Babies! 2018

Babies!

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Babies!

TO POST OR * NOT TO POST * lo cal p arents share their approach to b aby so cial me dia

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risten Bell, actress of Veronica Mars and The Good Place fame, has two children and one social media policy: no pictures of the kids online until they’re old enough to choose. The Midwest-born momma chose to refrain from sharing information about her children to protect them from paparazzi swarms and the consequences of being raised in a celebrity spotlight.

But considerations of how to handle raising babies in the social media age are becoming common among even non-famous parents. New parents are weighing the benefits of early social media exposure – connection with family, sharing emotional moments, creating an accessible timeline of precious memories – with other considerations – privacy and safety risks, consent, and allowing children to choose whether they want an online presence.

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When Matt and Briana married, social media to boast about the accomthey were on opposite ends of the plishments of their children; his mother, social media use spectrum. Matt who lives in Texas, still shares his and enjoyed posting on Facebook, while his sister’s accomplishments online.

Briana almost never shared informa“If I did have it my way, my tion about herself online. Over the Facebook wall would be flooded with years, they have tempered one anothpictures of Joseph,” Matt said. For er’s approach to using online social his far away family’s sake as much as tools, and when his own. But their son Joseph as much as he was born, they would like that, added him to their he admits that online presence.

Briana’s caution While locakeeps him from tion updates and overdoing it, or pictures of Joseph putting Joseph’s without clothes on safety at risk. are off-limits for Briana and social media sharMatt aren’t too ing, the Novaceks worried about have been practicwhether baby B ri a n a N ova c e k ing a balancing act pictures will with other sharing come back to opportunities. haunt Joseph “I’ve toned it later in life. With down because of her,” Matt said, then social media evolving at great speed, turning to Briana. “But you’ve also they expect that if their platforms of ramped it up because of me.” choice survive into his childhood, he and “It probably feels more permanent his peers will have moved on. They did to me than it is,” she said. “It feels like note, however, the comfort they take in once you post something, it’s there, and knowing the embarrassing photos from you can’t take it back.” Her strategy their childhood are hidden safely away is generally to wait before sharing a in physical albums, unlikely to be copied photo or story online. The urge to post or accessed through other platforms. goes away fairly quickly, she and Matt Joseph will not have that assurance. agree, but sometimes Matt convinces “For as much as there is to fear, you Briana to share an especially adorable have to take a level of trust,” Matt said. picture. She’s more at ease using apps He doesn’t want caution to outweigh the like Snapchat, which she can direct to benefits of being able to share Joseph’s certain people and which is more likely life with his friends and family from to disappear after transmission. other parts of the world. “You kind Matt attributes some of his enthusiof just have to take a trusting chance. asm for showing Joseph off online to his Trust your friends, trust your family. Do Latin American roots. His family uses it for your friends and family.”

“It feels like once you post something, it’s there, and you can’t take it back.”

Kenna Szymanski of Eau Claire says she and her husband might be “overly cautious,” in their choice to take the Baby Blackout route. Starting with her pregnancy with their first child, Franklin, the Szymanskis chose not to share information about their baby online.

“Social media is a super great thing,” Kenna said. “It makes life convenient, but at the same time it can make life a little too convenient.”

While she believes Eau Claire is a safe place, she would rather not risk pictures, names, ages, and even check-in location information being used in a way that threatens her son’s safety.

Both Kenna and Brian use social media for themselves, sharing funny Photoshops and the occasional wellness meme or dinner menu. “We want to post pictures (of Franklin) as much as the next parents,” Kenna said. And she enjoys watching her contemporaries’ children grow up on her timeline. But the Szymanskis choose to keep those intimate family moments to themselves, and try their best to live in the moment with Franklin.

Franklin’s extended family is mostly from the Eau Claire area, which makes it easier for Kenna and Brian to share his childhood with loved ones without 42

the use of social media. If a particularly special photo or moment comes up, Kenna jets a text (or even sends photos by snail mail!) directly to the intended recipients, who have all been informed of the Szymanski’s infant social media policy. The two also have “80,000” pictures of Franklin around the house for their own enjoyment. Kenna hopes that when he is old enough to recognize the difference, he will see as a sign that they love him and want to show him off as much as parents who do share about their children online.

Kenna and Brian haven’t decided yet when or how they will transition Franklin into an online presence, although the choice will be largely dependant on when they are confident he has learned basic safety habits, such as not talking to strangers, situational awareness, and checking in with his parents. In the meantime, they don’t stress the small stuff; if a family member doesn’t know the policy and posts a picture of Franklin at a wedding, they let it lie.

“I think, personally, parenting is about what works best for you as a family. Everybody’s needs are different, and we should try to support each other in our choices.”

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Babies!

* GET EDUCATED * Classes to prep are, emp ower, and conne ct p arents-to-b e

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marathon race, a sports competition, a driver’s license, a new job – what do these things all have in common? They are all things that we take time to prepare, practice, and train for. We research, read, and learn as much as we can to get ready to succeed at these events.

How about the life event of having a baby? Have you thought to train, practice, and prepare for this amazing experience? Heidi Murkoff, author of What to Expect When You're Expecting (Workman Publishing), shares, "It's just that they call it 'childbirth preparation' for a reason: it helps prepare you. It takes the mystery out of it. Information is empowering, and what you don't know can scare you more than it should."

It seems to be more common now that expecting women and their part-

ners look to the Internet, TV or books to learn what they think they need to know about labor and birth. But I can attest to the value of an in-person childbirth class experience! My husband and I took a private birth class before the birth of our oldest child, and now we’ve been teaching natural childbirth classes in our home for six years. More than 80 students have taken our classes, with some driving to us from as far away as Rice Lake and the La Crosse area! Our classes have filled up every single time.

We take 40 weeks or so to wait on baby’s arrival! Why not set aside some of those weeks to educate yourself on what to expect for labor and delivery? A birth class is especially important if you have any interest in going through labor naturally, without drug intervention. Some women may try to “wing it” and hope

that all goes smoothly. However, most women have never previously experienced the kind of pain that is a serious labor contraction. With no prior practice or pain coping mechanisms to try, a natural labor can be pretty horrendous for an untrained pregnant couple.

A key to laboring naturally is learning how to relax during each contraction’s wave of pain. Relaxing is often NOT instinctively what we do when pain hits us! Think of our Wisconsin winters: We bundle up in our coats, hats, gloves, and scarves, yet when we first step out into that freezing wind and blowing snow, our shoulders tense up, our backs hunch forward, and we wrap our arms around our middles. And with this tensing, we often feel pain. It’s not comfortable to remain outside in the cold, all tensed up and shivering.

The same concept applies to labor.

If during labor you are tensing your muscles, then labor may feel MORE painful. Rebecca Dekker, a nurse

Why is there value in taking a birth class?

Here are our top reasons to invest in your own birth education.

A good birth class …

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gives you focused weekly time to prepare for baby. is a time to get personal questions answered. helps you and your birth partner to communicate, working towards goals together. is interactive; you meet other students in a similar life phase. is engaging; class material is shared via activities and discussion versus lecturing. allows for time to practice labor positions, with a teacher to demonstrate and guide. teaches students how to make informed decisions about what’s best for their baby’s birth. shares labor and birth information in small, comprehensible “chunks” each week

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with a Ph.D. and founder of Evidence Based Birth, says this about relaxation during labor from her article “Relaxation for Pain Relief During Labor”: “Working on relaxing your body decreases what we call the fear-tension-pain cycle, where fear and tension feed into and make pain feel worse. Researchers think that relaxation for pain relief may work by interrupting the transmission of pain signals to the brain, helping you focus on something positive, so giving you a positive source of distraction, stimulating the release of endorphins (your body’s natural pain-relieving hormones), and reframing your thoughts to think of labor sensations as positive, productive, and manageable.”

We teach our birth students to think positively about the contraction pain, viewing it as making progress and bringing them closer to meeting baby!

Our classes train students weekly in relaxation techniques to use during

Babies!

CARING * COMMUNITY * La Le che Le ague supp or ts

bre ast fe e ding moms with comp assion

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he got ready to leave the house without the diaper bags, strollers, and bottles – for once. She said goodbye to her three-yearold and nine-month-old twins. She was feeling a little queasy and was looking forward to getting past the first trimester. Christine was so fiercely determined to make breastfeeding actually work with baby No. 4 that she was going to her first La Leche League meeting when she was just 10 weeks along.

“I’m going to this meeting. Probably just this once. I’ll talk, and then they won’t want me to come anymore,” she told her partner. Christine was painfully aware that she didn’t fit the “crunchy” stereotype with her repeat C-sections, formula-feeding, and disposable diapers. But she wanted to nurse this new baby so much that she was ready to – in her words – “risk utter humiliation and shame in order to do it.” Trying to breastfeed on her own just hadn’t led to the results she wanted; she was going to have to seek help.

Christine’s body language when she sat down at that first La Leche League meeting was defiant and defensive. Clearly, she felt completely out of her element. Anticipating judgmental glances and backhanded comments, she revealed she was hoping to nurse the baby she was expecting but had had repeat C-sections and mainly formula-fed her three children. She paused and waited for the condemnation she felt sure was coming. Instead, Christine was shocked that “people were really compassionate” toward her. No one remarked about what she “should” have done. And when she opened up about painful aspects of

her story, she heard, “I’m sorry. That sounds terrible. I’m sad to hear that happened to you.” It was almost as if the group had been waiting for her.

Christine was met with kindness and empathy that night, and she left feeling like her experiences – and truly, her SELF – had been honored.

Over the next six months of her pregnancy, Christine risked it over and over again to come to La Leche League meetings twice a month, rarely missing. Though it wasn’t easy, she pushed through her insecurities and anxieties. She found that the group welcomed differences of opinion as well as experiences, something she never expected.

She heard the mantra repeated at the beginning of every meeting: “You’ll hear a lot of different ideas here. Take what works for you, and leave the rest behind.”

So – she DID. By continuing to come to LLL meetings and forming friendships with other parents, Christine has learned how beautiful it can be when we risk relationships and learn from one another. Her life is richer because she has chosen, deliberately, to be in community with people who build each other up. She has been able to achieve the breastfeeding success she desired with the support and encouragement of LLL leaders and other parents happy to walk with her on her journey.

When asked how she has benefited from her participation in the LLL community, Christine had a lot to say.

Perhaps the most significant, though, was this: “I see myself as more confident, I speak out, and I trust my instincts

“Though it wasn’t easy, she pushed through her insecurities and anxieties. She found that the group welcomed differences of opinion as well as experiences, something she never expected.”

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Babies! more. I’m starting to make decisions for myself and my family instead of what other people or society in general think I should be doing. I don’t doubt myself as much as I used to.”

It’s been nearly two years since her first LLL meeting. Christine is proud to have worked hard to fully breastfeed Mason, her fourth child. With support from the LLL community, they overcame some challenges and are still nursing at 15 months. Christine remains actively involved with LLL and makes it to most meetings with four kiddos in tow. She has exclusively formula fed, and she has exclusively breastfed.

Christine’s unique perspective has led her to make an astute observation, and it is one we would be wise to ponder: Parents today are often shamed on both ends of the infant feeding spectrum. And this is just one of the many issues we all wade through as parents.

The culture of “mommy shaming” that pervades into all aspects of our parenting is damaging to every one of us, as well as to our children. The comparison game is one that truly has no winners.

So what if we viewed Christine’s story as a reminder to focus on each other’s humanity? To say no to shaming other parents, whether outwardly or in our heads? What if we consciously decided to meet each other with empathy and honor the experiences we have

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each had that make up who we are at any given moment?

If this all sounds too good to be true, it is – IF enough people do nothing. But Christine found out that when people come together with intentionality and encourage each other toward a common goal, powerful things happen. What about you? Will you join us – intentionally – in this counter-cultural movement? Whether through LLL or something else, our community is waiting to benefit from your participation.

La Leche League of Eau Claire is one of many offerings in the Valley that foster intentional community with a respectful, encouraging atmosphere. We strive to meet parents where they are, and we recognize that people’s stories (like Christine’s and like our own) are beautifully messy and complex. Our trained and accredited leaders support any parent or parent-to-be who wishes to breastfeed and/or feed their baby human milk. Help is available by phone, email, Facebook, or in person. LLL-EC meets twice a month and offers both morning and evening meetings. Visit our Facebook page for leader contact info, meeting schedule and topics, and more: www.facebook.com/llleauclaire.

Hafele is an accredited La Leche League leader and certified lactation counselor.

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Babies!

MEANT TO BE

Adoptive p arents never stop le arning

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hen many people imagine preparing to bring a baby home, they envision nine months of room painting, nesting, baby showers, and supply runs that will almost certainly culminate in welcoming a newborn person to the family. This was not the case for Laura and Jerome Roach when they brought their first child home.

After more than a year of applications, meetings, trainings, and failed prospective matches, they still didn’t know when their time would come, how old their child would be, whether it would be a boy or a girl, where they would meet it … Jerome received the phone call informing him that they could adopt a week-old baby boy in Texas just a little before Thanksgiving, they had very little in the way of baby supplies.

Laura remembers their inventory: A pack and play, a bassinet, some newborn onesies, receiving blankets, pacifiers.

They had one small package of newborn diapers and a package of wipes. They picked up more essentials after landing in Texas, including a car seat, on their way to meet Jack for the first time.

He was a good flyer and a snuggler, and when they returned home, he was a mobile baby, going everywhere with Laura. “I would say we bonded quite easily,” she said. “He’s a pretty special little boy.”

Three and a half years later, if you ask Jack where he was born, he’ll tell you “I was born in mommy’s heart,” before he returns to his toy airplanes, squeaking and babbling like a happy toddler does.

He wears a Seahawks hoodie, but if you ask him who his favorite football team is you can’t be quite sure whether he will claim them or the Packers.

Laura and Jerome are excited to see which he settles into as he gets older.

The trio enjoys weekend overnight trips, swimming, and checking out local parks and zoos.

The adoption was finalized six months after the Roaches flew to Texas to get Jack, after five home visits.

Jack’s birth parents had terminated their parental rights before Laura and Jerome flew down to pick him up, so they were fairly certain the process would go smoothly.

Laura and Jerome consider themselves “beyond blessed,” to have adopted Jack. “We are forever grateful for Jacks birth parents and their decision to make an adoption plan,” Laura said.

Now, the Roaches are in the process of adopting a second child. They have completed the required home visits, crafted family scrapbooks, and taken adoption training courses, and are waiting for their next baby to join the family and make Jack a big brother. Although Laura and Jerome feel a little more prepared – mentally and in inventory – for their second child than they did with Jack, they know that every adoption story is different, and things might not go as expected.

“It’s hard with the ups and downs, but ultimately the baby you get is the baby that was meant for you,” Laura said.

Laura and Jerome are adopting through Lutheran Social Services of Wisconsin and Upper Michigan. Their profile is viewable online at https://bit. ly/2PYey1U. More information about adoption is available at www.lsswis.org.

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Babies!

BUNDLES OF JOY * b aby-centric listings & resources BIRTH CLASSES HSHS St Joseph’s and HSHS Sacred Heart Prenatal Classes stjoeschipfalls.org // sacredhearteauclaire.

org Offering a variety of birthing classes free of charge. Classes fill up quickly, so it’s advised to register 3-4 months in advance. Options include a four-week prenatal class, prenatal saturdays, prenatal refresher, breastfeeding, and a prenatal sibling class.

Confident Birth Childbirth Class Series (Bradley Method) Receive Address upon Registration • brad-

leybirth.com/amandagunderson This 8 week natural childbirth class series is a great fit for any expectant couple due this winter. Former Bradley Method Instructors, Amanda and Tim Gunderson, teach an in-depth and interactive childbirth course covering topics such as prenatal nutrition & exercise, stages of labor & positions, the coach’s role, complications, breastfeeding, postpartum & newborn care.

Mayo Clinic Birthing Classes 1400 Bellinger Street,

Eau Claire • (715) 838-5369 • mayohealthsystem. org Mayo Clinic offers family and prenatal classes for free of charge. Class options include breastfeeding classes, birth basics, newborn care, and more.

Prenatal Yoga at Latitude 44 Yoga Studio 313

E. Madison St., Eau Claire • (715) 828-3936 • latitude44yoga.com This class is designed to strengthen and support your body throughout your pregnancy. Meditation, breath, and movement are used to focus on awareness and muscles that are key to a healthy pregnancy and labor. Connect with your body’s innate wisdom and other moms-to-be in the area.

BIRTH CENTERS & RESOURCES

Marshfield Clinic - Birthing Services 2116 Craig

Claire • (715) 834-7734 • volunteer@applepcc.org • applepcc.org APPLE assists women with caring, counseling and information to help provide those with unplanned pregnancies the facts and services that will help them make choices they can live with.

Mayo Clinic Health System 1400 Bellinger Street,

Rd, Eau Claire • (715) 858-4500 • marshfieldclinic. org Providing dedicated and experienced midwives for women’s health care needs.

Apple Pregnancy Care Center 2600 Stein Blvd., Eau

Eau Claire • (715) 838-6100 • mayoclinichealthsystem. org Featuring certified nurse midwives.

OakLeaf Clinics - OB-GYN Clinic of Eau Claire

1110 Oak Ridge Dr, Eau Claire • (715) 836-9020 • info.obgynclinicec@oakleafclinics.com • oakleafclinics.com OakLeaf Clinics - OB-GYN Clinic of Eau Claire provides exceptional care for all phases of a woman’s life. Dr. Irfane Khatib’s philosophy has always been that the patient is first. They continue to focus on the patient’s unique health needs in staying healthy.

Bradley Method Natural Childbirth Classes 6260

Joanne Ln., Altoona • (715) 864-7756 • H4LBirthing@ gmail.com • www.bradleybirth.com/amandagunderson Offering a 12 week class series to expectant couples with an emphasis on the coach’s role and a natural delivery. Couples receive training on pre-natal execise and nutrition, stages of labor, complications, postpartum care, breastfeeding and much more. Check out our website for more information.

Southside Medical Clinic 714 W Hamilton Ave, Eau Claire • (715) 830-9990, OB/GYN (715) 836-9242 • southsidemedicalclinic.com For more than a decade, Southside Medical Clinic has been providing high quality medical care in a comfortable familyfriendly environment. OB/GYN services include infertility evaluations and treatment, surgeries, hormone therapy, birth control, and management of menstrual issues.

Doulas of the Valley • (715) 563-3860 • rachealul-

bergdoula@yahoo.com • doulasofthevalley.com Doulas are non medical professionals that provide hands-on, educational, and emotional support to parents during pregnancy, birth and postpartum. We also offer a variety of specialty services including in-home care for high-risk mothers or those on bed rest during pregnancy, childbirth and newborn classes, and private consultations.

UW-Health Eau Claire Family Medicine 617 W.

Clairemont Ave., Eau Claire // 207 W. Lincoln St., Augusta • Eau Claire: (715) 839-5175 // Augusta: (715) 286-2270 • uwhealth.org UW-Health’s full scale birthing program provides complete continuity of care. With ultrasounds, non-stress testing, and other appointments performed right here in our offices, your doctor follows you throughout the course of your pregnancy and will be present at your delivery. Offers pediatric services and can care for your baby after delivery.

Earth Mother Midwife • 815 Main St E., Menomonie • 612-801-9967 • erin@earthmothermidwife.com •

Based in Menomonie, Earth Mother Midwife and Birth Services supports your birth, your way with well person care, prenatal care, birth services, postpartum services, newborn care, and more.

RESOURCES FOR YOUNG FAMILIES

Child Care Partnership 418 Wisconsin St., Eau Claire

• (715) 836-7511 ext. 1188 • Becca.Elbert@wdeoc.org • ChildCarePartnership.org A resource and referral agency that works with parents by providing a list of child care providers that is customized to their family’s needs and the area they live. They work with child care providers to assess their program qualities, provide training on early childhood education, and work with other community agencies.

Family Resource Center for Eau Claire County

4800 Golf Rd., Ste. 450, Eau Claire • (715) 8331735 • frcec.org Located in the Sears wing of the

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Oakwood Mall, the mission of the Family Resource Center is to provide programs and services that build on family strengths through prevention, education, support and networking in collaboration with other resources in the community.

Family Support Center 403 N. High St., Chippewa

Falls • (715) 723-1138 • familysupport@fsccf.org • familysupportcentercf.com Provides free services and support to families that are struggling with issues such as domestic assault, sexual assault, parental conflicts, and difficulty managing children.

Joshua’s Camp Eau Claire • (715) 514-1485 or

239-246-7530 • jcfinney45@yahoo.com • joshuascamp.org The realization of a wish made by Joshua Holm before he lost his battle with cancer in 2008.

A place for families with children going through cancer treatment. A respite where everyone can smile, laugh, have fun, and enjoy themselves. Also hosts a special retreat for families who have lost a child to cancer.

River Source Family Center 403 High Street, Chip-

pewa Falls • (715) 720-1841 • riversourcefamilycenter. com The mission of River Source Family Center is to embrace and strengthen families with young children by promoting growth through education, information, referral, and opportunities to share experiences.

BABY CLOTHING Here We Grow Again Biannual Consignment Clothing Fair Held at Hobbs Ice Arena, 915 Menomonie St., Eau Claire • (715) 839-5040 • herewegrowagainsale. com West Central Wisconsin’s upscale children’s consignment event. The place to find bargains on quality, name brand clothes, great toys, books, videos, baby equipment, and nursery furniture. Make some extra cash by consigning your child’s/teens things or purchasing some great things for your child/teen at can’t-be-beat prices. Item drop off for consignment on Wed & Thu before sale.

Once Upon a Child Consignment Store 4058 Com-

monwealth Avenue, Eau Claire • onceuponachild. com Buys and sells gently used kids’ clothing, shoes, toys and baby gear offering you the opportunity to recycle your children’s nearly new items and get paid on the spot.

That’s Adorable, Kids Consignment Boutique 129

N. Barstow Street, Eau Claire • (715) 864-0883 • thatsadorableec.wordpress.com That’s Adorable is a Chippewa Valley children’s consignment boutique that buys and sells birth through size 12 clothing. They also sell books, toys, gear and local-made gifts. They host a weekly story time and a number of events.

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