Carlisle's Village Link Magazine | Sep/Oct 2014

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Christmas

Homemade Tomato and Len til Soup Chicken Liver Parfait with Clar e’s

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Christmas Fayre Lunches available throughout December For a delicious lunch with plenty of festive cheer why not bring your Christmas lunch party here!

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Greek Salad Feta Cheese, Tom atoes, Cucumber, Olives, Red Onion & Herb Dressing Galia Melon with Fruit Compote & Berry Coulis

ddddddddddd Roast Cumbrian Turkey with

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Stuffing, Chipolatas, Cranbe

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Village Link

ENTERTAINING READERS & WORKING HARD FOR OUR ADVERTISERS

Welcome

A

utumn is here, the kids are back at school, and it’s time for the Health and Safety lot to put their oar in again, not surprisingly on the issue of playground games. Why? Well hundreds of over-zealous schools are preventing pupils playing games enjoyed by generations of children amid fears they will be sued if something goes wrong.

Almost one-in-six teachers said their schools now outlawed conkers in case children are hit in the face by a stray horse chestnut. One claimed the ban had been imposed to protect pupils with nut allergies. Fair enough you may say, but really, banning conkers, they must be nuts!!

Did you know that Britain is believed to be the only country in the world where the game of conkers is traditionally played with horse chestnuts in the autumn? Want to give it a try? Well here are Cozza’s handy tips on becoming a Conker Champion: Soak your conker in vinegar; bake your conker in the oven or use an old conker

from previous years (these tips helps it to become harder although may be considered cheating!). How to choose the perfect good conker? Well, have you wondered why some conkers float in water but most sink? When placed in water, all the conkers that have damage inside them will, due to their lack of density, float to the surface.

For children who wish for ‘killer’ Conkers, just discard the floaters and concentrate on the much harder ones at the bottom of the bucket. Happy conkering!

Congratulations to our winners, Ben and Oliver (Where’s Bear) and Mrs Patricia Jackson (Crossword Winner).

There’s lots to be won in this packed Autumn issue, and as usual we’d like to thank all who have been involved; our advertisers, loyal readers and distributors.

Andrew Editor

Get your e ntries in by

Wed 1st October

for your ch anc win tickets e to to the amazing R eel Rock Film in Rh eged see page 19

The Shrubbery, Great Corby, Carlisle CA4 8LR Tel: 01228 562904 Mobile: 07766 566534 Designed & Produced Michaela Corrie Design Cover Photography Printers

Jesse Knibbs [nature_boy33@hotmail.co.uk] Bishops, Hampshire

www.village-link.co.uk editor@village-link.co.uk /villagelinkcarlisle @VLink_Carlisle

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All pages are copyright of either Village Link Magazine or its respective contributors. All material published in Village Link including editorials, adverts and all other content is printed in good faith. However, Village Link accepts no liability for the content of the material or the services provided by the advertisers nor does it endorse any company featured. No part of this publication may be reproduced, copied or transmitted in any form without the publisher’s written permission. All material is accepted on the understanding that its publication does not infringe any copyright. Village Link does not accept responsibility from claims of copyright infringement.

AUTUMN OFFER THE CLUBHOUSE RESTAURANT £15.00 for 18 holes on our Eden Course Christmas Party Every Wednesday & Friday in OCTOBER after 12pm

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Reputable distribution of 10,000 including door to door and many pick up points

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3

HISTORY

Gran Canaria

E. W.

SS Jaffa

Pigg

Carlisle’s Past

Edward Wheatley Pigg of Bunkers Hill, Carlisle – his chronicle of a cruise to the Canary Islands and Madeira in 1903

W

hen researching for the book ‘Wetheral and Great Corby’, in 2008, I met Dorothy Smithson of Bunkers Hill in Carlisle, granddaughter of E W Pigg, Managing Director of Teasdale’s Confectionery, Carlisle prior to World War 1. Dorothy’s daughter Wendy, has recently been going through her Great Grandfather’s writings and sent me his 10 page Chronicle of an early cruise in the Atlantic. It was quite an adventure and, according to Edward, most of the passengers were there “mainly in search of improved health.”!!! Below is a brief taste of it...

“26th: Our ship is of 3000 tons burden – carrying a crew of 40 all told – with accommodation for 49 first passengers and 14 second...The table is well provided altho’ ill served.

Soup cold & live ducks & sheep are carried to provide the Coy with fresh meat, fruit is plentiful and good...As darkness set in the sea grew more stormy...the deck being swept with seas all night...a ladder & several casks were washed away. The poultry pen was smashed and several ducks killed. The second class cabins & berths were flooded, the sleepers being washed out of their berths and everything wet.”

“28th: 5.30 in the morning much refreshed,...but by 8.00 squally weather sets in & continued all day... getting meals was a matter of great difficulty the plates, dishes etc. flying about the table like magic...no ars sleep this night the llock C u B l a Funch continual rushing & crashing of the waves...the ship groaned & creaked & shivered & staggered making sleep impossible.”

“Mar 1st ...after a night that might

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almost represent a week - daylight... the seas got bigger & bigger...Been at sea for 4 days we had made only 440 miles ¼ of our journey...Other thought ‘she might as well go down now & put an end to all our miseries’...”

“2nd Monday: our berth being again flooded & bedding wet – the floor having to be baled before we could get to bed & again the following morning.”

This is a much shortened account of the first five days of a 28 day cruise which does indeed get better.

“5th: the red glow of sunrise is the first cheering glimpse of a beautiful day...passengers turn out early after breakfast...Good humour & general happiness pervades the deck, the storms and gales of the past few days are reminiscences of the voyage...For the first time the table is fully represented. Singing on deck, reading and writing occupy the evening.”

“Mar 7th: We first sight the ‘Peak’ about 11.15 then a Sugar Loaf Cone jutting out to the Nth West.”

“10th: Visited the early morning market...Prickly pears, loquats, tomatoes, bananas...Cows or goats are milked on the spot...To Laguna by tram...Passed lots of peasants... the women...barefoot...with very heavy loads on their heads.”

“16th: After early tea & a cold bath & getting ready some plates for Camera...”

Fingertips PA Services

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• Organising meetings/appointments/ travel/room bookings • Minute taking at meetings • Research • Website editing • Assisting with Events Management • Invoicing customers • Mail shots (E-mail) • Typing (audio/copy) • Preparing Powerpoint presentations • Year end book keeping • General administrative tasks • Office minding

Written by David Ramshaw For books on local history of Cumbria visit http://www.p3publications.com

To advertise in Village Link call Andrew now on 01228 562904 or sales@village-link.co.uk

MY LIFE INTERVIEW

PAUL THORBURN from Tech4 Office Equipment Ltd

Q: What’s the best and worst aspect of being in your specific business?

A: I enjoy meeting folk. I get to meet all sorts of people from all walks of life, it keeps things interesting. I also enjoy working alongside my family. However, being a business owner can be a challenge sometimes, especially as I am a boss and a dad at work! A thick skin is often needed!

4

OES

Q: What do you like to do in your spare time?

A: I would be lying if I said I didn’t like the odd drop of the ol’vino! I like making my own ‘Moonshine’, there is always some sort of alcoholic concoction on the go at home. Other than that, I can either be found building ‘man stuff’ in my garden or helping my other half, Caroline with her pottery business - www.caroline-nash.co.uk. It turns out that I have a creative side other than the day-to-day dealings in the Photocopier world.

UK LTD

Q: Any amusing experiences whilst at work?

A: Having your trousers split whilst attending a customers’ is always amusing. I have learned I can be quite resourceful with a stapler! I told you I was creative!

office equipment

Q: If you could hold on to just one memory from your life forever, what would that be?

A: The birth of my two boys. I am also just about to be a father again for a third time. Very exciting times!

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Q: Who was the last person you hugged?

A: Jacob Smith. He is one of our latest additions to the Tech4 team. In fact, he stole the hug from me just to have his name mentioned in this interview! I am a ‘hugger’ though.

Group hugs are a regular event here at Tech4.

Q: Which radio station do you listen to the most?

A: Absolute Radio 90’s. Don’t tell anyone though, I have a reputation to uphold!

Q: How much is a pint of milk?

A: Tricky one. I only buy Cravendale. Which is often on a two for £3 offer for 4 litres. So, let’s call it, say, ummm... I haven’t a clue! How much is a pint of milk?!

Unit H, Rockcliffe Estate, Park, Carlisle CA6 4RW

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T. 01228 672186 F. 01228 674654 E. sales@tech4office.co.uk

T: 01228 672186 | F: 01228 674654 Email: paul@tech4office.co.uk www.tech4office.co.uk

www.tech4office.co.uk www.printerpal.co.uk

Please mention The Village Link when responding to adverts

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5

Festive

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19th & 20th December. Our ever popular Weekend Party Nights are back by high demand! £32.50 per person

Celebrate Sundays with Santa

14th & 21st December. Tradition al Family Sunday Lunch with a special guest appeara nce from Santa and FREE GIFT for children. £15 .95 per person, children under 12 half price, und er 5 free

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New Years Eve Celebration

Come and join our New Years Eve Party with amazing live music from Collision ! £55.00 per person

January ‘80’s Party Night’

31st January. It’s time to dig out your Ra-Ra skirts and legwarmers and join us agai n for an 80’s themed disco! Fancy dress optional ! £22.95 per person

To advertise in Village Link call Andrew now on 01228 562904 or sales@village-link.co.uk

MONEY

The

Key Stages o f

wealth management

by Mike Turney, Principal of Mike Turney Wealth Management, Chartered Financial Planner and Fellow of the Personal Finance Society

ealth management is a relatively new profession, so it’s not surprising that most people are vague about what wealth managers actually do.

Wealth management addresses a wide range of issues. A wealth manager can help you with such issues as: investing a lump sum, deciding how much you need to save in order to retire comfortably, estate planning and saving inheritance tax, dividing up pension entitlements on a divorce or separation, getting the right types and amounts of life and health insurance, planning to pay school or university fees, deciding how much to borrow and providing a

W

The planner’s job is to find out what the client wants to achieve with their money, both now and in the future

general financial health check.

These are crucial issues for most people and their families, and it’s very important for a wealth manager, or adviser, to have a thorough understanding of clients’ aims and challenges.

It’s generally best to look at the whole of an individual’s financial affairs across the board, not just the issue that is of most immediate concern. It can sometimes be hard to deal with one particular issue in isolation because most areas of financial planning are interconnected.

Initially the wealth manager and client must get to know each other well enough to decide whether to take the relationship further and the best way for it to work. Either in the initial

meeting or soon after, this will involve agreeing the broad content and scope of the service and crucially how much it will all cost. The chemistry will need to be right - as a potential client, you should be asking yourself: do I trust this person and can I work with them? And it’s important to settle the practicalities: does this adviser and the firm have the right expertise and can they provide what I am looking for?

There’s likely to be an enormous amount of information to be gathered together about a person’s financial circumstances: savings, investments, borrowings, property, mortgages and other loans, wills and other documents, pensions, life and health insurances, income and expenditure, tax and much more.

But that’s only the start of this stage in the relationship. The planner’s job is to find out what the client wants to achieve with their money, both now and in the future. That means gaining a thorough understanding of their views about such issues as borrowing, investing, spending now and in the future, retirement and estate planning. Most people do not think about their future very much – at least not in a very organised way and not from a financial perspective.

In investment terms, there will be specific questions about

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the level of risk the client is prepared and able to take on.

And that will lead to discussion about how various asset classes have behaved in the past and what they might do in the future. The aim is to build a portfolio of investments that will provide the returns the investor wants and needs and with which they are comfortable. This can sometimes take a considerable amount of time.

The next step in the planning process is to make sense of all this information and come up with a range of preliminary conclusions and initial ideas for ways forward.

An important aim of the analysis stage is to identify financial gaps or shortfalls.

These could be between income and expenditure now or in the future, pension or insurance provision and several others where some action is needed to bridge the gap between aspiration and reality.

You might need to change your goals and aspirations and you may also need to adjust some of your current patterns of behaviour such as spending and saving. A very important issue is clarity about priorities – what might have seemed to be a high priority at the start of the process might have to be replaced by another need.

Once these needs and wants have been identified, , it’s time to do some specific product research into funds, tax wrappers – like isas - and insurance products.

There’s the planning part of the process, where the end result is a plan of action; and then there’s the implementation, where the outcome is a set of actions that carry out the plan.

Wealth managers are generally able to undertake both functions – for example, first

recommending a suitable portfolio of investments and then making the necessary purchases and sales.

But sometimes planners will work with other professionals like lawyers and accountants who can provide specialist legal and tax advice and help with the implementation of aspects of the plan.

Most clients want their adviser to keep an eye on their investments and other financial arrangements; you could, for example, receive periodic valuations, attend meetings or have phone calls on a regular basis, or as and when needed. The review process is intended to act as a catch up with what has changed – either in your own circumstances or in the financial world generally.

Much of the groundwork has already been done earlier, and so the review is likely to be shorter and easier to carry out than the initial meeting and report. But this might not turn out to be the case where there have been some very substantial changes in circumstances like a marriage, divorce or a substantial inheritance.

It is possible to carry out your own wealth management if you have the knowledge, time, patience and self-discipline. But there are good reasons why you probably won’t want to – even if you have all these characteristics. You may also find it hard to make these big decisions alone.

To receive a complimentary guide covering Wealth Management, Retirement Planning or Inheritance Tax Planning, contact Mike Turney, Principal of Mike Turney Wealth Management, on Telephone: 01228 406391 Mobile: 07850 580108 Email: mike.turney@sjpp.co.uk or

www.miketurneywealthmanagement.co.uk.

www.village-link.co.uk

7

FASHION ABOUT MASAI Founded in 1992, Danish brother and sister, Nina and Hans Rye sought to design for fashion conscious women who prefer a more relaxed, creative and individual style. Distinctive and interesting silhouettes, together with quality fabrics, subtle yet important detailing, provide a unique expression for our creatively inspired customers at Jiggery Pokery.

Masai is most definitely NOT a plus size brand, yet its easy flattering fabrics and lines effortless screen unwanted lines regardless of age or body shape.

Our AW14 Collection, our largest to date, provides women in Cumbria and the Borders an extensive selection of MASAI, the most comprehensive in our region this Autumn.

Autumn

STYLE

Use Your Voucher against any purchase from our Autumn/Winter 2014 range

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by Jane Coulthard, Jiggery Pokery

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Call Debbie on 07939 227 236 E: bbeautifulcarlisle@live.co.uk W: www.bbeautifulcarlisle.co.uk

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To advertise in Village Link call Andrew now on 01228 562904 or sales@village-link.co.uk

FOOD

PEARL OF WISDOM

Historically, the flowers and leaves of Elderflower have been used to relieve pain, swelling and inflammation.

Egyptians discovered that applying elder flowers improved the complexion and healed burns.

Flower water makes a soothing gargle and when strained makes an excellent eye wash. The leaves are a natural insect repellent, which is why you see Elder shrubs planted around compost heaps and outhouses.

For the best flavour Elderflowers should be collected when creamy coloured, before they turn white.

RECIPE

LEMON POSSET

LIGHT

refreshment

is back on, it will give me a break from the fictional world of crime!

- What a lovely summer we have had so far. I hope you have all been using your barbeques and making the most of al fresco dining. This year for the first time I made ‘Elderflower Cordial’ which turned out particularly well.

Here is the recipe I used.

INGREDIENTS • 500ml Double Cream • 140 grams Caster Sugar • Juice of 2 Lemons • Zest of 1 Unwaxed Lemon (Serves 6) METHOD Pour the double cream in a large pan and stir in the caster sugar. Bring slowly to the boil.

Boil for 3 minutes then remove from heat.

Add the lemon juice and whisk well. Pour into 6 dessert glasses. Refrigerate for 3 hours.

Sprinkle with a little lemon zest before serving.

Paul Taylor Head Chef

CROWN HOTEL, WETHERAL, CARLISLE

Funeral Directors & Memorial Consultants

37 Church St, Caldewgate, Carlisle CA2 5TL

T

here really is nothing on TV. When I talk of TV I mean BBC1, BBC2, ITV and Channel 4 which I call ‘ ‘normal channels’. Anything other than that are ‘not normal channels’ in my vocabulary. It’s an age thing.

We therefore invariably end up watching CSI or NCIS on a ‘not normal channel’. Because of this I think I could possibly now qualify as a forensic detective. It appears you only need a torch and some luminol spray and bob’s your uncle. Not quite sure why they don’t just turn the light on when they enter a room, but who am I to argue! A couple of years ago there was a house burgled near to us and the police called round to see if we had seen anything unusual. I actually had seen two men who were acting rather strangely in the field behind us a couple of days before, and my husband was quite surprised that I hadn’t gone out and taken a plaster cast of their footprints. I really feel I have missed my vocation in life. Roll on autumn when ‘Strictly Come Dancing’

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Place 25 elderflower heads in a large bowl with the freshly grated zest of three lemons and one orange. Bring 1.5 litres of water to the boil and pour over flower heads and zest, cover and leave overnight. The next day strain the liquid through a jelly bag into a large pan. Add 1kg sugar and the juice of the three lemons and one orange. Bring to the boil and simmer for five minutes. Pour into sterilised bottles. This is particularly nice diluted with soda water.

Mouth-watering inspiration from food editor Jane Ferguson www.village-link.co.uk

9

MOTORING

Written by Andrew Corrie

Test Drive

BMW i8

into this car presents a challenge.Happily, none of these applied, so I folded myself between the low roofline and the high sill and fell into the driving seat. (The back seats are too small for anyone except a child of single-digit age so will end up taking your bags).

I’d once again contacted my good friend Nigel, at Carlisle Airport, who very kindly let me use the

Motor Review

R

oads? Where we goin’ .. you don’t need roads”!

Doc Brown then jumps into his Delorean time machine and heads into the Future.

As I pulled up outside Village Link HQ with the new BMW i8, my wife burst out laughing and called me Marty McFly asking if I was heading Back to the Future!

Okay, there’s a slight nod back to the 80’s (remember the BMW M1?) but this is new-age sports car, nothing else looks remotely like

it (the ‘i’ alone makes it sound very trendy; the late 90’s saw everything ending in ‘tech’ - aero-tech, vtec, gtech, nautica tech, after that everything started with an ‘e’ - eBay, eMail, eHarmony and now ‘i’ - I thought Apple owned the rights to that letter?).

Since 1928 when BMW produced it’s first car, they have been churning out highly innovative, technologically advanced motor cars, this all new i8 leans on this very fine heritage in Motorsport.

For those with a bad back, pregnant or wanting to retain their dignity whilst wearing a short skirt, gaining access

main runway, sorry, the ‘apron’ (air side speak).

I’m so glad the Stobart Group have the approval for the development of the airport, because, boy, that runway needs to be re-surfaced - something you’d never consider until flying along it at 145mph (the speed a fast jet lands).

The BMW i8 is quick, 0-62 in 4.4 secs top speed of 155mph from a 3 cylinder 1.5 litre turbocharged engine, 2 electric motors and a flux capacitor... (which is obviously what makes time travel possible). With the electric motors, it just makes the delivery of power instant, then the engine kicks in with the other motor producing a whopping 362bhp, but this is the best bit, fuel consumption is a meagre 113 mpg!

Cost wise, well it’s £100k, a small price to pay in doing your bit to save the planet whilst having an extreme amount of fun.

MANY THANKS TO: Mike & Ryan Lloyd BMW, Carlisle Nigel Green at Carlisle Airport Mr Tinkler for permission to photograph his rather nice helicopter and Mrs Corrie for these amazing pictures!

10

To advertise in Village Link call Andrew now on 01228 562904 or sales@village-link.co.uk

HEALTH

Hollow Legs S

Written by Champion Cyclist and Pilates Instructor, Carol Westmorland

omething I practice and enjoy is an ice bath.

Hopping in following a cycle race I languish for twenty minutes – topping up with cold water from the tap – to keep the temperature down.

The water warms up surprisingly quickly. My muscles, tendons, bones, nerves and tissues need to recover and I use the time to reflect on the race that was.

There are many terms used in the cycling world for poor performance. One I like is hollow legs. It sums up that feeling of emptiness you experience when you are expecting too much. Tired, heavy, fatigued legs are the result of not enough attention given between races. You need to apply some procedures.

This, amongst many others, I find is one of them.

I believe it works.

When you emerge from the bath your legs fill up with ‘new’ blood that invigorates your muscles with oxygen to help the cells function better.

When you hop into an ice bath the cold water causes your blood vessels to tighten and drains the blood out of your legs. Not literally you understand.

You may find other side effects but for the purpose of this advice we do not need to dwell on those today.

Your ice bath only needs to cover the area you wish to concentrate on. I am concentrating on my legs so my ice bath is shallow. I am not suggesting that you submerge your entire body unless you have a particularly strong wish to suffer. Suffer you will not.

Your legs, after a short time - ten to twenty minutes, feel cold and numb. When you emerge from the bath your legs fill up with ‘new’ blood that invigorates your muscles with oxygen to help the cells function better.

The blood coming in then leaves, taking with it the lactic build up from the race or exertion you are going to recover from. Very simple.

I find my legs feel fantastic following my ice bath. Very fresh and invigorated with a tingling feeling , as they warm back up, that lasts for quite some time. It is also incredibly inexpensive . No need for a massage or special recovery drink. Just ten to twenty minutes of your time. Nice!

T: 01768 896733 | M: 07976 266335 Email: carol@pilates-cumbria.co.uk www.pilates-cumbria.co.uk People like to buy locally from businesses they know and trust

www.village-link.co.uk

11

TRAVEL YOUR GUIDE TO

NEW YORK Y

Explore this vibrant cultural capital WITH DAWSON & SANDERSON

ou haven’t really seen New York until you’ve seen it after dark. From romantic harbour cruises to tracking down ghosts in Greenwich Village, here’s a little taster on how to make the most our of your break to the ‘Big Apple’.

New York really is the city that never sleeps, something that you’ll instantly notice the moment you set foot in Times Square. Known as ‘The Crossroads of the World’, huge glittering banners and adverts make this an attraction best experienced at night. When the sun dips in the sky, the real fun begins. The skyline alights in a rainbow glow, the rooftop bars fill up and the dance music starts pounding. The same can be said for New York City’s tour guides and companies. They don’t call it quits once 5pm rolls around.

Instead, these night owls are on hand to introduce you to Gotham City after dark, from gliding along the Hudson River under the light of the moon to a toe-tapping jazz concert in Harlem.

Stepping out in New York is like stepping onto your very own film set. And it’s that takes the starring role. An iconic emblem of the United States, the famous mint green statue holding a torch with glistening gold flames dominates Upper New York Bay.

If you’re pressed for time, why not hop aboard a double decker bus for a whirlwind two-hour evening tour of the highlights of Manhattan and Brooklyn. The excursion starts in Times Square, where the lights don’t shine any brighter. Then the tour rumbles downtown, passing the signature shining spires of the

In New York City there are more than 26,000 people living in each square mile Empire State Building and the Chrysler Building. Next stop is Brooklyn – you’ll cross the Manhattan Bridge for incredible photo ops of the skyline. After a ride through beautiful Brooklyn Heights, with its brownstones lining the quiet streets, it’s time to head back to Manhattan for a twirl through the vibrant East Village, before returning to Times Square.

Despite being a big city destination, New York has a real focus on family fun. One of the best attractions to take the children along to is Coney Island, easily accessed by foot or car over the Brooklyn Bridge. Popular as a holiday spot for New Yorkers since the 1840s, the amusement park on the island has an authentic retro style, with big wheels, wooden rollercoasters and hot dog stands lining the board walk. There’s also a glistening stretch of golden coastline here, transforming family city breaks into action-packed beach holidays.

Back in the centre of New York, close to Central Park, the American Museum of Natural History is a site of endless wonder for adults and children alike.

There’s an amazing 32 million specimens in the museum, with some of the best including a 31-ton meteorite, a full-scale Blue Whale model, and a giant Tyrannosaurus Rex fossil skeleton.

Why not join us on 4th December for Christmas shopping in New York flying direct from Newcastle Airport. After being transferred from New York Newark Airport you will spend 4 nights at the Edison Hotel in Times Square, Midtown Manhattan. Built in 1931, the Hotel Edison is a prime example of Art Deco at its finest. Located in the heart of New York, this familyfriendly hotel is within walking distance of Minskoff Theater, Times Square, and Broadway.

Also nearby are Top of the Rock Observation Deck and NBC Studios. - all for £899 per person based on two sharing.

Don’t delay call us today on 01228 548899. Have a nice Day!!

Written by Stephen Dent Dawson & Sanderson, 31 Lowther Street, Carlisle Tel: 01228 548 899 | www.holidayco.co.uk

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www.driverevivecumbria.co.uk 12

BEFORE

• Zero Maintenance • Perfect Lawn All Year Round after

after

BEFORE

To advertise in Village Link call Andrew now on 01228 562904 or sales@village-link.co.uk

GARDENING

Parlez-vous

français?

Life and the occasional gardening tip from garden editor jason hindmoor

T

his year for our summer holidays we’ve decided to drive through France.

This is despite the fact that I have an 11 year old car that statistically makes it to its destination less often than a Malaysian Airplane. As well as my wife, I thought this year I would take my parents with us for ballast. This always seems like a good idea until my Mum tries to bring her bedding, food and toilet with her for the week (“you can’t trust the French because they sometimes just have that hole in the ground”).

As well as these necessities, the new laws in France now mean that you have to carry breathalysers with you as well as a warning triangle and hi vis vests. I can only assume this has something to do with some sort of self-policing policy designed to cut the cost of the Police Force in France.

It’s also illegal to name a pig Napoleon in France but I’m not sure where you would stand with 5 kilos of bacon

Therefore if you suspect that your husband/wife has had too much to drink i.e. you’ve served it to them, then you can ask them to pull over the car, put on your hi vis vest, assemble your warning triangle and then breathalyse the driver. If they fail it, then you can perform a citizens arrest and drive them to the police station for booking.

I’m not sure it will catch on but it does provide a good evening game after a few glasses of wine to see who has the highest blood alcohol level. The forfeit is that whoever has the lowest is therefore legally safe to load the dishwasher and make the coffee.

There’s always something to be doing in the garden, whether it’s pruning, tidying or sowing, so here are some gardening jobs for September.

Only in France!

I also learned that in France it if you take an animal under 5 kilos on the train then it must have a separate ticket. One poor fellow in 2008 was fined for carrying live snails without a ticket on a TGV. He should have just eaten them but that may have been construed as concealing the evidence. Anyway this worried my mum all holiday as she wouldn’t leave our accommodation without at least a couple of kilos of bacon in her handbag. As well as 14 tea bags and three bananas. In the end we just got the bacon a weekly travelsaver ticket just to be safe.

It’s also illegal to name a pig Napoleon in France but I’m not sure where you would stand with 5 kilos of bacon.

The law is never black and white I suppose. I think the Italians have got it right as they have a law whereby it is illegal to wear polyester if you are obese. I’m busy writing to my MP as we speak as I would like this law introduced but amended to include spandex and cycling shorts just to be safe. It also seems that in France you have to pay one euro to use the toilets.

For your one euro investment you are then followed into the Gents by an old man handing you what looks a face cloth. I’m never sure what you are supposed to do with the face cloth but he doesn’t seem to want it back afterwards. Anyway I can’t see this catching on in Botchergate on a Friday night.

As Mark Twain said ‘travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrowmindedness’

We are proud to be an independent, Carlisle based, family run publication

• Continue to feed and dead-head your hanging baskets and container plants - they will often keep going until the first frosts.

• With wetter weather arriving this month, it’s the ideal time to order trees and shrubs. They will grow vigorously next spring if planted this autumn.

• Spread newly dug potatoes out to dry for a few hours before storing them in a cool dark place.

Store them in paper or hessian sacks as this will allow the crop to breathe while it is in storage. Only store undamaged, disease free tubers - one rotten potato can ruin your whole crop!

• September is a good time to plant new perennials as the soil is still warm but there is generally more rainfall.

• Plant spring-flowering bulbs such as daffodils, crocus and hyacinths now.

• Start the autumn cleanup.

Remove any old crops that have finished and clear away weeds to leave your plot clean and tidy for the winter.

Ring Garden Maintenance Services Jason: 01228 561989 / 07812 438810 John: 01228 564083 / 07966 415061 www.village-link.co.uk

13

The Redfern Inn Friendly, historic inn situated north of the river Eden in the suburb of Etterby The Redfern Inn is one of several pubs in Carlisle built in this style by the architect Harry Redfern. The pub was built in 1938 and named after Mr. Redfern, towards the end of his work for the Carlisle and District State Management Scheme.

Our pub offers a welcoming, friendly atmosphere with live bands on every weekend as well as darts, pool and two football teams. We also show BT Sports.

We have a Children’s Menu and every week there is a Sunday Roast with two roast meats to choose.

We cater for Birthday’s, Christening’s, Funeral’s and Meetings, where buffets and celebration cakes can be supplied.

Our kitchen is under new ownership with a new menu of fresh homemade food including proper chips, deserts and delicious cakes; all of which can be eat in or takeaway.

14

10

Food is served Mon-Thu from 3pm-8pm; Fri & Sat 12 noon - 8pm and Sun 12 noon - 6pm. The open hours for the Bar are Mon - Thu 3pm - 12am; Fri & Sat 12 noon -1am and Sun 12 noon - 12am. Alongside a variety of drinks, we also serve Guest Ales and Malt Whiskies.

We have plenty of outdoor seating in our huge beer garden which also has a football net for adults & children to play. Parking facilities are available at the front of the building and the No. 76 bus stops right outside the pub front door.

Call in to our lively community local pub and meet Angela & Carol or ring us on (01228) 538162.

16-70 Seater Coaches for Air & Seaport Transfers, Private Hire, Day Trips and Special Events

07711 064 841

www.metcalfecoaches.co.uk Langdale, 93 Cumwhinton Road, Carlisle CA1 3JB

%

OFF

YOUR FOOD & DRINK BILL* The Redfern Inn, Kingmoor Road, Etterby, Carlisle CA3 9PS Tel: (01228) 538162. *Upon presentation of this voucher. No photocopies accepted.

To advertise in Village Link call Andrew now on 01228 562904 or sales@village-link.co.uk

Your Voice EVENTS • STORIES • CONCERNS • FUNNIES • Gas, oil & LPG registered • Fire & fireplace fitting • Specialized in all • Bathroom suite fitting aspects of installation • All aspects of plumbing and Servicing work work undertaken • Landlord safety checks, • Worcester Bosch including residential Accredited Installer park homes & caravans Springcroft, Hornsby Gate, Cumbria CA8 9HG

Mobile: 07765 863 167 Email: sgsplumbing@AOL.co.uk

If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

50 years ago this September/October ... from 1964 •

• •

•

•

You were listening to I´m Into Something Good (Herman´s Hermits) and Always Something There.. (Sandie Shaw) The Forth Road Bridge opens The Sun Newspaper is born on the 15th of September replacing the Daily Herald.

Top Ten TV Shows were 1. Steptoe and Son (BBC) 2. Sunday Palladium (ITV) 3. Coronation Street (ITV) 4. Dick Powell Theatre (BBC) 5. Take Your Pick (ITV) 6. Royal Variety Show (BBC) 7. No Hiding Place (ITV) 8. Armchair Theatre (ITV) 9. It’s Tarbuck (ITV) 10. Crane (ITV) At the cinema the new films included Mary Poppins, Goldfinger, Pink Panther, A Hard Days Night and My Fair Lady.

A Scottish woman went to the local newspaper office to publish the obituary for her recently deceased husband.

The obit editor informed her that there is a charge of 50 pence per word. She paused, reflected, and then said, “Well then, let it read, “Angus MacPherson died.” Amused at the woman’s thrift, the editor told her that there is a seven word minimum for all obituaries. She thought it over and in a few seconds said, “In that case, let it read ... “Angus MacPherson died. Golf clubs for sale.”

It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

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Parking available at the front or at the rear of the store

Every issue is available online and free to read

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15

CYCLING

the

exercise Challenge!

P

CYCLING TIPS AND ADVICE FROM SPORT EDITOR GARY DICKSON

erhaps like millions of people in this country you have thought “I need to get more exercise”. Perhaps you’ve even taken positive action to sort this nagging problem and joined a gym! But, after the initial burst of enthusiasm you are only getting there 2 or 3 times a month. Then you are on holiday and have no time the week before or after. Next comes mid-term break and the kids are off school. Five months into your new exercise program you do a review.

Things are not looking so good.

When you do the sums and compare your attendance with what you are paying monthly you realise that one hours exercise is costing more than £20! So you up your determination to get back on track. But it’s not long until things get in the way and you are struggling again. Your next review uncovers the heart of the problem. You know the exercise is good for you and you enjoy the wellbeing feeling after you’ve done it, but the actual getting there and the doing is an arduous matter.

However all is not lost in dealing with the exercise challenge. Your bike is the answer! For many people using a bike to get to work on, or

to go to the shops, takes little more time than driving their car. Using your bike as a form of transport means it doubles up as a form of exercise too, without any additional time cost and has fuel saving added in as a bonus.

Once you get on your bike you’ve started. Cycling is a great form of exercise because it’s a happy pursuit. It puts you in a good frame of mind. It’s an enjoyable rather than tedious form of exercise. Fresh air and scenery all add to the experience. Cycling can be enjoyed together as a family, from kids to grandparents.

So, to sum up it’s true to say that cycling is one of the best kinds of exercise for keeping fit.

It raises your heart rate, doesn’t damage your joints and is fun to do.

What more can you ask for?

Scotby Cycles, Church St (opp. McVities), Caldewgate, Carlisle Tel: 01228 546931

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16

To advertise in Village Link call Andrew now on 01228 562904 or sales@village-link.co.uk

Your Voice EVENTS • STORIES • CONCERNS • FUNNIES What’s the difference between Noah’s Ark and Joan of Ark? One’s made of wood, the other’s Maid of Orleans.

Football Madness

It would be best if some footballers didn’t speak at all: “My parents have always been there for me, ever since I was about seven.” David Beckham “I wouldn’t be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the league.” Mark Viduka “If you don’t believe you can win, there is no point getting out of bed at the end of the day.” Neville Southall “I’ve never wanted to leave. I’m here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well.” Alan Shearer “I’d like to play for an Italian Club, like Barcelona ” Mark Draper “Without being too harsh on David Beckham, he cost us the match.” Ian Wright DID I SAY THAT? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn’t control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: ‘Give me all your money or I’ll shoot”, the man shouted, “that’s not what I said!”

SCOTBY MOTOR SERVICES

Eden House, Lancaster St, Carlisle CA1 1TF www.homeplankitchens.co.uk email: info@homeplankitchens.co.uk

Nora: I’m not over impressed with these new energy saving light bulbs.

Fred: Why’s that my dear?

Nora: You’ve still got to get up and switch them on!

Homeplan provides you with a full service, from initial consultation to design, implementation and commissioning.

Telephone: 01228 535191 Fax: 01228 535944.

Email us on info@homeplankitchens.co.uk Call in Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm or Saturday 9am to 2pm to see our range of traditional and modern kitchens, bathrooms, bedrooms and integrated kitchen appliances to meet all budgets. Full design and installation service, or supply only, to suit your requirements.

Eden House Lancaster Street Carlisle CA1 1TF

www.homeplankitchens.co.uk email: info@homeplankitchens.co.uk Your online advert includes a Live Link to your website at no extra cost

www.village-link.co.uk

17

VILLAGE NOTES

poor

service Village Life Blog by Sarah J. L. Briggs

A

nybody who reads this column regularly will know that there are many reasons why I think living in Cumbria is fantastic. One of them is that on the whole people have time to be pleasant.

This doesn’t just apply to waiting in bus queues but also to service in shops. After all it costs nothing to smile and in an area like this news of poor service travels rapidly. Remember the post office (I think it was) advert?...a few years ago – something along the lines that people tell 9 people about bad customer service and only one about good?

Because service locally is, on the whole, great, poor service sticks out like a sore thumb: and can’t help much in sustaining repeat custom. There’s a certain village pub which has changed hands twice in recent years. It used to have a fantastic reputation and the food and the service were both excellent. It was our pub of choice when we wanted to go out for a special occasion.

The pub then changed hands and the next owners offered very mediocre food. So we were delighted when we heard that a third operator had taken it over and that the food had improved again. Sadly it appears that the new management team are very fussy about to whom they serve food. I went in for a drink with a friend and asked whether there was anything available by way of a light meal. It was only about 8.30pm but the surly chef made it quite clear that he was not going to prepare even a starter-sized meal in addition to what he was already doing.

My husband went to the same pub just a week or so later, having cycled there from work with a friend. Again they were refused service: this time because (they think)

they were in cycling clothes. They go in – particularly not if you have asked if they could eat outside and children with you – and you have to were again told ‘no’. Apparently have a good look at the produce as it the pub doesn’t cater for people has been known to be mouldy (which, eating outside even on a warm by the way, is illegal). summer evening. So my husband There’s a training course coming up and his friend went to the Crown in Brampton soon on this very subject, Hotel at Wethadvertised with eral where, he People tell 9 people about the strapline reported, they “81% of custombad customer service had an excelers are willing to and only one about good lent meal and pay more for a the service better customer was friendly. Next time we want to experience” (Source: Oracle). As meet up for a meal with our friends with so many things, why on earth do who live in that area, we’ll be headpeople need training courses about ing for the Crown. something which is so blindingly Similarly there’s a shop in obvious?

Brampton which does itself no Of course it can work the other way favours. I was talking about it to a as well. I was having a (brief) chat friend recently and she agreed: we once with someone serving in a local both tend to avoid this particular shop and a visitor to the area in the shop. The staff give the impression queue behind me got so cross at that they’d really rather you didn’t having to wait that she stormed off.

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I said ‘drop dead, PLEASE!’”

18

www.smallwoodinteriors.co.uk

To advertise in Village Link call Andrew now on 01228 562904 or sales@village-link.co.uk

COMPETITION

WIN

International Adventure Film Tour Coming to Penrith!

1 x Pair of Tickets to see

An inspiring and truly unique international film tour called the ‘Reel Rock Film Tour’ is coming to the UK with an event at the Rheged Centre, Penrith on Thursday 23 October.

A

B

the f in rheged ilm on 23rd oct

C

To be in a with a chance of winning 1 x pair of tickets to watch this amazing film, just answer this simple question: An annual tour of the world’s best new adventure and climbing films. his year’s Reel Rock Tour showcases the feature length documentary VALLEY UPRISING - which will treat UK audiences to a rare trip back in time to experience 60 years of climbing history, epic rivalry, adventure and rebellion. Vividly brought to life on the big screen through digitally animated-archival photography, spectacular movie footage from today and the past as well as interviews with climbing legends, VALLEY UPRISING tells the story of the bold men and women that broke with convention and redefined the limits of human possibility in California’s Yosemite National Park.

For a taste of Valley Uprising, watch the trailer here: https://www.youtube.com/ watch?v=o86TpaSBcWw SUMMARY OF VALLEY UPRISING The story of Yosemite as recorded in the history books, captured on film and spoken by the campfire can be divided into three discrete but interlocking generations.

THE GOLDEN AGE (Part 1). It was in the early days, during the 50s and 60s, that (now) legendary climbers dreamt up the incomprehensible notion of ascending Yosemite’s massive, cloud-scraping vertical walls. These climbers forged a revolution in climbing and a way of life. THE STONEMASTERS (Part 2).

T

Inspired by their predecessors, the 70’s climbers were audacious in personality and vision. They applied their talent to “free-climbing”, ascending the mega routes without the use of artificial aids, and only with their hands and feet which made for some of the most impressive and athletic feats in human record. THE STONE MONKEYS (Part 3). With the dawn of a new century, came the emergence of the “Stone Monkeys”, a young and modern band of brothers who have achieved feats of adventure once thought impossible. Exactly 50 years after the ground-breaking first ascent of Half Dome that took 5 days, Alex Honnold, a shy, goofy twenty-something living out of his van, made the ascent alone, with no rope, in under three hours, arguably completing the greatest rock climbing ascent in the history of the sport.

ABOUT THE REEL ROCK TOUR The Reel Rock Film Tour offers audiences so much more than just a film night (albeit it with the best new adventure films around!). The screenings are inspiring events where outdoors lovers and climbers alike come together to celebrate adventure and leave with new enthusiasm and inspiration for their next adventure. Audiences also have a chance to win some fantastic prizes provided by the Tour’s sponsors.

For Reel Rock Film Tour tickets and further information go to www.reelrock.co.uk

Your message is delivered directly to homeowner occupiers

Which National Park features in this film?

Email your answer to: editor@village-link.co.uk by

Wed 1st October

leaving your name, address and contact telephone number, or post your answer to our address found on page 3.

D E

A. Dale Bard, Jim Bridwell, Fred East, Billy Westbay, Jay Fisk, top of El Capitan’s Pacific Ocean Wall 1975. Photo: Werner Braun. B. Werner Braun on Reed’s Pinnacle Direct, late 1970s. Photo: Bob Gaines.

C. Chuck Pratt Juggling near Vernal Fall 1968. Photo: Glen Denny D. Lynn Hill on Half Dome. Photo: Charlie Row 1977 E. Dave Diegelman on Separate Reailty.

Photo: George Meyers

www.village-link.co.uk

19

COMPETITION

WIN

Christmas

at the Crown Hotel 2 COURSE AS CHRISTMN CH LU RE FAY LE P PEO FOR TWO E AT TH L Crossword No XC254711 OWN HOTE CR WETHERAL ACROSS: 3. Throw from playing field (5) 8. One who tries to impress with tricky question about university (6) 9. Start rioting perhaps when taking time out (6) 10. Affectionate term for attractive woman (4) 11. Athlete wounded golfer with gun (4-6) 12. Recall amazing wine collection (6) 13. Milan team in France is to provoke curiosity (8) 16. Everywhere is in a disorganised muddle (3,4,3,5) 18. So pleb is reformed? That can be done (8) 21. Take no notice of foreign fellow missing at sea (6) 23. Fault-finding editor promises to pay (10) 25. Remaining in port (4) 26. Llama from mountain starts to annoy certain associates (6) 27. Shellfish is unknown in new store (6) 28. Tower discovered by some happy Londoners (5)

DOWN 1. After the pub head of economics makes a scene (6) 2. Revolting roué libels Dicky (10) 3. Keep quiet over book (8) 4. Give up with whole rotten mess (5,2,3,5) 5. Dish stolen by dope (6) 6. Some upstanding prominent figures show talent (4) 7. Miscellaneous birds (6) Full Name: DOWN 12. Guy entertains Mark and Victor (5) m playing field (5) 1 After the pub head14. ofStern economics makesa smaller a engineer advanced sum (10) Address: 15.

Article by me provides topic (5) ries to impress with tricky scene (6) Postcode: 17. English girl backing Number One release (8) bout university (6) 2 Revolting roué libels Dicky (10) 19. Finished and emptied lorry too (6) Telephone: ng perhaps when taking time out 3 Keep quiet over book (8) has to polish up material (6) 20. Friend 22. Instinctive reaction from referee gets the 4 Give up with whole rotten mess (5,2,3,5) Complete the crossword and post to Village Link (see p3 for address) or email the French cross (6) ate term foranswers attractive woman 5 All Dish stolen by dope (6) and your details to: (4) editor@village-link.co.uk. correctly completed 24. Introduction of speed camera’s not entries will be entered into a prize draw which will take place on the 10th October ounded golfer with gun (4-6) 6 Some upstanding prominent figures show half a con (4)

The first entry drawn will be the winner. azing wine 2014. collection (6) talent (4) m in France is to provoke 7 Miscellaneous birds (6) 8) 12 Guy entertains Mark and Victor (5) re is in a disorganised muddle 14 Stern engineer advanced a smaller sum (10) reformed? That can be done (8) 15 Article by me provides topic (5) otice of foreign fellow missing at 17 English girl backing Number One release (8) ing editor promises to pay (10) 19 Finished and emptied lorry too (6) g in port (4) 20 Friend has to polish up material (6) m mountain starts to annoy 22 Instinctive reaction from referee gets the ociates (6) French cross (6) s unknown 24in Village Introduction of speed not half a 20in new store (6) To advertise Link call Andrew now camera’s on 01228 562904 or sales@village-link.co.uk covered by some happy con (4) s (5)

KIDS COMPETITION

Stone Eden Nursery

where’s

Bear?

B

ear is a keen rambler but with a poor sense of direction (stuffing for brains!) and has got lost again in Carlisle.

However, he has his phone with him and has sent this photo of what he can see.

WIN

NURSERY SCHOOL

£25

Flexible childcare solutions all on one site, including FREE 15hrs for children aged 2 and 3 years Rural location close to city centre, with stunning outdoor facilities Ample and safe parking for parents picking up and dropping off Full time Chef’s preparing and cooking high quality food Holiday Club for 4-11 year olds High Quality Apprentice Training Programme (Annual Vacancies)

Do you know

where bear

is?

If you do, then go and rescue him before anyone else does! When he is safely at home with you, get your mum or dad to email us at bear@village-link.co.uk, leaving your name and address and bear’s dad will be round to pick him up and hand over your cash reward.

Last Issue’s Winner Well done to Ben & Oliver who found bear on Longlands Road, and received their £25 reward.

Tel: 01228 599400/07769 560443 www.stoneedennursery.co.uk

Ben (8), Oliv

er (5)

Wheelbarrow Hall, Holme Lane, Aglionby, Carlisle, CA4 8AD Remember: Leave it a week before you go looking for bear.

All the deliveries must be finished to keep it fair.

Exclusive to Carlisle by local Carlisle people

www.village-link.co.uk

21

rget to fo t ’ n o d e s a le P ge Link mention Vdilinlag to adverts w hen respon

Directory

Ring Andrew now on 01228 562904 and get your business included this great local directory!

CA R AVA N S E R V I C I N G

GA R DE N S E R V I CE S

KE Y CUTTI NG

LONGTHWAITE GARDENS

Caravan Servicing and Maintenance We offer either a full service, a chassis service or a habitation check at a very competitive rate.

We can also provide you with spare parts.

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Landscaping • Drainage Clearance • Paving Fencing • Decking Real & Artificial Turf Tree Surgeons Fully Insured

01228 564032 07766 962675

www.longthwaitegardens.co.uk 3 Longthwaite Farm, Warwick Bridge, Carlisle

Tel: 07920 116 825 whitesykecaravanscarlisle.co.uk ROO FIN G

T. forsyth ROOFING

• Slating & Tiling • uPVC Fascias • Soffits & Guttering • Cleaning & Repairs • Fibre Glass, Flat & Felt Roofing

Call Thomas Forsyth on 01228 808903 or

carleton paving Local & Independent services with loads of FREE PARKING for your convenience Car keys & Remote’s • Key Cutting Shoe Repair • Dry Cleaning Engraving • Sharpening Watch repairs Currys PC World Car Park, Kingstown, Carlisle

www.keyishoes.co.uk WI NDO W CL E ANI NG

Call Scott on Tel: 07708 383 937

07747 885245

gleamcleaning@live.co.uk

G ARAG E D OO R S

H A NDY M AN

& groundworks

• Driveways • Foundations, Drainage & Floors • Fencing, Turf & Patios • Walls & Brickwork • VAT Free Telephone NICK now on

Call Simon on: 07808 793418

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electrical services

FI R E W O OD

Gleam Window Cleaning, Gutter Cleaning, Facia Cleaning, Conservatory Roof Cleaning

PAV I NG

Your local electrician for all your domestic wiring needs: New fuse boards, extra sockets, security alarms, lighting and inspection and testing.

LOGS FOR SALE

Firewood delivered at competitive rates

Hardwood logs

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Dry logs for woodburning stoves Ring Mark 016973 45419 after 6pm or 07879 824481

CAR VALE TI NG

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22

Established for over 40 years

Tiling • Slating Flat Roofing Single Ply Roofing Lead Work • Roof Windows Chimney Rendering Re-Roofing Call Tony Stasiuk

Tel/Fax: 01228 670665 Mobile: 07764 694 369

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To advertise in Village Link call Andrew now on 01228 562904 or sales@village-link.co.uk

DIRECTORY If someone is looking for a trader who do you think they will call?

Will they look through every directory they have to find your number, or will they ring the easiest one to find? Put yourself in this position! Our magazine sits on the coffee table of thousands of local homes until the next one arrives.

BUIL D ERS

GA R DE N S E R V I C E S

BAR BE R S

Opening Times:

Mon 10am-6pm Tue 10am-6pm Wed CLOSED Thu 10am-6pm Fri10am-6pm Sat 9am-3pm

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CAD

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89 London Road • Carlisle • CA1 2LG

01228 513058

Call Ruth on 07999 847922

SCULPTUR E S

D E CO R ATO RS

Harriet Knibbs Sculptures

Unique Hand-made and Hand-painted Animal Sculptures ~ Custom Paintwork

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http://harrietknibbssculpturesltd. weebly.com/

Call Jonny on Mobile: 07753 696 456

Teens nowadays have their texting codes (LOL, B4N, ROTFL etc) - Not to be outdone by these little SNK (snotty nosed kids), we long-suffering seniors have our own texting codes!

Texting for seniors as follows:

Gutter cleaning

For all your es handyman servic

Interior & exterior decorating services

Unique Handmade

Cushions&Doorstops

cabbageandcurtainrail.co.uk

Excellent value for money with high exposure

ATD - At The Doctor’s BFF - Best Friend’s Funeral BTW - Bring The Wheelchair BYOT - Bring Your Own Teeth DWI - Driving Whilst Incontinent FWIW - Forgot Where I Was FYI - Found Your Insulin IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On? LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out ROTFL..CGU - Rolling On The Floor Laughing...Can’t Get Up Hope these help! GGLKI - Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In www.village-link.co.uk

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