Mental Health Corner

Moe Gelbart, PhD, director of behavioral health, Torrance Memorial

How should I approach my children about the news surrounding gun violence? Should I talk to them?

It is important you discuss this with your children. Although you may be concerned about bringing it up, rest assured they will be hearing about it on social media, from friends, at school, etc., and better they discuss it with you so you can control the information they are receiving, rather than getting it from friends or social media. Some suggestions include asking them about what they already know; asking them how they feel; validating their feelings while at the same time assuring them you will do everything to take care of them.

My husband has a drinking problem but is in denial and refuses to get help. What should I do?

One of the key elements of someone with a drinking problem is denial of the problem, so your husband’s stance is not unusual. You need to understand alcohol dependence and recognize it is not merely a choice or issue of willpower, but an illness requiring help. Avoid arguing about or judging his actions, and instead point out specific behaviors, let him know how you feel and how others in the family feel. Ask him to seek a qualified professional with expertise in substance abuse and get an evaluation. Let him know you will accept those findings if the doctor feels there is no issue or problem. You can get support for yourself and learn how to deal with the problem by attending Al-Anon meetings. If the situation persists, you can consult with a professional for a formal intervention.

It's always best to discuss sensitive topics directly with your kids so you can control the information they are hearing.

A Foundation of Happiness: What If vs. What Is

One of the factors that causes people unease and distress is thinking negative thoughts and catastrophizing about them. Our feelings and our thoughts are intimately connected. Our feelings are always correct and result from our thinking. Our thinking can be inaccurate, distorted or based on old information.

Negative thinking leads to catastrophizing, which means looking into the future and thinking negative thought upon negative thought. For example, if one loses their job, they may think: What if I will never find another good job? What if I can’t afford my mortgage? What if my spouse leaves me as a result? What if I am alone forever? … and so on. This spiraling, negative, catastrophizing thought cycle leads to severe anxious and depressed feelings.

When I encounter this thinking pattern with patients, I ask them to identify the process internally and loudly tell themselves to stop, and change “what if ” to “what is.” “What is” is happening in the present and allows you to focus on things that are in front of you and that you have control over. Avoiding the “what ifs” and transforming them to “what is” bring a sense of peace, control and empowerment—which contributes to a foundation of happiness. •

If you have a mental health question for Dr. Gelbart, please submit it in an email to publications@tmmc.com.