Sanity Addiction Part 4: Feelings In The Rainforest

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I was PMSing when I aimlessly sent an email responding to an opportunity to travel for ten days in South America. But then God stepped in. Within the week, I was transported into a different much slower society than New York, where international tourists travel to Ecuador to participate in soul-cleansing activities on a quest to find themselves. I stared out the airplane window until I could see land, dozing off and waking up looking down at the amazon rainforest.

That was my first glimpse of this beautiful country located right on the equator line. Little did I know, I was on the trip of a lifetime. By the time I got through customs, it was 7 pm in the evening, the sun was already setting, and my cab driver told me it would take two hours with traffic to get the 200-year-old hotel I was staying the night at which was located in the old town. When I finally did arrive, the bellhops greeted me at the front doors. They were expecting me. They brought my bags to my junior suite. The highlight of the room was the golden clawfoot tub that took over nearly the whole marble bathroom. I immediately started to unpack my toiletries and place them on the vanity like I was gonna live there. I placed my chakrub by my pillow. Now it felt like home. Aisha, my best friend from back home, insisted I bring this crystal to quell my hoe tendencies. Afterall it was essentially a pleasure tool, bigger than a yoni egg, that was there when I needed to scratch an itch. I was reminded of all of this as soon as I went down to the hotel restaurant to meet some business associates for a late dinner with the hotel manager. Dinner was boring. We didn’t have anything in common but the fact that we were in this country together. But then when I locked eyes with a South African gentleman sitting by himself at the table right next to ours, things started to get interesting. He was uncomfortably staring at me from the moment I sat down. Some time mid-way into dinner, the South African fellow got the balls to come to my table and introduce himself to me and the other table guests. “American?” he said. Yes, we all replied. Then he turned to me. “Queen, I would love for you to join me at the bar after dinner.” “Sure,” I said blinking slowly to make my fake lashes appear fluttering, pouting my lip with attitude. And then he turned and walked out of the restaurant, vaping casually.

“I wonder if he’s in the oil business??” One of the ladies at the table said to break the silence.

Around 11 PM and 2 hours after dinner, me and another woman from my travel group met the South African at the hotel bar. She was there for the company. The three of us took over the bar talking about gauyasa, politics, and traveling because this guy was on his way to do Ayahuasca in the Amazon. It was about an 8 hours drive from where we were going and a much lower aptitude. We ordered 5 bottles of wine. It was well into 4 am when we retired to the bedroom. He followed me to mine. I was only at this hotel for one night and I wanted to use the bathtub. So at 5AM, I took a bath and he watched.

“Go get my chakrub.” I said. It’s the amethyst laying by my pillow.

He dipped it in the bubbles and I felt it on my thigh.

The next morning I awoke in a panic. I barely got two hours of sleep, knowing I had to be up to catch a transfer to this eco-lodge in the rainforest. Me and the girl chilling at the bar both missed it. No one woke us up. Bitches.

I picked up the hotel phone and called her room. “ Sadie, dude, what the fuck happened? How come no one woke us up?!?”

“I don’t know but I called the coordinator and she said the next transfer doesn’t leave until tomorrow. So we’re going to have to take a cab. You got cash?”

“Yes. Meet me downstairs from breakfast.”

“Ok .It’s $200.”

“Ard. Bet.” I hung up the phone and started my mission. This time 7,000 miles away from home.

I packed my bags in like ten minutes, including my toiletries and the toiletries the hotel left. Me and my colleague met up in the hotel dining room for breakfast. It was a full spread of Spanish omelet fixings, including caviar, which I had to devour in my hungover state of mind. The South African gentleman joined us too. No, he didn’t sleepover, I kicked him out at some point. Turns out he wasn’t staying at our hotel anyway. But he came back to give me a present - a beaded “prayer” bracelet, chocolate mushrooms, a small vial of pure guayusa, and another mini vile to make that makes you sleepy. He said it was good for long flights. For me, these were souvenirs.

What a crazy night, but my adventure to the middle of the rainforest was my final destination. “ Buenos días, Señorita. ¿Cómo fueron tus servicios? said the attendant at the concierge desk.

“Buenos Días. Mi nombre es Coca de La Noche. Estoy quedando en el cuarto 415. Necesito un coche para traslado de Mashpi.”

“Ah Si! Su grupo se fue hace dos horas pasadas. No hay coches directos para Mashpi. Pero, tú puedes tomar una cabi allá y otra en el centro de la pueblo, se llama. Me he organizado para tu pf.” “ Si gracias !

Not to mention, I also woke up with the black out blues. Suddenly the shenanigans I escaped from in New York were creeping back up on me and then I felt bad and angry at myself. Was missing my transfer worth it?

I decided to just press pause on those feelings. I wasn’t about to torture myself with thoughts during a five hour drive into the rainforest. So I ate some of that chocolate and stared out the cab window while our driver escalated altitudes by the mile.

Around dusk, the van turned on to an unpaved road. We were told we will be on it for 30 minutes before arriving at the eco-lodge. All I know is that it got dark pretty quickly. I couldn’t see anything behind me and it wasn’t even nightfall. But when I entered the territory of the rainforest, I was playing by the rainforest rules now. That and at this point, I was definitely tripping.

The lodge was like the building from Jurassic Park. It was mostly glass and dark wood.

Everything sustainable and environmentally conscious. Conde Nast travel hadn’t even written about this place yet. That’s how exclusive. Upon check-in, they told me to avoid flushing toilet tissue.

The hallways were long and dim, like a warehouse. When I opened my hotel door, the room felt warm and safe.

“Welcome to your home above the clouds,” read a note left on the bed from the hotel manager. I finally made it. , It was the eco-lodge of my dreams, 4,000+ feet above sea level. It took four hours to navigate through all the green terrain of the Andes mountains, windy roads that just kept going around and around. When I finally arrived, I was speechless and couldn’t fully articulate what I felt that the rainforest evoked in me. It's spirit had taken me and I surrendered. That night, we went on a night hike with the head conservationist. All we had was a small flashlight and ourselves for this “hike.”

The rainforest was so eerily calm for me. At first glance, I saw nothing but green. I didn’t expect a full lion king experience, but there were no animals in sight. I keep telling myself I’m in an enchanted forest, all I need to do is say the magic word to quell my nerves, and when I do I begin to really see, to really be present, be calm, and be observant to the creatures. A few hours in it, and beings start appearing in my rearview. I started to hear the songs of the colorful hummingbirds, the buzz of huge beetles, hairy spiders on the trees, and multi-color texturized killer caterpillars moving to slow and strategically on the tree bark. My insides started tingling.

What I didn’t know was that the rainforest is a sexual place to co-exist and come to understand with your body. On Day 2 in the forest, I woke up at 5 am, still baffled. I'm in this hotel bed, pressing a button to open my electric blinds, so I can look out into the forest through my floor to ceiling glass windows. The other side is my playground, my spiritual bathtub. I felt like sleep while in the forest was just a meditation state. The sun was shining through the trees. I could tell it was raining a few moments ago because the forest was in its misty and wet state. I was anxious to start the day. The vast and deep elements of the forest were waiting. I pulled on a pair of jean shorts and a tee-shirt with Timberland boots and skipped my makeup and skincare routine. I didn’t care what I looked like.

Again, I was a special guest here. Most people who visit this eco-lodge are foreigners from Australia or scientists. “Time stands still here but keeps going in the city.” one of the head naturalists explained to me while I ate my breakfast in the open glass dining room. The ceilings must have been like 50 feet. I thought about what he said to me for a while and thought about how fast I had been moving over the last three years. I shook my head and said to myself “I surrender these thoughts,” because I didn’t want to think about what dumb thoughts would come next. “¿Qué actividad te gustaría hacer hoy? The naturalist asked me.

“Me encantaría caminar hasta la cascada. eso es todo lo que quiero hacer.” I said.

Lucky for me, I was the only one among the four other American colleagues I was traveling with who chose a short hike to the 300-foot Cascada. I didn’t want to be with them anyway after they left me in Quito. Two of the naturalists volunteered to go with me. I could feel the younger guide’s vibe on me since the day I arrived. I don’t know if it was my black skin or the fact that he hadn’t seen any truly black women in a while. Anyway, we set off for this hike around nine in the morning. It would take two hours to get to this newly discovered waterfall. I wore my favorite FENTY bathing suit under my long white pants, with a thin white tank top. I pulled my hair out of my face in a wet bun. I packed my crystal amethyst chakrub to bathe it in the waterfall, to cleanse it and restore its energy. It was in full use for the past few weeks since I got it and I knew that the rainforest would be some amazing energy to carry with me and remember for a few months. Besides, that’s what the creator instructed me to do for cleaning purposes.

On the terrace, the young naturalist, let’s just call him Guiemmero, helped me get into my long rain boots that covered my calves. It was imperative to wear these boots to be protected by the rainforest ground because the paths weren’t clear. So yea, we were definitely going on a 3 person hike. I was nervous but thrilled. I sat on the bench, as Guiemmero kneeled down in front

of me, reaching out to touch my foot and place it gently in each boot. Upon his touch, I felt a calm energy pass through my blood. We had only just met at the guest orientation a few days ago but from his glance up to me from my foot, energy traveled through me at each touch. We locked eyes.

The first and really only rule of this hike to the cascada was to not touch anything without asking for permission first.

I could devour him right under the waterfall. He's so beautiful and handsome and manly, like Tarzan, I thought walking through the forest to our destination. I had just eaten another piece of that chocolate. It was the last piece and I was a bit hungry. I also offered him some. It was me, my young Tarzan and his uncle who was the president of a nearby village, located 2 hours from my home above the clouds. From our conversation in Spanish, they didn’t have electricity in this village and were still happy. We were just thirty minutes into hiking when I fell into a deep fantasy as my two indigenous men guided me through the inner workings of the rainforest. Along the way, we talked about plants and other things that were in plain view. For example, I pointed to the oversized “Elephant Ear'' leaves. Que es esto? y esto? I understood that they are deadly if consumed but are used to protect you from the rain. He pointed to another plant called “mother’s tongue,” which was and still is used as tea when boiled and consumed with hot water, it is a form of birth control for village women. I became so entranced by the sounds of the forest and the relaxing conversation. It was that feeling when chills come over your shoulders and travel down your back and you become more comfortable. So much so I forgot what day and time it was the further I walked. It also became harder to breathe because I was experiencing so many new levels. Eventually, I stopped talking and started listening. Quiet as an ocelot, a vortex of positive vibes grew around me. I followed, they guided.

I started to peel off emotional layers, hiking in my bathing suit, coverup, and boots, careful not to touch anything. Even tree bark was secretly covered with killer ants. I didn’t care though, I just wanted to be free.

Alas, we arrived at the waterfall. I heard it a few feet before actually seeing it and it was so glorious I could dance to its water rhythm. The guides both motioned me to get in. So I shed off the rest of my clothes and dipped my feet in the small lagoon.

“Ven acá.” I said to Guiemmero.

He didn’t hesitate. He just ran right in, dipping his face and body into the cold water. He took my hand and led me closer to the waterfall. I drew back.

“Mirá, princesa,” he said pointing to some cove hidden through the waterfall. It was behind the 300-foot waterfall. He insisted I go through with him because it was a massage.

But for a moment, I sat 15 feet from the edge of the waterfall, where the rocks are tiny pieces of overgrown sand, and it’s still a bit of water just there. I grabbed my crystal chakrub out of my bag, to do my bathing ritual and meditate. Only thing was, I wasn’t alone and I wasn't aware of my crystal’s powers! The guys took one look at it and coyly backed away. They instantly knew it was something intimate even if there was a slight language barrier, and at that moment I forgot my Spanish. I couldn’t translate chakrub. It was shaped weirdly like an artifact penis, but it was also a beautiful purple gemstone, a glowing crystal that needed to be bathed and I wanted it with me at that moment. So the uncle took a cue from his nephew and disappeared into the rainforest for a bit, while Guiemmero joined me on the waterfall edge.

It was a bit awkward at first, even though I didn’t want it to be that way. I kept saying, “this is natural in my head.” And everything about it was natural. I bent down to feel the cold rainwater. I closed my eyes and dug my hands deeper into the earth, burying the chakrub just enough to retrieve it. It was with its cousins, I suppose. I gathered small granite rocks in the palm of my hands as I inhaled to take deeper breaths. I switched on my yoga practice to my current state of absolute bliss and peace.

(Inhale , exhale, inhale, exhale) I sat down in the waterfalls bayou, while I continued to be ( forgetting time) and listen to the natural wildlife that surrounded me. My chakrub is still in my hands. My guide still in my sight, observing me in silence, my goddess vibes were free. The trees, the Tuscan birds and insects around me, totally exist as well. At this point I was struggling to stand up so he carried me to the shoreline, placing me on the sand let a wet mermaid licking delightfully in between my legs.

I stood up and put my chakrub back in my tote bag located a few feet away on dry land. Still, he was staring intently at the waterfall. I sat down to join him again. I knew exactly what he was looking at. He was feeling the ground below like me. Perhaps he was protecting me from anything that joined us. After all, we were in the choco rainforest, where green rules the landscape, where ocelots and viper snakes roam the ground and run the entire forest. Yet they are still so fearful of humans. Moments past and I am back into my body, was this a dream?

That’s when I opened my eyes and that’s when I remember we have company. I inhale a deep breath and then exhale out as I flutter my lids open to examining my surroundings. I’m on the edge of the waterfall this time this place looks much different and yet still I don’t quite know where I am.

I breathe in again and he leads me closer to the waterfall. The water is raining down heavy and it’s loud. As I get closer, my body becomes even more submerged in water. We swim to the corner of the fall, as he ducks under and leads me to the small cove on the other side. The water is at full throttle and pounding down hard and fast on my back. I test my head and shoulders through to feel the pressure.

It feels like a back massage. It’s pounding down so hard my bikini bottoms struggle to stay on as I exert myself back out from under the beating water, fixing my already wet purple swimsuit hanging from my body, unapologetically exposing a nipple and pelvic muscles flex. He takes my hand and leads me through the Cascada as I hold on to my barely-there bikini to my body. We move closer as our bodies touch. He’s got me where he wants me, and the blood in my veins are already heated up despite the cold rainwater.

I raise my arms to wipe the water from my face and adjust my suit in modesty. It’s no use. My skin wants to be exposed. It’s summer. I still don’t want to be too vulnerable but at this moment he’s my Tarzan, guiding me through the complex and maze-like forest, protecting me from thorned branches and poison ivy. I am untouchable.

“Vas bajo el agua,” he says to me, leading me to the otherside.

I turn my back and my bikini strap breaks loose. Fuck it. I finally remove what’s holding me back and feel empowered. He grabs my floating bottoms as I duck my head under with my naked body following. We got close and I could feel his excitement. I swam back to near the shoreline while I weighed my options while still tripping on the chocolate.

Ahh at this point, the freak in me said YOLO. I knew I wasn’t going to see him again, and he was a part of my experience. So I embraced that moment. I opened my eyes to see the most beautiful man, my guide, sitting right beside me. He turned to me and put his hand on my knee.

I leaned in and we kissed at that moment. His tongue ravished over mine as we finally let go of that sexual tension from the terrace. Naked and unafraid, I got up and followed him deeper into the rainforest pool. Submerged and embracing the loud thunder of the falls coming straight down. I grabbed his dick and pulled him close into me, not yet penetrating deep as his wet hair nestled under my neck as he sucked on my nipples.

This is my chance to fulfill another fantasy, but I didn’t feel the need to for once in my twenties.

I stared into his eyes and saw myself in his glassy eye reflection. I felt sexy and I didn’t need someone else to secure it. So what I’m here and it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. For once, I felt satisfied for myself and I knew what I was doing when I was back in my hotel room alone.

Suddenly, we hear a call, the sound of his uncle’s indigenous chant. He held up his head from

mine. Breaking our bond to respond to his uncles’ call. I knew it was time to go. Carefully, because the cove was slippery to step through on rocks, we walked through the waterfall, bathing, getting sexually baptized. I retreat back to the dry shore topless. Emerging with even more energy. I felt hot and wet. I needed to sit down. So I perched naked, gathering rocks and sand to sprinkle on my belly, digging my feet further into the earth. I knew I wasn’t ever coming back so I wanted to savor every last moment. He followed, watching me. It was time to go back to the eco-lodge. The three of us hiked back in silence, listening to the soundtrack of the rainforest. When I returned to my hotel room, I laid on my bed, naked. Re-charged with a new purpose and set of principles. The bad bitch principles. I didn’t even want to shower. I was speechless. All I could do was sit and eat the exotic fruit the hotel left on my bedside table and take nude selfies for my own files. Then, a thought came from within me...Everything that is beautiful is not always good for you.