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On est tous des cons nés quelque part. C’est inévitable. Pas de bol, certains sont nés en Syrie. D’autres, à peine plus chanceux, à Saint Jean de Maurienne. Et pourtant, c’est inexplicable, on reste, presque tous, plus ou moins attaché à notre lieu de naissance... Pas étonnant, qu’avec un maire comme PMC à la tête de leur vallée, les Mauriennais, commencent, eux aussi, peu à peu à migrer vers d’autres contrées; là où la jeunesse, la culture, semblent avoir un avenir, autre que celui de fan du Tour de France. Mes comparaisons avec les villes, vallées, régions voisines sont très souvent critiquées. Et pourtant, c’est indéniable, en Haute-Savoie par exemple, ça fonctionne. On me répète sans arrêt “oui mais là-bas il y a du fric”. C’est pas faux. Mais le vrai problème n’est pas là (c’est mon ex-patron qui m’a appris à parler comme un homme politique). En effet, la vraie question est, plutôt, mais pourquoi il y a t-il plus d’argent chez nos voisins?

Peut-être parce qu’ils sont dirigés par des personnes un peu plus ouvertes d’esprit, à l’écoute de la demande, et non pas par des paysans en guerre avec le village d’à côté? Bernard Anselme, maire de Fontcouverte - La Toussuire, fachiste, alcoolique notoire, est le parfait exemple... Vous me trouvez dur avec lui? Vous n’avez qu’à lire ces déclarations dans la presse et constatez par vous même! (voir ci-contre) On me rabache sans cesse, que “chez nous c’est pas possible, ça ne marchera pas!”. Alors comment se fait-il, qu’une station comme Chamrousse vient de s’offrir un superbe bowl? Alors que sa population, et son nombre de lits, sont bien inférieurs à la majorité des stations des Sybelles par exemple? Qui, elles, ne comprennent toujours pas, qu’un skatepark, c’est un vrai plus, sur bien des points, pour une commune et ses environs... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah la Maurienne... (Le bonheur est ailleurs!)


Vous avez appelé le bureau d’Big Brother / Ne quittez pas Allô allô monsieur le dictateur Dites moi dites moi où est passé votr’coeur Je vous appelle du bureau d’Big Brother Car je sors à l’instant du ministère des peurs Dites moi Ne quittez pas, bureau d’Big Brother Où il est On vous a dans l’collimateur Dites moi Toutes les données sur vos frères et soeurs S’il vous plaît Vaporisées / Oh oh oh oh C’est arrivé comme dans la chambre 101 Avant cela déjà on avait rien Je faisais du skate dans la rue Quand soudain vous êtes apparu Je ne comprends vraiment pas pourquoi On n’s’entend plus vous et moi Vous avez décidé d’tout interdire Sans rien dire

Allô allô monsieur le dictateur Dites moi dites où est passé votr’ coeur J’ai vérifié ce n’est pas une erreur Vous avez bien votre diplôme d’oppresseur J’ai attendu toute ma vie Mais l’skatepark jamais n’a été construit Il faut venir à mon secours Pas seulement avec des discours Je vous promets de vous donner Tous les indices, toutes les données Il faut vraiment que vous m’aidiez S’il vous plaît Allô allô monsieur le dictateur Ne cherchez surtout plus j’ai retrouvé votr’coeur C’est le pouvoir et sa torpeur Qui l’ont emporté par erreur Dites moi Ne quittez pas, bureau du Führer Où il est Vous êtes tous collaborateurs Dites moi Rien n’est permis surtout pas les erreurs S’il vous plaît Vaporisées / Oh oh oh oh


... The tree of the los t soles an RI P... Le ha ngar RI P... La Maidz SAG RI P?...


Max / BS Ollie / photo: BSS Crew


Max / Fast Plant / photo: BSS Crew


Max / FS Air / photo: BSS Crew


Samir / Switch Flip / photo: Jey


Cyru / Drop / photo: Jey


UN SKATE-TRIP (SANS SKATEBOARD) À:

SANTORIN


Vous voulez vraiment être sûr de réussir vos vacances avec votre p’tite copine? Et bien, un petit conseil, cassez vous le bras quelques jours avant de partir. Comme ça, vous serez certain de ne pas pouvoir faire de skateboard. Et donc, pourrez profiter à 100% de votre séjour, sans être distrait par le moindre set de marches, curb, ou autre élément d’architecture du genre. Bon à Santorin, il y a quand même une superbe DIY mini-rampe avec spine dans le camping abandonné de Kamari, qui, malgré tout, risque de vous tenter. Tant pis, louez un quad, laissez votre copine conduire à fond. Mangez un Pita Gyros par jour au moins. Buvez des kilos de vin au restaurant. Marchez de Fira à Oia en passant par Finikia. Buvez de la bière à Oia pour supporter les touristes chinois venus se marier/regarder le coucher de soleil. Allez visiter la microbrasserie Crazy Donkey. Mangez d’la vraie Féta. Faites l’amour. Gagnez au Loto. Ne retournez jamais au travail. Continuez à voyager. Peace.


Noah / Melon / photo: Tom


Tom & Gruf’ / Gipsy Bus / photo: Tom

Oktoberfest in september? I know, it’s fucking stupid right?... Whatever, we went to Münich the last week-end of september, to skate, during the Oktoberfest, which was pretty stupid as well, because pretty much all my friends are alcoholics... Anyway, we handled it pretty well in the end. I mean, it wasn’t that hard, because Oktoberfest is fucking horrible! Or ok, let’s say, I just wasn’t in the mood, or am too old and boring already... Drunken football fans? Unpolite rude waiters? Cops? Vulgar cheap bitches? Expensive shit beer? Stupid security nazis? All that, in «Dysneyland»... If it’s what you call a party, go there, you’ll have the time of your life! So the Goofy Days OG’s, Grufä & Tomster, «Eating a pizza went by bus, gypsy style, on thursday evening. Those idiots did skate «only» is like having sex, during 9 hours on friday, so let’s say, that when it’s bad, it’s when we, (Mini-Michi (the loudest kid alive), Noah (The G), Cyru, Mäd & me) still kinda good!» arrived in the evening, they were just a little bit dead! Thanks to Cyru, that organised pretty much everything, and thanks to Mäd’s great car, we were ready to kill everything on our way. 5 guys in the same room? Who cares, anyway, I didn’t slept! (as usual) We had our first skate-session all together the day after, early morning, at the Im Gefilde old schooled design skatepark. Noah killed it, like pretty much every spots we went. As usual, I was pretty much this only one not able to ride this spot properly:


Jey / FS Rock’n’roll / photo: Cyru


Mäd / BS Tailslide / photo: Jey

I can’t fucking pop out of a bump... Why? No clue... Anyway, we all had our share of fun, and it’s the only thing that counts! Then we went to Feuerwerk skatepark. There, we also all had fun... watching Noah skating. He killed the handrail in no time. Even did learn some new tricks on it. How’s that even possible? No idea. Don’t ask me, I spent all my time trying a FS wallride on «Drunken football fans? the mini-ramp, but never land it... Afterwards, in honor to The Dude, that Unpolite rude waiters? could’nt make it (surf-trip in France), we Cops? Vulgar cheap bitches? went for «mä öpis freisen giele» and pretty much lost each other on the way. Expensive shit beer? Stupid much No problem, we all met again, in Hirschgarsecurity nazis? All that, in ten skatepark. The bowl is kinda strange, but the pool is damn good. Everybody «Dysneyland»? dropped it, beside the 2 old gipsies, that If it’s what you call a party, were too busy drinking beer. Michi killed go to Oktoberfest, you’ll it. Great session. Hanging here, hanging there, it was have the time of your life!» already time to eat again. And Grufä found the best pizzeria in town. This thing was amazingly good. I mean, even if eating a pizza is like having sex, when it’s bad, it’s still kinda good, this one great. The gipsies left, without Noah, that wanted to experience Oktoberfest... Should I speak about what happened next? Not really. We went to Oktoberfest. Ok. Check on the list. Never again! Thank you Münich!


Michi / Pivot grind to fakie / photo: Jey


M채d / Perskindoling around / photo: Jey


Jey / Deathbox / photo: Cyru


Another night with no sleep, and here we are, trying a new skatepark: Trudering. Where Noah did «Hey look Mom’, no hand!» backside lipslide down the ledge... So then I felt like I had, to at least, boardslide it, and jump down the 8 stairs, because he kickflipped them 1st try. That’s also where Cyru learned FS grind in transition (cover shot dude! Congrats!), where we met the one of a kind «Scott from Scotland», and where Mäd, killed the curbs, with some «trick-tip» BS Tailslide, FS Nose grind revert (I still hate you for this one mate!), and much more... «What happened on the Münich is full of spots. I’m a bit confused and don’t know road stays on the road, where we’ve been after this one. or... Ends up in Versus!» Trudering 2 («Stay True to the Ring») with the little bowl that everybody enjoyed (beside Noah who was powernapping)? I guess so. Michi shut it down with a smooth as fuck BS Boneless to tail in the deep-end. Hey, time to call it a day already. Noah had to leave. But this idiot missed his bus. So, Mr Cyru organised everything again. One more night in Münich? Let’s get fucked-up!... And... That’s pretty much what we did! «What happened on the road stays on the road, or, ends up in Versus!»... Are you ready Mäd?! So we went to this bar, owned by old german pro-skateboarder, which was fun. Then... I don’t know... I smoked... We walked... I smoked... Wasn’t


M채d / BS Flip / photo: Jey


Jey / BS Carve / photo: Mäd

allowed to enter any other place... Walk some more... Smoke more more... ‘til it was time to eat a kekap, and explain to a german proud girl from Münich, that Okterberfest in september was fucking stupid... She didn’t agree. Anyway, I think she was just pissed off, because Mäd bring back her friend to the appartment and not her! «Kids, go in the kitchen. Mäd, it’s 5.30am. You’ve got 30min. Enjoy!» Bro’move right here right?! Anyway, I was so stoned, I was probably as loud as Michi and her together so we didn’t got disturbed in any way. Another short night, the kids left, so we went, the last three old dudes standing, to the gnarly Keyhole bowl. Mäder killed the street part of the park, while Cyru and I were struggling doing our basic shit. I only managed to carve the stairs «Everyday I’m schmüseling!» and slash the big part, beside that, that’s pretty much it. So we went back in town, Hirschgarten pool. Cyru fucked his knee, and then shot me fighting against the stairs and deathbox. Thanks again for the shoots mate. Oh yeah, that’s mexican restaurant was sick! One last easy night, great foods, and we were already hitting the road back to Bern, but, not without a quick stop in Sankt Gallen. Dom killed the street park again. The rail and the curb over the grass are still burning since then. I got the deathbox there too, while the guys were carving with.... fear and happiness in their eyes! That was sick. Cyru even almost got a FS Air on the hip of the bowl but... It was time to go already. Next time?! Can’t wait to hit the road again with you guys! Jey


Michi / BS Boneless / photo: Jey


“Early Morning sessions at Gefilde escaping the packs of unwatchful eyes and those dreaded two wheel terrorists of the skatepark, is usually the best idea. So usually it’s empty but today when I rock up and there’s this stinky white van parked up and this dodgy looking guy sitting smoking a cigarette; he’s got a skate so it’s cool and some other dude sitting a bit further away, making himself some breakfast. Fuck it, I’m going to roll. So after awhile of riding around Mr Breakfast has lit up a Super Pungent (wake n bake I’m presuming) Reefer. So I’m now thinking that the dodgy guy with the skateboard might be the watch out while this guy was building his either wake n bake or the last reefer of a very long night. Either way this shit is not helping me concentrate on the job at hand, which was my early morning session. The park is now reeking of weed the van is illegally parked. I’m like, these guys just don’t give a shit. Turns out they didn’t know each other. Mr Breakfast just smoked up his joint, didn’t offer us a smoke and just fucked off - that’s pretty inconsiderate! I look like a dodgy hippy and the dodgy skater was already smoking. Come on now! The dodgy skater turns out to be Tom, a really nice dude of similar age from France or Switzerland. He’s riding a Mike V board, which already was cool in my book, tells me they camped over in the van; him and a buddy who was asleep in the van. We gave him till 10.30 before waking his sorry ass up - his name is Raffael. What was meant to be an hour or two session turned into a six hour session with the appearance of the police (still not sure if it wasn’t a man dressed as the police) to tell them to move their van in a super nazi way and the amusement of Raffael’s brand new 20 euro wheels flatspotting within 30


Jey / BS Slasher / photo: Cyru


Mäd / Kickflip BS 50-50 / photo: Jey

minutes of putting them on, coupled with some nice lines and personal battles being overcome; it turned out to be a great morning I’d say Tom’s manual around Geflide being the prize moment. A couple of days later we were skating at Trudering and got talking with some other skaters, which we now know is the man behind this mag Mr J. Tom and Raffael had mentioned that their friend was running a mag online and printing it much the same as what we do here in Germany, so it was rad to meet up. Stoked to have met some new friends. Stay poor Stay pure!” Scott from Scotland


Noah / BS Lipslide / photo: Jey


10 THINGS TO BE DONE IN MUNICH

by Mini-Michi

1. Grind the Hirschgarten pool deathbox (thanks Jey) 2. Fs-grind over the Hirschgarten pool stairs (thanks Mini-Miri) 3. Totally kill a downrail (thanks Noah) 4. Take a bus + tram + subwayride for like 1h to get to the Oktoberfest and not drink a single beer and leave after 5min (thanks fucking Wiesen closing at 11pm) 5. Get a Versus Cover (thanks Cyru) 6. Eat a Kebap in under 1min. (thanks to some healthy herb) 7. Steal a Parking prohibition sign. It has to be at least 3m tall (thanks Noah and Miri) 8. Get the German flag (thanks Mäder) 9. Totally annoy your friend that got the German Flag while she`s still in the appartement with questions like: «What are your hobbys?» «Haardcooreschmüüssele!» «Do the German girls suck? I mean, in a good way?» «We really need a phone we have to listen to the German hymn now!» «Munich? Ooaah yeeah the chicks are greeeat!» 10. Get sore muscles because you laughed too much (thanks to Munich)


“I actually got not much to say about that Munich trip. It’s just always a pleasure to meet up with good old friends and do that gipsy thing! We’re getting older but still can handle that no-shower-sleeping-in-a-van-getup-in-the-morning-and-fucking-skate kinda thing. But one hard 9 hours day at the office seems to be enough for (too much) for a few days then.. So it’s nice to see the young guns rip as hell (shout out to Noah at this place, you fucking rule!). Thanks to Grufe for being THE driver and Jey for bringing the GoofyCrew or at least some parts of them together from time to time. And thanks to Mad, Cyru, Michi & Noah for some good laughs. Next time I get this fu**in’ cover.. hahahaha” Tomster

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Versus Skatezine & Plus #111  

Münich Santorin SAG@FDLM RIP and more...

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