privilege check (nonFicTion 2nd place) - Gabrielle Schatz

FICTION FIRST PLACE

The First Debate

by Alex Carrigan

In an instant, Adam and Eve were blinded. There was a bright light from the sky, followed by a parting of the clouds and a large gust of wind. Adam dropped the twice-bitten fruit on the ground. He pulled Eve close as the figure of God appeared in the clouds. For the first time in their lives, Adam and Eve felt fear.

“ADAM AND EVE!” the voice of God boomed from the clouds, “YOU HAVE BROKEN MY RULES, AND FOR THAT YOU MUST BE PUNISHED. I HEREBY BANISH THE TWO OF YOU FROM MY GARDEN. YOU WILL NEVER RETURN TO MY PARADISE. OH, AND YOU WON’T GET YOUR SECURITY DEPOSIT BACK.”

Adam and Eve shivered before the voice of their creator. His voice was powerful and authoritative. Eve began to shake, but Adam held her closer.

“Now, wait a minute,” Adam responded. “How is this in any way our fault?”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?”

“Yes, I am,” Adam said. “Why do we have to get kicked out of the garden for this?”

“BECAUSE YOU BROKE MY RULES. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THAT?” God asked.

“Yeah, I understand it, but only that I’ve eaten the damn fruit.”

Eve looked at Adam in confusion. “Babe, what are you doing?” she asked.

“Just trust me on this,” he said. “I think I can do this.” Adam let of Eve and stepped forward. “Here’s how I see it,” he began. “You created us in this garden, asked us to name all the creatures in here, and told us not to eat from that one particular tree.”

“I’M SURE I MADE THAT CLEAR.”

“Yeah, very clear,” Adam said. “It’s hard to not hear you when you shout all the time. Well, here’s the problem, Dad: you made us really stupid. Are you surprised that we broke your rule?”

God nodded. “UH, YES. I EVEN POINTED THE EXACT TREE OUR TO YOU AND TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM IT. WHAT DON’T YOU GET?”

“What I don’t get is how you expected us to understand cause and effect when we named the animals based on the first sounds we could think of that came out of our mouths, “ Adam responded.

Eve nodded in agreement and moved forward.

“Yeah, he’s got a point. I mean, how were we supposed to understand right and wrong when we had free reign of this garden?” she asked her father. “I mean, you’ve been pretty absent except for when you decide to get authoritative.”

“Besides, why even put that stupid tree in the garden in the first place?” Adam asked.

“IT WAS TO TEACH YOU TO OBEY MY COMMANDS AND NOT TAKE MY GIFTS FOR GRANTED.”

“Yes,” Adam said, “but you put delicious looking fruit on it, and expected us not to eat it. To echo my wife, we had no concept of right and wrong before now, and we were rally stupid and persuadable.”

Eve put her hand on Adam’s shoulder. “You know, I think there might be a problem with the boss, not the workers.”

“AND JUST WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?”

“Well,” Eve continued, “I only ate the fruit because I was dumb enough to believe a talking serpent. Why would you even let that thing in here? Why is there only one intelligent animal in here and it happens to be the one who can plot?”

“Yeah, why couldn’t you keep the snake out?” Adam asked.

“ENOUGH! THIS IS NOT MY FAULT! I MADE IT VERY CLEAR NOW THIS GARDEN WORKS, YOU DIDN’T OBEY ME, AND NOW YOU GOT TO GO. YOU HAVE FIFTEEN MINUTES TO PACK BEFORE I KICK YOU OUT. I THOUGHT I WAS PRETTY REASONABLE WITH MY REQUESTS, BUT CLEARLY I CREATED A BUNCH OF SMART ALECS, SO GET OUT.”

“Reasonable?” Adam asked. “How is it not reasonable to listen to our points? ‘Because I said so’ doesn’t seem like a fair response.”

“Besides,” Eve added, “weren’t you just the other day talking about flooding the planet if things got too hectic? How’s that ‘reasonable?’”

“THAT WAS A PURELY HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO.”

“Yeah, and we know what ‘hypothetical’ means,” Eve responded.

“LOOK. YOU’VE LOST. YOU CAN’T WEASEL YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS. JUST LEAVE ALREADY. I SAID SO, AND NOW I’M GOING TO HAVE ANGELS PREVENT YOU FROM COMING BACK IN. HAVE I MADE MYSELF CLEAR?”

“You know what, why bother staying here?” Eve asked Adam. “It isn’t worth living here if our landlord is a dick.”

“Yeah, screw this.”

“FINE. GET OUT. HAVE A NICE LIFE IN THE WASTELAND OUTSIDE THE GARDEN. HOPE YOU KNOW HOW TO SEW CLOTHING, YOU NUDIST RULE BREAKERS.”

God disappeared behind the clouds, and everything was silent. Adam began to walk away when Eve knelt to the ground. She picked up the fruit and held it in her hands.

“What are you doing?” Adam asked her.

“I figured it would be good to plant these seeds. We might have to grow our own food now, and it would be good to spread this knowledge around.”

“Nice,” Adam added. “But what if he does flood the earth like he mentioned?”

Eve tossed the fruit in her hand and smiled at her husband.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m pretty certain most types of fruit can float.”