How to Be an Ally | By: Camden Blowers

Written By: Camden Blowers | Photos By: Brooke Wolfe | Graphics By: Brynn Martin | Designed By: Camden Blowers Growing up, Tamara Empty attended Valley High School in West Des Moines, where she said she was graced with many friends who loved her for who she was. Soon after Empty graduated, she attended the University of Missouri.

After touring the campus, she immediately thought to herself “where are my people at?” African-American (Empty’s preferred identifier) and feeling alone, Empty committed to finding others like herself. She became a resident assistant for an international building on campus called Defoe-Graham. The place felt like “home,” and Empty started to feel more comfortable with herself and heritage.

With this comfort came a desire for expression. Empty started to share about her culture on her social media platforms. The posts started to amplify in number, in depth — and apparently in controversy. Empty soon saw an increase in high school friends unfollowing her. She also started hearing the phrase “I just now realized that you were black,” to which she could only respond, “I have been Black this whole entire time.”

That is when Empty knew that some people only liked her when she acted white. Even though embracing her culture has cost her friends and followers, it has also made her more comfortable in her own skin than she ever was before.

Empty said that throughout her life she has experienced numerous micro-aggressions that she believes were committed without realization. Dictionary.com defines a micro-aggression as a subtle but offensive comment or action directed at a member of a marginalized group, especially a racial minority, that is often unintentionally offensive or unconsciously reinforces a stereotype.

Some examples: “You don’t sound black. You sound/act white.” “I’m not racist; I have a black friend.” “I do not see color.” They can also go unspoken when people do things such as clutch a purse or wallet a little bit tighter when a person of color walks by.

“By someone saying ‘I can’t see color,’ (it) means that they are not taking the time to actually see me,” Empty said. “You don’t see the actual color (that) I am and the things that I have to go through. But, if you see that I am Black, you see the things I have to go through and face. You are seeing me. Recognize what our struggles are.”.

Far too many times the phrase “you don’t sound black” or “you sound/act white” comes up in a conversation. Telling people of color that they are not acting or sounding like the stereotype that the world has put on them is not a compliment. Rather, it’s a direct comparison of two races. A person of color should not be compared to the white race when they sound educated as this suggests only white people are educated.

Similarly the Black community often speaks in Ebonics, a form of American English that is regarded by linguists as a language in its own right rather than a dialect of standard English, according to dictionary.com.

“Part of (showing support) is that there is room for all of us,” Andrews said. “You need to be mindful how advocacy works,” Betty Andrews, president of the Iowa and Nebraska NAACP chapters, said.

Change comes from education, awareness, support and actions on a societal level. So many times, white people are stuck between feelings of “this is not my fight” or “I do not know how to support.” Change demands that white people get over the discomfort and fear that comes with conversations about racial injustice. There is no more time to sit back and wait until the next death or injustice committed against a person of color.

Empty and Andrews said it is important for white allies to recognize privilege. Once privilege is recognized, the next step is to use it to help those without it.

“A lot of people do not recognize that they have the power to help us,” Empty said.

Intervention starts at the dinner table, residence hall, classroom or even the work place.

“Start being a stop sign,” Andrews said.

Those who are privileged can act as a “stop sign” for microaggressions, racial slurs or dehumanizing comments about the Black ethnicity. As a stop sign, the duty is to express that the conversation is wrong and that the words being used are offensive. It is best to stop the conversation before it gets worse. Of course, there is the discomfort of telling someone to stop, but that is why racial justice is often referred to as a struggle.

The alternative is to let the comments go unchecked. In this case, the person who is engaging in racist comments will think that you are fine with the conversation, which will lead to more conversations about the same topic. Habitually racist behaviors will not stop until one is educated or told that their actions are wrong. Once you stop the first conversation, doing

it again becomes easier. Here are a few sentences that can work as a stop sign: “We cannot continue this conversation.” “I do not agree with your beliefs.” Lastly, “Would you be comfortable saying that in front of a Black person?”

White people have the privilege to use their voice and be heard. Take it upon yourself to say something.

The next step is to show up. Show up for your friends or family of color either physically, verbally or emotionally. Verbal and emotional support entails checking up on your friends of color. Many Black people are fearful right now, and this requires monitoring. This is the time to go past the simple “Are you doing OK?” This is the time to show that you are truly invested in them rather than sending out an obligatory text.

Verbal support can also come in the form of the words that you speak on a daily basis. Bring the conversation about racial injustice outside of your “safe space.” Have tough conversations. Change is not made by being silent, so don’t be afraid to talk about the unsolved cases of missing or murdered people of color. Bring awareness to the unjust situations by showing up for your Black friends. The more white people show up verbally, the more weight and stress they take off of those that are fighting this battle every single day.

Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Actions are how you can physically show your support. Whether it’s going to a protest, or a march or putting up a sign showing support in your front yard, physical demonstrations catch the eye and bring attention quickly to the subject at hand. Physically standing up and actively participating in marching and protests shows the physical support that Black people need.

Another way to be an ally is to educate yourself. Take it upon yourself to look up and advocate for people of color regarding educational disparities, the wealth gap or workplace inequality. In the age of misinformation, it’s useful to have trustworthy information and statistics when talking to people in the field.

White people can also invest time and resources into Black organizations. Ask organizational leaders what they need you to do rather than assuming. Sometimes all that they need is a volunteer to help with an event or a person to spread their message and mission. So many times, there is a lack of listening when helping.

One of the last ways to support is to donate money. Think about donating to local organizations as well as those on the national level. A couple of Black-focused organizations in the Des Moines area are the B. Well Foundation and NAACP. Take the time to research and look into these organizations and others.

Above all else, don’t do nothing. Sitting back and watching others struggle mentally and physically is not what human beings are supposed to do. So many times, our own egos and lack of education gets in the way, and this is not the time for it. We can change the world but not before we change our own behaviors. As Des Moines Black Lives Matter organizer Matthew Bruce put it, showing up the first time is growth, but showing up the second and third time is sustainability and change.

PRIVILEGE QUIZ A first step to becoming an ally is acknowledgment of your own privilege. This quiz is designed to help you see advantages you enjoy that many black people do not.

I am white

I have never been a racial minority in a crowded room I have never been mocked for the way I talk

I have never been told I am beautiful for my race

I have never been a victim of racial violence

I have never had a stranger try to touch my hair

I have never been told “you sound/act white”