Motherhood

written by Karen Varela

As women, finding our place in modern society has been a battle over history. Women need to do more, they have more pressure to succeed and are always judged by every action, choice and even by the way they age. The pressure increases when a woman becomes a mother, translating to every aspect of our life. The social standard of being successful and accomplished in work, in motherhood and in personal life adds even more difficulties to that battle.

Women have the power to create life, the woman's body is an incredible machine that knows intrinsically how to create and give birth to a little human. Culture is also a very important factor in motherhood’s path. In some cultures the women are supported and empowered by their communities during pregnancy, birth and postpartum, but in western society there is a lot of fear around the birth, since early ages we are exposed to the horror and painful histories about birth.

This has deeply affected how women perceive birth and has filled them with deep fear, pushing mothers to go through “comfort C-sections'' to ease the birth,

Matrescence and the Mother’s place in Modern Society

especially in Latin America (52%) and US (22.4%) where women are offered to perform a c-section to avoid the “awful experience” of giving birth naturally. A C-section is a major surgery that carries out a number of significant risks and complications. C-sections should be performed only if it’s the safest option for the mother and the baby.

Information is the key to women overcoming fear, regaining confidence and empowering their bodies.

Once the baby arrives, the whole life of the mother and the family is going to be transformed. I often compare it to a Tsunami that impacts all aspects in your life and in women as a whole. A woman will never be the same, all the changes have started during pregnancy, she is changing physically and psychologically.

The woman's body is changing to create a life, to nourish it, to keep it warm and to be prepared for the new skills that she will need to keep her offspring alive. Psychological changes are directly linked to the mommy brain phenomenon, and to the hormonal changes too, famous Oxytocin will be the one responsible to create this Mom-Baby love and attachment.

These changes will continue once the baby is born, the uterus will reach its “normal” size, the breast will produce milk (if the mother breastfeeds), the chest will be warmer to keep the baby warm and comfy, the oxytocin will make your baby the only one priority, and this is real! Mothers are not deciding on focusing only on their babies because they want, their bodies are configured to do so. The brain will continue to create new connections to store all these new skills, and they will be unique for each mom-baby pair(Neuroplasticity is the ability of our nervous system to create new connections or reorganize the existing ones in order to be able to store all the new skills).

And now we can introduce the term MATRESCENCE, defined as the process of becoming a mother. This term was first used in 1973 by the anthropologist Dana Rapahel.This covers all the changes physiological and physical that a woman goes through when she becomes a mom. That goes from pregnancy till the postnatal period and beyond. A woman will not be the same after she gives birth, during this transition she will become a new one, when a baby is born a mother is born too.

“Birth produces two people: the first a flailing soul, struggling to take in a new world, a new way of being. The second: a baby” Bummi Laditan

A woman who becomes a mother needs to adapt to her new self, her new life, and sadly this is not very easy in modern and western society, where everything is more individualist and mothers don’t get the support from a community to count on and to raise her child.

“It takes a village to raise a child” Proverb

And going back to the fact that womens are constantly fighting to find their place in society, now we can understand better what happens during Matrescence.

It is easy to understand that this battle is becoming harder for them, as they are discovering their new self, and how their body functions. All these factors add extra pressure to this fight, especially the definition of motherhood in our culture that will brings GUILT to mothers, always questioning their decisions, and adding extra pressure by asking to be the same partner, the same daughter, the same friend, the same employee, the same manager that she used to be…

If we understand what Matrescence is and how this deeply affects women/mothers, we will be able to help cope with this transition. Don’t forget that they are accomplishing wonderful work to bring life to our world, bringing a new generation to this planet.

Matrescence needs to be digested and integrated into our collective culture. This will help to change the world. We need to love, cherish, nourish, protect, respect and value mothers, so they will continue to do so for their babies, but this time supported by her collective. And by this I don't refer only to the fact of being full time with their babies, let’s respect mothers choices and let them create their own definition of Motherhood, as they feel it, as they want, as they need. Only at this moment will they be guilt-free as they will be accomplishing motherhood as they want. Let's support them and be the village that they need to raise their child.

Karen Varela @karen_varelagonzalez