Surviving the Unthinkable and THRIVING

Student Profile By Dan Blackwell

Twenty years ago, Star Spider set out as a backpacker eager to see the world, but a chance encounter with a friendly couple changed her path. Drawn by the promise of community and friendship, she spent seven years in a cult and many more untangling herself from it. She is now pursuing a Master of Theological Studies at Emmanuel College with an interfaith focus, hoping to support others who have faced similar experiences.

“I consider my time at Emmanuel a new chapter in my life,” said Spider, who felt a connection to Emmanuel following her first visit to campus. “I quickly realized that Emmanuel is more than a place of learning. It is a supportive and welcoming community where I feel safe to ask questions and to begin authentically engaging with prayer and spirituality.”

Spider also plans to earn a Master of Psychospiritual Studies as a pathway to psychotherapy after completing her theological studies. Students who complete Emmanuel’s Certificate in Spiritual Care and Psychotherapy within the MPS program often go on to careers as chaplains, ministers or spiritual care practitioners in hospitals, prisons and other public institutions.

“I have a passion for both paths—personal care and academic learning and writing—so I wanted to complete both programs,” she said.

Spider, who already works as a counsellor supporting survivors and family members of coercive groups, said spiritual support is often part of the healing process.

“Faith and spirituality often come into these conversations in complex and tender ways,” she said.

“Sometimes it means helping survivors wrestle with whether and how to hold on to their faith after being harmed by a faith-based group. Other times, it means sitting with parents who want to pray for their children.”

For Spider, helping others who have fallen victim to coercive groups is a personal calling rooted in her own traumatic experience of leaving a cult. That experience began unexpectedly.

“It was a totally random meeting at a restaurant I worked in and this couple just pulled me in,” she said. “At first there is plenty of love bombing (the manipulative use of overwhelming affection and attention to build trust and dependency) and then it moved into a period where I ended up living with them, cooking and cleaning for them.”

Spider said the couple broke her down over time through relentless criticism and strange rituals disguised as therapy. She was manipulated into distancing herself from friends and family, and found herself doing countless hours of unpaid labour for their business. Weakened and exhausted, she eventually found her way to freedom with the help of a therapist.

Her experiences led her to found Counter, a nonprofit that tackles psychological manipulation and coercive control.

Counter offers prevention and recovery tools to help clients and their relatives identify and escape coercive groups including cults, conspiracy and hate groups and controlling intimate partner relationships. Spider said Emmanuel College gives her an opportunity to take this work further.

“I really want more tools in my toolkit to help my clients,” she said. “I’m hoping that with Emmanuel College I’ll get practical experience and a better understanding of how to help people from different faith backgrounds and integrate that into my work.”

Photo: Neil Gaikwad