Scene Issue 235

scene What’s next for the Summer Festival?

Music

WHICH FESTIVAL IS FOR YOU? CONSULT OUR CHART

Spotlight

AUTHOR, COMEDIAN AND SPRINGWATCH LEGEND BILL ODDIE

Film

CANNES FILM FESTIVAL 2013: THE MOST SUPRISING FESTIVAL EVER?

FEATURE: THE FUTURE OF FESTIVALS

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Scene

A NOTE FROM THE EDITORS Finally, it’s Week 8. The hustle and bustle of the library has eased back into the hustle and bustle of whatever club night it might be. The Harry Fairhurst has been abandoned and life is once again centred around, well, life. Our exams are over and we can finally sit back, grab a pitcher of Pimm’s, and peruse the latest issue of Scene.

THIS_ISSUE MUSIC

FEATURE: Festivals (p4) INTERVIEW: The Strypes (p5)

FILM

This is by far our most summery issue for a long while, and nothing says: “Well, it’s still raining but I guess it’s technically July” quite like a festival or two. From films and music to books and theatre, there’s a festival for everyone, and we have it all covered. So if you’re wondering where you should be going this summer or whether it’s even worth spending your hardloaned money on festivals, look no further!

FEATURE: Cannes Film Festival 2013 (p6) TOP 5: Hangover Movies (p6)

FEATURE

The Future of the Festival (p 8-9)

TV

Scene Cryptic Crossword

FEATURE: It’s a No From Me (p10) PREVIEW: 90210, True Blood (p11)

BOOKS

REVIEW: Rock Harder (p12) FEATURE: The Rise of Flash Fiction (p13)

TECH

FEATURE: Next Gen Wars: Xbox One (p14) REVIEW: Top 5 Festival Apps (p14)

STAGE

REVIEW: A Year in Drama (p15) PREVIEW: Edinburgh Fringe Festival (p15)

SPOTLIGHT

BILL ODDIE: Chats to Oscar Pearson (p16)

Across

3. Festival spawns hairstyle craze in Scottish capital 6. Teen drama ends, but always has a Rizla 8. Returning Vampire series can’t lie about vital fluid 9. Bradley Cooper feeling a little worse for wear again 11. Multiple French tins love watching movies 12. Steve Carrell and Ricky Gervais both play the lead in this cross

Down

1. Female monarchs release new album, continue to rule over cavemen 2. Our edition’s theme 4. Very literate festival, one of a pair 5. New Microsoft console has lost 359 of something 7. Strange birdwatcher always pays his tab 10. Reading about other people’s heads online may lead to sexism

SCENE TEAM Scene Editors Tom Davies Karl Tomusk

Music Editors

Film Editors

TV Editors

Books Editors

Tech Editor

Stage Editors

Milo Boyd Martin Waugh

Katie Molloy Katherine Hibberd

Sarah Cattle Angus Quinn

Morenike Adebayo Oona Venermo

Mike Dunnett-Stone

Rosie Litterick Kathy Burke

Deputy Film

Deputy TV

Deputy Books

Deputy Tech

Deputy Stage

Deputy Music Louisa Hann Phillip Watson

Max Sugarman

Zena Zarjis

Bertie Baker-Smith Bethan Forrest

Jack Bradshaw

Rory McGregor Sam Thorpe-Spinks

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Scene

MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

Music EDITORS’ CHOICE

REVIEWS

I’ve always been a fan. There’s something strangely alluring about the dark rhythms and basslines replicated seamlessly throughout their entire back catalogue.; a back catalogue …Like Clockwork does justice.

The album itself marks the return of long term collaborator and good friend of Homme’s, Dave Grohl. The sound is undeniably different from their previous works, more reminiscent of affiliated supergroup Them Crooked Vultures.

Laura Marlin

CRYSTAL FIGHTERS

Once I Was An Eagle

Cave Rave

“Grohl almost hyperactively approaches the drums with licks, riffs and solos as plentiful as in the days of ‘No One Knows’”

Queens of the Stone Age Like Clockwork

BY ALEX KILLEEN

Q

8/10

ueens of the Stone Age have always been a bit of an enigma to me. Following 10 years of drifting apart, Josh Homme is the only original member still carrying the name, trademarking it with his haunting, droll and often surreal sounding voice.

Yet despite the band’s curious makeup,

LIVE: MILES KANE

BY HANNAH MAY

A

14/5/13

nother sold out gig on his 11-date tour, chirpy Birkenhead born frontman Miles Kane, as ever, didn’t disappoint. Warming up the crowd prior to his illustrious and long awaited entrance was Middlesbrough’s Alistair Sheerin and Sheffield brothers Eoin and Rory Loveless, otherwise known as Drenge.

Sheerin got the crowd going with his repeat after me sing-alongs, followed by Drenge’s vicious grunge/punk melee.

With a strut reminiscent of the Gallagher swagger, the Bobby Dazzler himself took to the stage in his sparkly black Jimmy Choos. Kane kicked things off with ‘You’re Gonna Get It’, before rip-roaring into several songs off the forthcoming album, and ‘Get Right’, the B-side to his next single.

‘Kingcrawler’ was an obvious crowd pleaser along with ‘Inhaler’’s insanely catchy bass riff; the two songs working together to rile the ladies in the crowd into a fever pitch of tangible lust.

Always considerate, Miles slowed things down with what he deemed to be a “lovey dovey moment”; tentatively playing ‘Out Of Control’ before quote of the night, “I may be a soppy bastard but I’m a fucking sexy soppy bastard”, was met with catcalls of agreement. Things picked up again with

It feels as if the hiatus was completely the right move for the band. They’re back with a newfound freshness yet remain loyal foundations of their older tracks. Grohl almost hyperactively approaches the drums with licks, riffs and solos as plentiful as the days of ‘No One Knows’. ‘I Sat by the Ocean’ is a particular highlight, capturing the fantastic bluesy sound that first intrigued me.

It only gets better when in ‘Fairweather Friends’ we are treated to one of the strangest musical collaborations in recent memory as Elton John offers a crooning swag.

This album is a tremendous echo of The Queen’s of the Stone Age’s epic origins, with its disjointed, iconic and psychedelic tunes.

the foot-stomping ‘Come Closer’ followed by an acoustic rendition of ‘Colour of the Trap’.

The lyrics from his new song ‘Darkness In Our Hearts’ aptly sum up the night – “Well I’m not like everybody else.” He certainly isn’t. Kane’s infectious energy is such a joy to witness that his debut album Colour of the Trap doesn’t quite do him justice. This is a man that needs to be seen live!

His thoughts on The Duchess were made evident when he yelled out “I’m fucking buzzing” to his appreciative fans.

Disappearing off into the theatrical smoke, Kane left the crowd emotionally charged and chanting the words to his newest single, ‘Don’t Forget Who You Are’.

BY STEPH BARNSLEY

I

8/10

BY LOUISA HANN

C

5/10

The fourth offering from folk siren Laura Marling has arrived under the name Once I Was an Eagle. Following the Mercury Prize nominated debut and two further albums, Marling has managed to stay firmly with what she began with, improving on her original raw talents, bringing forward a more polished (yet still pure) record. Be warned, this is no upbeat collection of spangly folk songs, it is slightly brooding in places, reflecting on a seemingly huge break-up.

The title track ‘I Was an Eagle’ establishes the tone for the album perfectly, introducing the tone which carries through of an apparent relief to be out of the relationship while ‘Interlude’ provides the moment of vague sadness and thoughtfulness.

‘Breathe’ and ‘Master Hunter’ combine seamlessly, yet are entirely different, which shows how far Marling’s craftsmanship has come. The single ‘Where Can I Go?’ slots in flawlessly to give a more upbeat moment to the album amongst the angst. Finally, ‘Saved These Words’ rounds everything off concluding with the all encompassing message ‘love’s not easy, not always fun’.

16 songs recorded over 10 days, all coming together as a string of short stories to the tunes of the powerful folk guitar melodies. Let’s hope Marling’s move to America doesn’t take her off course.

ave Rave is the second album of British/Spanishn six-piece Crystal Fighters. The title is loaded with promises of a summery, dance-oriented record, and this is certainly delivered. The track which achieves to the greatest degree is the euphorically dance-fuelled ‘You & I’, which features Caribbean vibes and a fast-paced, cool drawl from lead vocalist Sebastian Pringle.

Having said this it is hard to find anything particularly original about the album.

The band’s last album, Star of Love, was released three years and their sound does not appear to have moved on much since then. Technically, the record is accomplished, with its polished sound and danceable and undeniably listenable to tunes, but there is also a latent feeling that it is somewhat dated, harking back to the kooky sounds created by the like of Yeasayer back in 2010.

There are also slightly disjointed elements to some of the songs. ‘L.A. Calling’ flits between the sort of Caribbean dance sounds as seen in tracks such as ‘You & I’ and a sort of quasi-rap which appears slightly incongruous and odd.

Overall the record has some elements to recommend it, but lacks congruity and any real cutting-edge to make it a defining album of the summer.

As Sam Beam walked onto stage, accompanied by his large supporting band, the crowd swelled with applause. Iron & Wine dived straight into ‘The Desert Babbler’ the second track from his new album Ghost on Ghost. All the songs from his new album were executed with almost impossible precision – and given the complexity, this is quite an achievement. The excellence of the support band and Beam himself were

astounding; with a brass section that could not stop dancing and a break for a guitar cello duet, the energy was overwhelming.

Beam took a solo section in the middle, where he gave the crowd what they desired: 9 minutes of one of his greatest tunes ‘The Trapeze Swinger’. The performance was one of great passion and diversity – Manchester will eagerly await the return of this lyrical genius.

LIVE: IRON & WINE

BY MICHAEL COOPER

I

30/5/13

ron & Wine does not play very often in the UK. So his appearance at the Manchester Opera house was an affair way overdue for his devoted fan based in the north of England. Denai Moore provided the support for this long anticipated occasion, but unfortunately the crowd was too eager to see the headliner to fully appreciate her Adele-esque vocals and musical versatility.

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

Festivals

FEATURE

GLASTONBURY

Yes Yes

Philip Watson turns his critical eye towards the UK’s biggests music fesitval

No

Have you been to a festival before?

Are you adverse to tent urination or arson?

G

lastonbury Festival is arguably the quintessential UK music festival, if not one of the most renowned in the world. Inevitably, as rumours began to circulate early this year for potential headliner acts for Glastonbury 2013, we heard, almost mythic names such as Fleetwood Mac, the Stone Roses, the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan and so on being whispered in the wind. When the acts for the legendary Pyramid stage were finally released, we were not disappointed; indeed we have The Rolling Stones, the Arctic Monkeys and- wait, what’s this? Mumford and Sons? Surely not...

It would be foolish to doubt the popularity of Marcus Mumford and his progeny, which has undoubtedly soared in recent years. Yet it seems to me that standing side by side with the immensely popular and very established Arctic Monkeys and the rock ‘n’ roll legends that are the Stones, Mumford and Sons seems a somewhat incongruous choice, in fact they are entirely dwarfed, in comparison.

Think about it; the headliner slots for Glastonbury are voraciously sought after by the very biggest names in music. Just look at Beyonce’s performance in 2011; watched by tens of millions of viewers around the world, the bodacious diva, with one performance on the Pyramid stage, danced and sang her way onto the throne of the queen of popular music (sorry Madonna). The awestruck fans and viewers that clamoured for her became her adoring subjects. Coldplay (don’t get me started) held their own, and Muse’s last-minute performance with U2’s ‘The Edge’ likewise captivated music lovers the world over. If this were not already evidence enough, the festival has attracted Damon Albarn twice in as many years, offered a controversial slot to Jay-Z in a move widely considered successful and hosted Rod Stewart as recently as 2002.

So one must ask- can Mumford and Sons really hold a light to the blazing stars that have shone before them on that Pyramid stage? I think not. A couple of catchy songs will probably get the crowd jumping, but their brand of pop-folk is hardly suited to the bombast and extravagance that one courts- earns, even- on Glasto’s Pyramid Stage. They’re simply not established enough and do not hold enough musical capital to put themselves on the same pedestal as modern rock or classic rock legends such as the Arctic Monkeys and the Stones.

With Mumford and Sons concluding Glasto after the performances of these musical colossuses, I cannot help but fear that this year’s Glastonbury will not end - as it did with Beyonce - with a bang, but rather with a whimper.

No

Do you like Festivals?

No

Is your mental image of a festival the best time of your life, sun saturnalia or an array of musicians?

Yes Bands

Euphoria

Does your idea of fun more closely resemble seeing Rage Against the Machine or consuming slightly warm ecstacy pills and basslines in equal measure?

Rage Against the Machine

Jaeger

Are you porous?

Do you prefer the oaky musk of locally brewed cider or jaeger bombs?

Does this image more closely resemble Elbow’s ‘One Day Like This’ or Justice’s ‘Dance’?

Cider

Elbow

Ecstacy Justice Are you angry?

Are you a forward thinking 19p noodle eater, or do you prefer a 3 meal a day 3 meals extravagance?

No When confronted with sunshine do you become a bronzed, tousled haired object of desire or a bit beetrooty?

Red Yes

No

Is your desire to go to a festival just a thinly veiled attempt to get with girls in wellingtons?

19p Noodles

Yes

Do you derive more enjoyment from finding new bands or re-listening to the canon?

Tousled Yes

Does the idea of maybe standing in urine irk you?

Does the idea of fancy dress induce several days of fevered sewing and ebaying?

No Extravagance No

All hail the British sunseeker. You consider yourself somewhat of a cool-cat, ahead of the pack you might say.

You will enjoy a whole host of new up and coming DJs you can pretend you know an awful lot about. Just don’t get distracted by the boat parties and miss the music.

No

Congrats, you’re officially the classic British festival-goer. Too cool for the likes of V-Festival yet too attached to the good British country to go abroad for musical kicks. Too old for the Reading debauchery, too young for wimpy boutique festivals. A good choice, but beware the price tag.

Yes

New bands

As a Bestival-goer you are a lover of all things fancy-dress. If a morphsuit or lion onesie comes your way, you simply cannot resist trying it on. Good for you. The lazy and time-conscious should be wary, however. But the Isle of Wight can be a real pain to get to, which may put off some festival goers.

Canon

No

Festival Mecca for any fun loving 16 year old.

The general consensus is that you’ll have the best weekend of your life, but on the condition that you’re willing to rage, lose your camping chairs and leave the experience as a one off. Have a great time, we’re certain you, and every GCSE leaver, will.

So turns out you’re suited for V-Festival, a corporate hotspot for orange-fleshed teenagers and smokers of e-cigarettes. You may wish to reconsider your choice, but are quite aware of your own (ironic?) douche-baggery, and won’t listen to the hipsters telling you otherwise.

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

INTERVIEW

The Strypes NEWS

BY MILO BOYD

T

he Strypes are atypical for a bunch of 16 and 17 year olds still living at home in the small Irish town of Cavan. Atypical in the sense their musical tastes are firmly rooted in the 1970’s brand of blue grass, rock and roll fusion, atypical in light of their performance on Later…with Jools Holland this April. Pronounced amongst a sub-generation whose primary product is an ever deeper and deeper baseline, The Strypes are beat-breaking and floor-shaking their cohort with a reinvigorated style of a hither considered dusty genre of music.

To fully understand what it is that stands the four-piece apart from the long history of pub rock tributes, requires attending one of the 250 odd shows they’ve played in the last couple of years. Second best to this is hearing drummer Evan Walsh describe their sound. “It’s basically harddriving rhythm and blues. We’re influenced

by English Rhythm and Blues bands like The Animals and The Yardbirds as well as the original bluesmen like Chuck Berry and Howling Wolf.”

On paper this isn’t a sound that particularly appeals to me or most likely anyone who’s spent time watching teenagers drone power chords through the tinny speakers of their local venue. Fortunately though both for fans of guitar driven music and my integrity, The Strypes far exceed the subjects of such memories. Vocals from lead guitarist Josh McClorey drift across Pete O’Hanlon and Jack Hayden’s bass guitars with a bellowed swag more reminiscent of Jagger than the en vogue cockney drawl.

What’s more remarkable however is their tightness as a live band, which is probably best understood in the light of their childhoods: “(We grew) up together, hanging out at my house everyday listening to what my parents had on. We’ve known each other since birth.”

When I ask Evan how they’ve managed to stand out in a field that is so competitive and so extensively covered, he explains that “everyone puts their own spin on things. We see it as rhythm and blues seen through the punk rock of the seventies.” With their de-

LOCAL SPOTLIGHT: 2BOB

BY LOUIS BOYD

I

30/5/13

t is often the case that pub bands aren’t really at the cutting edge of the music scene, regurgitating crowd-pleasing tunes with boozy predictability. But at the Blue Boar, the darlings of York’s pub circuit, 2Bob, won me over with a rousing evening of consummate musicianship and downright good fun.

The two Bobs behind the magnificent pun are Rob on guitar, reportedly the brother of Charles Worthington (unconfirmed) and Bob on fiddle. Together they stormed

BY MILO BOYD

A

but album Young, Gifted and Blue produced

by The Sex Pistols’ Chris Thomas, one might expect an anger filled, thrash fest of a record. But again, The Strypes are atypical. Not only in the sense that their clean recordings allow each instrument to stand out in a raw yet cohesive whole, but they also manage to do this with a complete absence of ego. Despite incredible haircuts, suit combinations and the fact that no one believes or cares whether musicians are down to earth guys, The Strypes are remarkably nice for a bunch of teenagers playing to sold out crowds every night.

“The whole thing took us by surprise. It happened back in April when we released an EP amongst friends and family, and it reached further and we got to number one on the rhythm and blues charts the next day.

Then the record companies got interested.”

Yet despite such heavy accolade and the anticipation surrounding their debut album, the band is very much a home spun family affair. “My dad is on the management team and he drives us around in his van.” When I ask about future aspirations,

Evan is suitably self-effacing and modest in saying: “It’s quite a hard business to make money in, I see it as a job. We’re a working band. It’s only different unless you make it huge. We’re lucky that the last few places we’ve been have been sold out. I think there’s a bit of a buzz floating about us right now. In terms of future aspirations, its an incredibly hard thing to plan as the goal posts keep shifting so radically in this business. I suppose we just want to keep gigging and working. Fame and fortune isn’t what we long for. We just want to keep gigging and playing, and what ever comes out of it, comes out of it.”

It is suitably at this point of looking to the future that my conversation with Evan ends. It seems rash and overly confident to conclude with a grand prediction of the band’s imminent rise to superstadom in light of a market with less and less space for the analog. Regardless, the intensity, style and song writing talents of The Strypes will surely inspire and induce great loyalty from those few who fondly remember the preGuetta era of musical purity.

through a variety of (admittedly predictable) covers - David Gray’s ‘Babylon’ - as well as more traditionally folky fare.

In their rendition of Cousin Jack, the previously restless audience were noticeably captivated by guitarist Bob’s genuinely emotional pean to displaced Cornish miners. As Travis’ ‘Rain on Me’ erupted into a precipitation-saturated medley (‘Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head’ and ‘Singing in the Rain’) fiddlerBob roamed the bar, japing both with the regulars and those in the audience who, like myself, had sought out the venue for the band specifically.

Between excursions he would return to the ‘stage’ for sprees of musical

grandstanding, expertly deploying a sizable array of delay and wah-wah pedals, lending the tunes a surprisingly professional oomph.

Third year student and longstanding 2Bob super-fan, Annika Hjelmskog explained the duo’s appeal: “These timeless wonders take pub music to a thigh slapping, hand-clapping, plasticky Jesus new level.

Pure joy!”

In other words, 2Bob have an unexpected vitality on stage, and a potent ability to rouse a crowd into a frenzy; pub music at its finest. What is more, their gigs are free and unavoidably regular. They must play a different pub every night of the year. How quintessentially York!

scrap metal stake out across Croydon last week produced an unlikely result. Aside from 500kg of BP telephone exchange batteries, 3 stolen push-bikes and 21 arrests the police found an Ivor Novella award. Offered for outstanding British song writing, the owner of the prestigious award is unknown.

Speculation has suggested Robbie Williams and Cher to be the most likely victims of this presumed theft.

Rumours of a high-profile collaboration have been circulating New York. U2 fanclub atu2.com have spotted Chris Martin entering the Electric Lady studios. Whilst bands aside from U2 have been working in the same building, recent sightings of Martin and Bono have been enough to spark speculation and excite Radio 2 fans.

A year after the original Sugababes band members reformed as Mutya Keisha Siobhan, a new single has been scheduled for release.

Called ‘Flatline’ and produced by Light Speed Champion’s Dev Heinz the record promises a return to the golden era of early 2000s pop.

Velvet Underground frontman, Gorillaz collaborator and previous heroine party boy Lou Reed has narrowly escaped death. Benefiting from a liver transplant, Reed took to Facebook to say: “I am a triumph of modern medicine, physics and chemistry.

I am bigger and stronger than ever.

My Chen Taiji and health regiment has served me well all of these years, thanks to Master Ren Guang-yi. I look forward to being on stage performing, and writing more songs to connect with your hearts and spirits and the universe well into the future.”

Pussy Riot member Maria Alyokhina has ended an 11 day hunger strike this week. Protesting the treatment of other prisoners, fourth year journalism student Alyokhina concluded the strike following concessions on conditions and treatment of the prisoners being made by the prison board.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers have started work of their 11th studio album. “We’re probably looking at getting together in September and getting on a roll and starting to write songs for the next record,” drummer Chad Smith told Billboard magazine.

“We always have little ideas percolating in jams and rehearsal.”

Singer Miguel has been in trouble recently for kicking a woman in the face in a failed crowd surf. Questioned after the gig Miguel admitted ”Everybody out there, that s**t was funny. I’m laughing at it now.”

Scene

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

FIL The Hangover

Silver Linings Playbook

The A- Team

Limitless

The Place Beyond The Pines

The Hangover Part III

Wedding Crashers

Bradley Cooper’s career-o-graph

2002

The Palm d’Or (Best Film) – La Vie d’Adele - Chapitre 1 & 2 (“Blue is the Warmest Colour”) by Abdellatif Kechiche (France) The prestigious Palm d’Or (best film) had been relatively easy to predict in the past two years. In 2011 ‘The Tree of Life’ staring Brad Pitt, and in 2012 Oscar winning ‘Amour’ were sure winners from the onset. This year’s book adaptation Blue is the warmest colour was an unexpected yet fitting win. With same-sex marriage being recently legalised in France, the 3-hour explicit lesbian love story was a timely winner. The film follows the relationship of two French students played by Lea Seydoux and Adele Exarchopoulos the nature of which has split critics some calling it a romance, and others a graphic lesbian drama.

The Coen Brothers acclaimed Inside Llewyn Davis had to settle for the Grand Prix (runner-up). The jury led by Steven Spielberg, made a number of bold and unexpected choices, which has put Cannes back on the map after a number of unexciting festivals.

2006

2004

2012

2010

CANNES FILM FESTIVAL 2013 The most surprising festival ever?

Katherine Hibberd investigates.

Best Actor – Bruce Dern in Nebraska

Hollywood veteran Bruce Dern who is know for his unusual choice in roles; staring in Monster, Last Man Standing, and Coming home, was named best actor for his role in Alexander Payne’s Nebrakska. Normally typecast as a villain or psychopath, he is seen in a new light, playing an alcoholic father who becomes convinced that a sweepstake pamphlet will make him a millionaire. The black and white film, set in the American Mid-West was tipped for success in the best-film category. Dern’s success went against the bookies predictions, which were heavily in favour of Michael Douglas’s performance as the famous gay pianist Liberace in Behind The Candelabra. The actor had no expectation of winning having flown home, leaving Payne to receive it for him.

Best Director - ‘Heli’ by Amat Escalante (Mexico) The most shocking win of all however was the award for best director. This went to little known Mexican filmmaker Amat Escalante for his bold and violent Heli. The film focuses on the bloodied hands of those involved in Mexico’s drug obsessed underworld. It features upsetting scenes such as a dog being strangled and torture involving the burning of genitals. Definitely not recommended for the squeamish. Escalante made a point of arguing that his film is an accurate portrayal of drug gangs and human debauchery, in contemporary Mexico, and that he wouldn’t leave scenes out just to please critics.

The jury’s decision was an unexpected and refreshing testament to honest filmaking.

T O P

5

Hangover Movies With summer getting into full swing, Katie Molloy and Karl Tomusk rate the best movies to watch whilst nursing a hangover

Mean Girls (2004)

Harry Potter (20012011)

A perfect addition to your bacon sandwich ensemble, Mean Girls combines Tina Fey’s undeniable wit with high school, ensuring 97 minutes of hilarity, ideal for when you are feeling the lowest of the low. This masterpiece captures failures as bad as yours from last night, and then some.

If your hangover is particularly bad, and you are aware that you are going to be out of action for the whole day, a movie collection could be the best medicine.

Harry Potter has eight movies, providing you with over 19 hours of non-stop, mindless viewing time. With magic. It is excellent.

UP (2009) So after waking up feeling truly awful about your life and everything in it, you should definitely watch this brilliant modern Pixar classic. The first 20 minutes will put some perspective on your unfortunate state. This adventure is guaranteed to lift you out of your post-Willow depression.

Notting Hill (1999)

Toy Story (1995)

Hugh Grant shows men how the bumbling-English-gent routine can win you a woman miles out of your league. This might not have anything to do with your experiences from the other night, buy it might just sometime work. There is apparently hope for all of us no matter what Conrad told you last year.

Much like Andy lost his toys, you lost your dignity last night. And in both cases it was after getting a Buzz. Now, we’re not saying this is a metaphor for your night in Willow, but it is. This classic childhood tale of friendship and a quest for acceptance will mirror all the emotions you’re going through.

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

REVIEWS

The Hangover Part III T his film smashes any preconceptions one might have about the predictability of the last film in the Hangover trilogy. Period. Director Todd Phillips not only overcomes the criticism from the previous instalment in the series, that is was effectively a carbon copy of the original story line, but he creates something hilarious, innovative and heart-warming.

The film kicks off two years after the events in Bangkok; with the renowned international criminal, Leslie Chow (Ken Jeong) escaping from a maximum-security Thai prison. It cuts to Alan’s (Zach Galifianakis) home where, as a result of stress induced by Alan managing to kill a giraffe and close the whole freeway, his father has a heart attack.

After the funeral the Wolfpack decide to stage an intervention for Alan (who at this point is quite frankly insanely brilliant, every word that comes out of the man’s mouth is pure comedic gold) and take him to a rehabilitation clinic.

Sadly on the way they are forced off the road by an infamous character known as ‘Marshall’ (John Goodman) who, as it happens, is Black Doug’s boss, the dealer who sold Alan roofies in the first film, thus sparking off this epic saga. Marshall informs them that as the last known contacts of Mr Chow, he is holding them personally responsible for the $21 million in gold Chow stole from him.

The rest of the film unfolds with the Wolfpack. By this I

Epic

D

irector Chris Wedge has previous form in animated family fair with the original Ice Age, proving he can provide amiable characterisation with good thrills. Here, however he falls short of his own high watermark.

Epic stars Amanda Seyfried as MK, an isolated teen magically shrunk down to tiny proportions and forced to take part in a battle between good and evil in a magical forest behind her back garden.

The tiny people in the forest idea is a compelling one, as is the journey of the hero. There are no shortage of tried and tested ideas here that should work, but don’t, and therein lies the problem. The crammed script jumps from one idea to another, making it difficult to get a real grasp on anything much at all.

The voice cast is hit and miss too, with the ever reliable Christoph Waltz nailing it as the sinister baddie Mandrake, and Colin Farrell giving good Gaelic as the gruff foot soldier Ronin.

Elsewhere though, the blatant stunt casting of Beyonce as the bizarrely sassy Queen is jarring, and the rest just seem to blend into the background.

On the plus side Wedge is a genuinely skilled filmmaker, and Epic is certainly not short of its fair share of positive attributes. It is truly lovely to look at, with the CGI artists doing a cracking job of oversizing the forest, and manufacturing some dazzling backdrops for a host of surprisingly entertaining and hair raising action sequences.

Overall the film is engaging in parts and offers some decent action, but struggles under the weight of too-many-cooks, and ultimately ends up being less than the sum of its parts. Adults will probably struggle to find a great deal to write home about, but it’s harmless fun for the kids and that’s all that matters.

Thomas Shutt

mean Stu, Phil and Alan, because of course Doug has been taken hostage and is therefore missing out on all the fun, chasing Mr Chow across Mexico and eventually back to the suite in Caesar’s Palace where everything started.

The film very successfully wraps up loose ends, bringing a hilarious close to the Hangover trilogy.

Phillips even manages to emotionally develop each character, between the under-currents of homoerotic tension in the Phil/Alan relationship and shots of strippers (you can’t make a Hangover film without strippers somewhere).

There is a particularly touching scene where Alan reunites with the baby, Carlos, from the original film and pours out his heart, telling of his regrets of not being a better son. As you would hope, The Hangover Part III does include a few of the best comedic moments seen throughout the trilogy, such as Mr Chow paragliding through Vegas screaming “I Love Cocaine!” and Alan dropping

After Earth

A

fter Earth stars real life father and son, Will and Jaden Smith as General Cypher Raige and his son Kitai, in a distant future where earth is inhabitable for environmental reasons.

After their new planet is infested with giant aliens that are entirely blind except for their ability to smell fear, Cypher becomes famous for his skill of eliminating fear and thus being invisible.

In an effort to bond, they go on a space mission together, but a meteor storm kills all other crew members and forces them to crash land on Earth, where everything has inexplicably evolved to be as deadly as possible. Kitai must prove himself to his now injured father by going on a lone mission, and overcoming his entirely rational fear of a painful death to defeat the aliens.

The ‘return to earth’ theme is strange; you’d think there might be an environmental message that would challenge the audience to respect the planet ,or at least consider why it’s uninhabited, but After Earth never mentions it.

As an actor famous for his charisma, Will Smith has been bizarrely cast as a man whose sole trait is a complete lack of emotion. Similarly, Jaden, who takes the leading role, is unconvincing. It is hard to know if it is the fault of the script or his acting, but it is impossible to make any kind of engagement with him. The CGI is too much, the pace is painfully slow, and all the trials that Kitai must overcome have no relation to the character drama, and just feel like they were picked at random from a hat. The story doesn’t really go anywhere, it just aimlessly plods along.

After Earth, although occasionally pretty to look at, is simply a dull film.

The plot holes are massive, and you can’t care about the characters.

Joshua Treacy

his trousers in a pawnshop after initiating sexual advances on the manager. The jokes are both original and beautifully written. Sex, drugs, animals: this film has it all.

The ending is also genius on Phillips’ part, finishing in a very circular fashion with another wedding and subsequent ‘Hangover’ of hilarious consequences. It almost feels like he has taken a course on creative writing and maybe even poetry.

But don’t get your hopes up too much, this film does disappoint on two issues; firstly there are no snapshots in the end credits of Stu’s hilarious sexual exploits and secondly, Mike Tyson is obviously missing.

Besides that, though, the third part of this modern classic trilogy will leave fans satisfied and the rest of the audience wondering why it’s currently sitting at a measly 20% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Jonathan Lloyd-Evans

The Purge

A

merica 2022: a society that annually legalises any and all crime for 12 hours. It reveals, and is used to abolish, all of the hatred against society and its conventions hidden deep down inside each person. These 12 hours ensure that this inherent disgust remains controlled, and does not leak out into day-to-day life.

Ethan Hawke portrays the head of a wealthy family, fooled into thinking that this annual event would not affect them as they are protected by a security system lock down, designed and sold to the whole neighbourhood by him. They were quite clearly the only ones who were fooled, as not even the 15 year-olds that populated most of the movie theatre were sucked in by the tension and suspense, attempted to be conveyed through every horror movie cliché imaginable.

There was the sex scene, the power cut, the cellar, the hiding under the bed, the ‘unavoidable’ situation of all the characters being split up, the use of an axe in a ridiculous killing topped off with a crazy public school boy of a villain who carries a shot gun.

Although it featured the excellent Lena Headey, the script did not allow any sympathetic communication between this family of four, a family that is neither realistic nor believable. This made it incredibly difficult to connect to the characters. The whole thing felt incredibly forced, masking the actors’ talents.

The film’s narrative had the potential to make the viewers consider certain moral values. There was a turning point that prompted a ‘what would you do?’ response, but this was short lived. This film left me really disappointed and I really would not recommend it. Ever. Well, that is unless you want an 85-minute lesson on how not to make a horror movie.

Katie Molloy

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

THE FUTURE O

TOM DAVIES and KARL TOMUSK discuss the c

I

’ve woken up many times in my life, and by all accounts I plan to keep said honoured tradition going for a while yet. But never have I had quite such an experience doing so as the time I awoke face down in a straw trilby hat inside a tent deep in the heart of Berkshire, dislodged my elbow from a crushed beer can and turned to hear the sounds of a man outside my tent quoting The Lord of the Rings at the top of his voice. That was the second day of Reading Festival 2011, it was my second ever music festival, the first being a small local affair called 2000 Trees back in Gloucestershire.

From that day I developed a small obsession with festivals, it was so much more and so much better than any summer lads’ holiday could ever be, I surmised.

In Britain, the summer festival is something of an obsession amongst a significant portion of the population. Only a country such as ours could garner such enjoyment out of spending a weekend in a country field, reduced by the end into a ravaged bog perhaps surpassed only by Paschendale in 1917.

The British festival experience is a battle against alcohol, the elements and all reasonable expectations of personal hygiene.

But where does the festival go from here? The big games in town such as Festival Republic and Virgin (because Virgin are a big game in every town, obviously) have

consistently reported a decline in ticket sales in recent years, and are now struggling to turn a profit. The increased costs of hiring big name acts is attributed as one of the economic causes of the problem: the cost of hiring Jay-Z to perform at Glastonbury 2008 nearly bankrupted the festival. But many of those involved in the industry feel there are other factors at play, namely as Glastonbury organiser Michael Eavis has articulated, people have just “seen it all before”.

reached a critical point last year, with the 2012 Olympics taking a huge toll on the festival industry, with many of the big names such as Glastonbury and The Big Chill announcing early that their festivals would be taking a year off. Others such as Sonisphere attempted to carry on, but were forced to cancel after poor ticket sales. In the case of Sonisphere it was rumoured that the festival was only able to sell 10,000 out of the possible 80,000 tickets available, leading some, such as

Only a country such as our could garner such enjoyment out of spending a weekend in a rural field reduced by the end into a ravaged bog perhaps surpassed only by Paschendale in 1917.

In my own case, my interest in festivals has certainly dipped of late; I have no present plans to attend one this year. Perhaps I, who, at the grand old age of 19, already reached a kind of jaded, home comforts mentality normally found in men in their 70s, have finally become too world weary to spend four days unwashed in a field. But it seems like there might be a trend emerging from those who don’t place the same stock as I in a hot bath.

The situation looked as if it had

Eavis, to question whether the festival bubble had burst.

James McMahon, editor of Kerrang said of the issue: “There’s too many festivals full stop and, with the recession, I think everyone has money worries”. McMahon also feels that big names in music, particularly rock are no longer the sellout powerhouses they once were in the heydays of AC/DC and Nirvana. Many festivals are attempting to attract a different, less traditional crowd of festival goers with a new breed of act from other genres or with big names of yesteryear, appealing to the nostalgia element.

The rise of less festival orientated music like Dubstep and House in recent years can also be partially attributed, with even big chart toppers from pop and RnB no longer bringing in such a broad base of punter as they did when Jay-Z headlined Glastonbury back in 2008.

However, as the large, more established festivals hit hard times, many smaller, independent festivals have been performing staggeringly well, such as the rapidly growing Bestival, the pet project of DJ and record producer Rob Da Bank, whose fiefdom now stretches to other independent festivals such as Camp Bestival. Bestival is joined by other small festivals that have seen a dramatic increase in popularity over the last few years such as Secret Garden Party and End of the Road. Is the indie festival the future of festivals? Rob Da Bank certainly seems to think so. He built his independent festival empire on an ethos of “love over glory” and feels this is the factor that allows it to endure against his more corporate competitors.

Da Bank and many other Indie festival curators feel that the festival has lost touch with its roots. It may not quite be the 1960s anymore, but the feeling amongst the indie festival crowd is that the idea and spirit behind festivals should still be, as the website of 2000 Trees festival eloquently put it “An Organic Labour of Love”. A little hard to quantify perhaps, but the core sentiment is clear. The festival was in many ways the last great bastion of communitarianism, hippy free spirits from the ever encroaching JCB of consumerism and corporatisation. Now even festivals have become a business, a thing which some believe is the antithesis of everything a festival was supposed to represent, because I mean, like, they have them in fields.

Now obviously the fact that people who run small, alternative music festivals are just a tiny bit pseudo-Marxist in their outlook is clearly earth shattering news. But it’s not just them who seem to feel this way, indeed it’s not just constrained to music. In recent years every time the Cannes Film Festival and Edinburgh Festival roll around we hear similar complaints, and from a variety of different voices.

Is this a sign of something greater?

Have we reached the moment that many independent, arty critics of

big business and its influence in the arts have being prophesying since time immemorial? Is capitalism, for want of a better word, destroying the arts?

As early back as 2008 there was an article in The Independent accusing Cannes of being in severe decline. The piece pointed to the festival of 1996, where the part for the release of Danny Boyle’s Trainspotting erupted into widespread hedonism even by the standards of the film community.

Cannes has a seemin ability to decide whet preciation of ar The film and its cast took the festival by storm and Cannes erupted into Trainspotting fever. Flash forward to 2006 when the Da Vinci Code was largely panned by critics, but to little avail. The huge levels of money and marketing behind it meant the film essentially overtook the festival in a coup, with the poor reviews of the day becoming a distant memory. And so the film still opened to huge crowds at the box office. For this reason, along with the perceived snubbing of smaller,

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OF FESTIVALS

commercialisation and decline of arts festivals the Dan Brown effect that seems to crop up at Cannes from time to time isn’t necessarily the direction festivals have to take. Combining over 24,000 performers in nearly 3,000 shows, Fringe has something planned for any lover of the arts and is in itself something of a microcosm for the entire arts world.

For three weeks, the historic Scottish city becomes an eclectic collection of comedians, musicians, and actors. There’s so much going on at any given moment that no one can hope to see even a fraction of what the festival has to offer. It’s a bubble of sheer creativity and talent.

formances, corporately-backed or otherwise, is staggering and gives us hope that we aren’t doomed to a complete industrialization of the arts.

Something of that scope does naturally bring its own share of problems, though. Does anyone actually think that every comedian on that exhaustive list of acts is funny? Obviously not. But in some ways, isn’t that the point? Every artistic field is subjective, appealing to different audiences and consisting of both the Kubricks and the Shyamalans of the world. It’s our job as casual fans or obsessive con-

Every artistic field is subjective, appealing to different audiences and consisting of both the Kubricks and the Shyamalans of the world.

less commercially viable projects which later went on to be huge successes, it becomes clear: Cannes has a seemingly schizophrenic inability to decide whether it is about an appreciation of art or commerce.

Its quite clear that Cannes represents, much like music festivals, the ever-growing primacy of the business and commercial aspect over the artistic element, finally taking the fight to their last bastion of highbrow, artistic solitude. It seems that critical reception is now

ngly schizophrenic inther it is about an aprt or commerce. no longer relevant, with the opinions of the late Roger Ebert and his ilk, so learned in the art, not having the faintest impact on box office sales and thus, not providing the incentive to stop the studios making them, or festivals from promoting them. Ultimately it would appear that the cinema-goers themselves have completely lost interest in the views of the experts, which whilst on the one hand has something of a ring of a populist victory, but on the other, was exactly what gave us

those last couple of Transformers movies.

Admittedly, we are only taking into account summer blockbusters, which are almost categorically reviled by critics, loved by teenage boys, and year in, year out hailed as the fourth horseman of the nonexistent cinematic apocalypse. Outside of this, cinema remains just as strong as it ever was, despite independent films by their very nature never receiving the attention that big studios should give them. The real losers of this struggle between selling tickers and making art have been mid-sized projects, or risky bets for studios. But No Country for Old Men and its like were huge successes without the help of Cannes, winning a considerable amount of respect in the process from the ever growing crowd, who do tire of the culture of endless sequels. In the end, the solution to this problem is simple bravery on the part of the studios, a willingness to take on a gutsy project in the lieu of yet another Shrek film. What part Cannes will play in this in the future, however, seems to be dependent on whether another Da Vinci Code can wriggle itself into the festival.

Edinburgh Fringe, this year taking place from 2-26 August, is the biggest arts festival in the world and goes to some lengths to prove that

Of course, just like any other big festival, there are high-profile acts that get mentioned whenever Fringe is brought up. These acts bring in people and sell tickets like hotcakes because, let’s face it, those running the festival do need to make it a commercial success.

But at Fringe there’s so much more.

I skimmed through the festival’s official programme, and I was astounded by its ludicrous size. The list of comedy acts alone took up pages 36 to 169, and that was just one category. Theatre took 90 pages to cover, and music took another 40. The amount of events and per-

noisseurs to find what works for us, what inspires and moves us. If we have to be spoon-fed what’s considered good and what isn’t, we’ll end up in a world of shoddy festivals that seem to follow the same pattern every single year, with acts that by now have given up any pretence of artistic integrity.

But if we’re given an experience that can encompass both the commercial and the niche, a festival that celebrates every variety of creativity and expression and which mirrors the undeniable scope of what we can define as ‘art’, maybe we don’t have to be cynical about

the future of festivals. When one city puts its everyday life on hold for a month so that performers and the public can come together for artistic appreciation, we witness something beautiful. Sure, there are corporate sponsors, indeed they are an inescapable fact of life, but that means very little in the long run.

Ultimately it’s worth wagering that the arts will endure. Like all things of an intrinsically subjective nature, it takes a specialised eye to realise something extraordinary, and although at times those specialied eyes no longer seem to be the ones who make the calls, they will band together in their bolt holes and continue to fight their cause.

In recent years arts for the connoisseur has become what it always was in the traditions of painting and sculpture: niche and exclusive. But, for those who enjoy and appreciate it, what’s there not to like about only sharing your clubhouse with your fellow enthusiasts, people who can appreciate creative expression for its artistic value?

Festivals might be going for the lowest common denominator, trying to attract the widest possible audience while haemorrhaging money faster than I did last week in Evil Eye, but that’s not the whole story. Smaller or more inclusive events exist to prove that regardless of how far Dan Brown will go to churn out his style of half-digested verbal diarrhoea, art is no closer to dying. There’s something out there for everyone; we just have to remember there are options other than Glastonbury.

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TELEVISION IT’S A NO FROM ME

Reality TV competitions are in trouble. ANGUS QUINN passes judgement...

D

ecember 2012: The biggest show on television, gives us James Arthur as its winner. There are euphoric cheers, lashings of confetti and the usual plug that the single is, in case anyone was in doubt, out now. Except shockingly Arthur isn’t actually a stunning musical talent. His voice is grating and he has the stage presence of an aubergine.

In 2013, The X-Factor is suffering from what television critics are calling ‘reality fatigue’.

The singing competition format is over a decade old, and the musical talent pool that produced Leona Lewis has dried up. The show’s failed to deliver the next big star since 2009. The same critique can be labelled at Britain’s Got Talent, which peaked with Susan Boyle in 2009.

The show could probably only be revived by Cowell’s personal intervention, though even that cannot disguise the fact that the once unassailable Cow-

ell Reality Empire is in trouble.

This decline is symptomatic of the whole genre of singing reality competitions. The Idol franchise is suffering the slow, painful death of its flagship show American Idol whose ratings have plummeted, and winners have of late been utterly forgettable. The Voice UK is faring even more woefully than X-Factor, with truly embarrassing live ratings for a prime time Saturday night show. Although X-Factor’s setup might be creaking, the bitchiness of the judges is at least more entertaining than Jessie J gushing at how amazing every contestant is.

Tastes in Reality TV have moved on. People don’t care about singing competitions anymore – they’re old, predictable and not as entertaining as in their heyday. People are not concerned about James Arthur and whether his career’s going to go anywhere – people are concerned about the real life drama

of shows like The Only Way is Essex and Made in Cheslea.

The format for these shows is depressingly simple. Producers scout out a location and find a central character, almost exclusively a girl, Lauren Conrad in The Hills or Caggie Dunlop in Made in Chelsea. They draw upon relationships that may or may not actually exist to weave a trashy but utterly engrossing web of love triangles, back-stabbing, and dozens of establishing shots of the location in question.

People may have doubted the fortitude of the brand with the announcement of The Only Way is Essex in 2010, but now on the eve of its Ninth Series, few can doubt the success of structured reality. It provides the perfect escapism. It is mind-numbingly simple. The characters all fit neatly into stereotypes, so you know exactly whom to root for and whom to rant about on Twitter, and quite simply they

provide far more entertainment than the singing competitions have for a long time. The ‘glamorous’ lives of the stars of Made in Chelsea and The Only Way Is Essex are simply more enticing than what fashion disaster Tulisa’s going to wear on Saturday night. Sorry X-Factor, but I think your time is over.

SWEET! The current series of Good News is on great form, and a welcome revision break to lift the spirits.

The BAFTA-winning chat show king is as brilliant as ever - did you SEE the Will Smith episode?

Get ready for shrieks of ‘Shut Up’, as everyone’s favourite orange Essex boys and girls head to Marbs.

R.I.P. SKINS

SARAH CATTLE waves goodbye to the hedonistic teenagers of yesteryear

I

t was announced last year that the seventh series of Skins would be the show’s last, news many had been expecting for a while. Ask practically any university student about Skins, and you’ll almost always hear: “The first season was good, but the second gen-

eration were rubbish.”

Say what you like about Skins, there’s no question that, in its prime, it was groundbreaking, shocking and had many young people (as well as curious older viewers) at the edge of their seats, ready to discuss the cast’s antics the next

day at school. The youth drama quickly became notorious for its dark humour, frank writing, quirky styling and the explicit banter of the hedonistic teenagers.

It also launched the careers of some of our generation’s most promising actors and ac-

tresses: X-Men’s Nicholas Hoult, Slumdog Millionaire star Dev Patel and Wuthering Heights beauty Kaya Scodelario to name a few. We’ll certainly be tuning in this July, when old favourites Cassie, Effy and Cook return for the mini series set in the characters’ futures: Skins Redux.

The people behind Waterloo Road need a schooling in when to end a show that has gone on too long.

Skins has been on British television for six seasons, with three generations of characters. Can you tell the series from each of these screenshots? Answers below.

B.

C.

D.

E.

F.

The quality deterioration on Glee really is astounding. Each song makes the show’s title more ironic.

How has The Voice become so dull? Jessie J’s incessant gushing has gotten tedious very quickly.

Answers: A.1, B.4, C.6, D.5, E.2, F.3

A.

SOUR...

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TWEET US: @YORKVISIONTV

HORRIBLE BOSSES

The US Office’s MICHAEL SCOTT VS The UK Office’s DAVID BRENT...

1.“You know what they say... fool me once, strike two. But fool me twice... strike three.”

(WIN) 2. Organising a sponsored run to raise money to help find the cure for a disease for which a cure had already been found.

3. Dressing up as imaginary characters. Michael Klump, Michael Wonka, Michael Scarn, Blind Guy McSqueezy, Prison Mike...

Michael Scott (Steve Carrell), Regional Manager of the Scranton branch of the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company

1. Best Quote

2. Best Moment

3. Most Impressive Skill

1. “Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.”

2. Finally standing up to Finchy in the last episode, after years of put-downs from his ‘best mate’. (WIN) 3. His dancing, hands down.

David sure knows how to kill the party with his awkward moves. YouTube this NOW. (WIN)

4. “You are a waste of life and you should just give up.” Oh Michael... (WIN)

4. Best Comeback

4. “That’s not offensive - it was the forties as well, before racism was bad, innit.”

5. Michael finally finds his equal in Holly Flax, his soup snake... or soulmate. (WIN)

5. Best Love Interest

5. There are glimpses of hope, but poor David never quite finds a lady in The Office.

It’s a controversial call, 3-2 to Michael Scott. Since the first episode of the American remake of the British comedy, Michael has evolved into an even more hilarious (and likeable) version of David. David might be the original, but Michael wins this time.

David Brent (Ricky Gervais), general manager of the Slough branch of the Wernham–Hogg paper merchants

VISION’S TV PREVIEWS

ANGUS QUINN takes a look at some summer series to look forward to...

90210

BRITAIN AND IRELAND’S NEXT TOP MODEL

TRUE BLOOD

Just in time to make us all thoroughly depressed about the appalling British summer weather, 90210 is set to return to our screens on E4 this summer for its final season. Trashy television at its best, the sun-drenched hedonistic lives of the Hollywood twenty-somethings has been unmissable for five years, largely through the accident of 90210’s appalling continuity, meaning you literally don’t know what’s going to happen next. Led by the resolutely entertaining Naomi Clark (Annalyne McCord), fans of the series can expect a delicious cocktail of weddings, scandal, heartbreak and love. The cattiness between Silver (Jessica Stroup) and Adrianna (Jessica Lowndes) remains as poisonous and pleasing as ever, while the romantic fate of 90210’s star-crossed lovers Liam (Matt Lanter) and Annie (Shenae Grimes) heads towards its conclusion.

Elle ‘The Body’ Macpherson returns to host the search for Britain and Ireland’s next modelling superstar. Male supermodel Tyson Beckford, with claim to fame as a model in Britney Spears’s iconic ‘Toxic’ video, returns to the show alongside new judge, proven reality darling Dannii Minogue, replacing outgoing Whitney Port and Julian McDonald. The makeover episode is must-watch summer TV, with the models being subjected to varyingly terrific, traumatic or terrifying transformations, with at least one girl normally being lumped with a horrendous hair colour. Combining the increasingly elaborate photo shoots of recent years with glamorous overseas working locations and a gaggle of guest appearances from celebrities, Britain and Ireland’s Next Top Model is sure to be a summer TV staple.

Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) remains the heart of the show, as an unfortunate telepath caught up in the schemes of the supernaturals of Louisiana. The show’s main strength remains in the dynamic chemistry between Sookie and her rival love interests – Bill (Stephen Moyer), Eric (Alexander Skarsgard) and Alcide (Joe Manganiello).

The other virtue of True Blood is that uniquely for the genre everyone knows Vampires exist, adding a realistic licence that is fully exploited, offering a radical take on a previously one-dimensional genre. The relentless pace leaves you absolutely addicted to goings on in Bon Temps, and with the colourful cast of characters, True Blood cannot fail to succeed in keeping your attention for weeks on end – especially with the tantalizing cliff-hangers that close the majority of episodes.

E4, Season 5, this summer

Sky Living, Cycle 9, June 13th, 9pm

Fox UK, Season 6, June 16th, 10pm

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BOOKS WHAT’S ON MY Kindle...

ANGUS QUINN A DANCE WITH DRAGONS: PART 2 AFTER THE FEAST

George R. R. Martin A Song of Ice and Fire, is surely one of the most addictive series ever written.

After five books, Martin’s story remains as engrossing as ever, and I cannot wait for the next in the series!

DEAD AFTER EVER

Charlaine Harris

REVIEW: Rock Harder by Anna Ghislena

A

nna Ghislena’s Rock Harder is perhaps not a book you will see taking pride of place on a WH Smiths bookshelf. It is clearly designed for a niche audience, but it’s certainly not one to be dismissed totally out of hand.

Ghislena’s book stars Zoe, a mid twenties former rock chick whose humdrum life as a nursery assistant is shattered by a opportunity to reclaim the forgotten revelry of her slashed tights and nose ring sporting youth. The arrival of an anonymous postcard sparks a journey into a buried past. Zoe forms her own Mötley Crüe consisting of a porn agent, a adrenaline junkie, a spiteful drug dealer, Jess, Zoe’s best friend and champagne enthusiast, a struggling rock band, and a former clergyman

L

ab-lit - as it is referred to was a new experience for me, and I really wished I could say I enjoyed it.

TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD

An undoubted classic, Lee’s story endures as a truly moving novel, pertinently portraying southern 1930s segregation through the innocent eyes of a child. A true must read.

be sure to raise a smile on the face of many a former

rocker, now resigned to the nine to five bump and grind.

Ghislena herself has said that her life was forever changed when she discovered Blondie. From that moment onwards “the damage was done”, and after her “baptism” into heavy metal at a Megadeath concert she has been a self-proclaimed metal head.

Rock Harder, her first ever fictional novel, is inspired by the “animalistic qualities of live rock music as an allconsuming, breath-taking and physical presence”.” It taught Ghilsena to “rock harder”, and the novel lends itself to helping readers to discover their inner “dark horse.” This is a enlightening read, and certainly worth a peruse, even if you have no previous interest in the genre.

Tom Davies

REVIEW: Through the Glass Ceiling by The Lady Professor

The last chapter in Sookie Stackhouse’s hectic life combines gorgeous supernaturals and the familiar setting of Bon Temps, for a rewarding finish to a far superior fantasy romance series than any of Stephenie Meyer’s rubbish.

Harper Lee

with a few secretes of his own..

Zoe battles with her morality as she is seduced by the allure of sex, drugs and tattoo parlours. The book follows her highs and lows before the past inevitably resurfaces and changes her life for her own good.

Cue a slew of rock’n’roll clichés which would make the likes of Jack Black and Spinal Tap blush.

For a non-enthusiast of the genre, no doubt Rock Harder will strike you as a dreary, piece of groupie AC/ DC fan fiction. But the book’s themes of nostalgia, of reclaiming the joys and dreams of youth will

A

n annual literature festival founded in 1988 by Norman and Peter Florence around a kitchen table.

The Hay Festival of Literature & Arts is held to celebrate great writing from a variety of interests, this year, the invited special guests included illustrator Quentin Blake, Professor Mark Welland and writer Mariella Frostrup.

The Hay Festival takes place

Lab-lit is based on the idea of combining high-brow social commentary with chick literature to deliver a powerful message on the struggle women go through the glass ceiling to get to the top in their workplace.

Through the Glass Ceiling, however, did nothing but infuriate me. The Lady Professor boasted of her greatness for 400 pages with small intermissions of ‘humorous’ moaning about her desolate love life and her vibrator-induced orgasms. The author, while very skilled and successful in science, is not a great writer, using monosyllabic fluff to fill the pages.

One positive is that the book is very easy to read and so I did not waste much of my time on it, but I truly hope that nobody else wastes theirs either. I also interviewed the anonymous au-

thor to get her thoughts about the book.

Tom: What made you want to write the book?

The Lady Professor: I think women have a different perspective about life in universities and I wanted to air some of the issues. Of course, the examples are exaggerated to give them more force.

T: Why do you hide behind ‘The Lady Professor’?

TLP: It’s easier to say things without wondering what my colleagues will think of me.

T: Will you reveal your identity?

TLP: No (see the answer to the

previous question).

T: Do you think that there is such a thing as the glass ceiling in today’s working environment?

TLP: I know that universities bend over backwards to try to remove structural elements of a glass ceiling, yet the number of full professors who are female remains low. Part of this can be explained by biology, because some of us have a family and life outside work, but this can’t be the whole explanation.

I gave some examples in the book of how a male-dominated environment can act to minimise the contributions of female staff.

Tom Armston-Clarke

SPOTLIGHT: Hay Festival of Literature & Arts in the beautiful town of Hayon-Wye in Wales for ten days. A

camping village is set up where people can pitch up a tent but many choose to stay in the surrounding B&Bs and hotels. The Hay Festival has also expanded internationally to sister festivals taking place in exotic locations such as Nairobi, The Maldives and Beirut.

Laughs are delivered plentifully by many popular comedians/writers each night. This year features Ed Byrne, Ruby

Wax, Katy Brand, Lee Mack, Dara O Briain, Mark Watson, and many more.

The festival fosters and promotes the idea of a meeting of the minds and an exchange of views, which is emphasised throughout. In recent years, a Hay Fever festival has been set up for children, young families, teenagers and programmes for schools.

Morenike Adebayo

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TWEET US: @YORKVISIONBOOKS EMAIL US: books@yorkvision.co.uk

Got a min? The rise of flash fiction South African novelist, essayist, and winner of the 2003 Nobel Prize for Literature. Oona Venermo looks at J.M. Coetzee’s literary highlights

1974: Dusklands

Coetzee’s first novel critiques the strong legacies of colonialism, imperialism and the apartheid in modern western society.

1986: Foe

Intertwined into the plot of Robinson Crusoe, the perspective shifts to that of a castaway sharing the island with Crusoe.

1999: Disgrace

The novel that won Coetzee the Nobel Prize follows a man’s fall from grace, losing his reputation, his job and his peace of mind.

2013: The Childhood of Jesus Already coined as “an early contender for the Booker Prize”, his latest novel is a tale of immigration, determination and love.

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T

he Man Booker International Prize has been awarded to short story writer Lydia Davis, whose works are often less than three pages long, whilst some consist of only one sentence.

The genre of the short story, and more recently, ‘flash fiction’ is fast becoming a popular form of literature, both to read and create. The Man Booker International Prize has been awarded to short story writers for the past three years, although one of this year’s judges, Christopher Ricks, stated that he was unsure how to categorise Davis’ works: “Stories? Anecdotes?...Jokes?”

The increasing centrality of social networks in society ensures expressions of thought are contained within a limited number of characters. The Tube’s “Poems on the Underground” scheme exposes the public to short, concise poetry which is quick to read; Lydia Davis herself has even considered writing her fiction on Twitter, whilst The Telegraph has suggested we should “appreciate the potential of Twitter as an art form.”

Davis’ awarding-winning flash fiction has been hailed as a “new form for the short story”, leading the trend towards shorter

and arguably more accessible literature.

The conciseness of flash fiction can be considered to be the quality which makes it so popular in Western society.

From students and full time workers to full time parents, many people often say they wish they had more time to read the books they want to read, not the ones they must for their course or job.

In fact, it has become widely considered a luxury to have the time to sit down and read, with many people only reading for pleasure whilst on holiday. Is the emergence of flash fiction and its rising popularity running parallel alongside Western society’s increasing insistence on condensing the small pleasures of life into efficient chunks?

Fast food is a common presence in our lives, with the focus centred not on the enjoyment of the food but rather necessity of it. Is this similar to what we are seeing with flash fiction? Several of Davis’ stories can be read in under ten minutes, during a tea break or on the daily commute to work, allowing the reader accessibility to the world of fiction without the long term dedication that a novel may at times command.

Flash fiction is most certainly a genre to be embraced and Davis’ work, amongst others, can offer a small moment of enjoyment in the common disarray of modern life.

Oona Venermo

Summer Reads WITH NEARLY THREE MONTHS TO FILL, MORENIKE ADEBAYO CHOOSES YOUR RECOMMENDED READING...

Ghost Moth

Busted

Stick Man’s First Words

Inferno

The Ocean at the End of the Lane

Set in Northern Ireland over a period of nearly forty years, Forbes’ debut book is about lost love and the limited consolations of family. Because if you’re stuck at home under the tyranny of parents instead of travelling to sunnier climes to help build a school, you might as well ponder on heartbreak, betrayal and unfaithfulness.

You’ll be back at uni soon.

A prequel to her full-length book Unseen, out in July, Karin Slaughter’s Busted is a ripping taste of excellent crime fiction.

Detective Will Trent goes undercover to portray a dangerous-looking ex-con by the name of Bill Black. If you’re looking to freshly dip your toes into this genre, or just for something short and sweet, this might be the perfect start for you.

Let’s be honest here: you are sick of paragraphs of text with little to no pictures, paper cuts and no whimsical characters to root for. Honey, I’ve got you covered. From the excellent author-illustrator team that brought you The Gruffalo, Stick Man’s First Words will soothe your worn-out cerebral muscles after exams and remind you of a simpler time.

Centred around Dante’s Inferno, Dan Brown’s fourth book weaves a tale of mystery with renowned Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon as protagonist for the fourth time. Reading this might inspire you to complete a sudoku puzzle or crossword or perhaps to become a code cracking genius. Your next-door neighbour’s looking terribly shifty these days...

Picture the scene: a warm Summer evening, the sun is setting in a glow of pinks and oranges, children’s laughter is faintly ringing in the distance, a cat is snoozing as its tail flicks in time to some unheard tune.

But you notice none of this as you’re gripped in Gaiman’s exceptional story-telling, dynamic characters and brilliant plot pacing.

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

Technology

Top tech tweet of the week:

29 May The Register @theregister Facebook bows to pressure, vows to rid itself of sexist hate speech: Week-long campaign hits Zuck where it hurts.

Next Gen Wars: Xbox One Hardware: Let’s get the boring stuff out of the

way first. It will feature 8GB of DDR3 RAM, meaning it’s slightly less powerful than the PS4’s DDR5 offering, but the difference is negligible. It’s also got a future-proofed output offering, so it will be compatible with the next generation of TVs. A definite thumbs up.

In fact, the hardware looks great, apart from one thing: the actual console. It’s ugly, looking like the separated-at-birth twin brother of a 1980’s Betamax player. If the PS4 is even remotely svelte, I wouldn’t be surprised to see people choosing that as their lounge’s hub over Microsoft’s rather frumpy offering.

Social Gaming: In a age where every big tech

company wants to re-invent itself as the premium retailer of virtual ad space, it’s not surprise that Microsoft have tried to make things ever more socially integrated. Having said that, some of their ideas look pretty cool.

You can switch between gaming and TV instantly, bring up Skype in the sidebar, see what TV is trending and comment on your friends latest 5-0 destruction at FIFA. This is bound to become indispensable when it comes to enforcing who wears the hat of shame on the next night out (or whatever punishments your particular group has in place for such moments of glory).

Controller: Not a huge amount

Kinect: This actually looks awesome. It’s gone way beyond the gimmicky introduction it had to the 360, and will be in charge of the voice commands, gesture control and player recognition at the heart of the operating system. No doubt some smart developers will find a way to incorporate the painfully accurate detection into some decent game play too.

Overall: The Xbox One looks set

to be a big step up from its predecessor. It simultaneously satisfies its old target audience with its gaming prowess and draws in a new one through its function as a media centre

Top 5: Festival Apps

of change here. “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it…” Vibrations now come through the triggers though, so I guess that’s a plus, ish.

In comparison, the PS4 controller has morphed something suspiciously xbox-esque. Chalk up a point for Microsoft, but there are no moral victories to be won here.

rather than just a games console.

Microsoft did well to drop the Xbox 720 moniker which had been floated around by people ‘in the know’. However I’m not entirely sure that it’s the only One box I’ll need in my lounge.

You’ll still need to keep that ugly freeview box that you bought in the sale 5 years

ago, and let’s not forget that One’s rumoured price tag is around the £600 mark!

Mike Dunnett-Stone

Xbox One To Watch?

What is 3D Printing?

In the age of the open internet, and in the atmosphere of the Snooper’s Charter and the NSA scandal privacy is everything. Yet the recently announced Xbox One has sparked controversy, with even Berlin’s Federal Data Commission labelling the new console as both a “monitoring device” and a “twisted nightmare.”

Take Kinect. This updated, high-definition, movement-analysing, heartbeat-monitoring, face-counter can both see in the dark and hear you – even when it’s turned off. With the potential to turn your gaming activity, internet surfing and NetFlix watching into big data, the lifeforce for so many companies in

Deezer This free music streaming service gives you unlimited access to artist-based radio channels. Ideal for keeping the party going back at your tent, or getting in the mood before a hard day’s festivaling.

Shazam The ubiquitous music recognition software.

Hear something you like? Find out what it is with this ingenious music sampling app.

Sun Seeker This fantastically gimmicky offering will help you angle your beer tent, chairs and whatnot to optimise time spent in the sun.

Virtual Zippo Lighter Want to join in with the power-ballad lighterwaving phenomenon, but can’t quite deal with a naked flame? This app will let you sway ‘til your heart’s content, without the risk of singeing your hair.

Battery HD With all that lighter waving, sun seeking, shazamming and deezering (not to mention facebooking, instagramming and twittering) your phone battery is going to take an absolute beating. Put up some solid anti-beating defences with this free power management.

Mike Dunnett-Stone

the modern age, it’s no surprise that Forbes are predicting a revolution in personalised advertising. If you thought Facebook was bad, just wait until your Xbox is blasting you with Specsavers adverts thanks to your meagre kill/death ratio.

Sony are keen to avoid this restrictive approach, it is definitely not a new one. Valve has used the same approach for its content delivery system, Steam, for years - though the context is slightly different. Steam games tend to be far cheaper and lending out games isn’t such a habit in the PC community.

Just wait until your Xbox is blasting you with Specsavers adverts thanks to your meagre kill/death ratio!

Other controversies can be instantly quashed, the One will not be ‘always online’ and whilst backwards compatibility won’t exist, it also won’t for the PS4. It is unfortunate that Indie developers will be unable to self-publish to Arcade unless they restrict themselves to the Indie section. If anything these controversies, whilst definitely worth considering, have unsurprisingly been over-hyped. The real travesty here is that the Xbox One will feature Internet Explorer, absolutely disgraceful!

Complaints have also been levied again Xbox One’s approach to second hand games, with Microsoft announcing that every game you buy will be tied to your personal Xbox Live account. Want to lend out your copy of a game to a friend? No problem, just cough up some more dough! Whilst Nintendo and

Matt Ravenhall

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Fresh from its sell-out five star run at the Fringe last year and on a nationwide tour, The Trench stormed into the main stage at the York Theatre Royal on the 6th June 2013.

Review: The Trench

Performed in a blend of physical storytelling, live music, animation and puppetry, The Trench follows the soldier Bert (Ben Warwick) as he is moved from World War One into a supernatural world below, while the war rages on in France above. Bert’s story is told entirely without dialogue which heightens the supernatural elements and does not take away from the physicality of the piece. However, this style of exposition will not be to everyone’s tastes, and I felt it was jarring that Bert’s character evolved from being mute to explaining his story to the audience in the third person.

The grimy aesthetic worked wonders in transporting the audience back to the Great War. This was accompanied by dynamic

lighting design, shifting focuses, and spots to match whichever element of the play was being explored; from the dark, dank tunnels to the more heaven-like paranormal moments.

The live music written and performed by Alexander Wolfe was a great addition, and teased out the intensity and emotions of the play.

The effort put into design was complimented by fantastic performances given all round by the cast.

The precision and execution of the character’s physicality typified the effort and hard work that had gone into this production. Everything was sublimely choreographed; my favourite part being the simple deconstruction of the set to be used around the stage: using two planks to represent the claustrophobia of being inside a tunnel juxtaposed with the wider open space of a field.

In one scene as Bert walks through a field, he is strapped into the back wall of the ‘Trench’ to give a laborious impression of his slow pace, which then transformed into him walking vertically actually on the back wall itself. This just shows how well everything was thought through - the puppetry being particularly excellent, performed by a very strong chorus The Trench will be at the Edinburgh Fringe (see right) and I can’t really put into words how worthwhile it is to see this play.

Edinburgh Fringe Festival

By Rory McGregor

MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

Olivia Head talks about her experience at the famous Edinburgh Fringe Festival and why it is a world renowned festival for theatre going veterans and newbies alike.

Anyone lucky enough to have counted down to the New Year at Edinburgh’s Hogmanay will know full well that the city knows how to throw a party.

The Princes Street celebrations can be seen as something of a warm up for the Edinburgh Fringe which, quite literally, takes over the city for three glorious weeks each August, from the 2nd to the 26th this year.

As the largest arts festival in the world, there is no limit to the kind of things that can be found in the nooks and crannies, theatres and coffee shops of the city; from interpretive dance shows in the spires of the Teviot, to productions of Dracula performed on bouncy castles at the top of the Royal Mile, the Fringe never fails to delight.

And this year is no expectation. If you are thinking of going then you should definitely take the plungethere is always something to delight whatever your personal preference. Go to www.edfringe.com and download a full programme to see exactly what is in store.

Review of a Year in Drama, by Zoe Biles Zoe Biles looks back on a particularly noteworthy year of drama here at York.

Thespians and theatre-goers alike have revelled in a year of full packed drama here at York. There has never been a more exciting time for theatre, and the talent, absurdity and remarkable productions that have surfaced are only testament to this.

Campus has thrived under a jam packed programme of Drama Barn shows, ranging from the kitchen sink drama to the First World War epics. A new term in October saw a wave of new found fresher talent, surfac-

ing in productions such as Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolf and An Evening with Gary Lineker.

Musical Society’s performance of West Side Story dazzled and delighted theatre-goers from all over York.

During the first term alone we saw the Barn transformed from a 1950s living room to the French trenches, a fine demonstration of site malleability if any. Immediately, boundaries were pushed and standards set, with reviews of the weekend shows being increasingly positive about the talent on show, culminating in the epic production of Birdsong in week 9. Following suit, DramaSoc hosted a full to the brim line up for Spring term, with critically acclaimed production God of Carnage being selected by the National Student Drama Festival, pushing York theatre into a national limelight.

The other performance societies of the University have followed suit in an incredible range of high calibre productions, from PantSoc’s hilarious Peter Pan to Happily Ever After’s West End worthy production of Little Shop of Horrors. The consistency of these shows in recurrence, and in brilliance, has meant that students and public alike have been spoiled for choice.

Indeed, part of the Barn glory relied heavily upon the top standard of musicals which were exhibited, from the jazzy, if not jokingly racist, Hot Mikado, a show which created a buzz like no other, to the sold out run of The Threepenny Opera in Spring term.

The musical excitement was not, however, contained to the Barn, as the Central Hall

It has been tumultuous, wide ranging and mind blowing the talent, commitment and standard of theatre here at York. This year has both been an example and promise of the wondrous things that have happened and are yet to occur in the theatre scene.

SNEAK PREVIEW Stage take a look at what the York Theatre Royal’s Takeover Festival has all been about, and does a special extended sneak preview into the last play of the Festival as it draws to a close.

WHAT IS IT? The Takeover Festival is a well established event after its debut four years ago, and is looked forward to by audiences of all ages, due to its applaudable theatrical diversity. York Theatre Royal sum up the event in the statement ‘a festival organised by young people for the whole community to enjoy and take part in.’

the mercy seat

What if you were given the chance to start over? What if you could free yourself from what’s gone before?

In the aftermath of a national tragedy, Ben sees a way out of his marriage that he never thought possible.

But now the chance is there, is it really what he wants? Over the course of an evening, he and his lover are forced to examine their affair and to explore the real meaning of love, commitment, identity, and what it really means to abandon your past.

Written by Neil La Bute Directed by Ruby Clarke 06 Jun-15 Jun, 7.45pm £6 Student Tickets

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

S P OT L I G H T: B I L L O D D I E Bill chats to Oscar Pearson

H

e’s one of the UK’s most accomplished wildlife broadcasters and Springwatch’s familiar face. And after a distressing period of severe depression with time in a London psychiatric hospital, Bill Oddie’s passion for nature is as undimmed as ever before.

Oddie is, quite simply, a fascinating man. On his official Twitter profile he labels himself a “naturalist, conservationist, television presenter, author, song-writer, musician, ‘ex goody’ and pensioner.” And last week the lovable senior chatted to me all things Cambridge, comedy and clinical depression.

The 71-year-old, who told me ornithologist Peter Scott and broadcaster David Attenborough rank among his heroes, studied English at Pembroke College but was by no means fond of his three years in the East: “I didn’t enjoy the institution that was Cambridge. I hated the Union and various elite clubs, and the fact that there were only three ladies colleges. All fortified!” Oddie clearly regretted the absence of “females” throughout his university life in the 60s, but Cambridge is “all better today, though,” he said.

“The things I did enjoy were sport – especially rugby – and Footlights’ comedy stuff.”

And one of his Footlights productions, A Clump of Plinths, was so popular at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe that it was renamed Cambridge Circus and transferred to the West End in London, then New Zealand and Broadway.

While at Cambridge, Oddie wrote scripts for That Was The Week That Was and I asked whether this extensive involvement with the Footlights and drama lead him to consider career opportunities outside of his main passion, the natural world. “Well, I had no idea that my bird knowledge and enthusiasm could be a job. In fact in those days it would have been very difficult. I got involved in ‘show business’ to avoid becoming an English Teacher and for the sake of potential pupils.”

So, what sparked that shift from The Goodies and comedy to a career in the countryside? “The birds and natural history never went away, but by the time the Goodies were fading there were opportunities to earn a living from my hobby as a wildlife presenter.”

Oddie’s passion for nature is truly admirable, with his interest in the natural world sparking from a very young age. But, I asked, does he think young people today should be engaging more with nature, birdwatching and wildlife? “Why put the onus on young people?” came his firm response. “Everybody, everywhere, of every age needs to realise that our futures depend on the health of the natural world. That’s the serious bit. Basically, we’re fucked, but I do recommend a day out birdwatching to distract from the grim reality.”

“Basically, we’re fucked. But I do recommend a day out birdwatching to distract from the grim reality...”

It seemed, then, Oddie was not particularly upbeat about the plummeting national interest in the natural world. “There is more information now than when I was young, and possibly even more enthusiasts, and not only in Britain. But we are seeing a generation that deals in ‘virtual’ experiences rather than those outdoors, or if they do it’s still eyes down on the smart phone.”

Oddie is, of course, best known because of his intriguing on-air relationship with Kate Humble in the BBC’s Autunmwatch and Springwatch. But I wanted to know whether the duo’s rapport differed off-air. “Kate and I came to think of ourselves as the Derek and Clive of wildlife presenters! If you found the on screen relationship entertaining, they were Downton Abbey compared with the rehearsals, where we used to improvise outrageously distasteful routines. Of course, we were both so professional and frankly good at our jobs that we knew when to ‘do it properly’ for the Director.”

He continued: “The one slightly embarrassing moment was when someone failed to tell us that a party of Brownies had been allowed to watch from the control

room as a treat. No doubt it was! They surely qualified for their profanity badge.”

“The one slightly embarrassing moment was when someone failed to tell us that a party of Brownies had been allowed to watch from the control room as a treat. No doubt it was! They surely qualified for their profanity badge...”

Oddie himself is phlegmatic about the criticism which some of his performances faced, with his alleged chauvinistic approach and intolerant attitude towards Humble’s input highlighted through numerous complaints to the BBC throughout the years. “The only unintentional comedy was Kate getting cross with me for interrupting her, and occasionally vice versa,” he said. “I concede that I must be hell to work with because I am – what’s the word?” “Spontaneous, unpredictable, and irresponsible” were some of his suggestions.

However, a list of “pear-shaped” and “complex” events followed when Oddie was diagnosed with clinical depression in 2001 – and just four years ago he spent some time in Capio Nightingale psychiatric hospital to help ease his condition. I asked how he dealt with the worst of times and if he took all the advice he received: “I used to keep diaries at the times I was struck down with clinical depression. It was supposed to sort of help focus my mind but I am not sure it did much. It was probably therapeutic at the time, but rereading them later is usually quite upsetting. I won’t be doing a Mike Palin.” Palin, of course, made his diaries public and in them recalled, for instance, the suicide of his sister, Angela.

“I am glad I kept scrap books from my earlier years at school, uni, and beyond, including newspaper cuttings, but I don’t any more. I also kept birdwatching note books from aged 13 to sometime in my late 50s, but I don’t do that anym o r e either.

Years ago it was quite useful ‘research’ but nowadays there are so many people with computers bulging with data, I seem a bit redundant! A bad attitude, of course,” he said.

So what advice does this enormously experienced and marvellously absorbing character have for students today?

“If there is something you really wanna do, drop out and do it,” he ordered. “Learn about finances, enjoy older people and listen to them, and argue.”

And what are his hopes for the coming years? After all, there have been a number of noises suggesting he may rejoin the Beeb or at least gets back into presenting. “Firstly,” he says, “I hope there will be a fair number of coming years and that I will retain most of my faculties.” Good shout Bill, but will he be in the public eye? “I will continue to put more and more time into practical conservation and animal welfare, be it ranting at Ministers or exploring the Rainforest.”

Oddie then revealed he turned down the opportunity to appear on Celebrity Big Brother last week, despite there being a big-money offer on the table. “I won’t be doing any TV, unless I feel sure I’ll enjoy it and that it will be good,” he told me. “I certainly won’t be doing crap.”

Doesn’t he find himself watching wildlife programmes, though, and wishing he was there in front of the camera?

“I’d be silly to say I don’t miss doing Springwatch and Autumnwatch – of course I do,” but Oddie conceded it is unlikely he’ll ever be leading man again.

He finished: “My greatest hope is that the human race manages to save itself, with minimum casualties.

“In the meantime, have a good life young people – it can be fantastic.”