital thing. But at least it’s happening. And in this case, infinitely better late than never.

Which fashion era was your favourite, and which one do you favour least? Why? That’s a very difficult question, because I’ve only ever lived in the 90s and beyond. I didn’t see the fashion of other eras up close and personal. If I had to choose, I’d say the sophisticated quirk of the 1920s was right up my alley. When it comes to least favorite, I don’t really have one! Every decade has its sartorial merits. So you love in New York- every fashionista’s dream! What is your favourite thing about living in the City That Never Sleeps? I’ve lived in New York on and off since I was 18. And my favorite thing has always been the anonymity it provides. I suppose this is true of most cities, but it feels different in New York. People aren’t “absolutes.” We’re not one thing. We’re multi-dimensional and our personas embody many, many different facets. In NY, you can be whichever

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On the topic of New York, is Fashion Week an annual event for you or do you steer clear of it? Fashion Week isn’t something I live for by any means. Nor is it something I steer clear of. If I’m particularly interested in a designer or show, I’ll try to attend their runway. Otherwise, I’d rather just look at images online. I’m not a big “crowd” person.

I understand that recently you’ve been exploring my native UK! how did you find it? I did! I lived in the UK for a year and a half with my partner in West Yorkshire. During that time, I attended the University of York where I got a Masters in Modern and Contemporary Literature and Culture. Whilst the educational component certainly was not for me and I had very fundamental differences of opinion with most of the teaching staff, the country itself was ideal. I hope to relocate back to Hebden Bridge, where we were living. It’s this special slice of magic. The people who live there are just… open. It’s pretty much the antithesis of America in every imaginable way. And that’s kind of ideal for me. Your blog says you’re an avid sci-fi fan- what are your favourites of the genre? Haha. Definitely Star Trek (and I’m partial to the Voyager series). We’ve heard that you’re really into folk music too, what bands are you listening to right now? To be honest, I listen to a lot of the same folk musicians the world has been listening to for decades. Amongst my favorites are: Joni Mitchell, Bob Dylan, Nick Drake, John Martyn and Gillian Welch. As for more modern artists, I adore Bon Iver and Fleet Foxes.

For a long time, I viewed fashion as this horribly oppressive thing...” Your writing is an important bridge between the Plus Size movement and mainstream media. After your article on Tess Holiday the press Worldwide picked it up, as did your article on Velvet d’Amour, (eventually landing Velvet in CHINA!) what are your thoughts on this? It’s funny. I think as a journalist, you ultimately hope that your work will affect people in a deep, permanent way. The same could probably be said of any artist or person in a remotely creative field: a photographer, a painter, a novelist, etc. I’ve been lucky in that I’ve been able to combine my love for the written word with my love of the size acceptance movement and all that it stands for. When I wrote the articles on Velvet and Tess, I, of course, hoped those stories would get their stories out into the world — something I cared about because I’m such a strident supporter of what they — as powerful, strong, free thinkers — are doing. And whenever you write something, you have that twinkling hope that it’ll go viral, as well. But the length to which both stories actually went viral was unprecedented. I had no idea just how far they’d literally go. There are few journalists out there who’ve crafted this sort of niche of body positivity and size acceptance, with a focus on plus-size visibility. I can think of Liz Black off the top of my head, and perhaps Nicolette Mason. But having a platform such as Bustle, where I’ve always been free to express my many, MANY thoughts and feelings about these issues, has been so important. Not just for me, but for the people it allows me to celebrate. The people who deserve to be celebrated. I’d love to be the main liaison between the mainstream and the plus world haha, but I don’t think I’m necessarily that recognized yet. A girl can dream, though. If someone interviews me in 30 years and says they think I made some kind of difference for not just plus-size women, but all people struggling with body image, I’ll feel pretty humbled. Pretty special. You not only cover others stories, but you actually create social experiments using yourself, can you tell us about that please? As for my experiments, I think I’m quite interested in shock factor. People are still unfortunately shocked and appalled when a plus-size person does something with the intention of being seen, rather than hidden away amongst layers and hoodies. When I did my bikini experiment, I wanted to show how crazy it actually is that wearing a bikini to the beach is seen as this radical, brave move. All I was doing was wearing swimwear to go swimming — not so revolutionary, right? Except that in a world with as many prejudices towards people of size, and especially women, it IS seen as brave by those who appreciate it. I really want to make it so that someday, basic acts like getting dressed in what you want to get dressed in are normal for everyone. The point when a woman wears a tutu or bodycon dress when she wants to and doesn’t have to ask, “Will I be judged or mocked or bullied for this.” I just want plus-size women, especially, to be allowed to live without these barriers. So there you have it! If you want to hear more from Marie, find her on the web at both: www.bustle.com & www.miggmag.com

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BLACK &WHITE THE EXOTICIZATION OF MIXED RACE WOMEN IN WESTERN CULTURE

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Article by Pia Schiavo-Campo

as a White woman ever touched your hair without permission? It happens to me more often than not. They want to know, “Is it real? Is that all your hair?” Yes, and please stop petting me like an exotic animal. “Ohhh, mixed people are the most beautiful. Don’t you think?” No. I don’t. I think beauty is a social construct. I actually don’t say that, but I sure as hell am thinking it. The thing is, I’m being paid a compliment, and the person paying the compliment doesn’t know they are fetishizing me. But how do you explain to someone who subscribes to mainstream ideals of beauty, all the racialized nuances of what they are saying? The mulatta has historically been the subject of much fascination for centuries. The iconic female figure of racial ambiguity has represented the exotic “Other” – an object of male fantasy in which mixed race women are reduced to their body parts. And the danger in exoticizing us, is that we are reduced to objects to be admired, or even conquered. It is in this way we dehumanize and further oppress mixed race folks, which only adds to the complexities of racism. All women of color have been exoticized and fetishized in various ways, but this story is mine, and so what you read below does not exclude others from having had similar experiences. I am half Black and half Italian. My honey-colored skin and curly hair give me a certain kind of privilege in the world. I am perceived as being more attractive than my darker sisters because our society has engrained in us the insufferable idea that lighter is beautiful, and somehow more valuable. This prevailing hegemonic cultural attitude has perpetuated competition amongst Black women for centuries, with dark skinned women getting the short end of stick. I have been praised, exalted, and envied for something I was born with, rather than something I earned, and I struggle with it daily. My mixed race identity has always been a bit complicated. Having been called an Oreo by Black classmates in grade school made me insecure. I struggled with what it meant to be described as Black on the outside and White on the inside. I quickly discovered that I was perceived as thinking I was better than they were because I talked like a White girl, and that made me the enemy. My acute sensitivity and inherent shyness were no help to me. I was not quite sure where I fit in. As a college student I tried to fit in with my Black peers, who I wanted to connect with, especially living on a

small, mostly White campus. And I began to make friends until Black guys started asking me out instead of my dark skinned sisters. And I was not any smarter or more charming than my counterparts. Rest assured, I was made to feel special because of my light skin and “good hair.” I felt a lot of guilt about this, but also reveled in having the male attention I’d been denied as an awkward high-school student. I yearned for those friendships, but valued being attractive to men much more at that time in my life. And I didn’t fully understand the implications of my choice until later in life. I remained angry and confused about why I held privilege over women with darker skin and kinkier hair than mine. And despite the fact that I am half Black, to voice my frustration to Black women who were darker than I, felt dangerous and patronizing. I feared sounding like a White person who says, “I have lots of Black friends!” Which of course, is incredibly racist, because it implies that someone who has tremendous privilege (White people) can understand the oppression of others (people of color). And they never will. Just as I will never know what it’s like to live in a world that sees dark skin and kinky hair as third rate – undesirable even. And so when people pay me a compliment that alludes to my mixed race, I am polite, but indifferent. Because what they are really saying is that I’m beautiful because I’m just different enough. I’m Other. Though it may not be intentional, this type of fetishizing feeds into racism by reinforcing western beauty ideals that say to be too brown is overly exotic, and to be too pale isn’t exotic enough. And thus I am left with the feeling that I am somehow racially superior in many ways, yet I belong nowhere. I have been systematically reduced to an object of societal fascination. I have also had the experience of White folks not seeing me as a Black woman. They have “otherized” me, which somehow gives them license to test out their racist theories about people of color on me. I am often shocked at how bold they are. It’s as though my light skin blinds them to the fact that I am a woman of color who has experienced oppression. And so it falls upon me to school them. To tell them that I am a Black woman – that Black women are as diverse in skin color as we are in culture, and that all of us are valuable. Recently a co-worker made a comment about how nice my skin is. She asked what I do to take care of it. I told her, and no sooner did another co-worker come up and say, “It’s that Italian genetics working for you.” I said, “Actually it’s my African genetics. Haven’t you ever heard the saying good black don’t crack?” I said it jokingly, but really I meant it. My point is that people are so reluctant to ascribe any value or beauty to my Black side that I have to check them. It’s as though being half Italian (White) has won me a VIP pass. And I love my Italian culture very deeply. But it doesn’t require defending. The problem is that many folks are not as interested in celebrating my Black side. They don’t want to know that my mother is a Ph.D. and tenured professor who grew up in the projects of Boston, being called Black and ugly. They are not interested in knowing how intentional she was about making sure I understood the implications of the unearned privilege I was born with as light-skinned child in a highly-educated, middle-class family. They do not understand how I struggled to find my identity in a culture that demands we choose sides. I’m lucky. I’m not too brown and not too white. I’m just right. I’m exotic. But, who am I really? I’m the daughter of a socially conscious interracial couple who have been married 43 years. I’m a writer, a feminist, and an activist. At age 39, I’ve settled into a life that includes a progressive White husband from South Dakota, and a diverse group of friends who are committed to having discussions about race, oppression, and sexism. I am a lover of food—everything from the collard greens and spaghetti I grew up eating, to the tasty concoctions I prepare in my South Los Angeles kitchen. Phrases like, “Chile, please” and “Andiamo,--dai!” roll off my tongue in equal measure. I have found peace and purpose in my life as a Black woman who speaks Italian, wears her hair natural, and challenges the status quo. I have the kind of balance that I’ve always wanted, finding strength in my mixed heritage, and making sure to use my privilege to highlight injustice in the world. I’m not an object after all. I’m just one human being trying to make a difference.

BLACK & WHITE VOL • UP • 2

NOIR ET BLANC LA EXOTISATION DES FEMMES DE RACE MIXTE DANS LA CULTURE OCCIDENTALE

Article By Pia Schiavo-Campo

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Lorsque j’ai découvert que Wonder Woman avait une sœur noire, j’étais folle de joie. Mon intérêt pour Wonder Woman crût avec les années, et cela devint une obsession sans limites quand j’appris qu’elle était une Amazone princesse guerrière. Vous voyez, je suis une sorte d’Amazone moderne. Ma taille avoisine les un mètre quatre-vingt-dix depuis le lycée et à l’époque je ne faisais pas partie du groupe des filles minces. J’étais avant-centre de l’équipe de basketball : la fille souriante sur la rangée arrière de la photo de classe. Donc, quand j’ai entendu parler de Nubia, la jumelle de Wonder Woman, c’était passionnant. Enfin, il existait une héroïne qui me ressemblait. Nubia avait été introduite dans l’univers de Wonder Woman en 1973 et n’avait pas réellement été mise en vedette très souvent. Son rôle est assez copié sur celui de Wonder Woman: elle a les mêmes pouvoirs (force surhumaine, vitesse, agilité, etc.) et ressemble à une version chocolat enrobée de Diana Prince. J’ai été impressionnée de savoir qu’elle existait. J’ai toujours été contente de voir des exemples de filles comme moi dans les médias, même si c’était un personnage secondaire dans l’histoire. Réaliser que j’étais une beauté noire particulière n’était pas facile; d’ailleurs il y a eu un temps où j’étais toujours à la recherche de quelque chose dans un magazine propre à augmenter ma propre estime. J’ai grandi dans le comté d’Orange, en Californie où des femmes noires, géantes, de type amazone faisaient cruellement défaut. Lorsque j’ai lu des histoires concernant les femmes noires et les images de leur corps dans les médias, ces femmes noires étaient présentées comme aimant leurs corps inconditionnellement. Il y avait toujours certaines statistiques montrant comment les femmes noires n’avaient tout simplement pas les mêmes infortunes corporelles que les femmes blanches. Les femmes noires sont toujours confiantes, toujours sûres de leurs formes particulières et de leur attrait. Je sentais qu’admettre que je n’avais pas souvent aimé mon apparence me ferait passer pour une faible. J’étais déjà une sorte de “fille noire « hors norme », s, et souvent accusée de “parler comme une fille blanche.” Je n’avais pas envie de donner une image de moi-même autre que celle d’une puissante femme noire. Du coup, j’ai gardé mes pensées pour moi. J’ai toujours refusé d’admettre que ça me faisait de la peine de ne jamais ressembler à personne d’autre qu’à moi-même. D’ailleurs, j’ai poussé ce désir d’être différente jusqu’aux extrêmes. Je voulais soit la silhouette d’une Jordan Dunn soit les formes d’une bouteille de coca d’une Melissa Ford. Ce sont les beautés noires que j’ai vues recevoir le plus d’amour et je me voulais comme elles. Parce que pour la plupart du temps, dans ma vie, les hommes que j’aimais m’ont accordé trsè peu d’attention. Le saint baromètre d’estime du corps féminin, l’attention du mâle, n’était pas pointé dans ma direction. J’entends beaucoup parler de l’amour du corps aujourd’hui. Il y a foule de chansons, de blogs, et de

pub sur le sujet. La plupart des conseils donnés dans ces domaines sont simplistes et superficiels. “Aime ton corps “, disent-ils, comme si les femmes n’étaient pas déjà en train de tenter de le faire dans un monde pris en otage par des complexes industriels de produits de beauté multimilliardaires, des magasines en vente avec des photos en couverture loin de vanter les différences de races, de tailles, ou d’handicaps. J’aurais aimé que quelqu’un me dise que pour assumer ma beauté noire particulière, je devais passer par un stade spirituel. De prime abord, l’amour du corps semble n’être rien. Dans la société occidentale, on nous apprend à voir le corps comme quelque chose de sans importance. Nos corps sont des projets à peaufiner et à travailler à volonté. Pendant de nombreuses années, j’ai pensé que tout ce que j’aurais à faire, c’est faire un entrainement approprié et développer les fesses d’une parfaite stripteaseuse pour me sentir à l’abri des risques. Je pensais que s’il y avait une Top-modèle ou fille en vogue du moment qui soit semblable à moi, je me sentirais finalement soulagée. Si j’avais laissé dans mon sillage des gueules béantes d’hommes, j’aurais su que j’étais vraiment quelque chose. Je suis une féministe, et depuis longtemps, mais c’étaient mes croyances les plus profondes. Je pensais réellement que pour être consciente de ma beauté noire particulière, j’avais besoin de soutien extérieur et plus encore d’éléments de preuve. Presque toutes les traditions spirituelles enseignent que la recherche de sa valeur en dehors de soi conduit direct à la catastrophe. Plus d’une fois de parfaits inconnus m’ont dit que j’étais belle. Ca n’avait pas d’importance. Si je voyais une mannequin ou une athlète qui me ressemblait, louée pour sa beauté, je me disqualifiais. Je ne me sentais pas de la même classe qu’elle. Mes traits ne sont pas symétriques. Dans le temps, si un gars s’intéressait à moi, je supposais qu’il avait quelque chose qui ne tournait pas rond. J’étais assoiffée de compliments sur mon physique, mais je rejetais ceux que je recevais parce qu’honnêtement je me sentais laide. Il allait falloir énormément d’énergie à une Nubia pour me convaincre de ma beauté ! Certains diront que s’engager dans l’amour du corps n’est pas si important. Je comprends. Dans le long terme, nos normes de beauté sont si étroites et si liées à la jeunesse, alors que tout le monde finit par vieillir un jour. Mais, je suis avec mon corps chaque jour toute la journée. Je reçoit constamment des messages à caractère sexiste, raciste , qui m’expliquent comment mon corps devrait être. Mon corps est un messager et le canal par lequel je vis directement l’expérience du monde. Pour moi, l’amour du corps et une radicale estime de soi sont essentiels. Lauryn Hill m’a sauvé au collège. Voir cette talentueuse femme à la peau foncée, considérée comme manifestement belle dans les médias populaires était un baume pour mon âme de quatorze ans. En fait, je ne dis pas que les canons de beauté sont à jeter ni que ce n’est pas important de se considérer obligatoirement comme sublime quand on se regarde dans une glace!. C’est important. Mais l’essentiel, le vital est ailleurs. C’est à l’intérieur de soi. C’est un apprentissage, un travail , que s’accepter telle que l’on est, et il faut le faire aujourd’hui et pas plus tard à partir de maintenant. Ce travail impliquera souvent de voir que nos imperfections corporelles provoquent une profonde tristesse: la douleur voir que cela nous sépare des autres. La méditation et la lecture de livres constructifs sur son corps comme le yoga et l’ «Image du Corps » de Melanie Klein et Anna Guest Jelley sont des moyens que je recommande pour s’engager dans ce travail aboutissant à mieux aimer son corps. Je suis à un point où je suis sûre de ce fait. Quand je commence à entendre ces vieilles remarques débiles sur ma laideur supposée, ça ne me touche plus comme avant. Au lieu de me réconforter en cherchant des filles comme moi dans des magasines ou même le regard de mon petit ami, je regarde en moi. J’écoute ce que cela fait résonner en moi, je laisse dire, mais je n’en fais pas tout un plat. Cette remarque ne résume pas qui je suis. Ma beauté noire particulière est tout simplement belle. Je continue à faire ce travail sur moi, encore et encore, et les retombées font que je sais que ça en valait la peine. Cela peut sembler bébête, mais c’est néanmoins vrai: mon héroïne, ma Nubia, a toujours été en moi.

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hat started as a project of determination and love by Nick Teich, LCSW, PhD candidate and founder of Camp Aranu’tiq, has become the umbrella organization Harbor Camps, 501(c)(3). Harbor provides camps for youth and families of specific populations that may often feel marginalized. Nick’s first, Camp Aranu’tiq started in 2009 and is a fun summer camp experience for transgender and trans-variant youth ages 8-15 (and their families). Coming to Harbor Camps in 2015 is a camp for the children of LGBTQ parents and in 2016, a camp for dwarfism. The camps are in undisclosed locations in New Hampshire and a recently one in Southern California. The name “aranu’tiq”, is a Chugach word, the indigenous people of Alaska, and means a person who embodies both the male and female spirit. The aranu’tiq people were thought to be lucky, revered, because their existence transcended traditional gender boundaries.

Camp Aranu’tiq A fun summer camp experience for transgender and trans-variant youth Article by Genevieve Shouff

“

EXPLORING NOT JUST YOUR IDENTITY”

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Camp Aranu-tiq’s philosophy is more in line with the Chugach word then with how transgendered folks are treated in mainstream America where many see transgender as an affliction, a mental illness, a result of brainwashing, something needing to be fixed. The GLSEN study in 2009 which focused on transgender youth found that “[the] hostile school climate had very negative repercussions on transgender students’ ability to succeed in school- a high incidence of harassment was related to increased absenteeism, decreased educational aspirations, and lower academic performance (Greytak, Kosciw, & Diaz, 2009). Camp Aranu’tiq’s mission however is to provide a positive environment to make friends, feel save and supported while exploring not just your identity, but exploring the woods! This is a real overnight camp, with single week youth camps and a family camp, whose main goal isn’t to try and fix something that is wrong; it’s not about behavioral therapy, it’s about having fun. The emphasis is on the “camp experience” not therapeutic intervention though several volunteers are therapist if the need arises. Tuition is free and it’s 100% volunteer run with swimming, canoeing, arts and crafts, land sports, dance and drama, team building, campfires, s’mores, and late night chats. Nick Teich’s own story of being most unsympathetically dismissed after his own transition lead him to such innovative place. Nick rose up in the face of widespread discrimination, understanding fully what it meant to be ostracized for being who you are and determined to create a place where children who are transgendered or gender-variant can go and feel free to discover who they are, connect with others and have a safe camp experience. He did just that and more. http://www.harborcamps.org/ http://www.camparanutiq.org/ To donate: https://harborcamps.z2systems.com/np/clients/ harborcamps/donation.jsp

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Scuba

CATHERINE CONNORS in her own words Photography by Corinne Grealish

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All the colors of the

Rainbow Article by Casey Donovan • Photos by Karen Watson

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We live in a world filled with all the colors of the rainbow and so much more. Our bodies are our canvas in a society that is forever trying to tell us who we should be, what we’re supposed to look like and how we should act. Growing up in a world that has so many demands it’s sometimes hard to fit in (in more ways then one). Society has done a great job in segregating us into our different stereotypes. Or are we just conforming to make things easier on ourselves? I am an almost 27 year old, morbidly obese daughter of an Aboriginal man and a beautiful, caring white Australian mother. My Aboriginal side of the family, is a very close knit mob, not only in family but in community as well. I never really had much interaction with them until my early teenage years and from those times I learned a lot about my culture and what traditions comes along with it. I found that the Aboriginal people carry a lot of respect for their elders. More than I’ve seen from any other culture thus far. My Mum’s side has been my guidance, my support, my rock for a better word. They may not carry the same cultural traditions, and they may not have the same beliefs, but they are equal in family values. I found that the white Australians are more for giving ones own independence and personal space. Letting you grow as an individual rather than part of a group. I won a national singing contest called Australian Idol in 2004, at the age of 16. This, I believe, is the event that completely turned my world upside down. I was in a relationship with this adorable, sexy hot guy called Campbell who I spoke on the phone with almost every night for six years. He was my first love who I never actually met face to face. I had some lesbian encounters at his request with his best friend Olga in the hope that he would show up. I thought this is what he wanted and at that stage and I was desperate to do whatever it took to bring him to me. To make him want to see me. I later found out after six years, that Campbell was not real, his best friend Olga, the one that I had sexual relations with, turned out to be him and I got cat fished by this evil person. Cat fishing http://www.mamamia.com.au/social/casey-donovan-hoax/ I’ve been in one 6 year relationship with a guy that turned out to be a girl and almost completely destroyed my world. I have battled with weight and daddy issues my whole life. I have always longed to be loved but am so quick to push it away and after all the ups and downs I can still stand on my own two feet. I know that I am breathing, I am here, I am present in my own life. I am content with the way my life has turned out. And for the most part I am happy. So where do I fit in? I have painted my canvas with tattoo’s, maybe to try and take some focus off my bumpy bits. Every piece of art on my body, means something, it has a story. They make me, well, me! We all fight our own demon’s, no matter what our body shape or size. We all want something better, healthier, stronger and we are forever trying to fit into the mold of society. But why? If I have learned one thing in my short life, it has been to accept who I am for what I am and all of my imperfections. As cliqué as it sounds, your happiness starts with you and you alone. It is only then that your canvas can be painted with all the colours of the world and you will be happy and content with you as a person and you as a whole. Which brings up that question once again....Why black or white? My answer would be.... why cant we have both and more. If you like black. If you like white, If you like both even, then thats fine go ahead. But don’t see, use, or choose one because you feel thats what you should be doing? Think for yourself and what makes you smile. For your smile comes from the inside not the opposite. http://caseydonovan.com//

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REBELLE SOCIETY Celebrating The Misfits, The Outcasts, The Thinkers, The Artists, The Weirdos Article by Marie Southard Ospina

ebelle Society is a place for the “creatively maladjusted.” It’s a place for anyone whose art and creativity have been rejected – for anyone who has been told that his or her differences don’t belong. It’s a place to celebrate the art, the writing, the ways of living that society tries its best not to breed. It’s a place that celebrates difference, rather than attempt to destroy it. “Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes, the ones who see things differently -- they’re not fond of rules. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” – Steve Jobs Tanya Markul is the co-founder of this cyber hub of peculiarity, along with its sibling site rebellewellness.com. She is a writer, a yoga teacher and student, and a creativity and wellness alchemist. Rebelle Society began as a collaborative effort with Andréa Balt, whom Markul had worked with on another online publication in the past. The two were brought together because of their apartness from the rest. If they weren’t being chastised for their ideas (which were too different for the strict administration), they were essentially invisible. As the pair became more connected, they began exploring outside of their current situation and environments. “One idea led to an inter-conneted string of heartfelt dreams,” says Markul. “You could say it planted the seeds for our Creative Manifesto, and we jumped ship to build a virtual country with no borders.” I felt in tune with Rebelle Society, and found myself wanting to know more about Markul – the woman responsible for “21 Things to Let Go of Today” – an article in which she examines the surplus of thoughts and objects crowding our ability to live as whole and happy human beings. Things like smart phones, attachments to calendars, regrets, longing for perfection, ex-romances. Things that we forget have negative implications until we hit that dreaded point of no return. I wanted to know her thoughts on art and beauty and inspiration.

Marie: Do you think much of mainstream art is censored and/or reluctant to embrace controversial work/writing? Tanya: Sure! I believe the reluctance is extremely relevant toward artists that create art that pushes individual and group boundaries, and promotes debate around society’s sensitive and controversial issues. Challenging conformity, corporate influence, religion, dogmas, regimes, institutions and the status quo, to name several, at any level can trigger strong reactions from such audiences. “Creativity is the greatest rebellion in existence.” – Osho. Marie: What is your relationship with yoga like? I know you teach it, but how have you felt inspired/affected by the actual practice? Tanya: My relationship to yoga is and has been a journey of intimacy, inquiry, self-discovery, healing and an invitation to exist within the freedom of the present moment just as it is. The relationship to my practice is and has also been non-dogmatic. As a dedicated student of the practice, what has been the most profound learning, to which I’ve only begun to scratch the surface, is tapping into the wisdom of the body, learning to follow the body, allowing the body to express itself, and inviting a connection to the deeper wisdom conscious living reveals. As Friedrich Nietzsche put it: “There is more wisdom in your body than in your deepest philosophy.” Teaching for me has been humbling and an awakening for all my senses – an inquiry if the voice I’m using is my own, are the beliefs and values I’m holding mine or someone else’s, is what I’m offering something I’ve authentically experienced, and what are my deeper intentions in a position of teaching. What I offer students is an invitation to reveal their own expression and to tap into the wisdom of who and what they are in a way that only they can in this moment. Marie: There seems to be an almost psychedelic vibe to much of the writing and content on the site. Would you agree with that? What are your own thoughts on drug experimentation and recreational use? Tanya: I haven’t heard this about Rebelle Society before, but interesting! I do believe the definition of ‘psychedelic’ includes words like: mind-altering and expanding consciousness. So, from these two points-of-views, I’d agree! Rebelle Society does have a mind-altering

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and expanding consciousness vibe. I have also heard of many artists throughout history discovering their creative expression or journey toward ‘wholeness’ via the use of recreational drugs. Van Gogh was said to have a love affair with absinthe, Basquiat was said to have a few mind-altering substances of choice and Hemmingway was an alcoholic. I don’t feel I’m here to dictate or judge an artist’s method while they search for the courage to find and express their creativity or wholeness, as when we truly consider the essence of life, I feel more like Dali: “I don’t do drugs. I am drugs.” Marie: What are things that inspire you on a day-to-day basis? Tanya: The profound effects of a good night’s rest, vivid dreams, taking the time for deep relaxation and the possibility of meditation, moving the body (especially in nature), observing human interaction, and of course, reading inspiring articles on Rebelle Society. Daily inspiration also comes from acknowledging that I no longer work a nine to five job and that I am in love with what I do for a living. I’m a full-time yoga teacher and writer, and every moment I really, really, really realize this, it blows my mind. I worked with one foot in the nine-five world and one foot seeking a more meaningful reality for more than a decade. Now having both feet in the same place to explore and create offers me a deeper sense of who and what I am, it offers me relentless motivation, freedom and joy – I wish this for everyone who wants it and want to help them find it. It is possible – let’s set each other free!

Marie: What would you say is the best experience you have had as a result of starting the site? Tanya: Aside from the moments when I’m floored or brought to tears from reading an article from one of our contributing writers at Rebelle Society, there’s my growing friendship and partnership with Andréa. We spend, and have spent, days on end tilling the fertile soil of our creativity, which to say the least, is and has not always been easy! We constantly challenge each other to find the courage, the voice and the words to reveal our creative superpowers, and yes, there are at times hair pulling that coincides the creative sparring. Our unique connection always carries us back to the shores where we started. That’s a deep-rooted trust, brutal yet sweet honesty, a loving vulnerability, unrelinquished support of one another, and a constant acknowledgement of the bigger picture. Marie: If you could have a meal with anyone in the world, living or deceased, who would it be and why? Tanya: It would have to be my grandfather (you said anyone). He died when I was eight years old and was the only father figure I’ve ever had in my life (my grandmother, the only other parental figure, died almost four years after him). I’d absolutely love to meet that man now, for him to see me at this age. I’d prepare him a homemade meal. I’d record and observe all his mannerisms. I’d allow his voice to seep into the dark, musty chambers of my heart, and when he was ready, I’d invite a bit of fatherly commentary about the woman sitting across from him. And, when it was time, without a single plea for him to stay, I’d offer all the love and gratitude I’ve held so delicately within my instrument all these years – all for him, all because he left me, not with grief or despair, but with an imprint of the deepest life-lasting love. Yep, it would be him, hands down. Links: http://www.rebellesociety.com/ http://www.rebellesociety.com/author/tanya-lee-markul/ http://www.rebellesociety.com/behind-the-scenes/

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BEFORE /AF TER

CANCER

Article by Jacqueline Hornet • Photos by Velvet d’Amour • Translated by Monica de Leon

little less than 10 years ago, intrigued by the immense size of my buttocks, Velvet D’amour asked me to pose for a photo shoot. I didn’t have a lot of confidence in myself – having lived with a physique that is different than the norm, hasn’t’ made it very easy on me on a day to day basis – I endured sideways glances, exaggerated sighs by passengers when I took my seat on public transportation, and quite regularly some observers found it fitting to describe me using the name of just about any and every large animal there is. These for me were common occurrences that I experienced on a regular basis. This wasn’t pleasant for me. It stressed me out and I was especially discouraged about how easily the insults flowed. On the other hand however, there were some good people I came across for whom one’s physique did not define one’s character or worth. At the time that I met Velvet D’amour, I was one of those girls whose weight topped triple digits on the scale. I had chestnut colored hair down to my buttocks, greenish-blue eyes and I was learning to appreciate all that I was and to make others appreciate me as well. Without being a vixen I had achieved nevertheless some success with men, very few, but success nonetheless. This first photo shoot changed me a lot. She helped me to more easily accept my physical differences. Seeing myself through Velvet’s lens, I discovered a new person, one that I found pretty, attractive, and sexy…to my great surprise this person was me! After this initial photo shoot, I was less attached to what others thought of me and I no longer noticed the sideways glances. I knew that I still got them, but my new faith in myself prevented me from seeing them, and I was equally deaf to harsh comments that I still received here and there. I must say that over time, I’ve stopped noticing them at all. This new attitude of confidence put a stop to any inclination others might have had to express mean spirited comments or negative opinions, which was a good thing. It made life more comfortable for me. As I moved on through life with more confidence in myself, life continued to present a lot of difficulties for me. Since the age of 12 I have been confronted with illness. When I was 12 my father suffered a brain hemorrhage. He survived but his cognitive function was severely diminished and it left him extremely disoriented.

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My mother became the head of the household and for many long years, with strength and fortitude, she supported us but at the expense of her own well-being and health. One day during a routine check-up, a mass was detected in her breast. At the time I was 16. The word “cancer” at this time was completely taboo. My father was sick, and there was no question that my mother was also sick - in spirit. She had completely forgotten herself and within a short period of time the illness took its toll. Despite a mastectomy followed up with intense chemotherapy, the illness advanced throughout her body and metastasized to her bones. Again there was no question that the word cancer was indeed applicable. She however learned that the symptoms she was experiencing were similar to those of osteoporosis so she decided to claim this as the name of her illness. By the end of 5 years she succumbed to the disease and died. My father survived her by 7 more years and then slowly let himself die because he missed my mother so much. When my father became ill, and my mother was no longer available to calm my fears that I took refuge in food and began to gain an excessive amount of weight. I thought that at that point I had survived the worst period of my life but alas, I was mistaken. Less than 5 years later, during a routine check-up, we were notified that my sister had a mass which extensive examinations revealed to be cancerous. She endured a mastectomy followed by chemotherapy and then hormone therapy for 5 years. In an attempt to protect me, she requested that genetic testing be done to determine if she carried a gene which put members of the same family at a higher risk of developing breast cancer. Because both my mother and my sister had had breast cancer, this heightened the risk factor in my family, and she hoped to either avoid my also falling prey to the disease or at least gain knowledge of the risk that could make me more prepared. This genre of research takes time and we were told that my sister would have to wait over a year before she would receive any results to the tests. Fate however had its way, and one morning I noticed that the nipple of my right breast was retracted. I decided to make an appointment for a mammogram which detected a problem, and this is putting it mildly. I made another appointment with my gynecologist who, after an extensive battery of tests announced that I had breast cancer and that judging from the significance of the mass I should undergo a mastectomy, and then follow up with chemotherapy and radiation. This was painful, difficult, and demoralizing sometimes but I finally completed the largest of these tasks in October of 2014. The results of the genetic testing reached us while I was already under a physician’s care and they indicated that my sister was not a carrier of this specific gene. This confirmed for us that indeed the illness is genetic and could touch all members of our family, both male and female. Research is still being done on her to try to gain a further understanding of why 3 women in a single family have been ravaged by the illness. Here I am today. My long blonde hair has disappeared and has been replaced by very short gray hair. Most importantly today, I have only one breast which is difficult for me to admit and to cope with. I have often been told that my greatest physical attribute was been my large buttocks, but for a woman, the breasts signify her femininity. It has not been an easy thing for me to live with. When I am alone, looking at myself in the mirror sometimes I feel as if I am looking a different woman, one that I don’t know. Mentally it’s been a long journey for me to achieve acceptance. I had a second photo shoot with Velvent d’Amour and I looked forward this one more than I was that first one we did almost ten years ago which enabled me to accept my imposing stature, to accept the voluptuous woman that I was and to embrace my beauty and allure. During this session I wanted to prove to everyone, and especially to myself, that I am alive, that the disease may have taken my breast but not the seductive woman that I discovered in myself thanks to Velvet. This women still exists, the disease will not obliterate her no matter how difficult it may be sometimes for me to accept her and to find her desirable in spite of a missing piece. I was surprised at my poise while taking photos which I think, was due

primarily to the complete confidence I have in Velvet who has always listened to me, and who sees the virtue in all of the women she photographs. When I found myself once again faced with the task of participating in the shoot, I forgot about everything – being nude, showing myself without hiding who I was had become less of a problem, something I had to do, something that was becoming part of my process of moving forward in life. I am not dead. These photos show that I have something to prove beyond the bad, beyond the disease, beyond the word cancer and beyond all that it brings with it. My will to live brings hope and a degree of peace and happiness in my life. Today I clutch fiercely to this desire to live. Every day that I survive, or that the disease does not win is a gift. I learned this from the 5 years of constant observation I endured during which the possibility of death hung over my head, if in fact the cancer did metastasize. It did not and I feel as if I have been protected like Damocles’ sword. I depend to the fact that my sister has not had a problem since her breast cancer, and that she is in a true period of recovery now that she has reached her last year of hormone therapy. Recovery, voila, a word that is rarely used by oncologists who prefer the word remission. In three weeks the end of my journey will be in sight, when I begin hormone therapy. Since I don’t seem to have any secondary effects, there is a real chance that I too will share recovery with my sister. The questions I grapple with today concern my choice to not have breast reconstruction. The idea of getting back on an operating table doesn’t exactly excite me. I haven’t yet spoken to my surgeon but I do think about it. My romantic life is nil. For a woman to start off a relationship with a physical “handicap” like the one I have isn’t easy. I haven’t actually asked myself how I might feel about it. I don’t really know how I could experience intimacy with a man with this different body. I will deal with the situation when it happens. Well, that’s my journey. I notice how the process has affected my cognitive abilities. I have a lot of difficulty completing long-term projects. This is one of the primary changes I have noticed since my illness but I try not to worry, to stay confident and to believe that a future awaits me which will bring me the peace I have longed for. In conclusion, I’ll share the formula for life that I discovered while watching the movie The Shawshank Redemption with Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman. In one pivotal scene of the story, during a moment when the protagonist, Morgan Freeman, is doubting his life choices and is caught up in fear, Tim Robbins tells him: “Life limits us to one choice – so hurry up and live or hurry up and die.” I had never really understood that statement until my bout with cancer. My illness helped me to understand the significance of (the choice implied in) those words: “hurry up and live or hurry up and die.”

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SEARCHING FOR NUBIA Article by Hannah Eko

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hen I found out Wonder Woman had a black sister, I was ecstatic. I always knew about Wonder Woman growing up, but grew infinitely more obsessed when I learned that she was an Amazon warrior princess. You see, I’m kind of a modern Amazon. I’ve been 6’3” since around junior high and was never on the model-thin side. I was a basketball center; the girl smiling from the back row of every school picture. So, when I heard about Nubia, Wonder Woman’s twin, it was exciting. Finally, a black heroine that looked sorta like me. Nubia was introduced into the Wonder Woman universe in 1973 and hasn’t actually been featured very often. She is a fairly imitative character of Wonder Woman: she has the same powers (superhuman strength, speed, agility, etc.) and looks like a chocolate-coated version of Diana Prince. Still, it was pretty awesome to know she existed. I was always gladdened to see examples of my image in the media, even if it was as a comic book cameo. Embracing my particular black beauty wasn’t easy and there was a time I was always looking for something in a magazine to augment my self-love. I grew up in Orange County, California where tall, Amazonesque black women were sorely lacking. When I did read stories about black women and body image in the media, black women were presented as unapologetically loving their bodies. There was always some statistic that showcased how black women simply didn’t have the same body woes as white women. Black women were always confident, always secure with their particular body shapes and attractiveness. I felt that admitting that I often didn’t like how I looked would make me look weak. I was already kind of an “alternative” black girl, into The Clash and often accused of “talking like a white girl.” I didn’t want to draw myself further apart from the Strong Black Woman narrative, so I kept my insecurities on the DL. I never wanted to admit the innumerable times I ached to look like anyone but myself. For me, this wanting to be different operated in extremes. I either wanted the runway proportions of a Jordan Dunn or the coke-bottle dimensions of Melyssa Ford. These were the black beauties I saw receiving the most love and I wanted in. For most of my life, I received next to no romantic attention from the men I liked. The holy barometer of female body validation, male attention, was not directed my way. I hear a lot about body love nowadays. There are no shortage of songs, blog posts, and Dove commercials on the subject. Most of the advice given in these realms is simplistic and superficial. “Love Your Body” they say as if women were not already attempting to do so in a photo-shopped racist, sizeist, ableist, multi-billion dollar beauty industrial complex supported world. I wish someone had told me that embracing my particular black beauty was a spiritual undertaking. On first blush, body love seems like anything but. In Western society, we are taught to see the body as something unimportant and open to our mechanistic ways. Our bodies are projects to be tweaked and worked on at will. For many years, I thought that all I would have to do was adopt the right ab workout and grow the perfect stripper booty to feel safe. I thought that if there was some Supermodel or It Girl of the moment who looked like me, I would finally feel relief. If I left a league of gaping mouthed men in my wake, I would know I was really something. I am a feminist and have been so for a long time, but these were my beliefs at the deepest level. I truly believed that to embrace my particular black beauty, I needed external support and evidence above all else. Almost all spiritual traditions teach that searching for validation outside the self is a recipe for disaster. Complete strangers have told me I was beautiful more than once. It

my heroine, my Nubia, was always within.”

Lauryn Hill saved me...” didn’t matter. If I saw a model or athlete who resembled me get lauded for her prettiness, I would disqualify myself. I’m not as toned as she is. My features aren’t as symmetrical. If a guy expressed interest, I assumed there was something probably a little wrong with him. I was eager for affirmations of my beauty, but I dismissed the ones I received because I honestly didn’t believe in my beauty within my soul. It would take an exponential amount of Nubias’ to dent my own “I’m not pretty” convictions. Some will argue that engaging in body love isn’t that big of a deal. I get it. In the long run, our standards of beauty are so narrow and so tied to youth, that most of us will “age” out eventually. But, I am with my body all day every day. I am the one subject to the constant messages coated with sexist and racist prescriptions on how my body should be. My body is a messenger and the way I directly experience this world. For me, body love and radical selfacceptance are crucial. Lauryn Hill saved me in 7th grade. To see this talented, intelligent, dark-skinned women who was held up as obviously beautiful in popular media was a balm to my fourteen year old soul. So, I’m not saying that beauty “role models” are without their use or that seeing a reflection of ourselves as gorgeous isn’t important. It is important. The imperative, the absolute truth lies somewhere else though. It is within. It is learning to do that hard work of accepting oneself as is, today and not five pounds from now. This work will often involve seeing that our body woes point to a deeper sadness: the pain of being separate and not belonging. Meditation and reading body positive books like Yoga and Body Image by Melanie Klein and Anna Guest Jelley are some ways that I recommend engaging in the work of loving one’s body. I am at a point where I recognize that the power of self-acceptance is with me. When I start to hear those old, creaky stories about my supposed ugliness I am not swayed in the same way I used to be. Instead of searching for the nearest magazine cover girl or even my boyfriend’s gaze, I look inward. I listen to what that story is saying, allow it to exist, but I don’t buy into it. That story is not who I am. My particular black beauty is simply beautiful. I have to do this work again and again, but the rewards and realizations have been worth it. It may sound corny, but it is nevertheless true: my heroine, my Nubia, was always within.

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THE FULL FIGURED FASHION Week At The Hub Of It All Article by By Marie Southard Ospina

Photography by Rick Jones Anyone remotely familiar with movements in size acceptance and body positivity will know the name Gwendolyn DeVoe. Though it sometimes seems that it’s only now, circa 2015, that women (and men, in all honesty) are standing up for plus-size visibility, there have been pioneers in the movements working at just that for years. Decades, even. Amongst them, former plus model, fashion event producer and Full Figured Fashion Week Founder DeVoe herself. Since its inception in 2009, FFFWeek has been putting the spotlight on women so often told by the mainstream fashion and beauty industries that their bodies are flawed. That their bodies are unworthy of runway attention — unworthy of something as simple yet necessary as human acceptance. “I was inspired to create Full Figured Fashion Week after attending New York Fashion Week and realizing that none of the beautiful clothes that I saw on the runway were available to me,” DeVoe told me in an exclusive interview for Volup2. “Not because I couldn’t afford them, but because they didn’t come in my size.” This is a struggle that connected DeVoe, intrinsically, to thousands of women in the same exact position. Women

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wanting to use the fashion medium as a means towards self-expression, but unable to do so due to the size restrictions placed by so many designers and brands. Though it wasn’t until after high school and college that DeVoe “became plus-size,” she was lucky in that plus modeling was becoming popular just as her body was going through something of a metamorphosis. “I have been extremely fortunate to have supportive family and friends who embrace me at any size,” she says. But this is obviously not the case for many plus-size people. With the prevalence of weight stigmatization in contemporary culture (something DeVoe sites as being “because of the thin-obsessed images we are forced to see every day in the media”), a self-deprecatory sense of body image seems almost inevitable for most. The battle to end body shaming, however, is not an easy one. The Western world is so infiltrated by the “thin is the only beautiful,” ideology that it’s going to take a lot of time, sweat, tears and confidence to make a dent in ending these biases. But DeVoe believes it’s possible, nonetheless. “I think that once we embrace the willingness to accept one’s weaknesses and emphasize our strengths, at any size, this will make a difference overall,” she says. “We have to unlearn what is fed to us.” And by that, I cannot help but feel that she’s referring to that beauty ideal — that narrow vision of beauty that segregates so many, and leads to the self-loathing of so many more. Although it could be said that DeVoe’s work these days is rooted in fashion, she’s not what she’d call a “fashionista” by nature. “Actually, I stumbled upon the fashion industry

quite by accident. I am a former athlete turned plus model turned fashion event producer,” she notes. “But although I have had no ‘formal’ training in fashion, I do have my own personal sense of style and have always managed to put myself together quite nicely.” Somehow, DeVoe’s lack of “official” training in fashion makes her work that much more special. You don’t have to be a “fashionista” as defined by Anna Wintour to see the power that the medium can hold. To see the power that the showcasing of plus-size women through empowering, stunning ensembles can transpose to all those around them. It’s no wonder, then, that FFFWeek has been so well received. “[It] has been greatly supported by plus fashion bloggers, retailers, independent designers, small business, etc.,” DeVoe notes. “Although there is no immediate desire to franchise FFFWeek, I hope that I am able to have additional FFFWeek events in Los Angeles, Canada and on one of the Caribbean islands, since this was my original concept.” Whilst it would be incredible to see FFFWeek go slightly more global, the fact that it’s held in New York City, of all places, is important. The hub of all things fashion, the setter of trends, the home of the Fashion Week heard around the world, New York City is a force to be reckoned with. Due to a long history intertwined with big dreams, people flock to “what’s happening in New York.” For an event dedicated to the promotion of size acceptance — of self-love — to be held in such a place speaks multitudes to the platform it has created, and to the souls it must be touching. DeVoe told me, “I am personally inspired by any woman who embraces her own sense of fashion, and executes it daily, regardless of style.” And it’s simply so inevitable that such a type of woman is the very one who will infiltrate FFFWeek. Or who will be inspired by the events being crafted therein. DeVoe’s work ultimately shows that plus-size woman — like all women — should have the freedom to dress as they so please. They should pick up the horizontally striped dress, the bodycon mini, the colorful tutu, the low-rise jeans, if that’s what they want. Because freedom of self is not exclusive to the numerical value inside your denim label. To young women struggling with body image, DeVoe suggests, “Reject all negativity by embracing who you are. Even as an adult, you may continue to face constant criticism about your body. Our bodies change and our bodies evolve, you just have to embrace it in whatever state it is in.” Wise words, undoubtedly. But from a woman who cites heroines in Oprah Winfrey and Cheryl Sandberg and who dedicates much of her spare time to dancing and thrifting, I wouldn’t expect any differently. By Lucas photos

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LEAP O F FA I T H Article Photos by Genevieve Schouff

World Chess Boxing Federation (WCBF) World Champion and transgender advocate, Bobby Berry, talks to me about his experiences both as a male and as a female and the leap of faith he took from being a hard-core atheist to discovering his own spirituality. Born in South Africa, Bobby now lives in Northern California just an hour outside San Francisco and is a proud father of 3. Bobby with an “i”? I prefer Bobby with a Y because it’s more androgynous, when I was discovering myself I was called Sheila. Why Sheila? Sheila was a bit of a joke name but it comes directly from the Australian slang for a woman. My last name was “Shag-a-lot”, with a silent “g” and “t” so it was ~Sheila ShaaLo~, so a bit of a drag name. I wasn’t a drag performer but the funny thing is when you are discovering this you don’t know the difference. How do you identify gender wise? I like to think of myself an “MTFTM”. In the circles, an “MTF” is someone assigned male at birth and is becoming female, an “FTM” is female to male. I use the word “tranny” because that’s the way I describe myself, I went on hormones, dressed feminine but I realized that it really doesn’t matter what your gender is. When did you discover something about you was different? In South Africa, being gay was about the worst thing in the world, my father was extremely

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homophobic to the point where I wasn’t even allowed to have a G.I Joe because it was a doll. Was this rule just for you or your older brothers too? I was always the momma’s boy, the crybaby. Suspect. It was clear something was different with me so they overcompensated. At the time, we didn’t know even know what ‘trans’ meant. You were gay or you were not. For a long time I thought I was suppressing those feelings and just couldn’t figure it out. These days I define myself bisexual. Equally attracted to men and women or attracted to the person regardless of gender? From just an attraction point of view, I find women far more attractive, I can pick a beautiful woman coming down the street no problem, but actually to find a man attractive, it’s pretty difficult..

Ha! I don’t think that’s a problem unique to you! (both laugh) I remember back when I would find myself in a gay situation or a potentially gay situation, I would always shy away from it, I would always say ‘no, I’m not comfortable’. But when I started dressing and living the female persona, it switched completely for me and I thought ‘yeah, let me experiment with this’.. Why just a change? It is definitely a mind switch when I do get dressed; it’s such a ritual. First, you have to shave your entire body and then you put on the moisturizer, and then it takes whatever to get the makeup on and just right, and oh heavens! It’s like this trans rite of passage in the beginning, other trannies wouldn’t help with the makeup so you have to try and do it yourself. You end up looking like an awful bloody mess and they would make fun of you, like a hazing type thing. Eventually, once you go through all these processes, you get to the point where you are like now.. I do feel like a woman. Dressed as the ‘characterization’ of a woman? Part of the whole trans thing is you have to piece little things together. Standing at a distance the hair is a big part of it and if it’s long, one is far more likely to accept the rest of it. Have you tried to growing yours out? I have, but it’s thin and wispy. Ahh, similar female issue, eh?.. Oh, my hair is to thin, my boobs are too.. That was one of the things that AMAZED me, was the self-deprecating nature of being feminine, this incredibly self-critical image. These days I go back and look at the pictures and I remember at the time thinking, god I’m so ugly. And now I go back 5 or 6 years on and I look at them and I say, hold on a second, you are actually fricken beautiful! You just run yourself down and it’s just brutal. I think it’s something that most women experience; that it’s so difficult to see how beautiful you really are with all these fricken social constraints. That’s one of the things I like about you doing so much to let bigger ladies realize that they are beautiful Genevieve. It doesn’t matter what mainstream society thinks. Maybe the self-deprecating thing also has to do with size because it’s a way to be smaller, you take up less space when you are always criticizing yourself like that, shame is going to make you shrink inside, a way for your soul or your energy to be smaller. I definitely felt that it was new feminine feeling. Certainly when I started dressing, trying to be self-aware and improve myself in that respect, it was a completely new emotion for me to have to cope with. So much of the trans psyche is a desperate need to pass, and when you are big as me, you’ve just got no chance.

As big as us Bobby, we are the same size! I’ve never been able to fit into the norm, even if I tried being 6’2”. But, things changed for me significantly after having the experience of feeling fully loved and accepted as I was, then with Forrest yoga I came to some new conclusions about size.. I decided to be even bigger. This XXL body is not big enough to contain all of my spirit! I am bigger then I am aware of. The other day it was such a sad thing for me. I’m waiting to get my ticket at a parking lot and there’s this lady in front of me. All of a sudden she starts twitching and she says to me, “Can you move back a little bit”? I said fine, so I step back a little bit and she’s still fumbling around and she says “look, I’m really sorry, you probably don’t understand this but you’re a big guy and I’m feeling really intimidated by you being so close to me”. And I said ‘well, is it gonna help if I stand further back’? I stood further back and she managed to finish up and you know I tried to be nice and say have a really nice day but I think this happens a lot that when you are as big as us. People are intimidated by you, even if you are coming with no ill intent at all, it just happens. That was really sad for me to actually see that woman go through that because it was so not where my psyche was, I just wanted to use the machine. I get that as a tall woman. I used to hear it more in clubs, guys would say things like, “I wouldn’t want to meet you in a dark alley”. Meanwhile I have this giant smile, was probably minding my own business eyes closed on the dance floor.. People just feel obliged to comment on my size e-v-e-r-y d-a-y.. it gets so tiresome.. A friend that went through the surgery said to me, get some synthetic breast, go to the grocery store and see what it’s like to have people shocked by your image. I thought, I’m not ready for that and its one of the reasons I stopped taking the hormones. The big reason I stopped was I ran out of money. A big problem for a trans-person is money. It’s very expensive ‘cause none of the insurance people will cover you nobody wants to employ you so there absolutely no money in being trans at all. It’s funny to me that some people thing you would choose that.. Yeah, really. I mean, where’s the benefit here? My family has disowned me, I can’t get a job.. Why would you choose that? Conservatives are so wrong on that. At some stage I might go back on the hormones. The funny thing is, it’s not like a high. The only thing that I really felt was that I was normal, clearer, focused, and then when I went off the hormones, it was shockingly bad. From a depression point of view I saw death. The strangest thing is that she is not ugly, she is the most attractive, seducing woman, something that you would want to embrace. I think it had something to do with the testosterone just flooding back into my body; I haven’t been that close to suicide before. It flips you out and you know, men are typically known for being horny dogs; it’s the fricken testosterone, you can’t focus! You just want to go and have sex and aren’t really interested in other esoteric ideas. Men, poor things.. (both laugh) You have this rare opportunity to experience both worlds. It’s not really black or white, its both. The diversity of experiences that I’ve been able to have has been amazing. Tell me about your spiritual realizations. Back in South Africa I was brought up Christian. Once I hit puberty I very quickly realized that it wasn’t right. This was my realization that Christianity was wrong, I went to church, overwhelmed by the sermon and needing my sins to be forgiven I go down and get to the side of the stage. Then, this song comes on and they start giving out the collection plates and it just hit me like a ton of bricks that I’d just been a show to get the money from the other people. I just felt so cheated by it all. When was this? It was about 1985, ‘86 and it was about that stage I was still under the impression that Nelson Mandela was some sort of terrorist because that’s what we were led to believe. Then you have these Free Nelson Mandela concerts and you’re wondering why

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someone like Paul Simon would come and support this guy, he’s a terrorist. And then you realize, oh hold on, I’ve been lied to my entire life. What a realization! Once you realized that you have been a victim of the whole propaganda system, you’ve got to reevaluate everything and the only barometer I could come up with was science. Science seemed to me like the only thing that was self-correcting if there was a mistake. My whole mental philosophy then became science based and I became a hard core atheist unfortunately. It’s hard to admit this, but I was like an evangelical person is extreme but to the other end which is equally as bad. I lived that way for many many years and alienated myself from my daughter. Then when I came out as trans, with her mother being an evangelical, as far as she was concerned I was the devil, one of the saddest things ever in my life. Still estranged? A little bit, she is 19, so hopefully she’ll come round. She’s an amazing person. So, from Christianity, to science to.. Well, I eventually met this girl that I was very attracted to and she was into Ganesha (a Hindu deity). I had gotten to the point that I was a bigot, an atheist bigot. I thought, am I really going to let my bigotry get in the way of a relationship with a wonderful woman? So, I made a conscious decision not to do that. My atheist mind thought, how am I going to justify letting myself have a spiritual experience so I can get laid? Ha! This is what I came up with.. In mathematics, there is a concept called imaginary numbers. The logic of straight mathematics is you can’t take a negative and a negative, multiply them together and get a negative. What they do then is say, let’s imagine that we can ok, let’s imagine that we can do this and get a negative number out of it. So, they took this leap of faith and now they have used imaginary numbers to describe electro-magnetism and it’s become a major part of mathematics! Yet, you needed this initial leap of faith.. Interesting.. So I said fine, that would be my justification. The other thing I said was that I’m asking the wrong question, I’m asking if there is proof of god; that’s not the question to ask. Rather, is there proof that mankind has always worshiped a god? And, as far as any documentation of humankind goes, god has been there. I was giving myself permission to be spiritual, justified as mankind has always worshiped god. Being spiritual is an integral part of being a human and not allowing yourself to experience that could be equated to not letting yourself love somebody. Wow.. Something as basic a need as that.

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Whether it’s true or not is completely irrelevant in regards to what it does for you. And so therein I let myself believe in Ganesha and it was amazing because I started experiencing these feelings and these emotions that I had cut myself off from for so long. But still, my inner atheist knows that it’s crap but I let myself have the experience. What is crap? The creation story, the idea of Ganesha. The whole thing about these religions are the god awful morbid stories that you become insensitive to. For example, the idea in Christianity that you have to crucify somebody to free yourself? A father is doing this to his son, its gross to the extreme, ok. To me, today I walk into a room and see a crucifix on the wall and it might as well be a guillotine. It’s a symbol of death not a symbol of resurrection. And Ganesha’s story is equally bad, the father ended up cutting the sons head off, then goes off and cuts the head of an elephant and puts the head on the boy’s body, ok and then the child then becomes the favorite child of the parents, two gods. But nobody seems to mind that a boy

“It doesn’t matter what mainstream society” and an elephant have been killed in this process. So I’m suspending disbelief and saying I’m not going to worry about that side of it.

To do what exactly? I lived with my cousin and his son and I would get dressed in my girl clothes. But, I had a little bit of a setback there because it turns out that this wonderful woman that I’m with, that met me as Sheila, wasn’t capable of getting involved in a long term relationship with a trans person. But, she met you as Sheila. It’s one of the most eye opening thing about being trans, it’s not just what people think of you; it’s what people think other people will think about them, because they are with a trans person. So just by being trans, not only are you taking on all that criticism, but you are passing it along to anyone that you are with. She flat out said I don’t think we can do it because of your trans stuff and I said, wait a minute, hold on, I can probably shelve it.. While in Africa trying to teach about it? Yeah, it was a complete fuck up and I shouldn’t have, looking back on it I probably shouldn’t have bought into it. Bought into the relationship? Bought into that I can be in the relationship and not be trans, say it’s not that big a part of me, I’m more into you. I tried to shut it down. So I got into this society that was unaccepting of it and I ended up kind of embracing that. Embracing the un-accepting-ness? Yeah, one of the most difficult things about being of a different orientation is overcoming your own personal prejudices. You have been brought up saying that it’s bad so not only do you think of yourself as bad but you think of other people in that situation as bad. Coming to terms with that was one of the most difficult things for me. So you have this vision of going to Africa to be a champion for trans awareness then end up shelving what brought you there. How did you feel about the vision when you look back now? I still fulfilled it, I educated them a great deal more than they were. You get over to South Africa and people don’t understand transgender at all “Does it mean gay?” It’s a completely different thing in San Francisco, it’s very accepted. I went with the mission that I’m gonna try and to educate people but unfortunately they said, ‘we knocked this out of you when you were a kid and now we are going to do it again’. And now how to you feel? We are all people and I’m going to just be ok with who I am. I’m going to experience both these things in this body that is mine. I don’t need to change it I can live in both and I can be both. That’s one of my breakthroughs. So that why, tongue in cheek, I call myself ‘MTFTM’. I went from male to female back to male again.

And then you had a vision? Soon after, I ended up taking drugs, ecstasy, and I had a vision of Ganesha.

It’s funny you just used boxing words to describe this experience. Now, you are the World Chess- boxing champion. Congratulations and thank you.

On Ecstasy? Yeah, I took a bit much. (laughs) I had this vision and the message I got was that I needed to go to Africa to help trans children. So, I started packing up and getting my affairs in order and contacted my cousin, only to find out that his sons is trans and I was staying with them.

To see Bobby in the ring as a chess-boxing champion: - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4AwjFDWtGI

You didn’t know he was trans? I didn’t know this before the vision. My atheist side says coincidence but the spiritual side was like yeah, that’s what I was meant to do. So, I went back to South Africa.

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Defying Gravity & Expectations

Article by Meredith Daughert

One woman’s journey to teach us all why the art of pole dancing has never been a simple question of black and white.

Standing 5’5” and weighing in at a beautiful 220 lbs., 30-year-old Roz “The Diva” Mays has climbed, spun and slid her way to the top of the Pole Dancing world. Teaching ten classes a week at three separate locations in New York, Roz has learned to use her size and strength to her advantage and now teaches hundreds of women how to embrace their inner goddess and love their bodies. As an African-American female plus size athlete, Roz has battled unfounded judgment and stereotypes from all sides and emerged even stronger and more determined. Surmounting every obstacle and remaining resilient in her fight to erase the aura of shame surrounding the sport of Pole Dancing, her goal now is to show the world how to “make it rain” on their own terms. Roz invites people of all sizes, colors, genders and personalities to share in her experience and of course, to look and feel fabulous while doing so. So tell me, how did you get your start pole dancing? I started October of 2007, so I’ve been doing it about seven and a half years now. I started because I love group fitness classes, I love dance classes and it was on the schedule at my gym. The first time I got my ass handed to me in every way shape and form - it was SO difficult. I couldn’t do anything during class but I was in love from the first minute. I haven’t gotten off the pole since. It has morphed from a class I take at the gym, to a serious hobby, to a career. As a plus size woman, did you face a lot of initial challenges? Were the exercises harder to master size physically? When you begin everyone is going to have problems. I do think if you have more weight that you’re trying to work with, it is more difficult because you have to build up more strength to carry that weight. What I find is that, what takes some of my more slender friends three or four months to do, it might take me a year. There are things I’ve been watching people do for years and that I’ve been trying since day one. Other people have been doing them since the third or fourth class and I am still not able to do it or I can’t do it as well as I want. I think pole is hard period. But I do think there are unique challenges that plus size dancers face. What were some of the challenges that you encountered in your first class? Was that class more exercise or dance oriented? The first challenge was plain strength. I had no upper body strength whatsoever. Everything that I’ve learned so far, and the strength that I have now, it all started from zero. It’s been literally trying and failing and trying and failing and trying and failing until you just continue to fail a little less each time. Soon the fail turns into a middle ground where you didn’t fail but you didn’t really succeed; you start to sniff out success and it becomes ridiculously exciting. That is what helps me and my students keep going through all the failures. I actually think, maybe even more important than the physical strength, is having the balls to be a plus size athlete in a sport where everyone is running around mostly naked and most people are slender and in a sport that can be very sexualized. It brings up so many emotions for me. One huge accomplishment was wearing basically a bikini and showing my stomach. Having my stomach exposed was one thing where I was like, “No you’re not allowed to do this. The rule is you’re too fat.” That was a huge hurdle to get over. To know that you’re not gross and dare I even say, you might have some sex appeal. I’m still working on that and I still have a lot of issues but pole has absolutely started to help me heal and nothing else has ever come close.

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It seems like you feel that pole dancing is an exercise that has a balance between working out both your mental and psychical muscles; a legitimate exercise where, because there is that sexual element, it helps women gain strength of body but also strength of personality. Absolutely. I would hands down say that pole has been a catalyst in me losing some weight and giving my body a new purpose besides just being fat, which is how I felt. Fat ugly and unattractive. When people work out, a lot of people want to be healthy but let’s be real - they want to look good too, and generally speaking, I think pole has also shown me that it is cool to be strong, and strong is our version of hot. Now I’m going to the gym not just to look good, but every time I work out I think, “How will this make me a better dancer?” and that’s what gets me through the really tough workouts. I would say that a lot of people have a very similar story of how pole has helped heal their damaged relationships with their bodies and their sense of worth. What has been the best outcome from you developing a career as a pole dancing instructor? I love teaching insanely. There is nothing that makes me happier. I’ve always known that and before I was doing fitness full time I’d had previous jobs where teaching or mentoring was a part of those jobs and I loved it. I can help people become physically healthier. I know hundreds of people who will tell you, “I hate working out,” or “I won’t go to the gym,” but they will come to EVERY SINGLE pole class and do whatever I tell them to do. They know it’s a good workout. Pole has been responsible for my career changing me, and I’m excited that I can help people steer away from having those three servings of Chinese food for breakfast, which I was guilty of, and maybe throw an apple in there somewhere. I know that pole is becoming a more and more mainstream exercise but have you encountered people who did not take you seriously as a fitness instructor? People that judge you up front? The most conflict that I’ve encountered was actually before I was doing this full time, when I was teaching on the side. I was actually fired from a few full time jobs that I had because of this. It was a factor, and nobody said it outright, but it was more than implied that that was the reason why I was fired. Usually the people that have made these decisions are people that have no idea what they’re talking about. They’ve seen pictures or videos of me on YouTube and they

I love teaching insanely. There is nothing that makes me happier.â€? Photography by David Haus

hadn’t asked any questions, but had made deductions from what they saw. On the flip side of that, for every one past employer or person that has looked down on this, I’ve had fifty million people telling me, “Thank you for doing what you do, thank you for being loud and unapologetically yourself and thank you for giving me an example that a plus size athlete exists and that we’re alright.” It’s ok to take the path less traveled, particularly in fitness. It’s no secret that pole dancing continues to have a negative connotation. As an African American woman, have you encountered people who assume that you are a stripper trying to legitimize herself by being a “pole dancing instructor”? I’m sure people have thought that and I’m sure that that adds another layer to the complexity of what I’m doing and who I am. I don’t give that much of a fuck though. Generally speaking in terms of race, I went to school with predominantly rich white kids and I’m the polar opposite. I was the scholarship kid. But what that did was teach me to get over issues with race really early. Racially I’m sure that’s come up but they can kiss my ass. What I am actually WAY WAY more paranoid about is weight. I have had weight issues since about seventh or eighth grade. What I didn’t realize when I was young was how messed up of an image I had of myself. I’m overweight and I’m black so I assumed none of the white boys are going to think I’m cute, which is completely wrong. I was always the big friend, the big kid in class; I wasn’t really good at sports. I had that “fat kid in gym” syndrome, the same fear so many people have. It carried into adulthood particularly in regards to the sexuality aspect. For a very long time I thought, “Why would any man find me attractive? There are so many other options out there”. Why anyone would willingly choose me over someone else is confusing. How that all relates to pole is that I still cannot say I’m totally confident in myself and my looks and my size hasn’t changed that much but I know I’m psychically healthier. I have far more muscle than I used to so I’ve replaced some of that excess body fat with something healthier. In fact, many times in pole over the last two or three years, I’ve had the gall to be topless when performing. That’s the type of thing where people may catch a photo or video of me on the Internet where people aren’t “supposed” to be naked and that’s something that has freaked out an employer or even a good friend. But when I look at those pictures I think about how long it took me to get to that level and to normalize my body so that I didn’t feel like an asterisk, where I started to see myself as normal and not as a freak. When I look at those highly sexualized pictures, I see, “Oh my gosh. I remember when I was subhuman and didn’t deserve to do this” and I want to say, “Look how far I’ve come!” It took four years before I would even wear a sports bra and shorts. That was a hurdle to get over. I was so jealous for so long of these girls running around at the gym in sports bras and booty shorts and I didn’t feel like I was allowed to do that. Nobody had said anything, I told this to myself. I still remember the first time I taught a class and took my shirt off because I was hot. I came home from that class and I cried the hardest I’ve ever cried because it felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders. It was freeing beyond belief. And now, good luck trying to get me to wear clothes. Do you find that there is a lot of camaraderie between you and the other teachers and performers? Is there an atmosphere of support no matter what size or what color you are? I think so. I think people in different studios or different parts of the country might say that they don’t feel there’s enough opportunity for people of color, or men, even, in pole, but it helps that I’m in New York and we’re all a little crazy. I also got in early with people who are now considered some of the best pole dancers in the world. They are the ones who didn’t let me stop. When I put limitations on myself and said, “There’s no way I could do that”, they’re the ones who didn’t blink and said, “Go try it”. I really have to give them a lot of credit because they had a lot of guts early on when I didn’t. I was actually unemployed for about a year and a half; I call it the dark ages. I was depressed, and it was one of those things were I could stub my toe and cry for three days. During that time, pole is what I want to say saved my life. I would cry all the way to the studio when it was time for me to teach and then I would teach, and since teaching is the greatest thing that has happened to my pole career, I would come out still upset, but I could function. I could make plans. The camaraderie is ridiculous. During those dark ages, three or four of my friends in particular, after Friday we would go out to dinner, very “Sex and the City”-esque. They knew I had no money but they never let me not come with them. It was always, “Whose

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turn is it to buy Roz’s dinner?” and, “No, you’re not getting the cheapest thing on the menu.” It was undying support and it’s what carried me through. It’s what helped me avoid complete and utter rock bottom. I’ve heard of exercise becoming an addiction but never really a refuge - that’s amazing that that is what it became for you. It absolutely did, and for some of my students too with whom I tend to form deep personal relationships. Some of them have shared that they are going through big life changes like divorces or eating disorders, and pole has served as that refuge for them where they can escape from what’s plaguing them on the outside and they can recover and better themselves. It gives them reason where they felt like they didn’t have that previously. The nature of poledancing seems like it’s a very intimate exercise. Do you think that that contributes to you forming these types of relationships with your students? Or is that just part of your personality? I would say absolutely yes. Pole is a really social sport. Usually you have a partner. You share a pole and take turns practicing moves so you have to speak to other people and help coach them. If I have an average class of 12 students, as much as I try and be hands on, I can’t work with everyone the entire time so you and your friends must help coach each other. I don’t think there are as many opportunities for that in other group settings. There are multiple people dependant on this one apparatus. You have to communicate. It plays well with my personality because I’m little miss joiner, miss “let’s all be friends,” very kindergarten teacher, but I think that stems from my fear of remembering when I thought I was inadequate in gym, and thinking I’m too fat to count. I operate from not wanting anyone coming to my classes and feeling like they’re not enough. My philosophy with teaching pole is that I’m going to take whatever you’re doing well, even if it’s just smiling, and exploit that. I’m overly theatrical, overly dramatic; I give pep talks for no reason, but that’s my style. For most people, that’s awesome, but it’s not for everyone. I am someone’s hell if you don’t like group fitness because I’m like a cheerleader on crack. The students who come to my classes, many have told me that they came to my classes because they say, “Roz, you look like me way more than those other instructors,” and I think it’s the small details that give people a sense of comfort. For example, I’ll talk about boobs a lot. I’ll say, “If your boobs are in the way, do this instead of this” or, “If you have really big thighs, you’re going to love them because this is how you can hold on to the pole effortlessly.” From my experience with other instructors I’ve encountered, is that they mean well but they wouldn’t always think about something like the boob variation. It sounds like the perfect exercise for plus size women or athletes. The reciprocal nature of the classes, the coaching, the motivation. You bring a unique perspective because you have the experience. Exactly. I remember stories of plus size people going to the

gym trying a class but then feeling awful afterwards and so that’s the end of exercising. In terms of the moves, its not just about power and strength. I specialize in beginners so I vary my curriculum. If we doing something that has to do with ab work, then after we’re going to twerk and when we do, it’s an excellent time for people to show their personality and take a leadership role in the class. That has nothing to do with size. Do you generally attract big personalities to your class or do you feel like you have to pull people out of their shell? I know some people, myself included have a hard time getting excited in the gym. I think people, big personality or not, are usually nervous. At least for the first couple classes. I think it’s less about drawing out a personality as it is trying to create an environment where it’s ok to fail. I will fully admit that I have definitely scared some introverts. But for the most part I’ve received really good feedback from people who are shy saying they were able to open up more than they ever have because I made it ok. I try my best to gauge when it’s ok to push people and when its not. Finding any reason to encourage and compliment them. That’s what gets people out of their shell, when I can recognize and acknowledge their hard work and that it means something to me that they are in my class voluntarily busting their ass. What about competitions? Have you gotten more and more into that scene as time goes on? I’ve done two competitions. One I won and that was a huge catalyst for me. That’s when I started teaching a lot more and when I had a lot of professional opportunities open up where people started to know who I was. The second competition I did was far more based on physical ability, whereas the first was about being a showboat on stage and doing you. Most pole competitions are feats of strength. While I’m strong, if you put me out there in the general pole public, I can get my ass handed to me. If I found the right competition that I felt would highlight my strengths or where I knew I could be me, I think I’d be way more into the competition circuit. I’ve done a ton of shows though. That’s different and I love doing those. Usually there is some kind of theme, and I’ll play off that. I remember the first show I did was after six weeks of poling at the gym, basically a gym recital where everyone was kind of new and I was the newest by far. It was so much fun and it was a really a wrap from there. You can’t get me off the damn stage. I love doing those shows but I was consistently the biggest person on stage, I was the only one who looked like me and I was exhausted from that. While I got nothing but great feedback, minority-hood is exhausting. I’ve had a lot of practice in this, I say I have my Ph.D. in being young, black and cute, but it’s exhausting sometimes. That being said, DANGEROUS CURVES that I started has been a huge thing for me. It is a plus size poledancing competition and it’s basically my way of leveling the playing field and taking the pressure off of how strong you are not and more highlighting what you are able to do. We have people that stay on the ground, and aren’t

Pole is a really social sport.”

Photography by Sharon Goldberg

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Don’t be afraid to fail. Do NOT give up.

Photography by Alloy Images

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able to lift both legs and others who are swinging from the top. I’ve done it for three years now and I’m planning the fourth one for this summer. It’s great that your competition has picked up press and promotion where people recognize that pole is a fun activity as well as exercise. Exactly. My particular style, what I like to do, is if people in DANGEROUS CURVES wanted to be completely naked then they can. If they don’t, they have the option, but the option is the nice part because then you can do what you’re comfortable with. I think with pole competitions in general, people don’t usually know what to expect. They think it will be like some sort of upscale stripper circus, and it kind of is, but people are usually amazed when they see the competitions for real and they realize that we train because we are professional athletes. We train hard, we do nutrition seminars and many of us are in the gym for hours each day. Generally the feedback from people walking into a competition is that they walk out in awe and with so much respect. What about your stunt career? Do you feel like by being a pole dancer you get type cast? It’s crazy because my stunt career is extremely little and new, but out the gate I got really big projects. I’m perfectly happy to be type cast because I’m still in the, “Oh my gosh, you want me in a real movie!!!” phase. I really only did pole work in the movie that I did, but for the others, pole got me in the door only. I am so thankful that someone randomly needs a plus size pole dancer. I’ll take it. I’ve been fortunate because in the work that I’ve done, I’ve never felt like I’ve had to sell myself out. Anytime you see someone flying on a pole onscreen, chances are I know them or of them, and if not, someone else does. It’s a small and a loud tribe. I know the major players and people are always like, well if I don’t’ fit the role then let me pass on this casting notice to my friends. I had a really good gig at the New Museum here in New York and, me being me, I didn’t want to apply, but I got it and it was an amazing experience. That was amazing in terms of casting because it wasn’t connected to any of my friends. It was from people who had a 100 percent objective view and no incentive to hire me. Do you feel like the acceptance of pole is a step forward in America that helps push people to be more open to their perceptions of body types and sexuality? I think it’s a huge step because it takes away all of that mysterious, “I don’t know what’s happening behind closed doors.” We’re opening those doors and showing people, yes, there can be a very sexual side of pole or of women as a whole but that’s a very onedimensional side of thinking if you assume that’s all that exists. That’s where a lot of the conflict is; those who criticize the sport or the industry only have that one view and don’t see the multi-faceted people that are a part of this. They don’t take time to stop, or think, or look, or question and think, “What’s going on here besides what I see on the surface.” I love when I see pole in the mainstream. I support it 100 percent. If you look at pole from an athletic perspective, take away the sexuality and look only at the technical moves then it is gymnastics. Because the sport itself is so brand new, I think we are where we need to be and where we should expect the sport to be. No one knows what we’re doing yet. We have ideas about what it might grow up to be, but we don’t know for sure. What kind of advice would you give to our readers who would want to attempt pole dancing? I say go for it. Don’t be afraid to fail. Do NOT give up. Our journey is going to be long, slow and really hard but I promise if you are consistent, you are going to change yourself from the inside out. That is an absolute promise. Also make sure when you’re doing this that you are surrounding yourself with people who also want to see you succeed. If you’re not comfortable somewhere, try another class or another instructor. If this is something you want to do and the only thing stopping you is your size, don’t let it.

shorts but its all the same size. Artista in particular makes custom outfits and even the stuff they mass-produce goes up to 3X and it’s cute, too. You get the gold sparkles everyone else gets. From a business standpoint the stuff is affordable and she’s conscious that not everyone looks like her, and she’s willing to do and make whatever she has to and I really respect and appreciate that. Visit Artista Active Wear’s site for all your pole dancing apparel: (http://www. artistaactivewear.com) So is it a trade secret or can you tell us what’s on your Bomb A$$ pole dancing playlist? Oh there is no secret. First and foremost is Beyoncé. I live my life waiting for her to pop up and say, “Roz, come on stage with me and bring your pole.” I play her three or four times a class. I’m also really into Jill Scott. Lil’ Wayne for the straight ratchet strip music. And Christina Aguilera is also in there. The cool thing about pole is sometimes we dance to things with up-tempo but we also slow it down. I think slower songs are a bit easier to dance to sometimes because they give you more time to think. I’ve done everything from Bill Withers to a show tunes playlist. We’ve done Stevie Wonder, Alicia Keys, Norah Jones; everything is welcome. How about the international representation of pole dancing? Is it more strictly an American thing or do you see a lot of international people at shows and competitions? It’s in every country you can think of. It’s one of those things where if you were outside of pole you probably wouldn’t know. I have friends whose entire careers are about traveling to countries and teaching workshops. Australia is the motherland of pole dancing. I would argue from a sport perspective that it’s bigger there than it is here. It’s also really big in Brazil. They have a gigantic international competition. There are pole camps and weekends all over Spain and the UK, France and Germany. There’s also a good size contingency of Russian contortionists. Also in Asian countries. In Japan there are studios, China and even as far as South Africa. The most unexpected place probably is in Dubai. I can understand having an American bias, but I think it’s mostly an issue of, if you’re not looking for it, it won’t cross your mind that this is an international sport. I will consider myself as having “made it” when I do my first international workshop. That is when I will feel successful. I’ve wanted to be an international pole star for years and it’s almost starting to come true now. To find performances by Roz, simply Google, “Roz The Diva” for all her YouTube videos. For additional information, follow @RozTheDiva on Instagram and Twitter. Facebook her here: https://www.facebook.com/RozMTheDiva Or email her directly at: Roslyn.Mays@gmail.com

My fashion question is do you have any favorite stores where we could find work out wear for those of us that want to try this? One designer who I really respect is Artista Active Wear. One reason why this brand is really important to me is because a few years ago I gave a talk about coaching plus sized dancers and the importance of having clothing that fits us. There are a lot of people making pole

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Alive For A Purpose

Article by Benita Santillanes

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When I first heard that I was chosen to model for Volup2 magazine I was both excited and nervous. Excited, because I love to smile for the camera and I have always wanted to model for a magazine. On the other hand, nervous because I am a below knee amputee and I knew thousands of people would see the magazine. In 1990 when I was 18 years old, I was walking down a side street in Chicago and was hit by a hit and run drunk driver. He came down the one way street the wrong way and pinned me between his car and a parked car and I lost my right leg below the knee. The man I was dating during that time, left me saying, I was no longer sexually attractive. Those words cut like a knife deep into my soul. I had a complex for years, but I have overcome the complex through the love of God, family, friends and loved ones. I realized I am more than just my leg. I am a loving, caring, funny, intelligent woman who wears her heart on her sleeve. Since my accident, amputees have become more prevalent in media, magazines and TV and it has been positive. I don’t consider myself handicapped because I am fully capable of doing anything, I just have to think outside the box. Sometimes it is frustrating that my body can’t do what my mind can but at the same time it forces me to find new ways to challenge myself and thus grow where others fail. My strength comes from God. It’s a miracle I am alive because of the severity of the accident but I am alive for a purpose. That purpose is to love and inspire others to embrace your authentic self, being unique is a blessing. I realized there are advantages to having a prosthesis, I don’t have to shave my leg, I don’t get foot cramps and best of all, I can change my leg to another prosthetic if I want. (LOL) Life is what YOU make it! Laugh and enjoy life! We ALL have challenges whether it is physical, mental or emotional. But without those challenges we cease to grow, challenges makes us grow. This is why it was an absolute honor to model for Volup2 magazine because the magazine celebrates all that I believe in, DIVERSITY! The experience with Velvet was amazing! She is so sweet and knows how to find and bring forth the beauty within you. I felt very comfortable during the photo shoot and she is an expert in what she does. Trying to arch your back, fluff your hair, twist at your waist and hold a pose wasn’t easy but it sure was fun. I think the most fun I had was changing outfits in the car and trying to get those black velvet pants off my prosthetic leg in the heat. The pants stuck to the latex covering on my prosthesis and my girlfriend had to help me pull them off, we were laughing so hard, it was a great time! I believe we need to love deeply and laugh hard. The bible says, “Laughter is medicine to the bones and life to the spirit”. Laughter and love brought me through a lot of difficult times in my life and what feels better than a great belly laugh with the ones you love? Through laughter I have learned to have fun with my prosthesis.

I have taken it off at a bar and told the bartender to fill it up. The bartender laughed so hard he gave me free drinks all night. Once I was walking with a co-worker over a bridge, slipped and fell and my leg came off and almost went over the bridge into the water had she not grabbed it. The lady walking behind me freaked out when she saw my leg pop off, I had to tell her it was a prosthetic. We should find a reason to laugh every day, its good for us. Life is to be enjoyed and we need to laugh, love and embrace diversity in everything and in everyone.

I HAVE TAKEN IT OFF AT A BAR AND TOLD THE BARTENDER TO FILL IT UP.”

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ART-O-MAT

The crafty Vending Machine Article by Michelle Allan

Finally vending machines that promote a healthy and cultured habit, no they’re not dispensing celery and carrot sticks but art. The Art-o-matt is the brain child of Clark Whittington who decided to rescue these neglected vintage cigarette machines and rehabilitate them to sell original works. These stylish contraptions now sell original works including jewellery, woodcuts, glass ornaments, watercolours, clay sculptures, the list is endless. Each piece is hand crafted wrapped in acetate and no bigger than a box of smokes. The initial idea was inspired by a friend’s Pavlovian reaction to the crinkle of cellophane, each time he heard the sound of someone opening a snack he felt compelled to purchase one too. In 1997 this idea became reality when Clark used a recently banned cigarette machine to sell his black and white photographs, mounted on blocks, for $1 each at a solo art show at a local café. The show lasted a month and all Clarks other pieces were removed, however, Cynthia Giles, the owner of the Café loved the Art-o-mat so much she wanted it to be a permanent fixture at the Penny Universitie in Winston-Salem. N.C. It soon became clear that in order for this to remain indefinitely the involvement of others was crucial to ensure the longevity of the project and so Cynthia introduced Clark to other local artists. This was right up Clarks street as after he graduated from Appalachian state University in 1988 with a bachelor’s degree in graphic design he had trouble finding a gallery to display his work. To combat this, he and two other artists founded and operated Rococo Fish Gallery in Charlotte for a few years so they themselves,

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and other unknown artists, had a place to show their work. The Art-o-mat is not a way for artists to get rich it’s a way to make art approachable to all. Their mission is “To encourage art consumption by expanding access to artists’ work. Art-O-Mat has created an opportunity to purchase original artwork while providing exposure and promotional support for artists” http://www.artomat. org/mission/ Today there are over 100 Machines in use around America selling over 200 artist’s pieces of work. But not to worry if you do not live in the USA you can purchase some from the online store: http://artomat. bigcartel.com/ The Art-o-mat welcomes new artists to submit their work at any time. All they ask is that the work is original and hand crafted and that a prototype of your work is sent at the machine dispensing size (54mm x 82mm x 21mm). Art is selected based on effort, craftsmanship, and originality and if yours is chosen be ready to create more. You can find out more about applying at: http:// www.artomat.org/guidelines/

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Glit ter and be Gay – Just Don’t Wear Pink Article by Carmina Suzanne Images © David Jay/The SCAR Project, 2011

hen I’m given an interview assignment, it usually entails online research, emails and phone calls. Well when fellow Western New York girl Velvet asked me to look into a fabulous woman, who lives in my same city of Buffalo, NY, I was excited. That means a faceto-face coffee, and maybe a cookie! But after getting to know Superwoman Candice Macy and her daughter, I’m just blown away. Artist, mother, cancer survivor, hearing impaired… Come meet Candice with me. Candice came to our attention through The SCAR project, an international exhibition, book and Emmy Awardwinning documentary celebrating young survivors of breast cancer in a raw, unvarnished manner by photographer David Jay: Breast Cancer Is Not a Pink Ribbon. The Scar website says, “Like the subjects themselves, Jay’s stark, bold portraits challenge traditional perceptions of the disease and capture the raw beauty, strength and character of so many extraordinary young women. Each portrait represents a singular, stripped-down vision of the life-changing journey that unites them all.” How has your life changed since the SCAR project? I have felt more confident and more accepting of my body. It was the first time I had ever shown anyone my scars. It has also changed in the sense that I have developed a ‘sisterhood’ with others that have been photographed or who have been involved in the Project. Unfortunately, I have lost my closest sister Jolene and a few others. It can be healing but also very heartbreaking. I was blessed to have a scar photo with Jolene before she passed away. It is one of my most cherished moments and I have it captured, thanks to David Jay. What advice would you give to other young people faced with a cancer diagnosis? The biggest struggle I had, believe it or not, was dealing with other people, on top of my illness. Everyone expected me to make them feel better about my cancer, for me to puke up happiness, which I was not and was admonished for not feeling well or for needing help and support. I felt bad about myself, for not being able to do or behave in a way of what others expected of me. I ended up really depressed. I had a lot of bad side effects and little to no support, and that was very hard on my emotional state. Therefore, my advice is; people are jerks, don’t take it personally, this time will pass, don’t let it eat you alive. It isn’t worth it. If you are lucky and can be surrounded by people who are more respectful, then don’t be afraid to ask them for help. Learn to say no or close your door on people who make you feel worthless or bad about what you are going

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through. I felt awful that I couldn’t do all the things I could do before getting sick. So, don’t worry about being perfect. I was expected to be able to have clean clothes on our backs, cooked meals for my daughter, and a clean house, take care of my dog, bring dishes to parties, and do it all sick as a dog with a smile on my face. I was expected to get implants and when I didn’t, I had people shoving their fakes into my face and people telling me I was making the wrong decision. I am glad I stuck by my decision and ignored them, I do not regret my decision, five years later, one bit, despite not being asked on one single date since, I still wouldn’t change my mind. My advice is to take it one day at a time, it gets emotional. Chemo is one of the few drugs that can cross the blood-brain barrier and it can mess with your mind. Don’t feel like you have to live up to anyone’s expectations, do what you need to do to get through it and if you have someone special, reach out to them. You will find out who your real friends and family are, hold on to them, they will get you through this. Lastly, get a good collection of glitter! On a bad day, use it, boys too. It’s sparkly and happy. Being sick, you want comfort foods and to most young people, that means a lot of sugar. Older people’s taste buds are different than younger people’s, which are biologically built to seek carbohydrates (sugar energy) for hunting, gathering, baby-making, etc so their taste buds will seek out the sweetest tasting food and foods loaded with carbs, especially when exhausted, for the most energy. However, refined sugar actually depletes energy and feeds cancer, and knocks out the immune system for five hours after eating it so it opens up your already non-existent immune system even more to pathogens and viruses. As much as you want to, and even if your idiotic doctor says it’s ok, it’s not. Avoid it. Avoid ‘white’ foods too like flours and white breads; they convert to sugar too quickly in the blood. Read labels and educate yourself on how to use food as medicine because certain foods can stop cancer dead in its tracks. If you can, go organic. You are young and now is the time to start developing good food habits. Besides, you don’t want your kids sick too? Become a good role model for your (future) kids. What are your views on fashion? Have they changed at all since your surgery? I never was into fashion. In high school I had to look good and wear what I thought was cool so I could fit in but that is the extent of it. I never believed in matching and accessorizing. Actually accessioning drives me insane. It’s time consuming and cumbersome to me but when I see it on someone else, it looks fantastic and it draws me to them so I’m actually surprised I don’t do it more. As a single parent, I like to sleep as long as possible then run around like a maniac and to be out the door quickly than to be taking another fifteen minutes when I am already running late. I also like to keep it simple. I also get overwhelmed by it and am afraid to do it wrong. I also dislike the feel of bracelets and carrying purses. Before cancer, I always wore things that enhanced my figure since I had large breasts for my size. Now, I could be a top ten candidate for What Not To Wear! I wear bland clothes, hide in dark colors and do everything I can to not to blend in. I hate our culture for putting breasts on such a high pedestal, rather than character. I could go to any other country and not be viewed or glared at the way I am here. I might even be asked out!! I hate shopping even more now, being unable to find anything that I accept as looking good on me, especially when most clothes are form fitting or are sewn for breasts or have V-necks. There is a lot people don’t think about when it comes to breast cancer and choosing not to reconstruct. But, I still stand by my decision not to reconstruct. I once asked someone I knew to dress fabulous if she could shop with me and it didn’t happen. I did recently get several new clothes, some of which I broke out some colors. Baby steps. Also, our culture is very breast oriented to the point that if you don’t have them, that you are an undesired member of society. When I do try to dress up, people are more

likely to stare and they are less likely to try to communicate as if I am doing this horrible thing by not reconstructing. They judge me instead of celebrating my continued survival, while so many women in a vain search of acceptance are dying from their implants or have to deconstruct or are in so much pain they can barely take a shower or do their hair! I have had women (not men) come up to me and berate me for not reconstructing and that impacts my views on my body and fashion and I am working very hard to overcome it. To have someone think, “What is she thinking?! How can she not reconstruct?? She looks so ugly, she is so stupid, she can get them for free or at least wear the fake in bra accessory! I can’t even look at her it makes me sick to my stomach!” is just beyond my comprehension, when they could be thinking, “Wow, she is alive, I am so happy to see her, I am so glad she did that to survive, she is so brave, and that make her so beautiful!” I have proved to them through the SCAR project that their thinking is wrong, I am beautiful. The Keep a Breast Foundation is putting the wrong idea into girls’ minds because what if they decide not to get mastectomies or do a reconstruction and it kills them? Save our girls and women, sisters, mothers, wives – not our breasts! From where do you draw your strength? My daughter and my dogs, they depend on me. I get up because of them, I live and breathe because of them. There’s no way I would have gotten through anything in the past decade without them. Tell us more about your tattoos? I designed the torn and ragged pink ribbon on my chest with rough wings to show that no matter how much I get knocked down, nothing can destroy the will to survive. I also wanted to show that breast cancer isn’t a pretty perfect ribbon, it is raw, it is ugly but it is also beautiful. I wanted a tattoo that showed my feelings, but also showed strength and also to destroy the image of what pink washing can do. I got the Superman logo on my right shoulder over my port scar to represent so many different things. I have been through hell and back in this life. I was born deaf, had a difficult childhood, and had many tragedies occur in my life so I attached myself to that logo early on. I also have a deep respect and inspiration from Christopher Reeves. The “S”, to me, doesn’t just stand for Superman but it also means Survival, Strength, and also my daughter’s name begins with an S. It runs deeper than what I can say here. The third tattoo I got is on my left arm below the shoulder. It is a heart with a nail stabbed through it and a crown of thorns on one side of the heart, surrounded by spider webs. It represents my faith and also I have always

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been attracted to spider webs because the fact that tiny creatures are able to design something so precise, intricate and beautiful in a short time has always amazed me. Plus, we attach the meaning of dirt and old to spider webs and no matter how old or dirty something gets, it still can be of great value. What makes breast cancer different than other forms of cancer, for both men and women? There is too much awareness. It is ridiculous. We have all this ‘pinkwashing’ and parties and walks and everything for one form of cancer. It is insane and unnecessary. It’s not even the number one cancer affecting our species!! I dislike the ALS bucket challenge as a whole, for wasting clean non-renewable water (its not ‘renewable’ anymore) but finally another organization is getting attention and this is what needs to happen. Prostate cancer is just as much of a killer for men as breast cancer is for women. According to the American Cancer Society, lung cancer is actually the number one cancer killer and second most common cancer in the United States. The only thing that makes breast cancer different from other forms of cancer is the fact that it has been so highly commercialized with so called “awareness,” but without the awareness of how sensitive hormones are in the body to specific chemicals and carcinogens. I truly believe at least 60% of cancer is preventable if the correct actions were taken and the correct education was out there at large, rather than hiding in places hard to find. People will do all these walks but they won’t do lifestyle changes to prevent it or attack the companies causing it. We don’t need awareness, pinkwashing, walks and parties and Pinktober. We need action, we need lobbying, we need to fund the smaller, unknown scientific studies that are actually trying to find an actual cure, and we need politics and people leading marches against the FDA and Monsanto. We need to fund a better education for our children, I truly believe that education is being watered down to give more power to the dirty corporations (notice who is running our education standards nowadays?) Even education has been turned into a business model and standards/ curriculum are being funding by giants like Monsanto, so that children will be educated that harmful chemicals and foods are good for them when they are not. Our food pyramid has been found to be wrong but is still being taught as it has been for the past 100 years. What would you like to say to the breast cancer industry at large? Unless you are willing to fund and disburse the correct information for cancer prevention and education, stop selling and perpetuating chemicals and foods that are known to cause cancer, then stop lining your pockets on the deaths of millions of women. That’s akin to murder. Why did you choose a total mastectomy without reconstruction? I didn’t really choose a bilateral mastectomy (total is not the correct word). I was told by my doctor that I needed it. He also said that if I wanted reconstruction, it would be a three-week wait to my surgery date or he could just do the mastectomies on the following Monday. Freaking out about cancer, I wanted them off ASAP! After surgery, I wanted to focus on healing and getting through chemo, while everyone else was hollering that I needed to get new breasts ASAP, which I never expressed my frustration at not having it so why they were was beyond me. I was pretty upset for a while about everyone being so rude and more worried about my breasts than about my health, it hurt, badly, probably why I hated myself for so long afterwards. Once I got through chemo, I started researching my options since I did not like the in-bra accessories, they were painful and uncomfortable, and I could only wear them for an hour before wanting to cry in pain. In doing my research, I discovered that more than half of women who get them, end up having to deconstruct due to infections, which kill or nearly kill them. I said that correctly, many women have died from infections that turn into MRSA, one of my friends almost did, it is called C. difficile (notice it means difficult in French). I laughed at the absurd idea of dying from getting fake breasts rather than from cancer itself, though

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it is no laughing matter and my thoughts and prayers go to the families that have had to go through this. In addition, implants post-mastectomy meant countless surgeries and doctor visits on top of the risk of illness and death due to infection. It is not a simple cut, slip, and stitch like traditional implant surgeries. You need to get expanders, get them slowly filled to the size you want/can get, and it can be very painful. Most women actually deconstruct due to the pain. Therefore, it didn’t seem worth it to me. I just wish the in bra accessory was more comfortable and easier for me to wear. The nerve damage just doesn’t make that possible at this time. To add: In an informal rough poll in a fantastic group in Facebook called ‘Flat & Fabulous,’ it has been discovered that more women regret getting the implants rather than not. I could have reconstructed in other ways via tram flap or from belly/ hip fat but, again, the benefit didn’t seem to outweigh the risks though the latter would be the only option I would ever consider. Eating too much ice cream this summer, I just might do it. :) You work as an art teacher and tattoo artist, tell us about your training and love for art? I remember being in the third grade, and already at that point, I felt like things were a little gray, but not my art teacher or the projects we would do. Not only were our projects an easy way for me to communicate, but I always felt so happy there. Our teacher was also colorful and gestured (that impresses upon a deaf child who is cut off from 95% of the world) and I remember looking up at him one day and thinking he was awesome! I said to myself, “I want to be him.” I knew right then and there that I wanted train as an art teacher. I trained at RIT in Rochester, NY and got my B.F.A in Fine Arts. My major was painting. I love oils because there is no rush, I can take my time and blend well and do just about anything. Painting for me was creating a story and just letting go and bringing color and imagination into this world. Some of my biggest influences have been impressionist painters and surrealist painters such as Degas and Magritte. I found difficulty in securing appropriate job positions as an Art Teacher within the deaf schools for personal and health reasons, and decided to take a siesta and jump into tattooing. It was a very Zen thing for me to get into and I fell in love with it! Not only could I relax and get into a zone, I could create something that will stay with someone forever and also create a piece of art that could be healing for the recipient. I remembering making a ‘mom & dad’ tattoo for an older woman and she had tears in her eyes, she was so happy, it took a load of grief off of her that day. Another guy who was in his fifties got his first tattoo with me and it was a Native American dream catcher, he laughed and laughed and hugged me five times he loved it so much. Art brings healing and happiness. I can’t imagine this world without it. Where and how did the SCAR Project find you? The SCAR project found me through Jolene. She had found out about it and texted me before the first time she did the project and demanded that I do it with her. Unfortunately, my plans to go out to NYC at that time were not feasible due to needing childcare, no one to travel with (still was in treatment), no dog care and limited funds. Then a couple years later, I was finally able to do it with her when she was shot the second time. It was a blessing to do it with her and to become such a powerful inspiration to others through my photographs. I would not have had this experience if it wasn’t for Jolene. You have said that you don’t want to glamorize breast cancer, and that it’s a fine line between that and showing people living full, healthy lives as survivors. How do you think we can resolve that? Easy. Nobody thinks breast cancer is glamorous. No one wakes up one morning and says, I think after I pick up my Jimmy Choos, I will go have a double mastectomy. I think it should be more glamorized so that people don’t feel that bilateral mastectomies are so taboo, scary, or ugly. I also think it would encourage more women, especially young women to accept a double mastectomy, when otherwise, they may not and then end up dying from this terrible disease. We need to spread the message that women are still super sexy

without breasts, or with reconstruction, without nipples, etc rather than perpetuating the message the breasts are more important and spreading the image of over sexualized young girls with the focus on breasts. What we do need to spread is the message that women are more important. What is your main goal in letting people know about your health issues? I really don’t have a main goal for that. I don’t usually talk about my health issues. I don’t want it to be a focus in my life. I want to be Candice, I don’t want to be breast cancer, deaf, etc. I just want to be me and live a regular life that doesn’t focus on those things. How did being deaf and young affect your ability to get diagnosed? Being young did, I don’t know if being deaf did. There are many people out there that don’t have the exposure or education regarding deafness and more often than not, people think I am lower functioning or not very smart. As a result, I can be disregarded but in this case, it was more of an ageism issue. I was told it was impossible for me to have breast cancer in my 20’s and as a result delayed my treatment and allowed my cancer staging to increase. Anything else you’d like the readers of Volup2 to know? I am healthy now, other than some manageable side effects. My daughter and my puppies are happy that their mommy is ok. Stay positive, and when you can’t, that’s okay too. Embrace who you are no matter what happens and live, love, pray hard. Please donate to this great magazine Voulp2 that has made my story possible, and please take the time to go to www.thescarproject.org to check out other images, connect with David Jay, and support this wonderful project, or simply share this with someone that you know that may need this. This potentially has the possibility to affect a lot of lives in a positive way. I am hoping still to get photographed by Velvet too! So readers, stay tuned. : ) So dear Volup2 readers, please check out the SCAR Project. Get to know Candice and Jolene. And Paulina. Shay and Sylvia. Brigid too. They deserve our honest love. Images © David Jay/The SCAR Project, 2011 www.davidjayphotography.com The SCAR Project is a series of large-scale portraits of young breast cancer survivors shot by photographer David Jay. On the surface an awareness raising campaign for young women, The SCAR Project’s deeper message is one of humanity. Ultimately, The SCAR Project is not about breast cancer, but the human condition itself; the images transcend the disease, illuminating the scars that unite us all.

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Zandra Azariah 14 G o i n g O n I n f i n i t e Article by By Marie Southard Ospina

s we grow older, it becomes easy to belittle childhood and adolescence — to forget how big and real and horrid and beautiful the ages between 10 and 18 can truly be. To forget how passionate we were about our dreams and futures, whilst simultaneously feeling terrified about the possibility of not reaching them precisely as we’d imagined. As “adult” life seeps in — whatever “adult” actually means — we leave behind those kids… the kids we were… in exchange for whatever or whomever we think we have to be. But if 14-year-old Zandra Azariah Cunningham proves anything, it’s that 14 matters. It’s that our creativity and little sparks of madness should be validated and pursued, regardless of how many years we’ve spent on this messy, perplexing, inspiring planet. A browse through ZANDRA Beauty’s retail site will present you with natural products ranging from soaps to lip balms to body lotion, each paraben and sulfate free. Each designed in the aid of both “confidence and beauty.” (And side note: Each ranging from an affordable $8-14.) What’s so fascinating about the beauty industry is arguably that, at its core, it’s meant to inspire just that: Confidence and (ideally, inner through outwardly expressed) beauty. Through cosmetics, skin creams or body butters, we take care of our faces and forms as we see fit. We choose the personification of ourselves that we want to allow the world to see. One could argue, sure, that the beauty industry was built by and for the patriarchy, but women have taken it back. And Zandra is proof of concept. “Well, I have always been a real girly girl. I wanted to wear makeup and paint my nails for as long as I can remember,” Zandra tells me, recounting her early love for all things beauty. “Since I wasn’t allowed to wear lipstick, I fell in love with lip balm.” And isn’t it remarkable how a passion for lip moisturizing can change a life? Zandra remembers her father buying her a weekly balm — joking about how quickly she’d go through them, and eventually urging her to make her own. But unlike, what I assume, most of us would have done (my laziness oftentimes knows no bounds), Zandra actually did it. She made her own. Her research led her to the creation of the “perfect lip balm,” — one that her friends, church family and people of the World Wide Web would ultimately enjoy. She was just shy of her 10th birthday. When you consider just how daunting the idea of going to work or school is in the morning, you can reflect upon just

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how more daunting the idea of founding an entire business is. Yet, for Zandra, the path seemed almost intrinsic to her being — a guiding and inevitable force. From the creation of a lip balm came membership to a local kids business program. From there came product sales at the local farmers market (“I left the park that day with $82 and I knew that was what I wanted to do”), connection with the Indie Business Network and graduation from the University of Buffalo’s Center of Entrepreneurial Leadership Program (Buffalo being her hometown), all before age 14. “When I first started my business, it was called ‘Azariah’s Innocence,’ but through my training and as I learned more about the science of the bath and body world and business, I realized I needed to change my direction a bit,” Zandra recounts. “I wanted Zandra to be something great.” And it is. When you consider that this is the product of a young woman at the onset of adolescence — a time period when everything almost seems to be trying to bring you down, from impossible body image standards to high school (Zandra is a freshman at Buffalo’s Nardin Academy) to dating — and that she already has such a strong urge to change the way the media and beauty industries perceive beauty, you cannot help but be floored. In Zandra’s own words: “I really believe that if we, as girls, are confident enough, we can do anything. I think we hold ourselves back with excuses, fear and concern for what others might think.” Speaking of what others might think, it’s difficult to imagine Zandra’s position as a young entrepreneur. If we think back to my musings on the belittling of youth, questions about how (or if) the business world has embraced Zandra certainly surface. “I had to get used to being the only kid in the room,” she says. “I was always with professional, beautiful, and successful women, which meant I had to pretend to be the same.” But the thing is: She’s not pretending. The passion and energy and vitality Zandra puts into her work are the sorts that more adults should be trying to emulate. Perhaps the exact characteristics that would make adults remember the flare they, too, once had. “In the beginning, it was hard to get people to take me seriously, I guess they figured because I was young, I couldn’t be successful or my business was just a hobby,” Zandra adds. “I just think those that judged me or gave me resistance just weren’t ready to think big, dream big and grow big, so wondered why I would want to.” The why, however, has always been easy. Zandra wants to inspire and empower girls. She wants them to know that they can do anything. That they can be anyone, but that the best thing to be is ultimately oneself. “My hope is to inspire youth to take action and make things happen for themselves, their communities and beyond,” she notes. And I cannot help but think Zandra is akin to a Tavi Gevinson. She’s a young woman so enflamed by the desire to make life more bearable — more magic — for other young women. Young women who are far too often told they’re not good enough. But her interests extend far beyond her immediate surroundings. Zandra’s understanding for the greater picture — the world outside her own — is unprecedented. “I also want to bring awareness to the fact that there is a whole world of girls out there that don’t have the liberties we have. Girls my age are still being sold, forced to marry early and being denied an education. I want to be an ambassador for change.” In many ways, Zandra has reached a basic conclusion that should be engrained in the psyches of women (and men) from Day 1. “The truth is we are all imperfectly perfect, we must celebrate our differences and embrace our own beauty.” To find a Zandra — someone so self-aware and yet so globally in tune; someone who sees that the real flaw is in the way the mainstream perceives and portrays beauty as one singular and narrow image — adds hope to all those movements in action. Everything from the fight for true equality for women, to efforts in size acceptance or body positivity, to the battle for ultimate diversity in all aspects of fashion and beauty, and eventually, everything. And the thing that makes this story so much more wonderful? Zandra knows she can do big things. She knows that what she does matters. “I can see myself traveling the world to give empowerment speeches, and eating great food along the way.”

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Ana Laura’s First Henna Crown Photography by Katerina Shaverova; Henna by Tarquin Singh; Design by Sara Mush.

HENNA CROWNS How an ancient art becomes alive in the heads of Cancer/Alopecia Patients to help heal and inspire Article by Vimari J. Rodriguez Losing your hair can be devastating to the self-stem and well-being of any human being. Unfortunately cancer and alopecia patients know this first hand. These patients have gone to a great deal of pain and are in need of healing and inspiration. There is one organization that has taken this “healing” task in their hands and is doing a remarkable job at it. Henna Heals is the name of the Toronto based organization founded by photographer Frances Darwin. Since 2011 it has grown from a handful of volunteers to a 250 independent artists working for a common cause. Each one of the artists that provide services for Henna Heals must comply with their safety standards which emphasize in only using henna powder (derived from the henna plant leaves), lemon juice, water, sugar and lavender oil for their art crowns. Henna art has its origins Middle East and has been around for over 5,000 years. It was used as a way to decorate the bodies of brides, pregnant woman and to cover scars. They were also an alternative to permanent tattoos. Today this art is still alive and is exposed in the crown designs made by these talented artists. The crowns takes about 60-90 minutes to create and will last up to 2 weeks. If you are interested in learning more about the Henna Heals organization, henna crowns or if you want to find an artist to transform you into a work or art, simply visit their website at hennaheals.ca or you can also visit their Facebook page. Contributions and donations can be made via their webpage as well. Help is always needed to lift the spirits of hopes of these beautiful and special people.

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Jana’s Henna Crown Henna by Olivia Darwin Photography by Frances Darwin

Ana Laura’s First Henna Crown Henna by Tarquin Singh; Design by Sara Mush. Photography by Katerina Shaverova; D’s First Henna Crown Photography by Katerina Shaverova; Henna by Joanne Rumstein-Ellis; Design by

A’s First Henna Crown Photography by Katerina Shaverova; Henna by Noofa Hannan; Design by Dana Webb.

Sharon’s Henna Crown Henna by Tarquin Singh Photography by Frances Darwin

J’s First Henna Crown Photography by Katerina Shaverova; Henna by Kyla Austin; Design by Biljana Kroll.

Daniel’s Henna Crown Henna and Photography by Olivia Darwin

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BURLESQUE From the Cadbury Queen to Vintage Glamour Puss and Follies Star, this edition’s burlesque section will be dedicated to prominent Black burlesque artists and models. Alotta Boutté, Ashleeta and Violet Blaze are three iconic performers and they are really inspiring for me as they embrace their unique style and feminity, which is what burlesque is about, showing uniqueness and creativity. Ar ticle by Lou Lou Champagne • A shleeta’s photos by Mara Rouse • Violet Blaze photos by Stewar t Williams • Alot ta Bout te photos by Sarah Deragon

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Alotta Boutte Paris, City of Lights, is shining with a new star, Alotta Boutte ! Coming from the US, she is mezmerising the audience in the Mugler Follies Show. Could you tell me about yourself? How did you come to burlesque? Do you feel empowered by burlesque? I am Alotta Boutté. I have been performing in burlesque as such for 11 year. I started in 2004 with the troupe Harlem Shake Burlesque, an all African-American troupe. I came to burlesque as a way of combatting issues and hate I had internalized about my body. I dove into the deep end of pool by participating in an amateur strip night at a queer event in San Francisco. The is how I met Simone de la Getto and joined Harlem Shake Burlesque. Burlesque allows me to perform in any way I want. It allows me to grow and develop as a performer and artist. It’s where I can push boundaries, including my own. It’s given me a platform to hone my craft and bring what I’ve learned to other areas of performance. So yes, I guess I can say that I feel empowered by it. Could you tell me about moving to Paris and Mugler Follies? I moved to Paris to be in Mugler Follies. It was 3 years in the making for me. I was so thrilled when it finally happened. This show has given me an opportunity to work with some incredibly talented and renown artists. I grew up with stories of Josephine Baker, Eartha Kitt, and other African American performers who came over here and found a better reception to what they were performing and creating. There was a TV special on in ‘85, Motown Returns to the Apollo. Such an incredible special filled with powerhouse legends. There was a segment that was narrated by Debbie Allen about women of the Harlem Renaissance. In this segment some of my favorite stars introduced me to a whole other sphere of performers and heritage. Towards the end, Vanessa Williams, replete in a rhinestone body suit, feathered headdress with matching feather at the waist, sang a beautiful upbeat rendition of La Vie En Rose as a tribute to Josephine. 30 years later, I’m in Paris doing and wearing almost exactly that! I was excited to see more of the world, to live in it. Sometimes I look at this city I only ever saw in movies and expect the movie flats to fall over. It’s surreal to be living here. What are your sources of inspirations as a burlesque performer? Movie musical, Jazz legends, Tap dancers, Alvin Alley dance troupe, and so many other avenues of performance and music. I’m also very fortunate to have friends who are outstanding performers. If I were to list them all it would be too many. I try to pull inspiration from anything that makes me heart race, that takes me on an emotional journey, that makes my breath stop, that makes my jaw drop. Have you experienced any body and/or race-related issues in burlesque? I have. Though things have improved in the San Francisco area and in the scene at large, I was definitely a token for a time. Harlem Shake Burlesque was the first African American troupe, and were often the only ones in a show. After the troupe disbanded and I continued to perform, I would find that I was either one of a few, or the only African American, definitely the only performer of size in most shows. There are many a backhanded compliment around my size from audience members that demonstrate the awful ideas around a fat body. There are many people surprised by how I move. There are many people surprised at what I perform because of my skin color. I figure if I can continue to change people perceptions and assumptions by just being me and doing what I do, then I will keep doing it and getting better at it. https://www.facebook.com/alottaboutte?fref=ts

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Ashleeta If you like vintage, you have surely admired her beautiful features, her impeccable and classy taste for clothing and her incredible luck for vintage hunting…I am thrilled to present to you Ashleeta, the glamourous pin-up ! Could you please introduce yourself? Hello! Im Ashleeta I am an pinup model and classic burlesque dancer! Im from Los Angeles California! I love to go to flea markets in my spare time and hunt for vintage pieces for future burlesque costumes! Tell me about what burlesque is for you… Burlesque is about expressing myself, challenging myself, it makes me feel fulfilled and accomplished. It’s definitely a creative outlet for me, it’s almost therapeutic. I think it’s also a very accepting and loving community which is important to me. How did you come to burlesque? I got into burlesque through the Rocky Horror Picture Show crowd! I had a friend and fellow burlesque dancer, Shy La La who did the “Trixy” act at the beginning of the movie! She really inspired me and encouraged me to try it myself. She got me my first audition at Triptease burlesque and then eventually I joined her burlesque/variety troop the Brazen Booties!!!! Please tell me about your relation to vintage style I grew up watching Old Hollywood movies with my Grandmother and Mom. I remember thinking how glamorous and beautiful all of the people looked, people of all sizes and shapes, the clothing and style just suited everyone. I wanted to feel and look glamorous too, but I was worried about getting made fun of at school, so I saved all my internal glamour for formal dances and prom! Eventually once I was out of school I started fully embracing the style and have been a glamour-puss ever since! How did you start modelling? I started modeling when my photographer friend Brittany Oliphant asked to shoot me for her portfolio! I pulled together as many fabulous outfits as I could and tried it out! I started shooting more frequently and eventually, Micheline from Pinup Girl Clothing asked me to model for their company and it took off from there! Who are your inspirations? Pearl Noire, Dita Von Teese, Janelle Monae, Angelique Noire, Eartha Kitt...and recently Max Malanapy from Drag Race! They’re all such stylish and talented and very very kind people. Is it difficult to be a Black pin-up model (challenges and representation of beauty)? I definitely think there is some struggle there. I hear a lot of times that Pinups of Color are so rare but that’s not exactly true. There were plenty of pinups of color back in the day and just because they weren’t validated or recognize does not mean that they did not exist. Today there are a lot of amazing people in the community who are working very hard to make sure we are seen and heard. Angelique Noire , Candace who produces Black Pinups Magazine, Nichelle Gainer who published the book Vintage Black Glamour and the book Chocolate Cheesecake by Earnest L Cox which I am very lucky to be featured in coming out in April Any secret tips for vintage clothing and beauty tips? When searching for vintage clothing always remember to bring measuring tape and know your measurements! http://ashleeta.tumblr.com/ https://instagram.com/ashleeta http://vintageblackglamourbook.com/

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You are giving confidence workshop: why? how? I really enjoy teaching confidence workshops. Too many of us women feel put down by society and I want to make everyone realize they need to love themselves no matter what their size or shape is. I’ve helped many tap into their inner glamour puss with something as easy as a smile. I feel so proud when I see some of them posting more pics of themselves much happier and knowing that I was a part of that journey makes me very happy. Have you experienced any body and/or race-related issues in burlesque? Personally I haven’t had any problems with my size or color in burlesque (at least not to my face). I think if you own what you have and use it to your advantage, people respect you more and hopefully will love you just s much as you love yourself!

Violet Blaze She is UNSTOPPABLE : Violet Blaze, the Queen of UK burlesque and Cadbury’s best embodiement answers my question on burlesque and body confidence. As a plus-size artist, she is proud of her curves and shows off in glamourous and glizty acts. Watach this girl…on stage and also on her new TV Youtube TV channel. You will be mezmerised ! Could you tell me about yourself? How did you come to burlesque? Do you feel empowered by burlesque? I’m Violet Blaze, Burlesque performer from Brighton, UK . I absolutely LOVE what I do! I’m all shimmying, all shaking, tits and glitz, and I couldn’t be happier shaking my bits! I went to a burlesque course a few years ago and was absolutely hooked. I have always loved the stage but not being able to afford to go to stage school meant that I believed my dream of being a showgirl wasn’t going to happen. Once Idiscovered burlesque I was so pleased I’d finally found something I could do to fulfill my love for performance, but I could do it on MY terms, and MY rules! Not only do I feel empowered by burlesque, I feel a whole lot more confident when I am strutting my stuff up there!

Curvy and sexy, is that the way you feel about yourself? Has your relationship to your body changed with burlesque? My relationship with my body has changed in the sense that I’m less and less hung up on little things like cellulite, flab, stretchmark’s etc.. I just don’t care. I feel so happy when I’m on stage and I can’t help but smile, and the more I smile the more the audience enjoys me.. so it’s all good! You won several titles and you truly are a queen of burlesque...tell me about it ! I have taken part in a few competitions, one in America which was AMAZING... I came 2nd to the incredible Medianoche .. which to me was an absolute honor... I was the runner up for Best British Newcomer at the World Burlelsque Games in 2013, and won Burlesque Idol UK in 2012. It feels amazing when you win a competition and yes of course having a title is fabulous.. but I don’t compete anymore simply because I just really enjoy performing more than going through the sheer nervousness of competing!! It’s scary.. you feel amazing afterwards but I’m happy with what I’ve achieved.. I just wanna enjoy myself now! http://www.violetblaze.co.uk/ ht t p s: //w w w.you t u b e.co m /c ha n n e l / U Cw w Kq L k S bJnF6S4ZiHHg1pw

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Photograph by Lily Cummings

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women who rock

Article by Meredith Daughert

Cassia DeMayo W

ith the impending release of her debut album Heart, We Will Forget Him, I sat down to speak with jazz vocalist and model for VOLUP2 magazine, Cassia DeMayo. Living and working in Denmark, Cassia follows in the footsteps of icons like Billie Holiday as part of the next generation of strong, female standard bearers for Jazz. She and I had the opportunity to speak at length about her passion for music, the challenges she’s faced in creating her image as an artist and where she plans to go from here.

So you’re an American jazz artist living in Denmark. Tell me, why Denmark? Well, I fell in love with a Dane, and have always seen myself living abroad somewhere in Europe. I came to visit in the summer of 2011, and really enjoyed performing at all the jazz festivals and venues here. People set aside budgets for events, parties and festivals so you can make a living at it, which is nice! Why Jazz? Where does your love of Jazz come from? Jazz to me is about “how can I express myself the best through the stories I’m singing about”? There’s a literary beauty to the lyrics and melodies, and so much room for improvisation, which keeps it interesting and creative. My parents listened to jazz and I became really intrigued by the sound of the jazz singers voices. They have really great voices; very warm voices, sexy voices, and they tell stories in a different way than in the other genres. I started voice lessons at 11 years old, mostly classical voice. My teacher would throw in some jazz standards and musical theatre as well, but primarily Italian arias. I went into my bachelors as a classical vocal major, and wasn’t really feeling it. I couldn’t express myself through it anymore. I really started to hear that my voice suited jazz and that I could express myself through it. So I transferred to Cornish College of the Arts in Seattle, WA, and completed my Bachelors in jazz voice. So it’s a big community, but an intimate community? I’ve found that it’s like the plus size industry. It’s a very small world, but I think that’s how a lot of the artistic communities are. Everyone knows someone you know. How does your Danish audience respond to jazz? Do you find that people are really interested in your music? My first few performances I felt like people were not so interested. But then, on the breaks or after shows, they have such nice things to say. It’s taken me sometime to relearn what to expect from an audience as I had gotten used to American audiences who tend to give a bit more confirmation that they’re digging it, through body language or eye contact. It’s just a different culture and it takes time to get used to the differences. Denmark and Scandinavia have a huge love for jazz music. There are many jazz festivals, and venues, and jazz artists here who keep it alive and well, so that’s great! Jazz scenes tend to be a bit cliquey no matter where you are, so I’ve been a bit of a fish out of water, but hoping to break more into the scene with the release of this album and introduce myself with a bit more focus. I noticed on your website that you’ve performed at a lot of Jazz festivals, is there any specific thought process that goes into choosing your venues? Well the last few years, I’ve just been applying to all the jazz festivals around Denmark, and it can be a bit competitive but I have performed at a few and every year I seem to get a new one who is interested. Music festivals are great because they’re usually in the summer and you get to meet a lot of people and perform for a broader audience. This is your first album. What was the inspiration for choosing some of the songs that you did? The title of the album is Heart, We Will Forget Him, which is the title to an Emily Dickinson poem that was turned into song by composer Aaron Copeland. Each song has somewhat of a recurring sentiment, some more subtle than others. I wanted the songs to compliment one another, yet have contradicting themes. The dark side of love hovers over the sweet and vice versa. One of the originals I have on the album, “My Party” which is a song ultimately about heartbreak within the setting of a party. It’s inspired by that overwhelming feeling of being somewhere physically but mentally you’re not there at all and yet you go through the motions to maintain your image to others. The songs I choose and write have to evoke something within the audience and myself so that we can walk away feeling something, which is the ultimate goal for most artists I think.

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Do you enjoy that part of the process? Creating your own renditions and arrangements? That’s why I appreciate jazz music, the improvisational and emotional side of it. The jazz standards are chords and melody, sometimes with or without lyrics; with such small changes within the harmony, the feel, the key, lyrics etc. you can totally bring out another side to a song and it can transform into a whole new story. How about writing? Do you like writing your own music? It’s strange to hear the songs you write, because you were in such a different place when it came out of you and sometimes you can’t relate to yourself. But I do enjoy the process. It’s a very unorganized process, something has to inspire or evoke something within so it’s never when you expect it to be. I hope to have a whole album that’s all my own originals soon. When it’s your own song you’re completely free to make musical decisions, which is cool.

how can I express myself the best through the stories I’m singing about”? Would you consider singing or writing in Danish? Yeah I’ve thought about it! It could be fun. Although, many Danes sing and write in English but it could be cool to do one day. Photograph by Anne Lysa

For our readers that don’t know your sound, can you describe a bit of what it’s all about? It’s film noir meets Patsy Cline without the southern accent and rodeos, but loves big bands and Cinderella yet hates the open water and balloons, but is in awe of Ella Fitzgerald, but really just wants to be a punk rocker and sing a duet with Thom Yorke that’s played in the background of a Twin Peaks episode while Johnny Depp slowly drinks a whiskey with his cigarette, right before he turns to the camera and say’s “I fuckin’ love this song!” You’ve modeled for VOLUP2 before. How do you think professional modeling impacts your image as an artist? Do you use that experience when you’re performing? I’ve been singing long before I started modeling, but in a way they’re very separate careers and in another they have influenced one another. When it comes to image, modeling has been helpful for my stage presence, as I’m more aware of my body language, and posture. There’s always that pressure as a performer to look a certain way. It’s been a bit challenging to shed that, but modeling has helped a bit with confidence issues regarding my looks. I’m definitely getting to a place where I’m more comfortable in my own skin. In the USA, the American media is consumed with artist image. Do you find that your Danish audience puts as much emphasis on your image as a plus size model and singer or do you feel the focus is on your talent rather than size? Fortunately jazz audiences and jazz artists tend to focus on talent vs. image. That’s not to say the jazz world is free

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Photograph by Anne Lysa

from such prejudices concerning looks, but I think it’s definitely less than within the mainstream music industry. I haven’t experienced any issues with American or Danish audiences regarding my looks or size, and I’m thankful for that. So with two successful careers going strong, how do you define success? Well I’ve managed to choose two very challenging and not always lucrative careers. But the processis what is part of the growth as an artist and this never ends with music. It’s a lifelong exploration. I get impatient with the process at times because it goes at it’s own speed, but real art takes time and experiences to enrich it, so I’m just hanging on. Success to me right now is releasing my debut album and getting to share it with you!

Now for a just a little about you. When you aren’t modeling, or doing music, what else do you like to do? I love traveling. It’s really great being so close to other countries. I study the Danish language, I watch movies, go see live music, love to hang out with animals and my friends of course. Who are some of your musical heroes? Oh that’s a difficult but easy question in no specific order: Sarah Vaughn, Björk, Kurt Cobain, Radiohead, Sinead O’ Connor, Annie Lennox, Jeff Buckley, Gretchen Parlato, Diana Krall, Billie Holiday, Dena Derose, Becca Duran, David Byrne, David Bowie, my dad, Susana Baca, Ella Fitzgerald, Celia Cruz, Chet Baker, Anita O’Day, Madonna, Cassia Eller, Elis Regina, Maria Rita, Astrud Gilberto, Mel Torme, Brad Mehldau, Chris Connor, June Christy, Bill Evans, Louis Armstrong, Charles Mingus, Frank Sinatra and so many many more. If you could sing with any jazz singer present or past, who would it be? I don’t really like duets actually because I sometimes feel they can easily become very cheesy, but if I could perform with any jazz singer, it would of course have to be with Frank Sinatra, because nothing he touches is cheesy, or Tony Bennett. He sounds great. That’s the good thing about jazz singers they sound great well into old age. There are so many good singers and musicians it’s insane! What is your idea of a perfect day? Hearing my music in a great scene, in a great film, by a great director, whilst I drink an iced café Americano, in a sunny place. That’s not too much to ask for, and it’s sort of realistic. I was going to say drinking a cold beer in a hot tub with Johnny Depp, overlooking the French Riviera, so… Do you ever think of coming back to the States to perform? Yes, definitely. I want to go back to LA where I’m from and perform there, and hopefully do a US tour. That would be ideal! Lastly, how can we find your album? It will be available to purchase on my website and iTunes. It will also be available to stream on Spotify. Just check out my Facebook music page for all the links and info.

Photograph by Michelle George

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Path of the White Deer offers rare and beautiful herbal medicines & scented botanical flower waters handcrafted in Oregon with the finest quality natural and wild-gathered ingredients. Each unique formula in the shop has been carefully developed by natural therapist, Sarah Paxton (Ayale Deer), to carry you on a journey of deep self-discovery and soul level healing.

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DESIGNER

GIOVANNI LO PRESTI

IN HIS OWN WORDS

What inspired you to become a designer? I was attracted by the fabrics and the sequins and feathers of my parents ballroom dancing costumes when i was a kid. How has your italian roots colored your designs? Well i guess you can understand that my collections are for curvies and voluptous womenö “la donna italiana” is one of my main inspirations: Nice hips - glamorous lips and generous shapesö Italy and especially sicily means a lot to meö my homeland is full of colours, perfumes, history and mysteriesö its just heaven on earth. How does being italian and growing up in switzerland effect your design and work ethic? Im very attached to my roots, so its important for me to use the fabrics of my homeland in my collections. All the fabrcis, trimming and materials come from sicily or italy at leastö you can taste a little bit of italy in every clothe i sew. If you could design for any fashion house which would it be and why? I would have loved to work for dolce & gabbanaöi guess its the italian - sicilian vision ! I was also very attracted by the impressive work of valentino when i was youngö he was a great model to follow to me. Which designers are you most inspired by? I am inspired by phlippe plein, roberto cavalli , jean paul gaultier, oscar dela renta, fani xenophontos. But im also a huge jeremy scott follower ! You incorperated alot of music in your runway show how important is music to your design process and the runway show itself? Since i was a young i always have been in the dance and music field trought my different passionsö in fact i used to be a ballroom dancer competitor for many yearsö the show is part of my runways... Its importantö i ‘m an entertainer !Ö also music is my main inspiration when i design a new collectionö i cant work without music. You spoke of how important family is after you had presented your show and you chose to showcase your designs at your former schoool, we get a strong sense of the importance of fideleity and family when watching your show, can you speak a bit about that? Lovely question, and im glad you catched it and you sensed itöim a very faithful person when it comes to workö i always remember who landed me a hand in the past and who trusted meö which also mean that i do remember who threw me stones in the pastö it was for me a very significative place to start this 10th anniversary tourö because today i can finally express myself in a complete way, beeing proud of who i became and what i acomplished in those past 10’ yearsö showing everyone that i beleived in my dreams and i am living it

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Photograph by agvision.ch

i cant work without music” What is the most important aspect of a model for you? A model needs to be able to understand the fantasy world of the designerö the story behind the piece he / she is wearingö only then the model can give the best attitude.I would say then that attitude is one of the most important aspect to me. If a model would be interested in modeling for you how would they go about contacting you? I am a very down to heart person, of course i have many people around me helping me with social networks - mails - interviews - agenda and so on. But i am taking my job very seriously, i always answer to everyone on facebook or all the social networksö even if it takes timeö its a pleasure for me to communicate. So just drop me a line on any kind of social network or by mail @ info@giofashion.Com and will surely come back to you! What are your thoughts on current fashion afforded to plus size women? My friends around me who wears plus size always complains about the pricy part of itö its right, most of the time plus sizes are more expensiveö it is of course a matter of fabric because we need to use more to produceö but i really think its also a matter of exclusivityö its still a small market and brands use and abuse when we talk about prices because they know we will not find anywhere else the same kind of clothesö fashion is for everyoneö and this is how i entend to work now and forever.

You decieded to start a plus size range, what inspired that decision and do you design differently when it comes to straight sizes versus plus sizes? I actually design for plus sizes since 2 years for my customersö i had this idea in my head since many years and i wanted it so badly! Showing how curves and shapes can be sexy and seductive even more than regular sizesö im not ashamed to say im a plus size tooö so i was very happy to do it and to give the oportunity to 6 wonderful plus size women from 19 to 50 years old! To live such an experience ! You named your plus size range ‘red velvet’, what was behind that choice? Red velvet is my favourite cake ö. Its the first thing i do when i land in new york, a piece of red velvet and a cherry coke ;-) I wanted also to give a tasty sence to the collection !Ö and alsoö red velvet for velvet d’amourö you are such an inspiration to me! I really enjoyed that you chose models of different sizes and ages for your plus line, how do you go about your process of choosing models? I wanted the crowd to feel the proximity with the modelsö to feel how special everyone is and how limits and boundaries can be crossed with the right positive attitude

I noticed you create menwear in your straight size line, will you be creating a men’s range for plus sizes as well? Actually, the menwear collection started in 2011 withö guess whatö plus sizesö plus sizes guys and also many sportsman such as hockey player or basket ball player where complaining about the underwear that most of the time where not confortableö so i decided to create the first on measurment menwear collectionö they choose the style, then the fabric, then we take the measurment and voila !!! They have their own style and confort ! I would love to have them doing the runway for me next timeö but they where a bit shy this timeö eheh How do you plan to market yr plus line? Where should our readers look to keep up to date on your clothes? Just stay tuned on social networks and my official website www.Giofashion.Com everything will come on time im working hard on it ! I promise What are your top 3 favorite charities? Well first of all fashion 4 development, because i think that beeing followed by many people for any type of recognition should lead us to charityö we have the little power to make little changes that can lead to big happening ö so i am always there to land a hand to whoever needs help. Fashion 4 development was a revelation to me and i really decided to help through fashion to sustain the economy development in countries that needs that help ö which im already doing with cyprus and bosnia herzegovina and also nepal. Im also a huge respectfull follower of the green carpet project of livia firth and the millenium project of tommy hilfiger Is there anything else you would like to share with our readers? Dear all, i have been doin this job since now 10 wonderfull years.. I am not gonna lie and say that everything was easy in this life. But if you never give up to something you carry in your heartö there is nothing in this world that can stop you. Remember, i am just a 32 years old boy who wanted so badly to do fashion, to breathe fashion, to live fashion ö i am just like you and guess whatö i’ll just do what i decided to be. My name is giovanni lo presti, i am a fashion designerö pour vous servir !

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women who rock

Article by Meredith Daughert â€˘ Photography by Amol Art

Joanna Connor

female pioneer and powerhouse of Blues music I recently had the privilege to interview Blue’s artist Joanna Connor about her extensive, not to mention impressive musical career. With a gig booked every weekend in her home base of Chicago, Illinois, Joanna spoke with me about what she’s learned from her time in the industry and why it pays to outplay the boys. Where does this love of blues come from? Was it something your parents encouraged or something you encountered on your own? My mom was actually a really big music fan. She grew up playing the piano and she loved jazz, blues, rock, reggae, show tunes, classical… I heard everything growing up. I love all music. Good music is good music but the blues caught my heart. A lot of the Rock n’ Roll that I love like Hendrix and Zeppelin, Cream and The Stones, they all, even The Beatles, came from being students of the blues. When I got older I said I really want to deepen my knowledge of the blues and I came to Chicago on a trip to visit the city and I loved it. I thought, well I want to go where the blues are made, become a student and put that into my soul, really try to be a great musician and to expand it as much as I could. That was my plan and it worked out pretty well. That takes a lot of courage to just move to a big city like Chicago and break out on your own. Did you go to clubs or bars and try to find someone willing to work with you or were your efforts more self-motivated? When I went to Chicago I went out every night just watching and learning, going to jams, going to all the famous clubs, but my goal was to become a guitarist so I really went on the search for a great player and hopefully to get in a band so that I could be mentored. And I did. I found a guy named Dion Payton and he had a house band at the Checkerboard Lounge on the south side of Chicago. He was the weekend band and I used to really bother him and follow him because I loved the way he played and eventually he hired me as his guitarist so it kind of worked. I look back now and I think I had so much courage! Whatever I wanted I pictured it in my mind, felt it in my heart and I just went for it. Nothing stopped me. Looking back I think if that were my daughter I’d be having a heart attack. Did you encounter specific issues being a woman trying to break into the blues? Are there instances that stick out in your mind that might have discouraged you or disheartened you about the nature of the business? Yeah the music business in general, really all business is hard for women. Men dominate so much of business but in particular the music industry and although there are a lot of women artists the people that own the clubs, the people that have the agencies, the people that own the record companies, a lot of them are men, like 90ish percent. Musician wise too, it’s mostly men. There are a lot of women singers but not as many as the men in particular 30 years ago. So yeah it was kind of a big lesson but for everything positive I got there was a lot of negative from other musicians or industry people. To this day you can be a 300 or 400 lb balding guy and it’s cool but as a woman you’re held to another standard even in the blues world. You know at that time I was a really tiny girl but I was young and I was from Massachusetts in Chicago so you can imagine there was a lot going on. You have to be very determined and have a very thick skin because people would say, “oh what are you doing here you’re not that good” but there was also positive. It wasn’t all bad but it wasn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination. Has there always been pressure on your image as a female artist? Was there a point where you put it to the way side and decided it wasn’t worth dwelling on to the point where it impacted your music? I’ll tell you it was after I had my first child. I was 24 or 25 and my metabolism shifted and BOOM! I was a big woman. I was always a tiny person so it was a big shift in my consciousness in a sense, but the blessing of what I love is that when I play my music,

when I’m actually in the act of doing it, I’m so not there. I’m so into what I’m doing that all of that doesn’t really matter to me. Once I went further down the road and I was still kind of a bigger woman I had major labels tell me, “Oh we don’t mind your image” but it really was a problem. Especially with TV which had made everything so image oriented and I got a lot of criticism for that. Even when I lost weight when I was older I was never the perfect body type, or my nose was too large. Women are always under a microscope. I think that as I got older it became less and less important to me. I realized that our time on earth is not that long and the content of someone’s heart and their soul is the most important thing. I tell women to pursue what you love and to do it with confidence and strength. After awhile the package doesn’t matter, it’s the heart that shows through. But you have to be strong because you’re going to come under pressure from the industry and the media. It’s even happening now with me because I have a video going viral. It’s great because people have spoken, and there are some negative comments, but for the most part it’s been overwhelmingly wonderful. There are still people that say, “well her image” or, “well her age” and I’m over it. I’m in my fifties now and I don’t care. Hey you don’t like it, then move on. I’ve made it this long as a musician and it doesn’t bother me. (Head to the following link to watch the much debated video for yourself: https:// www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWter1w4vWE) You have audiences everywhere: Asia, Europe, South America. Do you find that audiences are different? Do you get different responses about your image based on where you’re performing? Yes and no I think. I did a lot of international travel in the 90s. I went to Asia and there I was not only a big person but a tall person. I felt like a basketball player and I definitely stood out. It was the first time I felt like a minority which was a different experience in and of itself, to be in a country where you’re completely different from everyone. I think that from culture to culture there’s a bias against women in different ways but I still think that music is such an international language that it transcends what’s going on. I’m not going to down play it, there are women that are quote- unquote “hotter” and they’re actually doing great; better in a sense. They get better shows, better exposure but once again I think it goes back to the people who control the industry not the people out in the audience. I’ve done huge shows. I’ve opened up for ZZ Top and Joe Cocker in Europe and played for hundreds of thousands of people and we get a HUGE response. That’s kind of why this video is crazy because you see comments like “don’t judge a book by its cover” or “I can’t believe she nailed it” and that’s

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what’s freaking people out. Here is this lady that looks like someone’s mom, a bigger older lady doing what I do and that’s why America’s Got Talent called because they’re like, “oh we love how you look, it’s very soccer mom” and I’m like well I’m a basketball mom really but it has opened people’s eyes. But it is going to be a long, long way until people go beyond that. Do you have a favorite place that you’ve performed or a most memorable performance moment? Oh boy there’s been a lot. One recent one was about five years ago I opened up for B.B. King which was great in and of itself, but then he called me up to the stage and said, “I want you all to give her a big round of applause because she’s a great blues guitarist”. I was like WOW. That was awesome.

Some people are natural writers but it’s kind of a struggle for me.” Do you prefer touring or staying in Chicago and keeping in touch with that scene? I’m really lucky that I have one of the best gigs in town. It’s called Kingston Mines and it’s been there almost 50 years. People from all over the world come there and it’s almost always crowded so it’s kind of nice that the world comes to me now. I really, really wanted to travel when I was younger. I wanted to see the world and I got to go to almost 30 countries and I’ve been to every state in America but Alaska so I did fulfill that part of my dream. I think if I’d always stayed in Chicago I would have had that itch like, “I got to get out of here” but I did that. I started off playing gigs in Chicago, then for 17 years I was traveling and now I’m back here playing again steadily for the last 7 years right here in town. There is good and bad. I’m really happy I’m here because of my daughter. She has one more year of school so that’s been a big part of my life, going on her journey, but now that we know where she will be going off to school I don’t know. I’ll probably hit the road a little again.

Your performance schedule has you booked every weekend. Do you ever get tired or does performing give you that type of catharsis you need as a musician to keep going and keep yourself inspired? Both. Yeah, I’m tired a lot, but I guess on the stage, I like being up there because that’s when you transform and the catharsis happens and the magic happens. The hours are crazy and performing so much is tiring. I’ll probably eventually cut back but I would always want to be playing. You’ve written lot of original music. Is that something you continue to pursue or are you more into performing the greats? I used to write a lot because I was on labels. I think I’ve written some good music and I think there’s still some music to come out but I’m not a prolific writer. I’m more of a musician so I feel like if there’s a great song and I can do it justice then that is just as satisfying as doing my own music. Some people are natural writers but it’s kind of a struggle for me. Would you prefer to be singing or playing the guitar? I really prefer the instrumental side. Although I do enjoy singing that’s how I started. I was a singer before I was a player. But I think because I do work so much it’s much harder on your voice that your fingers. So that’s a factor to. But I do enjoy the playing better. Do you plan on releasing any albums anytime soon? We have a few things in the works. There’s a film role coming up in the fall and that’s going to be nice. We are in negotiation with a label right now to do a record but whether that goes through or not definitely within a year we are going to make a new studio album with original music. By 2016 we’ll have something out. Lastly, do you have any general advice for women musicians, or women trying to break into the blue’s scene? I would give women musicians of all genres the advice to be the best musician you can be. Men have set the standard in so many ways for being a musician. You should hang with the boys and try to outplay them. Become proficient at what you do. Never settle for, “you’re great for a girl” because I don’t know what that means. Have courage, be strong and be ready for a lot of different opinions. You’re going to be pulled in a million different directions so stay strong for yourself and have courage. Perseverance I think is the key. You have to stick with your goal. You’ve got to push through it! And that’s for anyone with any goal but particularly for women. I would like to tell all women to own who you are, let who you are shine through and have confidence. Don’t worry about what the world says about you. Be yourself and that will draw people to you. For information about the Joanna Connor Band including performance schedules and what’s next for her, visit her website: http://www.joannaconnorband.com/ All of Joanna’s albums are available for purchase on iTunes.

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www.onoz.fr

PARIS - NEW YORK

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