Freshers mag

F R E S H October 2013

"I never set out to

be a

role model" WRETCH 32

CHATS EXCLUSIVELY TO VISION

DR.

CHRISTIAN

JESSEN

THE INFAMOUS

YORK VISION

The celebrity doctor on how to survive university and stay healthy

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A VERY IMPORTANT note from the Editor Hello there! Welcome to Fresh, the freshers magazine brought to you by York Vision! York Vision is the UK’s most award-winning student newspaper, and we’re proud to be the newspaper that brings you all the latest news and gossip from around campus.

We’ve been working away all summer to bring you a slice of university life within these magazine covers, so to that end we’ve brought you health tips from Dr. Christian Jessen, a guide to campus stereotypes with Shitty Watercolour and an interview with Wretch 32 - among loads of other tips and advice for surviving your time at university, as well as loads of vouchers and discounts to help you spend that first installment of your loan responsibly!

Joanna Barrow - Editor

Besides wanting to give you a big York Vision welcome to uni, we wanted to use this magazine to showcase the kinds of things you can get involved in with us. We’ve got comment pieces, lifestyle articles, interviews - everything but the news! And if you want that, you’ll have to wait until our issue comes out on Tuesday 1st. Find it everywhere on campus, and don’t forget to come and see us at Freshers fair - we’re excited to meet you! Patrick Greenfield, Managing Director We’ve just been nominated for Guardian Student Publication of the year - an award we’ve already won five times - more than any other paper in the country!

Contributors So, what exactly is York Vision? We’re the University of York’s best student newspaper. We publish three issues a term, brimming with news, gossip, sport and lifestyle. We’re a tabloid, which means that although we take quality journalism seriously, we don’t take ourselves that seriously - so you won’t find us writing long boring lists of data, or attempting to compete with national newspapers when it comes to writing news. We are unashamedly written for students, by students.

Tracey Akamaguna Tom Armston-Clarke Milo Boyd Sarah Cattle Michael Cooper Tom Davies Alex Finnis Helena Horton Helena Kealey

If you’re interested in being a part of Vision, drop us an email at vision@yusu.org, find us on facebook or follow us @YorkVision on twitter - we’d love to have you involved!

Photographer Jack Western

YORK VISION

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Your first day at university Sarah Cattle talks you through how to get through that first all important day at uni

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ou think you know all there is to know about university, little fresher. Your older siblings will have raved on about the freedom, and your school friends, who will have probably started weeks ago, will have clogged up your newsfeeds with pictures of them grinning in onesies for the past month; you’ll have exhaustively googled every aspect of Uni life in the meantime, and your parents are likely to have told you that your university years are quite simply the best of your life. As a seasoned third year, I can confirm from experience your parents were probably right about this one.

With all these concepts of your ‘uni life’ swimming around your head, you’ll want to get off on the right foot with it, probably by convincing your flatmates that you were ‘cool’ at school, and yourself that you’ll work harder than you did in sixth form (unlikely). And planning to get to know your new home city, or at least what it looks like past 10pm.

This is a brief guide aiming to inform you on what to expect from your first full day at university.

Most of you, unless you’re a more sensible breed of fresher, will wake up with a hangover like you’ve never experienced before, in a bed that just doesn’t feel right. With any luck you’ll wake up in your own room, and at least partly remember the night before.

Pull yourself together, make the effort to crawl out of your hangover den and offer round some bacon

YORK VISION

(vegetarian options probably available) sandwiches from the groceries you convinced your parents to buy you. What better way to bond than over sharing embarrassing stories from the night before over breakfast.

It’s likely you’ll have some timetabled activities with your STYCS (second and third year contacts – they took you out the night before, remember?) and if you’re really unlucky a few introductory lectures. The activities are usually things like taking you fancy dress shopping in town, and to Costcutter, the university’s supermarket which really doesn’t live up to its name. Make the most out of your STYCs; grill them for their knowledge, and don’t be afraid talk to them if you have any problems. As for the lectures, don’t beat yourself up too much if you miss them or fall asleep.

Once you’ve given your flatmates a love potion in the form of bacon, you should be getting on pretty well. If you slept in too long to do so, go speak to everyone in the vicinity - and I mean everyone. You never know who could be your next best friend. Freshers is the one chance in your life you can be relatively socially over enthusiastic without it being weird. Use your time wisely, and think of some good conversation starters, as “What did you do for A-Levels?”

“Where are you from?” and “What’re you studying?” get pretty tedious after a while.

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Halls Survival Guide

Tom Davies’

body will object. You’ll know who on the first day, it will be the person who turns up with two graters and a hot stone grill and is still enjoying If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve cho- Duck a L’Orange midway through Easter term sen to join us here at the University of York, while you eat cold kidney beans out of the can. the UK’s top “young” University, notorious The next thing you should do is go to the Oxbridge dumping ground and brutalist, ar- nearest mirror. Take a good hard look at yourchitectural monstrosity. I’m sorry we couldn’t self. Done? Good. Now carry on reading. arrange an elaborate, Shawshank RedemptionYou may be wondering what that was all esque welcome for you where we stand behind about. Well, it’s quite simple really. It’s imporchain link fences and chant “Fresh fish, fresh tant you have a moment to remember what fish” as you arrive. I broached the idea but ap- you used to look like, because by the end of the parently, it might have given out the wrong year, well, you won’t look like that. impression.

Take myself, still trying to work off my worHalls will no doubt be where the vast ma- ryingly pronounced double chin and the beer jority of you will spend this year. You’ll presum- gut I’m fairly sure I lacked last year, made all ably have heard all the halls clichés by now. the more difficult by the other gifts that halls But I’m here to tell you some stuff you prob- bestowed upon me, namely a poor sleeping ably haven’t heard, serving as your guide to the pattern and work ethic from one of those 90s murky underbelly of society that we call a Halls Kevin Smith stoner comedies. You may wish to of Residence. curb this onslaught throughout the year by utiNow I’ll assume that you know what living lising the University’s many gym facilities, but in halls broadly entails but just in case, you’re sadly you’ll probably be doing little more than going to be spending the next slowing the advance of the ever beckyear in a glorified open prison with Some of your oning chub, and let me assure you, as many as 20 people from wildly flat mates may, one innocent smoothie a fortnight in fact, have different backgrounds, living away makes little material difference. less in common from their parents for the first Finally, there is a certain temptawith you than time. Most likely you’ll love it, but tion, particularly early on, to make the average be prepared to see tears, other your flat a sort of surrogate family to tortoise. people’s vomit and some truly epic replace the one you’ve “lost.” This is bust ups. all very well and good at first, but it First things first, write off every single piece is important to remember that it’s not techniof crockery you own. Spread it all out on the cally true. Some of your flat mates may, in fact, floor and kill whatever emotional attachment have less in common with you than the average you had to any of it, because you’re going to tortoise, and they really don’t “have” to like you lose about half of it over the course of the like my own mother maintains she does. year. This is completely unavoidable, it just is.

Luckily the rules for getting along are rathIf you’re the sort of person that is bothered by er simple: avoid religion, politics and most imunexplained breakages, you’re going to have portantly (I really can’t stress this enough) try to make it un-bother you pretty sharpish, be- and avoid sleeping with anyone you have to sit cause it’s happening. My advice? Just assume across the table from at breakfast every mornanything you bring into the kitchen on the first ing. day isn’t coming back for summer.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I promised no clichés, Of course, when people start losing their but you’re not going to listen- no one ever stuff, they’re going to start using yours, and does. yes sometimes they won’t wash up. This is also inevitable, so try and relax about it. Of course, you might think to communalise all of the kitchenware and ensure everyone does their fair share of washing up, but you won’t, some-

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CAMPUS STEREOTYPES with Shitty Watercolour breed is hard to miss around JOCK This campus as they don’t attempt

to camouflage like others do. They are rarely seen alone, but almost always in a pack of ‘lads’ the term for two or more. Uniquely, this species is all male and scientists have decided that they reproduce asexually through cloning, which explains their homogenous appearance and puerile sense of humour. They only come out of hibernation one day a week- Wednesdays where they engage in an ultimately futile mating ritual involving pointless displays of aggression. Fuelled on Snakebite and testosterone, they should not be approached alone.

FAUXBRIDGE The failed Oxbridge applicant is a subspecies of Rah that is particularly affected by their inability to answer arbitrary philosophical questions in oak-panelled rooms varnished with the tears of common people. Identifiable primarily by the huge chip on their shoulder, their insistence on reenacting scenes from Brideshead Revisited, and by the apparently endless amounts of money that their parents bestow on them to assuage their misery at only going to York. They are unlikely to approach you, due to an innate fear of common people.

quiet library LIBRARYThe Geek survives on basic staple diet of coffee, GEEK avending machine produce

and very little sleep. They spend almost all of their time cocooned in the darkest corners of the library and social interaction only happes rarely. Avoid them during their work season (lasting for twelve months of the year) as they bristle with a nervous energy induced by caffeine and impending deadlines.

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creatures are born underground and only HIPSTER These occasionally venture out into daylight. Their population is growing in size due to their migration away from Leeds, Manchester and other “Hip” areas. This once lesser spotted breed are now easily spotted around campus; smoking roll-ups outside the library discussing music nobody has ever heard of, wearing their skin tight jeans and ironically expensive working boots. They resist easy categorisation so many breeds of Hipster exist: depicted here (left) is the Thespster, found lurking in dark corners of the drama barn.

has become FEMI- York a hub for this species, who mihere during NINJAS grate the Autumn following a summer of living in a comfortable middle class climate in the southern areas of England. They are easy to spot, often identified by their half shaven head, Dr Martins and uncoordinated clothing, although they are nocturnal animals because they hate The Sun. If you are not one of their kind, pay close attention to how you approach them because they can be aggressive due to their repression by the patriarchal society.

This animal can be YUSU spotted anywhere on campus, but with amorfeatures that purWANNABE phous port to be ‘everyman’ they can be very difficult to spot at first. This species of animal gathers in small groups, only with their fellow YUSU wannabes, usually in the comfort of JCR meetings. They are a devious animals, with forced grins and a soundbite for every occasion, and should never be trusted. Not to be confused with Collegionnaires, who attempt the same thing but within the most smaller, more inconsequential space of their own college.

by Tom A-C and Jo Barrow

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JW Michael Cooper comment@yorkvision.co.uk

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niversity has been a rite of passage for most intellectuals in this country and round the word for hundreds of years. There are a few individuals where this is not the case but by and large university is where writers, journalists, academics and pubic intellectuals learn to debate, write, challenge, and most importantly be challenged.

In this country during the last twenty years there has been a massive change in what we expect from a university education; for the first time we expect it to make one employable. Now on the surface this doesn’t seem like a bad thing, surely we all intend to have jobs eventually? Well this may be the case but university was never intended to be an academy for employability – it has always been mainly a place for intellectual development.

So once these increased pressures for employability arise and university submits to them, the nature of a degree course changes. More focus is given to ‘workplace skills’ and career focused learning. This is an issue, when these goals are embraced then purpose of university as a place for developing new innovative minds that can see the world in different ways is inhibited – because the whole nature of the workplace is about learning to do things in a certain way I feel these two aims cannot happily coexist.

So what can we do about it? I think predominantly a lot of this can be solved by us as students. If you are at university doing a certain degree because you think it will be good for getting a job then perhaps you need to rethink about how to get the most out of uni. If you have a job in mind why can’t you do a degree in which you have an actual intellectual interest? These questions are key if we want university to make people thinking beings.

Coming to university dwelling on what you are getting out of it materially in the long term stifles intellectual development in the short term. If everyone taking a politics degree is thinking about how the degree will be useful in the jobs market and not about the material they are studying then where will the talented academics that can move the field forward come from? And moreover, won’t the next generations of lawyers, politicians and journalists be stuck in a mentality which has taught them to not question the dogmas of their professions and work to remove these restrictions rather than be doomed to work within them.

Of course I’m not saying that if you find yourself at university because you think it will get you a job then drop out. Perhaps what I’m trying to say is if you find yourself in lectures thinking ‘how will this be useful when I get a job?’ and you’re annoyed that your degree is not equipping you for the workplace – get over it. It is not what it is for.

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Hidden Gems on Campus Helena Horton spills the dirt on York’s best keep secrets

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The Buddha (1) Come here when you’re feeling stressed and chill out with the Buddha by the Berrick Saul building.

The Observatory (2) behind the Hes West Sports Centre. Go behind James College, then take the path behind the gym, then go across the wooden bridge. It can take pictures of Saturn and Mars. Scoop (3): The place to buy all your storecupboard ingredients- and fresh, locally sourced fruit and vegetables cheaply. It’s in Wentworth, W/021 on Wednesdays and Fridays. The Quiet Place (4): Get the code from Derwent Porter’s lodge and go through the brick gate near the topiary by Heslington hall.

It’s a place for quiet reflection, and it’s JW a really pretty garden. Nightline (5).

This is an essential place for all York students. They provide a listening ear when needed, as well as condoms, lube, welfare advice among many other things.

They’re based in Wentworth E block.

Pods (6). The three study pods outside the Ron Cooke Hub in HeslingJW ton East are self-contained, individual meeting spaces located in an idyllic setting on the campus lake.

Browns (7) is a sandwich shop just off campus in Heslington on Main Street, it’s worth going out of your way to get one their signature delicious sandwiches at lunchtime, with flavour combinations you’d never expect. All of their sandwiches are gone by 2 so get there early!

Kings Manor (8). If the brutalist charm of campus hasn’t won you over yet, pop into the King’s Manor cafe or library for a change of scenery. Norman Rae Gallery (9). Just above the Courtyard in Derwent you can find this student run JW gallery which hosts three exhibitions a term with lectures, seminars and events.

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WRETCH 32

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Britain’s hip hop scene no longer struggles to find its own voice. Once a parasitic underground imitation of its American counterpart, the genre now boasts a number of household names that break up the predictable list of superstars from the other side of the Atlantic. Wretch 32, a languid Tottenham boy who mastered his craft fighting to be heard on London’s pirate radio scene, has been there from the start.

Patrick Greenfield interviews “I would love to be looked upon by others in the same likeness as Jay Z. But I know I’ve got a lot to prove to claim that status here.”

The 28 year old rapper grew up in Tiverton Estate, a notorious battleground in London’s ‘post-code war’ and like many other British rappers, music was his escape. Even so, Wretch 32 has refused to leave the area where he and his four sisters were brought up by their mother after their father left home. With a third album on its way, he is keen to build on the success of Black and White that produced his first number one single, “Don’t Go”, and three other top five singles.

“My forthcoming album Growing Over Life is a progression from where ‘Black and White’ left off. Each album describes the stages of my

life where I’m at, the growth and I think this album definitely shows that lyrically and musically.”

Released in August 2011, many commentators claimed Black and White to be the soundtrack of the London riots. The rapper attended the same school as Mark Duggen, the 29 year old man that was shot in the chest by specialist firearms officers on 4th August 2011 in the back of a minicab. The death sparked four days of rioting across London and rappers like Wretch 32 came under heavy criticism for allegedly supporting the rioters.

“This whole situation is very difficult for me, because I understand the frustration but I also see exactly how crazy it is.” He commented at the time. “He [Mark Duggen] was cool- he used to go to my school.”

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Over the last two years the reconciliation process has been dogged by petty scapegoating and inaction, with many affected businesses claiming nothing has been done to help them. When asked about why so little had been done, Wretch was understandably hesitant to comment.

“I don’t know. I’m not going to pretend I know the answer. Your guess is as good as mine.”

Wretch 32, born Jermaine Sinclair, was a defiant voice in the troubled summer and he stood up for his community after criticism from observers like David Starkey who claimed “the whites have become black.”

Wretch’s unifying qualities are in his blood. In 1985, his father took part in the infamous Broadwater Farm race riots and Jermaine’s christening was subsequently featured in a BBC2 documentary about how the community rebuilt itself after the trouble. His family still joke about how his birth was a turning point for the area.

“We’ve all come a long way and things certainly have gotten better but I don’t think we’re there yet.”

The conversation turned to Wretch’s involvement with London 2012. He was one of the many important faces of the Games, taking centre stage in Addidas’ advertising campaign throughout the Olympics. When asked about Britain’s reaction to the Games, especially Mo Farah’s famous victories, he gave a typically positive response.

“I would like to think it’s a glimpse into our multicultural future where we’re living in peace and harmony despite of our political, racial and religious differences.”

Music, however, is clearly the main driving force behind Jermaine’s achievements.

“When I started making music, it meant more to me than fighting and all those other things. It made a lot more sense to pursue making music because it was potentially a job, potentially a career. My desire has nothing to do with money. I couldn’t care less what I’m paid, honestly. I got into music because I wanted to vent.”

It took Wretch 32 a while to get noticed but his strong musical foundation forged in London’s grime scene in the 90s has helped him perfect the art of commercial music creation.

“It definitely makes the process easier having built up a strong relationship [with grime MCs] over the years. For example with producers, from experience I know who I work well with, whom to go in with to produce good music.”

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You lot are the

future

in the present, so

try your hardest to

make history The constancy in production remains a subtle attribute to his work. Jermaine’s first studio album, Wretchrospective, was largely mixed and produced

by J.F.L.O.W.S who went on to produce a large part of Black and White. He is has stayed true to this principle for Growing Over Life.

“This time round I’ve worked mostly with the same producers as before, as well as some amazing new talent bringing a fresh new feel like Knox Brown and KZ.” Albums aside, mixtapes have always been a way for Wretch 32 to experiment and keep his name out there.

“I still think making mixtapes is important for me. I don’t really gain anything from doing it these days but it’s a way of saying thanks to my fans for their support.

There’s a difference between the mixtapes and albums.

In a nutshell, an album is better produced, better quality, mixed and mastered with the hindsight of performing it and a mixtape is mostly made up of freestyles, over a next artist beat, with no restrictions and a lot

of the time given away for free to showcase talent and build a fan base.”

Away from music, Jermaine is a big Arsenal fan and having his track “Blur” on the FIFA 13 playlist was a big moment.

“It’s definitely up there with winning an award. I never would have dreamed in a million years that I’d have a song featured on one of my favourite computer games. You’ve actually given me an idea to frame my FIFA game and hang it on the wall!”

Wretch 32’s story certainly is not over. As a successful, intelligent, young father; the community work in the estates he roamed as a teenager is becoming increasingly important.

“I never set out to be a role model in the beginning.

It’s great to be someone that the youth can identify with and be inspired by. You lot are the future, in the present, so try your hardest to make history. People that make a difference are never forgotten.”

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the big Try something new

Media

Get Active

FetSoc York’s infamous fetish society is actually much tamer than the title suggests: they promote safety and education for BDSM and all other sorts of kink, as well as a place to meet likeminded people.

URY The UK’s oldest student radio station is still a popular choice 55 years on from when it first started broadcasting. URY will teach you everything you want to know to be a superstar DJ or producer.

Slacklining Slacklining is essentially, a slacker, wider tight rope. It’s difficult, and exercises muscles you didn’t even know you had. After you manage to walk the full length, you can start doing tricks.

DougSoc Famous for all things Douglas Adams, DougSoc are a group of eclectic misfits who arrange weekly fun and bizarre activities in a welcoming and friendly environment.

Their weekly emails are a bit mad.

The Lemon Press York’s only satire magazine is a perfect place to write about campus news with a healthy dose of cynicism and wit. It’s definitely not the place for people who take campus politics seriously!

Pole Exercise Pole exercise is an aerobic fitness club that teaches you balance, core strength and helps you tone in fun new way. It’s a strenuous work-out but everyone is welcome to have a go.

MedievalSoc You’ll often see MedievalSoc re-enacting famous battles in full costume out and about on campus. For anybody interested in the Medieval period, this society involves combat training, themed socials, and trips to displays, markets and battles.

YSTV York Student Television is perfect for would-be TV producers, scriptwriters or directors. They cover all the main campus events, as well as producing original programs themselves. They’ll have you producing TV as legendary as Checkmate* soon enough.

Outdoor Soc One of the largest societies on campus, Outdoor Soc organise walks every Sunday to various scenic locations - usually with a pub lunch at the end! With a medium and a long walk on offer each week, they cater to all levels of fitness. Perfect for escaping the campus bubble.

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societies

by Jo Barrow

Cultural

Stage

Food & Drink

World Cinema Society If you love film and want a chance to experience the best international cinema, World Cinema Society is for you. With screenings every Friday, you can travel the world without ever leaving V/045.

CHMS Central Hall Music Society, or annually produce the University’s biggest musical. This year’s showstopper will be ‘Jesus Christ Superstar.’ Always dreamt of singing on stage? This is definitely for you

YUCS York University Cocktail Society is about bringing together those who appreciate something tastier than a pint of Fosters when it comes to drinks. Visit the best bars and learn to mix your own.

Philosophy Soc If you’re interested in the big questions and the history of thought, Philosophy Soc provides a perfect opportunity for learned debate and have a weekly casual social Philosocoffee.

Dramasoc One of the most popular societies, DramaSoc gives York’s dramatic loads of opportunity to show what they’ve got, with eight main shows a term, open drama nights and even spots at Edinburgh Festival.

Baking Society Riding off the rejuvenation of British baking, York’s Baking Society can teach you all the skills to be able to imitate your TV favourites. The end product will make you popular too!

OperaSoc Whether you’re a seasoned opera afficionado or just curious to see what it’s like, Opera Soc’s aim to make Opera more accessible to students. They take trips to the Opera, have DVD screenings and put on their own operas throughout the year.

Fusion Fusion’s annual performance is always one of the highlights of the University calendar.

The annual fashion, music and dance spectacular not only promotes the artistic diversity of York’s students but also raises thousands of pounds for RAG.

Scoop Student Co-op Based in Wentworth, Scoop provides organic, exploitation-free and local produce at affordable prices. Some love it for its cheap food, others for its ethical values, but no matter what, making use of their veg boxes and markets is always a great idea. * Look it up. Look it up right now.

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ADVICE FROM GRADUATES

University is not exactly, but is somewhat like taking a three year long bath. (I’m stretching the realms of successful analogy here. Sorry about that.)

The inner bath picture we all have in our minds eye is basically wrong. It is. Honestly. What do you see when you close your eyes and think about your ideal bath?

Can you see the bubble bath, the sanctuary of a few moments to yourself, the rubber ducks and/or terrible experimental sex? Yes. You do. It’s a placid pool of relaxation/ actually not good but frictiony sex with candles. This is what good baths are made of. Your inner imagined picture of University life can probably see similar things - inviting and hopefully interesting courses, the sanctuary of three years to yourself, real ducks (welcome to York), and terrible experimental sex.

Well, actually, both images miss out the most important parts. Baths are fundamentally there to make you cleaner, which you can’t do without a good bar of soap and a hands on moment with your… parts; and in my experience University is there to prepare you for the world, make you a better and more savvy human being and let you know what kind of person you’re going to want to be. There is a degree thrown in there, but that doesn’t really come into play until the third year panic.

In my experience you can’t do any of the important life developing moments without the extra curriculum.

York Vision was my extra curriculum of choice, which I joined in my first year tentatively, and with the whiny, pleading temperament of the under self confident.

You, oh soft clueless Fresher, are much more talented than you know, and if you throw yourself into a club with your shoulders back, it won’t matter how boring your degree is, how sadistic your flatmates, or how close to developing scurvy you are – you’ll discover that University is a far greater place than you could possibly have imagined. Grab the soap.

Helena Kealey

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Be quick out the blocks – literally – that’s my advice for all you freshers of whom I could not be more envious as I slip ever closer to the real world, clinging to my carefree university life only by one last piece for my old student newspaper (you should all join it, by the way – it’s great, you’ll love it. I thought about writing a piece solely telling everyone to join Vision but decided that just be shameless, right?)

Anyway, where was I? Be quick out of the blocks – and by that I mean don’t limit your friendships to those you make on your first few days whilst moving into and getting to know your accommodation. There’s a good chance that, all being well, at least some of the people you live with in your first year will go on to be your future housemates and even friends for life, but it’s still important to break out of what will very quickly become your comfort zone and meet people from different colleges and different years.

There are loads of ways to do this – through your course, societies, sports teams and the like, and the good thing about meeting people this way is that you will automatically have more in common than what has brought you and your flatmates together – the perennially awful and totally arbitrary accommodation selection process (the uni will tell you they’re sorting it out every year, but it’ll never actually change).

Go and meet these people early – the friendships you make early in your university life tend to be the ones that stick, and it’s also when everyone is so desperate to be loved that they would make friends with just about anything, so long as you give them the required minimum five cuddles a day and tuck them into bed “just like mummy used to.”

Having a few different groups of friends from different aspects of your university life is great, and not only because it means there is always a night out you’re invited on somewhere. You’ll never have an excuse for being bored and, once you’re all settled in, you can start introducing the different groups to each other (a bit like Paddy McGuiness without the exotic holidays, though probably still with the awkward hook-ups).

Suddenly, you’re a socialite – you’re welcome.

Alex Finnis

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Fancy a drink?

York is famous for the range and quality of its drining establishments.

It has something to accommodate every taste, from pubs specialising in world ales (The Pivni, in Newgate Market) to a converted church, famous for its £1 jagerbombs (Parish, on Micklegate.) We thought we’d take this opportunity to introduce you to some of York Vision’s favourite watering holes.

First on our list is Evil Eye. No trip to York (and indeed, no stint at University) is complete without it. With an exhaustive cocktail list and knowledgable staff, this north African themed bar is perfect for nights where you want a touch of sophistication. Admittedly it’s a bit more expensive than your usual, but when you’ve got 7 different rums and fresh fruit in your glass, who’s complaining?

At the other end of the scale there’s Stone Roses.

It’s an indie rock bar with a dancefloor and trebles of vodka, Malibu or Archers for £2.50, it’s a perfect way to begin a night.

Cross the river, and you’ve got the famous Micklegate Run: there’s Nags Head and Rumours. Nags Head

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has “triples for the price of singles,” with treble vodka lilt being a particular favourite. Meanwhile Rumours has a spacious upstairs beer garden and a ‘cocktail’ called Kryptonite - vodka, cider and a tropical VK. Dusk is another cocktail bar with two for £5 cocktails and cheap wine. It’s busy and loud, and the cocktails come with quirky names but no descriptions. For the first few weeks everything you order will be an exciting mystery.

Gibsons is also two cocktails for £5 but has a much bigger menu than Dusk. Owned by one of the Pigeon Detectives, it’s well known for its rock music theme and its prime location on the Micklegate Run. Finally there’s the legendary Willow Disco. Formerly a Chinese Restaurant, it gained a late license and its similarity to a perpetual school disco proved so popular that they stopped serving food. The drinks aren’t really the draw here, although £1 tequila and vodka shots are integral to the Willow experience. With unlimited free prawn crackers and a DJ who’ll play literally anything until 4am, you’ll soon love it as much as we do.

TUESDAY

MONDAY

Your student loan’s just come in. You’re feeling rich and irresponsible. What better way to start the week than at the Bora Bora Cocktail bar. If you’re feeling brave, try the famous “Red Devil” cocktail made with a healthy dose of 5 different types of spirits.

It may be worth seeing what the fuss is about when they call York, the world’s most haunted city. Arrive at the Kings Arm Pub at 8pm, flash your student card and take the Original Ghost Walk of York for the small price of £3.

ALTERNATIVE WEDNESDAY FRESHERS WEEK

Enjoy some hilarious comedic stand up at the Gillygate Pub. It’s a bit of a trek to get there but well worth the journey as it promises and always delivers non-stop laughter

Tracey Akamaguna

SATURDAY

FRIDAY

From as little as £4, go to the Duchess and enjoy some of the best indie musicians play live. Overstay your welcome there and be the first to see in ‘Phat Fridays’ and dance the rest of the night away to 90’s RnB and Hop Hop Classics. With drinks as little as £1, what’s not to love?

Finish the week off by going to the one and only Charles XII just off campus. It’s no surprise this is so popular with York students with its 2 for £7 meal deals. After all the money spent over the week, this will be a huge sigh of relief for the old bank account.

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SUNDAY

If you’re still on an indie high, the only thing worth attending is Control Saturdays at Fibbers. You’re guaranteed great music, cheap entry and even cheaper drinks.

THURSDAY

Often overlooked and so a great alternative night out is Incarceration Night at The Stone Roses Bar. Specifically aimed at students, a great a tmosphere and home to ridiculously cheap trebles, you’ll be tempted to make this your own official Thursday night out.

TOM AC: NAKED CHEF

JW Mummy and Daddy aren’t around to pander to your every need anymore and it’s time to pull up your socks and behave like an adult. Cooking is one of those ‘life skills’ allegedly loved by the opposite sex and once you put your mind to it, isn’t difficult at all. I appreciate few of you are going to be knocking on Marcus Wareing’s door anytime soon or even know who he is, but my gosh, if Jamie Oliver can cook meals and make millions from it, I am sure you can live off something other than microwave meals. Here are some cheap, quick and easy recipes. Enjoy!

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250g Tagliatelle 1 tbsp. extra-virgin olive oil 1 small finely chopped garlic clove

PRAWN TAGLIATELLE TOMATOES GARLIC CHILI

200g prawns 2 tbsp tomato puree 8 cherry tomatoes 1 chili

METHOD 1. Bring a large pan of salted water to the boil. Add the pasta and cook according to the packet instructions until al dente. Meanwhile, heat the oil in a pan over a medium-high heat.

2. Finely chop the garlic, chili and slice the cherry tomatoes into quarters.

3. Add the garlic, prawns and chili. Stir occasionally to add a nice bit of colour to the dish.

4. Add the tomato puree and a splash of water to make the sauce.

5. Season with Salt and Pepper, 6. Strain the pasta and throw into the pan with the

STIR FRY CHICKEN 1 tbsp sunflower oil 1 large sliced chicken breast 1 large thinly sliced carrot 1 small tin sweetcorn 1 chili 1 garlic clove 150g mangetout 1 bunch of finely sliced spring onions 1 pepper, thinly sliced, 150g pack straight-to-wok noodles

sauce and mix well.

METHOD 1. Peel the carrot, and thinly slice as well as the pepper.

2. Heat a splash of oil in a wok. Add the chicken and stir-fry for 5 minutes until golden and cooked through, then take off the heat and leave to rest on the side.

3. Add the garlic and chili to the pan and heat thoroughly.

4. Add the rest of the vegetables.

5. Return the chicken and the sauce to the wok with the noodles and cook for 1-2 minutes until piping hot.

6. Squeeze in some honey, add a splash of soy sauce and then season.

JW

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HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS IN THE MORNING?

Helena Horton shares her tips for breakfasts so

YORK VISION

Decadent French Toast

Eggs (one per person - hopefully two!)

50ml Double Cream Bread (one per person) 2 tsp Cinnamon 1 tsp Vanilla Extract Butter Maple Syrup So, you went home with some hunk or honey in your first term, and now you’re lying in bed, with them asleep next to you, wishing that you had more than one measly night of passion with them. Well, I have to advise you not to put all of your eggs in one basket, or frying pan, but what better way to win over your potential beau by cooking him or her a fabulous morning-after breakfast?

Transport the object of your affections to the streets of Paris, or, more realistically, an American diner, with this little number. Handle with care, it once landed me a date!

1) Crack an egg for each person into a bowl, mix with double cream, cinnamon and enough sugar to make your beau sweet on you. Dribble in some Vanilla extract if you have any in your cupboard.

2) Soak a slice of bread for each person liberally in the decadent mixture and set to one side.

3) Melt some butter in a frying pan. Slap in the soaked bread slices, and dribble what is left of the eggy mixture on top of them. Fry for a couple of minutes on both sides, until the egg is cooked and the bread is a little bit browned.

4) Arrange delicately on plates, serve with maple syrup, chopped strawberries and seduction.

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good they they’ll turn that one night stand into much more than an awkward Freshers’ memory

Smoked Salmon &Scrambled Eggs

Eggs Benedicte

Eggs (one or two per person) Bread (one or two slices per person) Hollandaise Sauce Butter

2 tsp vinegar, Two eggs for each person, As much hollandaise sauce as you and your partner(s) like Salt & Pepper English Muffin (one each) Slice of ham (one per person)

This needn’t break the bank- you can buy smoked salmon trimmings from Tesco for less than a quid and it will seem like you are giving your one night stand a proper treat.

Simple yet posh-looking, you’ll look like you made a bit of an effort but not too much. Cool and aloof is the way forward.

1) Melt butter in a saucepan, don’t let it boil.

2) Whisk eggs in a bowl, season and add a splash of milk.

3) Add them to the pan and stir continuously with a spatula, making sure to scrape the eggs off the bottom of the pan every so often.

4) Cook until the eggs are creamy, soft, smooth and still a little runny. Undercook them slightly because they continue to cook when the heat is turned off!

5) Toast some bread, butter it, layer some smoked salmon on top then pour on the eggs. Serve with lemon wedges.

1) Bring water in a saucepan to almost boiling. Little bubbles should be forming in the water, it should not resemble a witch’s cauldron. Add a teaspoon or two of vinegar to the water.

2) Crack an egg into a small cup, then place the cup near the surface of the hot water and gently plop the egg in. With a spoon, nudge the eggwhites closer to their yolks.

3) Repeat with another egg, turn off the heat, cover and let sit for 4 minutes until the egg whites are cooked.

4) Place the ham on top of the hot buttered muffins, place the eggs on top and dollop on the hollandaise sauce.

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VISION’S GUIDE TO (NOT) DATING AT UNIVERSITY Think university is all soft candlelight and M&S dinners for two? Think again...

Welcome to University, little fresher, and welcome to what could quite possibly be the most sexually (or romantically, if you’re into that) active three years of your life. Let’s face it, being stuck in the same group of friends since you were 11 has hardly racked up the notches on your bedpost and, quite frankly, we’re still working out how anybody dates after leaving the university bubble.

You’ll never be as spoilt for choice as you are for the next three years, especially at York. Campus is essentially a smorgasbord of intelligent, goodlooking people your age, thoughtfully hand picked for you by the university admissions department.

If you take the advice of almost everyone ever, and choose not to get with your flatmates, there’s still your coursemates, college friends or basically anyone on a night out. You’ve even got the option of joining societies: YUSU will have you believe they’re for improving your employability and social life, the rest of the student body knows they’re for ensuring you have at least one thing in common with the people you hook up with.

The first thing you need to know is that nobody actually dates at university. A quick straw poll of my peers reveals that although many of them have had relationships, literally none of them have ‘dated.’

And you know why? Because dating is ridiculous, and expensive, and far too slow-paced and formal for our generation. Why bother blowing your precious loan on a meal and awkward stilted conversation when you live two minutes away from each other and could just have brilliant sex followed by a Breaking Bad marathon? Instead, your fledgling relationship will fit into one of the following categories: desperate unrequited love from across the library, awkward one night stand, ‘uhhh, we’re definitely not a thing’ depsite repeated encounters and then, suddenly, full

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blown absolutely madly in love with inevitable disastrous heartbreak looming.

As you can see, no-one dates. The trouble is, you see, you’re an adult now. So, if you want to hole up with your new love interest for a week, there’s nothing stopping you. The same rule applies if you want to have birthday cake for breakfast every day or turn your dining room into a mattress fort for a week.

Seriously. The freedom is terrifying. Thus, the powers that be at Vision have come up with a few simple rules to abide by to ensure that you treat your new found freedom with responsibility: Work out if you’re confident enough to hook up with someone and then see them regularly without undue awkwardness. Adjust your prowling grounds suitably.

Don’t fall into a relationship in first term, you’ll regret not making the most of peoples’ briefly lowered inhibitions if you do.

Accept that in halls, there is no such thing as privacy. Get used to sharing all of your hilarious sexual anecdotes with everyone. You’re lucky if your neighbour hasn’t heard it all through the wall and told everyone before you’re even finished.

If you’re struggling, join a soc/sport, hotbed for incest.

As tempting as it is to flash your government-lent cash, don’t spend all your money on the person you want/are with. For obvious reasons.

Read this.

Feel better about your love life.

An awkward hello, a brief biography and I am stuck in the friend zone. Fuck!

“

“Nice guys end up in the friend zone. But what is the nice guy exactly? Well let me start by making it clear that the nice guy should not be mistaken for the GREAT guy. Nice guys are bland , forgettable and replaceable. They never challenge the girl, they never flirt, they are never cheeky, but instead they choose to nod their head in agreement with everything the girl says, and just hope that some how the girl will be charmed by the bland mask he has decided to adopt.

“

How can I sleep with my flatmate and not make it awkward?

“Make sure you are both on the same page before the romance commences. If you feel they might like you more than you like them, although it’s often very difficult to resist, you have to take in to account that they might be very clingy, jealous and hurt when they realizes that you only viewed the encounter as a meaningless shag. This will of course lead on to a damaged reputation which will consequently lead to other people becoming wary of your intentions.“ Has Kezia piqued your interest?

Go to www.yorkvision.co.uk/ lifestyle to read the rest of her exclusive interview!

“

Once I went home with a guy I got with at coup d’etat – he was quite attractive and we went home together. After some, uh, mechanical issues, he said I seemed like a sympathetic person and promptly came out to me there and then, and cried on my shoulder until 5am.

“

I once got drunk on a date after forgetting to eat before going for cocktailsended the night with him buying me a pizza from Chubbies. I was literally the worst date ever.

“

“It’s a total myth that ugly guys get fewer girls than the good looking guys. We meet people all the time who might not possess the physical qualities we search for, but for some reason, their sense of humour, passion, view points, body language and confidence seals the deal! If you rely on looks, you’re more likely to end up with far less than the guy who relies on his personality, mind, confidence and general game.”

I went on a blind date, and he took me to Wetherspoons. As we went to order, it started well as he said ‘You know I’m not paying, right?’ and then things got more awkward as he told me that I’m not really his type, but he’d give me a go. We went back to college to watch the football, but I went to the loo and when I got back, he’d turned out the lights and got naked.

When I touched his shoulder he came! It was absolutely disastrous, had to pretend to be asleep to get him to leave.

“

I am really ugly. What should I do?

A guy came back to mine after a club night because we had some mutual friends and I had a DVD he wanted to borrow. All of a sudden he just got completely naked. I made my friend come into the room and pretend to cry because I didn’t know what to do – he had to cover his manhood with a cushion!

“

Vision chats to KEZIA NOBLE, superstar pick up artist about how to get lucky in Freshers week.

DATING DISASTERS! “

let the games begin!

Are YOU a better date than these students? Sign up for York Vision’s Blind Date - email lifestyle@yorkvision.co.uk

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The Doctor Q is in....... A

York Vision speaks to celebrity doctor Dr. Christian Jessen

about sex, booze and freshers’ flu

My parents have just dropped me off and I’m awkwardly sat in the communal kitchen with my new housemates. I’ve never had to look after myself before. What health advice do you have for useless teenagers looking after themselves for the first time?

“I would say there are only two things you need to do: wash and eat. Last year’s scurvy case is a classic example of how there’s a lot going on at university and actually, eating is one of the necessities of life that’s easy to forget. You’d be surprised how long you can put that off for or just eat the same old things day in day out. I guess the key is variety, it doesn’t cost a fortune. If you eat the same egg mayonnaise sandwich every day for lunch and a pizza for dinner then you are likely to run into problems later on. Make sure the fridge works and wash up occasionally. Don’t underestimate the benefit of eating fresh fruit now and again. Grabbing an orange or a banana from somewhere is important and if you are clever, you can get them free from certain places so it shouldn’t cost you any money at all.”

Q A

Boozy freshers fun is part of the rite of passage; however, what dangerous concoctions should I be wary of in drinking games?

“I think people don’t realise that alcohol is a toxin and a depressant. Alcohol will kill you in the right amount. Just because it’s legal doesn’t mean it’s safe. It’s one of my big rants- the government will ban far safer substances than alcohol. I have seen many, many student die because they’ve just drunk so much alcohol. Throw into the mix other substances, know or unknown, like GHB. GHB is a really popular thing; mix it with alcohol and it is lethal. You need to be really careful of that. To be honest, when it comes to alcohol, quantity is the biggest problem. The more things you mix together, the less you’ll know how you will react. The advice we always give that nobody

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30

ever follows is remember to eat and have a glass of booze broken up by a glass of non-booze. If you can do that, you’ll be fine for the night.”

Q A

I am at university to try everything. What precautions should freshers take if they’re going to take drugs for the first time?

“If you are going to try drugs, just remember to take it easy. Professor David Nutt is a drug genius I work with a bit. He would say the way to take an ecstasy pill, for example, is to take half, wait an hour and then take the other half. I are not saying students should take ecstasy because, clearly, it’s illegal. But if you are going to do it, that is that way to take it. Don’t just buy random pills, neck them and hope it will be alright. The problem with making drugs illegal is that we have no idea what’s in them.

Always do a bit and if you are alright, you can do a little bit more. Remember: the more drugs you mix together, the more likely you are to have an adverse reaction to them. Anything that’s a powder or a liquid, you are more likely to get the doses wrong. The classic one is GHB. GHB is liquid ecstasy and people always take far too much and that is a respiratory depressant that tends to kill or put you in a coma. Do a bit, wait a bit and then do a little bit more. Also, if you can stick to just one drug instead of doing loads then you reduce the amount of problems. I’m not saying it is fine to take it but if you are going to take it, that’s how to take it safely.”

Q A

I’ve fallen in love on the dance floor. What are the safe sex essentials?

“You’re probably going to have to sit in the same lecture theatre as this person for the rest of the year and that can be acutely embarrassing. Do bear that in mind- I am speaking from experience when I say that! Not just one person but several

“

“

Live like a saint... when freshers’ week is over!

people! I would say that there are two things you need to know: wear a condom and get yourself checked. I know it is boring, obvious advice but that’s all there is to it! Going to get tested for STIs in universities is easy now. Even if you have been wearing a condom, still go and get yourself checked out. Do not assume that just because someone looks young, fresh-faced and innocent that they are not carrying all sorts of things. It is really easy. You’d be amazed where I went to university how quickly STIs get about. Suddenly one person having gonorrhoea becomes twenty people having gonorrhoea. Then you realise that everybody is shagging everybody. Don’t be naïve about that!”

Q A

At the end of freshers week everybody is ill.

What is the best way to overcome freshers’ flu?

“You’re knackered, you haven’t been eating properly, you’ve been drinking far too much and you’ve not got enough sleep. To be honest, there’s not much you can do other than get your rest and your down time. It is very hard during freshers week. If you don’t go to stuff, you feel like you’re missing out and you won’t meet people. When freshers’ week is over, live like a saint. Eat well, sleep well and get off the booze for a week. You won’t have any money left anyway so have an enforced period of hermitage! Students come from all across the world, they’re shoved together and they spread bugs around each other. There’s nothing you can do other than take it easy the week after.”

Q A

Finally, I’ve seen your cheeky smile and your perky pecs on TV. Do you even lift bro?

“Cheeky bugger!“ Patrick Greenfield

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WE’RE NOMINATED FOR THE GUARDIAN STUDENT PUBLICATION OF THE YEAR AND BEST STUDENT WEBSITE 2013

YORK VISION VISION THAN JUST BEING BUT THERE’S MORE TO YORK THE UK’S MOST AWARDED STUDENT NEWSPAPER Apart from being nationally recognised for the quality of our content and high standards of design, we’re also proud of being one of campus’s friendliest and most welcoming societies. We’re the newspaper that writes the stories students actually want to read about, and we have fun while we’re doing it.

We’re holding elections on Tuesday Week 2 in P/X/001, and we need you to come along and run for a position. Although we’re proud of our history, we’re also a dynamic and forward thinking organisation. We need you to help come up with the stories and ideas that will keep Vision on top!

We’ll be electing over FIFTY positions including editors and deputy editors in: News, Sport, Comment, Lifestyle, Features, Music, Books, TV, Film, Tech, Stage.

We’ll also need photographers, advertising editors, web designers, digital editors, sub editors and online communications.

Follow us on twitter: @YorkVision or drop the editors an email at vision@yusu.org - we’d be happy to answer any questions you have about running!

STUDENT TAKEAWAY WELCOMES ALL FRESHERS

EFE'S PIZZA DELIVERY TO YORK UNIVERSITY IN 15 MINUTES

20% STUDENT DISCOUNT Available on orders over £14 when valid NUS card is shwon on delivery, after 11pm only.

YORK VISION

26 HESLINGTON ROAD

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK OPEN 4PM - 4AM

01904 652 210 32

Harry Enfield

An interview with...

Now, why should students be excited about coming to the University of York?

“York is a terrific City – It’s such a romantic place. And there’s nothing better than being with thousands of people your own age and your parents hundreds of miles away. Top beer too in Sam Smiths.”

Of course, when you were at York you befriended Skins co-creator Bryan Elsley and formed “Dusty and Dick.” You have both gone on to become household names for your talents. Are there any other ties to York that have stayed with you?

“No he befriended me. I tried to keep away from him because he’s Scottish. I now run a company with the bastard. I still have a twice a year booze up with my old house mates from Holgate road. Great people. Also, Charlie Higson’s brother Andrew is head of TV and film there. I keep meaning to come up and talk some bollocks for him.”

The North can be an intimidating place for students who have made their way up the A1. Do you have any advice for Southerners who have had to put the middle class dream on hold and turn up their thermostat?

“Get someone to cuddle up to. Northerners are charming in their funny way.

But they get a bit chippy if you throw them tit bits, so pretend to treat them as equals and you’ll be fine.”

Say something wise.

“Obviously I don’t do wisdom.”

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by Patrick Greenfield

Before we get down to business, has Ricky Gervais ruined British comedy for everybody else? His smug, Hollywood face has started to annoy me but I can’t help but laugh at his jokes.

“No – Ricky (along with Sasha Baron Cohen) has given British comedy a higher profile than its had since Python. All good comics are loved by some and irritate others. It’s the nature of the beast.”

The

YORK BUCKET LIST

Three years, nine terms and around 1,000 days left at York... Can you tick off everything on York Vision’s bucket list before you graduate? Tweet a (non explicit!) picture of you doing these challenges using #VisionBucketList and we’ll put the best ones into a gallery!

1

Stay in Willow until closing time

11

Swim across Hes East lake

2

Leave a lecture or seminar to throw up

12

Roll down Clifford’s Tower

3

Drink a six-pack while floating on a raft in the lake

13

Go home with a BNOC (Big Name on Campus)

4

Get a photo with YUSU President Kallum Taylor the weirder the better

14

Eat everything on the Courtyard Menu

5

Have sex in ‘The Quiet Place’

15

Kiss a porter on the lips

6

Eat a 16 inch” Efe’s Pizza

16

Complete the Micklegate Run

7

Entice the campus bird life into your block

17

Streak from V-Bar to The Courtyard

8

Go home with a third year,/ post grad or/member of uni staff

9

Start a snowball fight with a rival college

18 19

10

20

Pull in Kuda, Salvation, Tokyo and Vodka Revs in the same week

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Start a conga through Willow

Go to a lecture in your pyjamas

Have sex on Central Hall

35