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May 09 Issue 197 SPOTLIGHT MUSIC

FILM TV

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oo

kin

GAMES

Ch

ain

BOOKS

CULTURE

LISTINGS

SPOTLIGHT

MUSIC

FILM

TV

GAMES

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CULTURE

LISTINGS

Spotlight

JOSEPH MCDERMOTT INTERVIEWS:

GOLDIE LOOKIN CHAIN G

oldie Lookin Chain are a band of outcasts; they sit apart from normality inside a cosy and chaotic world of their own. Leaning comfortably in the grim setting of the Fibbers’ Green Room band leader Eggsy looks perfectly relaxed. He shares a dirty leather couch with a rather stoned, senseless and unwashed Billy Webb. Neither of them looks as though they've had much sleep. “It's just living on a bus,” explains Eggsy “you don’t really sleep you just lie there and doze for a bit. Then you sweat loads, then you get up and you’re just drenched in sweat and you feel like a mong.” There's a mummer of agreement within the band before Billy Webb mumbles “Then you have a spliff” and sinks back in his seat to the approving nod of Graham the Bear [a new addition to the group].

Goldie Lookin Chain, known by their cult following as the GLC, are exactly how you might imagine them to be: a chilled out and chatty group of lads.

Our conversation is littered with coarse and controversial humour, much of which is totally unprintable (even in this liberal tabloid); suffice to say that jokes about rohypnol, the gussets of lingerie and a ridiculously misinformed understanding gingivitis are likely to offend a large cross-section of any publication’s readership. It's all delivered with a lilting Welsh accent which adds an almost surreal tinge to their words.

GLC are, of course, no strangers to controversy but what has been their most outrageous moment?

“Probably when Graham had sex with a boy a few days ago,” jokes Eggsy “no not really, we’ve had a few bits and bobs though. We once did a concert at a snowboarding festival and we got into shit when we were doing the sound check. We were just fucking around and having a laugh but it was in the middle of the day and in a huge public square. The police weren’t please about us swearing. They threatened to arrest us.” Billy pipes up with the story of how they nearly got arrested at the French-Swiss boarder for smoking weed on the bus: “It was funny… well not at the time. It was funny afterwards though.”

One of the band’s most infamous moments was before a World Cup qualifier between England and Wales in 2005. The band was invited to perform and cheekily dedicated the song ‘Your Missus is a Nutter’ to David Beckham. Afterwards the Welsh FA

were forced to make a humiliating apology to the Beckhams. Eggsy elaborates: “A lot of people bring up the David Beckham incident but that wasn’t really us. A Sun journalist promised us £100 to do it.” He smiles and reminisces: “he never paid up! He may have been a nice guy but he still owes us 100 quid… that’s a lot of money, it’s a bloody recession isn’t it.”

Despite showing a crude exterior during the interview I see glimpses of the business savvy and the passion for music that have made the band such

GLC are frank and forthcoming when answering my various questions. One thing that impressed me was the way they didn’t shy away from the topic of being dropped by Atlantic Records (an issue many bands would be cagey about). Eggsy speaks candidly not only about the pitfalls of being on a major label but the positives it brings: “We may have only got two albums out of them but they really helped us.

Without them we wouldn’t be able to make a living from music or be able to release material on our own record label.” This lack of bitterness is the perfect demonstration of how the band conducts itself.

They are a positive force, living life stress-free and without regret.

Their new album, ASBO 4 Life, promises to reflect this: “It’s a great party album, we’ve tried to make every tune something worth listening to. Its good music to accompany a weekend, or when you’re doing something fun.” “Or in the car,” adds Billy “turn it up loud, there are some good sounds on it, just make sure you get involved.”

After the interview was over it struck me that sitting down and chatting with the GLC was as easy as chatting with my friends. There was none of the mechanical, stilted conversation about ‘musical influence’, no pretentious claim to be ‘pushing the boundaries of music’ (“We’re comedy hip hop… it sounds stupid and doesn’t explain it properly but that’s basically what we are”). GLC are just genuine guys, top blokes, and the kind of people you can just kick back and relax with. I suppose that's what makes them outcasts because in this business that's a very rare thing indeed.

"WHAT'S BEEN OUR MOST CONTROVERSIAL MOMENT? PROBABLY WHEN GRAHAM HAD SEX WITH THAT BOY A COUPLE OF DAYS AGO!" a success. GLC may not be model professionals but they are professionals nonetheless: “We want to make a living out of this.” When I asked them who was the worst band they ever toured with they cite the amateurish Domino Monkeys [a band formed by Bez and Wags of The Happy Mondays]. “I’m not disrespecting but they were pretty bad. Wags downed a bottle of vodka and went onstage totally fucked; Bez had to apologise to the crowd, and you know it’s bad when Bez has to apologise!” But Billy adds with a wry smile “In some ways they were the best band we’ve ever toured with: pure rock and roll!”

It doesn’t seem to matter who they’re with, where they are or what they’re doing, GLC loves touring: “foreign countries are always really good, and festivals… you go in, do a gig and then have a massive party with loads of people. We used to do this thing where we got our sound engineer, Dr Cum, to cook up some burgers and stuff… it was a proper GLC BBQ wasn’t it,” recalls Eggsy. “We were handing out Cum burgers to everyone, The Zutons came along and had a Cum Burger with cheese!” This charming memory elicits chorus of childish laughter from the lads.

SPOTLIGHT

MUSIC

FILM

TV

GAMES

BOOKS

CULTURE

THE DOVES

Joseph McDermott

KINGDOM OF RUST - OUT NOW

W

e like shouting in Manchester. We love a good holler. And our music reflects this, just think about it. The lines “And if a double decker bus, crashes into us...” and “You could wait for a lifetime, to spend the days in the sunshine,” need to be tunelessly and drunkenly belched. Yet of late, Manchester has become the breeding ground for records of startling and understated beauty, rather than raucous rock. Following hot on heels from Elbow’s glorious The Seldom Seen Kid comes the Doves’ Kingdom of Rust, an album immediately deserving of that rarest of labels ... it is a ‘classic’.

The album kicks off with the krautrock influenced foot stomper, 'Jetstream' and it is immediately clear that something rather brilliant is afoot here. It’s repetitive thud is a perfect foil for what is to follow, the anthemic and tearful title track, embodying everything there is to love about The Doves; Skyscraping choruses, heartbreaking melancholy and luscious string arrangements. A stunning first half to the album is completed by '10:03' - Jimmy Goodwin’s vocals drip with raw emotion, stinking of heartbreak and sadness, he croons “You were the last of those fires, as you burned into the night.” The song’s slower pace soon gives way to a crescendo of clattering guitars, rumbling bass, and pummeling drum beats; it sounds like being flung headfirst down a tunnel without a crash helmet... in a good way obviously.

Naturally the second half of the album does not quite live up to the genrebusting mayhem of its predecessor, yet The Doves do their best to maintain the magnificent standards set. 'Compulsion' has a baseline that conjures the image of Rick Waller rolling down the side of a mountain, whilst the song itself comes over a bit like Maroon 5 on LSD. They must be kicking themselves ... a ‘trip’ away from greatness. The album even has the cheek to end in fine style as well, with the gorgeous 'Lifelines'.

The Doves spent the best part of three years beavering away in their Cheshire studio recording this, the defining moment in their decade long career. And you can tell - every track is superb , not a note is misplaced - nor is a second of your listening time wasted on this truly special and masterful album from one of Britain’s best bands.

MIKE REGAN

✰✰✰✰✰

LISTINGS

ESSER

'Headlock' OUT NOW You could certainly be forgiven for calling Esser the male La Roux: he shares similarities with her that go far beyond their outlandish haircuts.

Bold and beguiling; Esser spins an inventive web of slick lyrics and catchy vocals. The minimal instrumentation provided by a rather unimaginative drum and synth combo doesn’t ruin the track but instead grants an appropriate emphasis to his mesmeric crooning. A brilliant artist who is deservedly creeping onto the radar.

FRANKMUSIK 'Better Off As Two' OUT NOW

Billed as a rising star of the electropop scene Frankmusik is known less for his music and more for his various PR stunts: a busy schedule which ranges from a T4 appearance to completing a 5 gig tour armed with only his blackberry phone and a £20 note.

This is unfortunate as his music can more than speak for itself. ‘Better Off As Two’ is pleasant piece of electronic power-pop; following a familiar formula of synth and drum machine.

Frankmusik may not be wildly original but he has certainly provided a solid and enjoyable release.

DEPECHE MODE 'Wrong' OUT NOW

CaSIOTONE FOR THE

THE CAZALS WHAT OF OUR FUTURE? OUT NOW

W

ith the beginning of Roses just three days away the anticipation for the extravaganza is sweeping across our tiny campus. Yet this year’s organising team have planned far more than just the year’s biggest sporting event. Amongst the exciting evening entertainment is a gig from the new indie kids on the block - The Cazals.

If Roses were to pay for Babyshambles, Franz Ferdinand, The Enemy and the Sterephonics, they would have to shell out a fair bit of our money. So they have gone for the next best option... Book a band that sounds like them all. For there is nothing remotely original about The Cazals. Their brand of proletarian indie has been the centre of XFM’s newly commericialised playlist, for the last three years. But whilst you have heard it all before, their debut album is a collection of melodic yet raw indie pop that is bound to be a winner this coming weekend.

After a hard day’s sporting activity, whilst under the influence of litres of cheap alcohol the last thing that any of our competitors will want is german avant guarde techno, or ambient icelandic rock it it? The Cazals will fit their purpose, that is to entertain punters with simple but enjoyable guitar music. Songs like “New Boy in Town” and “Life is Boring” are brilliantly catchy and destined for that mid afternoon, sun soaked festival spot this summer.

And whilst a whole album of the stuff grates a little, a short and snappy set of this from them this weekend will do the trick. Be sure to catch The Cazals this weekend at The Roses Rave event on Saturday night, for a fun packed set of indie mayhem.

✰✰✰✰✰

PAINFULLY ALONE Vs. Children OUT NOW

O

wen Ashworth’s instrumental repertoire is extended in his latest offering, from the keyboards that shape his sound to a range of other instruments that equally compliment his solemn, slurred vocals. This gives Vs. Children a much more upbeat vibe than his previous collections, which is deceptive considering its subject matter – as suggested by the title, a lot of the album deals with the concepts of children and pregnancy from various perspectives; from single mothers to contraception.

Almost paradoxically, its other main focus is on crime and its consequences for the criminal (apparently influenced by the story of a former co-worker who robbed 26 banks before being arrested). It sounds depressing, but something about the combination of the warm instrumental backing and Ashworth’s calm delivery is reassuring, veiling the gravity of the situations in the songs.

Lyrically, the album seems painfully yet intentionally banal at times (“call in sick, I’ll get some movies”); but in places it’s stunningly poetic: “days and weeks in motels, sleepy TV glow / with static filtering through payphones in the snow”. Sadly though, the words are often lost in the music and fail to attract attention, and although this is part of Casiotone for the Painfully Alone’s charm, it really doesn’t do them justice. Vs. Children is undoubtedly more mature than previous albums, with more musical and lyrical interest and an intriguing range of focus, but it still blends easily and, sadly, unnoticeably into the background. Still, with its quiet and often unintelligible vocals drowned in dreamy keyboard layers, it’d make great revision music. ✰

STEVE TIMPSON

✰✰✰✰✰

SUZY DODD

Depeche Mode are not a typical band: after spending nearly thirty years in the business, spawning countless imitators and inspiring a generation of artists you’d think they would be about ready to hang up their synthesizers. But no they’re still hanging around, knocking out tune after tune. ‘Wrong’ is the first single from their latest release Sounds of the Universe and its one of the most original releases of the year so far. Every note is timed to perfection, even after three decades worth of output Depeche Mode are able to sound bold and exciting without straining.

THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS 'Hush Hush; Hush Hush' OUT MARCH 12th Most students have a soft spot for The Pussycat Dolls; whether it comes from their overuse in the nightclubs of York or from their *cough* overexposure in music videos we’ve all cultivated a love for their unique brand of dance-pop.

This latest single may be a challenge to this love; whether it’s the limp chorus or the bizarre mid-song rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Will Survive’ this release is nothing more than a cynical collage of commercial, mass market sound bites. The only way this song will sell is through the reputation of the band.

SPOTLIGHT

MUSIC

FILM

TV

GAMES

BOOKS

CULTURE

THE DOVES

Joseph McDermott

KINGDOM OF RUST - OUT NOW

W

e like shouting in Manchester. We love a good holler. And our music reflects this, just think about it. The lines “And if a double decker bus, crashes into us...” and “You could wait for a lifetime, to spend the days in the sunshine,” need to be tunelessly and drunkenly belched. Yet of late, Manchester has become the breeding ground for records of startling and understated beauty, rather than raucous rock. Following hot on heels from Elbow’s glorious The Seldom Seen Kid comes the Doves’ Kingdom of Rust, an album immediately derserving of that rarest of labels ... it is a ‘classic’.

The album kicks off with the krautrock influenced foot stomper, 'Jetstream' and it is immediately clear that something rather brilliant is afoot here. It’s repetitive thud is a perfect foil for what is to follow, the anthemic and tearful title track, embodying everything there is to love about The Doves; Skyscraping choruses, heartbreaking melancholy and luscious string arrangements. A stunning first half to the album is completed by '10:03' - Jimmy Goodwin’s vocals drip with raw emotion, stinking of heartbreak and sadness, he croons “You were the last of those fires, as you burned into the night.” The song’s slower pace soon gives way to a crescendo of clattering guitars, rumbling bass, and pummeling drum beats; it sounds like being flung headfirst down a tunnel without a crash helmet... in a good way obviously.

Naturally the second half of the album does not quite live up to the genrebusting mayhem of its predecessor, yet The Doves do their best to maintain the magnifecent standards set. 'Compulsion' has a baseline that conjures the image of Rick Waller rolling down the side of a mountain, whilst the song itself comes over a bit like Maroon 5 on LSD. They must be kicking themselves ... a ‘trip’ away from greatness. The album even has the cheek to end in fine style as well, with the gorgeous 'Lifelines'.

The Doves spent the best part of three years beavering away in their Cheshire studio recording this, the defining moment in their decade long career. And you can tell - every track is superb , not a note is misplaced - nor is a second of your listening time wasted on this truly special and masterful album from one of Britain’s best bands.

MIKE REGAN

✰✰✰✰✰

LISTINGS

ESSER

'Headlock' OUT NOW You could certainly be forgiven for calling Esser the male La Roux: he shares similarities with her that go far beyond their outlandish haircuts.

Bold and beguiling; Esser spins an inventive web of slick lyrics and catchy vocals. The minimal instrumentation provided by a rather unimaginative drum and synth combo doesn’t ruin the track but instead grants an appropriate emphasis to his mesmeric crooning. A brilliant artist who is deservedly creeping onto the radar.

FRANKMUSIK 'Better Off As Two' OUT NOW

Billed as a rising star of the electropop scene Frankmusik is known less for his music and more for his various PR stunts: a busy schedule which ranges from a T4 appearance to completing a 5 gig tour armed with only his blackberry phone and a £20 note.

This is unfortunate as his music can more than speak for itself. ‘Better Off As Two’ is pleasant piece of electronic power-pop; following a familiar formula of synth and drum machine.

Frankmusik may not be wildly original but he has certainly provided a solid and enjoyable release.

DEPECHE MODE 'Wrong'

OUT NOW

CaSIOTONE FOR THE

THE CAZALS WHAT OF OUR FUTURE? OUT NOW

W

ith the beginning of Roses just three days away the anticipation for the extravaganza is sweeping across our tiny campus. Yet this year’s organising team have planned far more than just the year’s biggest sporting event. Amongst the exciting evening entertainment is a gig from the new indie kids on the block - The Cazals.

If Roses were to pay for Babyshambles, Franz Ferdinand, The Enemy and the Sterephonics, they would have to shell out a fair bit of our money. So they have gone for the next best option... Book a band that sounds like them all. For there is nothing remotely original about The Cazals. Their brand of proletarian indie has been the centre of XFM’s newly commericialised playlist, for the last three years. But whilst you have heard it all before, their debut album is a collection of melodic yet raw indie pop that is bound to be a winner this coming weekend.

After a hard day’s sporting activity, whilst under the influence of litres of cheap alcohol the last thing that any of our competitors will want is german avant guarde techno, or ambient icelandic rock it it? The Cazals will fit their purpose, that is to entertain punters with simple but enjoyable guitar music. Songs like “New Boy in Town” and “Life is Boring” are brilliantly catchy and destined for that mid afternoon, sun soaked festival spot this summer.

And whilst a whole album of the stuff grates a little, a short and snappy set of this from them this weekend will do the trick. Be sure to catch The Cazals this weekend at The Roses Rave event on Saturday night, for a fun packed set of indie mayhem.

✰✰✰✰✰

PAINFULLY ALONE Vs. Children OUT NOW

O

wen Ashworth’s instrumental repertoire is extended in his latest offering, from the keyboards that shape his sound to a range of other instruments that equally compliment his solemn, slurred vocals. This gives Vs. Children a much more upbeat vibe than his previous collections, which is deceptive considering its subject matter – as suggested by the title, a lot of the album deals with the concepts of children and pregnancy from various perspectives; from single mothers to contraception.

Almost paradoxically, its other main focus is on crime and its consequences for the criminal (apparently influenced by the story of a former co-worker who robbed 26 banks before being arrested). It sounds depressing, but something about the combination of the warm instrumental backing and Ashworth’s calm delivery is reassuring, veiling the gravity of the situations in the songs.

Lyrically, the album seems painfully yet intentionally banal at times (“call in sick, I’ll get some movies”); but in places it’s stunningly poetic: “days and weeks in motels, sleepy TV glow / with static filtering through payphones in the snow”. Sadly though, the words are often lost in the music and fail to attract attention, and although this is part of Casiotone for the Painfully Alone’s charm, it really doesn’t do them justice. Vs. Children is undoubtedly more mature than previous albums, with more musical and lyrical interest and an intriguing range of focus, but it still blends easily and, sadly, unnoticeably into the background. Still, with its quiet and often unintelligible vocals drowned in dreamy keyboard layers, it’d make great revision music. ✰

STEVE TIMPSON

✰✰✰✰✰

SUZY DODD

Depeche Mode are not a typical band: after spending nearly thirty years in the business, spawning countless imitators and inspiring a generation of artists you’d think they would be about ready to hang up their synthesizers. But no they’re still hanging around, knocking out tune after tune. ‘Wrong’ is the first single from their latest release Sounds of the Universe and its one of the most original releases of the year so far. Every note is timed to perfection, even after three decades worth of output Depeche Mode are able to sound bold and exciting without straining.

THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS 'Hush Hush; Hush Hush' OUT MARCH 12th Most students have a soft spot for The Pussycat Dolls; whether it comes from their overuse in the nightclubs of York or from their *cough* overexposure in music videos we’ve all cultivated a love for their unique brand of dance-pop.

This latest single may be a challenge to this love; whether it’s the limp chorus or the bizarre mid-song rendition of Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Will Survive’ this release is nothing more than a cynical collage of commercial, mass market sound bites. The only way this song will sell is through the reputation of the band.

SPOTLIGHT

MUSIC

FILM

TV

GAMES

BOOKS

CULTURE

LISTINGS

Superthriller

THE NEXT BIG THINGS...

Funky synth-pop Off-beat and quirky; Superthriller are masters of the groove.

AND ONE YOU MIGHT HAVE MISSED...

Wevie Stonder Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band

Absurdist electronica

Big Damn Blues from a Big Damn Band He is an ACTUAL Reverend. Need I say more?

Wevie Stonde offer an indescribable experience that is sure to shock.

CHRIS CORNELL

PET SHOP BOYS

SCREAM

YES!

OUT NOW

OUT NOW

I

must say listening to an entire Pet Shop Boys album was not a task I was overly looking forward to, a relic of the 80s pop music scene still chugging out progressively more mediocre versions of music I never really enjoyed in the first place wasn’t my ideal way of spending an hour of my post-exam freedom.

However in the midst of a sunny summer’s afternoon, the rhythmic synths and catchy hooks soon had me strangely uplifted. After the anthemic opening ‘Love Etc’ the remaining songs seem to blend into one recurring synthetic noise covered with a distinctively grating voice. Although pleasant enough to occupy the background of my lazy afternoon would soon become tiresome if any particular attention was paid to it.

I must admit that considering they have been recording for over 25 years their sound remains surprisingly un-dated. This could be due in large part to the collaboration with Xenomania who have been the creative force behind some of Girls Aloud biggest hits and therefore know what merits marketable pop in today’s market.

It has been claimed that this is the Pet Shop Boys best album in over ten years but I cannot help but think this is less an appreciation of the quality of their songs and more a sign of the general renaissance in the 80s pop sound as exemplified by the popularity of Ladyhawke and The Klaxons.

✰✰✰✰✰

ANDREW NICHOLS

S

mashing up a guitar gives the feeling of a level of inventiveness and creativity rather akin to actually bringing the guitar on stage in the first place.

Despite the first impression that the album gives by having Cornell looking like he’s about to attempt an axe-chop with a guitar, it actually contains moments of utter brilliance; Cornell, previously vocalist with Soundgarden and Audioslave, as well as having sung Casino Royale title song 'You Know My Name,' has largely decided to leave guitars for the time-being.

In Scream, one track moves to the next in an unbroken stream of electronic beats provided by producer Timbaland and short, punchy lyrics performed with Cornell’s trademark, frequently yowling, vocals that would crumple into a mass of electronic horror if attempted by anyone else. On occasion this produces hairraising results as Cornell’s vocals are given the room to dominate by the powerful simplicity of the backing.

However, there are also moments when it feels rather like a tempo was decided upon and there ended any discussion of the track, creating a rather disjointed and uncomfortable effect - not least in the title track. Further, there are moments of the incoherent bizarre - the opening, for some indecipherable reason, combines a slide, a fanfare that would fit in any Disney princess movie, and a speech by what may well be supposed to be an alien.

When the beats and vocals successfully complement each other the result is sheer genius, unfortunately, as such collaborations often go, there are equally moments of unmitigated musical chaos.

✰✰✰✰✰

KATE MISSENDEN

SPOTLIGHT

MUSIC

FILM

TV

GAMES

BOOKS

CULTURE

LISTINGS

BOB DYLAN

SHEFFIELD ARENA, 24-04-09

D

ylan tends to fall into the Marmite category of artists. It’s rare to find someone who is undecided on him. Yet whilst those who hate him can, with relative ease, forget him and move on with their lives, those of us who love him find ourselves paralysed by curiosity regarding his songs, history and legacy.

I often think to myself that a minute not studying, watching or listening to Bob is a minute wasted. So if you’ve not appreciated the pleasure of listening to a Bob Dylan Album, you can do one of two things: jump out a window or... maybe just think twice about buying his tickets.

During the late 90s, Dylan reinvented himself as a blues icon, an action which was probably for the best since his raspy, 40-a-day voice is now best suited to the blues. Despite being backed by a fantastic band, the problems most blasphemers have with his unique way of singing tend to be exacerbated in his live act. Those nasal notes that Dylan hits tend to be longer and more frequent in concert, resulting in sounds that resemble that of a dying cat.

The problems don’t stop there: he managed to sing ‘Tweedle Dee Tweedle Dum’ in an entirely different key to his band and during ‘All Along the Watchtower’ he had a senile moment and sang the first verse instead

of the last.

Dylan has always done things his own way. But his unconventional nature can hinder his live act.

He largely performed hits from his three most recent albums, playing only a few of his old hits and nothing from his new album ‘Together Through Life’, which was set for release only three days later. Having only adorned his guitar for ‘Boots of Spanish Leather,’ remaining behind the comfort of his keyboard for most of the gig and ignoring the audience until his last song where he begrudgingly said thank you, admittedly made him look like a bit of a grumpy, old bastard.

Why then, might you ask, have I delved into the pits of my overdraft (thanks HSBC) for the third time to watch a tuneless, grumpy old sod? Two reasons.

Firstly, despite what I’ve said he puts on one hell of a show and the atmosphere is intensified by the fact that he could pop his clogs at any moment (sorry Bob). His audience go home thinking “I’ve seen Bob Dylan sing ‘Like a Rolling Stone’ live, therefore I can die happy.”

And secondly, lets not beat around the bush, Marmite’s a bit shit, but Dylan’s an absolute legend!

BEAR DALE

way there, resulting in both of you making awkward and stunted attempts to discuss the band. However, don’t be put off. Once the music starts the atmosphere invariably takes over and earlier silences actually serve to improve their opinion of the gig. It is therefore very rare for any to harbour long term resentment for being coerced into coming.

ALONG FOR A GIG-gle!

When you’ve two tickets for a gig it can sometimes be problematic deciding who to offer that second ticket to. Here Vision offers your guide to the three most popular options:

RAM RECORDS VARIOUS ARTISTS MATTER, O2 ARENA 03-04-09

R

am Records had been looking for a suitable venue to take their well lusted night from The End since that particular venue’s closure and they settled upon Matter. Matter is a new nightclub venture of the owners and founders of Fabric, Cameron Leslie and Keith Reilly.

Located at the ‘O2’ Arena and boasting a next generation iteration of Fabric’s famed ‘BodySonic’ dancefloor; the ‘BodyKinetic’ floor. This would be their second event here and the line-up again was inevitably impressive; Andy C, Roni Size, Chase and Status, Subfocus, Fierce B2B Break, Caspa, Culture Shock and more. Oh, MCs IC3, GQ, Dynamite and Fats also featured.

It’s easy to see that how well Ram have slotted into their run here and there were no disappointments or negatives apart from perhaps an inclusion of Snoop Dogg’s jump on Eastern Jam. But onto the positives, Andy C was excellent.

Boldly double-dropping a Pendulum tune ‘Through The Loop’ with ‘Artisan VIP’ as his introduction was an original warm up for a killer mix of ‘This Is What You Want’ and ‘Alien Girl’. Roni Size retains his immense reputation having dropped a ton of old school jumps and properly utilising the insane bass and sound detail offered through matter’s sound system, especially noted with Majistrate & Nicol’s 'Psychosis'. Chase and Status were solid, as per usual and I’m personally a real short for ‘Eastern Jam’ (hence the serious disappointment with ol’ Snoop crackling over it). Subfocus was also pretty standard but went a bit easy just squeezing the top tracks of the night over again but their new take on ‘World of Hurt’ stood out. The real stand out of the night though was Break, who moved away from atypical jump drops but really brought it out for the more hardcore dnb heads amongst the matter crowd, ill highlight being the mix of ‘Last Chance’ which was literally perfect for and on ‘BodyKinetic’.

All in all the night was pretty good, the crowd were a bit dodgy but thanks to the recent popularity of D'n'B and dubstep that’s really kind of inevitable. I heavily recommend visiting the next one on the 5th of June with Ed Rush, Shy FX, Randall, Lomax and Krust B2B Die on the bill with the classics promising a good rush.

JEROME JOSY

The friend who has never been to a ‘gig’ before They’ll be excited, are virtually always great company, and then tend feel indebted to you for going with them. A couple of warnings for the benefit of both parties though; this group tends to fall into two subsections: the first (normally female) have been to clubs ever since they could get away with fake ID and may consider it appropriate to wear 5” heels to a gig.

This should be emphatically discouraged. The second are so concerned about long-term hearing damage that they turn up with enough cotton wool in their ears to illuminate the entire venue if UV light is used. Tact must be used when recommending alternatives. Also, a final quick note; if the friend leaves a pause before emphasising the words ‘gig’ and ‘mosh’, don’t let them partake in the latter.

The friend who loves the band Often a favourable choice, both if you’ve also loved the band for ages or it’s a more recent discovery. However, before you agree to go with them, do ensure that they haven’t been inclined to stalk the band. Whilst previous tour T-Shirts are fine, anything personally designed does suggest a excessive level of obsession and the owner should be avoided - unless, of course, you want to spend the entire evening preventing them screaming, sobbing and getting a restraining order.

The ‘best’ friend/ the friend who has been dragged along They may moan, although this is unusual. The more frequent issue is every normal topic of conversation suddenly evaporating on the

KATE MISSENDEN

DUB POLICE TAKEOVER FABRIC, FARRINGDON 06-04-09

T

he Dub Police Take Over: Caspa’s much awaited album launch was bound to draw a large crowd at the Fabric nightclub in London this Easter. With queues going back several blocks, those of us with tickets happily strolled to the front to enter the strobe-lit maze of bass that was to be our home for the next seven hours.

Room one had it all. Caspa, Skream and Benga...why would you leave this room? I certainly didn’t. Room two did have Andy C, Fabio and High Contrast, but when measured against the pure and omnipotent might of the Dub Police, they are no match... they don’t even come close. Of course the highlight of the evening was Skream’s 'Dupstep Lets Get Ravey' remix of La Roux’s 'In For the Kill'. This cover of the current number two single, brought a haunting calm to the dance floor as her voice echoed across the room while the grumbling bass slowly simmered, building up underneath. Hands were held

high as the anticipatory silence held the crowd, frozen in excitement, before that almighty drop into the depths of dub. As an anonymous, passing pill-head commented, "It was beautiful. I just stood there and let it wash over me."

The album that was being launched, Everybody’s Talking, Nobody’s Listening demonstrated how Caspa aptly transforms and shape-shifts tunes that swathe the entire spectrum: from colossal dance floor anthems to lively club-tearing wobblers and from sublime down tempo beats to hip hopgeared bangers, all the way right through to the tech end of the scale. Every tune captivated and energised the crowd as we surged into the early hours of dawn. This Easter Fabric was certainly a night to remember and one thing is for certain; no matter what Caspa’s album says, that night, everybody was listening.

JENNY MCLARNEY

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MILEY CYRUS Despite it all she’s a still a normal teenage girl.

In real life, Miley Cyrus is both very different and very similar to what you may imagine. She’s glamorous but not overly polished, confident but not arrogant and down to earth but not dull. As she describes her perfect day out in England her answer could’ve been that given by any teenage girl in the world: “Topshop, Topshop and eat!” she exclaims excitedly as the interview begins. She told me that she had already visited the shop but still planned to go back for more: “I didn’t get to buy anything yesterday because I didn’t have enough time to shop but I think Topshop loved me for the day.” Like all 16-year-old girls she sees herself as normal: she cares what people think of her:“If I were any smaller I’d be too skinny, any bigger I’d be too fat” and is quick to answer that “I’d miss my blackberry the most on a desert island.”

Her ambitions reach further than you might imagine.

Miley Cyrus is already a global megastar and you would think such success would be more than enough for most people but for the young starlet it’s just start of things. “I always wanted to be an entertainer,” she tells me. Little did I know that she wasn’t even referring to the fact that she has a TV show, pop-stardom and a budding career as a film actress. Miley also expresses an interest in other things: “I’d love to study photography, maybe become a director.” She definitely plans to stay in the movie business making films “not only in front of the camera but behind it as well.” Within her acting she’s also branching out: “I’m doing a movie in the summer, it’s a drama and it’s gonna be good.”

TOM McDERMOTT TELLS YOU WHY:

album while she is promoting her own projects. “Okay, everybody, my dad’s got a new album coming out! Buy it!” she shouts to the room at large as he laughs.

She’s aware that she’s incredibly lucky.

Miley knows that her life is not what people would consider average: “I am young but I get to experience a lot and to meet really interesting people and to travel.”

She recognises that the experiences she has aren’t available to everyone: “Instead of reading about places I get to go to them.” But, equally, she doesn’t let it go to her head. Living in our day and age, Miley obviously has many examples of what being rich and famous can turn you into, so she understandably tries very hard to avoid becoming a spoilt diva. “I surround myself with good people and keep everything in perspective,” she says, “it’s important not to focus on yourself: it’s a struggle to get to the top and the drop to the bottom can be just as quick.” She succeeds when many have failed by striking a good balance between trying to “remember reality” and trying to “embrace the moment because you don’t know how long it will last.”

" I don’t eat vegetables, they look funny and

most of them are green. Eating anything green is a weird concept for me ."

She really does consider family to be the most important thing in her life.

Some celebrities don’t really believe their own message but Miley really does practice what she preaches: “It’s super important to stay true to yourself and your family and stay in touch with who you are,” she tells us, and her relationship with her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, proves this by being genuinely as loving as the TV show and film make it look. During the interview they seem more like pals than parent and child: “He’s always very funny and he’s always got a lot of energy, so he’s cool,” Miley says of her dad. And he’s just the same with her: “I’m pretty laid back as a dad,” he says, “I try to be a friend to Miley, I know that’s not everybody’s parenting style but I trust her.” They continue to riff off each other making fun of the fact that Billy Ray keeps talking up his new

She has a rebellious streak despite her Disney exterior.

Miley doesn’t seem like she’s capable of turning into an ex-child star hell-raiser like Lindsay Lohan or Macaulay Culkin but as she tells us that she “got into trouble at a press conference” it's clear she’s got a streak of defiance in her. Her current favourite CD, a Beatles compilation, is one she “borrowed” from the last hotel. When asked what sort of food she prefers she also revealed that like many young people she has a strong aversion to vegetables: “I don’t eat vegetables, they look funny and most of them are green.

Eating anything green is a weird concept for me.” She also claims to be a big fan of the more rebellious ‘80s which she would love to go back to. “I could tease my hair, wear leggings and listen to rock and roll.”

She doesn’t want to limit herself.

Despite wanting to move on to other things, Miley isn’t fully closing the door on Hannah Montana: “No I won’t be Hannah forever and this upcoming movie proves that,” she says “but the character is so much like myself that I feel I’ve introduced myself to lots of people.” She’s also open to the idea of doing theatre and gives the impression that she wouldn’t pass up any role without considering it first. Luckily for her she makes a good impression on everyone she meets; Peter Chelsom, the director of the Hannah Montana movie, had nothing but good things to say about her: “Miley Cyrus cheers you up, I could do the advert for that,” he jokes. She also has confidence on her side, something that allows her to hold her own in a world which many would deem inappropriate for someone who still isn’t even old enough to drive a car or drink beer.

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"Like Ken Loach on Crack,with Guns" ANDREW NICHOLS MEETS THE DIRECTOR AND STAR OF SHIFTY A £100,000 FILM THAT IS BEEN HAILED AS THE BEST BRITISH FILM OF THE YEAR

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hifty is the first feature film from writer/director Eran Creevy, it was shot in three weeks and cost only £100,000. It has been nominated for five British Independent Film Awards already and is by many considered the best British film of 2009.Vision caught up with the director and star Daniel Mays to find out how this film has managed to astound critics and punch so far above its weight.

Shifty is the story of two friends from a council estate in Essex, Shifty played by Riz Ahmed and Chris, played by Daniel Mays. Chris has spent four years in Manchester getting a mortgage, a kid and a steady job, whereas Shifty, “the smart kid in class” has discovered that progressing from a part time weed seller to a full blown crack dealer can earn him some serious cash. However, with Chris’s return Shifty’s empire, a grim drug decimated community of people harming themselves in darkened rooms, begins to unravel.

Creevy and Mays speak of the film with obvious passion and enthusiasm, the film is a semi-autobiographical tale of Creevy’s youth and Mays "could emphasise with the characters, Evan lived about 10 miles from where I grew up and I know people in my life, I recognise the characters who were depicted in this film, everyone knows someone who has taken the wrong choice in life, or their struggling from some sort of addiction," Creevy goes on to explain the film was based on "the things we’ve seen, the hurt we’ve seen through drugs and the things they can do to people. I think Danny recognised that in the script and had something to draw upon."

Vision's top 5...

British Films of the last ten years Only recently, British cinema was still in the midst of a terrible draught. It’s output seem to come in two varieties: Mockerney gangster flicks and sappy, stuttering rom coms; intelligent independent films died panting and neglected whilst Government funding was used to allow Johnny Vegas to exploit cinema’s widescreen capabilities in the lobotomised crap fest that was The Sex Lives of the Potato Men. But then Slumdog Millionaire came along, narrowly avoided DVD bargain bin doom and went on to win Best Picture at the Oscars earlier this year (making in it the first British film to do so since ‘Shakespeare in Love’ wooed the Academy over a decade ago). And now, with a new generation of promising British filmmakers (such as Eran Creevy who is also featured in this issue) and talented actors (like the fantastic Rebecca Hall) it seems like a new age of British film is dawning. But, how bad was the last one, really? We looked back at the last ten years of British film and plucked out the top five oases from a vast and scorching desert.

tive ability to work with actors is second to none really, we had a great week beforehand where we broke down the scenes and really talked about the relationship."

Creevy’s attention to detail extends beyond crafting the three-dimensional aspect of the films main protagonists. The films cinematography, pitched between the kind of intentionally rough, jerky shooting that characterises many ‘gritty’ art-house films and overly cinematic dramatised shots creates a stillness and subtlety that allows the subject matter to speak for itself.

Creevy explains that Shifty was "a knee jerk reaction" to films like Kidulthood and Adulthood . Although

'Shifty isn’t just a popcorn movie, a modern day urban gun slinging western, ‘this is about two people, their friendship, their love for each other'

Both Mays and Ahmed’s performance are mature and well judged, perfectly encapsulating the slightly wired, on edge nature of the characters.

When asked about his performance Mays was quick to praise the influence of Creevy, "I have worked with some great people you know, Mike Leigh on a couple of films, and it had that same sort of vibe on this film, the acting opportunities were unbelievable, it was a fantastic character study in friendship and you know both our characters go on a really emotional journey together, it might be his debut feature, but his instinc-

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these were extremely popular films they seemed to portray the stereotype of a lost generation of bingedrinking, knife-carrying youths in an almost caricatured way, like Skins, but less middle-class. Realism is the order of the day for Shifty, "I wanted to make a film that reflected upon more realistically what it was like growing up as a youngster, I wanted to reflect how it was between me and my mates and how we used to talk, I mean although it deals with dark things generally we had a good time growing up you know and there was always loads of good funny banter, some of the best banter i ever heard was in and around where i was growing up in Essex and I think we tried to sort of play off that in the dialogue between Shifty and Chris and try and make the dialogue as realistic as possible."

Labelled a ‘Council Estate film’ by the London Film Festival, Shifty elevates itself above and beyond the recent profusion of gritty, urban, ‘hard hitting’ films, for one thing Creevy refuses to jump on the negative image the media has created for the youth of Britain, although he agrees that "these problems reflect our lives: drugs and crime, it is happening out there in society but it’s a genuinely optimistic film and hopefully people will walk out feeling quite enthused and riled up." Shifty isn’t just a popcorn movie, a modern day urban gun slinging western, "this is about two people, their friendship, their love for each other, it’s about something that people don’t talk about directly, male friendship and the love you have for your best mate, it wears its heart on its sleeve, its more character driven it’s like Ken Loach on crack, with guns."

References to Loach and Leigh show the class of a film that against all the odds has made it to the Box-Office by pure merit: "I mean it’s amazing that we have come to this place," says Mays, "cos when we agreed to do the film there was no distribution deal in place, you know we shot it for £100,000 in three weeks, you know every sort of job you take is a leap of faith but this more so than others. I’m totally buzzing about the fact we have got to the last hurdle, now you just want people to go and see it, you want it to get an audience because I think it’s a film that definitely deserves to be seen by a lot of people."

5. Sexy Beast (2000) A blisteringly dark comedy about crime and retribution featuring a spellbinding performance from Sir Ben Kingsley as psychopathic gangster, Sexy Beast thrust its shock paddles onto a subgenre that many thought was DOA.

4. Shaun of the Dead (2004) Over the centuries Britain has given the world a vast array of innovative and exciting inventions: the seed drill in 1701, the fax machine in 1843, the tin can in 1810 and in 2004, courtesy of Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg , the world’s first Rom Zom Com. Fast paced, funny yet warm hearted it was a huge success both critically and commercially and for a moment Britain could once again swell with pride.

3. 28 Days Later (2003)%% The other great British zombie movie, Danny Boyles’ 28 Days Later played by the rules of a well worn genre and won. It does start to go downhill a little bit towards the end but this is perhaps because nothing could ever live up to the stunning and eerie early scenes of Cillian Murphy wondering the streets an abandoned London.

2. Gosford Park 2001 Robert Altman’s only British film, Gosford Park is the late great auteur’s take on that most British of sub genre’s: the upper class murder mystery. Penned

by Julian Fellowes, the main plot is very familiar and concerns a murder that takes place during a hunting party’s stay at a country estate. The focus here is very much on character though and it is Altman’s trademark tracking shots which engage with a whole host of fascinating figures from both upstairs and downstairs in order to depict a rigid and hierarchical class system that will stick with you long after the film has ended.

1. Happy Go Lucky (2008)% A protagonist who is perpetually cheery and positive, a plot in which nothing really happens and a technique for learning to drive that uses the names of the cohorts of Lucifer as memory aids do not exactly sound like the key proponents of a masterpiece. But Mike Leigh’s 19th film is nothing less and this is largely due to a wonderful central performance by Sally Hawkins. Veering between irritating and endearing, Hawkins’ Poppy is complex, frustrating, hilarious and painfully real. She is aided by a witty but powerful script and a fantastic supporting cast particularly Eddie Marsan as Poppy’s increasingly disturbed (and disturbing) driving instructor and Alexis Zegerman as Poppy’s feisty roommate Zoe. Happy Go Lucky is an unassuming yet brave work and a great piece of British cinema.

Charles Rivington

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X-Men Origins: Wolverine Dir. Gavin Hood

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he character spin-off, long a corporate mainstay guaranteed to pull in a quick buck from a familiarised public, has an undeniably chequered, troubled history. Some, such as Frasier or the Doctor Who-spawned Torchwood, manage to match or even surpass their parent show or film in terms of both popularity and critical recognition.

Of course, for every success there’s a Joey-shaped travesty waiting in the wings: step forward Highlander: The Raven, bewilderingly translated into 48 languages to the delight of connoisseurs of crap worldwide. Unfortunately for both 20th Century Fox and Hugh Jackman, the precedent for superhero spin-offs, as represented by the diabolical onetwo of Catwoman and Elektra, falls into the second category.

The movie opens with a hectic, 300-like montage of James/Logan/Wolverine (Jackman) and Victor/Sabretooth (Liev Schreiber) massacring and raping their way through all the major conflicts of the past 150 years. After getting ‘executed’ for supposed war crimes, the pair are then drawn into the devious machinations of Colonel William Stryker (Danny Huston) and his mysterious Team X program. From there the plot is primarily concerned with ticking all the right boxes (adamantium grafting, check, memory loss, check), while vehicles blow up and people are stabbed and Jackman yells and flexes his guns. The plot itself is almost relentlessly unsurprising, but then again there’s never any real sense that surprise was the intention,

In The Loop Dir. Armando Iannucci

only that it dovetail neatly into Bryan Singer’s original. Fair enough for a summer blockbuster, but in the absence of originality and plotting, entertainment and performance must rule.

Theoretically, the film’s success, or lack of, should boil down to whether Wolverine as a character and Jackson as an actor are able to sustain a full-length feature all on their own, when so many before them have so completely failed. In the event the question is irrelevant. True, Wolverine gets considerably more screen time than in the previous films, as befits the film’s name, but this is decidedly not a character piece about Logan struggling up the job ladder of a competitive government agency, or finding himself and true love in the Canadian wilderness. This is an action film primarily concerned with mutants growling at each other menacingly and then beating each other to a pulp.

While Gavin Hood’s direction is leaner and more tightly focused than Brett Ratner’s bloated and messy attempt at X-Men: The Last Stand, it falls victim to the latter’s temptation to introduce as many new mutants as possible. The original group of X-Men, with the bizarre and pointless exception of Cyclops, is largely absent, but Stryker’s Team X is essentially its clone, distinguished only by more forgettable characters. The introduction of antiheroes Gambit (Taylor Kitsch) and Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) only reinforces the growing suspicion that Wolverine himself is now growing a bit old and stale.

But it isn’t fair to overlook what Wolverine does well. The script, while cheesy and often derivative, is clever and laugh out loud funny; the action scenes suffer from shoddy CGI and repetition, but are otherwise well-directed and as brutal as the movie’s 12A certificate will allow. There’s no particularly stellar acting on display, and Jackman is, as ever, on ripped autopilot, but even Jackman-by-numbers is charismatic and manages to seem convincingly driven. In the end, Wolverine is a bright and breezy piece of summer fluff, its potential smothered by a lazy story and a lack of real polish, but completely watchable as long as any high expectations are left firmly at home.

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David Elliott

Hannah Montana: The Movie Dir. Peter Chelsom

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A

wise man once said, “madness is rare in individuals - but in political parties, it’s the rule.” Such is the feeling behind this biting and often mad political satire from Armando Iannucci, whose creative genius has already helped produce the hilarious news spoof The Day Today and of course the repeatedly quoted Alan Partridge. However, let’s get one thing straight – The West Wing this ain’t. All dialogue is quick fire, sweary and sometimes completely improvised – there’s no need for grandiose speeches here, and, if there is, they are usually messed up by a bumbling minster or two.

That’s not to say, however, that In the Loop is not relevant to today’s world – in fact shot in its documentary style it seems scarily realistic. Scary, because if politics is really managed like this then not even Obama can save us. At a get together a general sits down with a politician to discuss the losses of soldiers if war were to occur – but having sneaked away to a child’s bedroom for privacy the only tools he has to work them out are a pink children’s Fisherprice calculator that makes less than solemn noises when pressed. A sycophantic aid packs a squash racquet in his rucksack every day just in case it finally becomes the day he is invited by a politician for a game (he never is).

Whilst the story centres loosely on real world events – the possible invasion of the Middle East by the UK and USA - this really becomes a back drop to a hilarious and often cringe-worthy sneak peek into the chaos and larger than life characters of politics.

If this all sounds familiar, the chances are you’ve seen something very like it on a smaller screen in Iannucci’s satire of the British political system The Thick of It. Fans of the series will be glad to see Peter Capaldi’s vein-popping, foul-mouthed Scotsman Malcolm Tucker rearing his demonic head again, but it is some of the never before seen characters that really shine, especially Simon Foster, an utterly useless minister played by a brilliant Tom Hollander.

This familiarity is perhaps the only thing that lets In the Loop down in the end– it sometimes feels like a feature length The Thick of It episode that has been stretched slightly too far – but all in all the witty word play and crazy characters are enough propaganda to get this reviewer’s vote.

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Laura Cress

or many people the idea of watching anything related to Hannah Montana is about as appealing as an afternoon spent sealed in a room with only a selection of the most aggressive campus geese to keep them company. However, it may be time for these people to re-examine their prejudices.

The film begins by showing us that celebrity life is going to the head of Miley Stewart/Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus). She lets her brother down, steals her best friend’s thunder and brawls with Tyra Banks over a pair of shoes. Seeing that she needs a little guidance, her father, (played by reallife dad Billy Ray Cyrus), decides that spending a couple of weeks getting back to her roots in her hometown of Crowley Corners, Tennessee would be just the thing to put her back on track.

The fairly simple fish-out-of-water plot develops several strands including subplots about a mean-spirited British tabloid journalist trying to discover Hannah Montana’s secret, a campaign by the good folk of Crowley Corners to prevent a greedy developer from turning their rustic little town into some sort of commercial centre and romances for both Miley and her father.

The film's music is probably what makes it most appealing. The movie features a wide variety of songs, not all of which are performed exclusively by the young starlet. Miley, her father and several other people, including Taylor Swift, lend their vocal talents to the film for a wide variety of songs including the enjoyable Hoedown Throw-down routine and several softer more sentimental pieces.

Despite the simplicity of the plot there are several plot holes which will annoy anybody taking the film too seriously; the fact that people seem to be fooled by nothing more than a blonde wig is exceptionally unbelievable even taking into account the film’s Tennessee setting.

All in all, Hannah Montana: The Movie is unlikely to convert people who aren’t already fans of the Disney genre but it would be a safe bet for people who were charmed by films like High School Musical and Camp Rock. It is also unlikely that this film will crack any top ten film lists but it is equally true that a place too close to the other end of the scale would be undeserved.

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Tom McDermott

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teleVISION sir alan will see you now...

TURN ON...

All together now...

Duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh duh DUH DUH DURRRRRR.....

Duh duh duh duh DAH DAH duh duh duh duh

...TURN OFF

duh DUH DUH DURRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....

Dah dah dah der duuurr DERRRRR

Mike Regan Spits out his Dummy

Dah dah dah dah dah DA DEEERRRRRR WOOOOMMMP WOOOMMP WOOMMMP..

“From across the UK ten high-earning business people who make you feel bad about being unemployed have come to London. They are all battling out for a job with Sir Alan Sugar, who has a vast property empire of £500M / £260M / £23M/ £84.50 (* delete as applicable)”.

Just in case you need to know who are the movers, the shakers and purely the idiot smarmy shit-stirrer takers, here is the tellyVision guide to the characters of The Apprentice so far. Brace yourself. Not even Adrian Chiles can save you.

James: Now James is a rather funny one. Sulky, sly and a bit of a wimp at times, it seems that James doesn’t always know where he is or who he is and what he is doing.There are moments in which he looks at the screen like a child who hasn’t been given any sweets by mother and comes out with unreplaceable lines full of childlike emotion. Yet some of my friends just purely adore him. “He’s an inspiration” says one.

“I think he’s really hot,” says another. Well, I’ve been thinking about James while watching the latest episode and I think I can now say yes... I’m going to ditch all my friends.

Yasmina: Pictured above (if you can ever gaze your eyes away from looking at Kate, pictured left). I get her confused with Debra. She's alright - a bitch, but that makes her more or less a standard Apprentice candidate. Might win, might not. I don't think many people really care.

Lorraine: Lorraine Kelly without the charm, the good looks, the intelligence, the moral eptitude and the graciousness, the quick thinking, the people skills and the sanity... but with the glasses. Lorraine Kelly should sue. (Most famous for: Moan moan moan I am Lorraine and I like to moan moan moan.)

Mona: She, I am feeling, is the forgotten one. I don’t really know what she does and where she is going apart from crying.

If she gets fired then crying is the one guaranteed thing that will happen.

The ones who got fired: Majid: Gave nibbles at a horrible event. Had spots on his back.

Margaret wept. Fired. Goodbye!

Paula: Was nice but I don’t think she will be working at Lush comestics as a product advisor anytime soon though...

Debra: The racial equality officer of The Apprentice clan, she is the “shouty shouty shouty SHOUTY SHOUTY” one. “I have Rocky: (themetune) Getting strong now. “I think the only a view AND I AM GOING TO SCREAM IT’. Debra is telling people who will be here in the end will be myself and Philip.”

Scott what to do now. “Scott can you write something nice about Trying hard now. Became team-leader by selling sandwiches, Debra please”. “Scott, put a nice picture here.” ‘No Scott I don’t the thing he actually does for a living - what a treat. Getting want it like that I want it like this.” “You! Film Section, change strrrooonnnng. Sttrrrrrooooonnyggg. Strronnnngggg. And the your star rating for X-Men and actually interview someone result: Fired. (Most famous for: Well, selling sandwiches and famous for a change.” “Lifestyle: sort it out." “Sport you disgust then getting fired during a sandwich-selling task.) me.” “Shut up travel.” “Screw you Sketch I don’t like that headline.” “No no no no no I am Debra and I am going to tell you what to do... I AM DEBRA AND I WANT IT THIS WAY”. “SHUT UP NOORUL”. “No Scott don’t PAULA: WAS NICE BUT I DON'T THINK WILL BE WORKING AT LUSH cut me off in this paragraph and start on Howard... no Scott don’t stop talking about me and COSMETICS AS A PRODUCT ADVISOR ANY TIME SOON THOUGH........ start on...”

Howard: Won’t win. Next...

Philip: Oh haven’t you heard he is amazing. He's like God in human form. Oh wait... no, he's telling Howard what to do about that packaging. He's a knob, a knob I tell you but wait... he is wooing Kate and they are straightening each other’s hair oh that’s nice. NO! WAIT! he is now starting a fight with Ben because they have decided to go for a green powerpoint presentation profile and not black. I think by keen editing the entire nation is being manipulated by the producers of the show to either love him, shag him or throw him off a cliff. May win, you may be happy... if that’s what the producers want you to think.

(He'll be famous for his embarrasing attempt at everything creative and, in the music studio, attempting to be like Bono.)

Kate: The blonde, not a blonde, Kate has been popular with the other housemates - and I admit she hasn’t been that bad at setting tasks and making a dollar. Okay she does probably uses half the National Grid for straightening her hair but the 1st class honour pshycololololololology student has got some potential, that’s for sure. (Most famous for: Main picture. On the right.)

Ben: “To me making money is better than sex.” Well he isn’t having one thing that’s for sure. Arrogant prick. He thinks that he is a stud when it's rather flab than fab. His braces defy Karl Marx and the theory of technological determinism but I have a feeling that he is bound to go far and head straight for the final.

He is most famous for stating that he got a scholarship from Sandhurst. Philip asks “Did you go?” And his response: “No.”

And now I behold to you the ones who got fired and should be shot out of a cannon: Anita Sha: SHE’S THE SULKY ONE WHO NEVER SMILES… THE SULKY ONE WHO NEVER SMILES LADIES AND GENTLEMEN (Most famous for: being the first one being kicked out. Asked what a duster was. Never realised businesses are actually supposed to make a profit. Fired.)

Kimberly: Now working for Kelloggs, the rough tough cream puff pit nuff kim luff snuff snuff was most famous for speaking in an American accent. And that's about it. Well done Americans. You are nice.

Noorul: Um.......... errr...... guys.... um.... well er...... um errrrrrrrr... wellll ............................um I think..... well er er er .... well... yeh.... I’ll ring you back.

But truly for me, the ones who should win, and should always win, and I think are winners with each and every episode is Nick and Margaret. I swear that during the programme they don't assess the candidates in order to report back to Siralan, they just spend hours and hours thinking of a perfect line to say at a perfect moment...

Anyway, I’ll leave it with you…

SCOTT BRYAN

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here is a slot of television on a Saturday or Sunday evening that television programmers have cruelly labelled “Dummy hour.” It’s the point during the day when thick people are allowed to switch on to an hour of television that is free from such confusing traits as intelligence, inventiveness and wit.

In this hour, the easily-pleased may flick freely from channel to channel without being nonplussed by big words, jokes or Evan Davies’ eyes. The epitome of this is Beat the Star. The premise of the show is that one member of the public (normally incapable of forming a sentence) takes on a ‘celebrity’ (also incapable of words) in a series of purile challenges. Each challenge is worth a different number of points, and the competitor with the most points at the end of the show wins £50,000.

In the episode prior to my writing of this article, Sarah (probably unemployed) took on the crocked former Wimbledon Champion Martina Hingis (definitely unemployed). What ensued was the most cheap, tacky hour of television that Vernon Kay has presented yet.

As if watching the pair flop over a high jump bar set at the height of my knee or guessing the age of a chubby American taxi driver were not enough for the delighted pleb, the final challenge bought a nail-biting climax. With the match delicately poised the competitors approached their epic final task - dropping peas into a jar. Complete with in depth, frozen vegetablebased analysis from Tony Gubba, millions of slobs watched the non-famous one triumph with two expertly placed pea drops.

Yet for such a load of tat, the premise of the show confuses me. Why is beating a ‘star’ at a series of tasks in which they have no expertise or advantage, worth making a television show out of. It's hardly a tale of thunderdog beating the athlete like Gladiators. It is in fact the most shameless example of the bizarre reverence with which vaguely recognisable names continue to be treated.

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GAMES Unnerved, Unhinged and Undead Rob Sienkiewicz tests out this latest instalement in the unending battle against the zombie hordes from Capcon. ing becomes difficult if you don’t.

You can’t have a Resident Evil game without a ‘bad movie’ story and Resident Evil 5 is no exception.

Cheesy lines, stupidly huge sloppy monsters and cutscenes that scream “we just watched The Matrix!” are all there, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It’s clear the huge budget didn’t go towards a script writer, so where did it go? One look gives it away, graphics!

Resident Evil 5 looks amazing.

Everything from the tentacles spewing from a zombie’s neck to the main character’s massive biceps (as big as his head) is displayed brilliantly making this one of the best looking games of this console generation.

If you have someone willing to play through it with you, or if you’re a fan of RE4, it’s hard not to recommend this game.

A

fter the very well-received Resident Evil 4, Capcom knew they were onto a winner with the new action-oriented direction of the series. The 5th installment embraces everything that made Resident Evil 4 so unique, however with the advances in third person shooter released in the last few years this resulted in a rather stale gaming experience. There is one new thing though: co-op play.

The entire game is played with two characters and, though the AI partner may cause severe frustration, the game really comes into its own when you take on the hordes of zombies with a friend.

Unlike most co-operative games, where you can largely ignore the other player and go do your own thing. Resident Evil 5 has you working as a team and progress-

Killzone 2 (PS2)

Craddock's%Classic - Metal Gear Solid (PS)

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o put it bluntly, this is not a video game. This is an action movie with so many plot twists and revelations that the player is always wondering what to expect next. One moment you are going hand to hand with a Cyborg ninja then you find yourself locked in combat with a psychokinesis expert, who can control your every move. These daunting bosses and the spectacular level Alaskan level all culminate to make this a great game. However it is the main character himself that pushes this game into one of the all time classics.

Solid Snake is, without a shadow of a doubt, one of the greatest heroes ever to bless our video games. Compared to him, other greats like Mario, Link and the Master Chief seem like The Flash. They’re good but there simply not a Superman or Batman.

To try and explain the details of this game would require most of the newspaper, so I shall try to summarise this incredible plot into a few sentences. Snake is sent to a nuclear disposal facility on the island called Shadow Moses where a renegade special unit called FOXHOUND has taken over the island, taking prisoners. Snake's mission can hardly be called simple. He has to free two of the main hostages, confront the terrorists and stop them before they unleash nuclear devastation upon the west.

While doing this he has to face some of the greatest computer bosses in the form of an Alaskan hulk, a revolver wielding Russian, a wolf loving Serbian sniper, his identical twin and then finally his greatest enemy of all Metal Gear itself.

K

illzone 2 is a First Person Shooter developed by Guerrilla Games for the PS3 and is the second game in the series excluding Killzone Liberation.

Killzone 2’s story continues straight after the victory on the planet Vekta from the Helghast (the bad guys) in the first game and it’s now time for the assault on their home planet. You take on the role of Sergeant Sevchenko, a soldier in the ISA (Interplanetary Strategic Alliance).

The gameplay is like your standard FPS, you see an enemy, you shoot, but this game adds a unique first person cover system, and has some of the best AI ever,the enemy can flank you, flush you out of cover and cover themselves.

The graphics are stunning in this game; running on a native 1080i resolution and 30fps and the opening CGI is creates an eeriness worhy of any hollywood blackbuster.

There is also a multiplayer mode which allows for 32 player online warfares and with a class system for you to improve in, there is definitely plenty of replayability.

Overall, Killzone 2 has the whole package for any FPS butthere really isn’t anything revolutionary, however this is still a greatgame and a definite for any FPS lover.

Chris Craddock Want to write about games? Email vision@yusu.org!

Chun Chi Yau

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it 'AINT LIKE IT USED TO BE

Samantha Cowley discusses her misguided fantasies of university life with acclaimed author David Nicholls.

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efore I started at university I had romantic ideals for the place. I believed it to be the perfect environment to transform my political disaffection into socialist zeal. I would suit black clothing, headware and discover my love of all things fair trade. What happened in actual fact was that I learnt how to swallow vodka vimto and how to justify missing a 9.15, but I always wondered where this fantasy came from. According to author and screenwriter David Nicholls, it’s from the 1980s. l e v o test n Starter for 10, Nicholls’s nostalholls’s la ne. ic N id v a D t in Ju u o gic novel about love, life, Thatcher is y a One D and University Challenge is, as he admits, somewhat of a Period Novel. As with many début novels Starter for 10 is partly autobiographical and with Nicholls having attended Bristol when most of us were still failing to support our own heads I’m inclined to agree. What remains the same however is the ‘high emotion, the potential for romance and comedy’. Like his hero Brian, Nicholls admits to being a ‘disastrous student’ who made some ‘awful faux pas’, but he cannot deny the note of fondness that creeps into his voice when he talks to me of his student days. Perhaps it’s the writer in him, but Nicholls seems to have created a clearly defined stage on which his University memories are played out or maybe it is, as he says, because, politically, the 1980s was just simpler.

‘When I went to University’ Nicholls proclaims with an ‘in my day’ inflection, ‘Britain was ridiculously, cartoonishly Right Wing, it was easy to hate. Politics was black and white so I had a clear cut ideology to hold onto’ I breathe a sigh or relief that he’s not going to berate me for not attending last term’s Amnesty demonstration. ‘ I think today the issues are more divers and so it’s hard to be vocal. Environmentalism was just a fringe issue when I was a student and the whole country was obsessed with the key issues of unionism and the welfare state.’ As he mentions these issues I’m reminded just how long ago politically the 1980s actually is.

However although circumstances do undeniably change Nicholls reckons that the ‘human element stays the same’ of which surely activism is one.

He points to the G20 summit, which saw a mix of people flood London’s financial district for a variety of reasons. ‘The anger is still there’ he says sounding relieved that the Noughties aren’t so far from his eighties, ‘it’s just not divided along ideological lines.’

With our individual rights to be students (past and present!) preserved we move onto disussing his actual work. Nicholls himself wrote the screenplay for the film adaptation of Starter for 10 which starred James McAvoy and Rebecca Hall. When I ask him to choose his favourite he coyly suggests that the book is both funnier and sadder, as it allows the reader to access Brian’s head. Of course he quickly assures me that he loved the film, especially the performances of Hall and McAvoy. Snapping out of publicity

david

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Slumdog Millionaire vikas swarup

£7.99

Black swan

Emily Labram

mode Nicholls seems at his most passionate when talking directly about his work. He admits that the ‘idea of someone tinkering with [Starter for 10] made me anxious’ but that it was also a chance to have another go and was actually a pleasurable revisiting. In opposition to my personal view he suggests that the film’s plotting is better and more streamlined, however I am willing to accept that Nicholls knows best.

Nicholls is no stranger to adaptation. He was involved in the writing of the immensely successful TV series Cold Feet and more recently was responsible for the BBC’s 2008 adaptation of Tess of the D’Urbervilles. The series, which achieved a fair amount of critical acclaim, is a testament to Nicholls’s skill at adaptation given the immense responsibility to produce a faithful adaptation of a book loved by so many people. This responsibility seems to hinder Nicholls’s enjoyment of his work however, stating plainly that although ‘easier’ it is also more ‘intellectual and cerebral’. ‘With a book it is all my fault and all my achievements’ he smiles but then goes onto to talk about the pleasure of seeing ‘actors and directors improve what you’ve written’ and the excitement ‘of going on set and seeing actors speak your words’. With an air of mischievous glee he recounts how the BBC had to hire an incredibly expensive rain machine for Tess all because he wantonly typed the words ‘it’s raining’ on a rainy work day in London.

As our conversation draws to a close Nicholls, ever the activist, has a word to say about the BBC. In response to my question about The Wire’s Dominic West’s condemnation of British TV he becomes incredibly animated declaring that right wing cynics who decry the license fee should be forced to watch twelve hours of HBO and experience programming and advertising at its most boring and its worst. ‘Forty million Americans are not watching The Wire’, he points out with a touch of smug finality ‘they’re watching American idol.’

samantha cowley

slumdog millionaire ni-

nyone who claims not to have heard of Slumdog Millionaire by now must have been half-asleep for the past six months. Danny Boyle’s Oscar-winning filmabout the lucky tiffin boy from Mumbai has been raved about ubiquitously, and with good reason - it was a wonderful movie, and a welcome burst of optimism in these times of financial chaos and gloom.

Unbeknown to most enthusiastic cinema-goers however is the film's literary roots.

Slumdog-the-book was the brainchild and debut novel of Vikas Swarup, a high-flying Indian diplomat. The essential plotline is the same as the film: boy, girl, quiz show, interrogation.

However, there are many major differences. The name of the hero is the most striking change: Swarup’s orphan boy is called Ram Mohammed Thomas. Ram is motherless and brotherless, unlike Jamal of the film. There is no Latika - instead, Ram falls in love with a young prostitute in Agra, who plays a less pivotal role in the story. There is a host of new characters to enjoy, however. In the turbulent path through childhood, Ram encounters a benevolent Irishpriest, an alcoholic Astronomy lecturer, a family of Australian ex-pats, several Bollywood actors, a contract killer, and many more colourfulcharacters that never made it past the drawing-board in the Beaufoy screenplay.

There is the same vibrancy in Swarup’s novel as there is in the film, despite the persistent grimness of Ram’s adventures. The first-person narrative makes it difficult to envisage Ram and identify with him, but this is a deliberate move on

Swarup’s part. Instead of being a Muslim child orphaned by Hindu rioters, Ram is less controversial - an Indian everyman. Whereas the film narrates chronologically, unspooling Jamal’s life like a reel of thread, the book hops backwards and forwards in time. This is disconcerting at first, but becomes more engaging when the pieces of the jigsaw begin to slot together.

Vikas Swarup has acknowledged that he’s ‘not one of those writers who wants to spend four pages describing a sunrise.’ His terse, economical narrative certainly keeps the pages turning briskly, but the prose itself falls rather flat. Slumdog Millionaire has the feel of a novel written too quickly - hammered out in the stolen moments between plane journeys and meetings with the Pakistani High Commissioner. In some ways, the film packs more of a punch; I remember the tension building almost unbearably - for example, when Lakita dashes towards the ringing phone to answer Jamal’s final question. With so many characters and so many subplots, it is impossible for Swarup to achieve the same emotional climax.

And the ending? Well, far be it from me to spoil it, but there are a few twists that Danny Boyle’s ruthless chopping precluded from the film. All things considered, I would strongly recommend this book to anyone who fell in love with the film. The sheer number of additional characters and episodes make for a more comprehensive picture of Indian slum life. However, don’t expect a similar degree emotional intensity from the book; it is less of a rollercoaster ride - a more reflective, perhaps diluted version of the slumdog story.

SPOTLIGHT

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take 5... war novels

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e.

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College Culture

LISTINGS

What Not To Miss...

5 Sisters Art Installation Artists Emma Biggs and Mathew Collings present an installation of oil paintings and a huge mosaic inspired by the stained glass in the Minster, crafted from over 6000 shards of medieval pottery made available to them by York Art Gallery, and covering the entire church floor.

York St Mary's 23rd May to 1st November Admission is Free

York Carnival The student run event sees a mainstage in Parliament Street, marquee, parade and acoustic stage in Kings Square. Go along, watch the 'Going Global' themed parade and soak up the carnival atmosphere. Entertainment and activities range from music, to poetry, to henna hand painti, and you can even support our very own Drama Soc., Dance Soc. and Opera Soc., who will be performing.

...once again we return to the University of Spork, as we explore the land of Zalcuin

Settled up in the feathery heights of the most northern tip of the University of Spork lies the enchanted land of Zalcuin. With its arching marble battlements and fierce metallic spires this small but significant college may seem in fear of a constant attack.

In fact the peaceful Zalcuiners merely wish to protect their state of the art toilets and self lighting corridors against any evil spirits that may desire to enslave their close knit community. However all is not well in this serene land as the college unwittingly exists under an enchanted spell that envelopes the shiny granite fortress in an impenetrable bubble. Thus, the Zalcuiners have been held in their transparent prison for over a millennia, even the goblin scientists (with brains the size of cauldrons) from the lush green agricultural estate over the road cannot figure out this mystical conundrum.

However, the Zalcuiners seem to be unaware of their current state of enchantment, as since the spell was cast they have yet to eny attempt to venture deeper into the heart of Spork. It is only when it comes to their annual events in the mead hall of B Henrys that they wonder why no other colleges enter their realm any more.

Jennifer McLarney

Silent disco!

The ever popular Silent Disco returns. Ear phone's at the ready and the the choice is yours, flip between two DJs, Up the Racket or Popaganda. Get there early, its, always a busy one!

The Duchess 21st May, 10.30 - 3.00am £5.00 entry

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Chicago S

ex, music and humour are what you expect from the classic jailhouse musical Chicago. Drawn into the show-biz underworld of 1920s prohibition America, this Kander and Ebb satire based its tongue-in-cheek story on the real lives of female ‘celebrity criminals’. However these are not drear downtrodden inmates, these are seductive divas of the stage that dance and sing their way through three hours of jazzy goodness.

When going to see Chicago on stage it may surprise some to know that the layout, scene and costumes are completely different to the film version that was so successful in 2002. Obviously a film can achieve various effects far easier than live shows but the differences here are quite extreme. Firstly, the orchestra, instead of being usually hidden under the stage was placed firmly in the centre of the action on a tiered platform, lit up from top to bottom. It was clear that the orchestra was the leading role in this musical, and they definitely pulled out all the stops, playing each piece with gusto as well as including a cheeky dance move now and then. Secondly, there is no real scene change, the acting and dancing happen in front of the orchestra. The only sort of scenery apart from the occasional tinsel backdrop was two ladders that

"When Jimmy Osmond smiles his way onto stake there is a hint of disapponintment " swung out either side of the stage where Velma or Roxie perform various numbers as they sexily clamber up the rungs. There were also no costume changes as black opaque chemises, tightly drawn corsets and skimpy leather numbers were kept on the whole show; obvious necessities for that seedy sparkle of jazz.

These differences may disappoint those who enjoy such musicals as Spamalot and Mary Poppins where the grandeur of bright detailed costumes and dramatic scene changes are a feast for the eye. However, the minimalist nature of the stage demonstrates far more what the musical is about...the music. With five more songs than the film version, a musical extravaganza certainly was achieved, especially as songs such as ‘Class’ and ‘A Little Bit of Good’ added that extra comical tinge. Emma Barton, most famous as Honey Mitchell from Eastenders, brought the sassy murderess Roxie Hart to life, especially through her energetic performance of the long but impressive song ‘Roxie’. While the relatively inexperienced Twinnie

Lee-Moore played the all too experienced Vera; she nevertheless captivated the audience not only with her complex fast paced dance routines but also through her striking presentation of the famous ‘Cell Block Tango’. Her charismatic character takes the limelight as she fiercely led the other girls through each tale of seduction and murder. However, when Jimmy Osmond smiles his way onto stage, there is a hint of disappointment in the air as the cheeky chappy remembered from the hit song ‘Long Haired Lover from Liverpool’ still lingers on stage. His silver tongued manipulative character Billy Flynne seems to have been left on screen with that all singing, all dancing, silver fox Richard Gere.

At face value the York Theatre Royal’s presentation of Chicago (the 2009 UK tour) can be seen to be too basic, with the musical stripped of its costumes and scenery, it may seem that ‘razzle dazzle’ is missing.

However the chic, minimalist nature of the show only added to its sexiness, while the cast and orchestra contributed to a vivacious, enthralling show that certainly sparkled with all that jazz.

Jennifer McLarney

For those of you who can never be bothered to take out the rubbish, I have a brilliant piece of news.

Procrastinate for long enough and your litter may make you some money.

It worked for Robert Opie, who has been collecting old food packaging, tins, washing up bottles, games, posters, and so on for many decades. He is a human hoover of our rubbish, except instead of disposing of it, he has set up a shrine to over a century of advertising, and packaging, the Museum of Brands, in Notting Hill, London. This is the Mecca of the mass produced world, perfect for the many Britons who in times of doubt turn not to God but to their favourite chocolate bar.

While the concept of looking at (and paying to see) our own garbage may be a hard sell, it is in fact a fascinating trip down memory lane, and beyond. With the 150th anniversary of Darwin’s ‘Origin of Species’ wrapping up the world in debate

over human evolution, it is a refreshing break to instead look at the evolution of the Kit-Kat wrapper. And who would have known that soft drinks used to come in tins, just like Baked Beans, before the pull-cap can was invented?

I have a few warnings for potential visitors. You will get hungry. I found it was best to think not of the idea of what I was seeing, but the actual products, happily decaying for fifty years inside their packaging. You will also get sentimental. For who cannot stop themselves shedding a tear, and thinking of happier days at the sight of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles confectionary? And so if you will excuse me, I will spend some time now scouring the internet for Spice Girls Chupa Chups.

Hugh Salway

SPOTLIGHT

MUSIC

FILM

TV

GAMES

BOOKS

CULTURE

Worth the trip!

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Have fun kids, from Andy and Sam

Campus Its big, its back, and this time, its right on your doorstep!

Yes, preparation for the sporting war that is Roses starts on Friday 8th May (Week 2). This massively competitive weekend kick starts with the Roses Revolt, which begins at 6pm in the Courtyard. Here you will collect your brand-spankingly new, one of a kind, LIMITED EDITION ROSES 2009 TSHIRT. The ingenious Roses crew have even included a map of campus on the t-shirts in order to direct you to the various campus bars, where there will be entertainment and, of course, beer. All this fun can be yours for just £8, plus a £0.50 booking fee charge. With only 250 tickets available for a night of entertainment, t-shirts and beer, buy your tickets sooner rather than later.

But that’s not all! Rave of the Roses takes place the very next day on Saturday 9th May (Week 2 again), and promises to be quite special. Vanbrugh Hall and the Courtyard are teaming up to give you a double dose of live music and good times.

Vanbrugh provides the starter featuring live music and DJ’s, and then the main course is served at the Courtyard where you will enjoy a live DJ set by the Bodyrox! Tickets cost £12, plus a £0.75 booking fee. As there are only 109 tickets available, I suggest those who are partial to good music, cheap beer and celebrating York Uni’s magnificence, get their tickets rather quickish.

beyond...

Graham Coxon is taking some well earned time away from Blur in order to come to York!

Headlining major festivals can take it out of a fella, so Coxon has decided to take a break by promoting his new solo album “The Spinning Top” in that quiet, relaxed venue we all know as Fibbers. The album is released in May and follows a narrative of a man from life to death. Tickets are £15 on the door, or £12.50 in advance. Having already played to sell out crowds twice before in Fibbers, don’t leave it too late to get your tickets. www.fibbers.co.uk

Laughter is good for you. Fact.

On the 11th of May (week3) York Opera House hosts its seventh comedy night of the year, offering four professional comics for the temptingly low price of just a fiver (with NUS). That’s pretty much the same price as a YUSU comedy night, but seems just a little more professional in the setting of a real theatre. After exams you might just be in need of a laugh to forget it all, so why not give these standup gentlemen a try? £5 with NUS £10 without.

www.yorktheatreroyal.co.uk

If you fancy going that little bit further afield for something that little bit different, then the Cockpit is the place for you. Located in the heart of Leeds, the Cockpit is a brilliant venue for up-and-coming new bands. Dear Reader are a South African band whose music consists of both acoustic ballads and electronic loop experiments.

Playing on Tuesday 12th May and tickets being a miniscule £5 on the door, Dear Reader we offer the opportunity to listen to music which is slightly different.

www.yusu,org.uk has a list of event times and dates of all YUSU events.

Continuing on a similar theme, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, has got X-Men fans everywhere talking. A star-studded cast including Hugh Jackman, Will. i. am, Lynn Collins and Ryan Reynolds, portray Wolverine’s violent and haunted past, his involvement in the ominous Weapon X programme and most importantly, how he got such great hair.

With surprise appearances from several legends from the X-Men world, this film serves to introduce the first X-Men film brilliantly. Showing at numerous times, this will most certainly be worth a student price of just under £5.00 www.myvue.com

Whilst trawling through the listings pages of Leeds (for your benefit of course!) I have come across many a gem of an event, some of which have looked so good I have kept them to myself! However, this one i had to spill the beans on, a Roller Disco! If you do not find the idea hilarious in a retro kind of way then go and get both a sense of humour and a pair of roller-skates and check it out.

Even if, like me, you tend to look like Bambi on ice, and come out with a few bruises at the skating rink, I still urge you to give this one a go and boogie like its 1979! Its on Friday the 22nd of May at Victoria Works in Leeds! www.victoriaworks.co.uk

at the pictures Trekkies of all shapes and sizes, get ready…. The new Star Trek film is out on the 7th May, and has the potential to deliver exactly what we have come to expect from Star Trek films... action, comedy, and one hell of a lot of space. With a cast including Eric Bana, Simon Pegg, Winona Ryder and Chris Pine, it tells the tale of how James Kirk meets his future crew just as the world is under alien threat. Not only is this quite handy, but also gives people a chance to see how the most famous space buddies, Jim and Spock, became pals.

Showing at numerous times for a student price of £5.30, this film promises to be out of this world.

LISTINGS

www.thecockpit.co.uk

Guaranteed to be more fun than a 3 hour essay exam!

Scene is:

Scene Editor: Andrew Nichols Music Editor: Joe McDermott & Hollie Price Music Deputy: Kate Missenden Film Editor: Tom McDermott & Charles Rivington Film Deputies: Laura Cress & David Elliott TV Editor: Scott Bryan Games Editor: Chris Craddock Games Deputies: Rob Sienkiwicz & Anton Ramsden

Books Editor: Jenny Keogh Books Deputy: Victoria Lovegreen Culture Editor: Jenny McLarney Culture Deputy: Emily Burnwin Listings Editors: Sam Bates & Andy Henrick