Sensitivity as Super Power

WELLBEING Sensitivity as a Superpower?

Written by Dominique Antonina

Being a sensitive human can feel like you have no skin. Like there is no buffer between you and the world. Do you ever feel like that? If so, this article is dedicated lovingly to you sensitive souls. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you might understand by the end the blessings and burdens of being a sensitive person in an insensitive world.

So, who qualifies as a sensitive person? We all bear some level of sensitivity. And we all have blind spots and can be staggeringly oblivious too. Some are sensitive to criticism, some are empathetic enough to feel other people’s emotions close to the bone. Some are overly concerned with the pain of the world. The Germans call this weltschermerz and Francis Weller refers to it as the third gateway to grief.

Some of us are sensitive to coffee, drugs, sex, porn, loud noises, or scary films. We’re not all made the same, thank goodness, and there are levels of sensitivity that can mean we do quite well in this hectic life. But being sensitive can quickly lead to being overwhelmed, and the need to escape into a fantasy land or lean into addictions.

My rough definition of empathy is to experience a deep level of sensitivity and concern for other people’s emotions and well-being, sometimes to the degree that other people’s moods and needs can trump your own, or you struggle to set boundaries if you feel it could cause harm or upset. With a heart made of tissue paper in a world with many sorrows, how can we see sensitivity as a superpower and stay centred?

Firstly, remember sensitivity is a gift. It might be an expensive gift, one that you wish sometimes you could return & get a refund. But it is a gift to feel, to intuit. Imagine the times that you felt intense emotions. Imagine having the worst day of your life, and then being met with an insensitive, oblivious, tactless, unfeeling, or ruthlessly unconcerned person in that moment, how would that have impacted you?

Maybe you’ve had a taste of that. You’ve been going through something brutally hard and you’ve walked into your local shop, or gone to work and people have been utterly unconcerned, insensitive, or unaware, and there was no safety for you to whisper “I’m struggling right now, I just need a minute.” So, you retreated, a husk of yourself, convinced the world was a tough and ungenerous place. In those husk states, we can turn mute. Vocalizing needs can be beyond our triggered capacity, and it is a blessing, a game-changer, if someone notices you, and shows you a little tenderness. This is what sensitive folk do well. Sometimes they know before you do. They see you a mile off, and before asking, they know already you’re not okay. Think of the times when someone has, without request, made you a cup of tea, covered for you at work, or listened to you even when they were tired and it was late. Because you, your feelings, and your experience matters.

Sensitive people are needed. How much better would the world be with more sensitive, empathetic, loving humans in it? Think of some inspiring, sensitive people and their contributions to art, music, therapies, science, technology, playfulness. Deep joy and vulnerability comes from the same visceral place – the inner child. The inner child stays in tune with sensitivity, play and vulnerability. It doesn’t give a shit about deadlines, rules and scowls at jobsworths. It has a different set of priorities, valuing compassion, care and expression above all else. Existing sensitively and being connected to our inner kid is an imaginative and potent way of living and connecting with the world. “But it’s so harrrrrrrd”, I hear you sensy souls purring. Yeah it is! Sometimes it is just incredibly hard.

I'm sorry if you thought this article would tell you how to make it easy, I can't do that. Being sensitive to the pain of the world and others will take up time, space, change your plans, demand your attention... My advice? Find the stillness, the solidness of you within the sensitivity. You might feel like you’re made of tissue paper, but you’re not. You’ve survived this long being sensitive in this ferocious world, so I’d wager you can hang on in some more.

Pay attention to when and how your sensitivity is in service or in sabotage to yourself and others. Notice you’re not responsible for other people’s processes or emotions or life story. It’s nice that you give a shit, but try to stay with you.

Give others your support, love, presence, but keep most of your attention with yourself. Give yourself a task to refocus your energies. If your empathy is high, take a second to pause, breathe, and remind yourself that’s not what you’re there for. Although it is a beautiful gift to notice how other people are feeling and be available to support them, it’s not your job to breathe for people. You might think that I’m saying, “it’s not safe to be sensitive. Run! Hide!!” Rest assured, I’m not. I’m saying, use it wisely and channel it. Let your gift of sensitivity have purpose. Imagine it as a mansion. It’s a BEAUTIFUL PRISTINE PALACE, but if it’s just sat on some land rotting away, no one is benefiting from this marvellous gift that you have. Share your alertness and generosity in ways that are useful. Bring the wisdom of your sensitivity and empathy and allow it to be a superpower that benefits people. Be the one that instigates tricky conversations because you picked up on the vibe. Be the person who notices someone else’s emotional state and responds in a kind and loving way. Develop self-care practices. Think of them as emotional hygiene. You don’t brush your teeth once a month and expect good oral health. A sensitive spirit needs a bit more time to regulate. Creating rituals that you enjoy and look forward to is a wonderful way to stay sane. Crystals, Black Tourmaline and onyx are good for re-balancing. Smudging and asking for rejuvenation/protection from any support you have (be it spiritual support, friends, therapists or nature) taking time out for yourself, meditation, journaling, going for a run, having a long, warm bath, eating nourishing food, a good giggle, dancing are all useful ways of being in good energetic health.

Be discerning and create a strong support network. Monitor whether you’re always in the role of caregiver, because of your propensity to hold space or be alert to people’s needs. Make sure you have friends who provide that role for you and respect your boundaries when you can’t be available for support. We all have wounding and medicine to bring each other, so there’s no shame in being in need. You don’t need to carry the heavy weight of collective emotions on your shoulders. Nobody’s shoulders are that big. Make sure you have nourishing people to keep you uplifted, because sensitive people are also highly playful children inside. And share your sensitivity like a manual everyone is welcome to read. Let it ripple out. How can you maximize the gift? Take a minute to reflect on times in your life where your sensitivity has been helpful. Maybe it steered you away from danger, made someone feel safe, or helped de-escalate a volatile situation. Your superpower might be diffusing chaos wherever you go without you even knowing it! It is useful and no doubt it’s a strong survival skill. Many of us become highly sensitive because we grew up in environments that were full of unspoken explosives or had families that communicated like they were military spies. We learned to read people’s moods, faces, vibrations and sounds to understand which way the current was going and act accordingly. Many sensitive people are great at meeting other people’s needs because they read emotions like braille.

If you feel open and paper-thin to the pain, then you probably feel open to the joys of the world as well. Where in your life does the positivity seep in? Where do you get caught up in a collective buzz of triumph, hope and celebration? Your sensitivity could be a legal, feel-good drug with no side effects, given the right context. Where can you let in ecstasy? Maximize the good stuff and monitor where you go out of balance, and with whom. This is a token that you can use in relationship to others. It can buy you intimacy, but you can also gain debt if you overspend and don’t hold your boundaries. The people that get it will support you, and the people that push up against your boundaries may not be helpful folks to be within your inner sanctum. Lastly, feeling like you have no skin can sometimes be a bummer. Like when it’s raining outside or if you get too close to an open fire. But feeling like there’s no buffer between you and the world when it is glorious, when life is loving and magical and fun and spectacular… is quite heavenly.