VERSUS Skatezine 20

www.myspace.com/ohlalasupply www.versus-skatezine.ca versus_skatezine@hotmail.com Cover: AurĂŠlien Cambon photo: Crap Toutes les photos du T.D.L. sont de Jan @ roja-media (sauf Pole-Jam par Fred); Merci Ă la famille, aux amis, et au skateboard...

La Tour des Lavettes...

On the Road with a Boy-Group!

(By Jan aka The Boss) The Start: This notorious road trip began, where everything important in the world of entertainment starts these days: in Berlin! Why there was only G.I. Jey and Jani at the start is hard to say! Could’ve had something to do with a huge staple of furniture?!

Who knows..!

The first day, they went on a mission without car, driver & cameraman, and were pretty lost in the huge city.

The next day, they got lost with a car, driver & cameraman!

Somehow, 1 000 km later, they reached the capital of cheese, choco-

late & watches: Berne! Plan was that G.I. Jey & Jani would catch up with the other members of the Boygroup in Switzerland’s capitol, but Miscl’ and Fredo for their part entered Switzerland’s famous Music festival on the Hill. 5am the next morning, the car got packed, the driver took a strong coffee and everything was ready! Everything? Not quite.

Miscl’ & Fredo were still piss-drunk, one had “Paint the whole town red” and the other a French flag painted on their arm! The backseat of the glamorous tour bus looked more like a Junkie-Gaylord thing!

The driver & cameraman had a hard job to save the boys from hungry paparazzi.

But as we all know, beauty and power comes from within, and when the Tour bus stopped for the first time, the whole group was down for some serious action!

G.I. Jey made the hearts of fans beat faster by cruising the ditch in a huge lumberjack shirt, which was dancing in the wind! Beautiful!

Fredo made the cameraman happy with a dangerous move in front of a moving car with flashlights.

The last stop in Switzerland was in front of a library (or maybe THE library) in Brig. The session started pretty good, Fredo & Jani soon got their maneuvers on film.

But then the place got overcrowded, it seemed like that every single citizen of Brig came to the library. No wonder, since the town doesn’t have much more to offer on a Saturday!

So the Boys and their fellows soon took off, leaving more than just trash on the parking lot.

Thanks to a sparkling blue plastic Jesus on the windshield mirror and the glamorous smile of the boys, the tour bus past the Italian border with no problems.

In Milano-Centralo, the Boys were well known (see Gipsy Tour and Per Un Pugno Di Euros in older issues) and it was not easy to top the Salto Mortales from previous days.

But when it was time to say good-

bye, everybody was happy and the bus headed up north to the famous Lago Maggiore, home to the world’s richest & glamorous citizens.

While the Boys were discussing if it may possible that Milano got even dirtier since their last stay, the driver had a hard time with the bus’s GPS which kept telling him he was already IN the Lake. After dinner and a Cuba Libre at the Piazza, everybody got a good night’s sleep in the comfortable tour bus!

Everybody except for Janis’ shoes, which Fredo kindly placed under the bus… and may still lay somewhere in the Plaza… if no one has realized their worth and sold them on eBay! G.I. Jey’s hometown: The life of a Boy-Group is all sweet, and not only because they have Italian Ice Cream for breakfast after a bath in the lake! Torino wasn’t worth a stop, and so they headed over to the Mountains of France, where French-Canadian G.I. Jey originally comes from.

Even before the first curves up the hill and over the border, he was constantly on his cell phone, organizing their arrival with his manager Niaharkola or talking to random female fans in French.

This place seemed to be too far away from everything that even luck got lost on the way there.

After Jani realized that his brand new show shoes were still at the Lago Maggiore and his board fell several times into the water, the others took a few hard slams, got pissed, and a few boards got broken and Niaharkola screamed around!

The day found its end in good but not tasty, and cheap but tastier Schnapps...

Jesus baptized Annecy:

He felt so comfy and at home in these abandoned mountains that he proposed a small excursion to a well known stage in the small town of “La Norma”. When the bus finally arrived, all the kids were already waiting near the mini-ramp.

But I think it’s fair to say they didn’t get what you can expect of an international top squad. Miscl’ was too busy complaining about the quality of the roads in France and giving G.I. Jey a hard time to even skate himself. The rest tried their best, but the quality of the mini-ramp (especially the coping) was equal to the roads in France.

So Miscl’ left with a personal victory!

All in all, the Boys’ first day in the land of baguette, soft cheese & French kiss was a black day for France. After teaming up with Niaharkola, they couldn’t find a place to eat, except for Mc D. No one was happy, but at least no one was starving either!

Then Niaharkola took the Boys to an even more famous place on the top of the mountains (“Le Corbier”).

They found a skate park in a town which was entirely made of skyscrapers... on the top of the mountains. French people..!

The next day began with a good French breakfast and everybody got in the bus and headed to Annecy where they skated an empty pool.

Niaharkola was the man of the day with a drop in the huge bowl, breaking his board in the middle of a game of S.K.A.T.E (on purpose)!

With the broken board under his arm, like a baguette, he got on the train home.

The Boys went swimming in the lake, even if it was raining! G.I. Jey showed his best by screaming at the sky with raised arms... a bit like Jesus... epic! The rain got heavier, the Boys went back into the tour bus, and Annecy was left behind after a day of pleasure! What started as a small rain soon became a huge

summer storm and it was pretty hard for the driver to stay on the road!

As they had learned the prior day, French Restaurants are open about 2 hours a day, so panic took over the bus! The driver was more than happy when he spotted a sign for some highway restaurant. No more driving through the pouring rain, no more complaints! So the tour bus stopped in front of a typical American-style restaurant. The type you may find somewhere on the highway while crossing the desert.

Next to some Route 66 Signs, cowboy hats and some dead animals, our fine Boys took a seat at a big table.

That was when G.I. Jey introduced his friends to the world of Tartiflette!

Bon Ap! Somehow, the Boys liked that weird restaurant..

Miscl’ ordered another whole plate (??), Jani & Fred wanted to ask if they could sleep IN the restaurant (??!) and later on they played some pool before they went back to the bus in the parking-lot.

Long after the restaurant staff had left and some Ricard got mixed with water, it became quiet in the bus.

Southern movements: Because it was also rainy in Lyon, the Boys headed all the way down South. Next stop was Valence where, more by luck then by fate, they found a nice little Playground.

The bus got parked, the Boys got started and the cameraman finally felt alive again. Everybody had a good time, especially the old Lady with her small dog (fully dressed) who yelled all exalted: “J’aime la jeunesse!”

We do too – sorry!

On the way to a huge supermarket, the Boys found several spots!

Meanwhile, the cameraman couldn’t stop taking pictures of 60’s building with his Polaroid camera.

The South lit a fire in everybody.

After the cameraman bought more tapes & rolls of film, the Boys went back to a public building which, after a longer discussion between G.I. Jey and the night watchman, was free to rock. The cameraman set up his equipment on the sidewalk and started to document the show when a car full of young Valence girls passed by and honked!

The Boys firmly took notice of that, and were a bit bummed that the honk wasn’t meant for them.

So while the Boys later on had a nice dinner in a native restaurant (which somehow was open), the cameraman was forced to recharge the batteries in the kitchen.

The driver, an old and calm trucker, brought them afterwards to a quiet place to sleep. The decision was made to stay for another show in Valence. The tactic of bringing their own tour bus, instead of booking at the top Hotels started to pay off.

After joyful filming hours at the little playground near the huge parking lot the next day, Fredo got sunburned and the cameraman got lots of footage, including a run over the whole parking-lot, thanks to Jey! That’s when they found a perfect pole jam just on the other side of the parking lot! The Boys sure didn’t miss that one - as well as the nice looking girls in town. France had found its way to the Boys hearts.

The charming offence of the Grande Nation found its victory only a few hours and kilometers later.

After an hour’s drive on the little road and after crossing an old bridge made of stones over a decent little river, the old and quiet driver automatically took the next exit and parked the tour bus on a little path next to some dry bushes.

The Boys soon hopped out of the Bus and into the cold little river.

That’s where they found a natural whirlpool, right under the old stone bridge. With laughter and screams, they tried not to get flushed away by the water flow! Having the time of their lives!

After Fredo shocked some French folks who were walking their dog, the tour bus with our Boy-Group reached a romantic town called Montélimar. The driver made a sightseeing tour through the small downtown area and park, where the cameraman spotted a mini-ramp in the city’s park! So the troop had to stop and enter the provincial stage.

While youngsters where kissing in the foreground, Fredo and G.I. Jey were ripping the mini-ramp with grace. So everybody was happy, which means EVERYBODY! Including the very young girl sitting next to Jani who was setting up a new board! Later on, the Boys had a delicious “Risotto di pomodori” on the river’s shore, downtown.

At sunset the last beers got fished out of the river and while the sky turned from red to black suddenly music appeared. Instinctively, the group searched for the source and found themselves in front of an open air stage in the middle of Montélimar. Soon the Boys witnessed an extraordinary show.

On stage, Montélimars kids tried to cut the next round at some kind of provincial superstar game.

In the meantime, the real Boys where singing, dancing and entertaining in the middle of the crowd!

Soon there was a circle around them, and everybody was looking at them!

Everything was fine and fun, until last year’s winner of the French version of superstar entered the stage! Not only was he serious, he came to stay! So he started dancing like a sissy, singing like a queer and telling stories like Prince Charming!

After a few attempts of bringing the fun back, the Boys went home... pretty shocked!

Jacques Dutronc in a canoe?

The Boys were still in shock from the previous night while the tour bus got packed. A few Gypsies came along and tried to sell some stolen watches and jewelry! The bus left Montélimar with a backfire and climbed the nearby hills. Too bad thousands of motorbikes had just chosen the exact same little road and Dutch tourists usually drive like they’ve ever seen a curved road before!

On a stop for a photo shooting, Miscl’ spotted an empty canoe on the shore of the little creek.

No one could stop the Boys from conquering the little ship and going up the little creek. While the bus driver and the cameraman stayed in the hot sun and kicked some stones, the Boys curved trough the wild reed. Suddenly, they could hear some decent melody!

They were pretty surprised, and carefully moved nearer. Now they could make out a voice of a man singing. Not loud, more to himself like someone singing under the shower! A few meters later, the Boys could even understand a few words of the mysterious singing: “Je fonds dans la bouche, pas dans la main... dadi tada”! Everyone held their breath and they could barely believe what they could see now!

On a little island-like stone beach, an old man was lying, next to a plastic canoe. He was relaxing there in some very short blue Speedos - even though he was pretty old!

Lying on his back on a red towel, the Boys had a perfect sight of his chest hair!! Reality is often way stranger than fiction, and that’s exactly what the Boys must have thought at this moment. Just a few hours ago they had witnessed the down side of music & entertainment, and now, out of the blue, they were standing in front of France’s biggest musical hero, Jacques Dutronc!

Although they weren’t actually standing, the old man in front of them, singing calmly while lying on his back had a huge impact on them! The stranger known as Jacques Dutronc did not realize he had 8 eyes staring at him and kept on whispering the melody. Maybe it was because the boat almost didn’t make any noise, or because the Boys held their breath?!

Street life: That night, the tour bus reached the nice Mediterranean city called Nimes. After some Chinese food, some sightseeing, plenty of nice girls and a huge jump down a double set at the local museum, the whole crew went back to their comfortable mobile and slept well! For people who never had the chance of being on tour, it must be a pretty strange thought to wake up in the morning in the middle of a city! And I do mean in the middle, in some parking next to a museum, in the middle of a strange city! Then go up, brush teeth on the sidewalk and shave while old women walk by on their way to the market. Afterwards, the whole crew had a luxurious French breakfast at a café next to the museum.

The sun was shining, the coffee and croissants were good and the decision was made to head over to Montpellier! There, the cameraman & the driver almost got into a fight because of an argument on where they should park. Later on, the group got to a perfect bank down at the river! The sun stood high, the water sparkled nicely and everybody got ready! After Miscl’, Jani and G.I. Jey flipped on the bank and Fred got comfy with his Baywatch role, G.I. Jey took the next step and jumped into the bank – from the very top!

Gorgeous! He was so happy and relieved that he jumped into the river with an athletic flip! Too bad the water was only 1 meter deep!

The sea climate had its impact, it was hot and everybody was sweating!

After the great session, the group headed back downtown, where lots of drinks were bought. And not only water! Fred was as excited as a small boy when he found out his bottle of beer was not only bigger than the others, but it also had a higher alcohol content!

Afterwards, the driver kindly brought everybody to the beach! In St. Marie de la Mer, the tour bus got parked at the sea promenade and the Boys got ready for some late afternoon action!

Miscl’ was pretty drunk already and hopped in his Sepultura shorts!

On the way to the sea, down the sandy beach, Fred promptly served the crowd with a few funny moves!

By the time they were all in the water, the whole show got crazy!

Dead Butt had another performance!

When the applause calmed down, the group found its way along the promenade, in search for a quiet restaurant!

It was a beautiful summer evening, the sunset, the harbor, the Boys, the cameraman was more than happy!

After dinner and a well deserved Schnapps, they arrived at their bus which was already surrounded by the Police!

“Vole en Roulant”, the fine Boys got robbed by some Gypsies!

The driver’s side window got smashed and some cell phones, money and passports got stolen!

Shock, anger, pain and hatered came over the Crew as they parked their car for the night!

Lazy French policemen!

While the officer on duty had a hard time spelling R-E-N-A-U-L-T the next morning at the police station, G.I. Jey & Jani did not only fight against falling asleep, they wondered which was the bigger problem for society: The Gypsies or the Police!?

Because the garage owners in the south of France are even more lazy then the Police, there was no way to fix the car on that very Saturday!

That meant the crew had to fix the window themselves with some tape and plastic and headed back North!

The trip was over leaving memories of a real good time in everybody’s heart and soul!! xxx Mischlers’ comments: --- “If you’re hung-over and you got a headache, use cold spray on your head. It helps. But try to avoid to shoot it up your nose” --- “Savoyards are very stupid.

First they copy the Swiss’ national flag and then they pretend like they invented raclette. French people...”

--- “I didn’t know that the original “Tittie Twitser” from the movie “From dusk ‘til Dawn” is somewhere in France.”

--- “Fred trying switch treflip into a bank commenting it: I think the problem is that I never landed that trick before.”

--- “Fred’s daily question: Hey guys I have an idea… what about some drinks tonight?”

--- “I guess this couple and their huge dog had the shock of their life when they ran into the “enormous dump” that Fred left in the middle of the little path.”

--- “Never will I forget this smooth movement... from one side to the other, in perfect harmony with our eyes. Nerds and class. 9 fingers left.”

--- “Unprintable words, that will forever burn in my ears, came out of G.I. Jey’s angry mouth when he tried to ollie into that bank. I’m in need of a priest to wash those sins away...”

--- “Damn, on that day, 3 guys were really lucky. They’re not blind yet, even though they did see Miscler take a swim... which is like looking at the sun with a looking glass.

Keep kids away from the shiny.”

Le dernier mot de G.I.Jey: Another hard week, at the office...