Ditching erasers

Text and art by PALINA KUZMINADitching erasers HOW ART HAS HELPED SHAPE MY CHARACTER

FOR THE LONGEST TIME, I always felt like a cheat when I called myself an artist. Being detail-oriented by nature, my overbearing perfectionism was one of my biggest setbacks. If a piece didn’t immediately look the way I wanted it to, I would become upset with myself and give up. As someone who often enjoys looking at art, I’d find myself inspired to recreate someone’s style, only to become disappointed that I couldn’t perfectly replicate it.

Last year I became fascinated with the watercolor medium. I loved seeing other artists’ work and the different kinds of effects they could produce on their canvases. Inspired, I found an old watercolor set self and publicizing my work. But during sitting in my own room and began my my path of artistic self-discovery I started work. to understand the value of doing so. Be-

My first attempts were frustratingly sides the obvious importance of building a unsuccessful. Watercolor is a tricky medi- following that can advance one’s art career, um, and I couldn’t figure out how to layer posting my work gave me a greater sense of the paint on the canvas or how much wa- accomplishment about my improvements. ter to use. But with the help of references When I look through my old pieces I and lots of trial and always feel a little bit error, the paints started to flow together on Mistakes give art embarrassed — I always find ways to crithe canvas, intertwin- authenticity, and tique everything I did ing like a sprouting bouquet. Of course, sometimes it’s better wrong. But I’ve learned to convert these feelwhen I look back at not to erase. ings of shame into those paintings now, something positive, I can spot all the er- using them as a tool rors I made. But back then, I considered to know what I should work on more and it a huge success and I’m not what I can improve upon. I’ve realized that going to discredit that now. messing up is okay, and I don’t need to be In the past, I hated embarrassed in front of others because of a the process of watercolor piece that may have not been so great, bepainting for how tedious it cause it’s just a part of my journey. was. I didn’t like the per- I pushed myself to experiment with manence of every brush different styles until I found something that stroke; I had to be careful really resonated with me. For the longest to never make any errors. time I was on a wild goose chase to find a But somehow style which I felt comfortable in, constantI’ve learned to ly changing and imitating other artists. find a strange My art was incohesive –– it looked like an beauty within the amalgamation of different artists and styles process. Mistakes all merged together. None of it was really give art authen- me. I was under such pressure to maintain ticity, and some- a cohesive aesthetic and I was always trytimes it’s better ing to find a style that would look good in not to erase. If my feed, but in turn I was doing the exact my brush slips, I opposite. leave it in, I paint Over the past year and a half I worked over it, I transform it on building my art skills, but something into something new. that I didn’t realize at the time was that As my dedication to art in return it was helping me build my own grew, an element which I start- character. I started understanding the value ed taking more seriously was so- of mistakes and learned to be proud of my cial media. Throughout my whole progress at every step of the way. And most journey as an artist, I never importantly, I feel like I built a much deepplaced much importance on er relationship with a hobby I never valued the value of marketing my- as much as I should have. v