Bonnaroo & MJ Too: Remember those four drug

Move - Your money maker isn't going to get itself coordinated. You need to gyrate and body roll in front of every mirror and on every dance floor you can. If you're not impressed with what you're seeing, odds are your clientele won't be either.

Burn the love handles - Don't let the term

fool you. Get on the bike, stairs, treadmill or whatever you do to get that heart-rate up. A little spare tire is not going to help you get tips, no matter how much you look like Fabio from the neck up.

Get ripped - While cardio

alone will make some guys more physically desirable, a lot of women will want some meat on that bone. Hit the gym and build those pectorals, triceps, biceps, traps, lats, abs and of course ... the gluteus maxim us.

et groomed - Some

girls like scruff. But your bushy nether region isn't going to look too sexy pouring out from behind your banana hammock. We're not instituting a "scorched Earth" policy here but waxing is always a good option. Back, neck and butt hair are beyond frowned upon.

Scope out the scene

- Ladies are out in droves on Friday and Saturday nights. Be where they are. Talk to them. Find out how to make them smile. If you can keep them laughing, you're ensuring better tips and recommendations. You can't just give a dozen lap dances for an hour and expect to be able to hide behind your gstring. Editor's note: Does not apply to lady dancers

• Get down with dance music - Metal,

punk, jazz, classical- they all have their value, but no birthday girl or bachelorette is going to get moist to Mozart. Listen to pop, hip-hop and funk. Listen to your local DJs. Contributing Writer

So, you've been getting trashed and dry humping your best friends at their parties? The pictures are turning out okay and you're getting more and more requests with each coming weekend? You actually have a few singles in your clothes the next morning and you don't know how they got there? Follow our quick and easy guide to turn those laughs into passionate gasps and those Georgies into Benjies.

you have an idea of which Prince song should come between Daft Punk's "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" and 50 Cent's "In Da Club," put them all together as seamlessly as possible. If you're good with audio software, work your magic. Otherwise, have one of your friends mix the songs for you, eliminating fade-outs and awkward sections. Remember: your act should be as smooth as possible from start to finish.

ePractice - What are friends

for? Your routine may be practical in your head, but logistics can only be worked out in a real life setting. It may not be as easy as you think to whip off your belt and crack it Indiana Jones style.

e Get out there - Look

through your phone book and see who hires male, exotic dancers. Go to clubs and see what their routines are like. If there are no male clubs in the area, private parties can be very lucrative. Can you say, "amateur night"?

GAssume an identity

- Assume multiple identitiesl You're fulfilling fantasies and as such, should be prepared to be that bad cop, construction worker, bookworm or just the stud in the slick suit. Pick a name that could instill a little fear but a hot thrill at the same time; Officer Trask, Professor Rockwell, or Rico Jalisco.

_ Be professional - Look

nice, smell nice, be nice and you will get called back. Be prompt. Bring multiple business cards. Don't do anything you don't want to do You're in charge and you need to remind them of that. Always ask before you do anything full contact besides a lap dance. WATCH YOUR DRINKS. Jell-O shots vary in potency, so be careful. The Full Monty is never necessary but if tips are good and they're begging for it, give them what they want.

48 Don't sleep in the lion's den -Thelastthing

Bonn roo