Coping with Loss during Pandemic Coping with Loss during Pandemic 39

Dealing with bereavement has had to take a very different path during the pandemic. Loved ones have often been unable to be with the person who is dying or, possibly more importantly, be with other members of the close family who would normally provide strength and support at such a difficult time. The amazing care staff in the NHS and Care Homes have given to support people at their point of dying has been extremely humbling, but the added emotional trauma caused to family members by being kept away from each other at this critical time is yet to be understood. With the total number of deaths in the UK still continuing to rise, millions throughout the country under lockdown must be feeling the immense pain of loss. Many of these deaths will undoubtedly have been unexpected, adding to the feeling of stress. There’s no easy way to get over the death of someone close to you, but, pre Covid, individuals could at least take work leave to grieve, spend time with friends and family and gain comfort from just being in the company of others to talk and work through their feelings of anger, despair and emptiness. Even having a funeral, an important milestone when dealing with grief, has had to change. This can add to the sadness when we cannot properly celebrate a loved ones life with a ceremony and wake. For many families who, since March last year, have had restricted funerals there was always the hope they could have a big memorial celebration later with a large gathering – even that hasn’t happened and we are now over a year on. When those coping with bereavement cannot get physical support from loved ones, a cuddle, hold a hand, sit close and talk through their fears and sense of loneliness, the pain of loss can be ever the greater. Most of us are still able to cope with calls from family and friends. A minority of people may need more support from counseling services which they can be referred to via their GP or they can seek help directly through organisations such as CRUSE or Marie Curie. Ironically we would expect these organisations to have been inundated at this time, but in fact anecdotally, they have told us that they have had been receiving less calls during the pandemic period than normal. Some of the Shepperton Aurora Rotary Club have been affected by grief during the pandemic and wish to encourage those dealing with bereavement to access help through local organisations. The club is keen to let residents know there is valuable support out there for those who would like it. Through talking to such organisations that offer help, they have all identified two things to us. Firstly, they continue to offer a support over the phone and have trained individuals who can help those coping with struggling with bereavement and, secondly, they have spare capacity. Some of them also offer group meetings – unfortunately only through Zoom at the moment – but soon, hopefully they intend to return to their other support activities such as café meetings, ‘walks and talks’ and one-to-one or live group sessions. There is undoubted concern by both the Government, schools and the medical profession that demand for emotional support for whatever reasons, but particularly bereavement, will increase substantially as we slowly come out of lockdown. Shepperton Aurora Rotary Club wish to encourage those who might be too frightened cautious or lost in their grief to pick up the phone and make the first step towards getting some support from organisations who offer it locally. They will also be providing funds to assist the organisations to undertake their valuable work.

You can contact our local CRUSE on 01932 571177 (cruse.org.uk), Princess Alice Hospice on 01372 468811 (pah.org.uk), Marie Curie on 0800 090 2309 (mariecurie.org.uk) or visit our website sheppertonaurora.co.uk for further information or help.

By Mike Bodnar

The impacts of CovidThe impacts of Covid-19 on the mainstream book market are many, with closed bookshops, numbers, rave reviews, contracts and film deals. But success can be a lot more modest book market are many, with closed bookshops, cancelled book launches and publishers' plans than that. cancelled book launches and publishers' plans in disarray. However, none of this seems to in disarray. However, none of this seems to have stopped writers. With more time stuck at home due to the panFor example, let's say you wish to write your family history. Your 'market' is likely your immediate and extended family. So, they get to have stopped writers.demic, an increasing number of people are own a professionally-published record of the With more time stuck at home due to the pandemic, an increasing number of people are using the opportunity to write that novel, memoir or history book, and submit it. In a recent report, one publisher said that their normal family history, while you have the satisfaction of being the originator of the work. There's no financial reward and no film deal, but your using the opportunity to write that novel, mem-workload of four or five manuscripts a day had market – small and intimate as it is – will be oir or history book, and submit it. In a recent report, one publisher said that their normal increased since Covid to as many as 16 a day. So competition is intense, but you can bypass mainstream publishing altogether by selfdelighted with what you've created. Or you might write a travel memoir, based on your adventures riding a motorbike half way workload of four or five manuscripts a day had publishing, which an increasing number of round the world. Here you want to entertain increased since Covid to as many as 16 a day. So competition is intense, but you can bypass indie authors are doing – and not necessarily due to a fear of rejection. Self-published books are finally breaking and inspire others, so your target market is the armchair traveller and would-be adventurer. Success therefore might be readers saying they through the decades mainstream publishing altogether by self-old stigma they've had, enjoyed your book so much that they're now publishing, which an increasing number of indie authors are doing namely that if it's self-published then by definition it's inferior. (And yes, it has to be said that some books are sadly wanting.) On the upside, planning their own adventure. But success could also include that your publishing and promotional costs have been covself- due to a fear of rejection.publishing has become the method of ered by sales, to the point where the book Self-published books are finally breaking choice for many successful writers because it doesn't owe you anything. Any subsequent through the decadesgenerates a bigger share of sales revenue, while offering more control over the work. sales are a bonus, (maybe enabling you to create an audio book version!). The Martian, namely that if it's selfFifty Shades of Grey, Still Alice, Success in self-publishing is what you make it, and The Shack tion it's inferior. (And yes, it has to be said that are all successful self-published and not just about rave reviews, getting on a some books are sadly wanting.) On the upside, works, but what 'success' looks like is important, as we'll see. best-seller list, or striking a movie deal. So if you've been thinking of using lockdown Self- self-publishing has become the method of publishing options are many, largely to finally turn that book idea into reality, go for choice for many successful writers because it thanks to the internet and digital publishing it. But decide upfront what your success is generates a bigger share of sales revenue, while offering more control over the work. opportunities; on-demand printing, eBooks, and audio books can be achieved easily, and with potentially much greater profits than tragoing to look like. Now, get on that keyboard! Mike Bodnar is a local self-published author ditional publishing. The Martian and blogger, living in Sunbury. He is keen to and The Shack works, but what 'success' looks like is imThen there are self-publishing companies, providing everything from proofreading and editing through to cover design, printing, marstart a local writers' group once lockdown restrictions allow. If you're interested, email Mike on mgbodnar@gmail.com portant, as we'll see.keting and sales management. You choose how Selfmuch of a package you want, or can afford. -publishing options are many, largely thanks to the internet and digital publishing But before you start you need to ask, 'How will I define success?' opportunities; onIn the examples of sell-out self- and audio books can be achieved easily, and published books above, success is in sales with potentially much greater profits than traditional publishing. Then there are self 40 Please mention Shepperton Matters when responding to adverts www.villagematters.co.uk

By Chloe-May Cuthill (pictured)

2020 was one of the toughest years ever and it took it’s toll on so many. With problems arising because of the pandemic; people losing their jobs or being furloughed and schools closing, this led to the highest numbers of children feeling lost, alone and scared. The NSPCC saw their helpline numbers dramatically increase due to children being confined to home and subjected to abuse. I know all too well what it’s like to feel alone and scared, I was a victim of child abuse from the age of 9 up until the age of 12. But in 2017 I came forward to the police with the help of the NSPCC and after 3 long years of investigations justice was finally served. I had kept what happened to me quiet for 17 years so it was now time to speak up and share my story. At the beginning of 2020 I decided to share what had happened to me on social media and the response I received was overwhelming. I knew I now wanted to do something positive out of a massive negative. I sat down and started to write a book. I wasn’t sure what direction I was going to go at first but after drafting lots of ideas I knew I wanted to write a children’s book. The main aim of my book ‘The Ring of Dark Shadows’ is to get more people, young and old, to talk openly about abuse and to eradicate the stigma around it as well as the shame. If we can bring the subject into everyday life then it will encourage children and adults to speak up and come forward. I want children to know they always have a voice and that their voice will always be heard. ‘The Ring of Dark Shadows’ has six realistic stories with a powerful message about different types of child abuse. The stories reflect on friendship, bravery and speaking up. My book isn’t scary and it doesn’t ever mention actual abuse. I have written it carefully and safely so children will understand. I realise parents will be scared and wary about discussing topics of abuse with their children, it’s a conversation that’s difficult to address and knowing how or when is sometimes the toughest part and then normally ignored. This is why I wanted to write a book that can be a conversation starter between children and their parents. My main character Avie doesn’t experience abuse, she sees the danger and then helps her friends and family. If my book can educate children recognise danger and the different types of abuse out there and how to stop it by speaking up then I have succeeded. I have also added relevant information for children to report abuse if they need to at the end of the book and 10% goes towards the NSPCC and 10% goes towards RASASC. I am currently writing my memoirs which I hope to publish sometime this year and I’m hoping my story will encourage others out there to come forward and know they are not alone. Child abuse still carries huge stigma and is not talked about enough. People who have suffered abuse need to know they will be believed. Let’s silence the shame not the subject. To keep up with my story please head to my Facebook page Let’s Talk About Abuse. On there I discuss problems and issues that I have overcome with the hope of helping others speak up and not feel alone or isolated.

My book ‘The Ring of Dark Shadows’ is available on Amazon https://www.amazon.co.uk/RINGDARK-SHADOWS-Chloe-May-Cuthill/ dp/1912821788 or you can order directly from my website www.chloemaycuthill.com

If you have concerns about child abuse, relating to yourself or someone you know, support is always available online or by telephone from the NSPCC: www.nspcc.org.uk or you can call 0808 800 5000.

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1Celebrity, headliner (4) 4 No longer in use (8) 8Teaching period (6) 9Libretto, dialogue (6) 10 Pockmark, healed wound (4) 11 Single spot of precipitation (8) 13 Persistence, tenacity (13) 16 Going to ground (5,3) 19 Belongs to you and me (4) 20 Frail, ailing (6) 22 Joined (6) 23 Long-handled frying pans (8) 24 Effortless (4) Solution p 61

2 Wilful betrayal (9) 3 Set aside, save (7) 4 Proprietor (5) 5 Period of sustained drinking (informal) (7) 6 Enticed (5) 7 Apex (3) 12 Without scent (9) 14 Small glamorous white dog (7) 15 Defeat decisively (7) 17 Prizes awarded for peace, physics, literature etc. (5) 18 Home of Snowdonia National Park (5) 21 Large deer (3)

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